Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

CommunicatingWithAdolescentsAboutSexand
Sexuality

DelilahMontecino
HD320
Prof.Deweese
April14,2015

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

OriginallyIthoughtaboutfocusingmypaperoneffectivecommunicationtechniquesfor
adultstousewhileinteractingwithadolescents.Iencounteredsomedifficultywhilelookingfor
researchonthesubject,manyofthejournalsthatIfoundfocusedoncommunicationabouta
specificsubject.WhilerethinkingthefocusofmypaperIrememberedaconversationthatIhad
withmyteenagenephew.ItoldhimthatIhadanassignmentthatrequiredmetoresearchatopic
thatisimportanttoadolescents.Iaskedhimwhattopicshethoughtwereimportantandhis
responsewassomethinglikechicksorhookingup.AtthetimeIlaughedandtoldhimthatI
wantedtofocusoncommunication,hesaidthatwasagoodideatoobutforteenagerswhatthey
reallycaredaboutwashookingup.Idecidedtomarrythetwoideasandfocusmypaperonhow
adultscommunicatewithadolescentsaboutsexbutnotjustsex,relationshipsandfeelingsand
everythingelsethatgoesalongwithsexualattraction.
Ireflectedonmyownexperiencewithinmyfamilyandaskedsomeofmyadult
acquaintancesaboutthekindsofdiscussionsthattheyrememberhavingwithadultsaboutsex
whentheywereadolescents.WhatIdiscoveredwas,beyondhearingwaituntilmarriageand
useprotectiontherewasntalotofindepthcommunicationaboutsexandsexualfeelingsthat
manycouldrecall.WhatIcommonlyheardfrompeoplewasthattheyeitherlearnedaboutit
fromfriendsorfigureditoutontheirown.AnotherinterestingthingthatIencounteredwhen
askingpeopleabutthissubjectwasalevelofdiscomfort.Somepeoplegiggled,gaveweird
looks,inquiredastowhyIwasinquiringandacouplechosenottorespondandthesewereall
adults.IndoingmyresearchIlearnedthatthisdiscomfortisnotanuncommonreactionfor

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

peoplewhendiscussingsexandmayexplainsomeofthelackofinformationthatAmerican
teenagersseemtohave.
Itisclearthatanincreaseinparentadolescentdiscussionaboutsexualitymayhelp
adolescentsmakemoreinformeddecisionsregardingtheirsexualitybutmanyparentsdonot
discussthisparticularsubjectwiththeirteens(Anagurthi2012,p.66).Thislackofconversation
isoftenthecasebecauseparentsfindituncomfortableandteensseemtoechothissentiment,
feelinguncomfortablediscussingtheirsexualitywithparents(Anagurthi2012,p.66).Inmy
researchIfoundoutthatitisnotjustparentsthatfeeluncomfortableinitiatingconversations
aboutsexualitywithadolescents.AstudydoneinCanadashowedthatmorethanonehalf
(57%)oftheadolescents[surveyed]reportedtheywouldbemoderatelycomfortabletototally
comfortablediscussingsexualitywiththeirdoctorRegardlessofageorsexteenagers
consideredthemselvestobeateasediscussingsexualitywithdoctorbutitwasalsoreported
thatadolescentsthoughtthesubjectshouldbebroughtupbytheirdoctor(Beaulieu2013,p.
129).Beaulieus(2013)studyfoundthat68%to70%ofpediatriciansdontinitiateconversation
abouttheirpatientssexualorientation,identityorbehavior,apparentlythisisbecause
pediatriciansandotherphysicianswhoworkwithadolescentsfinditdifficulttotalkwiththem
aboutsexuality(p.129).AnotherstudythatfocusedonAfricanAmericangrandparentsraising
theiradolescentgrandchildrenshowedthatwhilegrandparentswerequitecomfortablediscussing
sexandsexualitytheiradolescent,grandchildrenweretooembarrassedtotalkaboutsexwith
theirgrandparents(Cornelius2008,p.338).
InCornelius(2008)studytheyexploredtheconceptofchurchasavenuefora
comprehensivesexualityprogram,thegrandparentsandadolescentsthatparticipatedinthestudy

