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Reporter (Eric Idle): Trading was crisp at the start of the day, with some brisk

business on the floor. Rubber hardened and string remained confident. Little bi
ts of tin consolidated, although biscuits sank after an early gain and stools re
mained anonymous. Armpits rallied well after a poor start. Nipples rose dramatic
ally during the morning but had declined by mid afternoon, while teeth clenched
and buttocks remained firm. Small dark furry things increased severely on the fl
oor, whilst rude jellies wobbled up and down and bounced against rising thighs w
hich had spread to all parts of the country by mid afternoon. After lunch, naugh
ty things dipped sharply, forcing giblets upwards with the nicky nacky noo. Ting
tang tong rankled dithely, little tipples pooped and poppy things went pong. Gi
bble gabble gobble went the rickety rackety roo...

From Monty Python--copyright is not mine, monologue extract to be used for stric
tly training and academic purposes.

- - -
From Jeeves--copyright is not mine, monologue extract to be used for strictly tr
aining and academic purposes.
Bertie: It's about time some publicly-spirited person told you where to get off.
The trouble with you, Spode, is that just because you've succeeded in convincin
g a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black s
horts, you think you're someone. You hear them shouting "Hail, Spode!" and you i
magine it's the voice of the people. That is where you make your bloomer. What t
he voice of the people is actually saying is, "Look at that frightful ass Spode
swanking about in footer bags! Did you ever in your life see such a perfect peri
sher?"
Bertie: [after insulting Spode] Spode, I know your secret!
Roderick Spode: Eh?
Bertie: I know all about...
[blanks]
Roderick Spode: You know all about what?
Bertie: Uh... Euphimol! Uh, uh... s
[as Spode advances menacingly, Bertie falls backward. Gussie smashes an oil pain
ting over Spode's head. Spode turns to Gussie, breathing fire, and Bertie smashe
s a vase on his head. They both flee the room. Outside, Jeeves watches, perplexe
d, as Gussie runs out, followed by Bertie]
Bertie: Eucalyptus!
[as Spode chases them down the hallway, Jeeves sighs and writes on a slip of pap
er]
Bertie: Euripedes! Eucharist! Europe! Euphonium? Uh, eu-, eu-, eu...
[as they run past Jeeves, he holds out the paper]
Bertie: Thank you!
[Spode corners them against a locked door]
Roderick Spode: Now...!
Bertie: [reads the slip] Eulalie!
_ _ _