The Hindu story of the first couple and the first arranged marriages

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Dear All: Recently, there was some discussion (in a different forum) about why the bride's family is expected to bear the entire cost of the wedding and if there is any scriptural basis for such (an unfair) practice. This brings us to the topic of the very first marriages, which were "arranged" marriages, as described in the Srimad Bhagavatam (SB).

After several failed attempts in his plans to populate all the lokas (as was commanded by Bhagavan), Brahma, finally created the first human couple, Swayambhoo (male) and Shataroopa (female). They started populating the lokas (i.e., the worlds where different life forms are found), following what is the known as Maithuna dharma (sexual reproduction). Mithuna refers to a couple and Maithuna is the abstract form, like the words happy and
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happiness. The same term is used for the astrological sign for Gemini, depicted by twins, or a couple. This first couple, about whom sadly few Hindus know, is the Hindu equivalent of Christian Adam and Eve. But unlike Eve, this couple sprang entirely out of Brahma, both the male and the female. Brahma is also known by the single syllable name "Ka". Since the couple emerged from "Ka", the human body we all have is referred to, in Sanskrit, by the word Kaayaa, which means that (yaa, means that) which was produced by "Ka", or emerging from Brahma (Ka). This first couple, produced on the very first day of Brahma's life (we are now in the first day of the second half of Brahma's life, i.e., first day of

http://www.indiadivine.org/audarya/hinduism-forum/412895-lord-brahma-slife-span-chronological-order-eras.html http://www.indiadivine.org/audarya/hare-krishna-forum/243741-brahmas-lifespan-context.html "Those who have researched the Vedic scriptures in depth can calculate the lifetime of Brahm. Human beings count 365 days in their year, and the cycle of four yugas comprises approximately 4,320,000 such years. A thousand cycles of four yugas make up one day-time (twelve hours) of Lord Brahms life. In this way his month and year can be calculated, and Brahm lives for a hundred years of his time. But despite this vast life span311 trillion 40 billion human yearsLord Brahm is a mortal being, and this universe created by him is also perishable. Thus it is not strange that human beings, who are also his creation, should perish. As human beings seem immortal to a tiny insect, so Lord Brahm and the demigods seem immortal to us. In fact, however, no material body of any form is ever eternal." (extract from 'The Science of Devotion')

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Brahma's 51st year in the Brahma-lifespan of 100 Brahma-years), had three daughters, Aakuti, Devahuti and Prasooti, and two sons. The sons were named Priyavrata and Uttaanapaada. Of the three daughters, Devahuti, the middle one, is the most renowned. She was given away in marriage to the sage Kardama and this is described in detail Canto 3. Aakuti was given in marriage to the sage Ruchi and Prasooti was married to Daksha. Indeed, the progeny produced by Daksha's daughters (both human and, yes, non-human as well), has populated the universe. Daksha had 16 daughters with Prasooti (Canto 4, chapter 1, verse 47) and 60 daughters with another wife named Asikni (Canto 6, chapter 6, verse 1). Notice the preponderance of female births during this period. Devahuti too gave birth to nine daughters (in a single pregnancy!) and then gave birth to a son. (So, Octomom does NOT hold the record for the number of babies born in a single pregnancy!) Bhagavan Himself was born as the son of Devahuti and Kardama and was known as Kapila in that avatara. He instructed His mother Devahuti in Sankhya yoga. This is the original Sankhya yoga, later also taught by Krishna to Arjuna (in chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita). Devahuti and Kardama's story is therefore described in some detail in Srimad Bhagavatam (Canto 3, chapters 21 to 33). The instructions of Bhagavan, to His mother Devahuti, are also referred to as Kapila Gita. Recently, ISKCON has published a portion of Kapila Gita as a separate book. Brahma ordered the sage Kardama to take up a wife and procreate. Having been so ordered, the sage then started performing austerities on the banks of the river Saraswati for 10,000 years, see also discussion in link below. http://kinkari108.blogspot.com/2011/06/seeing-through-eyes-of-sastra.html Bhagavan was pleased with Kardama's penances and appeared before the sage and offered him a boon. When the sage dutifully asked that he wanted a wife, the Srimad Bhagavatam states that Bhagavan shed a tear from the corner of His eye. "So much penance and all this guy wants is a wife, not moksha!" That seems to have been Bhagavan's reasoning to shed
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the tear. This tear shed by Bhagavan transformed into a huge lake, known as Bindusarovar. The waters of Saraswati fill this lake and are the most purifying of all, as sweet as nectar, and are relished by all Maharishis. The lakes surroundings are the most blissful of all. After receiving blessings from Bhagavan Himself, the sage Kardama continued his penance at the same place, awaiting the appointed time when, as promised to him by Bhagavan, when he would be offered the daughter of Swayambhoo Manu. At the same time, Swayambhoo Manu also received instructions from Bhagavan that he should seek the sage Kardama since he was the fitting husband for Devahuti. The celestial rishi, Narada, also appeared in the Swaymabhoo household, and extolled Kardama's virtues, and Devahuti fell in love with Kardama and wanted him for her husband. So, Swayambhoo Manu finally appeared with his wife and daughter at the ashrama (hermitage) of the sage. Before revealing the purpose of his visit to sage Kardama's ashram, Swayambhoo Manu offers his humble obeisances to the sage and in turn is welcomed by the sage with all the honors due to an esteemed guest. The preliminary conversation between the sage and Swayambhoo Manu is worth recalling here, since here Swayambhoo Manu also speaks about the description given in the Purusha Sooktam about how the different varnas were created. Here it is stated that the four varnas were created from the different limbs of Brahma's body (Viraat shareera). Brahma himself praises Bhagavan using the Purusha Sooktam (when all the devas, Lord Shiva and Brahma visit Mahavishnu before Krishna's appearance) but in the latter case the Viraat shareera must be Bhagavan's not Brahma's as stated in Swayambhoo's Manu's version. The description of Bhagavan's Viraat shareera is found in Canto 2 (chapter 6, verses 41 to 45), Canto 3 (chapter 6, verses 30 to 36 describe creation of varnas) and again in Kapila Gita section of Canto 3, chapter 26, in the instructions of Bhagavan to Devahuti.

