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When Emmett Cullen Gets Bored

A/N; This is my first story, so I will take any advice and try to put it to good use.

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE TWILIGHT CHARACTERS!

(Bella is a human, and the wolves are NOT involved in this story.)

Chapter 1

EMMETT POV

Gosh, there’s never anything to do around here! Eddie Boy is


always playing his stupid piano, Jasper’s always being his emo self,
Pixie is shopping online (duh), Rosalie is being typical Rose and staring
at her beauty, and Bella’s watching tv. BORING!

“Emmett, how many times have I told you; STOP CALLING ME


EDDIE!” said Edward.

“I don’t know, six?” I answered. I really don’t care what he says.


He should stay out of my head if he doesn’t like it.

“Wish I could, wish I could…” he said. Hmmm, now what to do to


cure the boredom? Then Alice jumped in.

“Emmett that’s great!”


“What? I didn’t do anything?” I said.

“Everybody sit on the floor, now!” she screamed. What’s going


on?

“Dear God Alice, do we have to do this?” Eddie said.

“Yes. We’re playing Truth or Dare, the Cullen way.” She smirked
at Bella.

“Uhmm, Alice? What exactly is the Cullen way?” Bella said. Wow,
she sounds scared.

“Well Bella, since we don’t have to sleep we usually go all night,


doing crazy dares that most humans can’t. We’ll have to vamp it down
a little in case you choose dare, but trust me, this will be great!” Alice
said.

Bella looked at Eddie with questioning eyes. Heh, she needs his
permission do everything! GET A LIFE BELLA! HE’S NOT YOUR MASTER!

“It’s alright love, I won’t let anything happen to you. And


Emmett, shut the hell up!”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Grrr. He can be so grumpy. “Can


we get on with the game already?”

“Oooo! I wanna start!” Bella said. Jeez, where’d all this


enthusiasm come from?

“Alright Bella,” Alice said. “Pick your player.”

“Hmmm, Jazz? Truth ot dare?”

“Dare! Duh! Only babies pick truth,” he said. Bella blushed. She
was probably gunna pick truth…

“Alright, I dare you to run around Newton’s store screaming ‘I


JUST GOT LAID!!!!’” Nice one Bells.

“Pshhh, easy,” we all got up and went to the car. We parked the
car and all went into the store.

“HEY MIKE, GUESS WHAT? I DID SOMETHING YOU’LL NEVER DO!”


Jasper screamed.
“Yeah? And that is…?” Mike answered, attempting to sound
tough.

“I JUST GOT LAID! I JUST GOT LAID! I JUST GOT LAID! IN YOUR
FACE NEWTON!” Mike’s face dropped.

He mumbled under his breath, “All the Cullen’s are beating me


to it….” We were all laughing really hard, clutching our sides. Didn’t
see that one coming, did ya Newton?!

“Okay, Jazz, that was great. Let’s get back now,” Rose said.
When we got back it was Jazzy’s turn to pick.

“Let’s see… Eddie? Truth or Dare?” Jasper asked.

“Uhm, dare….. WHAT, NO! I’M NOT DOING THAT!” He screamed.

“Hey, how come he gets to call you Eddie and I can’t!?” I


screamed. That’s so unfair!

“Because Jasper’s not an IDIOT like you!” Humph, whata meanie.

“Wait, so what’s the dare?” Alice asked.

“Eddie Boy here has to go to the mall dressed like a girl and hit
on any guy or guys that I choose. Isn’t that right Edward?” Everyone
was laughing at Edward. Edward was glaring at Jasper. Jazz is probably
gunna loose an arm by the end of this game, hehehe. “Come on
everyone, to the mall!” We all got in the car, again. Once we got there
Eddie had to go buy a dress, wig, makeup, and heels. He came out of
the bathroom, and let me tell ya, it was a sight to see! Bella was on the
ground laughing.

That’s when Mike Newton walked by and saw Edward.


