Christoph Schertler - NLP Confidence Builder

Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………….
.1
About NLP 2
The way to use this E-book 3
CHAPTER 1: The Wheel Of

Life…………………………………………...4
What is the Wheel of Life? 4
Wheel of Life Exercise Sheet 5
CHAPTER 2: Logical
Levels……………………………………………….7
What are Logical Levels? 7
Logical Levels close-up 9
How to use Logical Levels 13
Logical Level Ground Rules 14
Logical Level Exercise 15
Logical Level Alignment 41
Conclusion 44
CHAPTER 3: Setting And Achieving

Outcomes……………………….45
Introduction 45
NLP Strategy for Setting Outcomes 46
How to Set an Outcome 48
Outcome Exercise 55
CHAPTER 4: Resources……………………………………………………
62
Introduction 62
The New Behavior Generator 63
Circle Of Excellence 66
Reframing a Bad Experience 69
Conclusion 71
CHAPTER 5: Anchors And State

Management………………………..72
Anchors 72
State Management 76
State Management Exercise 77
Creating an Anchor 81
Conclusion 84
CHAPTER 6:
Beliefs…………………………………………………………
Introduction 85
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs 86
Thought Viruses 89
Guardian Beliefs 93
Belief Identification Exercise 94
Belief Change Exercise 100
Conclusion 109
CHAPTER 7:
Presuppositions…………………………………………….110
Introduction 110
NLP Presuppositions 112
NLP Presupposition Exercise 119
CONCLUSION…………………………………………………………………
121
RESOURCES………………………………………………………………….12
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Personal Empowerment Coaching presents:
The NLP Confidence

Builder
Dedicatio
n
This E-book is respectfully dedicated to my NLP teachers Robert Dilts, Judith DeLozier,
Suzi Smith, Ian McDermott and Jan Elfline, as well as the founders of NLP, Richard
WELCOME
Bandler and John TO THE NLP CONFIDENCE
Grinder.
B UILDER!
This E-book is a compilation of techniques, exercises, and concepts from the
field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which are designed to help you
build your level of confidence in a do-it-yourself manner. While you will boost your
confidence, you will also get some immediate relief from unwanted behaviors, lack of
motivation and focus, and limiting beliefs about yourself and others. Provided you
really apply the knowledge given in this E-book, that is. Yes, you will have to do
some work. Sorry, no free lunch here…
Each chapter deals with a different aspect of Self-Empowerment and contains

theoretical background as well as practical exercises. The E-book is written in a very
approachable way so that no former knowledge is required. If you want to know more
about the science behind the given exercises and techniques, please check the
references given at the end of each chapter.
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Copyright 2006 Personal Empowerment Coaching
ABOUT NLP
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), also called the “Science of Human
Excellence” is a wide and complex field of study, which started with the idea of
modeling excellence. Many exceptional human beings, such as Albert Einstein,
Leonardo DaVinci, Sigmund Freud, and Walt Disney were studied by NLP
researchers with the goal of finding a structure behind their success. What did these
geniuses do to be so successful where others failed? What strategies did they
employ to solve problems? What did they believe about others and themselves?
In its over 30 years of research, NLP has uncovered many fascinating aspects
of what accounts for human excellence and has developed many techniques that
allow us to replicate the success strategies of mankind’s most exceptional people. If
you are interested in NLP, go to the PEC Website (www.pecoaching.com) and sign
up for our free Ezine “NLP – The Secret Science of Self-Empowerment”. Also, check
out the booklist and links at the end of this e-book.
NLP and Confidence

Confidence has its roots in self-appreciation and faith in one’s abilities. Lack of
confidence is usually the result of negative beliefs about one’s identity and
capabilities or a sense of being undeserving or unworthy of succeeding or being
accepted by others.
NLP studies the structure of confidence as part of the secret of human excellence
and has developed many insights and practical exercises that help to overcome
limiting beliefs, weaken the disheartening effects of negative memories, develop
behavioral patterns for success, set and implement powerful goals, and develop a
healthy sense of self-worth and self-appreciation.
2
THE WAY TO USE THIS E-
BOOK
In an ideal world all people would have a personal coach and trainer to develop
confidence. Since this in not an ideal world I have designed the NLP Confidence
Builder to help you get the results you want, all by yourself. The quality of your
results will partly depend on:
1. How serious you are about making changes in your life.

2. Your ability to introspect and be honest with yourself.
3. How closely you follow the instructions given in this E-book.
For the best overall effect you should do the exercises and techniques in a
linear fashion, i.e. start at the beginning and finish at the end, even though each one
is beneficial in itself. Some of the techniques you might add to the repertoire of
strategies you use to cope with your daily life, and hopefully reap their empowering
benefits long after you have finished reading this E-book!
To get the most from the exercises, take some time off from other activities and
choose a location where you can be contemplative and are unlikely to be distracted.
You might want to do the exercises on a separate piece of paper; this will give you
more space to write down your answers. Also, feel free to write down any realization
that seems important to you, even if the exercise does not specifically ask for it. If it
means something to you, make a note of it. Ok, enough instructions, let’s get
started…
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Chapter 1
The Wheelof Life
WHAT IS THE WHEEL OF

L IFE?
Being confident requires a deeper understanding of what is going on in your
life. Being clear about your current situation is of great importance if you want to
make empowering plans for the future. For this purpose, I want you to take a closer
look at the different areas of your life and rate them. Are you ready to find out what
your Wheel of Life looks like?
INSTRUCTION
:Here is what I want you to do: There are eight sections in the Wheel of Life (see
next page). Assuming that the center of the wheel represents 0 and the outer edges
10, put a number on how satisfied you are with each area of your life by drawing a
straight or curved line to create a new outer edge (see example). The resulting new
perimeter is your wheel of life. Let’s assume for a moment this wheel was real. How
rough a ride would it be?
When you are ready, scroll down to the Exercise sheet and start on your wheel.
4
Wheel of Life Exercise Sheet:
5
AFTER COMPLETING THE WHEEL OF
L IFE
Ok, so there is your wheel. Take a good look at it and see what it tells you.
Which areas in you life are underdeveloped? Are there any connections between the
different segments? If so, in which way do they influence each other? For example, a
medium income job (Career) might lower your satisfaction in the dating department
(Significant Other/Romance) if you are accustomed to wining and dining your partner
in expensive restaurants and renting a luxury apartment downtown.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Which segments are the main sources of my wheel’s imbalance?
What could I do to raise your level of satisfaction in my low scoring segments?
What effect would improving the level of satisfaction in my low scoring

segments have on other segments?
Are there any significant inter-dependencies between the segments of my

wheel?
Write down anything that strikes you as important and come back to look at it
the next day, week, and month. You will notice that just being aware of your Wheel
of Life will in itself produce change over time, because your new awareness will
influence your daily choices. It will also serve as a basis for the following exercises.
What has this to do with building your confidence? NLP takes a wider approach
to creating confidence in people. No quick fix, but solid, effective transformation that
produces long-lasting confidence and happiness. To get where you want to go, you
first need to know where you are right now. Therefore, analyzing how balanced your
life is at the present moment lays the ground work for building confidence.
References:
The NLP Coach, McDermott, I., 2001.
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Chapter 2
Logical Levels
What are Logical

Levels?
INTRODUCTION
One of the most fascinating NLP concepts is that of Logical Levels. First
developed by Gregory Bateson and later refined by Robert Dilts, it is a powerful tool
for giving structure to who we are. It allows us to assess our level of inner balance,
our relationship with others, and can save us time and effort when attempting to
resolve conflicts. So, what exactly are Logical Levels?
NLP assumes that we experience life on six inter-connected levels:
Mission
Identity
Values & Beliefs
Capability
Behavior
Environment
These six levels are used to describe the different levels on which human
beings experience reality. Everyone is embedded in an environment, displays
behaviors, has capabilities, holds values and beliefs, has a sense of identity and
probably follows a higher mission in life, even if not fully aware of what it is.
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LOGICAL LEVEL ALIGNMENT LEADS TO
E XCELLENCE
NLP believes a key part of developing confidence is aligning our Logical
Levels. This might sound somewhat technical, but it simply means bringing your
mission, sense of identity, values & beliefs, capabilities, behavior and environment in
line with one another so they work together in harmony. This can be very useful, if
you want to create focus in your life and access your inner strength, creativity and
joy.
People who have their logical levels in alignment develop congruency, i.e. their
personal state of excellence, and as a result are very attractive to other people. You
might have met people like that and know what I am talking about. Being truly happy
with yourself and your life means being congruent. It is this congruence that makes
you confident.
It should be noted, that congruence is not generic. Everybody is congruent in his

or her own way. There is as many ways to be congruent as there are people in this
world. The only element that all congruent people have in common is the fact that
their logical levels are aligned.
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Logical Level Close-
Up
Let us take a closer look at each of the logical levels, starting from the bottom:
ENVIRONMENT
Environment is the logical level that relates to the places and people we
encounter in our private and professional lives. As a rule, the people in our lives
will have a greater impact on us than physical environments. Ergonomic furniture will
not improve your mood, if you don’t get along with your colleagues.
Physical conditions, such as safety and comfort are also typical issues relating to
our sense of environment, safety being the more important of the two. Furthermore,
environment plays a role in our sense of self, where we use it to express our
individuality (e.g. gardening, interior decoration, etc.).
BEHAVIOR
Behavior describes the things we do when we interact with people or
environments. Behavior is the level of single actions such as
Laughin
g
Shaking hands
Closing a door
It is interesting to note that the level of behavior is like a sort of vent for all the
other logical levels. Conflicts experienced on the levels of mission, identity, values
& beliefs, capability, and environment often express themselves as harmful and
irritating behavior.
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CAPABILIT
Y
Capability implies skill, i.e. behavior that is consistent, automatic, and often
habitual. A capability can also be described as a success strategy that is repeatable,
like writing a book, cooking a meal, or composing a song. Capabilities give a higher
meaning to single behaviors by arranging them strategically. For example, the
behaviors of digging, hammering, sawing and painting are combined under the
capability of building a house.
BELIEFS AND
V ALUES
Everybody has beliefs. Even “I don’t believe in anything” is a belief. Many of the
things we believe have been passed on to us through our culture and education
without us even being aware of it. When we express beliefs we tend to use “If…then”-
sentences or make statements like “I can’t.” Beliefs are mainly about what we think is
possible or impossible, true or false.
Values, on the other hand, are all about what we think is appropriate or
inappropriate. We often express our values by stating what should or shouldn’t be
done. When you find yourself being critical of other people’s behavior, it could mean
that one of your values has been violated. When our values are disrespected, we
tend to react very negatively.
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IDENTIT
Y
Who are you? There are many ways in which we define our identity. When we
start a sentence with “I am” there is a good chance we are talking about our identity.
“I am a good analyst”, “I am attractive”, “You are unreliable” are typical identity
statements. We all have a sense of identity, a sense of what makes us who we are.
Our sense of identity will usually have to do with
Our culture (Western, Asian, African, etc.)

