6851 Lampson Ave.

Garden Grove, CA 92845

September 23, 2015

Dear James McBride,

Your article Hip Hop Planet, published in 2007 by National
Geographic, argues that hip hop was something you wanted to avoid in
every way. You continued to elaborate on the fact that you disliked it very
much, but came to realize that it was part of your culture. Even though
others may disagree, I believe that hip hop culture has a positive influence
on society due to its inspiration and information.
One reason why hip hop culture has a positive influence on society is
through its inspiring words. By looking at the song Hall of Fame by The
Script, one can literally see the inspiration words can spread. Yeah, You
could be the greatest / You could be the best / You could be the king kong
banging on his chest.You could be a master / Dont wait for luck / Dedicate
yourself and you could find yourself / Standing in the hall of fame. This
example shows the world that rap can be inspirational and uplifting. Its
important to note that the singers are trying to raise peoples spirits, so that
we can live life in a happier mindset. As a result, I for one feel empowered
after hearing this song.
On the more serious side of things, hip hop has been known as an
educational door. According to Akala on a Ted Talk video called, Shakespeare
and Hip Hop, he argues that hip hop artists can be custodians of

knowledge. This means that through song, rappers can also education
listeners. A perfect example of this is Word Crimes by Avoki Yackovic. This
matters because many people dont view hip hop as an educational tool.
Through rap, many things can be learned.
Another way to look at this is, that hip hop is like a musical history
book. Hip hop helps us in understanding what is going on in a certain time
period. The song Bills by LunchMoney Lewis, Lewis talks about the never
ending problems of bills. I got bills I gotta pay / So imma work, work, work
everyday / Ive got mouths I gotta feed / So Im gonna make sure everybody
eats / Ive got bills. Here Lewis is definitely talking about not having any
money. Money is something everyone needs in life. This helps us come to the
conclusion that he or the people around him are having financial problems.
Although you may still disagree and think that hip hop ..sounds like a
broken record,. my evidence suggest that hip hop is so much more than
that. After reading your article, I notice that your view on hip hop changed
slightly. Its essential for people to recognize that everyone does have their
own opinion, but to respect their background as well. Thank you for reading.
Sincerely,
Hannah Archer

Rubric rating submitted on: 10/5/2015, 4:27:11 PM by c.smart@ggusd.net

Overall
Description of
what each
score looks
like; this row is
for
informational
purposes only.
See YOUR
score below.
Your score:

A 5 essay
demonstrates
a clear
competence in
writing. It may
have some
errors, but they
are not serious
enough to
distract or
confuse the
reader. (A 6
essay is
superior writing
which meets
the criteria of a
Score of 5, and
is especially
distinctive in its
exceptionally
coherent and
well-developed
argument,
thorough
development
of analysis of
specifics
related to the
prompt and
text(s), and
impressive
control of
language.)

A 4 essay
demonstrates
proficient
writing. It may
have some
errors that
distract the
reader, but
they do not
significantly
obscure
meaning.

A 3 essay
demonstrates
developing
competence,
but is flawed in
some
significant
way(s).

A 2 essay is
seriously
flawed.

A 1 essay
demonstrates
fundamental
deficiencies in
writing skills.

Statement of
Purpose/Focus
(a-b)
Your score: 5

(a) Claim is
clear, focused,
and
maintained. [if
applicable: (b)
Alternate or
opposing
claim(s) are
adequately
addressed.]

(a) Claim is
clear, and for
the most part
maintained,
though some
loosely
relevant
material may
be present. [if
applicable:
(b)Alternate or
opposing

(a) Claim may

be clearly
focused, but is
flawed in some
significant
way(s). [if
applicable: (b)
Alternate or
opposing
claim(s) are
unclear or
unfocused.]

(a) Claim is
unfocused
and/or
insufficiently
sustained. [if
applicable:
(b)Alternate or
opposing
claim(s) are
unclear or not
present.]

(a) Claim may

be confusing
or ambiguous.
[if applicable:
(b) Alternate or
opposing
claim(s) are
not present.]

claim(s) are
introduced.]
Organization
(c-e)
Your score: 5

(c) Consistent
use of
transitional
strategies. (d)
Logical
progression of
ideas from
beginning to
end. (e)
Effective
introduction
and conclusion
for audience
and purpose.

