RECOVERING from TRAUMA

WORKBOOK
Practical Resources to
Support Recovery After Trauma
Children * Adults * Communities

A collaborative Project between:

RECOVERING from TRAUMA

WORKBOOK
Introduction
This three part DVD series and workbook were created as a response to recent natural disasters across
Australia and the world. With people, property and livelihoods lost, children, adults and communities are
left in a state of shock and emotional trauma.
These practical resources help individuals, families and communities recover from trauma. The series is
a conversation between Petrea King, Founder and CEO of the Quest for Life Foundation and Georgie
Somerset, President of the Queensland Rural Womens Network. They discuss the symptoms of trauma,
how it affects children, adults and communities and provides tangible tools and strategies to begin the
recovery process.
If you do not have a copy of the DVD, the videos can be viewed at
www.questforlife.com.au or www.qrwn.org.au

Contents
Part 1

Children and Trauma

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

How do children deal with trauma?

Practical steps to assist children
Emotional recovery
Rainbow Ritual

Part 2

Adults and Trauma

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Symptoms of trauma
Emotional resilience
Being in the present
Tools and strategies

Part 3

Communities and Trauma

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Community in trauma
Coming together
A common vision

4
5
9
12

14
16
22
24

26
29
32

Resources

34

CHILDREN and TRAUMA

Part 1
Chapter 1
How do children deal with trauma?
The way children respond to trauma varies greatly depending on their age, the
circumstances a child is living in and their individual nature.
How do we help children develop an
emotional language?
Children are very good at overhearing
conversations but are not good at
interpreting what they hear. They are very
sensitive to you stopping a conversation
when they enter the room. If children are not
included in information they may well
interpret that something so bad is going on
that they are not allowed to know or are not
trusted with the information.

How do we skillfully help

children deal with the
traumas they encounter so
they become more resilient
in life?

We need to support children to understand

what is happening around them when
sometimes they dont have the language to
express how they feel:

Some common behaviours from children

in trauma:
Some children revert to a previous stage in
their life such as thumb sucking, being
clingy or bed-wetting

Give them permission to feel whatever

they are feeling

Withdrawing and becoming quiet

Boisterous, angry or acting out behaviours.

Help them to cultivate compassion for

others who are suffering
Give them an opportunity to help others

tay present for your children.

Allow them to cry and comfort them

with hugs, cuddles and conversation.

Sometimes adults can be so pre-occupied with their own grief that they miss the impact
the event is having on the children. It is important to demonstrate appropriate
grieving, without showing children the full force of your grief.
They may have lost their home, belongings, familiar environment and people
or animals they care about; they dont want to lose you as well, if you
disappear into grief. The full force of adult grief can be very difficult for
children to witness when they themselves are feeling emotionally fragile.

Chapter 2
Practical steps to assist children
1. Children need
to be informed
appropriate to their age..

about what has happened and

what is being done about what
has happened.
They dont need to know what
might happen, what could
happen or what probably wont
happen. We dont need to
share with them our fears for
the future.

2. Let children know that it is ok to feel anything

It is what we do with the feeling that matters. Children

need to know that feelings come and go and they wont
stay stuck with them if they allow themselves to cry or to
express their feelings.
Help children develop a language to describe the feelings
they are experiencing and where they are feeling that in
their body. Ask children where in their body they are
feeling things. They will likely talk about a sick feeling in
their tummy, a tight feeling in their chest, that their head is
going to explode or that they feel restless. These are all
normal responses and it is helpful for children to
understand that.

Protecting children from

trauma is not always the
best approach.

ou can use animal pictures to help them identify how they are
feeling. These can be useful for young children who dont yet
know the words for feelings.

Feelings Scale
You might use a scale rating of 110 to help children explain
the intensity of their feelings. For example they may be
feeling a 4 on the sad or angry scale or may be at a 10.
This can help you understand the intensity of your childrens
feelings.

3. Establish routines to help children

return to normality
4. Point out the things in
nature that are returning to
normal

When were disrupted from our natural

environment, putting routines back in place such
as familiar meals or food, bed times and playtime
can help a child feel safe and protected.
Having clear boundaries and routines, including
playtime, can be very valuable in helping children
regain a sense of normality. Playtime often helps
a child express what they are feeling and to get
strong emotions moving in their body.

It might be that the creek is

receding or the frogs are back.
Show children that the environment
around them is beginning to return
to normal.
It can also be useful to point out the
things that occur on a regular basis
in nature to help children see the
bigger picture. For example the sun
is still rising, the stars are still
twinkling. This gives children a
sense that the world is continuing
on and that things will return to
normal.

