Loc Duong Period 1 AP Lang &Comp October 25, 2011 Family Arrangments Implied Argument: You have to look

on the brighter side of things. Older generations always want the best for future generations. Essay Imatating: Homeward Bound by Janet Wu

But Father I dont even know him. How can he and I just get married like that? cried Ti Hong, pleading to her father to not marry her off. Bad daughter! You cant question me, you do as I say. Now go get ready for your engagement party tomorrow. Tis father respond angrily. This is a scene typical in most Asian dramas where the girl is being forced to marry someone they dont even know. Having watched things like this million of times I never thought much of it other than its a good drama. But after learning about my grandmas past I now can relate these story lines back to my grandmother and relate it to the time periods that she had lived. Born as a girl into a conservative and male-dominant society of Vietnam in the 1920s my grandma was destined to have her future planned out. She didnt have a say in what she want or didnt want. From my aunts stories I found out things that Ive always thought of as a tale but it happended to my grandma. She had to live within social restrictions and follow the rules that is now viewed as out-dated.

In the summer of 2009 my entire family gathered together for a family reunion. It was also a celebration of my grandmas life because it was her 5th death anniversary. The reunion was only for the weekend so we planned to meet up on Saturday and all go to the temple on Sunday. It was Saturday night and my entire family just came back from dinner at a restaurant. With lots of people around my aunt, who I call Co Hai, became especially chatty. We all sat around my uncles living room so talk some more. My little cousin then asked my aunt to tell us stories about our grandparents. My aunt seem hesitant but with everyone was encouraging her, she decided to tell the story of how my grandparents got married. My aunt said my grandparents got married really young; my grandpa was 18 and my grandma was only 16. This kind of took me by surprise because I couldnt imagine being married so early. My grandparents were virtually strangers to each other because they had only met a few times before their wedding. Their parents had arranged this marriage before they were born. Coming from wealthy families so they were well off but it was hard on both of them. From the beginning, my grandma was very unhappy but as my grandparents got to know each other more she eventually warmed up to my grandpa. My aunt was their first-born so my grandma vowed not to repeat what her parents did to her child. My aunt recalled that my grandma encouraged her to do anything she wanted; they allowed her to go to school and learn French, which is a rare thing for a girl to do in the 40s in Vietnam. My grandparents did not restrict my aunt from dating but did keep a close eye on her, as she got older. My grandmother did not tell my aunt much about her past until the night before my aunts wedding. That night the two cemented their mother-daughter relationship; my grandma told my aunt everything and told her that she was lucky to be born to a later generation. My aunt asked, Why did you marry daddy if you did not want to? My grandmother answered with a

simple Vietnamese proverb Cha m t u con ngi , which means you sit wherever your parents place you. At this point of telling us the story Co Hai started to cry, she said she grateful for all the sacrifices her mom had made so that she could have a better life. I felt terrible that we have made her dig up the unhappy past that she had buried long ago. My other aunts eyes were getting watery also. One of them said that they never knew of such event happened to my grandma. My aunt then went over to my grandparents alter and lit an incense for both of them. We all followed suit; everybody lit an incense and prayed. As far back as I can remember I have always seen my grandma as fun and supporting. Since my grandma lived with my family, she and I really bonded. My grandma was a great storyteller so she told me stories about the Vietnam War, her daily chores back then, and some crazy things that happened. She used to side with me whenever my parents yelled at me. I used to run and hide in her room when I made my parents mad. She used to give me treats when I come home from school. One time I remember she stayed up to take care of me the whole night when I was sick. She was always smiling and joking with us kids when we have family gatherings. She was like the glue that held us all together. My grandma loved the festivities so she invited people to come over all the time. She would make plans and arrange for all the grandchildrens birthday parties every year at her house. But that all change after my grandma fell and broke her hip, everything seemed more quite and she became more reserved. My grandma passed away at the age of 87. Now every year all of my uncles and aunts try to arrange their schedules so we all can have a reunion once a year in the summer around her death anniversary. They said this is the least we can all do to keep her memories alive.

Now when I watch Asian dramas about arranged marriages, I think that must have been how my grandma felt back then. For me besides watching those dramas, I only feel connected to my grandma when my aunt tells us stories. However, it is a hard thing to do because our worlds are so different and I could not experience what she experienced back then. Like my aunt, am I too very grateful for having such a loving grandma, or as I call her B Ni, and how she stayed strong all of her life. Therefore, every night, I light incense for my grandma to kind of tell her about my day and remember our fun times we had.