Drafts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Now that I created the world, I was very lonely and sad, but I had all the
company I needed. The animals are great, my angels are always kind and loving, but I
feel there is something missing, he thought as he looked at his creation of blue and
green. Henry, Im lonely, said God.
But you have all the company you could ever want and Its been like six days;
you shouldnt be lonely with the amount of angels to talk to alone, replied Henry.
Yeah but you guys are boring and I want... a different kind of company as well.
Well thanks a lot God, and what other kind of company could you possibly
want?
Well, Henry, I want something that would worship me to fill my ego, and is okay
if I do horrible things to them and still love and worship me the same way.
What kind of a stupid animal would do that?
God thought about this until he finally thought out loud, man.
What? Henry said, as God knelt in the mud. Now what are you doing? God
stayed silent as he worked the mud. Soon enough the mud formed a sculpted man.
That animal looks just like us. exclaimed Henry, what are you going to name
it?
Adam, God said.
God got close to the mud man and breathed into him. Suddenly the man opened
his eyes and took a deep breath.
Now tell me son, how do you feel? God asked.
Aaaaa, said the man.
Why wont you answer me, God proclaimed.

You realize that he has no comprehension of language right? Henry explained.

Mph, the man cried out.
Great now I have to spend years teaching him language, God pouted.
Uh, You know you could just zap language in-
Ok Adam this way, God said. Adam, at a loss, followed God, leaving the
facepalming Henry behind him.

Several years later God finally taught Adam language. Now how do you feel
Adam? asked God.
I feel lonely, Adam replied.
God thought about his answer until he thought, Ill make you a woman! Adam
gave a skeptical look but shrugged. Suddenly God had a knife in his hand and attacked
Adam. Luckily for Adam, Henry appeared in front of him.
What the hell are you doing God!
Really?
Too soon? Okay sorry, continue.
Im making a woman out of him.
So you attack him with a knife! Why?
I am going to take a rib from him and make the woman from there.
Why wouldnt you just zap her to existence... you already took the rib. Henry
looked over to a squealing and bloody Adam as God created the woman. Henry sighed.
Once Eve was made and Adam was healed all seemed well.

Now for my true plan, God said. He created one tree,the tree of knowledge.
What the Hell- I mean heck is this? Henry said.
I am making a forbidden tree of knowledge. God replied.
A what?
I am making a tree of amazing knowledge and telling them not to eat it.
Why?
I dont like the fact that everything is perfect. I need them to have knowledge so
they disobey or follow me so I can butcher at least a few of them.
What!
Nothing. God said, Oh, I almost forgot.
What?
I almost forgot the super sneaky, malicious snake that lives in the tree.
The confused Henry flew away and back to heaven after that. Leaving the
scheming God behind.

It was another beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and
everything was just perfect for Adam and Eve. As they were walking God manifested
himself in front of them with a kind smile and said, Hello Adam and Eve.
Holy shi- Adam and Eve yelled shocked before God covered their mouths
Two things, One, do not swear and two, the holy do not do that anyway.

Adam gave him a skeptical look and said, Then what is that smell? As he
sniffed the air. Meanwhile Eve ran away in quite a hurry. Where is she going? Adam
asked.
It doesnt matter, said God, Now hear me! There is a new tree in the garden,
carrying the most delicious nuts you will ever taste.
Ahh sweet, thanks God! Adam exclaimed.
I am telling you this because you cannot eat it, God said scolding him.
Why?
Because I am Fabulous- I mean mysterious! With that God abruptly shot in the
sky and disappeared.
God came up to heaven and admired its beauty that was only matched to Eden
with its rolling clouds and golden houses with the angels flying every which way. The
sight reminded him of his best friend and greatest enemy Lucifer. If only he obeyed me,
God thought as Henry flew toward him.
Why did you go without me? Henry asked.
You saw me? replied God.
I saw the whole thing, why are you doing this?
Im testing them, answered God.
You might as well put down light signs, a marching band walking and you
personally telling them to eat it the way you handled that situation.
What do you mean?
You are doing this whole reverse psychology on them that is basically forcing
them to eat the fruit. Thats not fair to them.

I work in mysterious ways Henry.