5. Cultivate a Sense of Gratitude

Your family may want to develop a ritual to cultivate gratitude. This can be done with a notice
board, a book, over a meal every day or through artwork.
Each family member shares something they are grateful for. It could be as simple as I heard a frog
this morning, or we have food on the table, a warm bed or that people are helping us to get our
lives back to normal.
Cultivating gratitude helps children and adults focus on what is working rather than focusing only
on what they have lost.
Doing something to help someone else is reassuring to children as it means that not only are we
alright, but we can help someone else who is having a hard time. This leaves us feeling grateful
that we were able to make a difference to someone else.

It is important to acknowledge what

has been lost and feel sad about it
and express our feelings about it and
it is just as important to focus on
what we still have.

6. Star Exercise
Ask a child to stand with their legs apart, arms outstretched. The right hand is palm faced up
towards the sun or stars and the left hand is palm faced down towards the earth.
Encourage them to visualise energy from the moon, the stars or sun coming down into the palm of
their right hand, washing right through their body, dissolving any upset, any negativity, any pain
and passing out through their left hand as lightning bolts going down into the earth.
This gives children a very practical way to deal with the intense emotions they may be feeling in
their bodies.
It is good for us to stop and breathe and experience these exercises with our children.

7. Breathe and come into the present moment

Teach children how to breathe deeply into their belly and be in the present moment.
Help them to connect with the senses of their body: smell, taste, touch, sound, sight - these help your
child to be in the present.
Encourage them to be aware of the weight of their body, the touch of their
clothing, the air against their skin, any taste in their mouth, any smell theyre aware
of, anything they can see behind closed eyes, the sounds both within and
outside the room they are in.
This exercise immediately brings the mind to rest.
This little process brings the body and nervous system back into balance.
It is a very useful technique to teach children and reminds us to do it at
the same time.
8

Chapter 3
Emotional Recovery

Sacred Space
Create a space in your home which is
a sacred spot where you place fresh
flowers, light a candle, display
childrens artwork, something from
nature or other items that are
meaningful for your children.
This creates a quiet place where
children feel they can make a positive
difference and have some choice and
control over their environment.

A GIFT

Under supervision, let your child light

Children will not remember

you for the material things you
provided but for the feeling
that you cherished them.
Richard L. Evans

a candle each morning to

acknowledge that today is a new day
and we are returning to normal.
Perhaps give the opportunity to say
out loud what is different or improving
each day so that it is clearly
acknowledged that things are getting
better.

Mansion of Emotions
This is a simple tool to help children (and us!) relate to their emotions.
Create a mansion with enough rooms for all the common feelings your child may be experiencing. It
may look something like this.
You can draw this on paper, a whiteboard or on the fridge.
Children can choose which room they may have visited today. For example, they may have spent
time in the angry room or the sad room.
Use the three step process on page 11 with this diagram and ask the child to give a rating from 1 to
10 so you can understand the intensity of your childs feelings.

Cultivate Compassion for Others

Explain to children that their friends may be
dealing with things in a different way and that
it is important for them to have compassion
for their friends and others around them.
10

THREE STEP PROCESS

This three step process can help children develop an
emotional language and help them to articulate and understand what it is they are feeling:
1. Identify the feeling
This is how it feels to be me (use name) feeling grumpy (or other feeling)
2. Give yourself permission to have the feeling
Its ok to feel grumpy
3. Feel it with awareness
This is how feeling grumpy feels for me.

It is not who I am, it is how I am feeling. There

is a big difference between witnessing yourself
having a feeling and labeling yourself as the
feeling.

You might start by telling your child which

rooms you have been in and what scale you
have felt.
If the child is very young, use pictures of
animals faces in the rooms.

Instead of, I am angry it becomes this is how

it feels to be me feeling angry. In time, this
gives children a lot more control over both the
intensity and duration of their feelings.

Encourage ways of children expressing their

emotions with the agreement that they will not
hurt themselves, other people or damage
property.

hildren can begin to understand that they move in and out of

these rooms (feelings) all the time. It is ok to feel those
feelings, but they are not their feelings.

Let them know that sometimes

people can look fine on the outside,
but may be feeling really sad, upset
or angry on the inside.

