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EMPHATIC

VS

EMPATHIC

LISTENING

EMPATHY
From Greek empatheia - affection,
passion

1. Identification with and


understanding of another's situation,
feelings, and motives
2. The power of understanding and
imaginatively entering into another
person's feelings
3. the identification with or vicarious
experiencing of the feelings,
thoughts, etc., of another

EMPATHY

Listening with the intent to


understand
Get inside another persons frame of
reference.
Not sympathy
Not about agreeing with someone

EMPATHIC LISTENING

It is that you fully and deeply


understand that person,
emotionally as well as
intellectually, from the
others frame of reference.

ESSENCE OF EMPATHIC LISTENING

By pairs,
1) Sharer a problem
2) Listener - give advice
TIME FRAME: 2 minutes

SWITCH ROLES
1) Sharer a problem
2) Listener - give advice
TIME FRAME: 2 minutes

By pairs,
1) Sharer a problem
2) Listener - listen quietly
TIME FRAME: 2 minutes

SWITCH ROLES
1) Sharer a problem
2) Listener - listen quietly
TIME FRAME: 2 minutes

G
N
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T
S
I
L
.
HEARING VS

HEARING

LISTENING

THE

CONSCIOUS CHOICE

IF YOU ARE NOT

REQUIRES

ACT OF
PERCEIVING SOUND BY
THE EAR.

HEARINGIMPAIRED,
HEARING SIMPLY
HAPPENS

CONCENTRATION SO
THAT YOUR BRAIN
PROCESSES MEANING

Most people tend


to be

"hard of
listening"
rather than
"hard of

1. HEARING
2. ATTENDING: Paying attention to a signal
3. UNDERSTANDING: Making sense of a message
4. RESPONDING: Giving observable feedback
5. REMEMBERING: The ability to recall information

ELEMENTS IN LISTENING PROCESS


[FOOTER] REPLACE WITH PRESENTATION TITLE

11/20/15 / 17

Listen twice as
much as you speak

Steven Covey

SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND

THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD*

* From Steven Coveys Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Desire to be
other-directed

Desire to imagine
the experience of
the other

No desire to
protect yourself

Desire to
understand,
not critique

Qualities of Active Listeners

Skills for Active Listening

BODY
LANGUAGE

Examples:
Sitting forward
Eye contact
Nodding head
Facial Expressions

Skills for Active Listening

BODY
LANGUAGE

Matching
Mirroring
Pacing

Skills for Active Listening

Examples:

OPEN-ENDED
QUESTIONS

What happened
after that?
Who was there?
What did they do?
How did that work?

Skills for Active Listening

REPEAT
CONTENT

Examples:
So what I hear you
saying is . . .

Skills for Active Listening

ACKNOWLEDGING
FEELINGS

Examples:
Youre feeling ___.
It makes you
(feeling) that . . .

Skills for Active Listening

DONT
JUDGE

1) Bite your tongue


2) Dont agree or
disagree with what
the other person is
saying
)That was really smart
)I cant believe you did that
)I totally agree with what
you are saying!

Skills for Active Listening

BEING QUIET
Examples:
Count to yourself.
Quiet your mind.

Skills for Active Listening

Body Language
Repeat Content
Dont Judge

Open-Ended
Questions
Acknowledge
Feelings
Be Quiet

ACTIVE LISTENING

BLOCKS TO EMPATHIC LISTENING:


1. Mind reading - controlling agenda
2. Wanting to solve - advice giving
3. Prejudices from our own personal
experiences
4. Moralizing, over-spiritualizing
5. Lecturing

Listening Responses from Our Own


Reference
(Autobiographical)

Evaluating: You
judge and then either
agree or disagree.

Listening Responses from Our Own


Reference
(Autobiographical)

Probing:
Ask questions from
your own frame of
reference

Listening Responses from Our Own


Reference
(Autobiographical)

Advising: Give counsel,


advice & solutions to
problems.
The same thing happened to
me
If I were you, this is what I would
do

Listening Responses from Our Own


Reference
(Autobiographical)

Interpreting:
Analyze others' motives and
behaviors based on your
own experiences.
When that happened to a friend of
mine.
Ako rin

Empathic listening

the
speaker ,
is about

not the listener.


