Young 1

Zachary Young
Chapter 7
FHS 2400
Active Listening
I had a conversation with a close friend who had recently gone through a tragic event so I was
trying to comfort her. She didnt feel ok and I was trying to convince her otherwise. I decided not to
interview her afterwards so I dont know her verbal reaction afterwards.
Summarizing what she said didnt seem to make much of a difference. Maybe there was some
hidden meaning behind summarizing that I wasnt able to detect, but it just seemed to add to the
conversation. Perhaps simply by lengthening the conversation we were able to more clearly think about
the situation and therefore contributing to the effectiveness of the conversation.
Paraphrasing definitely made a difference. The act of letting her know that I understood what she
was talking about but worded differently not only bridged an understanding between us, but also allowing
me to provide another perspective. We seemed to paraphrase each other a number of times on accident,
it just went with the flow of the conversation.
Validating was arguably the most effective tool I used in the conversation. Letting her do most of
the talking with me validating her feelings made her feel understood. It was a way to confirm that what
she was feeling was normal or justified, and that helped a lot. The pure expression of feelings followed by
a validation of those feelings allowed for peace of mind.
Clarifying was useful, but mostly for myself and not for my partner. Being able to better
understand the situation by asking questions not only provided me with more information, but also let her
know I was listening. She was more engaged when I asked for clarification about certain aspects of the
situation, which I found very interesting.
Communication behaviors of happily married couples include summarizing, paraphrasing,
validating, and clarifying (Strong & Cohen, 2014, 252). Now I understand why, they typically dont result in
direct conflict and instead focus in on the cause of the conflict. Other forms of conflict management dont
work as well because they focus on the individual or some other entity that doesnt necessarily relate to
the root of the problem.

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Works Cited
Strong, B, & Cohen, T. F. (2014). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a
changing society (12th Ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.