11

Chapter 4
Rainbow Ritual
This ritual has developed out of the work of Quest for Life in helping children deal
with challenging, sad or distressing news. It has been found to be a wonderful
blessing for children and a comfort for their parents. You can take as long or as
little time with this ritual as seems appropriate for the age of the child. This ritual
is wonderful for children from the age of about three.
When a child is ready for sleep, ask them to
snuggle down into a comfortable position so that
you can wrap them up in a rainbow. You can ask
the child to close their eyes so that they can
imagine better.
Running your hand lightly over the whole of their
body, from the top of their head to the tips of their
toes, ask the child to imagine that you're
wrapping them up in a cloud of red - the colour of
tomatoes and fire-engines. You can ask the child
if they can 'see the colour - children can always
visualise colours.
Next, still running your hand lightly over their body,
you ask the child to imagine that you're wrapping
them up in a cloud of orange the colour of
oranges, marigolds and nasturtiums.
Next, you wrap them in a cloud of yellow - the
colour of wattle, daffodils and golden warm
sunshine on a bright sunny day.
Then the colour green - the colour of spring
leaves and new-mown grass. All the while
running your hand lightly over the body of the child.
Next you wrap the child in the colour of blue - the
colour of the clear blue sky on a sunfilled day
or the colour of the ocean. You can ask the child
again if they're able to 'see the colours.
Then the colour of indigo - the colour of the
night sky behind the stars.
Then you wrap the child in the colour violet - the
colour of little sweet-smelling violets peeping
out amongst the flowers in the garden.

You can make up a prayer or a poem to go with

the ritual. A popular one is:
"I wrap you in a rainbow of light to care for
you all through the night. Your guardian angel
watches from above and showers you with
her great love."
After connecting up by rainbow with you, the child
might like to send rainbows to loved ones or
friends in need of love or support. They can send
them to people they're separated from by
distance, divorce, illness or death. Children can
be wrapped in rainbows before they're separated
from you for any reason - beginning pre or
primary school, leaving for camp, staying with
friends or grandparents.
Rainbows can be used in a myriad of
circumstances. When passing a car accident,
instead of becoming distressed about it, visualise
that you're all under one end of a rainbow breathing in the iridescent colour and peace of
the rainbow - then extend the other end of the
rainbow to those in need. Imagine your love and
blessings flowing over the rainbow, like fairy dust,
bringing peace and calmness so that what needs
to get done, gets done quietly and efficiently.
Rainbows can be sent to those affected by floods,
disasters or other distressing situations which
often leave children (and ourselves) feeling
helpless. They can be sent between family
members if someone is feeling sooky, sick or
overwhelmed. They can be sent for exams,
medical tests or treatments. By sending rainbows,
children feel they're making a valuable and
positive contribution instead of feeling powerless
to help. Wrapping children in rainbows usually
ends nightmares and separation anxiety.

Finally, place your hand over the child's heart and

get them to visualise as strongly as they can a
Don't be surprised to see rainbows appear in a
'rainbow' that starts in their heart and that comes
clear blue sky, outside a hospital window or in
out through the air and connects with your heart
totally unexpected places.
(placing your hand over your heart). Tell the child
that this rainbow keeps the two of you connected all
through the night.
12

Childrens Meditation
This meditation is ideal to settle
children after playing and to have
them focus their attention for
learning. If children are lethargic or
disinterested then get them to do
some stretching before the practice.
You can ask one of the children where or who
they would like to send a rainbow to from the
class today.
Ask the children to sit either cross-legged with
hands on knees, on the floor without touching
each other or at their desks.

another rest at the end of the outward breath

before it becomes an inward breath. Just be
aware of the rest at the end of the inward and
outward breath.
Now imagine a bright and beautiful rainbow
that comes down through the ceiling, that
surrounds and envelops each one of us,
passes through us into Mother Earth. Breathe
in the iridescent colours of the rainbow.
Breathing in sparkling red, orange, yellow,
green, blue, indigo and violet. A soft
iridescent mist of colour that flows into your
body with each inward breath.

Feel your body sitting on the floor/chair.

Notice how the floor/chair supports your body.
Be aware of the shape of your body. Notice
the touch of your clothing. Feel the texture of
your clothing and notice the temperature that
your clothing helps create. Notice if there are
any twitchy, itchy or restless parts of your
body.

Imagine the colours gathering in your heart;

bless them with your love and extend the
other end of the rainbow out through the
ceiling to (the person, place or situation eg.
to Harrys mother, to the people affected by
the cyclone, to all the animals who are
frightened by the fires/floods/storms). See
them bathed in the light and peace of the
rainbow; filled with its healing and magic.
Extend your love and blessings like fairy dust
across the rainbow to her/them/it and see
them filled with peace and love. See them
comforted by the rainbow and connected to
you via a rainbow of love. (Pause for a few
moments)

Become aware of your breathing noticing the

inward and outward breath. Youll notice a
little rest at the end of the inward breath
before it becomes an outward breath. Theres

Now focus on your own heart and breathe in

the colours of the rainbow to bring you peace
and happiness. And, when youre ready, open
your eyes again.

Here is the script that can be read at a

pace according to the age of the children:
Close your eyes tightly, open them wide and
let them close over lightly.

