Awake!

The Day I Died

The phone is ringing inside me! I must be dreaming. I
sometimes can observe my own dreams while Im dreaming, and
if they're troublesome or frightening, I can even wake myself up.
After the third ring, the phone message plays, Hello, please leave
a message after the beep, and remember what it says in Romans
8:28, all things work together for your good if you love God.
That's my favorite verse of the Bible. Anyone who knows me,
knows that I'm always quoting that verse.
Then I hear my daughters voice, leaving a message! She is saying
that I am late picking up my granddaughter for school. I looked at
the clock somewhere inside me. Shes right, I am late. Im not
dreaming. It's true!
But I dont get out of bed to answer the message. I dont get out of
bed to call her back, to say Id overslept, would dress quickly, and
get there as soon as I could. I dont get out of bed. It's because I
cant get out of bed.
My wife, next to me in bed, heard the message and shakes me
roughly, saying, Bob, get up! That was Marge on the phone,
youre late picking up Lizzy; get up! But I dont stir. She shakes
me again and repeats herself, but I dont stir, and she knows
something is wrong! I usually awaken easily. She could feel a
coolness coming from my side of the bed.
She scrambles out of bed quickly; comes over to my side of
the bed, feels my heart, listens to my breathing; nothing. I was
cool! She's sure I am dead! She gasps! A rushing feeling in her
chest and stomach of anxiety and adrenaline; then she runs to the
telephone to call Marge.

I have no feelings or opinions now. I dont need them, it seems. I

am only an, observer, a bystander. I can see, not with my eyes, or
hear with my ears, but with an inner seeing and hearing. How
interesting. I know what is happening around me. I know whats
happening inside and outside of people.
The bedroom is silent and still for a long while. Then my wife
returns, begins fixing the covers around me, smooths my hair,
otherwise avoids touching me again. She moves and acts quietly,
strangely, respectfully, as she does in church. She makes her side
of the bed and tidies the bedroom. She gathers her clothes from
the closet and the dresser and then leaves. She's dressing in the
bathroom. All is very quiet in the house.
I go absent now.
Im somewhere else. Not exactly somewhere. Not sure if Im
anywhere! I know Im me, but different somehow, but not sure
just how Im different. I feel fine. None of my familiar aches and
morning discomforts. Don't need the bathroom. I am unaware of
my body. It just lies here. But I'm not confined to my body any
longer. My consciousness is free of my body and my brain.
Im still thinking and conscious. All is thinking, no, rather all is
knowing without thinking. Not the knowing I was used to though.
I know because I just know. Its hard to explain it to myself, and to
anyone else, if anyone else is listening. Is anyone listening to this?
What is this other thing I sense? I'm experiencing something, or;
perhaps I am the experience of something. Im full of something.
What is it? I cant name it just now, but its completely satisfying.
There is peace and tranquility in me and in everything. And there
is joy too. I never felt so good. I cant really call these feelings;
they seem more permanent and more profound than feelings. It's
as if I've become these things! I've become filled with joy, peace,
tranquility, rest.

I go back!
They are standing at the other end of the bedroom now, Lola
my wife, my daughter and Harold, her husband. They are still,
teary-eyed and sniffling quietly as they look in my direction and at
the men. The paramedics are lifting my body from the bed onto a
stretcher. Some firemen are helping them. Big strong men,
inflated by their uniforms and outfits and large soiled boots. I just
vacuumed the carpets yesterday.
I observe how unusual it seems to be handled this way. I
have no comments to make. I can contribute nothing to what
they're saying or doing. Don't turn that way, you'll hit the lamp.
No, I'm perfectly content. I'm completely at their mercy and their
handling of my body. I let myself yield to their care of me; that is,
my body! I feel so well, I could crack a joke, so that they might
lighten up and smile a bit.
All these somber strangers in my bedroom is very strange!
No one comes into the bedroom except my wife and I, and an
occasional grandchild. This is like the last time; the time I had a
chest on fire with pain, a massive heart attack. Resuscitated four
times! This time no pain, just a soft sinking sensation while I
slept, and my heart, having beat for over one billion times, beat
for the last time. I know theyll say, what a nice way to go, he
didnt feel any pain!
Twisting, turning through the rooms; down the outside stairs
to the ambulance Im carried. Im praying all the way, but without
words, and not because Im fearful. Im not fearful at all. I'm
actually very peaceful. I think Im praying because it seems like
the most natural thing to do now. Its a wordless praying that
continues no matter what else is going on. To call it praying seems
to trivialize it. It's more like I have become prayer. My being itself
is a continuous prayer now. Being spiritually alive itself is praying;
is worship; is thankfulness and praise. How interesting! I recall

