Jennings 1

Alexys Jennings
April 5, 2016
English 1001

Preface:
Grammatically speaking I know its all over the place because I just wanted to get
something down to work with. But as far as my real concerns I wonder if its all links together.
Im also unsure if my inquiry question of why do teenage girls seek validation and/or
acceptance from Instagram and Facebook?Why do teenage girls seek acceptance from social
media, specifically Facebook and Instagram? is really answered or not. I think that as I write
more I might have an answer to the question but right now its still me asking it. So my other
question is just I keep that as my question or broaden it up some and not specify on teenage girls
and just make it social media users in general? I would stick to teens, but focus on certain aspects
because right now the paper is very redundant Because in some areas of the paper I only speak
on social media in general I dont specify on which network Im talking about. And paragraph 5
is not done its kind of a thought in the making. Side note: I realized looking back over it that I
only included 3 of my sources so I will be sure to go back and put them in. I also think that you
need a strong opening line. I dont think you should use your IP question as your title, try to
think of something creative.

Seeking Validation

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1.Social media is used for many different things, and over time it has gone from a simple
way to keep up with your friends to being the main way some communicate with theirs. With
time it has also gone from being a source of happiness to being used for cyber bullying too. In
some cases it reaches the point to where people put their happiness in the hands of those on
Facebook and Instagram. With these changes positive things have come along as well; events
such as people using their social media account to spread awareness. But the question of why
people put their happiness in the hands of those on these social networks still stands. Why do
people feel more important with the acceptance of someone they have never met, and probably
never will? I dont think you talk about your topic enough before stating your inquiry question.
And the question talks about acceptance from someone you never met before, but you didnt
mention that previously. I think your inquiry question should involve social media, like the one
stated in your preface.

2.A major example of how users seek validation from these sites is with Facebook. Why?
So why is it the overtime Facebook has gone from being used solely by college students to being
used by millions worldwide? Back up source supporting that it was only used by college students
Of those millions a vast majority relies on it as their source of happiness in many different ways.
In the article The Upside of Selfies: Social Media isn't all Bad for Kids on CNN the author
Maria Konnikova sheds light on some of the more positive effects of social media for people. In
the article she discusses how using social media actually makes one in five teens feel more
confident. As oppose to the rest who if anything felt more attacked on these sites. I think you
need examples of happy/sad incidents

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3.While there arent as many obvious positive effects of social media the negatives are
everywhere. Everything from kids being bullied to how teenagers put their value in the amount
of likes they receive. For teenage girls specifically, they tend to define their beauty based off of
what they see on social media accounts that are payed to make their lives seem more glamorous.
Comparing your life to those who paid to fake it can cause you to feel more depressed. But both
genders tend to feel more important the more followers they have. I wouldnt compare gendersmaybe focus on just girls I have personally heard many times two people conversing and saying
how they felt they should have more followers than someone else, because they felt they are
more important and more relevant than the other. Which is what causes so much bullying.
Teenagers often bully over social media because they are hiding behind the screen, and in doing
that they dont hold back or think about what they are saying to one another. Since they dont see
the person theyre hurting in person. fragment use a comma to combine the sentences

4.Another prime example of the teenage girls seeking acceptance is on Instagram. As a

user of the Instagram I have seen firsthand how girls put their value in their accounts. Multiple
times Ive overheard my associates say how they have more followers than someone else, so they
should get more likes than they do. Along with this girls tend to try and make their accounts
similar to those who are paid to make their lives look more glamorous. I feel like this
introduction is repeated in the previous paragraph When in reality many of these people whose
lives look so fabulous on the network, and are paid to look this way, arent usually quite as great
as they we think they are. In the article Essena O'Neill quits Instagram claiming social media 'is
not real life' former Instagram famous star Essena O'Neill said It got 5 likes. This was when I

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was so hungry for social media validation referring to when she first made her account and
automatically want this validation from others. Later in the article she talks about how she
would sit there for hours almost every day trying to get a picture worthy of posting.

5.Although when people think of social media and its effects on its users people tend to
think of the negatives there are some positives as well. In the book Networked: The New Social
Operating System the authors Lee Rainie and Barry Wellman shed light on the more positive
affects it has on its users by doing surveys on its users. One survey showed that teenage girls
tend to feel prettier and be happier with their lives. Repeated positive aspects from the Facebook
paragraph Quote this survey or cite it for more evidence and try to elongate this paragraph.

6.With all this being said the question of why teenage girls seek validation and/or
acceptance from social networks still stand. Is it because they want to feel pretty? Is it because in
a way these complete strangers telling them they theyre gorgeous makes them feel this was,
even if they may never actually meet them. Maybe its because they just want to seem like
theyre important and their lives are glamorous just for the sake of likes. Or maybe its a
combination of it all. Not only do they want to seem more fabulous than they are but it might just
make them feel that way. I personally think that its different for everyone. Ive heard some say
that they dont feel that social media is that deep, and others say that its their lives, and they
have no idea what theyd do without it. A lot of the word it, try to use different words and

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sentence structures to eliminate this. I think you need more sources, a stronger introduction, and
more to your paper. The focus is unclear to me. Is it gender, Facebook, Instagram, or
cyberbullying? Make your point more clear in your introduction and your paper will be perfect!

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Work Citied

Hunt, Elle. "Essena O'Neill Quits Instagram Claiming Social Media 'is Not Real Life'"
The

Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 03 Nov. 2015. Web. 23 Apr. 2016.

Konnikova, Maria. How Facebook Makes us Unhappy. The New Yorker. Cond Nast,
10

September 2013. Web. 26 March 2016.

Mantel, Barbra. Teen Suicide. CQ Researcher. Sage Publications, 12 September 2014.

Web.

23 March 2016.

Mustian, Jim and Wallace, Ben. Social media proves powerful resource for La. Law
enforcement. The Advocate. Capital City Press LLC, 28 June 2014. Web. 26 March
2016.

Rainie, Lee, and Barry Wellman. Networked: The New Social Operating System.
Cambridge,

MA: MIT, 2012. Print.

Wallace, Kelly. The upside of selfies: Social media isn't all bad for kids. CNN. Turner
Broadcasting, Inc, 7 October 2014. Web. 26 March 2016.