Gandia 1

Nicole Gandia
English 1A
Professor Ogden
5 May 2016
Please Send Help!
Something that many people come across no matter where you live, your race,
gender, ethnicity, class, or culture is divorce or broken families. Whether a person has
lived through divorce or knows someone who has been through divorce, it is something
that is very prominent within our culture and is growing much more rapidly than what it
used to be before. Things that can can lead to this broken family in a sense is infidelity,
money, loss of trust, abuse, or simply the loss of love.
The reason I chose to write about this is because I have grown up knowing about
divorce and having broken families. I have never seen my own family go through a
divorce, but I do have a half sister and a half brother, my father had a previous marriage
before meeting my mom. With that being said, comparing the life I had full of love
compared to my sister and brother who had a broken family, it was much different for
me. The way that we would approach life and the way we would see things were on
different spectrums. They were much more reckless and made decisions without thinking.
They would never want the help of people yet at the same time I could see them yearning
for it. They also kept to themselves and did not really want to talk much and they had a
weird way of showing love towards others. As for myself, I loved talking to people as a
child. I always lead with my heart and made choices with my heart, never too logical on
certain things. I trust too easily and never think twice, but I believe that was beauty of it

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all. I learned so much from watching them and seeing what it was like for them going
from parent to parent. This is why I wanted to dig deeper into this. As I was doing some
research one thing that truly stuck out to me was what I found on
www.focusonthefamily.com. What parents see as a quick way out often results in
emotional damage that the children will carry for 30 years or more. Divorce is no small
thing to children. It is the violent ripping apart of their parents, a loss of stability, and
often a complete shock. While we often think of children as resilient, going through such
trauma is a lot to ask of our kids. This was everything that I had going through my mind
when I was deciding on this topic. It also was very relevant because, as stated above,
when I see my half brother and sister, I know that this divorce is something that they have
carried with them from when they were young and into their late thirties.
I am fortunate enough to never see my parents go through divorce, but in this day
and age that we are living in, you see more and more broken families. It has come to the
point where divorce has become a norm. Now, I do not want to say that divorce is a
terrible thing because sometimes it is what is needed for the better of the two people. The
problem that I have with this, is that when adults get a divorce and they have children
they are so focused on themselves and sometimes fail to realize the effects that the
divorce has given that child. Not that focusing on yourself as the adult who has gone
through a divorce is a bad thing, but I think it is important that the people who are getting
a divorce need to also take into consideration that not only has their world fallen apart,
but their childs world as well. The only world they have ever known has now been
smashed into many pieces. As stated in an article I was reading on
www.scientificamerican.com, many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose

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parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. That alone is
alarming, because not only does it show the amount of children that have to go through
this but just to know that children feel like their world is falling apart and yet we have not
been able to do much about it.
The divorce rate in America is between 40-50% today. This translates to roughly
half the married population in the past generations and generations to come will end their
marriages in divorce. Divorce used to be something couples would stay away from, but
now its becoming part of the norm. When a married couple announces that they are
getting a divorce, it is not as shocking as it would have been just 10 years ago. Divorce is
a huge epidemic in our community today and there are many causes like career choice,
time management, and compatibility. There are many effects, but the biggest effect of
divorce is that families are broken apart and children are forced to adjust with their lives
to accommodate the aftermath of a divorce.
Some of the main causes for divorce are career choice, time management, and
compatibility. Career choice is one way a divorce can start from because of how busy and
demanding a certain job like firemen, surgeons, and corporate executives to name a few.
Having a job is great to provide for families, but when you spend most of your time at
work and end up having less energy for your family that leads into time management.
Time management is a cause of divorce because of how one partner, or both partners in a
marriage dont make enough time to spend on each other or their family. This can lead to
falling out of love, and also cause depression. Not spending enough time with your
family can make you seem invisible and marriage is a partnership which requires the time
and energy of two people not just one. The last main cause of divorce is compatibility.