those scripture words of Jesus that said. when you are praying,
do not engage in meaningless repetition,... your Father knows
what you need before you ask Him. It would have been good to
live like that more, when I was in limited time.
In lifted time I dont need words to pray. I dont need words
because Im already understood, already heard, I guess. Im
known already and everything happening to me. I know the One
because Im full of that something else. That wonderful, powerful,
completely fulfilling something. It must be the One!
Now I recall! Ive had this experience before during times of
prayer or meditation, but for very brief moments only. Its the
Holy One, I'm sure! But this time, its permanent. How interesting
this is going to be.
No loud siren, as the ambulance moves without haste toward
the hospital. A somewhat bumpy but painless (of course!)
ride, to the hospital morgue. Is that where Im going? Never been
there before. Maybe it would have been good to have visited there
as preparation for today. I dont feel anything or have any opinion
about going there. I assume Ill be meeting some new people. Are
we people, or just corpses? Do we still call ourselves people?
I go absent!
I just used the word today. What day is it? My death day or
is it really my birthday? It's May, that much I remember. I was
born in May. May is a beautiful month. The sun is really warm for
the first time. Flowers coming up everywhere! There's floral
aromas in the air. And God's creatures come to life. I was actually
born on Mother's day. And I know the year. But all that
information is fading fast, like waking from and forgetting the
details of a dream. Was limited life a dream?

That filled experience of the One continues. I think the Holy

One is nearby, if that is an accurate way to put it. The One seems
to be everywhere! I didnt know that the One was the only One
and everything. But I should have realized that if I thought about
it. Nothing else is, except the One. Everything else exists in the
One and only because of the One. And the One is more than One!
The One is three in love! The Three loving One! The Trinity is
true; such a controversial issue in limited life. I surely dont
understand it. If I understand it better, Ill tell whoever is
listening? I feel compelled to communicate everything I'm
learning. Knowledge and truth is accumulating so fast. But can I
tell anyone anything? Is anyone listening to this?
I assume you are listening to this. Yes, You! I know this
because I can sense that what I'm saying is going somewhere. It's
being received. I can sense something happening in you! I have no
idea where you are or who you are. But I know my words are
somehow being received by you. In lifted time knowing and
speaking are the same. Hearing and receiving are instantaneous. I
don't speak like I did in limited time; now my thinking is instantly
communicated.
I go back!
The morgue! Its just like Ive seen in pictures or movies;
sterile colorless, clean, very sanitary, smells of disinfectant. Well,
of course I mean an inner smelling. All my senses are interior.
There are four, or is it five, other visitors in the morgue
besides myself. It's hard to be sure for some reason. They slide me
onto a portable examination table. I know instantly that all the
people here are not having autopsies; we're going directly to
funeral homes. No need to cut us open and remove our insides
here. Nothing forensic! I prefer it that way. I still have an
attachment to my body in some way. It wasn't such a terrible body
in limited life. It didn't give me a lot of trouble like some other

