Carly Roberts

De Piero
Writing 2
4 November 2015
The Freshman 15: Fact or Fiction?

Comment [1]: So cool.

Before arriving to college, most students have a misperceived conception of the nation wide
phenomenon, the Freshman 15. Many students fall into the traps of social media and word of mouth,
which leads them to believe college students experience a severe weight gain, especially during their first
year. The two scholarly articles Freshmen Women and the Freshman 15: Perspectives on Prevalence
and Causes of College Weight Gain written by psychologists, TeriSue Smith-Jackson and Justine J.
Reel, and Revisiting the Freshman 15: Assessing Body Mass Index in the First College Year and
Beyond written by statisticians, Jo Ann L. Nicoteri and Mary Jane Miskovsky, conducted studies to
examine the accuracy of this phenomenon. In addition, The Atlantic magazine article, The Origin of the
Freshman 15 Myth written by Olga Khazan, imposes that this phenomenon has been completely

Comment [2]: Excellent flow. I like how you went from

the "scholarly research has investigated this" to "so
have more mainstream" folks. Nice *move*, Chief.
Comment [3]: I don't think this verb is working here.

exacerbated. The psychologists, statisticians, and Khazan all use different methods of study to explore the
topic of college weight gain, as well as exhibit distinctive moves throughout their sources to prove that
although victims rarely ever gain the full fifteen pounds, the intense fears that come with gaining weight
lead to diverse attitudes and certain health risks among college students.
Even though both of the scholarly articles come from different disciplines, they still share many
of the same conventions and rhetorical features. Since both sources belong to the scholarly article

Comment [4]: WOOOOOOO! Best thesis statement in

the class! Hell yeah! Way to go, Chief!

Now if I can make *one small* request: add in a set of
dashes after "distinctive moves" so that I know what
"moves" you'll be analyzing in this piece.

genre, they share the same basic format which includes background information, methods of the
experiment, results, discussions, references, and aims for future research. Both articles are illustrated by
professionals from both the statistical and psychological field, who use a formal and informative tone,
which creates a sense of credibilityethosthroughout the sources. Another convention that the
scholarly articles have in common is that they both state facts drawn from individual research. For
example, the statisticians propose that the rate of overweight and obese individuals rose from 25.6%

Comment [5]: Textual evidence?

upon admission to college to 32% in senior or graduate year (Miskovsky and Nicoteri), while the

Comment [6]: Again, nice move.

psychologists assert that the average weight [gain] ranged from 4.6 to 7.4 pounds (Reel and SmithJackson). It is important for the authors to include results drawn from their research, because it adds to the
logos of the source and persuades the audience to believe their case study is credible. Overall, both
disciplines use many of the same rhetorical devices and conventions to prove the superstition of the
Freshman 15.
In contrast, there are many apparent differences between the two scholarly articles, since each
discipline has an opposing approach to studying college weight gain. First, a primary difference is that in

Comment [7]: "Prove" is such a loaded word -- I'd steer

clear of that. Support/confirm are more hedged -- and,
I think, appropriate -- versions.
Comment [8]: This is a clear topic sentence, but I'd like
to know what some of those differences are. Shine a
little bit more light on the path for me at the beginning.

the psychology article there are six subcategories under the Results tab. Each tab represents different
factors of possible causes of the weight gain, since psychologists have motives to understand why the
phrase Freshman 15 is so popular and how it actually affects college students. The statistical article
contains a table of reported BMIs of different students from the start and end of their college experience,
in order to analyze the change that occurred. In addition, the statistical source often uses more of a
mathematical diction, such as Statistics were considered significant at the p < .5 level (Miskovsky and

Comment [9]: Way to describe their style of language

Nicoteri). In comparison, the psychological article contains quotes and scenarios from college students
including I see them [my roommates] theyre all really thin and theyre like complaining about how fat
they are (Reel and Smith-Jackson). The statisticians tend to keep it academic and stick to the facts, while
in this case, the psychologists focused on the mental affects and how girls often consider themselves
heavier than they are. Moreover, statisticians are more concerned with analyzing the mathematical change

Comment [10]: You're misusing brackets here --

brackets are either (1) *taking the place* or (2) *adding
extra info* to the original quote. You want to do #1.
Comment [11]: I think you might want to work in the
language *interview* and/or *survey* (if they used a
survey, that is... I bet they did, though. It's very Psych-
y.)

