Running Head: CONFLICT IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Conflict in Everyday Life

Alexandra L. Zelczak
COMM 1500 Fall 2014 MWF 9:05 Dr. Huggins

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2
Abstract

The purpose of this research is to examine the type of conflict style used in my own life. At first,
my dominant conflict style is discussed and examined. Then the research moves on to show the
different tactics used along with real-life examples. Finally, the analysis examines the influences
and flexibility of my conflict styles. This research highlights the collaborating and competitive
styles and how I use them in everyday situations.

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Conflict in Everyday Life

Whether it be a small predicament or a full blown argument, many people experience
daily conflict. There are five styles of conflict, each with different characteristics: Competing,
collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. While some people strictly follow
one conflict style, a lot of people, like myself, have two different styles that mesh together.
Different tactics are used in each specific situation which helps determine what type of conflict
style a person uses. However, a person can easily be influenced by the conflict styles of their
parents or close peers. The conflict style that pertains most to myself is collaborating, but I am
competitive in some aspects, depending on the situation and relationship with the other person.
My peers and I all agree that my main conflict style is collaborating. However, competing
comes in at a close second. The relationship I have with the person influences whether I
collaborate or compete. As seen in the chart, my highest score was for collaborating from all
three people who took the questionnaire:
Self- Score

Competitive
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoidant
Accommodatin
g

8
9
4
3
6

Person One: Andrea Person Two:

Hammond
Zack
(roommate)
McCurry
(boyfriend)
5
8
9
8
7
3
6
7
3
4

Average score
across all three
people
7
8.6
4.6
5.3
4.3

For the most part, I like things to be equal, for everyone to get along, and for everyone to be
happy. However, if I am in a very close, personal relationship with the person, I will compete for
my views. In the chart it shows that my boyfriend scored me high in competitiveness because our
relationship is really close and comfortable while with my roommate, she scored me lower in

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competitiveness because I usually collaborate with our problems. In the interview with my
boyfriend, Zack, we both agreed that if I feel strongly enough about the subject and I am
comfortable with the person, I will definitely fight for my opinion because I do not care as much
what the other person thinks (personal communication, November 25, 2014). If I were to get into
a conflict with my roommate, I would collaborate more because I care what she thinks and I am
not as comfortable around her as I am with my boyfriend.
Tactics are used subconsciously while in an argument. Usually someone does not think
about what tactic will be used in order to resolve the problem, they just go with what comes to
mind. One tactic of collaborating is thinking outside the box. An example of this would be when
my roommate and I were in a conflict about who would take the recycling to the bin and how
often. The recycle pile was becoming a problem because animals were going through it, but my
roommate did not want to take it all the way to the recycling place because the bag was not all
the way full. I thought outside the box and proposed a new plan in which we both asked the
manager of our apartment complex if we could have a separate recycling bin to pick up when
trash is picked up. The office manager agreed to our plan and now we have a recycling bin in our
complex for easy access that allows us to freely dump our recyclables. The conflict was easily
resolved and we are both satisfied and my roommate reacted in a helpful and understanding
manner.
Sometimes I tend to compete and be forceful while in conflict, especially with my
boyfriend. A tactic that I use most of the time is hostile imperatives. An example of this would be
when Zack took on a huge workload last semester, he was taking 18 hours of classes along with
playing college baseball. This resulted in a large conflict because he was leaving no time at all
for me or anything else. I would say statements like, you were the one who chose this schedule

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and career path so you have no room to complain or be upset. Zack reacted to this statement in
an even more upset manner saying things like, it isnt my fault or you need to be more
understanding. I would not have used this tactic against my roommate because I do not feel as
comfortable with our relationship as I do with mine and my boyfriends. This resulted in an even
bigger conflict which was later resolved by some collaborating and figuring out an easy solution
where we could both spend more time together.
When collaborating, there are a lot of advantages. Some advantages that I have
experienced are that the relationship between me and the other person is kept stable and clean,
usually most of my opinion on the matter gets established in the resolution, and we are able to
come up with more effective solutions rather than just one persons opinion or having to
compromise. With my roommates and other close friends, whenever there is a conflict and we
collaborate, none of us have harsh feelings towards each other throughout the predicament or
when it is done and over. Our relationship is still strong and we are always able to work through
our problems. This is essential because if the relationship between me and my roommate is a
roller coaster of emotion, then it could cause a lot of stress in my life because I would constantly
worry about her rather than school or work. A disadvantage I have experienced with
collaborating is that my idea is not the chosen solution to the problem most of the time. This is
not a huge deal for me as I am willing to work with whoever I am in conflict with to find a
resolution rather than just have my idea as the sole solution to the problem.
When I compete during conflicts, there are hardly any advantages and a lot of
disadvantages. One advantage though of competing is that I will almost always get my way. My
opinion is always forced upon the conflict and usually I get the choice of how to resolve the
issue. This could also be a disadvantage because there is no room for anyone elses opinion and

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that leads to ineffective problem solving. Another disadvantage is the relationship between me
and the other person becomes weaker as we do not work together to solve the problem and I am
usually degrading them in order to get my way. In the interview with Zack, he stated that he felt I
only compete when I am really passionate about the subject. He believes that if it was not that
big of a deal, I would try to collaborate and figure something out (personal communication,
November 25, 2014). I agreed with this because if I feel strongly enough about the subject, I will
fight and compete to make sure my idea is the resolution.
Growing up, I lived with my parents and my sister, and we did everything together. My
sister and I played the same sports so my parents would always be there for both of us. My
parents were continuously trying to solve conflicts in our lives because we were constantly busy
and always together. My mom had more of a competitive style while my dad was more
collaborative. Being forceful and competitive, my mom was always stern with her values. At one
time, my sister and I did not want to play basketball, but my mom thought it was a good idea to
keep us active and social. My mom was adamant about playing and pushed us to keep going. She
would use the tactic of disgust and rejection by saying things like, I am fed up with your
attitude and your decision, and you have no idea what you are talking about. My dad however,
is more of a collaborator. He would always work through the situation to try to find the best
solution for all of us. During the conflict on whether or not my sister and I wanted to play
basketball, he would say things such as, Lets try to work this out so everyone is happy. He
ended up proposing a solution that made us all happy and the conflict was worked out. I presume
that I adopted both of my conflict styles from my parents. I was always observing their strategies
and now I use them in my own situations. This is also how I learned to be flexible. I saw how
adamant my mom was, but she rarely came to a solution of the conflict, and I also saw how my

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dad was able to work through conflicts. I learned that I needed to be forceful about the things I
wanted, but try to collaborate with the other person most of the time. An example of when I used
both conflict styles was when my roommate and I were searching for apartments to live in. She
had her choice of where I wanted to live and I also had mine. I did not at all want to live in the
apartment complex that she chose because it was more expensive with fewer amenities and I
really favored the place that I had chosen, but my roommate did not agree with me. I decided that
we needed to figure out a place to live soon and since we were at a standstill, we collaborated
and decided to both look together and find a place. While searching, I was still forceful with the
price and amenities that I was looking for, but I worked with her in finding a better place that fit
both our needs.
I enjoy being a collaborator most of the time while I do not appreciate being competitive.
If I could change one thing, it would be to act less competitive while in conflict and try to work
something out. I feel as though when I am competitive, I end up hurting the relationship between
me and the other person. I would like to be more of a collaborator because the bond between me
and the other person is usually still strong when we collaborate. Even though collaborating is my
dominant conflict style, I wish to still improve on it and use better tactics. I need to work on
accepting responsibility because even though I try to work through conflict to find a solution, I
hardly ever accept the responsibility for why the conflict started. I want people to be comfortable
discussing our conflict and not worry about me blaming them for the entire encounter.
With conflicts being an everyday occurrence in peoples lives, it is hard to stick to just
one conflict style. However, like myself, most people have a dominant style that they use. My
dominant style being collaborating has helped me through some small dilemmas all the way up

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to large crises. However, I also use force and competitiveness in order to get my way sometimes.
The conflict style ultimately depends on the situation and the relationship with the other person.
References
McCornack, Steven. (2013). Reflect and Relate: An Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication. Boston: Bedford/St. Martins.

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Contact Information
Peer one: Andrea Hammond: alhammon@uga.edu, 302.256.6625 Relationship: Roommate
Peer two (Interview): Zack McCurry: baseball.mccurry@yahoo.com, 706.244.1424
Relationship: Boyfriend