FILIPINO CHILD REARIGNG PRACTICES

An analysis of the nature of the authority in the Filipino Family bares that
authority goes hand with responsibility. Thu, the oldest child who has more authority
over the rest of his siblings bear more responsibilities. However the authority given to
children exclusives the right to punish the younger siblings. This is the exclusive preserve
of parents. The obedience expected by parents by family members covers compliance
with specific requests, admonitions, advice and warnings and, this more difficult,
complacence with family expections. If a child is gui8lty of disobedience, something
which parents regard as an insult to their authority, he is dealt with severely and
promptly.
In Maria Fe Abasalo-domingo’s study (1977) on the child rearing practices in
barrio Cruz na Ligas, a pattern of authority-obedience prevails. Filipinos have devised a
method of dispensing authority through a corresponding system reward and punishment.
The method and system take this form: request, admonitions, warning and exception are
express in the low and shooting voice. If the child does not obey, the voice of authority
grows louder and loses its soothing quality. If the child still does not obey, threats are
used such as “I will whip you” or “I will be angry with you”, or “the aswang or Bombay
will come and get disobedient children” or bribes like “obey me and I will give you
candies, chocolate, or a new pair of shoes,” or flattery,” You are good and obedient
child, so please get me…” if the child still refuse to obey, he is spanked, scolded,
threatened and deprived temporarily of some privileges or sign of affection like kissing,
hugging, and praising. However, the study shows that parents do not resort to deprivation
of love or food as punishment, because the first is not credible (since parents are
forgiving; besides, there are other family members who will surely sympathize with the
punished child) while the latter is consider too cruel and unusual.
While this pattern of exacting obedience from Filipino children still persists in the
provinces, Filipino City children today prove to be a smarter lot. They have become more
conscious and demonstrative of their personal judgment. Being smarter, Filipino urban
child nowadays device ways and means of beating around their parents’ requests or
commands. Oftentimes they distract their parents attention, hoping that after sometime,
their parents might have forgotten what they have requested their child to do. Or, eyes,
these children, will obey, but only after some compromise with their parents. More often
than not, parents soften and give in.
Otherpar4ents may exhibit instant anger and/or asset their authority by scolding or
punishing the child with no explicit explanations given. The child remembers these
occasions and later, may rebel or worse, hate his parents when he grows up. Today’s
children, Filipino children included, are more vocal and outspoken. Some Filipino parents
resent this and feel they brought up offspring’s who are actually little demons” or that
God has sent them “a cross to bear all their lives”, or in the native tongue, pasanin sa
buhay.
Actually this emphasis on obedience is no guarantee that the Filipino child comes
out more obedient than his counterparts in other countries. Spanking is effective if
administered sparingly and only for good reasons. Frequent, indiscriminate physical
punishment makes for hostile children. Hence, rather than being quick with belt or with
the rod, perhaps Filipino parents and guardians should lay down the children go out to
play or mess up ion living room or if one has specific instruction about being clean, quite
and helpful, then parents or adult have to make themselves clear about infractions.
Appropriate disciplinary measures such as no, TV., no shopping spree, no ice cream, no
park visits, or similar withdrawal of privileges may be imposed. Parents should firm
about rules but should adjust the rules whenever necessary to meet the child’s need and
situation. For example the child’s bedtime schedule. When it’s a special occasion such as
Christmas or new year or when the child’s cousin from a distant province come to visit,
the child’s bedtime may be a little extended. Moreover, to be effective, discipline has to
be consistent. All adults in the household enforce one rule. Oftentimes when young
Filipino couples stay with their parents, the couple’s method of discipline varies and thus,
the children get wrong signals. All misdemeanors should be handle in the same manner
and only one source of disciplines should prevail.
Children are sensitive, individual human beings should be handled as such. No,
not as pets, not as toys, not as objects. Reasoning out with children has always proved to
be a rewarding growth experience, both for children as well as adults. Explaining why
certain acts are not allowed, speaking to children in normal tones, listening to their fears
or perceptions of events, may turn out to be channels of effective, productive
communication. Parents who are autocratic or liberal should take the middle course.