That reminds me. What were you going to say?
God got nervous and said, What do you mean?
I mean when you said, I am Fabulous. What does that mean?
Shut Up Henry! God yelled as he flew away. Henry was flabbergasted at what it
meant. Maybe one day I will know, he thought to himself.
Back on earth Adam and Eve were running around having an amazing time. I
bet I could beat you in a race! Adam bragged.
Youre on! Eve replied while taking it upon herself to get a head start.
Thats cheating!
You never put down any rules! Eve yelled back. Even with the head start Adam
easily passed her and soon was out of Eves sight. Too tired to go on she stopped.
Hey!
Eve looked around trying to find the source of the noise, but only finding the tree
God told Adam about. Looking at the tree she felt a weird feeling like she was being
watched until her eyes landed on the red glowing eyes of a snake.
Hey, the snake said, come over here. Seeing no reason not to she moved
closer to the talking snake to see what it had to say. You see these deez nuts? The
snake asked.
Yeah I see dose nuts. Eve said looking at the beautiful nuts.
Deez nuts are the best tasting nuts in the world... just an arm's length away, the
snake explained. Try some.
I dont know. God told us not to.

Why would he put it there in the first place and leave you alone with it unless he
wanted you to eat it? the snake reasoned.
Why wouldnt God just tell us to eat it?
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND EAT THE DAMN NUTS! Eve quickly popped
the nuts in her mouth and she was pleasantly surprised.
Thats when it hit her. She felt the wave of knowledge hit her and was amazed by
it all. Then she looked around and saw things clearer now.
How do you feel? the snake asked.
I feel tricked, like God used reverse psychology on me so that I would disobey
him so he can have an excuse to make us feel bad to- she was stopped mid sentence
as God froze time.
He studied her and thought, She is too smart, and took away some of her
knowledge and restarted time again.
to... to Eve struggled to say.
To what? The snake asked
I just lost it. It probably doesnt matter anyway. Eve concluded. I should share
this with Adam. she grabbed an extra nut and ran off to find Adam.

As Eve went back out to find Adam she finally got hit with the world--it was
enormous and beautiful--and came to appreciate the wonder the world is. She walked
and studied every creature in the garden that she could find and if she died then and

there, she would have lived a full life. However her fulfilment only lasted a little while
before Adam made her come crashing back to reality.
After literally crashing into her, Adam smiled down at Eve.
There you are. I looked everywhere for you and that reminds me, he stood up
and pointed at her saying, Haha I beat you.
Are you sure, maybe I passed you without you noticing and I was just walking to
let you catch up. Eve smiled at her cleverness and Adams inexperience.
Never thought of that but all that fu- I-I I mean all that dang running sure makes
a man hungry. You have anything on you? Adam asked.
Eve smiled and answered with the nut. I got this if you want it. Adam took it with
a quick thanks and began eating. Eve then studied Adam and began to realize the full
extent of her now unholy mind as she looked at him from top to bottom. Aside from the
unholy thoughts, she saw his face change from blissfulness to an incredible amount of
awareness. How do you feel?
Adam looked at her from top to bottom and whispered, I want that booty.
What was that?
Nothing, I was just amazed by everything. I see things so differently now. he
exclaimed. I have one question. Did you take it from where I think you took it from?
Eve froze and said, Nooooooo, why would I ever do thaaaat?
Adam looked suspicious and then smiled. You're a terrible liar Eve. Eve looked
down in shame. How are we gonna get out of this mess?
Eve thought then said, Well, since God knows all we should probably tell the
truth... stopping mid-sentence as time froze and God looked at them.

I made them too smart again, God said tiredly as he took some more
intelligence from the pair. Once his task was completed, he shot back up to the heavens
and unfroze time.
... then again, God can probably be tricked easily, Eve finished.
Yeah, hell never suspect a thing... but you should leave the talking to me.
Eve blushed and replied, Hey, Im not that bad of a liar.

The next day God decided to visit them. However, this time he did not suddenly
appear in front of them and scaring them like last time. This time he walked up to them
so they knew he was coming.
Hello Adam and Eve, He called to them.
They turned and smiled as they jogged up to them. Hi God, hi Henry, They said.
God gave a surprised look and turned to see that Henry tagged along. What are
you doing here Henry, God whispered.