Part 1 Summary
Routines
Turn off the TV or radio. Dont have a disaster playing constantly in the background. Watch the
news once a day preferably when young children are not around.
Re-instate daily routines: bedtime, meals, brushing teeth, playtime set up the same routine
they had before the disaster if possible.
Cuddles, hugs and contact are important for children.
Rituals
Create daily touchstones that speak to the heart.
Light a candle, send a rainbow, create a gratitude book.
Wrapping your children up in a rainbow before sleep.
Expression of feelings
Create opportunities for children to express how they feel.
Feelings will come out during play or create some more structured activities like sand play,
painting or drawing.

ADULTS and TRAUMA

Part 2
Chapter 1
Symptoms of trauma

How does trauma impact adults?

This can vary enormously from person to person depending on past experiences and our degree of
resilience.
In the first few weeks we can be in shock and feel numb. This is the bodys natural response to
major trauma.
During these initial stages we tend to fill up time with busyness and practicalities such as housing,
employment, care of animals, meeting basic needs, all depending on what the trauma is. This
physical recovery is important and the bodys coping mechanisms help us to focus on all the
external practicalities and to attend to basic needs.
Sometimes it is easier to feel like you are doing something rather than focus on your feelings in the
situation. Most of us galvanize ourselves to cope and park the emotional aspects for a later time.
This is natural in the early recovery stages after a disaster.
However, for some people this can become a habit well after the immediate physical recovery has
finished. We can fill up our life with so much busyness that we never revisit or discharge the feelings
around the trauma.
This can then begin to show up in less healthy ways, sometimes months or even years after the
trauma or disaster has occurred.

It is not the strongest of the species that

survive, nor the most intelligent, but the
one most responsive to change.
Charles Darwin
14

What happens in the

body once the busyness
stops?

Once the trauma is over and fight, flight or

freeze dissipates, sometimes people stay in
that hyper-vigilant state.
These are appropriate reactions to an
immediate trauma, but they are not useful on
a longer term basis and can actually be quite
damaging to the body if feelings are left
unacknowledged or expressed.
Sometimes it can be weeks, months or years
later that we are able to revisit the emotions
around the trauma. And sometimes we need
assistance from a good friend, GP or
counsellor if we continue to feel
overwhelmed, depressed, isolated or
disheartened.
It is important to do this in a gentle way and
with compassion and wisdom for ourselves
and others.

SYMPTOMS

In time, we can allow the trauma to become

part of our history rather than something that
continues to undermine our peace and
health in the present moment.

Some symptoms to look out for

(full list on page 17):
numbing oneself with
drugs, busyness or alcohol

Experiencing emotions can be confusing. It

can happen in waves or cycles.
We may feel emotional extremes, laughing
one moment and crying the next. It is
important to develop compassion for
ourselves and to recognise that we can
honour our losses and our grief by how we
choose to live in the present rather than
allowing our future to be dominated by the
past trauma.

flight or fight behaviors

(extreme reactions)
overwhelm (freeze)
Sleeplessness, irritability,
intolerance, impatience.

As we move through the emotions we

integrate the trauma and discharge the
stressful consequences from our body and
our life. This increases our wisdom,
resilience and our ability to have compassion
for ourselves and others in the future.

15

Chapter 2
Emotional resilience

What are some of the practical steps to

recovering from trauma?
For some people, this might be the first time they have experienced a significant trauma. For others, this
trauma will be on top of previous ones.

Step One
The first step is to acknowledge that while we cant
change the outer circumstances (the traumatic event) we
can certainly change how we are going to respond to the
circumstances.
This is the difference between reacting or responding.

Step Two
What is an appropriate response? This is very different to
a reaction. What are some of the things I can do or put in
place in my life that help me to look after myself or that
help me to respond to the circumstance?
We explore this further on page 19.

16

PEACE
If we want peace of
mind, we need to get to
that place where we can
say: This did happen
whatever the trauma is
and it happened to me.

Step Two continued..

It is very easy to get caught up in the drama of the event and put aside our own needs, because
we are needed by others. It is important to care for yourself - before the kids, before the family,
before the community so that you bring your calm, well-replenished self to the trauma or
crisis.
The greatest gift we can give into chaos, challenge or crisis is the gift of our own good physical,
mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. When the mind is calm and the body is cared for, we
find our intuition and creativity works best and we are able to feel what is necessary instead of
just worrying or thinking about it.

Step Three
How do we know were at the end of our tether? What are the symptoms that indicate we have
had enough or that we are reacting rather than responding?
Here are some examples:

Symptoms of burnout
Walking out of conversations
Irrational fears
Lack of insight into own behaviour
Cynicism
Raising our voices
Not breathing
Inability to make decisions
Inertia
Feeling grouchy and snappy
Complaining
Hibernating, lying in foetal position
Withdrawing sex as punishment
Using inappropriate language
Being negative
Being sooky
Insomnia or wanting to sleep all the time
Having sore muscles
Losing perspective
Inability to empathise with others
Shortness of breath
Episodes of frenzied housework

Vagueness
Always being busy
Feeling trapped or boxed in
Feeling different from everyone else
Martyrdom
Feeling disconnected
Nagging
Shutting down and ignoring people
Nausea and queasiness
Beating yourself up
Feeling helpless
Craving distractions
Diminished concentration/focus
Impatience/intolerance with people
Blaming
Total apathy
Making rash statements and decisions
Chest pain
Ignoring intuition
Becoming suspicious
of self/others
Asking why me?