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

seemedtoagreethatsuchaprogramwouldbeagoodideabutthattheprogramshouldbereal,
withcandiddiscussionsaboutsexualbehaviorandpeerpressure(p.341).Grandparentsraising
anadolescentmayneedassistanceindecidingwhatandwhentodiscusssexualitytopicswith
theirgrandchildrensothattheyarenotembarrassedbythesediscussion(Cornelius2008,p.
342).Whileitisimportantforopencommunicationbetweenparentsandadolescents,parentsare
nottheonlyadultsinanadolescentslifethatcaninitiatethesetypesdialogues.Ifadolescents
arenotcomfortabletalkingtotheiradultguardiansaboutsexandsexualitythereneedstobe
someknowledgeableadultorgroupthatanadolescentcanreachouttogettheirquestions
answeredotherwisetheyriskpossiblybeingmisinformed.
Anotherbarriertoeffectivecommunicationaboutsexwithinthefamilysystemisthat
someguardiansmaylacktheaccurateinformationintheareaofsexeducationtosharewith
theiradolescents(Burgess2005,p.380).AsforementionedmanyoftheadultsthatItalkedto
couldnotrecallindepthconversationsaboutsexandsexualitywiththeirownparents,itstands
toreasonthatifanindividualhaslittleexperiencewiththesetypesofconversationstheymay
lackinformationandtechniquesforengaginginadialogueaboutsexandsexualitywiththe
adolescentsintheirlives.Ifsexualitycommunicationisintroducedatanageappropriatelevel
withroutinediscussions,thenchildrenwilldeveloppositiveattitudetowardthisprocesswith
sexualpartner,peersandfamily.(Cornelius2008,p.342)Whatisageappropriate?WhendoI
introducewhattopics?Therearemanyfactorsthatimpacteffectivesexcommunication
betweenparentsandtheiradolescent.
Personallymymotherhadlimitedsexualexperience,shehasonlyhadsexwith2people,
oneofwhichismyfather.Growingupmymomworethatfactlikeabadgeofprideand

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

encouragedmetowaituntilmarriage.Somemoreinformationaboutmymomandherfamilyis
thatbothofherparentsdiedbythetimeshewas13,theyweresenttolivewithhergrandparents
andtheirgrandfathermolestedherandhersiblings.Idontknowifitwasherpaternalor
maternalgrandfatherwhomolestedherbecausemyoldersisterwastheonewhotoldmethe
story.Mymomacknowledgedthatitwastruebuttalkedverylittleaboutit,tothisdayitisnot
somethingthatIbringupbecauseIknowthatitisuncomfortableforhertotalkabout.Ithink
thatnegativeexperienceinherlifestuntedhersexualgrowthandcausedhertoexudeasenseof
shamewhenitcametobeingsexualandtalkingaboutthesubject.Iwasluckyenoughthatwhen
Iwaseleven,IstumbleduponalatenightradioshowbythenameofLoveLinewithDr.Drew,
anaddictionmedicinespecialist,andatthetimeAdamCorolla.Itwasoftenhilariousand
extremelyinformative,Icreditmuchofmycurrentsexandsexualityknowledgetothatshow.
Callers,mostlyadolescentsandyoungadults,anonymouslyaskedquestionsrelatingtosex,
relationshipsandsometimessubstanceabuseinreturntheyheardstraightforwardhonestadvise
fromthehosts.WhenIbeganlisteningtotheshowIwasnotsexuallyactiveandIdidnot
becomesountilsomeyearslater.Whattheshowdiddoformewasbroadenmyknowledgeand
inturnenablemetobemorecomfortabletalkingaboutsexandsexualmatters.EventuallyI
becamecomfortabletalkingtomymomaboutsexandsexualityingeneraleventhoughImay
notsharemyspecificexperienceswithher.
Myknowledgeandcomfortwiththesubjectenablemetotalkaboutitmorefreelybut
thosearenottheonlytwobarriers.Manyparentsassumethattheiradolescentsarenotsexually
active(Burgess2005,p.381).Preventingorinfluencingthedevelopmentofanewbehavioris
typicallyeasierthanstoppingorchanginganestablishedbehaviorbutmanyparentsdecideto

