Gelus: Hello. Allow us to introduce ourselves.

My name is Gelus, and were a

traveling improv group. Here, let me give you a demonstration. My men shall play a
group of drunken sailors, and youre a bunch of baby seals. Aaaand, go.

[Some murdering happens]

Gelus: Aaand, scene.

Mayor Moori: What do you want from us? Why are you slaughtering our people?
Gelus: Wellll, I was just in the area and I thought this would be a delightful place for
a summer home- What the f**k do you think Im here for?
Mayor Moori: Our trees?
Gelus: Nivalis, two or three more.
Nivalis: Two or three more?
Gelus: Two or three more.

[More murdering happens]

Gelus: Very good Nivalis. See? Why cant you be more like him, Algor?
Algor: Sorry Boss.
Gelus: Now, then, all kidding aside Wheres the Shard?
Mayor Moori: We dont have it.
Gelus: You know, Id be inclined to believe you if the last village mayor didnt say
the exact same thing Until we killed everyone and tortured the information out of
him, of course. Its the darndest thing, too Youre beginning to remind me a lot of
him.
Mayor Moori: Please. Do not be upset.
Gelus: Ohhh, I dont get upset. I have people to do that for me. Algor?
Algor: With gusto.

Warrior: Stop right there!

Gelus: Oh, look, more baby seals.
Warrior: Were here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people.
Gelus: Ninety-two
Warrior: This has gone on for too long. And now, youre going to pay.
Gelus: Three hundred and fifty-five
Warrior: We are We What are you?
Gelus: No, go on, continue, dont mind me.
Warrior: And We are the ones who will stop you.
Gelus: Ooh, wow, four hundred and nineteen.
Warrior: And... What the Hell are you doing?
Gelus: Oh, sorry, its a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so wearily
often, so Ive started keeping a mental list of how many times Ive hear certain
lines.
Warrior: You You insane bastard.
Gelus: One hundred and ninety.
Warrior: Yeah? Well, uh, were going to F**K YOUR FACE!
Gelus: Oh-oh, my! ....twelve.
Warrior: Hrrrh!
Gelus: Nivalis, give the command!
Nivalis: Algor, give the command!
Algor: Get em.

[a few minutes pass]

Nivalis: Sir, they seem to be stronger than we thought.

Gelus: Oh, how cute.

[explosion]

Algor: Kinda killin our guys.

Gelus: Oh, we have more of those things back at the base. Its not like were losing
anything valuable.

[Moori destroys the magical artifact]

Gelus: Huh-uggggggh.
Mayor Moori: Hah! Now you can no longer find the shards!
Gelus: Algor? Kill them.
Algor: Kay.
Warrior: Come on, bring it! Theres three of us, and one of you!
Algor: Man, you must suck at math even worse than me.
Warrior: What do you mean?
Algor: Theres only TWO of you.
Warrior: Thats not right- Gaaaaaah!

[ Warriors dies]

Gelus: Bravo, Algor! Now, seeing as we have no one left to threaten you with Oh,
wait, what are those adorable little things over there?
Mayor Moori: You wouldnt.
Gelus: Theyre just so cute, though! I could just pinch their little heads off. Are you
going to make me do that? Because at this point I could go both ways.

Nivalis: As could I, Lord Gelus.

Mayor Moori: Fine. Here. Take the Ball! And leave us be.
Gelus: Oh, just one more question. Could you point us in the direction of the next
village? You seem to have destroyed out Artifact.
Mayor Moori: That wasnt part of our deal!
Gelus: Annnd five hundred! Algor, show them what theyve won!

[Child murder happens]

Mayor Moori: You You killed my son!

Algor: Yeah, sorry about that. How bout I do you a favor? [Mooris Turn] There. Now
ya
wont miss him.
Gelus: Oh, and while youre at it, could you deal with the rest?
Algor: I really do love kids. They dont leave much of a mess.

