The effects of

suicide on family
members.
Psychology Research Report
Shannon Southerland
6/19/2014

Psychology 101

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The effects of suicide on families and other survivors is a subject that has only just recently began
to be studied. It has been said that individual survivors of suicide are at risk for complicated grief
reactions, mental disorders and future suicides, or attempted suicide. (The impact of suicide on the family;
Julie Cerel, John R. Jordan, Paul R. Duberstein)
Each year in the United States, 30.000 people commit suicide. Each of these deaths leaves an
estimated six or moresuicide survivors. (American Association of Suicideology) Each year 7,00012,000 children in the United States experience the suicide of a parent, and up to 8,000 children
experience sibling suicide.(The impact of Suicide on the family; Julie Cerel, John R. Jordan, Paul R.
Duberstien) Suicide survivors include parents, children, siblings, partners, family friends, co-workers,
and peers. The effect of suicide can, and most generally does, affect the lives of everyone who knew the
suicide victim.
Survivors have always been seen as a source of information about the victim, but not
generally viewed as victims themselves.(Dr Herbert Hendin, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)
Scientist have only began to understand the effects on the family after a suicide.
While the emotions of losing a loved one to suicide are very similar to the emotions of losing a loved
one naturally, there are a few emotions that will be more overwhelming. Coping with the death of
a loved one is always hard, suicide is an unexpected and sudden form of death that leaves the
survivors with many unanswered questions. Many times the answers to why are never answered, which
makes the grieving process that much more complex.
The first emotion most people feel is shock. The survivors are in a state of disbelief and emotional
numbness. They find it impossible to believe that their loved one is really gone. They also find it
nearly impossible to believe that their loved one has taken their own life.
Once the family member or members come to accept the fact that the loved one is gone they
then begin to enter the remaining stages of the grieving process. Each persons grieving process is
different. The order of and amount of time each of the remaining emotions depends on the individual
. Many times the emotions can alternate and often you may experience multiple emotions at one
time.

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Commonly emotions are anger, guilt, despair, shame, isolation and lastly acceptance. Anger is
oftentimes the first emotion felt by a family member or friend in the grieving process. Anger with your
loved one for leaving you here alone, or alike anger at yourself for not preventing the suicide, an
emotion repeatedly seen. It is also common to feel angry that they acted so selfishly in choosing suicide.
The animosity you feel of how could they do this to me is a common feeling after a suicide.
Suicide is in fact at many times done to punish other people. (Effects of suicide on the family members-The
mourning after; Dr. Robin L. Goldstein) I t is not uncommon to feel guilty at the same time as being
angry.
Feeling guilty and confused about their suicide is a normal reaction. Most times the guilty
feelings are there in your thoughts as what if and what could I have done, why did I not notice
something was wrong. Self blame is an extremely rough mental dilemma the remaining survivors will
endure. No matter the circumstances, it is in our nature to think that we could have done
something to prevent the suicide. (Effects of Suicide on family Members- The mourning after; Dr. Robin
L. Goldstein) The more a person dwells on the "what if the more likely they are to reopen the
emotions of anger and confusion .
The despair or depression stage will cause extreme feelings of sadness, loneliness, and possibly a
hopeless or helpless feeling inside. Some people may even begin to think about or consider suicide
themselves. While some depression is a perfectly common thing during the grieving process, thoughts of
suicide or prolonged depression is not common, and should be treated by a medical personal.
While the emotions shock, anger, guilt and despair are all normal in the grieving processes, they
are not the only standing emotions; stigma, shame, and isolation are very common shown during the
grieving process of a suicide victim. (After suicide Loss: Coping with your grief, Bob Baugher PhD, Jack
Jordan PhD)
The stigma or mark of disgrace, of suicide is still a very powerful reality. Many cultures and
religions specifically state that act of suicide is a sin. This belief is a strong deterrent in letting the
survivors speak openly about the situation. The shame that people feel about the situation is a key
factor in stopping the grieving person from seeking help from professionals or help groups. The
survivors feel that they will be judged by their peers if they knew the circumstances of the loss of