DISCIPLINING VS. SPOILING

Crossing the border of discipline and reaching the tenuous line of spoiling
the child has often been the bane of parents. Raising the child entails discipline and it
simply means a particular system of rules and regulations for a certain mode of behavior
or conduct. This systemic imposition or better, molding or shaping of a child’s behavior,
(which includes values and attitude) is done under direction and control. If the control
lapses, then the act of spoiling the child begins. And this is where parent fail. They let go-
give in to their child’s demands under the guise of love or affection, when, in fact, this is
the fragile point of loosening up the control or system. Why parents give in their child’s
whims covers a whole area of speculation in the filed of sociological and moral
discussion.
It is a parent’s right to discipline and to spoil his child. It is a parent’s choice and
decidedly, there is no fault-finding here involved except that the parent becomes the
ultimate, key respondent. As such he alone is culpable, deserving of censure and blame.
Perhaps at this point it is relevant to feature how some Filipino pedestrians express their
views on disciplining and spoiling the Filipino child.
“the Filipino concept of discipline and spoiling the Filipino child has undergone
subtle changes through the years but one thing is definite: the traditional Filipino
discipline is slowly giving way to spoiling,” points out Dr. Author Ludan, a noted
pediatrician who balances out his highly successful career with his family needs. Dr,
Ludan elaborates, “in the past, the rule in the child rearing was strict discipline and this
concept was the product of our cultural past. Children had to follow house rules very
strictly, that is, they were not allowed to answer back, etc. Strict authorization rule by the
parents was supreme. Parents did not spare the rod and would justifiably spank their child
for disobedience and misdemeanors,” He does not mince words as he traces the change.
“with the passage of time, however, western influence seeped in and diluted our cultural
mores and together with the growing affluence of many families, this strict disciplinary
rule began to crumble. Parents became more liberal, flexible and tolerate of their
children’s caprices and misbehavior. This situation is compounded by yaya system as
yaya generally are not permitted to scold or spank their wards.”
Dr. Mike Noche, a pediatric asthma and allergology specialist, shares Dr Ludan’s
observations. He said “there is a marked difference in the way modern Filipino parents
bring up their children. The old way was quit strict and rigid, pretty much patterned after
our Spanish disciplinarian colonizers. Today’s modern Filipino family, while still
conservative in some ways, is more open and tends to be more western in aptitude.”

There are plus and minus points in this regard. Dr. Myrna Rosel, a pediatrician who
specializes in kidney disease among children, cites some of them. “some of the good
points in today’s raising of children among Filipino families include allowing children to
make their own decisions; this instills their independence and awakens their sense of
responsibility. Besides, children are forced to face up to the consequence of their decision
and this teaches the lessons in maturity.” These, however, are upset by what Dr. Rosel
perceives as the double-edged effect of granting Filipino children the independence they
crave for. She stresses, “this sense of independence is double-edged. This is where adult
experience comes in. Filipino children do make wrong choices or wrong decision so I
think they should be guided. Parents, guardians or any responsible other, should take time
out to discuss with these Filipino children the intricacies and complexities of whatever
decisions they are bound to make.”

“Disciplining a child means resorting to measures assuming attitudes that will develop
correct values in the child, or to immediately correct misbehavior or deviations from
accepted norms, whether social or moral,” states Dr. Elaine Siao Ty, a pediatrician at
metropolitant hospital. She is more emphatic when she defines spoiling the child as “
failure at parenting”. It means “letting the child do what he or she pleases, irrespective of
what he or she does is right or wrong. It is failure to correct whatever misbehavior the
child does.”

Enchong other pediatrician’s and parents sentiments, Dr. Cailao stresses, “ with discipline
there are rules you set and you establish a good communication line. I believe
communications is the key disciplining children. Parent should established a regular time
where they and their children can chat, can discuss, can share, no matter how routinary or
silly their dialog ends up to be. Communication should become a matter of habit so that
even if children grow older, as teenagers, when they would rather be their peer group or
barkada, this children, this teenagers, shall still talk with their parents and other members
of the family if this family has been used to dialoging.”

“Parents who spoil their children are those guilt feelings so they equate love with giving
them material things