17

Symptoms of burnout continued.

Planning suicide
Desire to run away
Letting the mad monkey run riot
Losing your spatial ability
Feeling sick
Feeling unmotivated
Sitting with a glazed look
Exhaustion
Feeling numb
Feeling your head is going to explode
Relying on take-away food
Having inappropriate conversations
Shut-down of automatic pilot
Adopting pesky behaviours
Self-sabotage
Self resentment/hate
Lack of attention when driving

Listening to sad, loud and angry music

Decrease in hygiene standards
Loss of perspective
Feeling self-defeated
Rehashing
Loss of skills
Feeling disempowered
Feeling envious
Grinding your teeth
Putting yourself in danger
Procrastination
No passion/enthusiasm
Cant plan or see a future
Tearful, cant stop crying
Emotional flatness
Road rage
Nail biting

It is important to know what our individual indicators are so that we can do something about it.
Write down the top 6 ways that you manifest stress. Put it up next to the bathroom mirror so that you
look at your list every day. As you review the list, make sure that none of these things are happening.

They need to be your alarm bells, not

your usual way of living.

My top symptoms of burnout are:

1. _________________________
2. _______________________________
3. ____________________________________
4. ____________________________________
5. ____________________________________
6. ____________________________________

4 major things we sacrifice when we are at the end of our tether:

Our sense of humour
Our spontaneity
Our creativity dries up
We lose confidence in ourselves

Step Four

Identify the activities, rituals, environments or people that help keep you balanced, healthy and
responsive rather than reactive.
What are the things that replenish me and put me back together again?
Here are some examples:

What helps?
Perfumes that delight
Massage
Spas
Long walks along the beach
Dancing
Listening to music
Inspirational reading, poetry
Loving someone
Pursuing a creative outlet
Listening to the radio
Achieving goals
Drives in the country
Making love and enjoying intimacy
Using aromatherapy
Taking bubble baths by candle light
Being in nature
Singing
Making music
Meditation
Buying ourselves something special
Learning or studying something new
Strategy and planning
Kissing, cuddling
Giving love to family
Being silly with/without the kids
Dressing up

Going to the theatre

Contact with good friends
Enjoying our work
Doing things for other people
Prayer
Laughter
Visiting gardens and gardening
Sport and exercise
Going on picnics
Good communication
Contemplation
Having times of solitude
Gratitude keeping a blessing book
Yoga, tai chi, chi gong
Drawing and sketching
Keeping a diary
Spending time with our pets
Writing a journal, poetry
Spending special time with special people

19

What helps? Continued.

Changing our bed sheets
Taking holidays
Buying flowers for ourselves
Volunteering
Hugging trees
Walking barefoot on grass
Giving someone a compliment
Sitting and relaxing
Permitting ourselves to have down time
Giving someone a massage
Keeping to a routine
Spiritual practices or rituals
Eating a healthy diet and drinking juices
Craftwork or hobbies
Curling up with a book
Staring into the distance
Sitting in starlight or firelight
Lighting a candle
Being in the company of animals
Playing with children
Create a list of the top 6 things that you know
help and put this list up next to the symptoms
of burnout. We need to make sure that we are
doing something from this list every day.

THE BUCKET

I nourish my physical, mental,

emotional and spiritual self by:

1. ___________________________

Fill up your own inner bucket

so that you are only ever
giving from the overflow.

2. ___________________________

If we keep giving from a half

empty bucket we become
depleted and begin to resent
what were giving to
everybody else, when we
havent even given to
ourselves.

3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
6. ___________________________

Nature can be a wonderful way of reconnecting to that which

is beyond change.
20

Step Five

We bring the patterns of our past to the current circumstances. Identify what your own patterns
might be.
Some examples of common patterns:
Ill do it myself
If I look after everybody else then I wont notice my own needs
Im the capable/responsible one
Im the strong one
Im the peacemaker
Crisis can provide the opportunity to let go of some of these patterns and to create some new and
more useful responses so that we grow through these experiences rather than be damaged by
them.
These are the experiences that break our hearts open to greater compassion and wisdom. Its
fine to feel anything. Its what we do with our feelings that is important.

