08 Aperture Science Enrichment Center Volunteer Application Form

Notes
Subject Name

Subject Hometown

Hello.

Thank you for expressing interest in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center testing program. By completing
this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecified experimental testing
scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun,
and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death.

As part of a required protocol, we must advise you of the following hazardous conditions:
• The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inani-
mate objects as alive, and hallucinations.
• To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
• Avoid contact with any Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill as it may result in partial vaporiza-
tion.

At this time the Enrichment Center would like to alert you that in certain testing scenarios you may be
assigned an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany
you through your test. Please take care of it. Certain protocols render your Companion Cube indispensable,
as it will assist in various requisite tasks. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to warn you
that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact can not speak. In the event that the
Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Upon completion of
given tasks you may be required to dispose of your Companion Cube in an Aperture Science Emergency
Intelligence Incinerator. Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment
Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion
Cube euthanizing process. Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture
Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. If it could
talk, and the Aperture Science Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it can not, it
would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.

As part of a required test protocol we will not monitor the test. You will be entirely on your own. Good Luck.

Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. The enrichment center apologizes
for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

 Application Questionnaire for the
Form 2873
(Rev. December 1995)
Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Aperture Laboratories
Please answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Part I Identification of Applicant

1 Name 2 Badge ID

Part II Questionnaire
1. It is important to consult a physician before 5. What is your current living situation? 15. Which pre-Christian mathematician is not
starting an Aperture Science Enrichment Live Alone correctly matched to his home city?
Center Program. If one or more of the Thales of Miletus
Live With Roommate(s)
statements listed below applies to you, Anaximander of Miletus
please contact your supervisor to secure Live With Kids
Live With Parents Pythagoras of Samos
permission to consult a physician before
beginning an Enrichment Center program. Anaximenes of Miletus
6. Do you requre jewelry for any health
Pick the condition that most applies to you. Cleostratus of Tenedos
reasons?
Anaxagoras of Clazomenae
dizziness Yes No Zeno of Elea
shortness of breath
7. Do you requre socks to be a part of your Antiphon of Rhamnos
problems waking up in the morning
uniform? Oenopides of Chios
problems staying up 48 hours straight
Yes No Hippocrates of Chios
have not previously performed an
Hippias of Elis
enrichment center program 8. Do you prefer long or short sleeves? Theodorus of Cyrene
2. Sally, Dwayne, Anthony, David, and Franklin Long Sleeves Short Sleeves Philolaus of Croton
are, collectively, exactly 10 years apart in Sleeveless / Shirtless Democritus of Abdera
age. Sally's is two years older than David. No Preference Hippasus of Metapontum
David's favorite letter is 'g'. Anthony's Archytas of Tarentum
favorite letter is also 'g', but Dwayne has no 9. Does your illness prevent you from
working? Theaetetus of Athens
preference, insisting that he likes all the
letters equally except for 's'. What is Yes No Leodamas of Thasos
Franklin's favorite letter? Eudoxus of Cnidos
10. Not including periods of mandatory Callipus of Cyzicus
silence, what is the longest you have gone Xenocrates of Chalcedon
voluntarily without talking?
Heraclides of Pontus
3. Which of the following best describes your 1 Day Bryson of Heraclea
pain? 2–6 Days Theudius of Magnesia
Nondescript 7–14 Days Eudemus of Rhodes
Shooting 14–30 Days Autolycus of Pitane
Stabbing 30–90 Days Aristarchus of Samos
Burning 90 Days – 6 Months Archimedes of Syracuse
6 Months – 1 Year Philo of Byzantium
Prickly
Greater Than 1 Year Nicoteles of Cyrene
Aching
11. Do you requre music to perform simple Eratosthenes of Cyrene
Sharp
tasks? Conon of Samos
Dull
Yes No Apollonius of Perga
Dositheus of Alexandria
4. How do others describe your education? 12. Are you plagued by suspicions that other Dionysodorus of Amisus
Nursery School people, including coworkers and relatives,
Diocles of Carystus
may be doing things behind your back that
Grade School Hypsicles of Alexandria
will hurt you?
Junior High Hipparchus of Nicaea
Yes No
High School Zeno of Sidon
Some College 13. What is your favorite meal? Geminus of Rhodes
Associates Degree Lunch Dinner 16. Complete this sentence,
Bachelors 14. A cake can be sliced into more than seven
Graduate Degree pieces by making only four diameter cuts
PhD / Post-Doctoral through its center.
None True False
 Application Questionnaire for the
Form 2873
(Rev. December 1995)
Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Aperture Laboratories
Please answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Part II Questionnaire (continued)

