Larry Wallace

fq7966@wayne.edu
248-638-8903
Outsider Experience
January 14, 2016

18 / 20 VERY GOOD! Just need more details @ feeling left out

Please see syllabus @ naming this attachment reviewed during class #1

~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER WORLD.
YOUR VOICE HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information

Wayne State University junior and former baseball player Kevin Moore said he views African-American
athletes as individuals who consistently demonstrate high leadership qualities.

I see black athletes as people who are goal driven about the sports that they play, said Moore. They
also constantly show leadership and want to have a positive impact on the people around them.

As a black male, Moore said, he first felt like an outsider nearly 16-years ago when he chose to participate
in a predominantly white sport, after he received inspiration from a sibling.

Growing up, I was motivated by my older brother to play baseball because I would always witness the
fun he was having while playing the sport, he said. But I never knew that the sport would eventually
lead to me feeling like an outsider.

Moore said the moment he felt like he did not belong most was at the age of 10.

As my team started to travel when I was around 10., I really began feeling like an outsider because I
noticed that most of the teams that we were playing were made up of whites, he said.
INSERT a specific incident or experience what happened ??

Moore said this feeling of not belonging soon led to him questioning whether baseball was for him or not.

At a young age, whenever I didnt do so well while playing, I would always find myself second guessing
the sport, he said. I think me feeling like an outsider had a lot to do with it.

Moore said the feeling of being an outsider did not stop him and his teammates from demonstrating a
good sport ethic while on the field.

My team and I did not let feeling like outsiders impact how we played baseball, he said. We learned to
deal with the feeling of being outsiders by continuing to play the game and playing it well.

However, Young athletes should not let the feeling of being an outsider get in the way of finding the
overall objective of a sport, said Moore.

If you are feeling like an outsider, dont let that get in the way of the main goal of the game, which is
playing the sport and continuing to get good at it, while also having fun, he said.