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Sometimes, two people just arent able to stand each other and they got married for the
wrong reasons, or were rushed into it. Simply put, the causes of divorce can range from
simple things to complex things, but the causes are what is most devastating.
The effect of divorce in a zero children household is not much, but in a household
with children the effects get multiplied the more children the parents have. Going
through the process of divorce can cause emotional disturbance and strife for the kids.
The children have to start figuring out how their new life is going to work such as to start
thinking about which parent is going to be the parent they stay with and who is going to
financially support them and help them out the most. This causes strain on children
because not only do they have to focus on their regular lives but they also have to focus
on things that other children do not have to think twice about. Children start to think
about how are they going to see their mom or dad and who will pick them up and what
its going to be like only coming back home to one parent. Divorce changes a childs life
whether people like to believe it or not. For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and
confusing. (help.org) Divorce for a child not only affects them at home but throughout
their day to day lives as well. These children have to learn to mold a whole new life. In a
lot cases, one parent has majority of custody or even full custody of the children and that
leads to the sense of a missing parent. The kids also lose the sense of family and love in
their lives this changes their perspective and outlook on life.
Children who come from divorced parents are more likely to have behavioral
problems compared to those of an unbroken family. (123helpme.com) Behavioral
problems are another effect on children that stems from divorce. Children who have come
from divorced families have problems with trusting and tend to be more rowdy. This is

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due to the fact that the parents arent both there to help teach life lessons to at all times.
Trust issues are very relevant for children with divorced parents because they see that
their parents who should be their role models couldnt stay together and trust each other
so it is hard for them to trust people outside of their comfort zone. Many children that
have divorced parents get physically aggressive and this is because children are young
and often times dont know how to express themselves in words so they tend to act out
against their peers in times of frustration and anger. Juvenile crime is a serious thing and
it can prevent these children from having future plans because of their actions.
The causes of divorce and the effect on children are a huge part and problem in
our society today. The rate of divorce in families across America has skyrocketed and
keeps on growing with each generation. It is altering the lives of many children for the
worse. Children who come from divorced families need to be given more attention to and
there is something that needs to be done. Kids should not have to suffer and feel like
theyre losing their parents or family support. The only thing children should be worried
about is how to have fun and how theyre going to grow up, but instead they are forced to
grow up on the spot without time to prepare. This is an epidemic that needs light to be
shined upon and something needs to be done about it. Divorce is leading children to
stress, depression, and behavioral problems and together as a society we need to do
something about it to help prevent divorces, or help the children who fall victim to the
aftermath.
Imagine being young again. Imagine being a young, helpless child always so
dependent on your mother and father. Now, put together all the fun memories that you
have had with your parents. Remember the times mom and dad would bring you to the

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park and have a picnic or remember those family game nights where you guys were all
sitting down and laughing and having the time of your lives. Now, imagine your parents
starting to drift away from each other. Imagine the smiles turning into frowns and those
noises of sweet laughter turn into frightening yelling between them. Now imagine, your
safe place, your comfort, the people you depend on just falling apart right in front of your
eyes. Everything you knew that was supposed to stay stable and not change is now
crashing down. So many times when adults go through divorce, people always forget that
the child is going through divorce too.
Now people may start to wonder in what ways divorce affects children. People
wonder how can a child really understand what is going on or even get onto the level of
what their parents are going through. Granted, maybe some kids are young and dont
really understand the severity and impact that may be going on. What people dont see
though is that the divorce can cause a ripple effect. Granted the child may look alright
and seem alright, but if the people that they look up to arent stable, it will soon then
affect the child as well. Parents are a very important support for the children. It is
difficult for them to be supportive when they are under stress. (Purdue Extension) Now,
thats the problem. The parents are so under so much stress and so focused with legal
matters that the attention that they used to give their child is slowly dwindling, and thats
where many problems stem from, problems related to life, emotions, school work, and so
much more. Thankfully, with the help of organizations that focus solely on children going
through divorce, it gives the child a much easier transition through everything that is
happening.