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

holdoffondiscussionsofsexualityuntiltheiradolescentindating(Bearinger2006,p.895).
Unfortunatelyparentsareoftennotdirectlytoldabouttheiradolescentsromanticorsexual
activities,ormayoverlookcluesaboutnewbehaviors,eitherduetoattentionslegitimately
directedelsewhere,ortoasubconsciousdesirenottofacethesocialorsexualmaturationoftheir
children(Bearinger2006,p.895).Itcouldcomebacktoageappropriatenessandnotknowing
howearlytostartbringupsuchtopicsandexplainingtotheminwaysthatayoungmindcan
understand.AccordingtotheAmericanAcademyofPediatricswebsitetalkingtochildrenabout
theirprivatebodypartsandcallingthembytheircorrectnamecanstartassoonas18monthsof
ageandhelplaythefoundationforcomfortabletalksaboutsexuality.FromlisteningtoLove
LineandtakingchilddevelopmentclassesIlearnedthatitisnaturalforchildrenasyoungas3
and4yearsoldtoexploretheirgenitalsbytouchingthemselves.IwasraisedCatholicsomostof
mylifeIthoughtmasturbationwasadirtyshamefulthingbutasIgotolderIlearnedthatitwas
naturalandevenhealth.
Ihelpedraisemynephewhiswholelifeandwhenheturnedabout3or4yearsoldhe
startedtouchinghimselfalotmore.IwasalittlegrossedoutbyitbutbecauseofmyeducationI
knewthatitwasperfectlynormal.Wenevermadeabigdealoutofitorembarrassedhimabout
it,insteadmysisterandIagreedtolethimknowthatissomethingthatheshoulddoinprivate.
LaterinlifewhenmynephewwasinmiddleschoolandIwasinmyearly20sheaskedmeifI
hadheardofavideobythenameof2GirlsOneCup.Ihadheardofit,itisavideoof2girls
defecatingintoonecup,prettygross.Wedidntwatchthevideobutweexchangedstoriesof
grossstuffthatwehadseenandheardaboutfromfriends,allrelatingtosexualacts,itwasa
memorableconversationtosaytheleast.IrememberthatIdecidedtotakethatopportunitytolet

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

himknowthatwhenhehassexwithsomeoneinreallifeitsnotgoingtobelikesexinporn
movies.PeoplethinkthatIamcrazy,includingmyfamily,butIstartedtalkingtomynephew
aboutcondomsandhowtousethemandwheretogetthemandwhotoaskwhenhewasabout
11yearsold.IexplainedthatIknewhewasyoungbutIhaveacousinwhohadherfirstbabyat
14yearsold.Morerecentlymynephewconfidedinmethathethoughtagirlwastryingtoget
himtoherhousealonesothattheycouldhavesex.EventhoughIwasshockedontheinsideI
stayedcalmandlistened.Hesaid,Myfriendstoldmejustfuckher,butIdontwanttobethat
way,Iwassoproudwhenhesaidthat.OurconversationcontinuedandIremindedhimabout
protectionandSTI,particularlyherpesandHIVbecauseasIalwaystellhimthoseareforlife.I
alsoremindedhimthatsexbringsupintenseandpossiblycomplicatedfeelingsforeveryone
involved.
Adolescenthealthproviders,publichealthprofessionalsadcampaignsadvocating
parentchildcommunicationshouldencourageparentstobeginopenconversationsabout
sexualitywiththeirchildrenwhentheyareyoung(Bearinger2005,p.900).Icanconfidently
saythattheopencommunicationthatIhavewithmynephewhashelpedfacilitateconversations
betweenusaboutsexualitythathemayhavefounduncomfortabletalkingtohismomor
grandparentsabout.Genderoftheparentandthechildhasbeenrelatedtosexual
communication,withmothersbeingmorelikelytotalkwiththeirchildrenaboutsexualtopics
thanarefathers,andmothersbeingmoreliketotalkwithdaughterthanwithsonsandfathers
morelikelytotalkwithsonsthanwithdaughters(Constantine2010,p.1165).Muchofmy
researchshowedthatmothersareoftentheparentinchargeoftheresponsibilityoftalkingto
theirchildrenaboutsexuality.Anagurthis(2012)researchshowsthatfemaleadolescentswere

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

significantlymorelikelytocommunicateaboutsexualitywiththeirmothers,andfeltmore
comfortableindoingso,thandidboys[and]forbothboysandgirls,scoresforfatherswere
lowerthanformothers(p.73).Anagurthis(2012)researchalsosuggestthatfathers
perspectivesonsexualissueshaveasignificantimpactontheirchildrenandthatboysmayhave
significantlydifferentneedsfromgirlswhenitcomestothisparticularsubject(p.67).
Constantines(2010)researchshowsthatparentsdoseemtoapproachboysandgirls
differentlywhenitcomestothesubjectofsexuality,agreaterproportionoffathersdiscussed
avoidingsexwithpreadolescentandearlyadolescentdaughtersthanwithpreadolescentand
earlyadolescentsons(p.1168).Similarly,100%ofmothersthatparticipatedinthisstudysaid
thattheydiscussedavoidingsexwithlateadolescentdaughtersbutonly79%discussedavoiding
sexwiththeirlateadolescentsons(Constantine2010,p.1168).Thismaypossiblybesendingthe
wrongmessagetoboys,whocomparedtogirls,havebeenfoundtoengageinsexualactivityat
youngeragesandwithmorepartners(Anagurthi2012,p.74).InSmalls(2010)studyaboutthe
disparityincondomusefoundthatwomenwhosesexualpartnersdidnotusecondomswereour
timesmorelikelytobelievethataskingtheirpartnertousecondomsimpliedshewasunfaithful;
threetimesmorelikelytohaveapartnerwhoresistedusingcondoms;andtwiceaslikelytobe
sexuallynonassertive(p.367).Manywomenwhodontusecondom,especiallyadolescents
mayfeelpressuretonotcreaterelationshipconflictssuchasimplicationsofinfidelity(Small
2010,p.373).OnthepositivesideSmalls(2010)researchalsofoundthatadolescentswhose
partnershadapositiveattitudetowardcondomsdidinfactusecondomsduringsexualactivity
lendingtotheideathatmalepartnersmustalsobeincludedincondomuseintervention.
(p.373)