If we nurture ourselves
physically, mentally,
emotionally and spiritually
then when the unexpected, the
unthinkable, the unimaginable
happens weve got some inner
resources to bring to that
circumstance rather than
feeling overwhelmed, consumed
or destroyed by it.

LOVE TURNS UP
Love turns up when it
doesnt know what to say,
when it doesnt know what
to do.
Love turns up, preferably
with a casserole in hand.

21

Chapter 3
Being in the present
We often sacrifice the things that keep us physically and emotionally healthy the moment we are
confronted with a stressful situation. If we keep the things in place that keep us well as a nonnegotiable, we are much better able to deal with crisis.
When we are engaged in activities that nourish us, we are in the present moment and are able to let
go the trauma or the story, even if only for a while.

Come to Your Senses

Connecting with the senses of your body brings you into the present moment. Your body is always
here, now. It is never in the past or in the future. This is why we say to people who are having a panic
attack, Come to your senses!

EXERCISE
You can do this exercise anywhere, anytime with your eyes open or closed.
Become aware of your posture.
Notice the weight of your body sitting in the chair.
Be aware of the feel of the floor beneath your feet.
The touch and texture of your clothing against your skin.
All of the sounds within and outside the space youre in.
Let your listening run right out until you hear the clouds passing by.
Become aware of your breath, as it flows in and out of your body.
Focus on the rising and falling of your abdomen.
With this practice, the mind immediately comes to rest.
This exercise can be done many times in a day. You can bring mindfulness to every task
you do throughout the day. This brings you into the present and quietens the mind.

22

Sacred Space
You may like to create a sacred place in your home that is
just for you.
It may be a comfy chair by a window or a table with a
candle and fresh flowers.
Create something that is meaningful to you and spend
some time there each day. We might read, meditate, listen
to music or pray; whatever practice brings us to a place of
calm and stillness.
If we do this regularly, we will reach a stage where we just
need to think of this special place to feel calm and settled.
These techniques stop us from reacting to everything and
give us a greater ability to respond to the circumstances of
our life.

Compassion
Sometimes in disasters we are confronted with
emotions and feelings that we have never encountered
before or at a depth that we havent previously
experienced. It is important to be gentle and
compassionate with ourselves and not expect to be
operating at our usual full capacity.
Its good to recognise that the people we share our life
with and indeed everybody is doing the best they know
how, given who they are, whats happened to them and
what theyve made of whats happened to them.

Remember when you slip up:

How human of me!

If were wanting people to be different from who they

are, we end up suffering. The only person we can
change, is ourselves.
When people are acting out or not coping in skillful
ways we need to have compassion. We are not
responsible for other peoples actions or reactions; we
are only responsible for ourselves and we need to
develop compassion for ourselves.

Gratitude
Every day, despite what is going on in the outer environment, we can learn to focus on something
for which to be grateful. It may be as simple as, we have shelter, we have food, we are all alive and
here together.
We can either focus on all the things we have lost or we can focus on the things that we have in
this moment and be grateful. This choice is up to us.
This isnt always easy, particularly when there has been major loss or loss of life, but beginning to
focus on the things that we do have or that are improving, helps us to begin to recover from
trauma.

Chapter 4
Tools and strategies
Learn to say no
Often when we are in the midst of a disaster and
people around us are hurting, we may feel that we
need to say yes to everything. Learning how to say
no is a useful tool to keep you well and healthy and to
allow you to give to others without resentment.
It is important to recognise what your priorities are
right now, given the circumstance you are in, and then
learn to say no to that which is not in line with your
priorities.
Some helpful lines to give yourself some space, rather
than just saying yes out of habit:
Thank you for asking, but Im fully committed at
present.

PRACTICE

Thank you for asking, I need to check my diary

and get back to you.

Practice in the
bathroom mirror first.
Thank you so much for
asking me.
Id love to say yes,
but I have to say no.

Truth is like the sun. You

can shut it out for a time,
but it's not going to go
away.
Elvis Presley

24

Sleep
We need to find the rituals and activities that help give
us a good nights sleep.
Some things that might help:
drink plenty of water during the day
eat at least an hour and a half before going to
sleep
sleep in natural fibres
sleep with the window open
put aside your worries for the day (metaphorically
put them in a bag or a hot air balloon and send
them off for the night)
practice coming to your senses and progressively
move your focus through the body, relaxing each
part
reflect on some of the things that you are grateful
for that happened that day.
Make a commitment to not think things through at
3am.
You might want to get up, have a cup of tea or go for a
walk around the house. Chewing things over in your
mind in the middle of the night is not conducive to
sleep.
By putting these strategies in place in our life, we are
building resilience for when other challenges arise in
the future.

WE ARE MORE...
We are more than our
bodies; we have bodies.
We are more than our
minds; we have minds.

If you say you cant sleep

youre right.