people's bodies. Of course, I had to take ten pills every morning

for diabetes, heart disease, my thyroid, COPD, blood pressure,
and sinusitis. And I was overweight.
They all seem vaguely familiar. And they all seem related in
some way, but I cant imagine how. There's a guy named Oliver
and a woman named Vera, both around my age, 75. I don't know
how I immediately knew their names, but I do. Further to my
right is a man whose name is Colin, and to my far left, an eighteen
year old, named Joseph. Colin is around 30.
But there's another person in the morgue over in the corner.
It's strange that I don't know his or her name. Very silent; hasn't
said a word. I wonder why! The Silent one!
Were all covered up in white linen hospital shrouds. I
suppose, because we dont look so good, or out of respect for our
nudity. I forgot to mention that they have removed all my
clothing. That's an odd thing to happen. Yet, I dont feel anything
or have any opinion about it. For some reason I can't see my own
body. I was vain about my body when I was younger, especially
my hair, but I was not particularly fond of my body as I got older,
much less hair, so it's just as well I'm covered.
The paramedics leave, and its very, I mean very, quiet in
here now. You don't know quiet, how quiet it can be, till you're in
a morgue. Maybe it's out of respect for my arrival that no one
speaks. And, of course, no one's breathing either.
I go absent again!
Im with a large crowd of what I used to call people. But I
came to know, in the way you come to know everything when
youre absent and are present that people are referred to, as saints
or beloved ones. That's pronounced belov'd, as two syllables. All
these people! Surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.

Im known as saint Bob! Ha! Me, saint Bob? In my former

limited life, I would have been embarrassed to be called saint Bob.
Witness Bob, or Beloved Bob suits me better. But not now! I have
no opinion about it. It has nothing to do with me anyway, but with
the One Who is surrounded by the pure of heart. Its all about the
One Love loving us, and we loving Love.
These saints all around me! I see people wearing white
clothing only. I'm not sure it's really clothing. No, it's more like
vapor trails like jets make, but shaped like bodies. There is only
one color here. White! Various shades of white! Some white is
brilliant and blinding. Some rather dull! Some saints look
familiar, most are not. I guess I have lots of time to find out.
I go back again!
Oliver is crying in his spirit. He seems very distressed and
unhappy. I've already come to know that if youre unhappy when
youre absent, it means you cant be present to know the fulfilling
One. It means youve been given no hope beyond the limited life.
It means faith has not become sight. Oliver wants to go back to his
limited life because apparently that's all he knows. He didn't know
the One, when he was in limited life, and cant know the One now.
And since knowing the One is the only thing real about the lifted
life, Oliver is devoid of all meaning now.
Oliver was a wealthy man. He was a fine carpenter who
refinished old furniture at first, one piece at a time. Lovely pieces!
Decorated and colorful pieces, the kind you might display as
conversation pieces. Wealthy people bought them up. Then the
demand for his furniture became so great that he took in other
people to help him. And soon he had franchisees in three cities.
But Oliver was a driven man. He rarely took a vacation with
his wife, and paid little attention to his two children. Earning
money was his obsession. He went to church to please his wife

several times a year, but gave little thought to spiritual things. If

forced to give an answer, he called himself an agnostic. He
certainly didnt believe in the afterlife; we die and thats it, in the
ground you go, he would tell his children.
Hell is being unprepared for Heaven! Unprepared for the
One who is completely Love! The absence of Love! Ive come to
know that this is true for millions of people, even most religious
people, across all faiths, cults, and denominations. How selfdeceived and deceived we are; we were! I was also deceived for
much of my limited life. I'm not sure I finished the course in love.
Oh, I was very religious, but very deceived many times. So many
things distracted me away from awakening to the One thing
necessary. In the end we are all going to be judged by how Love
has filled our hearts and how love has filled our lives for others.
Everyone's life is essentially a story about love and the Love One.
Two men in dark suits have just entered the morgue. Im
sure theyre funeral men. The embalmers! They go over to Oliver
to wheel him out to the hearse transport. They dont know how
sad he is. They cant see him weeping. He's filled with distress and
fear!
I go absent!
I can only observe whats happening. I would like to feel bad
for Oliver, but I no longer have feelings like people in the limited
life. I feel I should feel bad for him for some reason, as if he
should mean something to me. But feelings don't operate here in
lifted life, because our spirits and souls are enthralled by that
fulfillment we experience. The One is everything and everywhere.
So I cant feel bad for Oliver. I can love him though, like the One
loves him, and I only know what the One knows, and the One
knows how often Oliver was lovingly called and invited to know
the One; the Eternal One; the Love One.