Our physical attributes (tall, short, pretty, athletic, etc.)
Our social status (upper class, middle class, working class etc.)
Our talents (music, art, computers, etc.)
Our attitudes (hard working, tough, humorous, extroverted)
Our possessions (car, house, money, etc.)
What we think other people think of us
Identity relates to the sense you have of yourself, your values, beliefs, capabilities,
behavior, and environment. And it very much relates to your confidence level. Feeling
good about who you are is essential for being confident. Identity is one of the highest
and strongest logical levels and therefore very resilient and not easy to change.
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MISSION
This relates to our mission in life. It is the highest logical level and reaches deep
into the core of who we are. It goes beyond the realm of individuality and touches on
issues like spirituality, having a calling to do something, service to others, and so on.
Sometimes people are able to discover the main direction of their life by
looking at what they did during their childhood. As children, we tend to behave in
a way that supports our sense of mission without being aware of it. Later on we end
up doing what we enjoyed doing when we were young, just on a different scale.
Another way to find out what your mission is might be to ask yourself what you
would be willing to put your time and energy in, even if it did not pay you much
money. People tend to be passionate and idealistic about their mission, so money
usually is a side-factor.
Our sense of mission matters, because being out of touch with our mission
can lead to incongruence, i.e. internal conflict and resulting negative behaviors.
Having a strong sense of mission is important, because it is the “leader” that all the
other logical levels “follow”. The clearer your mission, the clearer your identity and
beliefs will be, which in turn will govern your capabilities and behavior and determine
the kind of environment you choose.
A strong sense of mission powerfully supports your confidence level in life.
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How to Use Logical
Levels
LOGICAL LEVELS CAN BE USED FOR SOLVING
P ROBLEMS
The main thing to keep in mind is that most problems (symptoms) arise on the
level of behavior, but have their roots (cause) on a different logical level.
Finding the level on which the cause is rooted is the key to making improvements.
Once you know where the conflict originates (e.g. identity or capability), you can
address it and thereby stop the harmful behavior.
Example:
A woman took medication for a period of 10 years for her heart condition. She
used to play tennis, but decided not to play any sport that would raise her pulse to
over 100 bpm, just to be safe from a heart attack. She had little confidence and felt
weak and helpless most of the time. As a result she lost touch with most of her
friends from the tennis club.
One day she read an article about how acupuncture could treat heart conditions and
decided to seek out an expert in that field. She was told that nothing was wrong with
her heart and that she didn’t need the medication she had been taking. She was
completely dumbfounded. After the woman got two more opinions from other doctors
and both confirmed that she didn’t need to take any medication, she decided to play
tennis again. She was surprised to see how her lack of confidence vanished bit by bit
until she was her full self again. And she filed a lawsuit against her old doctor!
The diagnosis of the first doctor lead her to form the belief: “I am sick and will die if I
play sports.” This belief translated into a new sense of identity, which sounded like: “I
am weak and helpless.” Eventually, she lost her confidence and started to behave
timid and unsocial. You see how the logical levels work hand in hand to bring about
doom or joy in your life.
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Logical Level Ground
Rules
The concept of Logical Levels is so powerful, because it covers all areas of being
human, yet remains easy to grasp and allows for effective conflict resolution. When
attempting to solve problems with the help of logical levels, consider these basic
ground rules.
Things you should know about Logical Levels:
Misleading Appearances: Difficulties experienced on the lower logical levels

(especially behavior, but also environment and capability) often have their
roots on the higher logical levels (values and beliefs, identity, mission).
Making Changes: The higher the logical level on which you make a change,
the more impact on the other logical levels and on your life in general. The
catch? The higher the level the harder it is to make a change! Making changes
in your environment (lowest logical level) is a lot easier than making changes
to your identity (second highest logical level).
Higher Logical Level Pitfall: People get more offended when rubbed the
wrong way on a higher logical level than on a lower logical level. Making
people feel that there is something wrong with their mission, sense of identity
or values and beliefs leads to resentment.
Logical Level Confusions: Many confrontations between people leave a

feeling of being attacked on an identity level. This usually happens when we
don’t pay attentions to our words. You should be careful when making a critical
comment about someone’s identity. When our sense of identity gets hurt, we
loose confidence.
Instead of saying “You are inconsiderate”, which is a statement about the

other person’s identity, try saying “I felt the way you handled this matter was
inconsiderate”, which is a statement about their behavior. Make it about what
14
they did, not who they are. People can handle criticism of their behavior a lot
better than criticism of their identity.
The general rule is: Praise on an identity level, criticize on a behavior

level.
Likewise, when someone criticizes you on an identity level (“You are…”),

receive it on a behavioral level. Tell yourself the other person is criticizing your
behavior, not who you are. This way you can spare yourself the disheartening
effects of an attack on your identity.
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Logical Levels
Exercise
HOW TO DO THIS
E
InXERCISE
the following section I ask you to answer some questions that are helpful for
creating a greater awareness of your Logical Levels and assessing to what degree
they are in alignment.
Some people have to first go through their lower levels before they can access their
higher ones. Take as much time as you need to answer each question and feel free
to change the order in which you answer them, if you don’t want to start with your
“mission”.
Mission
Your mission in life is the bigger game you are playing. It is what you do for a
greater cause, not just for yourself. It describes your relationship with the rest of
mankind, with our planet, and the universe. You might find it easier to discover what
your mission might be if you look at all the things you have done in your life out of
compassion or concern for others.
Look at times when you worked really hard at something, but it did not even
feel like work. Remember times when you fully engaged in a project without even
thinking about what was in it for you. Are you starting to get a glimpse of what your
mission in life could be?
16
To get a better sense of your mission, please complete the following
questions:
What gifts do you want to give to the world?
1.
2.
3.
(Feel free to add more points)
What do you want your legacy to be?
1.
2.
3.
What do you want written on your tombstone?
1.
2.
3.
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Some people have difficulty answering these questions. If you find it hard to get
in touch with your mission, don’t worry; you can always come back to this after you
completed the other logical levels. Since all the levels are interconnected, there is a
good chance that your mission will be clearer to you after you have taken a look at
your identity, values, beliefs, capabilities, behavior and environment.
IDENTIT
Y
How do you define yourself? Your identity, or sense of self, is a combination of
your past actions and achievements, your values and beliefs, what you think people
think about you, what you think about yourself, your possessions, and so on. For
some people this is a very complex mixture with many ingredients, for others it is very
straightforward.
We are very attached to our identity. We use our friends, family, country, job, skills,
house, car, physical appearance, clothes, hairstyles and so on, to define who we are.
We rely on our identity to function in society and make decisions about the things we
want more and less of, in our lives. We are easily offended and can become difficult
to get on with, when our identity is questioned.
To get a better sense of your identity, please complete the following sentences:
I am…
Proof:
I also am…
Proof:
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I am not…
Proof:
I definitely am not…
Proof:
I hope I never will be…
Way to make sure I never will be:
I wish I were…
To be that I would have to:
I guess I could be…
To be that I would have to:
People who like me think I am…
Proof:
People who don’t like me think I am…
Proof:
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Did you surprise yourself? Sometimes people get amazing revelations out of
answering identity questions. This is because our identity is such a central and
intimate part of us and also because we take many of our attributes for granted and
only realize we have them when being asked about them. Any change to how we see
ourselves, even if seemingly small and insignificant, can have a big impact on our
life.
BELIEFS &
VALUES
VALUES
What larger concepts matter to you? What do you consider right and wrong,
appropriate and inappropriate? Should people be allowed to smoke in public or not?
Should they come to work if they have a mild dose of the flu? Should men make the
first move in the dating game or is it ok for women to take the initiative? In order to
answer such questions, you will have to get in touch with your values.
Values are ever present in our daily lives, yet they are strangely invisible. Few
of us are conscious of our values while we are rushing through our busy schedules.
We usually find out about them, when they are violated. And we also find out about
how we react to that value violation right there and then.
Usually this kind of scenario ends in some form of embarrassment. A violation

of our values has the potential to compel us to act impulsively and without self-
control. Therefore it is wise to take a good look at our values and be clear about the
way they influence our choices and behavior.
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To get a better sense of your values please complete the following sentences:
My most important values (e.g. honesty, courage, having fun, etc…) in life
are…
1.
2.
3.
I know they are being violated, when … (e.g. I am being yelled at, lied to,
neglected, etc)…
1.
2.
3.
If my values are violated, I react in the following manner…
1.
2.
3.
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I know my values are being honored, when…
1.
2.
3.
If my values are being honored, I react in the following manner:
1.
2.
3.
In my opinion, the people I interact with in my professional life should be

more…
1.
2.
3.
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In my opinion, the people I interact with in my professional life should be
less…
1.
2.
3.
In my opinion, my friends should be more…
1.
2.
3.
In my opinion, my friends should be less…
1.
2.
3.
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In my opinion, my family should be more…
1.
2.
3.
In my opinion, my family should be less…
1.
2.
3.
In my opinion, ____________________________should be
more…
1.
2.
3.
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In my opinion, ___________________________ should be
less…
1.
2.
3.
Take a look at your answers and see how they make you feel. Remember, your
values drive your life in many ways; so knowing what they are and how they compel
you to act, can be very helpful. Awareness of your values gives you control and
choices when responding to challenges.
BELIEF
S
What we believe about others and ourselves has a paramount impact on how
we choose to live our life. There is literally no choice we make that is not influenced
by one of our beliefs. Values and beliefs are very similar, in that they both greatly
influence our behavior. They do so by defining what we deem possible (beliefs) and
acceptable (values).
To get a better sense of your beliefs, please complete the following sentences:
I believe that I am…
1.
2.
3.
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I believe that I am not…
1.
2.
3.
I believe that I can…
1.
2.
3.
I believe that I can’t…
1.
2.
3.
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I believe if I was [X] then… (replace X with an attribute of your choice)
1.
2.
3.
I believe that if I didn’t do [X] then … (replace X with an attribute of your choice)
1.
2.
3.
Beliefs that empower me:
1.
2.
3.
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Beliefs that limit me:
1.
2.
3.
Did you find out something interesting about yourself? The reason for asking
yourself questions about your values and beliefs is to build some awareness about
what drives your behavior. Changing your life will require you to change your
behavior, and changing your behavior will most likely require changing some of your
values and beliefs!
Ultimately, you will (most likely) have to deal with changes on all six of the
Logical Levels if you want to empower yourself. It sounds overwhelming, but it
actually can be a lot of fun, too. It helps if you have an attitude of openness to
change and allow yourself some time and space to grow.
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CAPABILIT
Y
Capability is a strategic combination of several behaviors, such as composing
a piece of music or cooking. The capabilities you have developed are connected to
your higher logical levels in that they tell a story about who you are, what you value
and believe, and what your mission in life is. Many of your capabilities are the result
of the choices you have made in life.
To get a better sense of your capabilities, please complete the following

sentences:
My most developed capabilities (skills) are:
1.
2.
3.
I am also very good at…
1.
2.
3.
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Beliefs that helped me acquire these capabilities
1.
2.
3.
Behaviors that helped me acquire these capabilities
1.
2.
3.
Environments that helped me acquire these capabilities
1.
2.
3.
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Even if you paid me, I would not want to learn how to…
1.
2.
3.
I would like to learn how to…
1.
2.
3.
I should learn how to…
1.
2.
3.
Are you satisfied with your capabilities? Would you like to improve and add to
them? Sometimes getting trained in the skills you lack can make all the difference.
What would you have to do to find out more about who can train you, when and at
what cost?
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Behavior
Behavior relates to single actions such as drinking coffee, getting out of bed,
laughing, listening to music and so on. Our behavior is what makes us visible to
others. While they cannot see our other logical levels directly, they can deduce what
they might look like by examining our behavior. And even we, ourselves, can learn
about our logical levels by analyzing our own behavior.
To get a better sense of your behaviors, please complete the following

sentences:
My everyday behaviors include:
1.
2.
3.
Some of my most peculiar behaviors include:
1.
2.
3.
32
Typical behaviors when I feel angry:
1.
2.
3.
Typical behaviors when I feel happy:
1.
2.
3.
Typical behaviors when I feel sad:
1.
2.
3.
33
Typical behaviors when I feel motivated:
1.
2.
3.
Typical behaviors when I feel lonely:
1.
2.
3.
Ways in which I behave when I like someone:
1.
2.
3.
34
Ways in which I behave when I don’t like someone:
1.
2.
3.
Ways in which I react when someone treats me unfairly:
1.
2.
3.
Ways in which I react when someone praises/flatters me:
1.
2.
3.
35
Ways in which I react when someone makes a request of me:
1.
2.
3.
Behaviors that have served me well:
1.
2.
3.
Behaviors that have brought me trouble:
1.
2.
3.
36
There are many more questions to ask about your behaviors, and if you can
think of a good one to ask yourself, by all means do so. The main purpose of
these questions is for you to discover patterns in your behaviors which help or hurt
you. Once you have discovered these patterns, you can start working on a strategy
to add, delete, strengthen, weaken, or alter your behaviors.
ENVIRONMENT
This is the last segment of the Logical Levels exercise. All the levels we have
already covered, translate into the choices you make about your environment. We
naturally choose environments that agree with our sense of identity, values & beliefs,
and so on.
Some people need constant action and love the bustling atmosphere of a big city
while others want to have more peace and quiet, nature and fresh air. Some like to
surround themselves with active and loud company while others prefer quiet and
peaceful company. And of course there is a lot in between those extremes!
To get a better sense of your environment, please complete the following

sentences:
What does your perfect environment
Look like:
1.
2.
3.
37
Sound like:
1.
2.
3.
Feel like:
1.
2.
3.
Smell like:
1.
2.
3.
38
Which of the environments you have encountered had a positive impact on
you? What did you like about them?
1.
2.
3.
Which of the environments you have encountered had a negative impact on

you? What was it you did not like about them?
1.
2.
3.
What kind of people do you like to surround yourself with?
1.
2.
3.
39
What kind of people do you avoid?
1.
2.
3.
Environment matters. Choosing an environment that agrees with you and offers you
the resources you need to perform well is important for your motivation, joy and
overall success in life. If you feel that your environment does not support you fully,
think about what changes you could make to it.
40
Logical Level
Alignment
INTRODUCTION
This almost completes the Logical Level exercise. In a final step, let’s take a look
at how well your logical levels are aligned. This time we are going to start from the
bottom (environment) and go all the way up (mission) to see how your logical levels
support each other. To do this, look at all the answers you have given to the above
questions.
FROM BOTTOM TO TOP
Environment supporting Behavior

