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Amanda Thornton
Dr. Susan McGee
WGST 301:01
8 May 2014

Double Standard of Sexual Behavior in the Gender Binary

On a daily basis, we can see the inequalities between men and women. This has been an
age old problem because of the patriarchal socialization that we go through. The man is always
stronger than the woman who is seen as lower and submissive. One case of this inequality is the
double standard that is placed on sexual behavior. Men are looked on as more masculine when
they have a high level of sexual activity, even with multiple partners, and when adolescent
women practice the same sexual habits, they are shamed for it. Young women receive more
scrutiny for sexual behavior than men do, other than from their close friend group. From this
group young women receive a reassurance versus society about their sex lives. Once these
young women enter college, there are many different avenues to explore if they want to learn
more about their sexual health or get support from professionals.
The repercussions that women face when they are sexually deviant from the accepted
norm amount of sex is sometimes called slut shaming. This scrutiny usually comes from
verbal name calling or making a woman feel less by using hurtful words towards them. This can
be direct or indirect, therefore to their face or behind their back. In Heidi Lyons study titled
Identity, Peer Relationships, and Adolescent Girls Sexual Behavior one subject was quoted
saying (there are) some girls out there that deserve it. Like, they just dont care that gets put
on all girls.(444) This speaker was explaining how some girls that get slut shamed are asking

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for it by going around and being sexually deviant. In this case, she was referencing a girl having
multiple partners and being very promiscuous. By this subject blaming the girl and not society,
we can see that women are taught to blame other women instead of standing up to the unequal
ideals of society we are exposed to. This creates a down spiral of women blaming other women
and not ever having an end to this name calling and social injustice.
Women are often put down for being promiscuous or even open with their sex life. It is
seen as the deviant behavior in females. Connell points out that masculinity does not exist
except in contrast of femininity.(pg.232) Usually anything that is considered feminine would
then not be considered masculine. We can draw that the double standard is drawn on this
thinking; since women are supposed to be modest and not very sexually promiscuous, men are
socialized to think that to be masculine they have to be promiscuous and flaunt it. The young
women in this sample noted that women are typically labeled sluts for the same sexual
behavior that would earn boys the label stud. (Lyons, 438) This further points to the gender
norm differences that exist. This double standard of women being put down for their actions and
men being praised for the same actions doesnt seem like we should still have this harsh
inequality in the 21st century.
These standards of the gender binary come from what being a women and what being a
man really is. More specifically what really is a women and how do you perform feminine
attributes? The psychologist Freud came up with his own theory of what being a women means.
He based everything off of the envy of a man. So, a womens fate is one of lack, and penis
envy since the penis is the only recognized sex organ of any worth. (Irigaray, 386) Freud
points to women being less than the male by being envious of their sex organ. This might
contribute to our thinking now of the double standard of men versus women. If a womens

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existence was one of lack she would never have any pleasure or ability to make her life greater
because of this perceived penis envy. Nowadays, there isnt much thought about penis envy
but there is a jealously of the freedom that men are naturally born with. Feminine movement,
gesture, and posture must exhibit not only constriction, but grace and certain eroticism restrained
by modesty. (Bartky, 408) Bartky explains how being feminine is socialized in our society. You
must take up barely any space and be constricted but also have grace and be a little bit sexy. It
is the triple threat of being feminine and extremely hard to accomplish. For a young women, this
message of being sexy but conserved must be confusing, especially when they see their body
developing into a women. Once girls start to get curves, they try to show it off and be sexy and
the boys start noticing. This leads to the boys giving the girls attention for their body and they
could either give into the attention or blow it off. Any women can tell you it is very hard to blow
this attention off when you are trying to develop your sense of self and your hormones are
changing drastically.
So why are women looked at as a sex object in society but cannot be open about their
behaviors? Historically women have been looked at as bodies that need to be maintained. Bartky
explains that dieting disciplines that bodys hungers: appetite must be monitored at all times and
governed by an iron will.(406) The hunger is the sex drive of the women and the iron will
would be the control not to have sex unless needed to produce a pregnancy. Much like you would
feed your body to survive; this could be looked at theoretically as sperm being the food to
produce a child that you need to complete your existence. This shows the importance of
reproduction as necessity, but not pleasure that sex can bring. This is also pointed at in The
Social Organization of Masculinity, where life is related to a reproductive arena and defined by
bodily structures and processes of human reproduction. (Connell,233) According to Connell,