in weight to yield a conclusion, rather than the studying the psychological impacts on the students.
On the other hand, when comparing a magazine article to the two scholarly articles, many
similarities and differences can be pointed out when analyzing its rhetorical features and conventions. The
magazine article is structured completely different than the scholarly articles, containing many short
paragraphs and a conversational tone for its readers. Khazan portrays a sense of credibility among the
article by compiling quotes from respectable sources, such as the New York Times and Washington Post,
rather than conducting self-experiments. Also, the article contains facts to disprove the Freshman 15

Comment [12]: Too vague.

To me, this is the equivalent of saying: "What's the
weather going to be like tomorrow? Well... it could be
hot... it could be cold too."

theory, just like the scholarly articles, by announcing that just 10 percent of college freshmen gained 15
or more pounds, and a quarter of them actually lost weight (Khazan). Khazans use of logos presents the
counter argument that a portion of freshman actually lose weight, whether it is due to healthy or unhealthy
eating habits. Therefore, different genres focused on the same topic may appear to be dissimilar, but the
content often contains many similarities.
Furthermore, Reel and Smith-Jackson use many different moves to impact the audience in certain

Comment [13]: Worth defining/describing what you

mean by "moves" here?

ways and to strengthen their research credibility. In order to be able to identify these moves, Mike Bunn
illustrates in How to Read Like a Writer that one must locate what you [the reader] believe are the

Comment [14]: ...

most important writerly choices represented in the textto consider the effect of those choices on
potential readers (including yourself) (Bunn). Moves can be identified in many locations of a text, since
the author usually has a purpose for each sentence. With that being said, the first move used by the
psychologists is when they established a common perception that Several of the women talked about
how important appearance was and that being thinner is better (Reel and Smith-Jackson). According to
the They Say, I Say, Appendix, the move demonstrated here is Standard Views. Here, the
researchers motive is to inform the audience of the social comparisons and judgments that college
students face, as well as show the pressure women experience to sustain an acceptable physical
appearance. They received their data from interviewing students, which establishes a personal connection
between the researchers and their subjects.

Comment [15]: Bigtime. It *humanizes* the topic!

Many students believe that they have an obligation to impress their peers in order to be socially
accepted. For example, the psychologists found that Concern about the Freshman 15 was, however,
related to perceived weight gain, poorer body image, and more eating disorder behaviors (Reel and
Smith-Jackson). The researchers used a chain effect move to show that one little thing such as a

Comment [16]: I dig it! Good eyes, Chief!

concern, can lead to serious health issues. This move may lead a reader to identify the intended audience

Comment [17]: No "things." (Didn't I say that to you in

your WP1?) Things is so, so, so vague.

to be psychologists who treat patients with eating disorders or are just having a tough time adjusting to
college, as well as professionals in the field of psychology interested in new research. A claim can be
made that the audience expects to learn the different interpretations taking place in peoples minds and

how it can affect their lifestyle. Overall, authors have many hidden reasons behind their moves, which
takes a strong writer to be able to point them out.
In comparison, Miskovsky and Nicoteri use moves to educate the audience on the consequences
of weight gain. For example, the statisticians argue that statistics show People who are obese are at
increased risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, arthritis-related disabilities, some
cancers, and sleep apnea (Miskovsky and Nicoteri). This chain effect move is used again to establish
obesity as a severe health problem, and hopefully persuade the audience to want to develop healthier
eating habits to avoid facing these issues. Also, even after finding that college weight gain is not enough
to change a students status to overweight, the researchers believe that Health courses or freshman
seminars need to focus on healthy eating and maintenance of weight or weight loss in the environment of
independent choices (Miskovsky and Nicoteri). This call to action move indicates that steps need to be
taken in order to prevent college weight gain, instead of just watching it happen. This move also helps
identify the audience of this piece as not only someone who is interested in the statistics of college weight
gain, but also for someone who works in the Health and Wellness field at a university. Nevertheless,
obesity is a serious health concern prevailing among many young people that is in need of more attention.
Notably, Khazan uses many moves to keep the text relatable for her audience. First, Khazan

Comment [18]: Is this related to your main argument?

