Rodrigues 1

Carina Rodrigues
Zack De Piero
Writing 2
MW 12 PM Section
7 December 2015

REVISION MATRIX FOR WP-1 AND WP-2

Text from my initial An
The change(s) I
WP submission:
observation made to what I
or question I initially wrote:
received
from De
Piero or a
classmate:
(WP-1) This paper will
analyze the
commonalities between
these sources, as well as
their dierences. It will
delve into the very
controversial topic of the
link (or lack thereof,
depending on your
opinion) between
illnesses and vaccines,
and how dierent
mainstream media
presents news regarding
this subject.

How this change

impacts my
paper:

This isn't an
This paper will
This is definitely one
argument,
analyze the
of the most
Carina -- there's commonalities
significant changes I
no "sides" or
between these
made to my paper.
"stance" or
sources, as well as Its crucial to have
tension.
their dierences. It
an arguable thesis
will delve into the
that will serve as the
very controversial
driving force of your
topic of the link (or
paper. I added
lack thereof,
specific details
depending on your regarding the
opinion) between
dierences among
illnesses and
the genres, which
vaccines, and how
made my thesis
dierent mainstream sound more
media draw on
relevant/relatable to
varying tone, content, what I discussed in
and visual and textual the rest of my paper.
rhetoric when
presenting news to
their respective
audiences.

Rodrigues 2
(WP-1) Often these
Interesting
Many people deem I have learned that
articles are written by
observation. Be these websites as
stating
scientific journalists who careful not to
more credible than
unsubstantiated
are well-educated in the generalize or
others, seeing as
claims makes for a
specific field that they are assume, though these articles are
weak argument and
writing about, or in
-- the best
written by scientific a weak paper in
another scientific field,
claims are
journalists who are
general. By using
and more often than not supported by
well-educated in the hedged language, I
have a degree in
evidence. Can specific field that they am able to
journalism as well.
you substantiate are writing about (or communicate my
this?
in another scientific message while still
field) and often times sounding credible
have a degree in
and reliable to my
journalism as well. audience.
(WP-1) In order to
I'm wondering In order to compare To make my thought
compare and contrast, what you're
and contrast, we will process easier to
we will start at the most trying to
start by examining
follow, I wanted to
standard, unbiased
accomplish in the common
get more specific on
sources for science
this paragraph... conventions
what exactly I was
news: scientific
topic sentences associated with the going to be talking
websites.
help me follow most standard,
about in the
your thought
unbiased sources for following paragraph.
process, so you science news:
Being explicit in
might wanna
scientific websites. your purposes as a
consider being
writer is key to
a little more
keeping the
clear with your
audiences
purposes here.
attention. Adding
important details
also helped my
topic sentence
relate more to my
thesis.

Rodrigues 3
(WP-1) Concerning the Yes, for sure -- Concerning the tone Answering the So
tone of these articles, the can you remind of these articles, the What? question is
authors are usually meant me about how authors are usually just as important as
to take an objective
this relates back meant to take an
including the
stance in the way that
to your central objective stance in
evidence/analysis
they report and explain argument?
the way that they
itself. I decided to
information and current
report and explain
add a line after my
In
other
words,
events.
information and
topic sentence
there's an
current events. This explaining exactly
objective stance position contributes why maintaining an
-- OK, so
not only to their
objective stance is
what?
credibility, but also
essential to these
their intention to
articles.
appeal to an
audience that is
expecting factual,
unbiased journalism.
(WP-1) And, not only is Help me see
Also, as
In order to help my
the language in these
this. Prove it. demonstrated by the reader really see
articles clear and
following quote:
the point I was
structured, the format is
Although vaccine
trying to
as well.
policy is politically
communicate in that
divisive, the
previous sentence, I
consensus scientific included a quote
view is that childhood that I felt
vaccines are safe and encompassed all
eective (...),
those
straightforward, to- characteristics.
the-point language is
a key attribute of
these articles.

Rodrigues 4
(WP-1) As Alex Reid
explains in his essay
Why Blog?, (...)
students in a literature
course face dierent
tasks from those in
economics courses or
biology courses, and
writers in public relations
face dierent tasks from
technical writers in the
computer industry or
analysts at the
bank (308).