[Adventurers are dragged away by wizard]

Tenor: I'm sorry, but at this point, all I hear is, "Hit me Tenor! Please kill me! God,
this armor makes me look fat!"
Algor: That's it! [Charges in Tenor's direction]
Algor: Mouthy! Little! Prick!
Tenor: Where ya aimin', dugong?
Algor: Uggghhh!
Tenor: Uppsy-daisy! [pulls Algors arms behind her back]
Algor: Aaaaaah!
Tenor: Any last words, before I take you apart?
Algor: Ple-e-ase, don't kill me. I beg ya. Don't kill me-e-e!
Tenor: Look at you, Algor. You were always so damn proud. And now here you are,
crying like a woman.
Algor: I AM a woman!
Tenor: Wh- what?
Algor: I said I AM a woman.
Tenor: WHAT?!
Algor: I was considered the most beautiful - and fertile - woman on my home
mountain. Before Gelus blew it up.
Tenor: He tends to do that. Also....huugh!
Algor: So now you know the truth, Tenor.
Tenor: Yes, I do. And now I'm going to start repressing the truth! And the first step is
killing you.
Algor: W-w-wait! You and I, w-we could team up against Gelus, rule the island as
husband and wife.
Tenor: Repressing in 5 4 3 2 1

Tenor: Pansy!
Nivalis: Wha--? *they collide* Tenor! How dare you ram into me while Im thinking
about Lord Gelus and my thong!
Tenor: Yeah, just going to ignore that one entirely.
Nivalis: But it is a good thing I found you, Tenor. Now are you going to come quietly,
or do I have to make you scream?
Tenor: Oh, you mean like Algor?
Nivalis: Oh please. Never send a woman to do a mans job.

*fighting*

Tenor: Facedown with another man beating your ass! Is it Wednesday already
Nivalis?
Nivalis: Very cute, Tenor. But you have no idea what youre getting into.
Tenor: Ha! You have got to be kidding me! I may have lost to those fools, but since I
got here, Ive done nothing but slaughter you cretins! First Qui, then Algor. Im two
for three, and Im back on top.
Nivalis: Well, Tenor, I hope youve enjoyed being on top because Im about to put
you back on the bottom, where you belong. You see, Ive been hiding another side
of myself.
Tenor: Where, in the closet?
Nivalis: Now prepare yourself...for the beast within! I should warn you though; this
form is entirely different from me in every way. *transforms*
Nivalis monster: IMMA RAPE YOU, BITCH!
Tenor: To be perfectly honest, youre not that different, youre just a lot less subtle
about it OH MY GOD!
*Nivalis grabs and starts headbutting Tenor knocking him unconcious, Enter
Heroes!!*

*Second Encounter*
Nivalis: SO we meet again Tenor.
Tenor: Oh I thought I smelt body glitter.
Nivalis: Are you going to come along peacefully? or am I going to have to give you
another pounding?
Tenor: One time youve defeated me Nivalis, and thats one time too many!
Nivalis: Nothings changed, Tenor. The last time we fought you were barely alive
when I left your body.
Tenor: That reminds me. Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?
Nivalis: D-did I what?
Tenor: Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?
Nivalis: What? No! God no!
Tenor: Oh thank God, I jwait, what do you mean by that? Am I not good enough for
you?
Nivalis: All right, Tenor, Im going to be totally honest with you. This is sounding
really gay.
Tenor: What, I What are you
Nivalis: Not that theres anything wrong with that!
Tenor: Just Just transform, damn you.
Bulma: Were going to have a penthouse suite, and hell drive a Corvette, and well
make love every single KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Nivalis: Youve made a huge mistake Tenor! Now prepare to die!
*fighting*
Tenor: What was that, I couldnt hear you over that hole I made in your stomach!
Nivalis: But Tenor, please, just give me a chance. We could work together!
Tenor: Yeah, yeah, Ive heard that bit already. Now let me put this in a way youll
understand: Im about to blow my load all over your insides.