The author of this essay is _Samantha Edmonds

__________________________________________________.

Online Peer Review of Essay #1

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete sentences and
specific examples. On the writers document, turn on the Track Changes feature (ReviewTrack
Changes): In this way, the author can see what changes you think should be made. Feel free to make
comments directly on the writers draft (New CommentClickType your constructive feedback).

Organization and Introduction

1.

Organization
a. Is this draft organized in a standard pattern: an introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the
overall significance of the topic? Note on the paper where the organization seems to be
ineffective.
Yes it is. It has a definite introduction, body, and conclusion.

2.

Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the paper.
a. Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay?
It does narrow at the end but I think it could be a bit clearer.
b. Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:
1. Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? Yes
2. Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? The thesis could use a bit more narrowing.
3. Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? It is implicit.
c. At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? No
d. After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively prepares
the reader for the discussion or not.
It did effectively state that the book was important to her, it could use a little more in the intro
to show why or the impact it had.

Body Paragraphs

4.

1.

Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Yes

2.

Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? No

3.

Does one point/section logically lead to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? Yes, the
paragraphs are a continuation of the previous one.

Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of the paper? No

Conclusion
1.
2.

Does the concluding section sum upwithout being repetitivethe major points/conclusions of the
paper? It touches back on the thesis but it can be developed a bit more.
After reading the entire essay, are the following required elements included?
Clear thesis No

Engaging Introduction Yes

Does the conclusion refer to the introduction? Yes

Use of Vivid Details and a Significant Point

1.

Are there any unnecessary unnecessary explanations that would be better told through
showing rather than telling? No

2. What does the theme, lesson, or insight seem to be?

Samantha is letting us know how important this book is to her and why it is her favorite.
3. Does the insight seem too obvious or too general?

I think is a bit general, she can expand on how this has affected her life. Or, show
what kind of impact finding out the reason behind it had on her.

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Are there any words that are clich, used too often, or meaningless?
There were a few times Well was used where it could be left off.

2.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, circle it.

3.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase
to determine if it is necessary. No

4.

MLA Guidelines
Heading Needs work
1 margins Yes
Double-spaced throughout : It
is at 1.5

No

Page numbers in upper righthand corner No

5. How near to completion is this draft? It needs to be developed a bit more. It is still short of the 1300
words required and it can use a bit more about how this has affected her life or the significance of it.