Keep
In other words,
I think that it is
everything
writers from dierent crucial to make sure
you've got, but professions,
that every sentence
try adding in an disciplines, and fields that is included in a
"and here's how of study all write with paper is either
this connects to a unique exigency,
relevant to the main
my argument" while also adhering to argument, or is
line.
the conventions of
directly connected
their respective
to the thesis. This
genres.
addition impacts my
paper because it
provides that
necessary
connection between
my quote and my
thesis.
(WP-2) The psychology What was their It includes evidence Every genre is
article follows a very
evidence? What gleaned from
dierent when it
scientific format by
was their data? experiments and
comes to what its
including details about
And what might other research
writers deem
procedure, results,
that suggest
studies, which
significant and
analyses, and clinical
about what they underscores the
relevant. It was
implications. It evaluates privilege in their writers tendency to important for me to
evidence using statistical research?
privilege empirical
include what kind of
methods (...)
evidence in their
evidence the
work.
psychology article
valued, because it
emphasized an
essential convention
of the genre.

Rodrigues 5
(WP-2) (...) the writer
goes through piece by
piece, answering and/or
countering every
argument the other writer
poses.

Can you think

of a more
sophisticated
way of phrasing
this? Think:
nerd-verbs.

the writer dissects

each piece,
answering and/or
countering every
argument the other
writer poses.

I replaced the
phrase goes
through with
dissect, to make
my writing sound
more articulate.
Sounding like a
shrewd,
knowledgeable
writer is an
important vibe to
give o to an
audience because it
makes you seem
credible and
reliable.
(WP-2) Furthermore,
Can you work In addition to writing Though providing
Jezebel is a feminist blog in a smoother with the audience in claims, evidence,
site, with a large female transition from mind, maintaining an and analyses are
audience, so it is
sentence/idea 1 appropriate tone is important, none of it
important that they are to sentence/
incredibly important will be eective or
writing about topics they idea 2?
in writing a piece (...) persuasive for the
know will be relevant to
reader if they are not
their readers.
presented in a
Tone is incredibly
cohesive way. To
important in writing a
make the segue
piece (...)
between two
paragraphs/ideas
smoother, I tried to
include a smoother
transition that
referenced the
previous
paragraphs idea.

Rodrigues 6
(WP-2) Contrary to these Hook me up!
academic works, the
Help me see
blog post does comprise this stu.
of quite a bit of humor,
sarcasm, profanity, and
contemporary slang (...)

(WP-2) Using subjective

first person language like
this makes the writing
sound personal,
emphatic, and relatable.
This is another important
move that the author
makes, because it allows
the reader to feel like
they connect with their
writing.

All of the
Providing detailed
aforementioned
evidence to back up
elements are
a claim is key to
demonstrated in one creating an eective
of the authors
and persuasive
responses to a
piece for the reader.
columnists remark In this case, I
about her size 18
decided to include a
friend[s] thoughts quote to
on skinny-shaming: demonstrate my
OMG, YOU HAVE A point, and to help
FAT FRIEND? Hey,
the audience
PS, f*ck your fat
visualize what I am
friend! Your fat friend talking about.
doesn't speak for
me.
Sure does. Can Using subjective first Again, in this
you weave this person language like instance I needed to
into more of an this makes the writing answer the So
argument? What sound personal,
What? question
do you want to emphatic, and
here. I added a line
say about this? relatable, which is an about how this is
Does this make important and
eective for this
it a more
eective move for
particular genre.
eective piece? this particular genre This clarifies my
Or does that
because it allows the point that this move
depend? Why/ reader to feel like
is one that is
not?
they can connect
beneficial in this
with their writing.
genre, but it may
not be as successful
in other genres that
value objectivity.

Rodrigues 7
(WP-2) They are also
free to use whatever
language they desire,
whereas scholarly pieces
are limited to using
formal, academic
language that would be
deemed appropriate by
the scientific community.
This is important
because(...)

What's
important?

They are also free to This correction to

use whatever
my writing was a
language they desire, matter of
Tip: put a noun whereas scholarly
clarification. I
after this/these pieces are limited to needed to be
just so you're as using formal,
specific in what I
super-clear as academic language was calling
possible for
that would be
important. It is
your reader.
deemed appropriate important to be as
by the scientific
clear as possible so
community. This is an that the reader is
important
never confused or
aordance(...)
unsure of what you
as a writer are
talking about.