Simanungkalit 1

Ferrin Simanungkalit
Professor Zack DePiero
Writing Project #2
4 November 2015
Sixteen and Pregnant
Everyday throughout high school, I would come home from school and flip on the
television in hopes of watching my shows on MTV. Usually my marathon sessions would consist
of endless amounts of snacks, pizza, and teen moms. These teen moms werent exactly sitting
beside me, rather they were the ones I was watching through my television screen. My mother

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:36 AM

Comment [1]: Me too.
Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:36 AM
Comment [2]: Ha!

would walk in on me watching shows like 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom. She would always
look at the screen in disgust and reprimand me for watching these shows because she believed it
was a bad influence. What aspect of teen pregnancy is a bad influence per se? Is it the fact that
these teens are still girls and too young to have little girls themselves? Is there something

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:37 AM

Comment [3]: Silky smooth transition,
Ferrin!

neurologically different in a teen mothers brain that sets them apart from those that did not get

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:40 AM

Comment [4]: 2 things:

pregnant at an early age? These questions come from many different standpoints and disciplines
of study. Different disciplines of study can delve into deeper research as to how or why teen
pregnancies happen and these topics can be narrowed down even further in regards to race,

1, Abbreviations are often seen as

informal, so "etc." isn't a convention of
academic papers.
2, If it were, though, you'd want to write it
like this:
race, upbringing, gender, etc.

upbringing, gender, and etc. From the biological aspect, scientists can do research and conduct
studies that show how early motherhood affect the female biologically. When disciplines such as
sociology bring up teen pregnancy, the social and cultural factors that lead to teen pregnancy can
be studied. These two academic disciplines are displayed through articles and use different
rhetorical elements and moves that are in no way congruent to each other.

The best way though, IMO, is something

like:
race, upbringing, gender, and other related
factors.

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:41 AM

Comment [5]: OK, I'm wondering a few
things:
-What elements? What moves?
-What about the mainstream piece?
-OK, so these pieces are different -- so
what?

Simanungkalit 2
Biology is often defined as the study of life, in the simplest terms. When studying this
discipline, it is known that scientists are often involved in the process of conducting research. In
the biology article, there is a bar graph that provides a visual representation of the results of the
studies. The average reader that does not have a concentration in the science field is often lost in
text that can often be mistaken for another language. Since readers may not be as educated in
biology as the reader, the complex terms may seem unfamiliar. By providing a graph, the author
has displayed the results of the study in a way that makes it easier for the reader to follow. The x
and y axis have categories that are not exactly used in everyday language. The bars in the graph
represent menarche and first birth for a sample of natural fertility foragers, horticulturalists, and
agriculturalists (Kramer, 614). Terms such as those may seem very foreign to those that do not
study biology. Throughout the article, there are also a lot of numbers that describe population of
teen pregnancies. This article studied cause and effects on reproductive maturity and biological
constraints on age at first birth (Kramer, 615). A sociology article would not contain topics such
as this because sociology focuses more on the outwards and surroundings of the issues rather
than watch is going on inside of the body.

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:44 AM

Comment [6]: You seem to be jumping
around a lot -- what's the main focus of
this paragraph? It seems to be just:
*anything* that pops out in this article.
Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:44 AM
Comment [7]: I like the textual
evidence... but I'm wondering, what data
did they gather? Why? What might that
suggest about what this discipline
privileges?

A lot of the terms in this academic source are rather complex and proper. There is no shift
in tone when reading it because it just all seems very educational and monotone. This article is
meant to be informative, so there is a lot of logos and ethos involved in it. There is a lot of
references back to a study or researcher in order to create credibility in this authors theory. The
author does not aim to get any emotional reaction out of the reader, but rather aims to inform the
reader of the biological aspects of teen pregnancies and why this occurs.

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:45 AM

Comment [8]: Does this relate back to
your central argument in any way?

