Gilmore1

14 March 2016
Dear Roberta,
Throughout this Writing Two course, we covered many topics from the simple
steps of learning what a genre is to the inappropriate ways to use sources in an essay. The
class in general made me more comfortable in letting others read my work and how to
revise my own work. I feel my writing has improved from this course, but I have also
learned that there are still many more ways that it can be improved. As I learned from
revising both my writing projects, you are never done writing. There is always something
that can be changed or revised at any stage of the writing process. Although I feel I have
learned a lot in this course, there are many aspects I would like to improve in my writing.
I would like to learn more about specific stylistic choices depending on whom the piece
might be directed towards and how I can go deeper into my analysis without losing focus
on my thesis statement.
I tried to use all the different techniques we learned in this course while revising
both my second and third writing projects. In revising the second writing project, I
focused on improving the thesis statement and altering each body paragraph to match the
revisions I made to the thesis. In revising the third writing project, I focused on directing
my writing towards a specific audience and incorporating my sources more fluidly
throughout the piece. Revising these two projects required that I focus on different
strategies that I want to improve as I grow as a writer.
When rereading my essay and comments on writing project two, I realized that in
my mind I had a thesis statement that I was trying to prove throughout my essay, but I did
not make this thesis clear to the reader. My argument began as just stating that both
articles attempt to display the detrimental effects of cocaine use, the sociological
approach is much more effective at communicating the authors intended message than
the scientific approach. I think this was a good start in the direction I intended to discuss
in the rest of my essay, but I did not fully describe why the sociological article is more
effective. I was able to revise this statement by adding that the sociological articles
writing style is directed towards a more general audience rather than a specific chemistry
audience, which is important because the seriousness of the topic makes it preferable to
inform as many people as possible about the detrimental effects of cocaine use. In this
context it is preferable to reach out to a general audience in order to get as many people
in the population as possible to understand the effects of cocaine and to stop the use of it
altogether. After I revised my thesis statement, I went back and fixed my topic sentences
in the body paragraphs and added more analysis where needed. I tried to make it as clear
as possible how each body paragraph related back to the thesis statement and why it is
important that the general audience is being directed towards rather than a specific
audience. Also, I even made sure the concluding sentences directed back towards by
thesis statement. For example, in concluding the first body paragraph, I summarized my
analysis by stating, When discussing a topic such as cocaine use, anecdotal evidence
appeals more to a general audience by providing immediately understandable and
relatable information, while the detailed scientific evidence provides less clarity as to
how cocaine harms a users health and well being to a reader who lacks a scientific

Gilmore2
background. This emphasizes how the particular body paragraph is one example of how
the sociological article is more effective than the chemistry article.
For writing project three, I directed my revisions on my genre pieces. I believe I
was able to clearly write the Buzzfeed article in a manner appropriate to the intended
audience, but I had more difficulty when writing an email to a professor. When revising
my open genre to the professor, I made sure I wrote the email as if I actually needed to
write him about how I can improve my essay. The first draft was inappropriate for the
intended audience because I was telling him how to write an essay in that draft. Since a
professor would have expertise in how to write an essay, this was not a proper way to
frame my email. I changed the content of what I wrote in the email to explain why a poor
writing process resulted in my substandard essay, to note how improving my writing
process will lead to improvements on future essays, and to ask the professor for any
further guidance. This changed the essay to become more personal and demonstrated
respect for the professors discipline and advice, which is how an email to a professor
should be addressed because it is a one on one interaction. Also, in rereading my email, I
realized there were no transitions from each of the articles I cited, making it confusing to
the reader how one article related to the next. I fixed this by splitting up my explanations
of the three different drafts into three different body paragraphs and including clear topic
sentences to begin each paragraph. The subject line in the email also did not reflect the
content on my email. I polished this by changing the subject line to Improving my
essay rather than Importance of writing a rough draft. I realized that the previous
subject line only related to part of the email, while the revised line reflected the entire
email.
The feedback I received from these writing projects are helpful for improving my
writing in the future. In both writing project two and three, I found it helpful that none of
the comments were repetitive. One paragraph would suggest I emphasize on a specific
point and once I was able to correct this, I would move on to the next paragraph and be
able to find on my own where I need to expand on a similar topic. This showed me how I
should make similar edits and revisions in the future. After going back and revising these
errors, I was really able to see what I liked the most in my projects. I realized that I
thought I did a good job in showing how one academic discipline was more effective over
the other simply by the audience they attracted. In my writing project three, I was able to
take what I learned from writing project two and use my creativity in how I could attract
certain audience members. The work in my portfolio is able to show that I have learned
how to approach different types of genre writing, both in analyzing the differences in
certain genres and writing different genre pieces on my own. This helped me develop as a
writer, so that in future academic or non-academic writings I am able to use a certain
stylistic choice appropriate to that genre.
As I finish this course, there are many things that I will take with me as a writer. I
will use my knowledge on how to write for certain audiences and expand it beyond
writing academically to the writing I do in the work force and even in just casual
conversations. More specifically, I will make sure to continue to always relate my body
paragraphs back to my thesis statement. This will help make a strong argument and will
lead to more clarity for readers. Writing Two has taught me how to become a stronger
writer for the wide range of papers that wait ahead of me.

Gilmore3
Sincerely,
Ariella Gilmore