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Swyambhoo Manu tells the sage Kardama, "Brahma, who is the very embodiment of the Vedas (the Vedas were literally implanted into Brahma by Bhagavan), created the Brahmanas like you from his face (Brahmaasrujat swamukhato, verse2, chapter 12, canto 3) in order to protect these divine revelations. That is only possible by those like you who are the very treasure houses of tapas (austerities), vidya (knowledge), yogas, and full detachment (vairagyam, but the word used is anala lampataan). And, then, as if wanting to protect his own creation of this divine embodiment of the Vedas, Brahma with his thousands of heads, arms, eyes, legs, etc. decided to create us Kshatriyas as well from his strong and mighty arms. And, so Brahmanas are also called the heart of Brahma and the Kshatriyas as the very body of Brahma." (verse 3, chapter 12, canto 3). "And, thus the different varnas are connected and related to the same body and being connected to the same body, the real protector of all is Bhagavan Sri Hari Himself. It is He who is manifested in all these forms and yet remains untransformed (sadasadaatmakahaa). After being blessed with your darshan (sight), I am now convinced of this eternal truth since you spoke to me with such high praise of the duties of a king when you welcomed me into your hermitage. It is clear to me that it is Bhagavan Himself who is eager to protect dharma in everyway, through this." Tava sandarshanaat evacchinnaah may sarva samshayaahaa l Yat swayam Bhagavan preetyaa dharmam aaha ririkshishoho ll 3.12.5 ll These verses clearly describe, through the conversation of Swaymabhoo Manu and the sage Kardama, the order that Bhagavan wanted in the lokas when He created the different varnas (literally colors, or classes of people, like using color codes to distinguish similar objects; in English we use the divisive word castes). Each was meant to co-exist as co-equal and all being in eternal connection with the Supreme Himself. It is indeed, sad, that we have strayed so far in the 21st century from this ideal as described in the Srimad Bhagavatam. In fact, Canto 3, chapter 6, verse 33 refers to the
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emotion called seva vrutti (the desire to serve the Lord, shushrooshaa). It was created (born) from Bhagavan's feet for the siddhi (successful accomplishment) of Dharma, and this in turn (i.e, from the quality known as shushrooshaa) took the bodily form (tasyaam jaatah, tasyam refers to shushrooshaa) as the Shudra varna. Padbhyaam Bhagavato jagnye shushrooshaa dharma-siddhaye l Tasyaam jaatah puraa shoodro yadvrutyaa tushyate Harih ll 3.6.33 ll SB Yete varNaah swadharmeNa yajatanti swagurm Harim l Shraddhayaatma-vishudyartham yajjaataah saha vruttibhihee ll 3.6.34 ll SB The next verse 34, states that Bhagavan is thus pleased with the activities of ALL the four varnas. Each recognizes the Lord Hari as their Guru, the Master. Each is blessed with their own dharma (swadharma), or prescribed activities. The discharge of each one's swadharama is extremely cleansing and purifying and is to be engaged with great devotion. What this also means is that those who simply serve, or become servants, are also blessed by Bhagavan with the quality known as devotion. Most servants, especially those we call trusted servants, feel an intense sense of loyalty to their superiors. This is how all four varnas also develop the feeling of devotion, when they understand that they are serving the Lord, have become His servants! Dasoham, Dasaanudasan, say the devout. Before offering his daughter in marriage, Swayambhoo Manu, fully aware that he is addressing a sage (who has performed great austerities and has no desires of any kind and certainly no lust in his heart), points out to the sage Kardama the following. "When an object of desire (udyatasya hi kaamasya) presents itself, there is no question of debating about it. Such an argument is not worthy of any praise. (In other words, one should accept and enjoy the object of desire.) One who rejects such an opportunity when presented and then goes about
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begging for it elsewhere, becomes disgraced, loses all of his glories and is scorned. Obviously, such a situation cannot even arise with a honored sage like yourself who is free of all attachments." Swayambhoo Manu is very skilfully preventing the sage Kardama from rejecting his offer of the daughter in marriage by pointing out that the sage is being presented with the opportunity to enjoy an object of desire and he should not reject it. Indeed, rejecting such an offer would itself be contrary to the principle of freedom from any type of attachments! Rejection would imply the sage is attached to something else (tapas) and finds that (his tapas and austerities) more attractive. A very clever argument indeed to force Kardama to accept his daughter and enter into married life. The words used by Swayambhoo Manu in this context, when he offers Devahuti in marriage are also exactly the words used in Valmikis Ramayana, when Janaka offers his daughter Seeta to Rama. Tat prateeccha dwijaagra yemaam .... (verse 11, chapter 12, canto 3) while Janaka says, "Prateechchainaam bhadram te..." Janaka says that Seeta will be a fitting wife who will help you fulfill all your dharmas. Swayambhoo says, his daughter is well versed and will take care of your household and is wholly and fully a perfect soulmate for you (sarvaatma roopaa). Needless to say, the sage Kardama, without any hesitation, accepts the offer of the beautiful daughter in marriage. She praises her beauty and considers himself to be blessed to have her offered to him in marriage since her beauty was so ravishing that many celestials wanted to marry her. She is so beautiful, Kardama says, that even ornaments feel ashamed and fall off her body unable to adorn her. Who is it who will say so to such a daughter of yours. I shall wed her following the highest of the marriage rituals prescribed (of the eight types of marriage, the Braahma marriage is what Kardama is referring to, where a daughter is offered by the parents to a fitting groom).