If so, how?

begins the magazine article by implying that in order to fight off the Freshman 15 students may vow to
eat only the most reasonable servings of soft-serve [ice cream] from the campus soft-serve machine. At
least until said machine is stolen by the Pi Kappa Phi brothers Khazan made the move of telling a joke

Comment [19]: What was it? Hook me up!

to shed humor on the subject that students do not actually gain a full fifteen pounds, as well as relate the

Comment [20]: Well? What was it? Hook me up!

article to events that actually take place in reality. This portrays that the audience is intended toward first
year college students that are worried about unhealthy eating habits and gaining weight. On a more
serious note, Khazan asserts that A fear of weight gain can lead to eating disorders such as anorexia
nervosa and bulimia, the incidences of which peak between the ages of 16 and 20, coinciding with the
time young women enter university (Khazan). Khazan uses the move, Establishing Why Your Claims
Matter from They Say, You Say in order to alert the audience of an underlying issue that some

Comment [21]: Nice tie-in here. Happy Zack. :)

students face. This is also a contradiction to the weight gain, since in some cases, students develop eating
disorders which can lead them to ultimately lose weight in an unhealthy manner. Overall, the purpose of
this magazine article was to prove the misconception of the Freshman 15 in a humorous way, with
intentions to prevent students from developing a fear of gaining weight in college.
When it comes to reading an academic or non-academic text, there are many different
accomplishments that each one can achieve. For example, the magazine article was much more concise,
interesting and relatable, which captured my undivided attention. In comparison, the scholarly articles are
very long, and at times, it was hard to stay engaged with the text. However, the scholarly articles exert a
sense of respect toward the authors because of the admirable research and effort they put into creating the
source. Pop-culture sources will often contain pathos to trigger its readers emotions, which will persuade
them to develop their own point of view on the topic. In contrast, academic articles are strongly supported
with research and facts, which adds more credibility to the source. Therefore, the audience will be more
persuaded to believe its content and argument. Being as though academic and non-academic articles are
two different genres, each source is meant to impact its audience in its own, unique way.
In conclusion, the scholarly article published from a psychological discipline argues that many
women develop a tendency to hide their fears of gaining weight, which may lead to risky behavior. The
statistical scholarly article analyzes the changes in BMI from a college students first and last year in the
university, as well as expresses concern for the physical health of obese students. In comparison, the pop
source article uses humor to exemplify that students rarely gain a full fifteen pounds, and that it is
unnecessary for students to develop fears about the Freshman 15. Overall, this phenomenon has been
proven to be a myth, however, actions must be taken to encourage college students to eat healthy and
exercise more.















Works Cited
Birkenstein, Cathy, Durst, Russel and Graff, Gerald. They Say, I Say. 17 Aug. 2007.
Bunn, Mike. How to Read Like a Writer. Writing Spaces. Vol. 2. 2011. 30 Oct. 2015.
Khazan, Olga. The Origin of the Freshman 15 Myth. The Atlantic. Atlantic Media Company,
05 Sept. 2014. Web. 30 Oct. 2015.
Miskovsky, Mary Jane and Nicoteri, Jo Ann L. Revisiting the Freshman 15: Assessing Body
Mass Index in the First College Year and Beyond. Journal of the American Association
of Nurse Practitioners. Vol. 6 Issue 4, p220-224. Apr. 2014. 30 Oct. 2015.
Reel, Justine J. and Smith-Jackson, TeriSue. Freshmen Women and the Freshman 15:
Perspectives on Prevalence and Causes of College Weight Gain. Journal of American College
Health. Vol. 60, Issue 1, p14-20. Jan. 2012. 30 Oct. 2015.

Did Not Meet

Expectations

Met Expectations

Exceeded
Expectations

Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence

from Genres

X+

Use of Course Readings

X+

Analysis

X+

Organization/Structure

Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors

X+

Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Other Comments

Chief,

Damn!

Deleted:

You freakin nailed this! Way to go, sister.

One area I didnt comment on was the role that
context/exigence plays in the mainstream piece -- does the
timenplace when the article drive the piece at all? (And in
a way that was similar/different than the scholarly pieces?)
If so, how?

Hey, Ill cut this end comment short; check out my marginal
comments for suggestions on where you can improve.
Great, great job.

Z
9.5/10