Alessa Amante

RWS 1301

Within todays society we can see that double standards have been formed in order to
better shape, mold, and manipulate our surroundings; however, as many more people began to
question these standards we begin to see the ridiculous heights that these standards may reach.
What exactly is a double standard? Double standards are separations placed among men and
women (specifically in this situation) that can be seen anywhere from social media, celebrities, to
marketing. It creates division and distinction between the two sexes while also creating
expectations and rules for these groups to follow. This paper investigates whether parents may
place standards on their children and argues that parents usually have different expectations and
hopes for their sons and daughters. In addition, I argue that these standards, while usually
intended for the betterment of their children, are actually toxic and harmful to the development
of children.
To begin discussing whether parents have different standards for their children, it is
important to analyze if the geographic area around them may affect their perspective on which
gender is better. For example, within European and American societies it is usually fairly
common for parents to want two children; one of each sex. However, in more Asian and Middle
Eastern societies male children seem to be the preferred gender. How could this affect the
children? Well, while in American culture it is preferred to have a child of each gender, they will
still strive to obtain at least one child of the opposite sex if they have two children of the same
gender; this can more commonly be seen in cases where parents have two female daughters,
rather than two male sons. In fact, the influence of gender of child on family life is usually
reserved for discussions of South and East Asian countries, where preferences for sons are so
strong that parents disproportionately abort female fetuses, invest more resources in the health of
their sons, and sometimes resort to female infanticide (Raley S., Bianchi S. (2006)). Because of
this, children, specifically in this case daughters, will be pressured to perform the expectations
that their parents have laid out for them as to not to disappoint their parents.
We can begin to see these expectations form around the housework given to each child
and how parents may have predetermined assumptions of what their children should strive for. In
many instances, daughters are usually given the majority of the housework and follow stricter
rules to complete these tasks, rather than duties given to their son. In general, however, children
are also usually exposed to stereotype and gendered based house work. Daughters will more than

Alessa Amante

RWS 1301

likely have chores such as; cooking, cleaning, laundry and in some cases helping tend to the
needs of their younger siblings. Whereas sons will receive much heavier chores such as; yard
work, taking out the trash, and in some cases helping their fathers with handy work. This division
with housework and their surrounding stereotype can reflect the expectations that parents may
have for their children. For example, giving their daughters more housework than their brothers,
which is usually categorized as under the work of a mother, can illustrate how these parents are
setting them up to be good housewives/ mothers. They assume that that is the lifestyle their
daughters will want to take and in a way expect it from them in order to continue with the
tradition of a nuclear family. The same goes for their sons, by giving them traditionally male
work, they create the goal that their sons have to be hard workers and self-reliant. However, this
can create a lot of stress and frustration on the children as they grow and develop their own
opinions on life. By being raised a certain way for the majority of their lives, they can feel as
though going against their parents teachings or expectations can create tension between them and
make the children feel as though they are disappointing their parents by following a not-sotraditional way of life. An excellent example of this societal and parental pressure can be seen in
the video Marriage Market Takeover by SK-II, which illustrates that the pressure many Chinese
women face to get married because of societal and parental expectations.
On the other hand, it can be argued that parents have no intent to create separate
expectations for their children but rather act on experience and for the betterment of their
children in mind. Even when there is no evidence of gender enforced behavior or attitudes,
many studies nevertheless reveal that mothers and fathers retain some distinct gender role
attitudes or parenting styles that may vary in magnitude depending on the sex of the child
(Conrade and Ho 2001; Grieshaber 1998; McGovern 1990; Ricks 1985; Rossi 1984; Rothbart
and Maccoby 1966) (Axinn W. G., Young-DeMarco L., and Ro M. C. (3/1/12)). Meaning, that
while they do create different expectations for their children and inforce them to do more
gendered based tasks it is never done because they purposefully try to separate their children
according to their gender. Parents are raised with more traditional values rather than more
modern ideals, so to incorporate those beliefs isnt out of proportion but expected. They grow to
understand the world a certain way, and because of that, tend to assume that itll continue to
develop that way. This can explain why many parents expect their daughters to marry, have
children, and be stay-at-home mothers even after getting an education, and sons to pursue a

Alessa Amante

RWS 1301

career, maintain a family, and be handy around the house. Because they were showed that that is
the proper or normal way of life and hope for the stability that life style may offer their children.
While many parents form different expectations for their children depending on their
gender, it is important to take a few key points into consideration. Forming gender based
expectations may be done with the parents best intentions for their children in mind. These
separate and double standard expectations are formed around assumptions learned over time and
for the stability of their children. However, ignoring the fact that these expectations may cause
frustrations and distress to the children would be irresponsible. These gender based expectations
can pressure many children to pursue a lifestyle that they dont necessarily want but that will
satisfy the wishes and desires of their parents. It can also create a somewhat warped way of
thinking for these children; assuming that certain misogynistic ideals within society are normal
or expected. Certain identity crisis can arise as well with these gender based expectations for
many children who identify with the transgendered or non-binary community, yet dont want to
accept it because of the strict gender based lifestyles that their parents and society have instilled
for them.

Resources:

(SK-II (4/6/16) Marriage Market Takeover http://youtu.be/irfd74z52Cw ).

(Raley S., Bianchi S. (2006) Sons, Daughter, and Family Processes: Does Gender of

Children Matter? http://majorsmatter.net/gender/Readings/Gendered%20Kids.pdf)

(Axinn W. ,G., Young-DeMarco L., and Ro M. , C. (3/1/12) Gender Double Standards in
Parenting Attitudes. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3035381/ )