Now heres whats so interesting. Oliver is being shown all

the times in his limited life when the Holy One arranged for
people and events to open his heart to the truth. The moving
message he heard at the church service when his nephew was
killed in Iraq and his body was flown home. That day he cried and
his heart was softened. But he quickly buried those feelings and
got back to his compulsive work schedule.
Then there was the time his brother visited him when he was
terminally ill in the hospital. They spoke about times past, about
their parents and their childhood together in New Jersey. How
Oliver was a lonely child who had few friends. And the time he got
arrested for petty larceny. There was complete absence of
floccinaucinihilipilification. Huh?
The work of the Spirit of the One is done through whispered
and gentle callings or invitations; invitations to know the One.
The Spirit invites everyone. But apparently Oliver ignored the
invitations, or was too busy in his limited life to hear the callings.
This is what Ive come to know now. Oliver can no longer go back
to his limited life, nor can he ascend to the lifted life in the
Presence of the Eternal One.
I'm back!
Joseph, the young man, is agitated or excited; I'm not sure
which. He's addressing me. But I know Vera and Colin are
listening also. And maybe the silent one is listening also.
Joseph says he must tell someone what he now knows. He
speaks rapidly, excitedly; his words cannot be formed fast enough;
his perception outstrips his ability to communicate. He says he
wants to tell me what he is discovering when he's absent. We
listen attentively.

He says that in his limited life, there were so many questions

he had, and he had such a fear of death. Now that he has crossed
over (incidentally, Jews pass over, Christians cross over); now
that he has crossed over, he realizes that there was no need to fear
death, for to be absent is to be present to what is most real, the
Real One, who is completely fulfilling.
What wisdom this young man shows. I'm beginning to
understand that everyone who is absent to the present shares a
light which reveals the truth about everything. There is a great
deal of light when you are absent to the present. God is Light, and
in Him there is no darkness at all. It's called glory!
Beloved

Bob, says Joseph excitedly, did you know that

faith in the limited life was belief in what the senses and the mindboth limited then- could not experience or know, but which we
understood with limited light? That light, Joseph says, came
to us all the time and in very ordinary ways, in everyday things, if
we were open to receive it; for the Eternal One was constantly
speaking to us and drawing us to Himself. We live in the
foreground of our busy lives, and neglect the background.
Furthermore, he said, we live life forward, but understand it
backwards. What a sharp young man.
Of course he's right, I tell him. We both know that now much
better than then. And we know so much more. Amazing that such
a young man was such a truth seeker when he lived in the limited
life. That seeking of his, though he didn't know it then, was
initiated by the Holy One's Spirit in his heart.
Incidentally, I notice that there is not a peep out of the
unknown one over in the corner! Why doesn't he or she (not sure)
say something? I finally say, Sir, Miss; what's your name? Still
no answer!

I asked beloved Joseph if he too was having the experience of

complete fulfillment that I was experiencing. He said he knew it in
his own way. It sounded very different when he described it. I
wonder if we all experience the Holy One's presence in different
ways and degrees.
No sooner than I wondered about this, than I came to know
that when we cross over and are absent to the present, we know to
the degree that we were known by and knew the One in the
limited life. Some less than others, depending on the earnestness
and perseverance of our seeking. How long we lived the limited
life was not necessarily an advantage or disadvantage. A saint like
Joseph was a more diligent seeker in his short life than I was in
most of my lengthier life.
For many years I missed pursuing the one thing necessary.
And many of us get distracted by religion and church. Yes, I said
church. Augustine said, Many people belong to the church who
don't belong to God; and many belong to God who don't belong to
the church. And remember, spiritual time is very different from
chronological time. With the Lord a day is like a thousand years,
and a thousand years are like a day.
Spiritual life has to do with the way a person is being
transformed into God's perfect image. It's not about church going.
It's about the way God's Spirit changes us, with our consent and
openness to his work in us. It has to do with change in character;
the shifting of our lives from our selfish center to our center in
God. I'm realizing here in lifted time, that the degree to which God
became central in limited time in my life, is the degree to which I
can enjoy His Presence now. I'm not sure what that means for me
personally. They tell me that the Judgment will reveal everything.
Beloved Joseph is telling me about his death and his faith.
He spoke without emotion, like an objective reporter. He says that
he had his driver's license only ten months when a drunken

