Social Location

Identity
I've always been lost. Lost with a constant struggle between being entertaining and depression,
with clashing cultures between parents and friends, with the desire to assimilate that conflicts,
with the compulsion for isolation, and most of all with the loneliness felt when surrounded by
amazing people. It only took a visit to a mental facility, a couple of therapists, and a great
amount of support for me to realize, life, takes a little selfishness. I love my family and they have
always treated me well. (Purpose to express myself) I found myself giving away everything
important to me, my family, friends, school, and the rest of my responsibilities else was
prioritized before me, and I'll be honest, it really damaged me. Years of building this new
identity, this artificial identity, took a toll on my personality. I was withered down until the place
that ached, suddenly felt like an empty hole. What defeated me even more was society has
such a stigma when dealing with depression. When I started telling the people I cared about, I
was told many times, "it will get better", "God will make the hurt go away", but what people don't
realize is that it doesn't hurt. The way I felt was broken. I had depression for a long time before I
realized what I needed. (Fits my purpose to express my self)Thankfully I got support, but now
I'm back at square one. Where do I start to build the real me? When I was in the hospital, there
wasn't much to do, instead of wasting time I read Looking for Alaska. Even if this book was
written by a very cliche author, it made me realize, reading helped me find who I was. Every
time I read, no matter what the classification of the reading is, I make sure I complete it. Things
I don't like, do like, that keep me hooked, and even books that I'd pick the back of a cereal box
over are finished. I build myself with this new found interest in reading. (These two sentences
vary in sentence structure) While my writing has become much more expressive, I feel way
more in touch with my voice in writing and display my emotions much more. Instead of writing
for humor or for the desire of my audience, I write for myself. To escape an empty shell, I write. I
write to show the people how I feel. (Switched up sentence structure)I write to show people
my real identity.
2.) Speech
What is the reason people seek out the presences of a God? (Rhetorical question) Is it
motivation for goodness, or is it the sense of comfort we feel, or is it to imagine that there is a
God to redeem you? Is that all we do as humans, find something to blame our mistakes on, but
face it, the reality is the mistakes we make are our responsibility.(polysndeton) Wether or not you
believe, there is no predestined path, the choices made are yours. The desire for redemption is
extremely important to us when we recognize our own mistake. The guilt and insecurity that
comes with it leaves us with the desire for forgiveness. The hundreds of religions prove that
humans desire redemption.
Everyone has their own belief and their own way of finding it, but many religion's goals
are to forgive mistakes that are made or to minimize them. (Fits my formal style)Often times
leaving people chasing some oasis in or at the end of life. I don't know really where I stand.
There is the fear that I'll be condemned due to the choices I make. Fear that there is no puppet

string and I'm on my own,fear the chance of failing "God" but I find my self questioning these
religious people (audience could get offended with zealots) shouting and persuading people
to believe in their god despite of my fear. I find myself wondering how a single god can be true
when there are hundreds of other repeating the same theme under a different name.
(Removed of course for sentence structure) I want to believe there is support from a high
power, but at the end of the day all you really really(repitition) have is yourself. It's necessary to
understand how to live independently, if you can't forgive yourself how can you expect a god
too? It's not logical, to plead guilty, to comfort yourself. (Hypophora)The idea of impurity is up to
the individual. How can one have the audacity to ask for forgiveness when they don't approve of
their own actions? (Made this a questions to fit the style) Why is it easier to follow a set of
rules from a religion than our own morals. Be the personal god to your life and you won't live life
seeking for forgiveness. Pure, or not, make yourself happy and follow your own moral code,
because that is what makes a good person. (Compound sentence added on this
sentence)Your own actions should be the reason for your happiness. Being a good person
should be up the individual.
There is to much doubt and chance that everything is insignificant to not enjoy life on the
other hand. There are plenty of tools for entertainment that many religions wouldn't approve of.
Tools for entertainment, because the isolation we feel inside our own heads is lonely. Tools
family, friends, and even I wouldn't approve of. Entertainment is short, it occupies the time
anyway. The person that will always be there to pick you up is yourself. Depend on no one else
to make you happy. Plenty of people judge the choices I make, and I may not be making the
right choice. St. Augustine said O lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. So wherever you are
God, (apostrophe)I definitely need purity, but you haven't stopped me yet.(rhetorical question
again)
Broke it up into paragraphs for organization
3.) I believe
Foot tapping, soft sighs, and a boring drawl going on in the background,
church really does take forever. Tick tick tick the second hand on my watch taunts
me, how can an I hour go by so slow? Each long second puts me closer to sleep. My
mother's sharp sense of sight watches over my family and I making sure we pay
attention. God, communion, the bible, it's not really what I like to do. How can
someone try to force me to do something I hate? (Rhetorical question for style)
Being there and learning isn't the issue, it's the fact that I was forced to go.
Growing up in a Catholic school, surrounded by nuns and other children who
have no better idea than I did of why we were there. Days of learning about the
bible and coming home and facing the same speeches I heard all day at school and
the same reminder not to forget who I should be grateful too. (Compound
sentence added to carry sentence structure) I wasn't tired from hearing these
things, I appreciated their caring words and how they wanted me to succeed in their
beliefs. But that was the problem. It was their beliefs. I dreamed of being an
individual, I longed for the day I could find what I had a passion for.

Living life under the pressure of the church, while painful, shaped my
individuality. It taught me everything I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be the
parent that imposes my beliefs onto my children, I didn't want to be a opinionless
follower, I didn't want to be just another forgotten son, I needed more. The fear of
losing myself to my parents, friends, and authority didn't sit well. I wanted to be
equal and have no fear of being judge by the people that were supporting me. I
know it was in their best interests, but I didn't desire their interest I desired my
own.
I still wait till this day for the time I can be an individual. I'm exhausted by
this Catholics brand. The desire to be my own person is never greater than when I
am in the church. I hope one day I fulfill this desire to be who I need to be, and now
who I want to be. Until then I'll keep my mouth shut and ideas going because I am
my own person and no one, not even a priest, can reach my thoughts