Peer Review for Sally Al-Omari by Nam Nguyen

1. The introduction does set up the situation for the context. It starts by introducing the
book, and the author who is providing his messages. These messages are intended to be
sent to all audiences, but mostly feminists. She uses many metaphorical events in his
horror style book to convey his idea about how women were looked at in the 1950s.
About the text, it could be improved by adding evidences for the thesis from the book, so
the audiences will know what to come. Besides, the term rape culture can be changed
to something else to be more sound.
2. The focus of the analysis is good when directly using the historical context to provide
evidence for the claims. However, there was no connection stated toward the book so the
audiences may not be clear about this even if they are familiar with the book. But if there
are some, it may help showing how far can the argument goes.
3. Thesis: Gender inequality is still a big issue among people today, especially when dealing
with the rape culture
Topic 1: Roles of men to be the superior providers while women were held to be an
inferior.
Couldnt find more, but the essay does revolve around the thesis, though it needs more
supports. The claim can be seen after every analysis of short passages in the text. Still, the
thesis should state the real intention of the essay: to tell people how bad this gender
discrimination is, as why they need to resolve this issue ASAP. Besides, I cant seems to
find the second topic sentence, so it should be added.
4. About analysis, the author used specific contents from the book, like quotes, to prove her
claim. She analyze the passage through sentences and make connections with the thesis
with it. The passages may be obvious, but the message is not, and she pointed it out. She
also mentions parallelism between the text and the context of historical background.
However, outside sources are needed to make this work perfect.

5. Yes, these paragraph have good cohesion with the thesis. In the first body paragraph, the
author provides example about how Neville decision toward his choice of experiment,
and then analyze the text and draw conclusion from every details of the passages.
However, it can be improved by adding sources which support the claim made from the
reaction of Neville (as why can his action be analyzed this way)
6. In the ending of the first body paragraph, I cant really find a transition. I rather call it a
short conclusion of that paragraph, but it has no value in transiting the flow of the text.
Besides, the claim should not be generalized, or it can cause offense in readers (the
mindset that men held back in 1950s -> in mens heads this is all they got about women,
which should not apply to all of them)