We are more than our

feelings; we have
feelings.

Say instead to yourself, I am

putting in place all the things
that will give me a restful sleep.

25

To find peace in the

midst of trauma, we
need to anchor
ourselves in our
awareness, which is
beyond change.

COMMUNITIES and

TRAUMA

Part 3
Chapter 1
Community in trauma

Building a Common Vision for Your Communitys Future

When really traumatic events or disasters

happen, they often bring the community
together in powerful and even wonderful
ways.

When people are feeling vulnerable it can

sometimes feel more powerful to blame
others and to project our anger onto them.
This might be towards an individual, an
organisation, the government or even the
weather. This all plays out at a personal and
community level.

However, just as individuals respond

differently to trauma, so do communities.
There will be a huge diversity in a community
in how people respond to the trauma. If you
reduce expectations and assumptions you
will find more compassion and understanding.

Anger and frustration can come out in some

really unhelpful ways when people are
hurting.
It is important for others in the community to
have some understanding for how others may
express their grief or loss.

Community emotion
It is important to have compassion for other
people in the community and to allow
individuals to deal with trauma in their own
way.

In some communities there may be a history

of conflicts or disagreements and, hopefully
at this time, these can be put aside so the
community can deal with the trauma together.

Assumptions and expectations can be

dashed and disappointed.
Things do not always happen in the way
that we think they should.

26

It is not a competition to see who is

suffering the most.

Survivors guilt
For some people in the community who are not affected directly by the disaster or traumatic
event it is natural to have their own emotions and feelings about it. Some may feel guilt over not
being impacted as severely as others or for receiving more help. These are all natural feelings.

Finding meaning
When we go through any major kind of trauma, we have to find meaning in that trauma if we are
to find peace.
Often people find meaning out of their own suffering by creating something of value or use to
others who are likewise suffering.
As with individuals, it is also really healthy when whole communities come together to
collectively find meaning after a traumatic event.
The relationships within the community may dictate how a community deals with trauma.

orgiveness is giving up all hopes

for a better past.

27

Checking in with others

There are some very practical things we can do to make
sure that everyone is housed and fed, but sometimes
the more subtle emotional support is just as important.
Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by the enormity of
the situation and cant imagine how others are feeling.
At these times some people withdraw rather than
checking in with others, as they dont know how to deal
with what the response may be.
Here are some simple things you can do within your
community:
phone a neighbor to check on how they are doing
reach out to someone you dont know
It is fine to say: I cant imagine what it must be like
for you at the moment, but Im here and happy to
listen
give someone a hug or a gentle squeeze of the
arm as reassurance that someone is there with
them at this time
hang onto your sense of humour if possible
Sometimes a smile or a cup of tea, those little gestures
of kindness, can have the most profound impact.
As we begin to come together collectively, we need to
be very respectful of each others space.
Some people think they are being strong if they dont
cry. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is to
weep in each others arms.
Often we supress uncomfortable feelings because were
trying to be strong for each other. This can be projected
onto some key people in a community if no one gives
those people permission to express their upset. It is
important to check in with those in leadership roles, to
see how they are going too.

If we can feel it,

we can heal it.

28

Chapter 2
Coming together

How does a community take this

journey together?
If well facilitated, a trauma or disaster can
be an opportunity for a community to come
together in a very profound and healing
way.

through to the elderly, new members as well

as old members of the community.
A community needs to find a way to bring
people together to share their experiences,
in a non-confrontational way. Events such
as sports days or community picnics can
provide an opportunity for people to chat
around a BBQ or sit and talk without the
focus being solely on them.

Some communities are quite used to

coming together around sporting days,
community picnics or agricultural, social or
other events. For some communities this
might be a new thing.
If you are going to create an event that
brings everyone together it needs to be
something that is appropriate to your
community and that includes children

Never underestimate the value of just

simply spending time together and sharing
stories.

Sometimes we dont know what we think until

we hear what we say or hear someone else
articulate what we are feeling.
This often speeds up self understanding and
the recovery process and healing.

29

Holding a memorial
A community may also hold a candle ceremony or memorial
service which will have more of a focus on what the community
has lost.
Remember to involve all people within the community. This
includes children and the elderly. Have activities that are suitable
for everyone to participate in.

MEANING
Trauma, illness,
accidents and
disasters dont have
intrinsic meaning. It
doesnt mean
something that this
event has happened
except for the
meaning that we
give it. If we are to
find peace and
healing about what
has happened to us,
we need to find a
way of making a
positive meaning
out of our
experience.