17. Please choose the description that best 19. Have you experienced recurrent thoughts 29. What is your favorite color?
describes your personality: of regicide?
Peach-orange
Childish Conceitful Yes No
Linen
Oafish Scornful 20. If you answered 'yes' to the previous Dark goldenrod
Stolid Boastful question, please rate the following Pumpkin
Timid Sleepy statement: I know what 'regicide' means. Zinnwaldite
Reserved Stable
Strongly Disagree Lavender Blush
18. Which interrogation technique do you Disagree Midnight Blue
think would be most effective on you? Agree Amber
Going Next Door Strongly Agree Pale red-violet
Nobody Loves You N/A Pale chestnut
The All-Seeing Eye 21. You are a liar: Bondi Blue
The Barbering Curriculum Gamboge
Can’t Honestly Disagree Steel blue
The Informer Agree
News from Home Tangerine
Strongly Agree Seashell
The Witness
Joint Suspects 22. Can you flash your ROM? Pale pink
The Big Bang Yes No Dark turquoise
Pearls Before Swine Pale cornflower blue
23. Do you feel bad that you have let your Denim
Chicken Button coworkers and/or larger mandated
Death Eats a Sandwich Burnt Sienna
collective down?
Hammerhead Pear
Yes No Orangatan Red
Pain
Fried Hole Chestnut
24. Pick the sentence that incorrectly employs
Hangri-La the word 'excruciating'. Dark Tea Green
Ivan Is a Dope Dark salmon
The test caused excruciating pain.
Joint Interrogators Dark tan
The participant felt excruciating pain.
Law of Partial Pressure Pine Green
I like to eat cake while excruciating.
The Spinoza Ochre
25. Are you functionally incapacitated by Klein Blue
Gospel Shark
witnessing other people's misery? Pale Sandy Brown
Cloud Cuckoo Land
The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing Yes No Dark Terra cotta
Good Cop / Ventriloquist Cop 26. Do you get pleasure from solitary pursuits? Safety Orange
Alice in Wonderland Coral
Yes No
Monster Polygraph Scarlet
Confession is Good for the Soul 27. What is your favorite flatware for, purely Bistre
as an example, eating cake? Cerulean blue
Silver Tongued Devil
Deep Sea Diver Spoon Banquet Fork Dodger blue
Pay The Piper Fork Serving Fork Violet-eggplant
Federal Bikini Inspector Salad Fork Fish Fork Amethyst
Big Wig Meat Fork Table Fork Ultramarine
Carlsbad Caverns Cocktail Fork Pastry Fork Fuchsia
The Boy Who Cried Dessert Fork Knife Chocolate
Goonland Sea Green
28. What is your favorite number between 31
Role-Role Theory and 37? Pastel pink
Zipf's Law Persian blue
31
Stream of Unconsciousness Mountbatten pink
32 Pale carmine
Flash in the Pan 33
The Little Bird Bright green
34 Gray-Tea Green
Welcome to Bethany 35
Ampere's Rule Pale brown
36 Lavender
The Dental Assistant 37
 Application Questionnaire for the
Form 2873
(Rev. December 1995)
Aperture Science Enrichment Center
Aperture Laboratories
Please answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Part II Questionnaire (continued)

30. Do you trust yourself? 37. Pick your favorite type of cake: 38. On a scale of 12 to 11, with the 12 possible
Yes No choices arranged as on the face of a clock,
Angel food cake how would you rate your awareness of any
31. How often do you exercise? Apple cake habitual physical mannerisms such as
Battenburg cake tugging your ear or hair, eye twitches,
Every Day Monthly
Black Forest cake hand spasms, etc.?
Every Other Day Yearly
Buccellato 12
Twice Weekly Every Few Years
Bundt cake 1
Weekly Once a Decade
Butter cake 2
Twice a Month Once
Butterfly cake 3
32. If you disappeared tomorrow would Carrot cake
anyone miss you? 4
Cheesecake 5
Yes No Chocolate cake 6
33. Do you feel depressed, guilty, or remorse- Chiffon cake 7
ful? Croquembouche 8
Yes No Cupcake 9
Date and walnut loaf 10
34. Do you ever have feelings that people are Devil's food cake
talking about you or watching you? 11
Eccles cake
Yes No Fairy cake 39. First Pet’s Name:
35. Rate the pain you have been able to Fifteens
withstand without losing consciousness: Fruit cake
1 – Slight Pain Sponge cake
40. Do you regularly experience déjà vu?
2 Génoise Cake
Gingerbread Yes No
3
4 Gooey butter cake 41. Choose the correct inspiration for this
5 – Regular Pain Honey cake inspirational phrase, “You can succeed
6 Hot milk cake best and quickest by going it alone.”
7 Hummingbird cake
Purpose
8 Ice cream cake
Patience
9 Jaffa Cakes
Success
10 – Worst Pain Imaginable Suncake
Endurance
Mooncake
36. Complete the following statement with the Courage
Pancake
answer that DOES NOT apply to you: Teamwork
Panettone
I am often Petit fours 42. I express my opinions, even if others in the
worried that life is vague and unreal. Pineapple Upside Down Cake group disagree with me:
suspicious of the actions of others. Pound cake Almost never
prejudiced in favor of my own depart- Queen Elizabeth cake Rarely
ment, lab, product, skin color, etc. Red velvet cake Sometimes
convinced that nobody really cares about Rhubarb cake Quite often
me. Sachertorte Most of the time
disturbed by the noise of the wind. Simnel cake
enraged by the petty foibles of those Spice cake 43. Please acknowledge before submitting
around me. German chocolate cake your application: "I understand that my
irritated by my past failures and children. Stack cake responses to all items in this questionnaire
are the property of Aperture Science. As
too depressed to kill an animal or Tarte Tatin such, they will remain strictly confidential,
colleague in order to put it out of its Teacake though they may be used to distribute
pain. Tres leches cake prizes and/or initiate, prolong, or modify
convinced of the correctness of my Vanilla slice the invasive properties of authorized
opinions on subjects about which I am Vanilla Crazy Cake questioning, investigation, testing, and
not an expert. surveillance."
Victoria Sponge
speaking very slowly for no apparent
Wedding cake I have read all or most of the above.
reason.