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

Otherhurdlestoopeningupdialoguesaboutteensexualitycanbereligious,Iwasraised
catholicandinthatparticularreligiontheonlyacceptableformofbirthcontrolisabstinence.
Abstinenceonlyeducationisonesidedatbestandabstinenceuntilmarriagetoapersonofa
differentsexisnotassumedtobethesoleoptionforhealthysexualbehavior(Hardenp.3).
AccordingtoBurgess(2005)motherstendtounderestimatethesexualactivityoftheirteenagers
especiallyiftheyviewtheirteensasreligiousortooyoung(p.382).Otherbarrierstofruitful
conversationsaboutsexualitycanresultfrommisunderstandings.Whenaskediftheyhadfamily
discussionsaboutsex,72%ofmotherssaidyeswhileonly45%oftheirteensperceivedhaving
suchtalks.Anotherroadblockindiscussingadolescentsexualityistheviewcommonlyheldin
Americansocietythatadolescentsexisaninherentlydeviantbehavior,whereasabstinenceis
oftenpresumedtobethehealthiestbehavioraloutcomeforteenagers(Hardenp.1).
AccordingtoHarden,schoolbasededucationprogramsuseatraditionalrisk
perspectiveemphasizingthephysicalandpsychologicaldangersofsexualityunplanned
pregnancy,STIs,victimizationandpsychologicaltrauma[theseprogramsalso]advocatefor
sexualabstinenceuntilmarriageasideal(p.2).Thiskindofeducationalcurriculumequates
adolescentsexualitywithasicknessbestprevented(Hardenp.2).Hardendescribestheattitude
ofviewingadolescentsexualityasmorallywrong,inherentlydeviant,andsociallyproblematic
asasexnegativeview(p.2).Adolescentsexualityisnotnecessarilypathologicalsimplyby
virtueofbeingadolescent[infact]datafromanationalprobabilitysampleshowthat
Americanadolescents(1417)actuallyusedcondomsmoreconsistentlythansingle,sexually
activeAmericanadults(Hardenp.4).ThissexnegativeviewfromAmericancultureprovokes

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

10

shameandfearinteenagersengaginginthisbehaviorlabeleddeviant[and]creates
unnecessaryassociationsbetweensexualityandadverseoutcomes(Hardenp.7).
Hardencallsforadifferentapproachtoteensexuality,asexpositiveapproachinwhich
teenagesexualexperiencesareregardedasbothdevelopmentallynormativeandpotentially
healthy(p.1).IntheUnitedStates70%ofadolescentshavehadintercoursebytheageof19,
whetherparentslikeitornotadolescentsareengaginginsexualactivitymakingitasubjectthat
cannotbeignored(Hardenp.2).Inasexpositiveframeworkadolescentsexualityis
conceptualizedashavingpotentiallypositiveaspectsandconsequences,includingpleasure,
intimacy,competenceandwellbeing.Researchshowsthatadolescentsconsidertheirromantic
relationshiptobeamongthemostsupportiveandcaringofalltheirpersonalconnections
(Hardenp.5).Formostyoungpeople,sexisapositiveemotionalexperiencealthoughHarden
didnoteadifferenceinhookingupversussexwithinastablerelationship(p.5).Adolescentsex
withinthecontextofaromanticrelationshipwasnotassociatedwithdelinquency[but]hooking
upiscrosssectionallyassociatedwithhigherdepressivesymptoms(Hardenp.6).Accordingto
Hardenmuchofthegoalofadolescentsexualityresearchistoimprovepsychological,social
andheathoutcomeforteenagers(p.11).
Constantine(2010)writesadolescentsisadevelopmentalperiodmarkedbysexual
discoveryandoftenbysexualrisk(p.1171).Burgess(2005)researchfoundthatmostUSsex
educationprogramsadvocatethatitisdesirabletopostponesexualintercourseandthat
unprotectedsexshouldbeavoided[yet]theUnitedStateshasahigherrateofadolescent
pregnancythananyotherindustrializedcountry(p.11).Intheearly2000sitwasestimatedthat
theUnitedStatesspentnearly$29billioncaringforfamilieswithteenageparents(Burgess2005,