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life is not about pleasure and choice but of procreating. Another important aspect to the
reproduction arena she refers to is the bodily contribution you have toward child bearing. Women
are the container that holds the baby and the male is what supplies the female with the necessities
of creating that child. Sexual behavior is then linked to reproduction as the highest priority.
Women being the one to actual carry the child, it might have been assumed that she should not be
promiscuous so that she did not have any unintended pregnancies or issues with paternity. This
has been carried into our subconscious thinking when we are socialized to know what sexual
behavior is accepted for our gender. All of these theories also have deep roots in patriarchy and
extenuate the amount of freedom and praise a male has in this society. Even though
contraceptives have advanced rapidly over the last 50 years, we are still worried about womens
bodies in this reproductive arena instead of thinking of them as sexual human beings.
It is noticed that women are to be with one man at a time and not to be permiscuous
unlike their male counterparts. Men are socialized to value sexual experience as where women
learn to emphasize commitment. (Lyons, 437) Men are looked highly upon the more sexual
encounters and partners they have had, versus women are supposed to be looking for one man to
settle down with, at least for that moment. The thought that is not explored much is, if men are
supposed to be so promiscuous, who are they having sexual encounters with? Either the women
they are having sex with are not talking about it, they are the deviant part of the group or they
are homosexual. This is an interesting double sword that most do not think about.
Having women being brought up to think about their wedding at very young ages and
imaging their prince charming creates the socialization that they should be destined to find this
one man in the end. Not many parents teach their young daughter that she is going to be dating
many different man and have her heart broken possibly multiple times. This also perpetuates the

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idea that young girls might not think that men are going to treat them badly or hurt them because
they will be her prince charming. This carries through to their teenage years when they start to
experiment and date boys. This can backlash on them when they think they have met their
prince charming but he treats her badly so she has to find another. By looking for her match
multiple times during her years, this might bring up the issue of the double standard and some
people might scrutinize her for being with multiple people, no matter what sexual behaviors she
is practicing.
In light of slut shaming, women do have a group that they can go to and not be judged.
This group is usually their close group of friends. Adolescents receive support and
reinforcement from their friends whose attitudes about sexuality are similar to their own.
(Lyons, 438) Their friends are the people they can turn to and talk about their sexual experiences
with. So, instead of their friends shaming their actions, they might actually praise it. This is good
for the mental stability of the person because if someone is just put down all of the time by
everyone in their life, their outlook will be pretty bleak. Having the close peer group supporting
the sexual decisions of the members allows women to rise above slut shaming and have more
confidence in their sexuality. This also allows adolescents to have a second opinion on their
actions and either agree or disagree with them. In this age group the young women value their
friends opinions very highly and might not be as close to their parents to talk about their sex
lives. Without the support of parents at home, the girls might feel lost about where they are
supposed to turn when they have these experiences and go to their close friends.
On the other hand, it was shown that friends liberal sexual attitudes and sexual behavior
of friends were positively related to the number of lifetime sex partners that they had. (Lyons,
443) This shows that even though having a small support group might end up making you think

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these decisions have little effect to your health. Having multiple sexual partners runs a risk to
that person for sexually transmitted diseases as well as contact with other terrible infections. The
support that is supposed to be helping fight against the double standard actually is hurting the
sexual health of people if they are not having safe sex with all of their partners. The peer group
that the women have might all be referencing off of experiences of their friends and not hard
facts they learned either in or out of school. Another issue of the peer group giving advice might
be that they do not have correct or no knowledge on how to have safe sexual interactions. This
includes correct condom usage, taking some sort of contraceptive, and getting tested for sexually
transmitted infections.
In talking about this topic, heteronormativity rings through. Most of the articles and
studies that are on this topic hold a preconceived notion that they are talking about heterosexual
people and that the females in the study are having sex with males and vice versa. This is
important to keep in consideration. I think that the field of studying gender and inequality is so
new, that it is easier for researchers and theorists to focus on heteronormativity than
homosexuality. This is a lens that we are socialized into thinking in. When you try to talk about
homosexuality, some of these inequalities are not apparent or they might have completely
different issues to be dealing with. The abundance of heteronormative studies and articles might
be because of the connection of heterosexuality with mens position of social dominance.
(Connell,237) So, there might be a mix of the patriarchal power that we have in our society that
coincides to us thinking in heteronormative ways. The LGBTQ community definitely has their
own struggles and inequalities that they are working on. This paper was specifically for the
heterosexual double standard in men and women, although seeing what double standards or
inequalities that the homosexual community has would be interesting.