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the family member or friend. The fear of shame or judgment causes many people to begin isolating
themselves from many everyday activities.
Isolation is generally used as defense to keep people at bay. While the survivors believe that
isolation will help them from feeling judged, it generally causes the person to reenter the depression stage
of grieving. While they feel that others are judging them, they are actually the ones pointing the blame
onto them.
The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. The stage of acceptance is a complex
process within itself. The first part of acceptance is to acknowledge the loved one is really gone. The
second part of acceptance is coming to terms with the way that the loved one has passed. While it takes
time to come to terms with the suicide, it is only after that you can really begin to heal. The healing
process, like the grieving process, has no time frame and varies from person to person. There is no set, or
appropriate time for these processes to take place.
The effects of suicide will always remain with the survivors. Each person will carry the emotions
in a different way. The loss of a loved one is something that only time can improve. For many people it
may take months, or even years before they can accept the reality of the suicide. The acceptance varies
upon the relationship, and age of both the victim, and the survivor.
I have myself been the survivor of two suicide victims. While both of the suicides there close
family, each one affected me differently. The first suicide occurred when I was very young and the second
when I was an adult. While both were very upsetting and hard to deal with, the later suicide was much
harder to cope with. I believe this is because when I was young I did not ask as many what if questions.
This is not always true for everyone, each individual copes in their own unique way.
As an example, I have three children; they have experienced a loss by suicide of a very close
family member. Each of the children have reacted, coped, and grieved differently. While they each have
been raised the exact same way, their personal character and emotions have been the factor in how they
have, and are still coping. My youngest child has had the most difficult time with the suicide. He is a very
emotional child who does not like to show his feelings. He still finds many things to be saddening and at
times even angering to him for losing his loved one. Many small things will still bring him to tears. He
still finds heartache in the fact that he was left behind. My middle child was in the saddened state for an

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extremely long time and has finally come to accept the passing. She is a very open emotional child, and
wears her feelings in the open for everyone to see. While she has finally came to terms with the loss of her
loved one she still finds sadness in small memories. My oldest child is one that does not show her
emotions to anyone. She believes that her true emotions should not be exposed to the world. She, while
still saddened, moved quickly to acceptance. She finds relief in revisiting the memories of her loved one,
and telling stories of their time together.
The fact that no two people will grieve in the same way, or in the same order, makes it even more
difficult to receive help. In the past people were ashamed to admit a loved one had committed suicide.
While most survivors will still feel shame about the suicide, the social reaction is far less severe now than it
has been in the past. Survivors can now find help in many places, and are less afraid to ask for help.
While suicide survivors are now being acknowledged as victims, there is still a long road to go.
The most important thing that any suicide survivor must know is that no two people will react or cope in
the same way. Each person must deal with the situation in their own individual way. It is important to
know that there is no right or wrong way to feel or react. One must simply take their time and let their
unique grieving process play through.
Survivors of suicide need to know that there are many people just like them experiencing the same
feelings, and struggling with the same problems. The fact of knowing that you are not alone in the battle of
coping with suicide can make a huge difference in how you deal with the situation.
In conclusion, the first step in dealing with the effects of suicide on any family member is to
realize that you are not alone. While more and more help is being freely offered to the survivors of suicide,
they must realize that what may work for one person may not be the correct thing for another person. The
fact of acknowledging the grieving process, and the emotions that occur, can help each person understand
their process of coping. In time each person learns what works best for them, and in return may be able to
assist someone else understand the process, and how to cope. The why question may never fully be
answered but why becomes a much easier to handle.

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References
The impact of suicide on the family; Julie Cerel, John R. Jordan, Paul R. Duberstein
American Association of Suicideology
Dr Herbert Hendin, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Effects of suicide on the family members-The mourning after; Dr. Robin L. Goldstein
After suicide Loss: Coping with your grief, Bob Baugher PhD, Jack Jordan PhD