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Many divorce organizations help with emotional support such as emotional
disturbance, family support, and life support as a whole. These organizations try to help
by focusing on what the divorce has changed in you and tries to help make everything go
back as close to normal as it can. For example, when a child is going through the process
of divorce, they are given less attention to because the parents are stressing out over what
is going on with their legal matters. This can cause a child to have less help academically
because a child probably wont focus as much at school due to all the emotional distress
and also the parents arent there to give the help that they used to. Although that might
sound far fetched, a new research suggests divorce, not the discord leading up to it, can
negatively impact kids' performance at school. In a study of 3,500 children, those whose
parents divorced between the first and third grade scored lower in math and had poorer
interpersonal skills than those whose parents stayed married. (Moisse) Another thing
that children have a problem with is conflict. Children start to lash out and talk back to
their parents and to their friends. That once sweet child that everyone used to know is
completely different and is more hostile than sweet. A survey has observed between 20
and 25 percent of children experience high conflict during the marriage of their parents.
(Risk and Resilience) This is where an organization would come in and help make sure
that kids who are going through divorce can go back to maintaining a high grade and
even help with their behavior.
One organization that is a very well known organization amongst families who
have children and are going through divorce would be The Childrens Institute:
Strengthening Social and Emotional Health. They offer a consultation and evaluation to
see where the child is at in their current stage. An example of this is that they break down

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early care and education, after school assessment, and tools and measures to help the
child be able to work with what is going on currently in their life. They also have many
different programs that the parents can look into and can find what will most benefit the
child. This organization also helps with project training with the child alone and within
teams. They also help with possibilities of play and social and emotional learning and
most importantly, stage of change approach where they help the child figure out a
different way to go about things. Also, another great thing that this institution does is that
they have a wide arrangement of research on children which is great because every child
is different and unique. The type of research they have are: Autism/special needs, early
childhood, early literacy, families in transition, general prevention, measurement, obesity
prevent, primary project, resilience, school age, and social problem solving. Having
extensive knowledge in these particular areas are vital to helping children go through
divorce because not only do you know what divorce can cause but how to stop it in its
tracks before it gets any further. Knowing different type of behaviors and knowing how
to approach certain behaviors is very important because although one activity helped a
certain child, doesnt mean it will work on the next child. The institute also offers a store
that parents can purchase certain materials that they use during their training sessions so
that they can further train with their child at their home.
Now, lets go back to imagining when you were young again. You have just
recently watched your parents go through a divorce. You felt the tension rising and rising.
You have gone back and forth to mom and dads house. You have asked for help and you
get only fifty percent of the help you used to get. You are accustoming yourself to a
whole new life and a whole new world and youre feeling helpless. Now, imagine, a

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group of highly educated and well-trained people to come and hold your hand through it
all with your parents. Imagine now receiving even more help than you used to. It may be
weird at first, but imagine all the benefits youll be receiving. It will be scary at first, but
you cant look back now and you may want to do things the way you used to. It is
imperative that children who are going through high stress and emotional disturbance get
the help they need as soon as possible. Divorce is not easy. Kids are the future, we need
to make sure that theyre ready and we dont send a broken child out into the world. With
organizations, like Childrens Institute, mentioned above, were looking at a very happy,
bright, and full future.

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Works Cited
Arkowitz, Hal, and Scott O. Lilienfeld. "Is Divorce Bad for Children?"Scientific
American. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Apr. 2016.
"Cause and Effect Essay: Divorce Causes Problems For Children." 123HelpMe.com. 07
Mar 2016
<http://www.123HelpMe.com/view.asp?id=107446>.
"Children and Divorce." : Helping Kids Cope with Separation and Divorce. N.p., n.d.
Web. 07 Mar. 2016.
"How Could Divorce Affect My Kids?" Focus on the Family. N.p., 01 Jan. 2006. Web. 30
Apr. 2016.
Moisse, Katie. "Two Minus One: Divorce Drops Kids' Math Scores." ABC News. ABC
News
Network, 02 June 2011. Web. 30 Mar. 2016.
"Purdue Extension." Purdue Extension. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Mar. 2016.
"Risk and Resilience in Children Coping with Parental Divorce." DUJS Online. N.p., 30
May
2010. Web. 30 Mar. 2016.