Creating a ritual or gathering where there is music, candles,

flowers or some other way of drawing the community together to
acknowledge the loss, may help the community to come together
and focus on the event in a meaningful way.
Spend the time to reach out to those who may not naturally attend
these sort of events.
It can be useful for a community to create a physical memorial.
This provides tangible evidence in the community that
acknowledges the enormity of what happened and is also a place
for healing gatherings into the future.
Some of the ways a community might express that
acknowledgement include:
An avenue of trees
A memorial garden
A new picnic ground
A new sporting facility
A plaque
A scholarship, fund or annual gathering in memory of the loss
It is important for community leaders to allow themselves to
experience the shared journey of healing. This is also true for
people who may have moved away after a disaster. It is important
that people who have moved away know that they are still included
in the community and a part of the community healing journey.

30

Community support
Sometimes a facilitator may be needed to help a
community move through the stages of healing. If it is a
person from outside the immediate community this can
provide the community leaders with an opportunity to
participate rather than to organize and lead everything
themselves given they may well be in need of care too.

Community grief
We dont grieve for a period of time and then get over it.
We grieve for a lifetime. However, we become more
comfortable with our grief in time.
Having an annual event to remember community
members who may have died in a disaster allows people
to acknowledge and remember what is precious and what
has been lost on that particular day.
It helps people to acknowledge that the people we have
lost always remain in our hearts. We honour their memory
by how we choose to live our lives now. We choose to
acknowledge that event and the enormity of our loss in a
way that is really positive in our community rather than
something that cripples us or causes us to splinter, isolate
or withdraw.

This can be a catalyst to draw a

community deeply together and
strengthen it in ways that may
never have happened without the
trauma they endured together.

31

COMMUNITY
In every community
there is work to be
done. In every nation,
there are wounds to
heal. In every heart
there is the power to
do it.
Marianne
Williamson

Chapter 3
A common vision
Grief
Grief comes in many ways. It is not just over the loss of people or pets. There may be grief around
a changed environment, lost crops, ruined infrastructure, belongings, livestock and livelihoods.
These can all impact on the grieving process.

Bereavement
Grief can be a very physical thing.
Some describe grief as:
having their insides hollowed out
the loss of a part of them or they feel amputated in some way
feeling outside their own body
nothing feels the same anymore
any joy for living has evaporated
It is also common as we near the anniversary of a trauma or the death of a loved one, that we reexperience all the physical symptoms or sensations again. Its almost like our body has a memory
of what has happened.
It can feel as though no progress is being made when we are suddenly precipitated into the full
force of our grief. This is all part of the healing process.
Anniversaries such as Christmas, birthdays, new birth into the family or a wedding can bring up the
grief again as we realise that person is no longer present to take part.

Sometimes grief can waft to our nostrils on

a perfume, jump out of drawers, spring
from a photograph or is conveyed in the
words of a song.

32

Community United
Often a trauma or disaster breaks down any isolation that might be felt in a community or the past
patterns that a community may have about how people relate to each other changes.
These events can completely shatter the way that we have done things up until now. It can provide
the opportunity to draw a community closer together, to support one another and for people to
share some of these more vulnerable parts of themselves in a way that wont be judged.

A Vision for Moving Forward

There is no right way of addressing community healing. It is up to each community to find the right
way for their own particular community.
What gatherings might you have that include all elements of the community?
Talk with others so that this can be a shared experience and people feel less alone.
Find rituals and ways of acknowledging grief in appropriate ways for the culture of your community
and which give people the opportunity to spend time together and share stories.

In Closing
These resources, the workbook and DVDs, are offered in the hope that you will find practical
strategies and skills to assist you, your children and your community in building resilience and
recovering from the great trauma of a natural disaster. There are often other challenges going on in
peoples lives before the advent of a natural disaster and these can make recovery more complex.
The Quest for Life Foundation offers five day residential programs at its retreat centre in
Bundanoon, NSW for people living with cancer, grief, loss, depression and/or other trauma. A team
of highly trained facilitators are also available to conduct programs in the community.
If you believe that we can be of assistance to you or your loved ones, please dont hesitate to be in
touch.

Compassion, support and

understanding are things
we all crave as human
beings.

33

Resources
Wherever you are in your journey, there are many resources and avenues of support for you and
your family. We have listed some here.

This list provides a starting point as there are many resources available to you,
including
Your local GP
Relief agencies
Books in your local library
Petrea Kings books, resources and CDs available at www.questforlife.com.au
Childrens Rainbow Ritual is freely available online at www.questforlife.com.au
Rural Womens Networks such as www.qrwn.org.au

For more informat ion please go to:

Quest
Que st for Life Foundat ion
Web:
www.q ue st forlife.com.au
Ph:
1300 941 488
Quee
Que ensland
nsland Rural Wome ns Network
Web:
www.q rwn.org .au
Ph:
1300 795 571
34

Resources are available from the

Quest for Life Foundation
www.questforlife.com.au

A collaborative Project between:

With special thanks to: