Wenger 1

Marcus Wenger
Mr. Padgett
English 102
April 3, 2016
The Truth behind Football
Football has been Americas most popular and sought after sport for over a century now.
As time progressed so did medicine; discovering new diseases, conditions, and treatments.

Commented [JJ1]: Try making the title a little more

elaborate. (The Truth Behind Football: the realization of its
all its dangers)talk to Padgett he had a good example.

Commented [JJ2]: Watch your grammar here.

Medicine has learned a lot about the benefits of staying active and participating in sports like
football. Despite, these benefits medicine has also discovered the life threatening health risks
involved with participating in football. Although there are many health benefits associated with
participating in football the life threatening health risks which include repeated head trauma,
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, and other mental health diseases make football too
dangerous of a sport to be played.

Commented [JJ3]: Good thesis! I like how you addressed

the why as to people play football despite the dangerous
outcomes.

There is no other way to put it, football is a very dangerous sport. Players use their
heads/helmets as a weapon to hit their opponents. A helmet does not make the player invincible
from head trauma and all of the repeated forceful blows to the head lead to repeated head trauma
and concussions. A concussion occurs quite frequently at all levels of play even at the youth
level. The study, which was an analysis of peer-reviewed studies on head trauma in a variety of
high school sports, estimated that high school football players suffered 11.2 concussions for
every 10,000 games and practices. Among college players, the rate stood at 6.3. (Breslow) As

Commented [JJ4]: Check your in text citation formatting.

Should be-> 6.3 (Breslow).

you can see, concussions occur frequently at the high school level approximately every 892
games. The authors cautioned, however, that their estimates are likely conservative because
many concussions go unreported (Breslow). The risk is high for a football player to receive a
diagnosed concussion but even higher when accounting all of the undiagnosed concussions.

Commented [JJ5]: Interesting statistic! I like the

controversy here.

Wenger 2

Concussions can be very impactful on our youth effecting their mental health and school work.
The study, which was conducted by the Institute of Medicine and funded by the NFL, found
that in most cases, concussions symptoms disappear within two weeks. In 10 to 20 percent of
individuals, however, concussive symptoms persist for a number of weeks, months, or even
years,(Breslow) Immediate concussion symptoms include headache, loss of consciousness,
confusions, dizziness, dazed, etc. (Mayo Clinic Staff) These immediate symptoms are very

Commented [JJ6]: Watch your formatting and

punctuation here.

powerful and can prevent students from attending class and carrying on with their normal day
routines. Concussions symptoms that may be immediate or delayed include concentration and
memory complaints, sensitivity to light and noise, sleep disturbances, psychological adjustment
problems and depression. (Mayo Clinic Staff) These are all very serious problems that can last a
week to even months. Serious complications like these symptoms prevent students from
attending class and can put them behind in school. More serious complications follow postconcussion symptoms.Dr. Bennet Omalu says that young players are at risk of major
depression, memory loss, suicidal thoughts and actions, loss of intelligence as well as dementia
later in life and drug and alcohol abuse as the child enters his 20s, 30s, and 40s. (Cook) As you
can see concussions especially in our youth have serious immediate complications but also have
potentially even more severe issues in the following years. Sports are supposed to be a positive
influence on an individual but by participating in football the participant is likely to receive a
concussion at one point during their time playing. This concussion makes the individual much
more likely to head to down a darker path with potentially more serious issues coming later in
life including Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy.
First I really like your overall topic. Readers will be able to tell your overall interest and understand the
importance of it. Your organization was great and flowed really well. Definitely look at the penguin hand
book for grammar and punctuation with in text citations though because it interferes with the
cohesiveness/synthesis of your ideas and your sources. You have a clear stance and your
sources/evidence is clear an concrete. You provide a good deal of sources that really speak to readers on
an emotional level which is a great way to persuade people to your point of view. You do also touch on
the counter argument which is also great. Dont forget your work cited! Also try coming up with a
solution to the problem and how game can be better improved to protect players.

Commented [JJ7]: I found this information you posed

here very interesting. Rarely you see sports effecting
childrens academics but in this case it can severely damage
their educational timeline.

Wenger 3

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is a degenerative brain disease that causes Tau

protein to build in the brain around the brains blood vessels, interrupting normal functioning and
eventually killing nerve cells.(Wexler) CTE is caused by repeated blows to the head and
concussions which occur frequently when playing football. The first stage of CTE has no
symptoms and is when isolated spots of tau build up mostly around the frontal lobe, or crown of
the head.(Wexler) The second stage of CTE is rage, impulsivity, and depression. In stage 2,
symptoms begin to appear as defective tau protein affects more nerve cells in the brains frontal
lobe. (Wexler) The third stage of CTE is confusion and memory loss. In stage 3, Tau
deposits expand from the frontal section to the temporal section of the brain. Condition begins to
affect the amygdala and the hippocampus, which impairs emotions and memory. (Wexler) The
tau deposits grow in brain disrupting and killing the healthy cells around it. This process
continues throughout someones life with CTE and is why today we are now just seeing the
effects in retired or older athletes. The fourth stage of CTE is Advanced Dementia. In stage 4,
Tau deposits have overwhelmed the brain, killing many nerve cells and shrinking it by nearly
half the size. The brain becomes deformed and brittle, and cognitive function is severely
limited. (Wexler) These four stages are very serious and life altering. It all starts with repeated
head trauma which is why this disease is particularly associated with football. The effects of
CTE are being seen worldwide on national television as former athletes with the disease are
struggling with living life. Former players are completely dependent upon their loved ones to
take care of them. Especially in the example of former Chicago Bears quarterback Jim
McMahon. I was having a lot of problems with just forgetting the easiest things, he said.
Then I started getting some bad head pains, really sharp pains and a lot of dull pains, but it was
constant. A lot of constant pressure on my skull. I didnt know what to do. Id leave the house

Commented [JJ8]: Really good example here. This quote

pulls pathos into play as it speaks from a first handed
experience and ethos as it is a familiar and famous
quarterback.

Wenger 2

and Id have to call Laurie on the way home and say, I dont know where Im at. I dont know
how I got on this road. I told her aliens abducted me and put me over here. It was very
frustrating. I can see how guys now how some of these guys have ended their lives, because
of the pain.(Fred Mitchell) Jim McMahon suffered multiple concussions throughout his life
playing football both diagnosed and undiagnosed. The reason Jim McMahon was having so
much trouble remembering anything is a result from his concussions. Player who has been
diagnosed with a concussion is likely to have a smaller hippocampus, the memory center of the
brain, than a player who hasnt been so diagnosed, a new study finds. And regardless of whether
theyd had concussions, players have smaller hippocampi than men their age who dont play
football and who have no history of brain trauma(Seppa) The hippocampus is the memory part
of the brain and due to the repeated head trauma in football former players like McMahon
struggle greatly with remembering even the smallest of things. Living life everyday now is his
biggest battle as he is dependent upon his wife. This is the result of repeated head trauma and
concussions from participating in football. Where just living is the biggest battle as many former
famous football players have lost their battle. Junior Seau was a famous professional football
player who suffered from CTE and ended his battle at the young age of only 43 years old. These
retired football players are suffering from the long term consequences of participating in football
which can be easily overlooked because it does not possess an immediate impact. Retired
sportsmen who report one or two episodes of concussion appear to be exposed to a 1.5-fold
higher risk of depression than sportsmen with no history of concussion. The risk of depression is
increased threefold in sportsmen reporting three or more concussions during their career.
First I really like your overall topic. Readers will be able to tell your overall interest and understand the
importance of it. Your organization was great and flowed really well. Definitely look at the penguin hand
book for grammar and punctuation with in text citations though because it interferes with the
cohesiveness/synthesis of your ideas and your sources. You have a clear stance and your
sources/evidence is clear an concrete. You provide a good deal of sources that really speak to readers on
an emotional level which is a great way to persuade people to your point of view. You do also touch on
the counter argument which is also great. Dont forget your work cited! Also try coming up with a
solution to the problem and how game can be better improved to protect players.

Commented [JJ9]: Great use of your evidence!

Wenger 3

(Guskiewicz) As you can see these increased risks of life changing diseases do not take effect
immediately on someones life. It is something that grows inside their brain and once it is
noticeable it is already too late.

Commented [JJ10]:

Despite all of these negatives from participating in football there certainly are many
positives to playing football or sports general. A growing body of research literature finds that
in addition to improved physical health, sport plays a primarily positive role in youth
development, including improved academic achievement, higher self-esteem, fewer behavioral
problems, and better psychosocial. (truesport) Sports can be a very positive influence in
someones life helping support their aspirations and lead them down the right path. That sport
however does not need to be football that destroys your life later in life. Other sports like cross
country, basketball, baseball, etc.. provide the same health benefits and life lessons as football
but do not possess the prominent, serious health risks. These outcomes are thought to be related
to the contribution of sport to learning values and skills associated with initiative, social
cohesion, self-control, persistence, and responsibility.36 Theories of positive youth development
stress the importance of sport in acquiring skills that are beneficial in other domains (e.g., school,

Commented [JJ11]: Try coming up with a solution.

family, work) that lead to better adaptive skills. (truesport) These traits and qualities that sports
can provide to our youth shows us how crucial it is for them to participate in sports growing up.
It is within those traits and qualities that lead them into successful men and women helping
prevent negative influences and other potentially harmful diseases. As sports participation
increases, the odds of suffering from depression decreases by 25% (OR: 0.75; 95% CI: 0.700.82) and the odds of having suicidal ideation decreases by 12%. (Babiss) As you can see sport
participation is extremely beneficial to both your mental health and physical health. However,

Commented [JJ12]: Great commentary on your quote!

Wenger 2

you now know that football can be beneficial in the short run but is seriously detrimental in the
long run due to its increase in likelihood of depression and other severe mental disorders.
Although there are many health benefits associated with participating in football the life
threatening health risks which include repeated head trauma, Chronic Traumatic
Encephalopathy, and other mental health diseases make football too dangerous of a sport to be
played.

First I really like your overall topic. Readers will be able to tell your overall interest and understand the
importance of it. Your organization was great and flowed really well. Definitely look at the penguin hand
book for grammar and punctuation with in text citations though because it interferes with the
cohesiveness/synthesis of your ideas and your sources. You have a clear stance and your
sources/evidence is clear an concrete. You provide a good deal of sources that really speak to readers on
an emotional level which is a great way to persuade people to your point of view. You do also touch on
the counter argument which is also great. Dont forget your work cited! Also try coming up with a
solution to the problem and how game can be better improved to protect players.

Commented [JJ13]: Try to re summarize your paragraphs

in a few sentences to recap on the issues.