driver, driving at a fast speed, ran a red light and demolished his
car. The car tumbled over several times. Joseph bounced around
the inside of his car, sustaining many broken bones and brain
trauma, though he was wearing his seat belt. Now I notice the
deep concave area of his head, the displaced shoulder, and his
limp and misshapen arms and legs.
How traumatic the accident must have been. How awful for
his parents. He was in a coma for twelve days before he crossed
over. I'm glad I can only experience love, otherwise I might start
crying as I listen to his story about his devastated girlfriend; about
the high school vigil service that was held at the crash site.
Joseph also said that two years before he crossed over, he
happened to come upon a brochure called Steps to Christ, by an
Adventist author named Ellen White. He said that now he knows
that the Holy One placed it in his path, for it helped answer a lot
of questions about God, and stirred his faith in Christ. It was no
accident, he said. After hearing his story, we tell brother Joseph
that we love him.
I go absent!
That's interesting, I notice that when you're absent from
limited life, it's very comfortable to say that you love some one. In
my limited life that was very hard for me to say. Now, to love and
be loved, is the most natural; the only thing that makes any sense.
Love is everything here in the lifted life. I should have learned that
by now. Love is the deepest reality of our spiritual nature; and
here in lifted time, that's who and what we are. I guess you know
why!
Here in lifted life and time, love dominates. But very few
people are dominated by love in limited life. That included me! So
many other feelings and concerns dominated my life. Envy,
competition, pride, selfishness of many kinds, defensiveness,

worry, anger, lust, greed, many fears, quarrels, shame, envy,

judgmental, guilt, regret, many forms of hurt, bitterness; the list is
a long one. I look back and wonder if I loved at all. It is only
because of the Holy One's great kindness and mercy that I have
come to lifted life. I praise and thank You Holy One, and Your
Son, Jesus Christ. It was Your Son's sacrificial obedience that
allows so unworthy a person as myself to be called beloved.
I think of beloved Paul's list of the fruit of love: joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and selfcontrol. These are his descriptions of Christ's character. I ask
myself, how well did I live in these fruit of love? And now, in lifted
life, love is all. Love is everything. Saint John says, When He is
revealed, we shall be like Him. There's only the Three Loving
One. I'm afraid to meet Him. There is so much Love and joy and
forgiveness and kindness and mercy in the One; such great mercy.
Mercy upon mercy upon mercy!
I go back.
Men have come for Joseph. The rest of us are all silent with a
sort of reverent respect as Joseph leaves. We don't know what's
happening to the silent one, but Colin, Vera, and I fill the room
with love. Then we're amused and laugh when suddenly Joseph
says, See ya later guys! That broke the holy ice of our silence.
He's wheeled out.
Vera says, What a nice young man Joseph is. Yeah, Colin
and I say simultaneously. Colin sits up. Of course, his very
deformed body remains shrouded and prone. He begins to tell us
how he crossed over. I've noticed how completely open about
ourselves we become when we go absent. We have no hesitation
about sharing all our fears and shame and regrets we had on
earth, and know we will be loved and accepted no matter what we
reveal.

Colin was in the military and was deployed in a dangerous

spot in the Middle East. He is a marine, Semper Fi! While on
patrol, his Humvee was rocketed, and he and two of his buddies
were killed instantly. He's going to be buried with military honors,
but they're waiting for all his family to arrive before the funeral.
He has left behind a wife and two young children. Vera and I love
on him!
Colin described himself as a nominal Christian before he was
deployed overseas. But when he was there he got to know the
chaplain well, who gave him a New Testament. He said that the
gospel of John opened his mind and heart to God, and he began to
place faith in Jesus.
Colin said, I knew the word sin, but I frankly thought that it
was an anachronistic, meaningless idea, which only
fundamentalist churches made a big deal about. That is, until I
studied Johns gospel. Like everyone else I quickly learned the
famous John 3:16; but it was John 3:19-21 which really hit home
for me, especially verse 20.
It says, and the judgment is based on this fact: Gods light
came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the
light, for their actions were evil. Now heres verse 20: All who do
evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will
be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so