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

11

p.2).Hardenreportsthatadolescentsaccountfornearlyhalfofthe19millionnewSTIcases
eachyear,whileDutchadolescentshaveapregnancyrateof1%andare75timeslesslikelythan
Americanadolescentstocontractgonorrhea(p.4).TomethisshowsthattheUSisobviously
failingouradolescentsasfarassexeducationgoes.Preventativesexeducationeffortsofmost
programsstilllargelyexcludeparentsasagentsofchangeinterventionshouldaddress
erroneousparentalassumptionsandhelpparentsprovideinformationrelatedtoteensexuality
(Burgess2005,p.389).Therearemanybarrierstoopeningupdialoguesaboutadolescent
sexualitybetweenadolescentsandtheadultsintheirlivessuchascommunicationdifficulties,
lackofparentalknowledge,embarrassmentanddevelopmentalconcernsbutevidenceshowsthat
adolescentrelationshipscanbebeneficial(Hardenp.12).
Adolescentsexualityisrelevantsubjectforteensbecausethatisoneofthemajorchanges
thatishappeningtothemvisiblyandinternally.Adultsmayalsobenefitfromunderstandingthe
importantroletheyplayintheirchildrensearlyandongoingsexualsocializationsandhowthis
socializationinteractswiththesexeducationmostadolescentsreceiveinschool(Constantine
205,p.1172).Adolescentsexualityisnotjustabouthavingthetalkandexplainingwhere
babiescomefrom,sexualcommunicationshouldincreaseandthetopicsshouldevolveas
childrenageanddevelop,beginningaround5yearsandcontinuingthroughyoungadulthood
(Constantine205,p.1172).Althoughagoodparentchildrelationshipwillnotpreventan
adolescentfromhavingsexitwillhopefullyestablishanopengroundforcommunicationandif
coupledwithHardenssexpositiveframeworkmaycontributetolessriskysexualbehaviors.

Communicating With Adolescents About Sex and Sexuality

12

Refrences
Anagurthi,C.,Somers,C.,&Tolia,S.(2012).ParentAdolescentRelationshipsandAdolescent
SexualBehavior:PatternsbyAdolescentGender.InternationalJournalofBusinessand
SocialScience,3(7),6674.
Bearinger,L.,Eisenberg,M.,Resnick,M.,Sieving,R.,&Swain,C.(2006).Parents'
CommunicationwithAdolescentsAboutSexualBehavior:AMissedOpportunityfor
Prevention?JYouthAdolescence,893902.
Beaulieu,E.,Hebert,N.,Laflamme,S.,&Tremblay,M.(2013).Adolescents'Comfort
AnsweringQuestionsAboutSexualityAskedbyTheirPhysicians.PaediatricsandChild
Health,18(3),129133.
Burgess,V.,Dziegielewski,S.,&Green,C.(2005).ImprovingComfortAboutSex
CommunicationBetweenParentsAndTheirAdolescents:PracticeBasedResearch
WithinATeenSexualityGroup.BriefTreatmentandCrisisIntervention,379390.
Constantine,N.,&Jerman,P.(2010).DemographicandPsychologicalPredictorsofParent
AdolescentCommunicationAboutSex:ARepresentativeStatewideAnalysis.JYouth
Adolescence,(39),11641174.
Cornelius,J.,Legrand,S.,&Jemmott,L.(2008).AfricanAmericanGrandparents'and
AdolescentGrandchildren'sSexualityCommunication.JournalofFamilyNursing,333
346.
Harden,K.(n.d.).ASexPositiveFrameworkforResearchonAdolescentSexuality.
PerspectivesonPsychologicalScience,455469.
Small,E.,Weinman,M.,Buzi,R.,&Smith,P.(2010).ExplainingCondomUseDisparity
AmongBlackAndHispanicFemaleAdolescents.ChildandAdolescentSocialWork
Journal,365376.
Wozniak,A.,Lollis,S.,&Marshall,S.(n.d.).CompetingDiscoursesWithinParentAdolescent
Conversations.
Capitalizing