Unfortunately he didn’t know it was Eddie, so he went up to him and
said, “Hey there,” and winked. Edward’s face, priceless!

“Mike….that’s….Edward!” Bella managed to say in-between


laughs. Ew, I think mike just made a tinkle in his pants. Probably, cause
he just ran to the bathroom. He’s so dead in school on Monday. “Yea
he is Emmett. Jazz I can’t believe you’re making me do this!” Edward
said, stomping his foot on the ground like a 5 year old.

“A dare is a dare, gotta do it.” Jazz said, trying not to laugh. “now
go hit on that guy over there.” He pointed to a man in super skinny
jeans, a tight shirt, and pink shoes. Probably gay.
Edward went up to him and touched his hair. Weird. “Hi there, I
LOVE your hair,” and winked. The man’s face went blank and he ran
away. Okay, that’s a sight of Eddie I’ve never seen before. Everyone
was laughing their butts off on the floor.

“Okay, Eddie! Now that man!” He pointed to a guy who was


really chubby, eating a cupcake. Gross, human food!

“You’re so dead after this,” he mumbled so no human could


hear. He put on a big grin and went up to the man and said, “Hey,
you’d like my cupcake better. It’s nice and warm.” What I wouldn’t do
to see what that man was thinking. But then the man WINKED! He
freakin’ winked at Eddie! You could probably hear my laughter from
Canada!

EDWARD POV

“You’re so dead after this,” I mumbled so only vampires could


hear. I grinned and walked up to the man. “Hey, you’d like my cupcake
better. It’s nice and warm.” Gross! He just winked at me!
Wow, this gal’s HOT! Maybe I should get a piece of her cupcake…
Wow, why does everyone think I’m really a lady? Oh yeah, cause I’m
dressed like one. Before he could say, or think, anything else, I ran
away. “JAZZ I AM NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!”

“Fine, fine, I had my fun. Let’s get home.” Just when we were in
the car, Emmett started singing along with the radio.

Rah, rah, ah ah ah.


Roma, Roma-ma
GaGa oo-la-la
Want your bad romance!
Rah, rah, ah ah ah.
Roma, Roma-ma
GaGa oo-la-la
Want your bad romance!

I want your ugly, I want your disease.


I want your everything, as long as it’s free.
I want your love, love love love, I want your love.
I want your drama, the touch of your hand.
I want your leather studded kiss in the sand.
I want your love, love love love, I want your love.
You know that I want you,
And you know that I need you.
I want your bad, your bad romance.

Then of all people, Bella started singing with him!

I want your love and I want your revenge!


You and me could write a bad romance!
Ooooo!
I want your love and all your lover’s revenge!
You and me could write a bad romance!
Oooooooo, caught in a bad romance!
Oooooooo, caught in a bad romance!

“UGH SHUT UP!” I screamed. MAN that song is annoying!

“But I like that song!” Emmett screamed. “Yea me too!” Bella


backed him up. “Yea and it was just getting to the vertical stick part!”
Emmett said. Okay, awkward...

“I AIN’T GOT NO VERTICAL STICK! (A/N; my friends mom


screamed that when me and my friend were singing bad
romance. It was hilarious, I just had to put it in here!)” Rose
screamed. Again, awkward. Emmett started cracking up at that, “Nice
one Rosy!” “Thanks Emmy-Bear!”

“Gross,” I mumbled under my breath. I honestly can’t wait to get


home.

Once we got home, it was my turn. “Okay, Alice. Truth or dare?”

“DARE!” she said automatically.

“I dare you to wear this-“ I held up an outfit that includes a


baggy green shirt, ugly tights, a hoodie and worn out sneakers “- to
school on Monday!”

“What the hell, Edward! I’ll look like a hobo! I thought you loved
me!” she said. Her face looked pale. Well, paler than usual, you know
what I mean. She seriously looked like she just ate pizza and is about
to choke it back up.

“Hehe, a dare’s a dare,” I smirked.