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Now, comes the so-called "dowry" part. After accepting the offer of marriage, the sage Kardama became very quiet and his mind and heat were filled with devotion for the Lord. He was envisioning the Lord's smiling countenance (as when He appeared before when He asked to be blessed with a wife - prasanna vadanam, here the word used is smitashobita, One whose face is adorned with a beautiful smile). Not only that, in his heart the sage Kardama also envisioned Devahuti and her beautiful countenance and enjoyed the feeling with all his self - lulubhe Devahootyaah. Both the Lord's countenance and Devahuti's countenance were together merged in Kardama's heart! Swayambhoo Manu was accompanied by his Queen Shataroopa and his daughter. He could see that they were both fully prepared to accept the proposal of marriage made by to Kardama. (In a different canto, where the same marriage is described, Swayambhoo, it is mentioned, consulted Shataroopa and asked her opinion, since Kardama was a sage who liked to perform austerities and would eventually leave their daughter and become a sage again. So, he wanted to make sure that the proposal of giving Devahuti to Kardama was agreeable to his queen. Indian marriages, or Hindu marriages, have very many subtleties that are not fully appreciated by the uninformed! Immense power is wielded by the wife in the marriage.) After ensuring their full consent, of both his daughter and the mother, Swayambhoo offered his daughter to Kardama. The Maharani Shataroopa was overjoyed and bestowed upon her own daughter and her son-in-law many gifts and great wealth (Mahaa dhanaan). She showered them with all kinds of extremely expensive ornaments and dresses (bhooshaavaasaah) and other gifts fitting a household. And thus, began the joyful custom of giving what has now come to be known as the dowry by the bride's family when a daughter is given away in
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marriage. It was a joyful giving. It was what a mother wanted for her daughter. It was never meant to be what it has become today. Why don't we understand this? Unfortunately, few Hindus even know this story. Everyone knows Adam and Eve but not even a handful have heard about Swayambhoo and Shataroopa and their sons and daughters. Yes, they also had two sons but this the story of their daughter and among the first of the arranged marriages as described in our scriptures. It should also be mentioned here that it was the father Swayambhoo Manu who was overcome with emotion and started shedding tears profusely. He could not bear the thought of separation from his daughter. He held her in his arms and started crying so much so that her hair got wet and was fully soaked with his tears (verse 24, chapter 6, Canto 3). An exactly similar description of a fathers sorrowful parting away from his daughter is given by Kalidasa in his most beautiful play Abhigyana Shakuntalam. The most beautiful act in this drama (the fourth act) starts with the sloka expressing the sorrow of the sage (Kanva) who had raised Shakuntala as his own daughter (biological daughter of Vishwamitra born when the sage was seduced by the apsara Menaka, who was sent by Indra to disturb the latters penances). Finally, there is another beautiful sloka that begins the description of the married life of Devahuti and Kardmana, which should be recalled. After offering her hand in marriage, and after her parents had departed from the ashrama of the sage, Devahuti started serving her husband (who reverted back to his mode of tapasya and austerities) with great devotion. She did not need any instructions about what needed to be done at any time. She expertly understood what her husband wanted at every moment, just from his gestures (ingita kovidaa). He followed him everywhere (paryacarat), and served him daily with great joy (nityam preetyaa). How well did she serve her husband? Devahuti is now given the ultimate in compliments. Devahuti served Kardama like (iva) Bhavani (Parvati) served Her Lord (Prabhu) Bhava (Shiva).
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Pritrubhyaam prastithe saadhvee patimingita kovidaa l Nityam paryacarat preetyaa Bhavaneeva Bhavam Prabhum ll 3.13.1ll SB

