Memorandum

To:
Professor Chad Eller
From:
Adam Sedgwick
Date:
January 31, 2016
Subject:
Technical & Scientific Prose Style


This memo is what you requested for Project 1. I have analyzed one of my technical lab reports
from my experimental methods class last year, looking for ways to improve my technical and
scientific prose style.

My report Custom Orifice Plate Flow Sensor, describes the computerized calibration of an
orifice plate flow sensor with the use of a Kings Rotameter flow sensor. I have identified specific
examples on how my writing could improve. Sections below include being concise, being
precise, being direct, using proper orthography, and using the correct tense.

Being Concise:
To be concise means giving information clearly and in as few words as possible, being brief and
comprehensible. When reviewing my writing, I noticed many examples where I needed to be
more concise. One way is to eliminate dead phrases, words that do not say anything necessary.
For example, I repeated the phrase in order to four times:

In order to read pressure difference as the air passed through the orifice plate, two
Honeywell pressure sensors were used.

This phrase added nothing to help readers understand what I meant, and it left the sentence
unclear to the reader. By eliminating it, I could rewrite the sentence making it easier to
understand: Two Honeywell pressure sensors were used to read the pressure difference of air
passing through the orifice plate.

When a sentence is not concise, it usually contains lard or unnecessary words. These added
phrases could at times contribute to unclear information. Heres another example of a sentence
that contains lard:


This could be a disadvantage of using orifice plates, as depending on when or how it is
being used, periods of instant high pressure may be seen; meaning a short time must

pass before accurate steady state flow can be measured

This unclear sentence can be fixed by removing/changing the unnecessary phrases highlighted.
One disadvantage of orifice plates was seen during transient conditions where a few seconds
of inaccurate data was recorded. By getting rid of lard and by eliminating there with all
forms of the weak to be verb, a more concise sentence is formed.

Upon review of my previous writing, being concise is one of my largest challenges. It speaks of
the need of better review.

Being Precise:
To be precise means the level of specifics and detail are appropriate to what readers need to
understand your purpose for writing to them. For example, when writing an engineering
technical report, it is not appropriate to use casual language or vague phrases.

In this report, it is seen that flow and pressure drop measurements ultimately hold a
square root equation as the calibration curve, not a polynomial equation.

"it is seen" is not the best language; it is a case of wordy passive voice. This sentence would be
better to say something like "Experimental results match the theoretical relationship between
flow and square root of pressure drop across an orifice plate."

Precision can be closely linked with a clear understanding on what is being shared. Workplace
readers need to know what you want them to think about, understand, or take action on after
reading your writing. Here is an example of an imprecise sentence:


On top of the data for standard error of the fit, data was obtained to see how well the

quadratic calibration compared to the 4th degree calibration equation, in terms of

percentage of error for random flow rates.

This sentence leaves the reader with a sense of confusion. On top of is a colloquial; language
used in ordinary conversation, not formal or literary. It also contains an ambiguity in that it
could be interpreted literally or metaphorically. A clearer and more precise sentence would
read, In addition to data calculated for standard error of the fit, percent error data was
obtained comparing the quadratic calibration to the 4th degree calibration.


Being Direct:
To be direct means choosing strong nouns and verbs and knowing when to choose active or
passive voice. Using a passive voice is common in technical writing. The problem is that too
much use of passive voice can cloud the meaning of the sentence. I have noticed myself slipping
into a passive voice in my writing. In passive voice sentences, the subject is acted upon by the
verb.


As pressure within a system changes, temperature within the sensor also changes and

an output voltage signal is released from the sensor.

Change the highlighted section to As the system changes pressure,. This is an active voice
because the sentence subject is now performing the action. Not only does this help the
sentence become more direct, it also improves the clarity of the sentence.

Proper Orthography:
Orthography is defined as the conventional spelling system of a language. It includes using
correct spelling, hyphenation, emphasis, punctuation, and capitalization. My use of proper
orthography is typically correct, but within my technical writing I have discovered a few
examples of incorrect capitalization. Here is one example:


Beyond just using the Basic fitting tool to determine a polynomial calibration equation,

it is also possible to find the Square root calibration equation.

Within this sentence two errors in capitalization are seen. First, the term fitting in Basic
Fitting should be capitalized since it describes a specific tool in the computer software MATLAB;
without capitalization, the reader wouldnt know this. Second, Square in square root should
not be capitalized; it does not represent a proper noun.

Correct Tense:
Within a technical report there are a variety of tenses that are appropriate including past and
present tense. I have found it challenging to accurately choose the correct tense. Within the
abstract a past tense is used; within the introduction, the present tense is used. When dealing
with the methods and results section there is a combination of the two tenses. For example,
when writing about obtained results use past tense, but use the present tense when reporting
figures, tables, and graphs. Here is an example where I used both past and present tense in the
same sentence.


As air is pushed through the system, flow measurements along the side of the float in

(SCFM) was read.

The present tense was used incorrectly; it would be more appropriate to use past tense. By
changing is to was, the tense becomes correct.

Conclusion
One of the beautiful aspects of writing is the possibility for continuous improvement. The more
one writes, the better he or she may become, and the more it is realized just how much there is
to learn.

This memo has contributed to the awareness and overall improvement in five different aspects
of my writing including: being concise, being precise, being direct, using correct orthography,
and using the correct tense. With a continued practice in writing and reading, I will discover
many more opportunities to improve my writing to the benefit of myself and those that will
read my work.