“Nice one Edward,” Bella said and pecked me on the cheek.


“Okay, I’ll do my dare on Monday. Let’s continue with the rest of
the game now. Bella, truth or dare?” Bella’s face fell.

“D-dare,” she choked out.

“Okay, you can’t kiss Eddie Boy for the rest of the weekend, and
he can’t kiss you!” Alice is one evil little pixie, trying to get payback for
what she’s going to wear to school on Monday.

Bella’s jaw dropped, “Alice you’re such a devil! But fine, I’ll try.
But what if I slip?”

“I’ll think of something, trust me, I always do. And it looks like
you just might, but I’m not sure.” Alice said. Bella groaned, “You’re so
small for such a big nuisance.”

“Alright my turn. Emmett, truth or dare?” Of course he’s going to


pick dare. He says it’s the “manly” thing to do.

“DARE, DUH!” I knew it…

“Okay, I dare you to kiss Jazz for 3 minutes, with tongue.” I went
upstairs and came back down with my video camera, “Good one, love.”

“Okay, start….. NOW!” she set a timer for 3 minutes. Emmett


started making out with Jazz while I video taped. This is definitely going
on YouTube.

Then Jazz started sending out waves of lust to Emmett and he


got more intense. Yup, this is internet material. Wonder how many
views it’ll get... Geuss we’ll find out!

“Okay, and… STOP!” Bella said. That’s gotta be one of the most
disturbing things I’ve ever seen.

“I WILL NEVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN!” Emmett screamed.


“DITTO!” Jazz yelled.

“Okay, my turn. Rosy, truth or dare?” Emmett asked Rose.

“Well I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say truth.” Rose
said. That’s a shocker. Noone ever chooses truth. We even considered
changing the name to Dare with the Cullen’s. Whatever, her choice.
“Okay, Rose. Is it true that you only wanted to change me
because of my looks?” he wiggles his eyebrows.

Rose rolled her eyed, “Yea that’s part of it, I guess. My turn!
Edward, truth or dare?” Uh-oh…

“Dare!” I yelled.

“Alright. I dare you to go find Mike, walk up to him and scream


‘I’M BELLA’S BABY DADDY!’” Great, note the sarcasm.

“Simple enough. Let’s go look for Mike McSmallBalls,” Everyone


started laughing at this. But they didn’t know it was true. You tend to
get a glimpse while he’s in the bathroom through his thoughts. I
shuddered at the thought.

We started driving around, checking at his house, his store, the


mall, and finally tracked him down at Wal-Mart.

Hmm, better buy some condoms for when Bella finally realizes that I’m
way better than Cullen. Here they are, extra small… These should be
good!

Okay, that’s it. I’m glad I got this dare. I ran up to him and screamed,
“YOU WON’T NEED THOSE MIKE! CAUSE GUESS WHAT! I’M BELLA’S
BABY DADDY!” His face went blank. He looked like he was gunna puke
right in front of me.

NO, NO, NOO! This can’t be! He’s lying! I was supposed to be her baby
daddy! And we were supposed to grow up and have 10 kids and she
and I would—

I blocked him out right there. I chuckled and walked back to my


siblings and Bella. They were all rolling on the floor laughing at Mike’s
expression. That was pretty hilarious. “Alright, my turn. Jazz, truth or
dare?”

“Daaaaare!!!” he yelled.

“Okay, I dare you to find some tomato sauce, drink some, and
then choke it out in front of an employee!” I said.

“Ugh! You’re nasty. But, FINE, I’ll do it.” He couldn’t pass up and
opportunity to do something like this!
“This is gunna be great, I’ve never seen a vampire choke
something up, this should be good!” Bella started giggling, and I
joined. Jasper came to us with a jar of tomato sauce. Gross. I flinched
away from it. Jasper opened the jar, and started chugging. When he
was finished his face was priceless! He ran up to and employee and
screamed, “I THINK I’M GUNNA-“ but was cut off by him choking the
sauce back up right in front of the man. Bella and my family were in
hysterics. The man ran away screaming “BLOOD! HE COUGHED UP
BLOOD!”

“Uh, guys, I think we should go before he calls an ambulance. He


didn’t look too good,” Bella said.

“Yea, let’s go,” Alice said. We got back to the car, and ONCE
AGAIN, Emmett and Bella started singing, but this time without the
radio.

For those who don’t know me, I can get a bit crazy.
Have to get in my way,
24 hours a day,
Cause I’m hot like that.
Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention
Like I’m under inspection
I always get the 10s cause I’m built like that

I go through guys like money flyin’ out their hands


They try to tame me but they realize they can’t
And every tomorrow is a day I never planned
If you’re gunna be my man, understand;

I can’t be tamed, I can’t be saved,


I can’t be blamed. I can’t, I can’t
I can’t be tamed, I can’t be changed,
I can’t be saved, I can’t,
I can’t be tamed!

They started laughing. “Ugh can you guys like not sing for the
rest of the weekend? It’s getting on my nerves,” I screamed.

“Fine Mr. GrumpyPants!” Bella yelled at me.

We got home and it was about 10 PM. “Guys I’m going to bed
now. Night,” Bella said.
“Night,” everyone said in unison. I followed her up stairs after
she got changed and sung her lullaby to her until she fell into a deep
sleep.

“Edward,” she mumbled. It’s amazing how she still dreams about
me after all this time we’ve been together. And by the way she said my
name made it seem like it was a good dream. She snuggled in closer
into my chest and breathed out my name again. I’ll miss her sighing
my name in her sleep when she’s changed. I’ll have to make the
blushing and good dreams last while they can.

Chapter 2
BELLA POV
I woke up from a deep sleep with Edward by my side. “Good
morning, love,” he said. Will I never get over his beauty and his
charming voice? I already know the answer to that one; NO. “Good
morning,” I smiled at him, and he returned the smile, showing off his
dazzling white teeth. I leaned into him to kiss him, but then I
remember my dare. I pulled back and put a pillow over my face.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked.

“My dare. Remember?” stupid Alice and her dares. How am I


supposed to get through a whole nother day without kissing the Greek
god that’s lying down next to me with his arm around my waist?

“Ugh, right. At least you’ll be able to see her in that hobo outfit
tomorrow. That should be pretty amusing,” I chuckled at this.

“Yea, look at the bright side. I’m sure she’ll get dirty looks from
all the girls that see her,” I laughed and he joined in.

“I HEARD THAT!” Alice screamed from downstairs.

“DON’T CARE!” I screamed back. Me and Edward started


laughing again. His laugh is so beautiful…

“It is?” he asked.

“Crap, did I say that out loud?” I slapped my forehead with my


palm. “Well, anyway, yes it is,” he smirked.

“Glad you think so,” he said, still smirking. “Go take a shower,
and then we’ll get you some breakfast, love. By the way, your laugh is
beautiful, too,” he said.

I got up and took a shower. When I went downstairs there was a


stack of pancakes waiting for me on the table. I just remembered how
hungry I was. I didn’t eat dinner yesterday! Damn vampire’s non-
eating habits are rubbing off on me. I ate the pancakes within five
minutes and went to sit next to Edward on the couch as he put his arm
around my waist.

“Sooo, what should we do today?” Emmett asked.

“Another one of your fun games, Emmett? I don’t think so!” I


said.
“Awe, come on. How ‘bout we play spin the bottle? That should
be interesting,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Sure, why not?” Alice said.

“Whatever,” Rose said.

“I’m game,” Jazz said. Everyone looked at me and Edward.

“I’ll play if you play, love,” he said. “Fine,” I mumbled.

“Wooo!” Emmett exclaimed. “Here are the rules. Everybody sit in


a circle, Jazz get a bottle,” Emmett said. Jazz went into the kitchen and
came back with an empty glass Coke bottle. “Okay, now the first
person it lands on, you have to kiss for one minute, no tongue. The
second person it lands on, you kiss for 3 minutes without tongue. The
third person it lands on, you kiss for 5 minutes with tongue. And the
fourth person you can pretty much do whatever you want. Same rules
apply even if it’s boy-boy or girl-girl. The only exception is Bella can’t
kiss Edward and Edward can’t kiss Bella. Get it? Got it? Good! Let’s
start! Who first?”

“Me!” Alice screamed. She spun the Coke bottle and it landed on
me. Ewww. “Alright Bells let’s get this over with,” she crawled over to
me and kissed me for exactly one minute, no more, no less.

“Alice, let’s agree never to do that again!” I said. We shook


hands and then I spun the bottle. It landed on Rose. Jeez, couldn’t it at
least land on a guy? Sigh, guess not. I went over to Rose and we kissed
for approximately 3 minutes. It was her turn to spin the bottle and it
landed on me, of course.

“What the hell?” I screamed. “Alright Rose, come here. Em, set
the timer for 5 minutes. You ready, Rose?”

“Ew, no. but let’s just get it done.” She came over to me and we
started kissing with tongue. Of course Jasper, being the jerk that he is,
just had to send waves of lust over to me and Rosalie. We tangled our
fingers in eachother’s hair and Em started whistling. The timer finally
went off. I looked over at Edward to see that he had a pitched tent. I
started laughing so hard. Edward asked what was wrong and I just
screamed, “Edward, you have a tent in your pants!” he looked down
and hugged his knees to his chest so noone could see. Everyone was
laughing by this point at Edward. I could see that he was totally
embarrassed.
“Awe, Edward I’m sorry. Glad I turned you on, though,” he
winked at me and I just started laughing again. He out his arm around
my waist and we continued the game. I spun the bottle and it landed
on Jasper.

“Okay, since I get to do whatever I want, I’ll just do a small


peck.” I went over to him and pecked him on the lips. Even I found that
disgusting. I grimaced at the fact that I just kissed Jasper, and
shuddered. Gross. I went back under Edward’s arm.

“How was it, love?” he asked.

“Terrifying,” I replied. He chuckled at my answer as Jazz spun the


bottle. It landed on Edward.

“okay Eddie, here’s a chance I’ll never get. Bella, here’s the
video camera. I want you to video tape me and Edward making out,”
As he said this Edward’s eyes were wide with worry. Jazz started
laughing at his expression. I hit play on the recorder and said, “Alright
you can start.”

Jazz crawled over to Edward and started making out with him. It
was pretty hilarious and I started getting jealous when Jasper grabbed
Edward’s butt. Alice, Emmett, and Rose were on the floor laughing, but
I just kept glaring at Jasper. He gets to make out with my boyfriend and
I can’t. I sighed and said, “Okay, that’s enough! We get it Jazz, you
wanna prove your kissing skills to Eddie!” Everyone started laughing
and Jazz pulled away. Edward went over to the kitchen sink and started
spitting in it. I’m glad he didn’t enjoy it.

“How was it, love?” I did a poor impression of his voice.

“Terrifying,” he quoted me. Me and him laughed and I started


thinking about how beautiful his laugh was again.

I sighed and said, “I love you.”

He chuckled and said, “I love you, too.”

“Hey Jazz if you ever grab his butt again there will be hell to
pay,” I said angrily, folding my arms across my chest. He just laughed
and said, “Bring it.”
(A/N; I know you’re probably wondering what happens when Alice goes
to school with that hideous outfit, but I don’t feel like writing anymore,
so that will be in the next one if you want another one. Please
comment and give me any advice. Do you want more comedy, better
dares, anything! Thanks guys, I appreciate it! ♥ oh and btw; if you didn’t
know the songs, there bad romance by lady gaga and can’t be tamed by miley cyrus)

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