AlMutairi 1

During the draft, I realize that everything that we were doing the class by reading narrative
articles have a huge influence to me. When I started to write, I felt so happy to what I achieved
during these years and I want to write more so I can see my progress.
As Im workaholic, I will keep it up and study harder and harder. I will not stop to learn more
about the thing I like. No matter what the other think of me.
Even if writing is too hard, I will keep working on my writing skill which I noticed that Im
struggling with it. Maybe because Im lack with ideas so to fix that I need to read more book that
Im interested to it. It would help me to become better writer which helps a lot of writer. I hope
that one day, I will become better writer. Also I will try to not be scared to share my thought and
ideas even if I had grammar error. I know once I was embarrassed from my teacher not because I
have grammar errors, because my answer is right. Maybe because of that situation I avoid to
interact with my peers and share thought. I will work in myself to be more confident
I feel that my events not connected to each other, what I could do to connect more event without
confusing the audience by jumping between these events?

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:42 PM

Comment [1]: Yes, reading will help with
writing, whether through inspiration or more
knowledge.

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:43 PM

Comment [2]: It is a difficult social
interaction for sure. But its something that
cant be worked on through anything but
diving in and doing it. I wonder if you face the
same anxiety with WRC session or is that
different because they are supposed to tutor
on writing?
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:43 PM
Comment [3]: Ok, so youd like feedback
on making connections between your topics.

AlMutairi 2

Abeer AlMutairi
Professor Rebecca Agosta
UWRT 1101 035
1 October 2015
Never give up your dream, it may come true
I remember that I was sitting in a small room where the lights were very bright and
everyone is wearing a white coat. There was a strong smell bothering everybody, oh this is
normal!! Because we were sitting in the chemistry lab. I remember that day with every little

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:43 PM

Comment [4]: Excellent MLA
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:44 PM
Comment [5]: Capitalize the first letter in
each word in your title.
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:44 PM
Comment [6]: Stay

detail like it was yesterday.

In that day, I was annoyed while I was doing my experiment. My major was biochemistry
but wasnt my favorite not that I hated it but I didnt enjoy it at all and I decided to continue in
that major even if its not my first choice. It took me a while to figure that out even when I did

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:46 PM

Comment [7]: Why didnt you enjoy it?
What made you continue with it?

well in this major, its not my favorite. Why did I keep studying that? Why did I keep torturing
myself to learn something neither I like nor I have the willing to love it? I kept asking these
question and I know it took me awhile to decide which by then I was senior. I was hesitating to
take a step before I got to this point. Finally, I done it and drop everything. I know what you
thinking now, why I didnt do it from the beginning? Why I waited all this time and waste

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:46 PM

Comment [8]: Good, so you show that
even you were uncertain as to why you kept
up with it.
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:47 PM
Comment [9]: What made you decide?

everything? Simply, my answer is that I have a passion, dream that I had to chase which isnt in
that field. I realize that I have passion from the beginning but I didnt do anything when I didnt
get acceptance to study that.
One day, while I was sitting in the backyard enjoy the nice weather and drinking my
coffee, my phone rang. I picked it up:

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:48 PM

Comment [10]: Ah, so you originally
wanted to studying something else, werent
accepted for it, so you just picked something
else.

After doing hat for awhile, you felt like it
wasnt worth it. You could help the reader
understand this more if we knew your dream
at the end here what was the path you
wished you had taken .. or if youre wanting to
leave that as a mystery for now.. what was it
that finally made you realize that you had to
act on the dream.

AlMutairi 3

Institution: Hi, May I speak to Abeer

Me: sure, Abeers speaking

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:49 PM

Institution: oh, Hi Abeer Im calling from the institution PAAET, I would like to inform

Comment [11]: Name this since readers

will not know what PAAET means.

you that you are accepted to join us with the major you selected

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:50 PM

Comment [12]: Removing indention since
this is connected to the same paragraph as
your dialogue.

I was speechless when I heard the good news, finally I will learn more about things that I really
love. I loved that day which I finally will chase my dream.
The semester began. I was super excited to learn more and to be an expert in that field. In
each class I was eager to learn more. Then, years have passed and still I studied hard and
diligently like the first day of classes in order to reach the ambition. I was studying in the
institute to get a high diploma not a bachelors degree. Even when I was studying my favorite
subject, there was something bothering me the most that in order to get a bachelor degree, the
role in the institution stated that only the top 3 student of alumni in each year have the chance to
get a scholarship. It made me nervous a lot. What are the odds that I will be among the top 3? It
was really frustrating even though I kept working hard and I thought no matter what happens I
would continue studying.
This is the big thing for me, the day that my dream came true, the graduation day. Finally
I made it, I have completed a high diploma in computer engineering. After that day, I was
thinking of my future that Im willing to study and learn more, whats the next step should be? I
waited for the institution to tell me whether Im among top 3 or not. The time goes by slowly,
and I was nervous. They took about one year to tell me. While I waited for them, I decide to have
a job and work for a while. After that year passed, finally they called me and informed me. I was
sad and happy at the same time, happy that I was among top 3 student and I have the choice to

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:49 PM

Comment [13]: Did you apply again? Is
that why you got this call? Maybe at the end
of that last paragraph, you can say that you
decided to go for your major again.
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:51 PM
Comment [14]: I definitely think we need
to know the major, and why you were so
diligent. How was this different than your last
major? Both, Im assuming, take hard work, so
how did this fulfill you in a different way?
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:53 PM
Comment [15]: Meaning to go on to a
program that allowed for a bachelors degree?

the chance to get a scholarship to obtain a
bachelors degree

Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:53 PM

Comment [16]: did you have any idea
where you measured up against your fellow
peer students?
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:54 PM
Comment [17]: Ok, now you tell us, and I
think it would be helpful to learn about this
earlier in the piece.
Rebecca 10/7/2015 1:56 PM
Comment [18]: This was confusing
because at the beginning of your paragraph
you say it is graduation day and the day your
dreams come true. I think the reader would
expect to find out about the scholarship on
that day, not a year later. This means that you
need to clarify what dream is coming true:
completing a degree in computer
engineering? I was starting to think your
dream was the bachelors degree. Also,
expand on graduation day more before
moving on to the scholarship. You finished a
high diploma something you almost
obtained with your first major. How did it feel
to finish? How did others react to you
finishing?

AlMutairi 4

choose from 4 different countries, and sad because I just started a new life and got married which
I couldnt decide by my own anymore but I know it will not be an hurdle in the way of my
success and what I thought was right, he is a big supportive for me and encouraged me to

Rebecca 10/7/2015 2:00 PM

Comment [19]: Interesting, so not only
your choice now.

complete the journey, which I has already started.

Rebecca 10/7/2015 2:00 PM

Comment [20]: Thats great

Literacy is something that is very important to me, it is a way of life and very essential to
everyone, everywhere. Its how people connect, whether it is being able to read, write or
communicate. Everyone is literate in some area of a subject. I am also literate in music. I can
read music notes because I play a piano. Just like everything else in the world that you expect to
get better at, it is important to practice repeatedly. I've been literate in music for four years. Like
how I can communicate with people by talking, I can communicate with them through music. It
is easy to be literate in music even if you dont know how to read music notes. It mean that you
can feel the music, which is communication between your brain and your body.

Rebecca 10/7/2015 2:03 PM

Comment [21]: We need to talk about this
section. It is word-for-word like another piece,
and I wonder if you looked at blogs or online
sites to get ideas. This would be considered
using a source without appropriate citation of
that source, and it must be resolved before
our final submission.

Reading and writing had a significant impact on how I interact with the world. Arabic is
my first language, what I spoke and heard at home. It doesn't mean that I dont know
communicate in English either read or write. Ive read a good numbers of books were in English.
But I know that I have weakness in writing, maybe because lack of idea, which led me to focused
on that and enter English institute to be better writer.
I remembered the first day which was awful. I had a bad experience with my reading and
writing teacher. As the section was for international students, he thought that we dont know
anything in English. This was not true, everyone have some weakness skill which was normal.
Once, he asked for word meaning. He assumed that all of us dont know English even when we
in level 5. I gave him a definition of that word which surprised him. Would you come over and
teach the class instead of me? he humiliated me. I was so embarrassed and all my peers burst

Rebecca 10/7/2015 2:06 PM

Comment [22]: Im wondering why this
music paragraph is in here. It is an issue in
itself because of it coming from another
writer, but it also disconnects your story. If
you go from considering where to go with
your scholarship, you could discuss what you
decided and how that led you to an English
school. Did you attend ELTI or another
institution before enrolling at UNCC?

AlMutairi 5

laughing on me. I didnt mean that, I just answered his question. After that I hate writing class
which I shouldnt share my thought or ideas.

Rebecca 10/7/2015 2:10 PM

Comment [23]: It seems to me that your
story is progressing well, and now it just needs
to talk about how you continued your dream
in America. It seems like this teacher was a
roadblock, so how did you overcome that
roadblock?

Maybe then you can discuss taking classes
within your major of computer engineering, so
we can see that dream realized here in
America?

What else did you want to include.

Everything until the music scene connected
together, and removing it will help you move
from getting the scholarship to your first
writing class here. The reader probably needs
to know what school you decided on and how
you came to America and had to take
language classes first. Then I think wed be
ready to hear about how you are continuing
your dream this semester with engineering
classes.

Revisit that idea of standing up for your
dreams. It seems like a big theme for your
paper.

AlMutairi 6

Cover page

What went well during the writing of this draft explain

What was challenging about the writing of this draft explain
One passage/paragraph/aspect you know you want to keep explain
One passage/paragraph/aspect you might want to revise explain
One question you have about this draft for me explain

A thoughtful, thorough cover letter will be about 15 sentences long