(c) Adequate
use of
transitional
strategies with
some variety.
(d) Adequate
progression of
ideas from
beginning to
end. (e)
Adequate
introduction
and
conclusion.

(c) Inconsistent
use of basic
transitional
strategies with
little variety.
(d) Uneven
progression of
ideas from
beginning to
end. (e)
Introduction
and conclusion
are present.

(c) Limited use

of basic
transitional
strategies with
little or no
variety. (d)
Unclear
progression of
ideas from
beginning to
end. (e)
Introduction
and conclusion
are attempted
but insufficient.

(c) Few or no
transitional
strategies are
evident. (d)
Has a major
drift in the
progression of
ideas/complete
ly off topic. (e)
Introduction
and/or
conclusion
may not be
present.

Elaboration of
Evidence (f-g)
Your score: 5

(f) Relevant
evidence from
a sufficient
amount of
sources is
effectively
integrated with
appopriate
citation. (g)
Effective use
of elaborative
techniques
("means/matte
rs").

(f) Relevant
evidence from
a sufficent
amount of
sources is
integrated,
though
integration
may be slightly
awkward,
general, or
imprecise. (g)
Adequate use
of some
elaborative
techniques.
("means/matte
rs")

(f) Evidence
from sources is
weakly and
awkwardly
integrated and
citations, if
present, are
inconsistent.
(g) Marginal or
inconsistent
use of
elabortive
techniques
("means/matte
rs").

(f) Evidence
from sources,
although
included, is
insufficient and
inappropriately
integrated or
cited. (g)
Elaborative
techniques are
weak.

(f) Use of
evidence from
sources is
minimal,
absent, in
error, or
irrelevant. (g)
Elaborative
techniques are
absent.

Language,
Vocabulary (h)
& Style
Your score: 5

(h) Proper use

of academic
and domainspecific
vocabulary is
appropriate for
the audience
and purpose.
Proper voice,
tone, and
perspective is

(h) Use of
academic and
domainspecific
vocabulary is
generally
appropriate for
the audience
and purpose.
Mostly the
proper voice,

(h) Use of
academic and
domainspecific
vocabulary
may at times
be
inappropriate
for the
audience and
purpose.

(h) Use of
academic and
domainspecific
vocabulary is
largely
inappropriate
for the
audience and
purpose.
Voice, tone,

(h) Uses
limited
academic
language or
domainspecific
vocabulary and
has little sense
of audience
and purpose.
Voice, tone,

Conventions (ij)
Your score: 5

used. Distinct
writing style is
used.

tone, and
perspective is
used. A
distinct writing
style is
attempted.

Voice, tone,
and
perspective
may be
inappropriate
or inconsistent.
Writing style is
vague or
overly
simplistic.

and
perspective is
inappropriate
or causes
major
inconsistencies
in the paper.
Simplistic
writing style
limits
effectiveness
of paper.

and/or
perspective is
confusingly
inconsistent or
inappropriate.
Writing style is
unrecognizable
.

(i)
Demonstrates
some
syntatical
variety, and
has limited or
no errors in
grammar,
usage, and
sentence
formation. (j)
Standard use
of punctuation,
capitalization,
and spelling.

(i) Some errors

in grammar,
usage, and
sentence
formation may
be present, but
no systematic
pattern of
errors is
displayed. (j)
Some errors in
punctuation,
capitalization,
and spelling.

(i) Frequent
errors in
grammar and
usage may
obscure
meaning. (j)
Frequent
errors in
punctuation,
capitalization,
and spelling.

(i) Frequent
errors in
grammar,
usage, and
sentence
formation
obscure
meaning. (j)
Frequent
errors and/or
limited use of
punctuation,
capitalization,
and spelling.

(i) Errors in
grammar,
usage, and
sentence
formation are
frequent and
severe, and
meaning is
often
obscured. (j)
Inappropriate
or incorrect
use of
punctuation,
capitalization,
and spelling.

Comments:
5
Hannah!
What a wonderful first essay!
You write very eloquently, and I am sure McBride would love receiving a letter from you.
To make your next essay even greater, see if you can explain your position without using "This
means/This matters/This shows, etc." You can certainly THINK these things as you write, but
your writing will sound more sophisticated without these "crutches."