How do the environments you live your life in support your behavior? In which
way does your environment strengthen or weaken your positive and negative
behaviors?
Behavior supporting Capabilities

How does your behavior support your capabilities? Do you behave in a manner
that helps you develop the capabilities you need in order to achieve your goals?
Capabilities supporting Values & Beliefs

How do your capabilities support your values and beliefs? Are you developing
and using capabilities that validate what you value and believe in? In what ways?
Values & Beliefs supporting Identity

How do your values and beliefs relate to your sense of self? Is who you are an
expression of what you value and believe?
Identity supporting Mission

How does your sense of self support your mission in life? Are you taking any
steps to leave some footprints in this world - footprints that carry the unique signature
of who you are?
41
FROM TOP TO BOTTOM
Mission supporting Identity

How does your mission in life influence your sense of self? How does it define
who you are?
Identity supporting Values & Beliefs

How does your sense of self support your values and beliefs? Does who you are
agree with what you value and believe in? How?
Values & Beliefs supporting Capabilities

How do your values and beliefs translate into capabilities? Have you learned
certain skills in life because of what you value and believe? Are you developing new
capabilities as a result of your values and beliefs?
Capabilities supporting Behavior

How have the capabilities you learned affected you behavior? Are there things
you do or don’t do because of the talents and skills you have?
Behavior supporting Environment

How does your behavior influence your environment? Does what you do have an
impact on the people and places you encounter every day? What kind of impact?
42
RANDOM CONNECTIONS BETWEEN LOGICAL
L EVELS
Any pair of logical levels can influence each other and analyzing those pairs
might give you insightful information about where you are in or out of
alignment.
Environment supporting Mission

Does your environment support your mission in life? If your mission is to ride a
horse sleigh to the North Pole, living in Southern California might not be a great idea.
Behavior supporting Values & Beliefs

Do you behave in a manner that honors your values and beliefs? If you value
interaction with others, you might not enjoy working on your own, instead of in a
team. If you believe too much sunlight is bad for you, why walk the dog at noon?
Capabilities supporting Identity

How are your identity and capabilities connected? Most of us answer a “What do
you do?” question with “I am a…” What we do for a living and who we are have
effectively merged into one. This can be challenging when we lose or change our job,
because we effectively lose our identity. Without a clear sense of identity we become
incongruent and people tend to keep their distance. So think about what you want to
base your sense of self on. If you feel all you are is what you do, you might want to
look for new ways of shaping your identity, like learning new skills, enjoying new
hobbies, etc.
43
CONCLUSION
You now have a better understanding of the underlying structure of your
confidence, or the lack of it. The answer to making changes and adjustments to
your level of confidence lies in aligning your logical levels so that they work hand in
hand with each other. What you are looking for is harmony and support between all 6
of your Logical Levels.
It might be a good idea to go through all your answers in a few days time to get
a sense of the bigger picture. Remember, the higher the level (identity, values and
beliefs), the harder the change is to make (usually) but the greater the impact on your
life and your level of confidence!
Awareness is the first step towards change, and change is what is needed to
move towards confidence. You want to become more confident? Analyze your
logical levels and look for patterns that are working against you – patterns that make
you dislike yourself, feel weak and undeserving. Then, change those patterns.
Just having done this exercise will produce change through new insights. In addition,
you can use all the techniques in this document to actively make the changes you
seek. The next chapters will help you to implement changes in different ways.
References:
Steps to an Ecology of the Mind, Bateson, G., 1972.
Changing Belief Systems with NLP, Dilts, R., 1990.
Visionary Leadership Skills, Dilts, R. 1996.
44
Chapter 3
Setting and Achieving
Outcomes
INTRODUCTION
So far we have looked at your present situation. Both the Wheel of Life and the
Logical Levels Exercises were meant to help you build some awareness about
yourself and how balanced your life is.
Since this E-book takes a holistic approach to building confidence, the next step will
focus on your goals, or outcomes, as they are called in NLP. Having inspiring goals
to pursuit is a wonderful way to build confidence.
45
NLP Strategy for Setting
Outcomes
STATE YOUR GOAL IN THE
P OSITIVE
NLP claims that stating a problem in the right way is the key to solving it. Most
people don’t realize that setting a goal like “I want to stop smoking” is likely to fail,
because it focuses on what we don’t want rather than on what we want. Our brains
get confused when asked to go after a goal that is stated in the negative. Rather,
focus on what you do want.
When trying to make changes it helps to focus on the outcome, rather than on
the problem. When you want to stop thinking about something negative, you cannot
do it by mere will power. You will end up thinking even more about it. The way to get
rid of a negative thought is to replace it with a positive one.
The same principle applies to solving your problems. Instead of getting stuck in
the problem, where things are impossible, fearful, negative, and tense, focus on the
outcome you would like to achieve. The situation looks a lot brighter when looked at
from the perspective of the outcome. So go after something you want to achieve or
have more of, rather than something you want to avoid or have less of.
Exercise:
1. Think of a problem you are struggling with and then ask yourself the Problem
Frame questions (see below). Notice how they make you feel.
2. Take the same problem and ask yourself the Outcome Frame questions.
Notice how they make you feel.
46
Problem Frame
Outcome Frame
What is your problem?

What do you want?
How long haveHow

youwill
hadyou
it? know when you have got it?
Whose fault isWhat

it? else will improve when you get it?
Who is to blame? What resources do you already have that

can help you achieve this outcome?
What is your worst experience with this What is something similar, which you did
problem? succeed in doing?
Why haven’t you

What
solved
is theit next
yet? step?
ACCESSING RESOURCES THROUGH OUTCOME

T HINKING
NLP assumes that everybody has the needed resources within themselves to
achieve a desired outcome, or they can create them. Achieving outcomes has a
lot to do with accessing those resources. It helps us to focus on outcome thinking,
because problem thinking keeps us away from resources,
Our western culture has a bias towards Problem Frame thinking. We are
accustomed to ask “What is wrong, who is to blame?” When you catch yourself
thinking in those patterns, switch to outcome thinking immediately.
47
How to Set an Outcome
(Goal)
STATE IN THE POSITIVE – WHAT DO I
W ANT?
“I want to stop being sarcastic”, or “I want to get rid of my bad temper” are not
outcomes. They are things you don’t want (expressed in the negative). Your mind is
like a computer. You can tell it what to do. However, it does not know how to process
negative statements, correctly.
You can tell your mind “I want to wake up at 5.46 pm tomorrow morning” and it
will do it for you. Try it. Negative orders such as “I want to stop smoking” do not work,
however. Rather say “I want to live a healthy life.”
If you have children you know the effect of telling them “Don’t do that!” It
seems like their mind eradicates the “don’t.” Setting an outcome in the negative is like
having directions to a place you don’t want to go to. It is like going to a supermarket
with a list of items you don’t want to purchase.
When you state an outcome in the negative, you will have to think about the
negative, every time you think about your outcome. “I want to stop my behavior
X” will put the focus on behavior X. You are likely to get discouraged before you even
start. For these reasons, NLP advocates stating you outcome in the positive “I want
Y.”
Check for the actual words in your outcome statement: ‘less’, ‘stop’, ‘give up’,
‘reduce’ are likely to be negative. Switch to ‘more of’, ‘start’, ‘take on board’,
‘increase’, etc.
48
Exercise:
When you are stuck with a negative outcome and want to figure out its positive
counterpart (every negative outcome can be stated in the positive), ask the
following questions:
What do I want instead?
What will this do for me?
Example:
Question: “What do I want?”

Answer: “I want to stop being caught up in energy-draining relationships” (Problem
Frame).
Question: “What do I want instead?”

Answer: “I want to be able to trust my partner to respect my need for independence”
(Outcome Frame).
EVIDENCE – HOW WILL YOU KNOW YOU HAVE

S UCCEEDED?
You need definite proof for achieving an outcome, otherwise there will be
confusion. There needs to be some feedback that lets you know when you have
reached the goal line, otherwise you will not be able to feel satisfied and move on to
new goals. In a sports game, you hear the buzzer, see the teams running off the
field, and if you are in the stadium, you will feel the overall energy shift. This kind of
feedback tells you the game is over. All of these indicators are perceived by your
senses (visual, audio, kinesthetic).
Use your senses for the most immediate and compelling feedback. Athletes do
mental training to prepare themselves for the sport event, visualizing and feeling a
series of complex body movements, the competition, the stadium, the crowd, etc. –
they do this internally, using their senses. This method has been shown to have a
significant impact on an athlete’s performance.
49
What will you see, hear, and feel when you have achieved your outcome? How
will others know? What will they see, hear and feel? What change will they notice?
The more sensory-specific you make your outcome, the easier it will be to achieve it.
Make sure you know what kind of feedback will let you know you have succeeded.
Then, later on when you get that feedback, you will recognize it and realize that you
have achieved your outcome.
Make sure you:
Get constant feedback and get it as soon as you can. If it comes too late,
feedback is of no help.
Ask the questions that will elicit feedback in the area that is important to you.
Actively seek the feedback you need.
SPECIFIC – WHERE, WHEN AND WITH

W HOM
Where do you want the outcome and with whom do you want it? There might be
places where you don’t want this outcome, people with whom you don’t want it or
times when you don’t want it. Be clear about those, too.
Here are some examples:
You want to change your job, but not until you have received the bonus for
which you are eligible at the end of the year.
You want less clients, but only if you can raise your prices without losing too
many clients. Your overall income should stay the same or increase.
You want to get married, but only if you can find a partner who shares the
same faith as you.
50
WHAT ARE YOUR
RESOURCES?
Every pursuit of an outcome requires resources. Without resources we cannot
get what we want in life. Being aware of what resources you have at your disposal
and how you can gain access to new resources is a key element of success in life.
Resources usually fall into one of the following five categories:
Material objects that you have available to achieve your outcome, like a
house, car, computer, back yard, and so on.
People who can help you: Friends, family, your partner, colleagues, local
sports team, etc.
Role Models who can show you the way to success: People who have
succeeded in achieving a similar outcome. If you can’t speak to them directly
(they might be famous or dead), maybe you can find one of their books, tapes,
programs, etc.
Your Personal Qualities: What strengths are necessary to achieve the

outcome? Which of these do you possess? Be honest with yourself and don’t
be modest. If you realize that you lack some of the skills to achieve the
outcome, develop them by training yourself or team up with someone who
already has them.
Time and Money: Does money play a role in achieving your outcome? What
kind of role? How about time? Do you have to achieve your outcome by a
certain deadline? How do time and money factors influence your strategy to
achieve your outcome?
51
CAN YOU START AND MAINTAIN THIS
OUTCOME?
Are you the one who can make it all happen by yourself? If your outcome is to be
the first tourist in space, you will have to speak to NASA or Richard Branson first,
unless you want to build your own spacecraft!
Ask yourself:
To what degree am I in control?
Who else is important to achieve this outcome?
What influence do I have on them?
How can I motivate them to want to help me (rather than feeling they have to
help me)?
If I delegate responsibility for achieving the outcome to others, how can I do

this and to whom can I delegate it?
How can I influence them, so that they act in a manner that helps me achieve
my outcome?
Many times we need help from others in order to achieve our goals. There is
only so much we can do by ourselves and our resources are limited. So it is a good
thing to think about who else matters in our pursuit of an outcome. Are those people
your allies or enemies when it comes to your desired outcome? How can you make
them allies? Sometimes we are happy to settle for passive help from others, such as
the ‘act of not interfering’ with our plans. Be clear on these issues when you are
setting an outcome.
52
ECOLOGY – WHAT ARE THE WIDER
C ONSEQUENCES?
Is what you want to achieve really good for you and the people in your life?
What are the side effects of achieving your desired outcome? Is there a price you or
other people will have to pay for your success? What kind of price is it? Is your son
going to miss out on a new computer for Christmas because you want to travel to
Egypt, or is he going to lose his best friend because you decided to take a job 2000
miles away? Is the price you pay for achieving your outcome worth it?
A classic example of someone who did not do an ecology check can be found
in Greek Mythology. King Midas wanted everything he touched to turn into gold.
After the gods granted his wish, he soon discovered the downside of this ability.
Make sure you ask yourself the following questions before you take action:
What time and effort are required to achieve the outcome and what important
tasks will I have to neglect as a result?
Who else will be affected and how exactly are they going to be affected?
Check the consequences for your partner, your family and friends, other
people, clients, etc. You might find that you want to redefine some aspects of
your outcome after looking at the repercussions it will have.
What aspects of the present situation would I like to maintain past the point of
achieving my outcome? What would I want to keep the way it is and how can I
make sure it survives the change?
What else could happen when I achieve my outcome?
Is there anything I will loose as a result of getting what I want? Is that loss
acceptable to me?
53
In cases where your outcome will affect other people, e.g. your family, ask all
the above-mentioned questions and invite the people who will be affected by the
change, to share what they think should be changed and what should be maintained.
By doing this you will get an interesting insight into other people’s position and
understand what you are up against before you get started.
It will allow you to think of ways to bring everybody on board. Most resistance to
change has to do with fear of losing influence. By checking in with people on what
their fears and hopes are regarding the change, you can work with them from the
very beginning, instead of running into their resistance in the middle of your project.
Is the outcome in keeping with who you are? You might be faced with making an
important decision that brings with it a wide variety of changes – some you like,
others you are worried about. If this is the case,
Ask yourself:
Will I be able maintain my relationships with friends and family?
Will the decision affect my ability to be myself?
Can I maintain my core values and express who I am freely after I have made
my decision?
COMPARE THE PROS TO THE

C ONS
There is usually more than one way to get the pros, so consider if the cons you
are faced with are acceptable to you, before you make a decision. What are the
benefits and downsides of the change and how do they affect the larger picture of
your life. How is your sense of identity affected by the change? Are your Logical
Levels going to be in alignment after you have achieved your outcome?
54
Outcome
Exercise
In Order to set an Outcome, Ask Yourself the Following Questions:
STEP 1: STATE IN THE

POSITIVE
“What do I want?”
“What will that do for me?”
STEP 2: DEMONSTRABLE IN SENSORY EXPERIENCE – EVIDENCE

PROCEDURE
“How will I know when I have got it?”
55
“What will I see when I have got it?”
“What will I hear when I have got it?”
“What will I be feeling when I have got it?”
“What will others see me doing when I have got it?”
56
“What will others hear me saying when I have got it?”
Step 3: Started and Maintained by

You
“To what degree can I start and maintain this outcome?”
STEP 4: APPROPRIATELY
CONTEXTUALIZED
“When, where and with whom do I want it?”
57
“When, where and with whom do I not want it?”
“How long for?”
STEP 5: MAINTAIN THE CURRENT POSITIVE

BYPRODUCTS
“What do I get out of my present behavior, that I wish to preserve?”
58
“How can I make sure that what I want to preserve will survive the change?
STEP 6: ECOLOGY
CHECK
“Is achieving my outcome worth the cost to me?”
“Is it worth the time it is going to take?”
“Is this outcome in keeping with my sense of self?”
59
WHEN ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE YOURSELF OR INFLUENCE OTHERS, KEEP
IN
MIND:
The present state often has positive byproducts, which need to be preserved
and integrated.
Without analyzing and addressing the positive byproducts of the current

situation, you will encounter resistance when trying to make changes.
Acknowledge yourself and others, by looking at what works well right now, and
what is behind that success (logical levels check). Decide what to keep and
what to discard.
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself when:
Changing Yourself
Influencing Others
What is my current behavior doing for What functions/purpose does their
me? current behavior or practice perform?
What are the positive byproducts of my What are the positive byproducts of the
current behavior? current behavior or practice for the
people, etc. involved?
What else happens, directly or indirectly, What else happens, directly or indirectly,
when I behaveas
inathis
result
way?of that behavior or practice?
What do I get out

Whatof do
behaving
they getlike
outthis?
of doing this?
What else do I get out of behaving like What else do they or others get out of
this? doing this?
What part of this behavior is worth What part of this behavior– in their
keeping? opinion – is valuable or worth keeping?
60
INTEGRATE POSITIVE
B YPRODUCTS
Once you have identified the positive byproducts of the present behavior/
practice, look for ways to incorporate them into the planned change. Think
about the effects the changes will produce and make sure they include everything
you want. If you are not satisfied, spend more time thinking things through.
CONGRUENCE CHECK
Check your inner voice for incongruence. If it says something like “Yes, but…”,
“Well, on the one hand…on the other hand…”, “Well, part of me wants X… but
another part wants Y…” you will have to spend some more time getting clear on what
you really want.
References:
NLP Volume I, Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R., and DeLozier, J., 1980.
Practical NLP for Managers, McDermott, I., O'Connor, J., 1997.
61
Chapter 4
Resources
Introduction
Now let us take a look at what we have done so far. In the Wheel of Lifeexercise
we looked at the overall balance of the different areas of your life. Next we analyzed
your Logical Levels, giving you an in-depth picture of yourself. Those two exercises
were helpful to make you aware of where you are at in your life and why you are
there. Then you designed some very specific Outcomes (goals) for yourself in
Chapter 3. All of the above are laying the groundwork for reclaiming confidence in
your life.
If you have done the exercises in Chapter 1-3 you should now have some
information about where you are and where you want to go. What is missing is
the “How to get there…” part. The next three exercises (and the next chapters) will
focus on giving you some tools to move towards a more confident “YOU.”
62
The New Behavior
Generator
In order to reach the outcome you have set for yourself (e.g. becoming more
confident), you might need to make changes to your environment, your behavior,
learn new skills, make adjustments to your beliefs and values, your sense of identity
and mission (see Chapter 2: Logical Levels).
For many of those changes, NLP can assist you with effective techniques. In
this exercise we will look at how to generate the kind of new behaviors that will help
you reach your desired outcomes.
Athletes have long been aware that mentally rehearsing certain body
movements improves their actual skill during a competition. The New Behavior
Generator works with that same power of visualization, so that when you encounter
the actual situation in real life, you have already dealt with it in your mind’s eye.
To generate a new behavior, do the following:
Step 1: Look at the goal you want to achieve and imagine that you have
already achieved it. Ask yourself what was the key behavior that led you to
success? In your mind’s eye, see yourself doing that behavior. Look at the
expression on your face, your body posture, and the vibration emanating from
your eyes, as you are behaving in the way that leads to success. Make it as real
as possible.
Step 2: If you find it difficult to visualize the key behavior that led to your
success, try doing one of the following:
Think of a time when you achieved success by using a similar behavior
Think of someone else who has successfully used your desired behavior and
model this person
Picture your behavior as you are only half way towards achieving your goal
(this can help to make the visualization easier)
63
Step 3: Mentally
, which
‘stepyou
into’
have
the been picturing you
successful
and notice what it feels like to be doing the behavior.
Step 4: Remember a time in your life when you achieved a similar goal.
Compare the feelings of that memory with the feelings from your visualized goal.
Do they feel different?
Step 5: Compare with past success - If your visualized success feels less
powerful than the remembered success from your past, think about what you
could add to your goal to make it equally satisfying. Enrich your visualized
success with more detail and make alterations to it, until you are satisfied with the
feeling it gives you.
Step 6: In your mind’s eye, equally enrich and alter the behavior that is the
reason for your visualized success. Keep using Step 2 to make your
visualization more realistic. After enriching and altering your visualized behavior,
try it on for size by mentally ‘stepping into’ it once more.
CONCLUSION
The main structure of the exercise is found in Steps 1-3, whereas Steps 4-6 are
designed to make sure you really get what you want. Run the exercise as many
times as you feel necessary and use it for different goals. Make sure you make your
goal specific enough to really satisfy you. It is absolutely fine to make it a complex
goal like “I want X and Y and Z” all at the same time.
Actually, most goals are constructed like this. As your goal gets more specific and
complex, you will notice that the behavior that is needed to reach the goal, likewise
gets more specific and complex. You might think that this makes it more difficult to
develop the behavior, but it actually tends to make it easier, because complexity and
64
clarity go hand in hand. The clearer you can visualize the behavior, the easier it is to
develop.
Now that you have visualized both your goal and the behaviors that bring it about,
you are well prepared to start displaying those behaviors. When the real situation
arises, you will find yourself carrying out naturally what you have continually
visualized and mentally rehearsed.
65
Circle of
Excellence
The Circle of Excellence is a very powerful excise for building confidence and
for taking the fear out of an upcoming challenge in your life. It is like a mental
and emotional vitamin pill to boost your overall confidence and resistance to fear. It is
a great exercise to use in combination with all the techniques and exercises in this
kit, and especially helpful when you want to motivate yourself to achieve one of your
goals.
Here is how it works:
Step 1: Choose a goal you find difficult to achieve. Then, choose a

resourceful state (courage, joy, love, forgiveness, humor, etc.) you could use to
achieve that goal.
Step 2: Think of a time in your life when you had that resource in
abundance. This can even be an experience in your childhood. If you have never
experienced that resourceful state, think of someone you know who did. This
could even include TV cartoons or people from movies or books (e.g. I want to be
as courageous as Popeye the Sailor).
Step 3: Draw an imaginary circle in front of you on the floor.
Step 4: Step into that circle and fill it with the energy from your resourceful
state. While you are standing in the circle, see, hear and feel the sights, sounds,
and sensations that are associated with that resourceful state (courage, joy, etc.)
Pay attention to the details of your experience. What happens in your body and
mind, while you are in this state?
66
Step 5: Intensify your experience of the resourceful state by making
changes to what you see, hear and feel. Try making visuals brighter and more
animated, sounds louder and higher pitched, and feelings warmer and gentler.
You might even want to add smell and taste to enhance your experience of the
resourceful state.
Step 6: Step out of the circle and take a moment to break state. Breaking
state means shaking a state off, so that you are back to neutral. In order to do
this, try shaking your hands and whole body, similar to a dog that wants to shake
the water of its fur. Alternatively, spelling your name backwards works too. Take
some deep breaths.
Step 7: Now step back into your Circle of Excellence to test if it works. Your
neutral state should once more transform into your resourceful state, i.e. you
should be experiencing what you experienced in steps 4 & 5.
Step 8: Step out of the circle once more and break state.
Step 9: Think about the goal you picked in the first step of this exercise. The
one for which you need the resourceful state.
Step 10: As you think about your goal, step into your Circle of Excellence
and access your resourceful state. If you have successfully charged your circle
with your resourceful state, the energy from that state will help you to look at your
goal with confidence. Experience how the energy from your Circle of Excellence
transforms your attitude towards your goal in a positive, encouraging way. You
might get the sense: “I can do this!”
67
CONCLUSION
You can charge your Circle of Excellence with more than one resourceful state.
To do so, just repeat steps 1-7 for each resourceful state you want to add. For
example, if you have a job interview coming up, you might want to mix yourself a
Circle of Excellence with courage, calmness, focus, and charm. You get the idea…
And after you have created a Circle of Excellence, you can use it literally
anywhere and anytime you want. While you are waiting for your taxi to an
important meeting, stand in your circle. While you are riding in the taxi, sit in it. Use
your Circle of Excellence to access resourceful states any time you want.
68
Reframing a Bad
Experience
Sometimes we know where we want to go, we even know how to get there, but
we are simply stuck in the past. Bad thoughts and emotions spill into our daily
routine, caused by dark memories of our past bad experiences. This is really
unfortunate, since not only did these bad experiences hurt us back then, they are
also hurting us right now, as they compel us to pass by opportunities for joy and
happiness in the present moment. And they rob us of our confidence.
The following exercise can help you to weaken the impact of those dark
memories. After you have done the exercise you will still have the memory, but it will
not bother you so much any more.
Here is how it works:
Step 1: With open or closed eyes recall a memory that is bothering you. As
you are recalling this scene of the past you might inwardly be:
- Seeing things (faces, buildings, nature, etc.)

