You fuckin' nerds ever heard of a thing called Nagios?

You did, you know this is

some really good shit - open source monitoring tool, efficient, stable, fucking
helpful. Well, there's just this little fucking problem with Nagios - it was wr
itten by unaesthetic nerds like you, so it's fucking webGUI look like ancient cr
ap and sucks big balls. Not to mention shitty status map with fucking 4-color HG
A icons. It makes your so-called girlfriend with some vista and HD experience wa
nna yack up on a fucking screen. Well, she's not the one to blame.
Well boy, just don't fucking panic. Here we are, to serve you no-life motherfuck
er. First of all, download this icon pack for nagios, and place them in appriopr
iate folder (/usr/local/www/nagios/images/logos in FreeBSD for fucking example).
If you don't know how to bind icons to corresponding host on you map - then you
're a fucking moron.
Second, you have to download sources for Nagios (if you installed it from APT, P
KG or some other shit). The thing is that fucking Nagios draws status map as a o
ne fucking 256-color image. Thus, if you use multiple icons from that fancy pack
age, each one with different indexed pallete - your status map will look even wo
rse than before. So, after download, edit a file called statusmap.c in /cgi dire
ctory. Find a line:
map_image=gdImageCreate(canvas_width, canvas_height);
and fucking replace it with:
map_image=gdImageCreateTrueColor(canvas_width, canvas_height);
Below that, add the following line:
gdImageFill(map_image, 0, 0, 0xFFFFFF);
About ten lines below, there should be a line like this:
gdImageColorTransparent(map_image,color_white);
...be fucking extra sure it says color_white there. Now, replace these two lines
:
color_lightred=gdImageColorAllocate(map_image,215,175,175);
color_lightgreen=gdImageColorAllocate(map_image,210,255,215);
...with corresponding:
color_lightred=gdImageColorAllocate(map_image,255,228,228);
color_lightgreen=gdImageColorAllocate(map_image,217,255,224);
After saving changes, go to the root of nagios source dir and type in:
./configure
make cgis
If you encounter any problems with the compile process - fucking solve it. I'm n
ot a fucking babysitter. Be fucking sure you don't type make install - unless of
course you don't have Nagios already installed in your system.
After all, copy & overwrite statusmap.cgi in your Nagios /cgi-bin directory. Fuc
king done!