others can see that they are doing what God wants.
See, I was keeping a lot of sin hidden in my life, and I sure
didnt want it exposed. But when I read that verse, I was exposed
to myself as a sinful man.
For one thing I had been a rebellious kid who gave my
parents and my sister a hard time ever since I turned 16. I got into
drinking and drugs for a while which caused them a lot of grief. I
wish I could have apologized to them before my deployment. I

wish I could hear them say Im forgiven. And, even worse, that
verse exposed the truth that I had cheated on my wife once. No
one knew about that except God and the chaplain. I asked Gods
forgiveness and received it.
Confession comes easy in the lifted life. Actually everything
about ourselves is open to everyone else because we are with the
Holy One, with whom there is no hiding, no concealment; no
darkness. But since there is perfect love in lifted life, there is no
fear of shame or judgment. This is the first time I've ever been
able to look at people (saints) face to face, knowing everything
about them and they knowing everything about me, without
shame. It's part of the fulfillment of lifted life.
I understand now what beloved John once said: There is no
fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to
do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in
love.
And beloved Paul must have had intimations of the lifted life
when he said: Over all these virtues put on love, which binds
them all together in perfect unity.
Interesting! I never really understood those scriptures as
descriptions of future lifted life, when I was in limited time.
I go absent!
I'm realizing that this going back and forth is temporary.
Until my body has been completed in limited time by the funeral
men and women; whether buried or incinerated, I cannot be fully
released to the fullness of lifted life. Technically, if I can use that
word, I have left my body and I'm with the Lord. But I'm still
related to my body until it is put to rest. For now I'm in a
transition stage. I can be absent to the present only because I was
once sealed with the Spirit. The sealing of the Spirit is a guarantee

that I will enjoy the fullness of the lifted life, but not yet. Saint
Paul spoke of the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed
for the day of redemption.
There's a few other things I am learning about lifted life. I'm
told about some events that I will be experiencing in the future. I
say I'm told; what I mean is that the knowledge has somehow
come to me.
I'm told that I will see people from my past and will have
extended conversations with them teachers, friends, coworkers, childhood playmates, high school and college friends,
best friends, and especially family. All those who have crossed
over before me or after me. Even those people I left behind with
whom I had reconciliation work to do. I wonder what forgiveness
is going to be like with these people?
If I had been told this in limited life, I know that I would
have had all kinds of reservations and apprehensions. But being
absent in the present I am free of any opinions or feelings about it.
Remember love is the only reality here. There are no
recriminations, accusations, blaming, shaming, unpleasant
memories (thank You Lord), or need to explain or apologize. This
is what Heaven the fullest stage of lifted life - is like.
I'm told that we will have long deep talks with people we only
met casually on earth, and will have the joy of discovering that
every person is a loved child of God.
I'm told that we will not be able to talk to or influence anyone
on earth directly, but we can ask Jesus to send His Spirit or angels
to those on earth and intercede for them in such a way that they
may be helped or converted.
I'm told that we will appreciate like never before, the life and
death of Jesus Christ. In heaven, all the millions of saints will

celebrate his birth, life, death, resurrection and ascension, and the
gift of His Spirit. And that we will see every word that Jesus spoke
on earth as engraved in gold.
I'm learning that we will meet and speak with all the saints of
the Bible: Able, Enoch, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph. We will
meet the prophets. We will see Moses, David, Solomon, Saul,
Samuel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and all the other men and
women of the Old Testament. We will listen to the beloved saints
of the New Testament also; Mary and all the women who were
with the Lord. The apostles and disciples will be there. Peter,
John, James, Matthew, Luke, Mark, Stephen, Paul! We will ask
them about what they wrote and speak with them about all those
things we did not understand in our reading.
I think I just saw Martin Luther. There are many saints
gathered and listening to him. Theres Calvin and the Wesleys,
Jacob Boehm, John Henry Newman, John Knox, Kierkegaard,
Bonheoffer, Erasmus, Columbus, Copernicus, C.S. Lewis and his
wife Joy, Martin Luther King, Muggeridge. I just cant name them
all. And I cant wait to spend time with them.
So many well-known Catholic saints are here: Theresa the
little flower, mother Theresa, John Paul II, my most cherished
Francis Assisi, Anthony, John of the Cross, Ignatius; so many,
beyond counting.
Im told of Gods deep care and provision for the cherished
unborn who were aborted in life, and all the babies and children
who prematurely died in limited life. There is a special heavenly
mansion for all these children where their parents can comfort
them and love them, sing to them, and tell them about Jesus.
We will join chorus after chorus after chorus of choirs
singing all the beloved hymns we sang on earth. We will see our
pets that we loved so much, and all the animals of the earth, and

