RaeQuan Peterson

Fall 2015

Professor. M. McCampbell
English 101
03 December 2015
RaeQuan a good idea. I would like to see more details about who is going to make the school
lunches. I am thrilled with your improved use of grammar and punctuation. Keep it up.

Essay 4 Childhood Obesity

108/130

In the United States there is a fast growing awareness about the high rates of childhood
obesity and the effects it can have on a childs life, health, and wellbeing. Childhood obesity is a
serious medical condition that affects children and adolescents. It occurs when a child is well
above the normal weight for his or her age and height (Understanding childhood obesity). In
todays society about one in three children and teens are overweight or obese; thats nearly triple
the rate in 1963 ("10 Surprising Facts about Childhood Obesity."). If these high rates continue to
increase there wont be a positive future for the children of the United States. Some type of
action must be taken in order to fix this growing unhealthy problem; such as having healthier
lunches starting with schools
Children that are obese often tend to be at a higher risk for multiple diseases and
challenges such as diabetes, asthma, heart disease, and sometimes even death. There is a
difference in a child being overweight and being obese (10 Surprising Facts about Childhood
Obesity"). Being overweight means a child is above a weight that is considered normal and
healthy. When a child is obese the child is severely overweight with a body mass index that is
equal to or greater than the 95th percentile (Alliance for a Healthier Generation). Its important

to know a childs body mass index at a young age. Parents can catch the child at their early
stages of obesity and change the unhealthy dietary behaviors.
There are many different reasons that can contribute to a child can becoming obese. Data
has shown that children that live in low-income neighborhoods frequently lack full-service
grocery stores and farmers markets where residents can buy a variety of high-quality fruits,
vegetables, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products (SIC). Without being able to afford proper
daily healthy nutrition children often tend to go to corner stores and buy junk food/snacks rather
than buying fruits (The facts on junk food marketing and kids). This is not a healthy habit for
children at a young age to have because it sets a bad pattern for them to have in their adulthood.
Dont double-space in between paragraphs
There are many solutions to fix the fast growing rate of childhood obesity. The major
impact to fix this problem needs to begin with the school systems and the foods they serve
children in schools all around the United States. According to recent blog posted to
Artinstutes.edu it states Processed foods that are high in fat, sugar, and salt have become a
mainstay of lunches in schools across America and the results are in experts say these
unhealthy school lunches are a contributing factor to the childhood obesity epidemic. A
movement is afoot to bring change to school lunch programs across the country. If the United
States could put more money into schools around the country lunch programs this wouldnt be
such a big issue. When a child normally likes something such as a good meal that they were
served in school theyll sometimes even go home and ask their parent to make that meal. Here
are some questions that havent been answered: Will this cost more money? If so, who pays for
it? If not, what is involved in making the switchdo we outsource to local cooks? More details
about how to implement the plan are needed.

The fast rate of childhood obesity can be slowed down. Society has to focus on the
positive outcome it will bring. Some things that contribute to a child being obese varies because
everyone is different. If schools and families enforce a healthier lifestyle starting with the root of
the problem obesity rates could be avoided and demolished. If schools and families get educated
about the topic and serious health risk that comes with obesity they may stop and think before
they let children eat garbage food. If children are opened to new healthier eating habits over a
period of time they will start to adjust to that way of eating and the obesity rates will drop
tremendously.

Works Cited Good variety of sources need to be alphabetized.

1. "10 Surprising Facts About Childhood Obesity." Www.unitypoint.org/blankchildrens/.

Blank Children's Hospital, 4 Feb. 2014. Web. 3 Dec. 2015.
2. "Childhood Obesity Information." Childhood Obesity Information. Robert Wood Johnson
Foundation, n.d. Web. 04 Dec. 2015.
3. "Why Low-Income and Food Insecure People Are Vulnerable to Obesity Food
Research & Action Center." Food Research Action Center Why LowIncome and Food
Insecure People Are Vulnerable to Obesity Comments. Beaulac Et Al., 2009, 2013. Web.
3 Dec. 2015.
4. Understanding childhood obesity Www.MayoClinic.org. American Heart Association.
Web.3 Dec. 2015.
5. Kovacic, W. e. (2008). Marketing food to children and adolescents: A review of industry
expenditures, activities, and self-regulation: A Federal Trade Commission report to
Congress. Federal Trade Commission.
6. ENGL 101
7. M. McCampbell
8. Fall 2015
9.