- Hearing sounds (voices, background noise, etc.)
- Feeling some bodily sensation (temperature, touch, etc.)
- Smelling or tasting things (scents, food, etc.)
Step 2: Check in with yourself. Notice how recalling this memory affects your
emotions. Pay attention to how your body reacts as you remember the past.
Step 3: Pick a “Sum-Up Scene.” After reviewing your memory a couple of times
pick one scene from it that best sums up the whole experience. Once you have
made your pick, freeze it into a still scene.
69
Step 4: Put a frame around that still scene. Think about what kind of frame you
want to use? E.g. wooden with ornaments or sleek silver metal? Play around with
this until you have found a frame you like.
Step 5: Turn the scene into a photograph or painting. What kind of

photograph or painting? Your choice entirely. Anything from a classy black and
white shot to an impressionistic French painter or a child’s painting done with
finger paint.
Step 6: Now imagine how you take that framed photograph or painting and
hang it in a museum. Take a moment to smell the air in that museum and hear
its muffled sounds. Make it real. Then, look at your memory hanging on the
museum wall and check in with your emotions. Does that memory still have a
negative impact on your emotional state? How does your body react when you
look at the picture in the frame hanging on the wall?
Here is a different spin on the same exercise for audio-oriented people.
Step 1: Pick a negative memory like you did in the first exercise and experience
it with your five senses (see above).
Step 2: Check in with yourself. As you are running that scene, pay attention to
your emotions and how your body feels.
Step 3: Musical mismatch. Pick some kind of music that mismatches the
emotions you got from your bad memory. Any kind of music (classical, pop, jazz,
cartoon music, etc…). The music you pick should seem somewhat ridiculous in
combination with the memory.
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Step 4: Neutralizing the memory’s negative power. Play the music along with
your bad memory and notice the effect this has on how the memory makes you
feel.
CONCLUSION
Both reframing exercises are designed to weaken the negative impact of bad
memories. For most people framing and hanging their negative experience on a wall
in an “internal” museum brings emotional relief; and so does playing a funny or happy
(and mismatching) tune along with it. It takes the drama out of it all. If you had trouble
getting relief the first time you did the exercise, try again and use some different
frames, museums, tunes, etc.
These exercise by themselves are not intended to deal with severe traumatic
experiences. You should seek professional help in such cases. However, they will
help you to let go of grudges, overcome fear and deal with bad memories. You will
experience a new sense of freedom and confidence as the negative thoughts and
emotions linked to past experiences, fade in your memory.
References:
NLP, The New Technology of Achievement, The NLP Comprehensive Training Team, 1996.
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Chapter 5
Anchors and State
Management
Anchor
s
DEFINITIO
N
The NLP term of anchors sounded quite mystical to me, when I first heard it.
Surely it did not refer to the anchor of a sailboat, I thought. As I found out later, it
does refer to a ship’s anchor, metaphorically speaking, and more specifically to the
function it has. An anchor connects the boat with the bottom of the ocean in order to
keep the boat from drifting away. NLP uses the term anchor to describe the
connection between a sensory trigger and a specific physical/emotional state.
Definition Anchor: An anchor is any sense stimulation, internally or externally that

triggers a state.
Definition State: A state is the sum of mental and physical processes that shape a
person’s experience of reality at a given time.
Some anchors trigger states of confidence in you, others rob you of it. In this chapter,
we are going to take a look at which anchors work for and against you.
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ANCHORS LEAD TO
S TATES
As a result of this correlation between Anchors and States we often walk
through life on autopilot, reacting automatically to external (visual, audio, touch,
temperature, and smell) or internal (memories, thoughts, emotions, etc.) stimulation
(Anchors) by activating certain mental and physical processes (States).
These examples should make the concept of anchors easier to understand:
ANCHOR STATE triggers
Red traffic lightAlertness triggers
Picture of a loved
Positive
one emotion
triggers
and memories
Thought of boss triggers Fear, defensiveness, nervousness, loss of

confidence, etc.
Smell of apples
Childhood memories
triggers
STATES LEAD TO
B EHAVIOR
And, of course, it doesn’t stop at the anchor leading to a state, because states
lead to behavior. The thought of your boss, who has been criticizing you in front of
the entire department puts you into a state of low confidence, as a result of which you
display the behavior “keeping a low profile.” The picture of a loved one might make
you remember good times and put you in a positive and warm state, as a result of
which you are happy and confident for the rest of the day.
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By that logic, we can argue that anchors usually produce behavior (via the
indirect route of States).
ANCHOR BEHAVIOR STATE
Red traffic lightStop car Alertness
Picture of a loved one Positive Making a phone call, striking up a

emotions conversation, being friendly, planning a
visit
Thought of boss Fear Leaving room, searching for new
employment, working unproductively
Smell of apples Childhood Buying apples, looking at old pictures,

memories talking about the past, contacting old
friends
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LIVING ON
A UTOPILOT
As you can see from this chart, an anchor will usually lead to some kind of
behavior. Sometimes an anchor leads to behavior that serves your best interests
and sometimes it does not. It is interesting to note that we often act in response to an
anchor without being consciously aware of it. In such moments it is almost as if we
are on autopilot, which sometimes is practical, because it saves us time and effort.
We enjoy it if we don’t have to focus consciously on tasks such as eating, walking,
writing, etc. At other times, however, the autopilot gets us into big trouble.
AUTOPILOT + NEGATIVE STATE = BAD

C OMBINATION
It is usually when an anchor triggers a negative state in a situation involving
other people that we want to switch off the autopilot. Negative states are
potentially destructive, because they can lead to negative behavior that results in
harm to self and others. If an anchor triggers a negative state, it is best to consciously
take a step back and take a deep breath before taking any kind of action. That way
you have a chance to catch yourself before you do or say something you will later
regret. The skill that is needed to keep you from being ruled by your negative states
is what NLP calls state management.
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State
Management
RESOURCEFUL
S TATES
The key to being confident is remaining in resourceful states, especially when
faced with challenging situations. If you want to be confident it comes down to
managing your states. If you want to manage your states, you have to learn more
about your anchors. Ultimately, this search will take you back to analyzing your
logical levels (chapter 2). But start with examining your states first.
Most people do not realize that we are constantly in a state. In fact, we “cannot
not” be in a state. Even if we were devoid of a physical, intellectual and emotional
internal process, that would be a state in itself. As long as you walk this earth you are
going to be in one state or another; And if you are like most of us, you will be going
through a wide variety of states on a daily basis, sometimes changing between states
in a matter of minutes or even seconds.
States can be resourceful (happy, motivated, creative, etc.) or non-resourceful

(angry, resentful, fearful, etc.) People who spend the majority of their time in
resourceful states are more likely to lead a successful and gratifying life, even if not
necessarily an easy life (does anyone?). If you are in a resourceful state you can
make the best of any situation. And you are confident. It is the number one criterion
to success in any walk of life. Likewise, if you are in a non-resourceful state you will
say and do things that draw tension and complications into your life. And you will lack
confidence.
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State Management
Exercise
So the million-dollar question is this: How do you maintain a resourceful state
in the midst of the many challenges you face every day? The answer is easy in
theory and, of course, not so easy in practice! There are three key points when it
comes to state management:
1. Know your states and what triggers them.
2. Neutralize the triggers that put you in non-resourceful states.
3. Optimize and add to the triggers that activate your resourceful states.
KNOWING YOUR STATES AND WHAT TRIGGERS

T HEM
This takes some practice in the art of introspection. Check in with yourself
several times a day, noticing your state. What does your body feel like? What are
your thoughts and emotions? Once you have noticed your state, think about how this
state limits or empowers you. Is it a desirable state? Do you like yourself in that
state?
Next, track back in time to the moment that state started and ask yourself,
“What started it?” Was it a phone call from your friend? Did you remember/forget
something important? Did you succeed or fail at something? Link you state to a
particular incident, something that triggered it.
Example: You got your paycheck in the mail (anchor) and are in a relaxed, upbeat
state as a result of it. Write down such an anchor-state connection. If you do this kind
of introspection on a daily basis, you will get a good idea of what your main states
are and what anchor triggered them.
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NEUTRALIZE THOSE ANCHORS THAT PUT YOU IN A NON-RESOURCEFUL
S TATE
There are several ways to do this, depending on what kind of anchor you are
dealing with.
Example 1: You enter a non-resourceful state every time you get an email from a
person you have been avoiding. You might neutralize this anchor (the email) by
contacting that person and clarifying the unresolved issues that bother you. After you
have done this, you will either no longer receive emails from that person or it will not
negatively affect your state if you do.
Example 2: Every time you walk into your office, you are disgusted with the mess on
your desk, in the shelves, the drawers, and the file cabinet. You are too busy to clean
it up right now and decide to start working. You find yourself unfocussed and
disorganized, working on many projects at the same time, making no real progress in
any of them. You might neutralize the anchor (messy office) by cleaning up the mess
and find a sudden change in your ability to work productively (state).
DEALING WITH DEMONS FROM THE

P AST
If your negative anchors are the result of bad or even traumatizing experiences
from the past, you have the option of seeking professional help (coaching,
therapy, etc.)
If you want to work on neutralizing these negative anchors yourself, you can
try the following:
Ask yourself what being in the non-resourceful state (which this particular
negative anchor triggers) does for you.
Ask your negative state (anger, fear, etc.) internally, as if you were
speaking to a person: “What is your positive intention for me?” In many
cases you will receive an answer from your inner voice that sounds a little bit
like this: “To keep you safe from X happening again.” In this case your
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negative state actually acts as a protective mechanism that is trying to save
you from harm.
Example: Katherine was in a car accident and now, three years later becomes
fearful when sitting as a passenger in a speeding car. Instead of being silently
paralyzed by fear, and vowing never again to get herself into this position, wouldn’t it
be better for her to ask the driver: “Could you please slow down? It bothers me when
we are going so fast.” However, she is frozen by fear and keeps quiet. In order to get
to the point where Katherine speaks up and asks the driver to slow down, she first
has to become aware of her state of fear. Then she can ask her fear “What is it you
want for me?” The answer will most likely be “Safety.”
Interestingly, her fear believes that ‘keeping quiet’ will keep her safe. Such
irrational behavior is typical for negative states. Furthermore, we have a tendency to
be unaware of our negative state. Only when Katherine becomes aware of her non-
resourceful state and what it is looking for (in this case: safety), can she make a
conscious choice to speak up and assert herself, instead of remaining inactive and
being ruled by fear.
YOUR LACK OF CONFIDENCE MIGHT BE A MECHANISM THAT IS DESIGNED

TO
PROTECT YOU
If you lack confidence in any area of your life, ask that lack of confidence as if it were
a person: “Lack of confidence, what are you trying to achieve for me?” Then listen.
You will most likely get an answer that has to do with “keeping you safe.” Find ways
to guarantee that safety by better means, and strike a deal with your lack of
confidence. Once it is satisfied that you are safe, it will subside and your natural
confident self will shine forth.
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OPTIMIZE AND ADD TO THE TRIGGERS THAT PUT YOU IN RESOURCEFUL
S TATES
Having made a list of all your states and their corresponding anchors, sort out
the states that you find most empowering. These states produce harmony,
efficiency and enthusiasm in your life. Again, notice which anchors triggered them. It
could have been events, encounters, or memories, for example.
See if there is a main theme among those positive anchors. Do they all have to
do with your partner, your kids, your hobby or a concept like ‘helping people’? Try to
find one or more headlines for your positive triggers.
Next, design a schedule that involves a good spread of those positive anchors
throughout your week. It helps to have at least three of them (even if little ones)
every day; a strong positive anchor in the morning will set the stage for your daily
state. Most likely the anchor will be an activity you enjoy like riding your bike,
meditating, listening to music, or interacting with loved ones.
Lastly, if you can, finish you day in a resourceful state. To do this, try planting a
positive anchor in the evening (nice meal, reading a book, spending time with a loved
one, etc.). When you build a foundation of positive anchors into your daily routine,
you will find that in time your base state will be a resourceful state – your foundation
of happiness.
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Creating an
Anchor
INTRODUCTION
Yes, you can create your own anchors. That is one of the good things about being
such an automaton; you can actually program yourself in a positive way. And if you
have done the exercises in chapter 4, you actually have already created an anchor.
The Circle of Excellence, for example, is an anchor. You create a vortex of

positive energy, saturated with the qualities you desire. That vortex is an anchor. As
you step into your circle you “fire the anchor” as we say in NLP. In other words, you
activate it. As a result, your state changes in the desired way. You become imbued
with the resources you put into your Circle of Excellence.
You can create a large variety of anchors. Anchors can be visual, auditory,
kinesthetic, gustatory and olfactory. In other words, they can be based on sight,
hearing, touch, taste and smell.
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Basic Steps of Creating an Anchor
1. Decide which state you want to create an anchor for.
2. Think deeply of a time in your life when you experienced that state. If you have
never experienced it, think deeply of someone who has. I did this exercise
once with someone who wanted to anchor the state of “humor” but had no
reference experience of humor in his past to access. We ended up using the
cartoon character “Bugs Bunny” (which he was a big fan of) to help him
access the state of humor.
3. Once you have a strong sense of the state for which you want an anchor,
create the anchor by connecting it to a sensation.
4. Once the anchor has been created, you should end up with your desired state
every time you fire it. Firing an anchor means activating it. You can do this by
visualizing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling the anchor depending on what
kind of anchor you created.
Different Types of Anchors
Visual anchor: Visualize a symbol, a scene, a picture or face that embodies the
desired state. Whatever you are visualizing can be in the format of a movie or still
pictures. Both work.
Auditory anchor: Internally create music to go along with your desired state. Think of
the museums exercise in chapter 4, where you played a silly tune along with your
negative memory from the past. The silly tune was an anchor for a state of humor.
You attached it to the bad memory (a negative anchor in itself) in order to change the
resulting state to a less gloomy one. Go ahead and choose any music or sound to
produce states of courage, kindness, calmness, focus, excitement, etc.
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Kinesthetic anchor: Press your thumb and index finger together until you have a
sensation of pressure. Any other physical movement that produces a sensation
detectable by your skin can be used as kinesthetic anchor. Usually people use their
fingers or hands in a pressing/squeezing way, simply because it is most practical and
works well.
Gustatory anchor: Create a sensation of tasting something while being in your

desired state (e.g. eat or drink something). I have never heard of anybody actively
creating gustatory anchors for the purpose of anchoring a state, but it is definitely
possible!
Olfactory anchors: Use a scent to anchor a state by smelling a distinct fragrance

when being in your desired state. Inhale the fresh air in a forest while internally
focusing on your desired state, for example.
Combine Anchors: You can create an anchor that is a movie with sound, touch, taste,
and smell. There are no limits to what kind of anchors you can create!
Here is an example:
Gwen stands at a beach and looks out over the ocean. As she experiences deep
peace, she decides to create a kinesthetic anchor to capture that peace. She presses
the thumb and index finger of her right hand together and creates a sensation of
pressure. As her fingers are in this position, she deeply dives into her inner peace.
After a few minutes of this, she decides to go back home. That evening, as she
brushes her teeth, she decides to test her anchor. She presses her thumb and index
finger together and immediately experiences the peace she felt when looking out
over the ocean.
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Here is another example:
Mark loves to play basketball. He has a tendency to be hard on himself when he

misses a shot and as a result gets angry and frustrated. At work, however, he is
always extremely focused. One day he decides to anchor his state of being focus at
work and bring it to his basketball game. As he is in his office and experiences his
state of focusing, he inwardly hums a melody that suits his calmness and focus. He
does this for a whole week, whenever he remembers it. On the weekend he plays
basketball and finds himself, once more, confronted with anger and frustration. He
remembers the auditory anchor for calmness and focus he created at work during the
week and inwardly starts humming his anchor melody. He feels how the anger and
frustration ebbs away and is replaced by focus and calmness.
CONCLUSION
Anchors can be your friends or enemies. For better or for worse, anchors will
always be part of our lives. They are part of being human. The key is to become
aware of them, so that we have a choice before we are thrown into a state and the
accompanying behaviors. Knowing your anchors allows you to live more consciously
and confidently. Wisely creating you own anchors is a giant step towards creating the
life you dream of.
References:
NLP Vol. I, Dilts, R., Grinder, J., Bandler, R. and J., DeLozier, J. 1980.
An Overview of Learning, Dilts, R., 1998.
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Chapter 6
Beliefs
INTRODUCTION
Our beliefs are at the core of who we are. They guide our decisions and behavior
in all areas of life. They determine what we think is or is not possible. They predict
the future by linking our actions to consequences in an “if… then…” manner. More
often than not, they prove to be self-fulfilling prophecies, i.e. we believe something
and it comes to pass. And they very much determine our level of confidence.
Some of our beliefs are not fully our own, but rather blindly taken on from
others. Once a belief is formed, we work overtime to prove it right, even if the belief
is something negative like “Nobody likes me” or “I am a failure.” Any feedback that
validates our belief is highlighted, whereas feedback that contradicts it, is ignored. Do
we have to let our beliefs govern us, even if they are harmful to others and
ourselves? Can we consciously make changes to what we believe?
th
In the first half of the 20 century the world believed that it was impossible to
th
run a mile under four minutes. When, on May 6 1954, Roger Bannister ran a mile
in 3.59 minutes, everyone was in awe. Then, a curious development took place.
Within the following year many other runners ran the mile under four minutes. It was
as if a spell had been broken. To understand this phenomenon better, we have to
take a closer look at our beliefs, and how they affect us.
85
Overcoming Limiting
Beliefs
EMPOWERING AND LIMITING
B ELIEFS
Some of the beliefs we hold give us great strength and empowerment. Studies
show that, on average, people who believe they are healthy live 7 years longer than
those who think they are unhealthy, regardless of their actual health condition at the
time of the survey.
Other beliefs zap our energy and confidence. They tell us that we cannot achieve
our goals, or that we are not worthy of other people’s acceptance. Those kinds of
beliefs are called ‘Limiting Beliefs’ in NLP. They typically sound like “I am ugly”, “I will
never be successful”, “People don’t like me”, etc.
NLP groups Limiting Beliefs into three categories:
Hopelessness: My goal cannot be achieved under any circumstances.
Helplessness: My goal can be achieved, but I lack the ability to achieve it.
Worthlessness: I don’t deserve to achieve this goal, because of something I

am/am not or have/have not done.
REFERENCE
E XPERIENCES
Limiting beliefs can be a result of significant experiences (reference
experiences) in our lives. Robert Dilts, one of today’s leading NLP trainers, tells the
story about the man who, as a nine-year- old, killed his friend’s three-year-old
brother, while playing baseball. He was focusing so hard on his next swing that he
did not notice the young boy running behind him. As a result he formed the belief “If I
go after my goal, I end up hurting others.” This belief made it very difficult for him to
succeed in his adult life.
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BUILDING AWARENESS OF THE
B ELIEF
When attempting to overcome limiting beliefs the first step is to become aware
of them. This can be challenging, since our limiting beliefs have a way of hiding from
us. They like to stay in the background, where they don’t have to explain themselves.
It is almost like they are afraid that they will be proven wrong, if examined too closely.
In order to uncover limiting beliefs, ask yourself questions like:
In case of Hopelessness: Why is this goal unattainable?
In case of Helplessness: What skills do I lack to attain it?
In case of Worthlessness: Why don’t I deserve to achieve this goal?
If you calmly ask yourself these types of questions, you will uncover the limiting
beliefs that stand in-between you and your goal. It is important to note that beliefs
tend to come in clusters. Keep analyzing your beliefs, until you feel satisfied that you
have uncovered all of the limiting beliefs that stand in your way. Once you are aware
of your limiting beliefs analyze the way they affect your behavior.
In an exercise at the end of this chapter you can connect your actions to your
beliefs. Under this kind of examination your limiting beliefs will start to lose some of
their power over you.
UNCOVER THE PURPOSE BEHIND THE

B ELIEF
Analyze you beliefs for their purpose. Ask yourself, “How does holding this belief
serve my best interest?” Often beliefs serve a purpose. If you are getting some payoff
from holding a belief, but at the price of some unpleasant side effects, look for a
belief that gives you the same payoff without the side effects.
For example, replace a belief like “Men are trouble” by “Some men are trouble and I
need to be careful to make sure I choose a man with a good character, as my
87
partner.” The payoff for both those beliefs is “being safe from pain”, but the second
belief is less limiting and allows you to actually go on a date.
PROVING A BELIEF
W RONG
One way to stop believing that you cannot do something is to just do it. Once a
belief has been proven wrong it loses its power, as was evident when Roger
Bannister ran the mile in under four minutes. Of course, common sense should be
applied to this approach so as to avoid harming self and others. Trying to form the
belief that you can fly by ‘doing it’ might not be a good idea!
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Thought
Viruses
WHAT IS A THOUGHT
V IRUS?
Once a limiting belief has been formed, it can become autonomous, i.e. become
disconnected from the circumstances under which it was created and become what
NLP calls a ‘Thought Virus’. The man who killed his friend’s little brother (see
above) could not make the connection between his current limiting belief and the
baseball incident in the past. The connection was eventually made with the help of a
therapist.
A thought virus is a ‘free-floating’ belief within our belief system that we

cannot link to a specific reference experience. In other words, we believe
something without knowing why we believe it. Such thought viruses are often outside
our awareness, even though they might strongly influence our behavior and
decisions. Having the qualities of a virus, the disconnected belief is free to infect any
part of our life.
CHILDREN AND THOUGHT

V IRUSES
Children tend to take on board beliefs without screening them for their validity.
They have a natural tendency to absorb the beliefs of the people around them and
therefore can easily contract thought viruses. Parents often don’t realize that their
behavior and attitude provide the basis for the beliefs their children form.
By watching their parents children learn how to interact with others and the
world in general. They learn how to solve problems and attain goals. Such skills are
based on beliefs about what is possible and appropriate. Spoken instructions are
weaker than the example parents give, because children naturally model their elders.
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Example:
A thought virus like “If I show others who I truly am, they will respond
negatively” might have been formed during an art project at school, where a narrow-
minded teacher gave you bad marks for a very creative piece of work. It could be the
result of you writing a very personal letter to a significant person in your life and
receiving a negative response.
Any situation in which you felt you were being true to yourself but rejected by
others could lead to such a belief. The day the belief was formed it was a limiting
belief, connected to a specific situation, but as the years went by, you forgot about
where the belief came from and it became a thought virus.
Whatever the situation under which the belief was formed, once it separates
itself from the context under which it came to life, it can travel freely through your
belief system and affect your behavior and decisions in life, without you being aware
of it.
CONTRACTING A THOUGHT
V IRUS
Thought viruses can travel from one person to the other, much like the flu. This
happens, when a person that is of significance to you, passes his or her beliefs on to
you, by acting or speaking in a manner that implies the belief. This kind of belief
transfer can happen one-on-one, within a family or group of people, or even on a
national and international level.
Our society recognizes the issue of thought viruses and sets guidelines for
people in leadership roles, such as parents, teachers, doctors, politicians, etc.
which require them to abstain from speech and behavior that is considered harmful. If
they fail to be a role model for morally appropriate behavior, society quickly strips
them of their leadership role.
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This is a protective measure that aims at keeping thought viruses with
destructive power away from the masses. If Oprah and Dr. Phil were openly
supportive of drugs, violence and racism, their shows would be taken off the air.
Nevertheless, a lot of violence is still shown in movies, today. To prevent people from
contracting a thought virus like “violence is an acceptable tool to solve problems”
such movies are subjected to age restrictions.
Another Example of a Thought Virus:
Steve tends to get nervous whenever he gets too much attention from others.
He prefers to stay in the background, away from the spotlight. At social gatherings he
likes to talk to maybe one or two people at a time, quietly and out of earshot of
others. As soon as someone new steps up to listen in on his conversation, he freezes
and forgets his point.
His behavior could be labeled shyness, however, it has deep roots in his
childhood. Steve’s father, a university professor, being utterly absorbed in his
studies of political theory, never paid much attention to him. All of Steve’s attempts to
get his father to show interest in his projects (basketball, music, boy scouts, etc.)
failed.
As a result Steve formed the belief “I don’t deserve attention from my father.”
As he grew up this limiting belief became the thought virus “I don’t deserve attention
from others.” No longer was the belief specific to his relationship with his father but it
now applied to his relationship with every person in his life.
In order for Steve to get rid of his thought virus he had to first become aware of
it. Once he realized that he held the belief “I don’t deserve attention from anyone” he
could start tracing it back to its origin. Remembering his unfulfilling relationship with
his father, he was able to challenge and transcend the belief.
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In order to get rid of thought viruses ask yourself:
What is the origin of this belief?
Do I have enough evidence from personal experience to sustain this belief?
Have I taken this belief on from someone else without testing it for its
relevance?
Is the belief appropriate for the particular context I am applying it in or does it

belong into a different context?
CONCLUSION
The key to dismantling a thought virus is awareness. Once you realize what your
thought virus is, you have a choice of keeping, altering, or doing away with it. A step-
by-step exercise to change limiting beliefs and thought viruses is given below.
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Guardian
Beliefs
SOME BELIEFS ACT TO PROTECT
US
Some limiting beliefs take the role of guardians. Such beliefs usually were formed
as the result of a negative experience and now act as a protector with the objective of
avoiding a similar experience in the future.
For example, people who have experienced failure in romantic relationships

become hesitant and doubt themselves when it comes to romance. The underlying
belief for such people is that romance always ends in pain, a belief for which they find
direct proof in their past. The resulting behavior is shyness and inhibition to engage
with potential partners.
OVERCOMING A GUARDIAN
B ELIEF
The way to overcome a guardian-style limiting belief is to uncover its mission.
In an inner dialogue talk to such a belief (e.g. ”Romance ends in pain”) as if it were a
person. Ask: “Belief, tell me, what is your positive intention for me?” The answer will
most likely be something like “To keep you safe from X happening again,” along with
memories of past painful experiences.
Once you know what your limiting belief is trying to achieve for you, you can
start looking for a new way to give it what it wants (e.g. safety) and at the same time
do away with the old way and its negative side effects (e.g. shyness). The key is to
have an open inner dialogue with your belief so that you understand where it came
from and what it is trying to achieve for you.
CONCLUSION
Investing some time in uncovering what kind of beliefs you hold, is a good
start if you want to make positive changes in your life. Limiting beliefs can be
hard to track down but once they are out in the open, they can be undone and laid to
rest. With empowering beliefs in place and limiting beliefs out of the way, inner
strength and outer success follow naturally.
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Belief Identification
Exercise
EXERCISE: IDENTIFYING BELIEFS AND RESULTING
B EHAVIORS
Identify your current beliefs and their effects on your life. First, let’s look for
some beliefs that give you strength and energy. Feel free to repeat this exercise with
as many empowering beliefs as you want to.
Write down three of your empowering beliefs and the behaviors they result in
Empowering Belief 1:
Resulting Behavior(s):
Effect of Behavior(s) on Others and Myself:
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96
Write down three of your limiting beliefs and the behaviors they result in
Limiting Belief 1:
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Limiting Belief 2:
98
Limiting Belief 3:
CONCLUSION
Awareness is the key to empowerment. Knowing what empowering and limiting
beliefs you are holding and how they affect your behavior is a great step towards
taking control of your destiny. In the following exercises we will explore different
techniques for changing beliefs.
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Belief Change
Exercise
INTRODUCTION
This exercise aims at replacing an existing limiting belief with a new,
empowering belief that will make you feel confident. The exercise is split into
three parts, the first one analyzing the limiting belief, the second one making a plan
for replacing it, and the third one traveling into the future, experiencing each step of
the belief change.
STEP 1: BELIEF
ANALYSIS
I currently believe that…
I formed this belief under the following circumstances:
The positive intention of my current belief is to…
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I want to change this belief because…
STEP 2: MAPPING OUT THE STAGES OF THE BELIEF

CHANGE
In order to replace your old belief with a new one, you will have to pace
yourself. Some beliefs change overnight, usually as a result of an event that proved
the belief wrong. However, in most cases they change slowly. Our beliefs have many
years of our life’s experiences to prove them right. In addition they have the benefit of
us being accustomed to them. After all, how can we turn on our old companions?
For such beliefs, the best way is a gradual approach. Rather than trying to
forcefully exterminate our old beliefs, we aim at gradually replacing them with new
beliefs. To do this, think of what you want to ultimately believe and what stages lie on
the way to that belief. Instead of traveling from Japan to America in one go, let’s stop
over in Hawaii. That way the journey becomes more manageable.
101
Here is an example:
TOM’S CURRENT BELIEF: “Women don’t find me attractive because I am too short”
Behavior Supporting the Belief: Tom does not go out much and the few times he
does he keeps a low profile and feels apprehensive.
THE ULTIMATE BELIEF TOM WANTS: “Women find me attractive”

Behavior Supporting the Belief: Tom goes out whenever he feels like it, is open to
interacting with women and enjoys himself without feelings of apprehension. He can
hardly remember the time when he felt inadequate because of his height.
If Tom tries to get from his current belief to his desired belief in one go, he
might get discouraged. To breach the gap it helps to place intermediate beliefs in
between.
INTERMEDIATE BELIEF 1 (E.G. NEXT MONTH): “Most women are fine with my height”
Behavior Supporting the Belief: Tom arranges to go out at least once a week.
Inwardly, instead of putting himself down because of his height he focuses on having
fun. He reads books on self-improvement and motivation.
INTERMEDIATE BELIEF 2 (E.G. IN 3 MONTHS): “Some women find me attractive”

Behavior Supporting the Belief: Tom goes out frequently and engages in
conversation with women, if they seem nice. He works out, eats healthy, dresses
nicely and spends time getting to know himself better. He is emotionally balanced
and affirms inwardly that he is attractive.
After adding these two intermediate goals, Tom’s ultimate goal (see above)
does no longer seem so hard to reach.
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Try to make a detailed plan that allows you to gradually switch from your old to
your new belief. In the following you will find the blueprint for a step-by-step belief
change. Fill in your current (1) and ultimate (4) beliefs first, then fill in the two
intermediary stages (2,3) to bridge the gap. Feel free to change the time frames
(days, weeks, months, etc.) for the intermediary stages and to add more stages if
needed.
Complete the Following Fields:
(1) Currently, I believe that
I am supporting this belief by behaving in the following way:
(2) In (e.g. 2 weeks) I want to believe that
103
I am going to support this belief by behaving in the following way:
(3) In (e.g. 2 months) I want to believe that
(4) Ultimately I want to believe that
104
105
STEP 3: BELIEF CHANGE EXERCISE
STEP 1: Lay out on the floor the following Positions:
Current Belief Position

Desired Belief Position
Halfway Belief Position
Two Intermediate Belief Positions
Neutral Observer Position
STEP 2: Step into the Current Belief Position and experience your current belief.
Direct your attention inward and notice the thoughts, images, sounds and feelings
that come to you when you focus on this belief. Mentally watch yourself doing the
behaviors associated with this belief. Stay in this position for a few minutes, until you
feel satisfied that you have fully connected to this belief.
Step out of the Current Belief Position and step into the Neutral Observer
Position. Break state by taking a deep breath and spelling your name backwards.
Leave all emotions and thoughts from the Current Belief Position behind.
106
Optional: Standing in the Neutral Observer Position imagine being a neutral
observer, like a fly on the wall, looking at yourself standing in the Current Belief
Position. Use your imagination to see how you looked a few moments ago, as you
were standing in the Current Belief Position. What do you notice (body language,
posture, facial expression) when you look at yourself standing in the Current Belief
Position from the Neutral Observer Position?
STEP 3: Step into your Desired Belief Position. Again, direct your attention inward
and notice the thoughts, images, sounds and feelings that come to you. How does it
feel to hold this belief? In which way does this belief change your life? Mentally watch
yourself doing the behaviors associated with this belief.
Step out of the Desired Belief Position and step into the Neutral Observer
Position. Again, break state by taking a deep breath and spelling your name
backwards. Leave all emotions and thoughts from the Desired Belief Position behind.

observer, like a fly on the wall, looking at yourself standing in the Desired Belief
were standing in the Desired Belief Position. What do you notice (body language,
posture, facial expression) when you look at yourself standing in the Desired Belief
STEP 4: Step into your Halfway Belief Position. Again, direct your attention inward
and notice the thoughts, images, sounds and feelings that come to you. You are now
halfway between the belief you want to change and the belief you want to adopt.
What kind of belief are you holding in this position? What kind of behavior is
associated with this belief?
Step out of the Halfway Belief Position and step into the Neutral Observer
Position. Again, break state by taking a deep breath and spelling your name
backwards. Leave all emotions and thoughts from the Halfway Belief Position behind.
107
observer, like a fly on the wall, looking at yourself standing in the Halfway Belief
were standing in the Halfway Belief Position. What do you notice (body language,
posture, facial expression) when you look at yourself standing in the Halfway Belief
STEP 5 & 6: Repeat the same process for Intermediate Belief Position 1 and 2.
Standing in each Intermediate Belief Position direct your attention inward and notice
the thoughts, images, sounds and feelings that come to you. You are now halfway
between two beliefs. What kind of belief are you holding in this position? What kind of
behavior is associated with this belief?
STEP 7: Starting from your Current Belief Position, walk through all belief
positions until you reach the Desired Belief Position, spending some time in
each position on the way. Take your time as you step from one position into the
next; experiencing internally how each position holds a different belief and different
associated behaviors. Take as much time as you need to walk through your belief
positions.
108
Repeat Step 7 as many times as you want, but at least 2-3 times. With every time
you walk through your belief positions, the transitions between the positions should
become smoother until eventually it becomes one continuous walk.
Now that you have successfully walked through your belief replacement internally,
you will find it easier to manifest the desired changes externally in your life, according
to the time frame you have set for the belief change.
Optional Enhancement of this exercise:

If you want to create anchors for all or some of the positions in this exercise, so that
you can access the states associated with the positions at will, go right ahead. To
refresh your memory on what anchors are and how to create them, go to chapter 5.
CONCLUSION
Beliefs have a lot of power over us. Some of them help us to be successful in life,
others rob us of all our confidence. However, we do not have to accept the tyranny of
our own beliefs, if we feel they don’t serve our own best interest. We can examine
and question them, even transform them, immediately or over time and replace them
with more empowering ones. Use the belief change exercises given in this chapter to
create the kind of beliefs that give you confidence and happiness in life.
References:
Changing Belief Systems with NLP, Dilts, R., 1990.

Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being, Dilts, R., Hallbom, T., Smith, S., 1990.
109
Chapter 7
Presuppositions
INTRODUCTION
Presuppositions are basic assumptions that serve as a framework for a given
context. They are what we fall back on when trying to decide how to behave in a
particular situation. You could say presuppositions are beliefs, but they are a
particular kind of beliefs that could be compared to game rules. They bring structure
and meaning to the context they are applied to. They determine our behavior and the
kind of plans we make in life. And they certainly determine our level of confidence.
The easiest way to explain presuppositions are everyday examples:
Presuppositions About Living on Earth

All living organisms need food to survive
Objects dropped fall to the ground
The earth is round
Presuppositions About Aviation

Planes need to accelerate to a certain speed before they can take off
Birds can crash planes when getting sucked into the engines
Flying a plane requires great knowledge and skill
Presuppositions About Parenting

Parents are legally responsible for their children until age 18 (in America)
Children require their parents’ love and attention
Children need education and discipline
110
PRESUPPOSITIONS AFFECT OUR
B EHAVIOR
Presuppositions have enormous repercussions for our behavior. When people
act, they do so because they believe their action is in some way meaningful. The
action’s meaning comes from a presupposition. It is safe to say, that every behavior
has a presupposition as its basis.
To demonstrate this point, consider these examples:
Presupposing that the Earth is round has changed the way people think
about traveling to other continents. It led Columbus to seek a western passage
to reach India in the East.
Presupposing that flying a plane requires great skill has lead to very
thorough and lengthy pilot trainings, both for commercial and private aviation.
Presupposing that children need education and discipline has led to the
development of educational systems.
PRESUPPOSITIONS ARE
IThere
NFINITE
is an infinite number of presuppositions. Every field (science, religion,
social interaction, etc.) has its own presuppositions as a basis; to add to the
complexity, the individualized versions of those presuppositions vary from person to
person.
Presuppositions play a big role for your level of confidence or the lack of it. Think
about it. What are you presupposing about yourself and others, about your life, your
job, your future? What are you presupposing about your ability to be confident?
Whatever your presuppositions are, they determine your reality. Change them and
you change your reality.
111
NLP
Presuppositions
PRESUPPOSITIONS FOR
E XCELLENCE
From the start, Neuro-Linguistic Programming aimed at replicating excellence.
While studying human beings that were considered excellent in their respective
fields, one focus was on finding out what presuppositions these people held. By what
ground rules did they play their game? What were the basic assumptions they made
about life, people, themselves and their field of study? How did those assumptions
support them in their excellence?
NLP has come up with a number of presuppositions, which it believes to be the

basis of human excellence. According to NLP, people who accept these
presuppositions are well equipped to develop excellence and confidence – a great
recipe for success in life. The following presuppositions can be considered the very
foundation of the science of NLP.
NLP does not claim that these presuppositions are true or attempt to prove that
they are true. They have emerged as a result of studying the success strategies of
people who have excelled. They are meant to be used as tools for supporting people
in their attempt to excel in life, rather than serve as rigid dogmatic rules.
112
Here are some of the presuppositions NLP deems to be at the core of human
excellence:
THE MAP IS NOT THE

T ERRITORY
Human beings make their own subjective representation of reality. Their map
(perception) of the territory (reality) is not the territory itself, but a personalized
representation of it. No map is more important or more truthful than any other map,
because all maps are equally true and important to their owners. In other words:
Everybody’s perspective matters equally, since there is no objective opinion to
decide which perspective is correct/true.
Given this “stalemate,” NLP claims that learning how to understand other's maps is
essential for influencing them and thus for attaining excellence in life.
Acceptance of this presupposition leads to:
Paying attention to how others experience a situation

Accepting that our own position is subjective
Looking at a situation through other people’s eyes
ALL HUMAN BEHAVIOR IS

P URPOSEFUL
People have a reason for behaving in a certain manner, no matter whether the
reason is perceived and understood by their conscious mind, or by other people.
When we become aware of the purpose behind our behavior, we are able to deepen
our understanding of ourselves and find more resourceful behaviors to achieve the
same purpose.
Showing interest in what motivates other’s behavior

Showing interest in what motivates our own behavior
Compassion for humankind’s struggle with its imperfections
113
THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY
F EEDBACK
People, who label themselves or their actions as failures underperform as a result of
self-doubt, lack of enthusiasm, and negative emotions such as anger and fear.
Failure is valuable feedback that holds key information about how we can adjust our
strategy for achieving our goal the next time we try.
Accepting failure without putting oneself down

Seeing failure as the next step towards success
Motivation to take the risk of trying something new
IF WHAT YOU DO DOES NOT WORK, TRY SOMETHING

D IFFERENT
The transitions an average human being goes through in one lifetime are numerous.
When we are first confronted with an unfamiliar situation, confusion and frustration
are often inevitable, especially when we try to resist change. Flexibility is one of the
most empowering qualities we can have. People, who are able to change their
behavior when necessary, are best suited to be successful in life.
Behavioral flexibility
Creativity
Openness to change
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PEOPLE DO THE BEST THEY
CAN
People are as successful in life as their behavioral strategies and beliefs allow them
to be. They do the best they can within their experience of reality. If they are
underperforming in some areas of their lives it is because they have not yet
developed the appropriate strategies and beliefs needed for success.
Showing deeper interest in others

Searching for ways to offer people new resources and choices
Reduced likelihood of taking other people’s shortcomings personally
Approaching conflicts with others with an attitude that focuses on adding the
missing resources, rather than retaliation
ALL THE RESOURCES NEEDED ARE ALREADY IN THE

S YSTEM
Whatever challenges life places in front of us, we already carry within us, all the
resources we need in order to be successful, or we can create them.
Actively pursuing goals

Inwardly searching for and nurturing resources
Feeling a sense of empowerment
115
IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN HAVE
IThere
T
is an inherent creative power lying dormant in all of us, a power that allows us
to bring our dreams into manifestation. Mankind has proven again and again that it
can achieve greatness in the fields of science, art, sport, etc. All that is required is an
idea, a vision, a dream. The reversal of this presupposition is “If you can’t dream it,
you can’t have it.” So start dreaming!
Becoming creative
Willingness to set new goals
Feeling motivated and enthusiastic about the future
THE MOST FLEXIBILITY PART OF A SYSTEM GAINS CONTROL OF THE

S YSTEM
Our world consists of countless systems like organizations, families, countries, etc.
Anything that consists of more than 2 parts can be considered a system. The most
flexible part of a system has the ability to communicate with all other parts and
therefore has the widest reaching influence. Over time, this part will gain control over
the system.
Developing better communication with others

Venturing past our personal comfort zone
Being open to change
116
THE MEANING OF A COMMUNICATION TO ANOTHER PERSON IS THE
RESULTING
RESPONSE FROM THAT PERSON, REGARDLESS OF THE INTENTION OF
THE
COMMUNICATOR
When communicating with another person, it helps to make it our business to “speak
their language.” If they respond in a way that is unexpected and negative, we should
claim responsibility for that failed communication and alter our message in such a
way that the other person can receive it the way we mean it. To do this effectively, we
have to learn more about how the other person makes sense of our communication.
Working on improving communication skills

Not taking offense to other’s negative responses
Striving to learn more about others’ way of communicating
MORE CHOICES LEAD TO

E MPOWERMENT
The more choices our maps of the world offer us, the more empowered we are. All
areas of our lives thrive when presented with many choices. Having only one or two
choices to choose from limits our inherent potential for excellence.
Throwing off confining beliefs

Breaking out of confining environments
Embracing new possibilities
117
PEOPLE CHANGE WHEN THEY GAIN ACCESS TO THE NEEDED
RESOURCES
People do what they do because it is the best they can do with the resources they
believe they have. Even if they have a desire to change, without the needed
resources, change is difficult. When they gain access to the resources they need,
they are able to make the changes they desire. The needed resources might be a
different sense of self, a certain belief, a skill, information, material items or money,
for example.
A desire to build resources in others and self

Solving conflicts by adding the missing resources
Patience and understanding
CONCLUSION
If you are like most people, you will have to digest these presuppositions and really
think them through. Some of them are not easy to accept, especially when they
challenge us to change our attitude and behavior. There is no need to force yourself
to accept these presuppositions, because “forcing yourself to believe something
never works” (…one of my personal presuppositions). Rather, try them on for size
and see if they work for you. The next exercise will allow you to do just that…
118
NLP Presupposition
Exercise
INTRODUCTION
This exercise allows you to try out various presuppositions and see if accepting them
as true, makes a difference for you. It is a great way to get a new angle on a conflict
you are stuck in.
If you want to use this exercise to build your confidence, chose a presupposition such
as “I am unique in this universe. It would not be complete without me. I have a real
contribution to make and the world will be a better place when I decide to make it.”
Exercise:
STEP 1: Mark out a problem space to stand in. This will be the space in which you
can try on some of your problems.
STEP 2: Mark out a presupposition space you can stand in (like you did in the
Circle of Excellence Exercise). This will be your tryout space in which you can
experiment how your problems feel in combination with different presuppositions.
STEP 3: Stand in the problem space and think of a problem you want to resolve.
Close your eyes and experience how you feel internally as you focus on your
119
problem. Pay attention to the visual, audio and kinesthetic sensations that come to
you while you are in the problem space.
STEP 4: Step out of the problem space and choose a presupposition you want
to try out. Use some of the NLP presuppositions to start with. If you want to try the
exercise with your own homemade presuppositions after that, feel free to do so. What
you are aiming at are presuppositions that will empower and motivate you.
STEP 5: Symbolically, put the presupposition into your presupposition space.

To do this, use a gesture or make a sound to “switch on” that presupposition. Like
switching on the bubble jets in a whirlpool. Imagine that, while the presupposition is
switched on, it is true.
STEP 6: Step into your presupposition space and experience your problem
again. How does the problem present itself with the background of the
presupposition (e.g. “All the resources needed are already in the system”)? Pay
attention to your internal sensations (visual, audio, kinesthetic). Can you see, hear or
feel any new aspects of the problem you are dealing with? Maybe even solutions?
STEP 7: Repeat these steps for as many presuppositions and problems as you
like.
References:
The Structure of Magic, Vol. I, Bandler, R., Grinder, J., 1975.
120
Conclusion
Congratulations, you have
completed the E-book!
WHERE DO YOU GO FROM

H ERE?
First, let me tell you that I am proud of you for making the effort to improve the
quality of your life. Building confidence has a lot to do with personal change and
transformation and therefore naturally can be an exhausting and daunting
undertaking. You have to really work at it, if you want to become your most confident,
inspired and powerful self. I greatly respect anyone, who does not shy away from this
challenge.
Secondly, let me make a few suggestions that will help you keep your
momentum going.
1. Come back to read in this E-book frequently. The material covered in this
manual is very organic, which means it interacts with you over time, slowly
being integrated into your system. The real benefit lies in applying it frequently
in your daily life, because it is learned easiest through direct experience. For
example, you might have enjoyed reading about the presuppositions in
chapter 7, but it will be months or even years later, that you fully realize the
power behind them. As time goes by, all the empowering concepts you have
absorbed will become your second nature. To get the most benefit out of this
E-book, read it again after a few months and years and see how much you
have absorbed and become a different person as a result of it.
121
2. Apply what you have learned. Life can be a lot of fun, if we learn to live in
harmony with others and ourselves. The techniques and concepts in this E-
book give you great tools to learn how to make the changes you desire in life.
Make use of that knowledge by applying it. Set powerful goals with the goal
setting exercise, access resources with the Circle of Excellence, overcome
limiting beliefs with the exercises given in Chapter 6, and make a conscious
effort to align your logical levels. You will see the benefits materializing right in
front of your eyes!
3. Learn more about Neuro – Linguistic Programming. This manual only

covers parts of NLP. There is a lot more to be discovered. It is a field that has
an enormous amount of effective tools for self-empowerment and on top of
that is fun. To find out more about NLP books and institutes take a look at the
resources below.
4. Share what you have learned with others by being Your Greater Self. And
by that I mean that you should strive to be an example of an empowered
human being. Someone who is a source of inspiration and support for others.
Someone who radiates love, peace and contentment. Someone who makes
others feel good about themselves. Have I achieved that goal myself? No, but
I am working at it. So should you, because you will transform many lives for
the better, if you work on being the best you can be.
The next section has a selection of books, websites and institutes related to
developing confidence and self-empowerment through NLP. I wish you the very
best success for all your endeavors! May your live be full of love and prosperity!
Christoph Schertler
Certified NLP Trainer
President PEC
122
Resources
NLP & COACHING
You can find the following books on www.amazon.com:
BOOKS
Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D
by Richard Bandler and John Grinder (Paperback - Jul 1996)
The Structure of Magic: A Book About Language and Therapy

by Richard Bandler (Paperback - Jun 1975)
Using Your Brain--For a Change

by Richard Bandler (Paperback - May 1985)
Persuasion Engineering
by Richard Bandler and John LA Valle (Hardcover - May 1996)
Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming

by Richard Bandler and John Grinder
Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of

Hypnosis
by John Grinder and Richard Bandler (Paperback - Jul 1981)
Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of

Meaning
by Richard Bandler and John Grinder (Paperback - Jun 1981)
Healing ADD : Simple Exercises That Will Change Your Daily Life
by Thom Hartmann and Richard Bandler (Paperback - April 1998)
Sleight of Mouth: The Magic of Conversational Belief Change

by Robert Dilts (Hardcover - Aug 1999)
From Coach to Awakener

by Robert Dilts (Paperback - May 2003)
Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Wellbeing

by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Suzi Smith (Paperback - April 1990)
Modeling With Nlp

by Robert Dilts (Hardcover - Jul 1998)
Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Volume I (The Study of the Structure of

Subjective Experience)
by Robert Dilts (Hardcover - Jun 1980)
123
Changing Belief Systems With NLP
by Robert Dilts (Hardcover - Jan 1990)
Strategies of Genius, Volume One

by Robert Dilts (Paperback - Dec 1995)
Strategies of Genius, Volume II

by Robert Dilts (Hardcover - Mar 1994)
Skills for the Future: Managing Creativity and Innovation

by Robert Dilts and Gino Bonissone (Hardcover - Jun 1993)
Tools of the Spirit

by Robert Dilts and Robert McDonald (Paperback - Jul 1997)
Alpha Leadership: Tools for Business Leaders Who Want More from Life
by Anne Deering, Julian Russell, and Robert Dilts (Hardcover - May 15, 2002)
Your Inner Coach: A Step-by-Step Guide to Increasing Personal

Fulfillment and Effectiveness
by Ian McDermott (Paperback - Jul 25, 2004)
NLP and the New Manager

by Ian McDermott and Ian Shircore (Paperback - Oct 1, 1998)
The Coaching Bible

by Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago (Paperback - Aug 3, 2006)
The NLP Coach: A Comprehensive Guide to Personal Well-being and

Professional Success
by Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago (Hardcover - Aug 30, 2001)
An Introduction to NLP
by Joseph O'Connor and Ian McDermott (Audio CD - Jul 19, 2004)
Brief NLP Therapy

Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago (Hardcover - Dec 2001)
124

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Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1: The Wheel Of

CHAPTER 3: Setting And Achieving

CHAPTER 5: Anchors And State

The NLP Confidence

Each chapter deals with a different aspect of Self-Empowerment and contains

NLP and Confidence

1. How serious you are about making changes in your life.

The Wheelof Life

WHAT IS THE WHEEL OF

Ask yourself the following questions:

Which segments are the main sources of my wheel’s imbalance?

What could I do to raise your level of satisfaction in my low scoring segments?

What effect would improving the level of satisfaction in my low scoring

Are there any significant inter-dependencies between the segments of my

What are Logical

NLP assumes that we experience life on six inter-connected levels:

It should be noted, that congruence is not generic. Everybody is congruent in his

Our sense of identity will usually have to do with

Our culture (Western, Asian, African, etc.)

A strong sense of mission powerfully supports your confidence level in life.

Things you should know about Logical Levels:

Misleading Appearances: Difficulties experienced on the lower logical levels

Logical Level Confusions: Many confrontations between people leave a

Instead of saying “You are inconsiderate”, which is a statement about the

The general rule is: Praise on an identity level, criticize on a behavior

Likewise, when someone criticizes you on an identity level (“You are…”),

What gifts do you want to give to the world?

What do you want your legacy to be?

What do you want written on your tombstone?

I hope I never will be…

Way to make sure I never will be:

To be that I would have to:

I guess I could be…

To be that I would have to:

People who like me think I am…

People who don’t like me think I am…

Usually this kind of scenario ends in some form of embarrassment. A violation

If my values are violated, I react in the following manner…

If my values are being honored, I react in the following manner:

In my opinion, the people I interact with in my professional life should be

In my opinion, my friends should be more…

In my opinion, my friends should be less…

In my opinion, my family should be less…

I believe that I am…

I believe that I can…

I believe that I can’t…

Beliefs that empower me:

To get a better sense of your capabilities, please complete the following

My most developed capabilities (skills) are:

I am also very good at…

Behaviors that helped me acquire these capabilities

Environments that helped me acquire these capabilities

I would like to learn how to…

I should learn how to…

To get a better sense of your behaviors, please complete the following

My everyday behaviors include:

Some of my most peculiar behaviors include:

Typical behaviors when I feel happy:

Typical behaviors when I feel sad:

Typical behaviors when I feel lonely:

Ways in which I behave when I like someone:

Ways in which I react when someone treats me unfairly: