Consent

A presentation aimed to keep yourself and

others safe on college campuses

Find our Definition of Consent!

Please take out your phone or laptop and see if you can locate the consent
statement for the University of Memphis on our website.

Can I Use Your Phone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laMtr-rUEmY

What is consent

CONSENT is defined as a FREELY and affirmatively communicated

WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE in sexual activity, expressed either by WORDS

OR CLEAR, UNAMBIGUOUS ACTIONS.

MUTUAL agreement, based on a shared desire for specific sexual activities.

An ONGOING verbal interaction, taken one step at a time, to an expressed

and honest YES.

MUTUAL awareness of possible consequences of activities.

Each partner remains open to and RESPECTS the other partners expression of
agreement or disagreement to engage in the activity.

Consent 101

Consent should be mutually agreed upon: with a clear understanding of what

is being asked for and consented to. If you want to move to the next level of
sexual intimacy - ask first.

TOUCHING someone's breasts, genitals or buttocks without their consent is

sexual assault. So is making someone touch you. Any form of sexual activity
with another person without her or his consent is sexual assault.

Consent should be freely given: it should never be coerced, be forced,

involve pressure, intimidation or threats.

Consent must never be assumed or implied, even if you're in a relationship.

Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean that you always have
consent to have sex with your partner. Intimate partner rape, date rape and
acquaintance rape are the most common forms of rape.

What is not consent

Cooperation. Cooperation occurs when someone yes says, because he or she is

too scared or intimidated to say no.

Compliance. Compliance occurs when someone says yes, because giving in

physically and mentally is the easiest thing to do. Many people ask why
someone would say yes when he or she really means no. When there is an
imbalance of physical size and strength, or of status or authority, it can be
impossible to speak honestly of desires and limits.

Rape. Getting the other to say yes by threatening, forcing, manipulating,

intimidating, coercing, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, and getting him or
her drunk. (This is called RAPE. It is also against the law.)

Is it consent?

Silence, or not responding - is not consent. The absence of a No does not mean
Yes ... no answer does not mean Consent can be assumed.

Lack of physical resistance does not mean Consent can be assumed.

Someone threatened with violence, or intimidated psychologically, may be too
fearful to resist.

A Yes is not Consent when someone is coerced, pressured, or afraid of how their
partner might react to a No response: "I'm not sure if I'm ready" "I don't know if I
want to" "I'm scared" - all of these statements must be taken as meaning No.

Confused or unclear communication is not Consent. Sometimes we may think we

mean one thing when we are actually saying something else. Typical examples
that are not asking for Consent for sex are:
"Want to go back to my place?" (consent only to go to your place)
"Should we get it on?" (unclear what activity is intended)

Consent and Alcohol

Someone who is intoxicated from alcohol or drugs, voluntarily and

involuntarily, or who is unconscious or asleep, unaware, or otherwise helpless,
is not capable of giving Consent. Someone may be responsible for being
drunk, or high, but they are not responsible for being sexually assaulted.

When is it OK to say no?

IT IS ALWAYS OK TO SAY NO!

Ways to say No

Verbal

Don't touch me - means No.

I'm not sure if I'm ready - means No.

I don't know if I want to - means No.

I think I've had too much to drink - means No.

I don't want to get AIDS - means No.

I'm scared - means No.

Not now - means NO.

Ways to say No

Nonverbal

Non-verbal messages such as lack of eye contact, crossing arms, not responding, or
pulling away, can be signs of discomfort, anxiety or fear. In any of these situations
-stop immediately.

If your partner fights your advances, then you should stop immediately.

Failure to stop in these situations are considered RAPE and could land you in jail.

How to ask for consent

You may feel that asking for consent makes sex too formal. But it doesnt
need to be. It can be as simple as, Is this OK with you?

Other ways to ask:

I'd really like to hug / kiss / touch / ........... you. Would you like to?

Do you like it when I do this? Do you want to do it to me?

Is it OK if I take off my shirt / top / bra / pants ?

What would do you like me to do for you?

I really feel like making love / having sex with you.

Do you feel like it too?

Have you ever ............ ? Would you like to try it with me?

How to talk about consent

Consent is really about communication. It starts with getting to know each

other. Finding out what you like and dislike. Learning what you have
in common, and what is different.

If there is a sexual attraction between you, then talking about sex

will naturally flow out of this conversation.

Asking the Right Questions

How important is sex in a relationship?

When do you want to become sexually active in your relationship?

What are you looking for ... sexually?

What turns you on?

What turns you off?

What are your boundaries?

How fast or slow do you want to go?

Talking about questions like these can be fun and interesting. And can tell you a lot
about whether you are both sexually compatible. Much better to know this before
you begin a sexual relationship!

How to Report

Who to turn to:

Your RA

Your AAC

Counseling Services

Police

Professors or advisors

When to report

As soon as you can.

When you feel comfortable

Have a friend help you if you are worried about going alone

What keeps people from reporting

fear of publicity

fear of reprisal from assailant

fear of social isolation from the assailant's friends

fear that the police will not believe them

fear that the prosecutor will not believe them, or will not bring charges

self-blame for drinking or using drugs before the rape

self-blame for being alone with the assailant, perhaps in one's own or the
assailant's residence

mistrust of the campus judicial system

fear the emotional trauma of the legal process itself

fear that their family will find out

Women and Reporting

Less than One in Twenty college women who are victims of rape or
attempted rape report it to police or college authorities.

What low reporting ensures:

Few victims receive adequate help

Offender never confronted or prosecuted.

College unable to respond to issues.

Discussion

Get with your RA