Simanungkalit 3
Karen Kramer and Jane Lancaster, authors of the biology article, execute several moves
in order to allow the reader to understand the biological effects of teen pregnancy. The authors

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:45 AM

Comment [9]: Worth defining/describing
what you mean by "moves"?

first start by introducing the topic of teen pregnancy through definition. This allows the reader to
get an idea of the main topic at hand and what is to come. The authors also use a lot of transitions
to introduce a new idea. The authors use the move described as addition in the They Say, I Say
appendix. Kramer and Lancaster adds to more information and proves their theory by saying, In
fact, evidence suggests that (Kramer, 614). By also saying, evidence suggests that, the
authors are informing the readers that they are concluding something that they got from an
outcome of an experiment. The authors also introduce a different perspective that is within the
biology field. Kramer and Lancaster bring up issues of natural selection in regards to teen
mothers by introducing the sentence with from an evolutionary perspective(Kramer, 614).

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:46 AM

Comment [10]: OK, great, but what
larger point (that you're trying to make)
does this speak to?

By using this transition, the reader is given awareness of another standpoint in the topic. This lets
the reader know that the author is not showing bias in focusing on just one thing within the field,
but is taking into consideration all the other perspectives within the field and all other possible
arguments. Through this biological perspective, the reader is informed about the biological and
bodily aspects that are affected during pregnancy in teens.
Sociology is a study of social behavior. This can include how people act around friends,
families, and strangers. Sociology can also be studied in terms of culture as well because the
values and morals that one grows up with may affect how a person acts. Like the biology article,
the sociology article introduces the definition of teenage pregnancy. Rather than introducing teen
pregnancy through menstruation and other biological factors, the sociology article introduces
teen pregnancy in terms of social issues such as risky behaviors and poverty. Rather than looking

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:46 AM

Comment [11]: Which is? Is it
similar/different than the bio one?

Simanungkalit 4
at the biological basis of teen pregnancy, the sociology article includes studies and research
regarding social factors of teen pregnancy. The studies measure and study factors such as,
difficulties in life, life changes, and problems being faced from getting pregnant. Rather than
using a bar graph from the results, the data from these studies are often recorded in a graphic
organizer. The data in the boxes include a lot of words, which are testimonies or statements that
were recorded from the participants of the studies. Although there are still some words that may
not be familiar to the average person, the sociology article is a bit easier to follow than the
biology article. A lot of the terms discussed in this article relate a lot to what people experience
in daily life, so it can be seen as relatable to the reader. As social behaviors are studied by
everyone throughout the day, one can see that it is easy to follow along to the article.
A lot of the moves in the sociology article include questions. Questions allow the reader
to ask themselves questions as they read in order to think deeper about the content.

Zack De Piero 11/11/15 11:46 AM

Comment [12]: Is that it???

Simanungkalit 5

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features
Did Not Meet
Expectations
Thesis Statement
Use of Textual Evidence
from Genres
Use of Course Readings
Analysis
Organization/Structure
Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Met Expectations

Exceeded
Expectations

Ferrin,
Other Comments
I thought that your Intro was really, really awesome -- I was
legitimately looking forward to reading it -- and then it kind of
totally fizzled out. You never introduced a 3rd source and you barely
used the course readings. Also, this piece was suuuper-short -- looks
like it was under 4.5 pages. Dont you want to maximize the allotted
space to maximize your argument, evidence, and analysis?
Here are some thoughts on how you could expand and improve this:
-Include a lot more analysis of the kinds of data/evidence these
different sources are using and what kinds of RQs theyre asking.
Consider some of the big pictures questions here that get at how
do these different disciplines approach this topic from different
perspectives? What was the study about? What questions did they
ask? What data did they gather? How do the ways in which these
researchers went about studying this topic differ from the other
authors/researchers, and what does it suggest in terms of the
importance they're placing on their methods?
-Think about what kind of structure/organization would be best
suited for your argument

Simanungkalit 6
-Working in moves more thoroughly
-In your Intro, you started out with a strong sense of voice -- and it
was great -- and then it just kind of stopped. Pick it back up, maybe?
-Use the allotted page/space limit to squeeze out as much hard-hitting
evidence and super-smart points as you can.
-Work in the course readings. Use them to help you use the
language of the course and to develop your argument.
Z
5/10