11/20/15 / 41

PLEASE
LISTEN
WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU START
GIVING ME ADVICE, YOU HAVE NOT DONE WHAT I ASKED.
WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU BEGIN TO TELL
ME
WHY I SHOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY, YOU ARE TRAMPLING ON
MY FEELINGS.
WHEN I ASK YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU FEEL YOU
HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
TO SOLVE MY PROBLEM, YOU HAVE FAILED ME, STRANGE
AS THAT MAY SEEM.
LISTEN! ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LISTEN. DON'T TALK
OR
Author
Unknown
DO--JUST HEAR ME.

1. Mimic Content
2. Rephrase the
Content
3. Reflect Feeling
4. Rephrase the
Content and Reflect
the feeling

FOUR STAGES IN EMPATHIC


LISTENING

REFLECT CONTENT

THE OTHER: The constantly


shifting priorities of the leader
make it impossible to know
what to do next.

RESPONSE: You dont know


what to do next, because the
leader changes priorities
constantly .

You are worried that your group mates want to get rid of you

THE OTHER: I am worried about my group mates. I feel they want to get

rid of me.
YOU:
------------------------THE OTHER: She makes me so angry all she does is complain and
She
makes your feel angry because she complains a lot

complain.
YOU:

--------------------------

You
are responsible
andbecause
you feelthis
bad
this person
into trouble
THE OTHER:
I feel really bad
person
got into got
trouble
when it
was I who was most responsible.

DYADS
EXERCISE: REFLECT CONTENT
YOU:

REFLECT FEELING

EXAMPLE:
THE OTHER:

I do not understand my fellow


teacher. One day he or she
praises me and the next day he
or she criticizes everything I do
in front of every one.
RESPONSE: You feel confused

about the reaction of your fellow


teacher.

ThisHappy/excit
new assignment is just what I need. I get along
ed
well with everybody.
THE OTHER:
YOU:

YOU FEEL ___________

IN YOUR NEW ASSIGNMENT.

****************

Sad/frustrated
: I have
really tried to do my best but I just cant satisfy

THE OTHER

everybody.
YOU:

YOU FEEL

__________

BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO BE SATISFIED.

****************
THE OTHER:

Mad/irritated
My Coordinator! It always seems
as if she is looking

over
my shoulder and watching every move I make
YOU:

YOUR COORDINATOR MAKES YOU FEEL ___________

DYADS EXERCISE: REFLECT FEELING

REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING


YOU FEEL:
:

ABOUT:
being said

Angry, frustrated,
excited, sad, ignored,
misunderstood, happy, nervous,
hesitant, embarrassed, foolish,
upset, discouraged, stifled,
disrespected, emotional, confused,
Speechless, unsure, enthusiastic

Content, topic, or meaning of what is

HELPFUL LANGUAGE
As I get it, you feel

You sound

So as you see it
is

What I am hearing

You seem
with you, but

I am not sure I am

You must have felt

Your feeling now is


TIPS: 1. Focus on the speaker, not on your
correct response
2. If you get stuck, just repeat what
the speaker says.
3. Dont be afraid of silence.

REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING

EXAMPLE:

THE OTHER: I have worked so hard. I have worked


twice as hard as anyone in this place, but
I
never get praised.
RESPONSE: You feel disappointed because no one
has
recognized your hard work

REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING

PARENT: . I dont know why you gave my child a


low grade. He studies hard at home.

YOU:

YOU

Bad/confuse
FEEL____________________
d
you see him studying and he still gets a
low grade

BECAUSE________________________________

DYADS EXERCISE: REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING

PARENT: You are not doing you job as a teacher. My child is

not doing well. I thought this was a good school.

YOU:

Frustrated/ang
ry

YOU FEEL ________________________


Your child is not doing well in class.

BECAUSE_______________________________
DYADS EXERCISE: REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING

PARENT:
YOU:

YOU FEEL________________________
BECAUSE_____________________________

DYADS EXERCISE: REFLECT CONTENT & FEELING

EMPATHIC LISTENING
DO

LISTEN FOR EMOTION AND


CONTENT

WATCH BODY LANGUAGE


PUT YOURSELF IN THE OTHER
PERSONS SHOES

HAVE A SINCERE DESIRE TO


UNDERSTAND

DONT:

LISTEN WITH THE INTENT


TO REPLY
CLUTTER YOUR BRAIN
WITH THOUGHT
USE EMPATHIC LISTENING
AS A TECHNIQUE.