understand how God has cared for them both on earth and in
death. We will appreciate as never before the beauty of the earth
that was ours to enjoy; the mountains, canyons, meadows, lakes
and rivers, valleys, oceans, deserts, fields, the stars and planets of
the universe.
You may wonder about our bodies. Our bodies become dust,
but spiritual bodies replace them, which will reflect the age we
were when we crossed over, but all the illnesses, maladies,
discomforts, and medical conditions will be gone.
I go back!
Vera must have been a very mature Christian when she was
in limited time. There is a sweet, gentle, loving warmth about her.
No, she doesn't have a halo; no one does, but there is a kind of
spiritual glow about her. I think she really reflects the glory of
Christ.
She tells us that she is Catholic. After she raised her three
children and her husband Vincent died, she became active in
mission work with poor street children of Mexico. She and a
group of church members went to Mexico twice a year for six
weeks . There they lived at a Catholic mission house run by nuns
and priests near Monterrey Mexico. They began and ended each
day with morning and evening prayer, and during the day they
went out searching for orphaned, abandoned, homeless children
of which there were many bringing them food, clothing and
education. They taught them about Jesus and how to pray. She
did this for seven years, until her health made it too difficult.
Colin and I and the silent one listened intently to the stories
she tells of the children she befriended and how she helped
improve their lives. Some of those children still write to her. She
says she understands that she will be able to continue her work

with children in lifted life through her intercessory prayer for

them.
Just then two funeral men and a woman came into the room.
They came for Vera. I'm glad we got to hear her story. We say,
Goodbye, or rather, Goodbye for now. We know we'll be seeing
her again. It reminds me of when I was born again in my limited
life. One result of the new birth was that I wanted to share my
faith with others and wanted to be with others who shared my
faith. I know I wanted to spend more time with Vera, and I'm sure
that Colin does too.
Incidentally, I haven't forgotten the silent one over in the
corner! Every so often there is a movement.
I go absent!
I was thinking about what was happening to me in the last
several years of my limited life. I was thinking about the change I
experienced in my prayer life. I feel like the Father God was
preparing me for now.
I found that there is a time when the reality of God's active
presence in our lives need not be conscious. The existence and
reality of God doesn't need to be thought about with our minds or
brought to our conscious awareness. There is a time when we
don't have to speak to God with words any longer. His reality is
not dependent upon our recalling Him to mind or speaking to
Him in words.
This is what happened to me. I gave up conventional prayer
for the most part. For a while, this made me wonder if I was losing
my relationship with God. But I was convinced that this was God's
work in me. I think He was teaching me that we must inquire
deeply into our source to know the Source of our being.

This was confirmed one day when I read Romans 8:26-27:

The Holy Spirit prays to the Father for us with sounds that
cannot be put into words. The Father knows the hearts of men. He
knows what the Holy Spirit is thinking. The Holy Spirit prays for
(in) those who belong to Christ the way God wants Him to pray.
An intuitive relationship with the Triune God had developed;
one in which a subconscious, continuous, unbroken experience of
God was always felt to be in my spirit-heart. It seemed that
God's indwelling presence was always current and immediate. He
was always known by an underlying experience of filial
attachment and love between myself and the Father.
This comes about after a while, because Christ and I had
become one, incorporated, coherent and inseparable from each
other. Galatians 2:20 says, I have been crucified with Christ; and
it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which
I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved
me and gave Himself up for me.
And because Christ lives in me in the Spirit, so does the
Father. The Christian now exists and participates in the very love
life of the Triune God. Their mutual love for each other is a
glowing fire which never goes out; a living stream of water always
refreshing, pure and flowing.
Ephesians 1:3-5 says, Bless the God and Father of our Lord
Jesus Christ! He has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual
blessing that comes from heaven. The Father chose us in Christ to
be holy and blameless in His presence before the creation of the
world. The Father destined us to be his adopted children through
Jesus Christ because of his love for us.
This spiritual union and abiding reality in one another,
derives from both the Christian and from God. On the human
side, the Christian is engaged in a constant, sincere seeking,