10.

ESSAY 4 - PROPOSAL

11.

SCORING RUBRIC

12.
Topic
Introducti
on
0 15
points
>12

Thesis
0 10
points>7

Analyze
solution
and how

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the
problem; vague
reference to
solution.

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points

0 4 points
Identifies the
solution; flat
statement about
the solution.

5 7 points

0 7 points
Flat statement of
how solution will
address problem

8 - 12 points

State the problem, situation

or enterprise; support your
reasoning with researched
information to show how
there is a problem, a needy
situation or a worth
enterprise.

Identify the solution, judges

it, and shows its relationship
to the problem, situation or
enterprise .

How it should address the

problem or fix it. At least

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem;
clear background;
clearly shows who
/what is affected;
comments about
available initiatives;
Specific appeal to
the audience.

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the
solution.

13 15 POINTS
Provides several
specific
examples/statistics/d

to
implemen
t it
0 15
points>1
3 Good
connecti
ons
between
the
problem
(well
documen
ted and
describe
d) and
school
lunches
Evaluate
the
solution
0 15
points>1
0 more
details
needed
about
costs of
change
in lunch
program
and who
is going
to do it.
Conclusio
n
05
points>4

Does not include

affected group
Does not
describe the
process of
implementation.

one verifiable statistic or

examples or detail and cite
it

etails how solution

will address the
problem.

Shows how affected group

will benefit(or not)

Gives specific
examples/evidence
of how the affected
group will benefit(or
not)

Describes the process, costs

and materials for
implementation

Clearly explains
implementation,
cost, materials and
other relevant detail.

0 7 points
Reports on
outcomes
Not
recommendation
Does not address
the affected
group or the
feasibility/practic
ality

8 - 12 points

0 2 point

3 4 points

5 points

Flatly summary of
problem,
solution, and
whether is it
acceptable or
not.
Brings up a new
subject.

Restates the final judgment

and connects with the
problem and how well the
solution will work.

Refers to topics
brought up in the
intro; indicates the
degree of challenge
the problem poses
and how the solution
can address it.

In-Text Citations
0 -10 points>10

Clearly stated judgment of

solution
Projects effectiveness and
impact on affected group
Comments on the
practicality/feasibility of the
implementation
Support with researched
evidence.

0 4 points
Material is not cited
correctly or
appropriately at least

5 7 points
Most material is
correctly and
appropriately cited;

13 15 POINTS
Comments on the
quality of the
solution and
supports with
specific evidence
Comments on the
level of
feasibility/practicality
of the solution
Gives specific
details/examples.

8 10 points
All material is correctly
and appropriately cited;
follows MLA format

Work Cited Entries

0 -5 points> 3 the last
entry is not completely
cited; alphabetize the
sources.
Quality of sources
0 -5 points>4

Paragraph Structure
0 -10 points>10

three times; does not

follow MLA format.
0 2 point
MLA format is
haphazardly followed;
entries are not
alphabetized; uses URL
instead of citation.
Sources include
questionable credibility
or are personal sites
0 4 points
One or two topic
sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

Coherence
0 -10 points>9

Paragraph not related to

topic;
Organization does not
follow a clear pattern;
Abrupt changes;

Diction
0 -10 points>8

Wording is vague;
Words are confused
with other meanings
Grammatical
conventions are
infracted;
Uses second pers prn;

13.Errors (prorated / 500 words) -2=18

14.
15.TOTAL POINTS___>_________/130
16.

MLA format is correct

without errors

3 4 points
Three sources are on
Work Cited list; list is
mostly correct; all
entries are alphabetized

5 points
All work cited entries
are correct.

Sources are relevant

and credible; some
sources are not clarified
in the essay.
5 7 points
Clearly stated topic
sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
related to thesis
Paragraphs arranged in
logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
pronouns;
Avoids redundant
wording;
Uses words correctly
Avoids slang and worn
out cliches

All sources are relevant

and credible and clearly
identified in the essay
8 10 points
Topic sentences are
specifically worded and
link thesis and all
supporting material
Transitions move ideas
clearly throughout
essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis
Writers voice is clear
and authoritative;
Employs specific words;
employs active voice
and specific verbs;
Wording is concise