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On the SUNY Fredonia campus, students have access to a few different services if they
find themselves facing this double standard. This means that either men or women that are upset
by what they are facing due to name calling or sexual inequality have different services they can
use. The counseling center would be a great place to start. The counselors there could talk about
why you are acting this way, give you tips on how to cope if people are harassing you about it,
and also help you understand your needs and yourself. This service is completely free and is
already paid for through the student fees each semester. Another service is the CEASE program
on campus. CEASE stands for Campus Education Awareness Support and Effect. This program
is run by Julie Besek in the counseling center. She is there to help victims of domestic, dating, or
other forms of sexual, verbal and emotional assault. In being sexually active, students could face
date rape, sexual assault or other types of harassment while engaging in a committed relationship
or in a hooking up relationship. She can provide emotional support and also refer you to other
services that she knows about locally. This is a very important issue that students can feel
comfortable using her as a resource when things dont go quite as planned. If the student is
worried about practicing safe sex, getting tested or learning about how to have safe sex, the
Fredonia campus has a club called FredASSIST. The Fredonia Association of Students for Safer
Intimacy and STI Testing is 100% student run and holds office hours and clinics. They have all
the supplies to keep the students safe in any type of sexual interaction they engage in. They have
a variety of male condoms, female condoms, dental dams and lube for free. They also sell
pregnancy tests, emergency contraception (plan B) and non-latex condoms. During clinics they
offer low cost STD testing, pap smears, birth control and other gynecological services. This is an
amazing resource for students because it is a judgment free zone and they can get all of their
protection basically for free and have access to low cost products in case they need them. When

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engaging in sexual activity students need to have many different options available to them to suit
their needs. SUNY Fredonia is a great campus that provides all of these services and hopefully
will continue their fight to be an advocate of safe sex amongst students.
These programs that are offered to students help with the issues they might face when
practicing deviant sexual behavior for their perceived gender and identity, but some students
would argue that the notion of just coping with the double standard is not enough, they must act
upon it. The best way to combat something you do not agree with is to protest against it. I think
that it would be a great idea to have the Womens Student Union on campus to partner up with
FredASSIST, the Counseling Center, and CEASE to have a night long advocacy night to help
break down the double standard between men and women when it comes to sexual behavior.
This could be held in the SUNY Fredonia steel hall field house and there would be different
speakers from each group and some of the Women and Gender studies staff could attend as well
and give their educational input about the matter. This event could raise money to go to a charity
for safe sex advocacy around the area. There could be small raffles and also each group could
have a table with information about the services they provide to the Fredonia student community.
This would raise awareness of the sexual inequality that young men and women face each day
and also advertise the services available to the students to keep them safe and healthy.
Therefore, in a heteronormative society, women are looked upon badly if they engage in
deviant sexual behavior such as multiple partners. Men are not as scrutinized when behaving in
the same way; they are even praised for the same behavior. To be a woman, one must take up
little space, look sexy, but not put out for anyone. This is a double edged sword for young
women who are in their teenage years. Young men are giving them attention and trying to have
sex with them because they are socialized to value sexual experiences in high numbers. The girls

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are taught to not have sex until married or settled in a committed relationship; so this presents a
problem. The young women either choose to save themselves or they have sex and might be
looked upon as deviant or a slut. One group that the young women have to console them is
their close friend group. Their friends can offer a reference of good behavior, even if it is seen
as deviant. For them to compare experiences would make them feel better about their choices
they are making if they are similar. Once these teens get into college, there are often many
groups and services offered on campus in order to have a healthy sex life. These services include
counseling, STD testing, possibly free condoms and other protection, and also a specific service
for sexual/domestic violence victims.

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Work Cited
Bartky, Sandra Lee. Foucault, Femininity, and the Modernization of Patriarchal Power.
Feminist Theory Reader. Ed. Carole R. McCann, Seung-kyung Kim. New York, 2010.
404-418. Print.
Connell, R.W. The Social Organization of Masculinity. Feminist Theory Reader. Ed. Carole R.
McCann, Seung-kyung Kim. New York, 2010. 232-243. Print.
Girordano, Peggy. Longmore, Monica. Lyons, Heidi. Manning, Wendy. Identity, Peer
Relationships, and Adolescent Girls Sexual Behavior: An Exploration of the
Contemporary Double Standard. Journal of Sex Research 45.5: 437-449. Web. 6 May.
2012.
Irigaray, Luce. The Sex Which is Not One. Feminist Theory Reader. Ed. Carole R. McCann,
Seung-kyung Kim. New York, 2010. 384-389. Print.