hungering and desiring after more knowledge and intimate

closeness with God. And on the divine side, the Triune God,
desires to reveal and give His Love Self; that is, to imprint and
form His Son's image in the spirit heart of the Christian. The
result of this mutual human-divine drawing towards one another,
is an abiding contemplative communion and a loving union in the
life of the Christian. I believed that this was what the Spirit of God
was doing in my heart.
I go back!
Funeral people enter the morgue! They've come for Colin.
Like everyone else I've met since I crossed over, I have a love for
Colin. This pervasiveness of love is everything and in everyone.
Can you imagine what it's like to live a life dominated by nothing
else but love? No anger, no envy, no lust, no hatred or dislike for
anyone; everyone is met with patience, kindness, goodness,
humility, joy and peace. Love covers a multitude of sins, the Bible
says.
So here I am alone now in the morgue, waiting for my ride to
the Funeral Home. Everyone has gone to the funeral phase of life.
Then it's my turn. They'll prepare this old body for others to look
at. I already told my wife that I don't want a dress jacket and tie.
Just a nice shirt and a sleeveless sweater! I want my own Bible
with me, opened on my lap to Romans 8:28. I hope they can tuck
in my stomach a bit. I especially hope they comfort my dear
grandchildren. We love each other so much! My death could be
hard on them more than anyone else. They were the only people
in my limited life that saw me the way I wanted to be seen. They
didn't know all my faults and failings, or if they did, it didn't
matter. They just loved me! That's the kind of love I'm beginning
to experience when I'm in the upper spheres of heaven.
Wait a second, I forgot, I'm not alone! The silent one is still
here with me. The mystery person! Who is he or she? I think I'll

go over and try to have some conversation with him. See if I can
get him/her to talk!
But before I have a chance to say anything, the silent one is
coming over to me. The morgue is suddenly filled with blazing
light. A many stereo sound of magnificent music invades the
atmosphere. The walls, floor and ceiling are swept away. Im
standing or floating, suspended in midair. The Silent One, It,
keeps approaching!
Wait....no.....stop,

I shout. But the faceless one insistently

silently approaches me, bringing an even greater radiance of light
that is so penetrating and pure; it's like a fire...refining, sterilizing,
purging, purifying. Such a fire that I am painlessly being burned
away of all the dross in me which I never knew existed. The words,
a refiners fire comes to mind. Yes! Those words I know from
Malachai!
Who

can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand
when He appears? He is like a refiners fire and like fullers soap.
He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify
the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they
may present to the Lord offerings in righteousness.
I think of Pauls words: For no one can lay any foundation
other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone
builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood,
hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the
Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire
will test the quality of each persons work.
Do

not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one

sews, he also will reap. For the one who sews to his own flesh will
from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sews to the Spirit
will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

When

Christ your life appears, then you too, with him will
appear in glory. He will transform our lowly bodies so that they
will be like his glorious body. Now we are children of God, and
what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that
when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as
he is.
"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first
heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no
more sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down
from God out of heaven. I heard a great voice out of heaven
saying, Behold, the house of God is with men, and he will dwell
with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be
with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears
from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow,
nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former
things are passed away."
Then an alarming buzzing sound! He disappears; everything
disappears suddenly. They all disappear! How deeply I miss them;
my wife, my brother, my son, and my grandson! So hard to
awaken each day without them!
Im resisting the harsh reality thats taking over as my eyes
open. I see the bedside lamp and clock, the book and book
marker, my glasses. Im waking! I tap the alarm clock! The
buzzing stops. Its time! Time to get Lizzy! Im Awake!
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