Sie sind auf Seite 1von 7

GayKK

byJaredMichaelChoate

jmchoate@gmail.com
1621SonomaAvenue
Berkeley,CA94707
(530)6017696

INT.KKKBOARDROOMDAY

KLANSMENsitaroundaboardroomtableadornedwithNAZIPROPAGANDAandcopiesof
periodicalslikeBIGOTMONTHLYandCOSMOFORKLANSMEN.

TheGRANDWIZARDenters.AllstandandofferaNAZISALUTE.

GRANDWIZARD
YouallknowwhyIbroughtyouheretoday.
(beat)
TheKlanhasgottenoutoftouch.

TheKlansmennod.

GRANDWIZARD
Werelosingmembershipleftandright.Topeopletalkinboutdi
versity
.Butwhathasdi
versity
everhadtooffer?

KLANSMEN
Nothin!/Notadamnthing!/Idontevenlovemychildren!

AKlansmenpullsoffhisHOODtoscratchhisface.CUonthehoodstag:
MADEINCHINA.

CGISIGNAGEappearsaroundallitemsintheroomthatwereproducedinothercountries.

CARPET

INDIA
.WHITEBOARD

KOREA
.
TABLE

IKEA
.

GRANDWIZARD
Thesedaysitsallaboutbranding.SoIwenttoBing.comanddidsomegoogling.Itypedin
corporatestyleguruandinvitedthefirstresultwithoutlookinganyfurther.
(beat)
SopleasegiveaspecialKuKluxKlanwelcometoMs.PriscillaThrobs!

EnterMS.PRISCILLATHROBSamantotheshockofeveryone.Indress,speechand
maneurismthereisonewordbefittinghim:

FLAMING.

PRISCILLA
Ms.Throbswasmymother.Priscilla,please.
(seescrowd)
Now
this
isaninterestingbunch!

PriscillacuriouslyexaminesthehoodononeoftheKlansmensheads.

PRISCILLA
DoyoumindifIjust?
(pluckshoodoffKlansmanshead)
ThanksHun.

KLANSMAN1
Hey!!!

PRISCILLA
(examiningthefabric)
Whatisthis?
Rayon?
(throwsinagarbagecan)
So...thehoodsaregone.

GRANDWIZARD
Thehoodswerentanagendaitem.

PriscillapullsoutaSEWINGMACHINEandFABRICandbeginssewing.

PRISCILLA
(snappingfingers)
Letsmoveforward,notbackward,Sweetheart!

GRANDWIZARD
Sweetheart?Nowlistenhere.Youhavetoleave
RIGHTNOW!
Theresbeenaterriblemistake.

Beforehecancontinue,PriscillarevealsaCANARYYELLOWKLANHOOD.Subtlebut
distinguished,itdrawsoohsfromthecrowd.

PRISCILLA
(putsonKlansman1shead)
Consideryoself...
fancified!

KLANSMAN1
Hey!
Thisbreathes!

PRISCILLA
Thatsabamboohempblend.Verybreathable.And
very
sustainable.

TheKlansmengatherround,admiringthefabricandcolor.Theyredefinitelytastingthe
rainbow.

KLANSMAN2

TobehonestIwasntreallytiedtothewhite.
KLANSMAN3
Stainseasy.

GRANDWIZARD
Listenup!Werenothereto(fingerquotes)fancifyourhoods.

AdissentingclatterrisesamongtheKlansmen.ButbeforetheGrandWizardcanobjectfurther
PriscillarevealsaTASTEFULLYMACRAMDREDHOODandputsitontheGrand
Wizard.

PRISCILLA
Stillsosure?

TheGrandWizardexaminesit,admiringthecontours,thesewmanship.Thenhecatches
himself.

GRANDWIZARD
Yes!Nowpleaseleave!!

PriscillaexaminesaSWASTIKAPOSTERonthewall.

PRISCILLA
(toKlansman3)
YouguysHindus,orBuddhists,orsomething?

KLANSMAN3
Werenotallowedtolikethem.ButIvemetafew.
(beat)
Theyregoodpeople!

GRANDWIZARD
No!Theymostcertainlyarenot!

PRISCILLA
ThenwhydoyouhaveaBuddhistsymbolhanginginhere?

GRANDWIZARD
BecausewereKlansmen!!Thatsasymbolofourbrotherhood!

PRISCILLA
Soundshot.
(then)

Wellitneedsanupgrade,Hedwig.Illthrowsomethingtogetherforyou.

PriscillapullsoutaMACBOOKwithRAINBOWSTICKERSonit.
GRANDWIZARD
Thathasbeenasymbolofthisorganizationforalmost100years!

PRISCILLA
Anditsbeenaroundforover5000.HeardofSanskrit?ItscalledHistoryclass,queenie...
(beat)
Skiplessofit.

PriscillapullsoutagiantMCADPRINTERandlaborsitontotheboardroomtable.

GRANDWIZARD
Ihave
HAD
itwithyourinsubordination!Youneedtogetoutright...

PriscillaprintsoutSWASTIKA2.0.Fullcolor.Rainbowbackground.Newroundededges.It
couldbethelogoofaSiliconValleystartup.Verysleek.Butalso
very
gay.

PRISCILLA
Ithinkthisisreallygonnaopenthefloodgates.Kindamakesmewanttoopenafloodgateortwo
rightnow.
(pointsatKlansman2)
ThisgayknowswhatImtalkinabout.

Klansman2looksstartled.And
highlyc
loseted.Afraidhesbeenoutedhetoughenshis
posture.

KLANSMAN4
IdontwanttospeakforeveryoneMs.Priscilla.
(beat)
ButI
really
lovewhatyouvedonewithit.

PRISCILLA
Iknow.
(beat)
Yougaysgotawebsite?

Klansman3gesturestothecomputer.PriscillanudgesittohimandhetypesintheURLbefore
handingitback.Priscillareaffirmscommandandsitsintentlyatthehelm,typingfrantically.

GRANDWIZARD
Wevegottastayontrackhere!Focusontheissues!Andyou...

(motionstoPriscilla)
Youhavetogo!

PRISCILLA
YournewsitewillbeupintwoshakesofEltonJohnscokenail.

GRANDWIZARD
Wedontneedanewsite!!

Theresaknockonthedoor.

PRISCILLA
Newsuitsarehere!
Comeoninboys!

AgroupofFIERYHOMOSEXUALMENenterwithKLANOUTFITSinavarietyofbrightcolors!

PRISCILLA
IeyeballedthesizesbutIthinkwellbegood.

TheyhandthemouttotheKlansmen,whoenthusiasticallytryontheirnewmulticoloredoutfits.

KLANSMEN
Thisfitsperfect!/Greatsizing!/Thehoodreallysculptsmyjawline!

GRANDWIZARD
Rightnow!Youhavetogo...
RIGHTNOW!

TheKlansmenlookdisenchanted,objectingwiththedecision.

KLANSMAN4
Idontknowboss.Theseareprettygreat!

GRANDWIZARD
Imdone.
DONE!
Youguysdowhateveryouwant.Imoutofhere!!!

TheGrandWizardleaves.

PRISCILLA
Wellthatsashame.Becausethenewwebsitesup.

TheKlansmengatheraroundthecomputer.OoohandAaahsgiverisetoaroundofapplause!

CUofWEBSITE:fullofrainbowsandunicorns,DontStopMeNowbyQUEENplaysinthe
b.g.

PULLOUTtorevealtheKlansmeninNEWCOLOROUTFITS,twerkinwithMs.PriscillaThrobs
andhiscadreofgayboys.