Bhavaneeva Bhavam Prabhum. This is the ideal relationship between husband and wife - the ideal married relationship - as envisioned in the Srimad Bhagavatam. All devout Vaishnavites should remember this statement from the Srimad Bhagavatam. There are obviously many interesting lessons to be learned from this story of the first (of three) arranged marriages (of Swaymabhoon and Shataroopas three daughters) described in the Hindu scripture. I usually do not like to dwell upon preachy things but will make an exception here.

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1. The name of the first couple Swayambhoo and Shataroopa. Every Hindu should know these names, just like everyone knows Adam and Eve. 2. Every family seeks a husband for their daughter. Somewhere along the way this too got turned around, with daughters to be sought for sons. The sons were supposed to focus on their education and spiritual advancement without developing any kamas, i.e., desire for married life. The future groom after he returns from the gurukulam (where he learns from a guru) is so disenchanted with his own parental home that he wants to go away for spiritual pursuits. It is the brides parents who throw a curve ball into this plan by interceding and offering their daughter in marriage. He is then instantly overcome by kama (lust) and agrees to the proposal. This is the significance of the enactment of the practice of Kashi yatra, still followed at least in Tamil Brahmin weddings. Even Lord Shiva, who is called Kameshwara, could not resist the charms of Mohini, even with Parvati seated next to him, according to the Srimad Bhagavatam. Since Shiva had consumed the poison known as Haalaahala (which was extracted from the milk ocean before amrutam), he did not see Mohini, the female incarnation of Mahavishnu, created to delude the asuras (demons) and ensure that only the devas (the gods) got the amrutam (nectar, ambrosia). So, Shiva wanted Mahavishnu to reveal that form once again to him. When Mohini reappeared, she was so seductive that, according to the Srimad Bhagavatam, Shiva ran after Mohini like a bull in heat. Please, do not get offended by such statements which come straight from the scriptures. Recognizing them in their entirety, without false embellishments, or pseudo-morals, actually helps us overcome our kamas.
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3. What is called dowry is the gift bestowed upon willingly by the mother upon her daughter. We must understand and correct some of the modern oppressive practices since this is contrary to dharma. 4. The ideal married partnership is described here as the one between Shiva and Parvati. All Vaishnavites should remember this as well, not just Rukmini and Krishna, or Satyabhama and Krishna, or Mahalakshmi and Narayana. 5. The origin of the four castes, with caste becoming a highly charged and divisive term, is completely misunderstood. Swayambhoon Manu describes this relationship beautifully and mentions that all the varnas (colors, like color coding similar objects to distinguish them, all are equal, same, is what is implied by the Sanskrit word varna) are part of the Lord. Everyone is serving the Lord to ensure the establishment of dharma. Each varna practices its own swadharma. The desire to serve (shushrooshaa) sprang from the feet of the Lord and this desire is what in turn transformed into (i.e., took bodily form) as the Shudra varna. 6. No man should refuse the advances of a woman, or refuse the hand of a woman who is offered in marriage. This is also mentioned in the story of Diti and Kashyapa. The sage Kashyapa, who was engaged in his evening prayers when Diti was overcome with lust, at first refused her advances and begged her to control her desire to unite with him, since the time was inappropriate. The sage knew this from his divine vision. But, when she persisted, he relented, stating that a womans advances should never be refused, especially by a Brahmana. (Does the reverse also apply? Ah, there goes another controversial topic, indeed the controversy of all controversies!) 7. The story also tells us how, according to Hindu scriptures, the world is populated (after Brahma creates the first couple). The daughters produced by the first couple are married to sages like Ruchi and Kardama, the Prajapatis, who are created independently of Brahmas
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creation. At the end of each kalpa, the higher lokas where the rishis and other higher forms of celestials reside (Maha, Jana, Tapa, Satya) are not destroyed.

Very sincerely

V. Laxmanan September 6, 2011

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