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t ;Otiginallydirected by ANDYFICK.MAN
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andproducedhy STEPHANiE STEELE for DEAD OLD MAN PRODUCTIONS
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Orchestrations by David Mallrting & Nathan Wang


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22:9 West 28
th
Street u.tI! FIQ'Ot. New York, NY 1000t
Tel (212,) 5644600" Fax (21;2)

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Copyright 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2007 by Dan Studneyand Kevin Mwphy. International

Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved.



i
'Ii'- .
Professionalsandamateutsare is fully protected by copyrig'bt in the
'United States cfAtuericlt. the .British COmlllOJlwea)th !i.ndlt.tdiQ,gCanada) and ,other "
throughout the world ..Atldgbts,incluWnperthl'l1Ulnce ofanykindof:nawre by professioamsor f
.amateurs,recitatl:on. .1eeturing,publicreading,radioor televislonbroadas1;,ca;ble tele.ion,
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stQring in;aretrieval ;system, tnm.sInitt:ing ,manyi(}rt:n meanswhatsoeveI;,including lnecbanical .
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is an Infril'lgement ofcopyrighttnerebyenlitling the copyright owners toinjunctiveandojher retieno .
thefu]l 'extent.of1helaw,
REEFll:RMADNSS!Copyright1998, 2000, 2006 by Dan StuQne:yand KeYin
ROMEO&' JULIET Copyright 1'998, 2000 and 2@Q2by Dan Studneyand Kevin Murphy..1'lJE
S1'tIFFCopyright. 1998., 2()OO and 2002 by Dan Studney and Kevin Murphy. DOWN ATTJlE OL'
FIVE ANDDlMECopyrlght@ 1998., 2000, 10.02 and .2006
J.IMMYTAl{ES AllITC'QPyright 1998,2000 '8lld:2002by Dan Studney and .Kevin Murphy. 'THE
ORGY Copyright @ 199.8,2000, 2()02 and 2006 by Dan Stnooey and .KevinMwphy. LONLV PEW
@ 2002 .and2{)06by DanStudneyand ..LlSTENTOJESlJ$,
Cppyright 1998
1
2QOO,2002atld 2006 by Dan KevinMuq:iby.LUliLA.:nYE C()pyrl,ght .
1998, 2000 and 2Q02by Dan Studney and KeVin Murphy. MARY JANElMA.RYLANE Copyright@>
.2006 by Dan $tudney and 'KevdnMurphy. ACT JFlNALE Copyright@ 199$, 2000 and .2002 by.Dan
Swaney and Kevin Murphy ..J'IMMVON THE LAMCopyrlght 1998;,1000,and 2002 byDan
andKiMnMurp'hy.tllEm.tOWNIE80NG C,<>pyright byDanStudneYand :Kevin Murphy.
DOWN ATTHEOL'FIVE AND Copyright@ 2002 by Dan Stud;ney and Kevin
Murphy.LI1'1'I.i MARYSUNSBlNE COPYIight 2000 and 2002 .Studneyand Kevin .
Mwphy.l\fA.RY'S DEATH CQpyrlght , :2002 and l006byDan Studney andKevm Muq)hy.
MUlIDERl Copyright 2002 by DanStudneyandKevin Murphy. THE STUFF(REPRiSJl:}
1998,2000$1 2002 by KevinMurphy. LISTEN TO JESUS" .JIMMY (REPRiSE)
Copyright 1998, 2000, 200.2 and 2006 'by Dan Studneyand Kevin Murphy. 'I'RE 1'IttrfBCopy;right
2002 atld '2006 byDan Studney and Kevin Murphy" .
FOR ALL SONGS LISTED ABOVE: JnternationalCPpyright Securw. Ail.Rights Reserved.
JimrnyIlm;per- A whoie$'ome,lnnocent, :1righsdhool teenager who .rons intottolible after he is lured into
thedangetous worlddfreefer.
Lecturer- A.severeauthority figure Whowamsthe;audience ofthepeiilsofReeIrerMadaess. (Doubles as
Mir.Popp)" I1i$Prlest,Old Man,Radio
Mary Lane - Jimnly'ssweetheart, ;anaive,virginai.teeilage girl.
..Tack Stone -The handsoll'1eana rnthlessproprietor o.f the Reefer 30':sgangster llloVie..type.
(Doubles as Jesus,George Washington) .
Mae -.Anattraotive, yetsltghtlyhaggaroda:rnein Jthehostess<:tftheReefer Den.
Ralph Wiley - A denizen 'ofthe Reefer DeQ, follJlaily ,a fratetnityman. .hiscollege days ended long ago
dueto his reefer 1mbi!. {Doubles as Sally's Baby, Switeh.,.Pu11er, Uncle:Sam)
Sally -,A seXy and seductiveresidentp.I the Reefer 'Den, she possesses the libidinous sow of Mae West
combined with moxie of vintage Barbara Stanwyck.(DoublesasLadyLiberty)
PlacardGirI- Throughout the play she .reinforces the 'by holding large signs that
cleany:state the moralofwbatwe've juSt seen. (Doubles as Kid, Police Officef)
'Ense.a:lble- Mixedgendergrouptoreptesent Reefer Zombies, I{;idsatthe Five andnime, Jungle Orgy
dancers, Angels, and patriotic background c40ms in the Stat-$panglednnale.
ii
ORIGINAL :LOS ANGElESPRODOCTION
REEEER M4DNESS: .TllEMl:JS1CAL was first pre8!mted on April 2;9. 1999,:oy Stephanie Steele for
Oead Old.ManProductions at the Hudson Backstage Theattein Hollywood, Gary Blu:smsack,Artlstic
Directior.Tecbnicai DirectOr: Ritchat4 Dmther;;8tage Manager: JenGlass;:Assistant Stage Manager:
Dcidre Murphy; Sound Design: {Jhet Towle & 10n Massena;qghtDeslgn: Set pesign:
)0_ DaVidPau1; Pen",and.::Ink Designs; Savage Steve . .Hdllan.q.;costume Deit,gn: Dick Ma:gnanti;
Orchesb:tatians; Nathan & David Manning; Music Direction: Nathan Wang & David
FigbtDireetor: \Rick Sordelet;Choreqgrapher: Michael Goorjian; Director: AndyFick!mulw.iththe
fonowingclil:st;

.Mary..........-........................................................................................................................................................ Jone lenldns
Jack ..................... ...'.n...................... " ....................................................... ., ................................................... :Robert T.om
.......................:......... " .........................................n.'.. , ' ...........................:............................................." Lori ,Alan
::RBlph ..................".........................................................; ........ .;"...................................................... " .............. John.Kassir
Silly...........n .....'...............................................................0 ...... '.' ................... 0...........' .............................. Erin'Matthews
PlacardG1rl .................'...........................................n .........................,.............................................. Samantha Harris
.EnsemblelSwlngs':Michae-1 CUDio, Erik Libe.rman, Fidelia Rowe, Stacy Sibley
Additional Swings and Replacemems: Jeff Griggs, Paul Leighton, J.P. Manoux,LeSli
Margherita, EliJah Myles, Wendy Parker, LaITy Poindexter, Matt Sbephard, Rena Ke1li Thacker
Musicians; Marty Buttwiriick, Gary Chase, Ian Dahlberg, Shawn Graha:n:l,Paul LiVingston, DaVid
Manning, DavePriee, Dave Rodgers, Phil Moore, Sid Sosa,NathanWang
The original L.A.p.roductionreceivedfive OvationAwards,seven Los Angeles Drama Cntics Circle
Awards:andsevenBacKstage West Garland Awards. .

























REEFER MADNE$$;:THE MlJ$ICAL 'was reviit;:dand produced 17, 2001,
Off-Broadway at the VarilYi\rts1beatre :by Vema Jam:es L. NederlanCierinAssociation with
.K.t:attlet,Terry andStepnariieSteelci'or Dead Old :ManProduetie:llS. ,sta,ge
Managet:RitcbaTd Dnltbet; Sound Desigtt:Le-wMeade; 'Light Pesign:Robert Pl'rY;SetDesign:Wait
Spangler; Costume .Dsign:Oick Music
Direction: David:Manuing; Fight Directior:RickSQrdelt; Choreographer: Abdtll;j)jrected by
AndyFickm.ail with the followin:geast:


I
.Jirnniy...............'.' .............. n' ,.,.; ......................... '.' . "" ............................, , ...........................ChristianCarnpbell
Le.cturer ...., ............................................ ..............................,.................................................................... Edelman
Mary ................................................................................................................. ............................ .............. Kiiste:n :a'ell
Jack..................................................................,...........................................................................................,...Robert Torti

I
Ma.e....................................................,.. n ...................................................................... .................................Michelle Pawk
R.a1ph.."................................. .................. ...... ....................."...........................,, .....................,..........,.............Johrt Kass'ir
SalJ,y.....".............................H ....................................................................................; ...........................Erin Matthews
;Placar:d Girl .........."................................................................................:................................. ...................;.Roxanne Barlow
EBSemblelSwin:gs: AndreaChamherlin, Jennifer Gambatese,Patil Leighton, MicDaei Seelback
, .,
Additiona1 SwiQ,gs and Replacements: Catherine Timothy Fitz-Gerald, Robert Gallagher,

MOl1yZimpfer .

Musicians: David Mannjtlg, Jonathan Wilkins, Oscar Rodriguez, Bryan Crook, Lianl Hurley
The NewY'ork Production receivea Otatlla DeSk Award Nominations for :Best Lyrics andoJ3estCostumes.
The 1anWMar:y ban" W$ .orlginally writtell for the 200S .fib:nadaptation of ReEFER .
MADNESS and has is'how..'The song,sung in the film :byCbristian
Can'lpbell and Kristen Bell, won the ZOO5En::ttny Award for outstanding Music & Lyrics.
Theo:fJicial website isWWVI.reefennadness,otg


iv



'MUSICA\SY!!""PiUS
ACTJ
Scene 1: A High School AuditQrium.
'REEFaR..l'v1ADNESS .......,........................................................u ............. ,LeturetandCOlllpany ....................
SCeileZ:.A.Back Yard
ROMEO .til; JULIEt.......................................".............................:..................................... ;....., Ji:lll1Ily.and Mary
SceneS: A Reefer Pen
'TIlE STJJFF.............................................n ........... ............. .............. , .Mae ; ........................................................
Scene 4:.AFiv:e-andDinle .Store
DOWN AT tHEOL'FIVE ANDDJME ..................................... Lectu;rer, littuny, Jack andCompa:ny
Scene 5: A Reefer Den
JlM:MYTi\KES A lIlT .......................................................Sa11y, Jimmy, Leeturet
'nm'ORGY ..................................................................................................................,........................... CoPlpany
Scene 6: A Schoolyard, A Su:bu.r:ban Home
Scene 7: A Church
LVN,tiLy :FEW.................................................................................,. ........................................................ Mary
LISTEN TOffiSU$.,.JIM:MY ............................................................................,.............. Jesus and Company
SceneS: A Reeferllen
LtJLLABY'E ............................................................. ............................ "........................... .......n .Baby
Scene 9: A Street, A Priveway, A Balcony
........................................................................Jimmy, Mary and ::Company
ACT ONE FJNA1.E .................................. ...........,.... ...._............................................................... Ct>mpatly
v
Acru
Scene 1: A City :Street, A Trpip.Station
JIMMY ONTIIE LAM ..""........................................... , ..Maty, JitIlWY, Sally, Ralph, andQ;)mPatlY
THEBROWNlE SONG ......................." .............................. " ........................................ ....Jinunyand COIJlpany
Scene 2: A Eiye--and-Dme Store
DOWN AT THE OL'FlVB AND DIME (REPRISE) ....................................................., .............. l&ctttrer
Scene 3: A&eeferDen
LrrTLEMARY SUNSHINE .................................................................................................... :Mary
.MARY'.S DRAm .............."'......................................................................................,........ Jimmy ,and Mary
,scene 4:AReefer.Den
.Ml1QDER......_..................................,...................................................................................,...............COmpany
TftESWFF (.REPRISE) ............................................................, ................................ ..........:MaeanqCo!Qpany
Scene 5:A.n E1lecutlon'Cha,mbet, A Town Square
LISTh"N TO JESUS, .JIMMY.(R,EPRlSE)* ................................................. Jesus, Jimtnyand .company
TIIETRUTH ........" .......................................................................................................................... .,....... Company
*Opuonai Cue
A NOTE ON ,ALTERNA'rELINES AND LYRICS:
For some ofthc more edgy content in the piece, alternate titles and lyrics have bcen provided. The
original lines will be ,marked withan:a.sterisk, and a can be f01U:ld at the end of the
script.
vi
41
PROPUST
ACTO
Scene b ABigh School Auditorium
.
I'
e .Bloodyd:othes

.. 48"'star Americanf11\g
Scene 2: ABack Yard
III BasebaLl bat
'. Schoolbooks
" NeedlQPoint
eCupsandpotofhot.chocolate
Beneh.
eFiat:pcn...;anil-,inkhook - 'Romeo&. Ju.liet"
Scene 3: A R.eeferDen
'(II Ashtray
eBed:sheet
I) Pistol
.. Marihuana cigarette
III
eReeferforIack's Victory Garden
Tmsh,art deeo .bottles, discarded clothing, metal wastecan
11/ 'f;;tttcredcouch
Pile.ofpiltow$
e Blanket
Scene 4: Store
New$paper
\I Goldring
SceBe5: A
..
.. Marihuana cigarettes
Placatd#2
.. Apple
.. HQ9kah
Snake..charmer's instrument
4lighterS
.. Flat pen-and-ink piano
Scene 6: A Schoolyard, A Parki A Suburban Home
Marihuanacigarettes
Stuffed dog
@\ Stuffed cat
vii
-Chainsaw
For coat
Podium
Newspaper
Sc.ene7: 1\ Church
:eM&it1uana:ci,garettes
.Money{bi1J.:s)
Ineenseb:nrner
:Miorqphone
Chalice

Scene 8: A. ReeferDen
,. Radio
Placar4#3
Marijuana Cigarettes
Scene 9: A Balcony
Marihuailaeigarettes
Placard#4
Pistols
.. CiUnese fan (placard #5)
..inkPackard(Mary's car)
Lighter
Pen""and-inkpolice car
"Lane"mailbox
Lecturer'spomter
:.rung
ACTU
Scene 10: A CilyStreet, A Train Statton
mlc:r()phone

Sign: "'TtainStation"
Brownie


.Pen-at\d...inkspeedboat
Pen-and"lnk.airplane
Ticket window. window shade that says "CLOSED"
Pen"'and":ink rickshaw
Marijuana cigarettes
Rin,g
Scene 2: A Five-and-Dime Store
Marihuana cigarettes
viii

C
e Telephone
Newspaper

3: A Refer Den
.Placard;#6
'cigarettes
.Plaeard#/
Pist.tiiS
SmeUlng salts
eGoldri:Itg
.P[acardl8
HandcWifs
Pile ofpiL1ows
Seene4: A Reefer Den
'\II!;oose:pages
,cards
c Marlhuat',la Cigarettes
-Raaro
e'Ratpuppcls
Placard #9
Chinese take-out containers
Sev'rcedhead andatm
Placar4 #10
-Placard #11
.. UanJen'hoe
Humanbeart
.. .Lectu.rei'spodium
Card table'
Pistol
Scene.S:; A TownSqu.are
.Ct)ttJ.tnunfOD'wafers
docmnent
Wheelchak
.. Tambourine

ill Mmihuan.aplants
.. Cardbo'anicut.,()utofJesus
to throw on the bpnfire: DarWin's Orl.ginof the Spepies,a film
canister of f'ftEtappened O:neNight,"a microscope, a telescope,copies of "The Communist
ManifestQ;"''The Importance etc.
Flags
ix
(the yea.r is 1936. We're ina hlgnscnoolauilltorium,somewherem America. 'l'hesetis
most norabie!eature .thatit '1$ covered wiihseJ!lSation(llistle
J9j() "s f;lnti-fniari}zttjlnanewspqper .headlines. .$t isthesceTJeQf (1 10041 Intre
Qrlg/:n(1i
w(lsobi(.lined by mriking.f!y props .and set pielJe.sfofffiJ. 'CUtptpces
ofthin WfJoa ltnibellisheiJwlth two.dimensiohal ''pen..anil''".iT/k'' .imagesth(J.tewke 1931rs
anti..o.ntg (!ilif;o1ilal carto()1J$. ,Lightsup.on the.LECTlJJ1.Jt;R, .:a se1Jere-Jaokinggetltlemanin
5a .cofl$ervative 'f>! Reveisforthe ,evening,thr:1tI(lnwho
wrote and directed this '[Play within a:play. "!light now, he stt:tniJsata simpJe wooden
pot/ium, (.l48-.star Almericanjlagl'rtJm'inentlydispla,ye4lJ.ehindhim.)
lECTUReR
GPodeven.mg. 10 thatlk,evyooe forbraviIrg theweatllerandcoming <olithere tonight.
Ov-erthe yeats. namson H:igh School 'allldittnium has been home tOl1umet"Ous
funetlpli)S--;gmiiuations" for example, ow 8111l:ualCbristma:sPageants, the Dtama.Club'srouch
'the Lilacs." ..

But no'P1J.I'POsethis room nas 1ever served is 1llOteimportant than the om: which brings U$ together
thiseve:n:i:ng.
(pUtlsouta"letter,) .
One .:month ag:o. 'S NovlUbex;, .1'93:6, I received a Jetter from ,no less alu:mina:tytballffiu;ty.1.
...fQrm.edFederalBureau()fNm;:cotics. :It.'is oueofthousamlsof
identical letterspostcdtoconcernea,comlnunityleadersacross thenatl(}n.ln these ietters,Mr.
.cotrlJinanQS Us"-'to take Up annsagainstaleaf.y.greenassllS:SUt. .An assassin
ofyoutb.
. {pauses to .erfjoy the sh(Jck.)
Y ou.are aGput itt) witnss to liife by thereun:ited cast of
Grow the Lilacs, yourstnJiy. As YO'uca:n ,see,
no expense ;ofthls ....'the (lpIltJ;lt ofwhich.may$ilrtle you.
(JI'ke l$C'lVREl(.lettIJS()ver the podium dr49Jllt1c;ar1y!)
It'wou1dn(rt .. t0S'l.tffiQient1y,ernphasiAe
dru;g .menacewmohis they:outh (;.If l\nlerica iD. ala.fflrlngfyincreasillg nunibers.
Marih\l:atllt. y
... is violent nareotie,$l'lln$peakable sco:urge..;the real Publi9 Enemy #.11

HOOLIGANS AND WHORES
VORACIOUSLY DEVOURING
THE WAY THINGS A.RE TODAY
SAVAGELY DEFLOWERING
THE GOOD OL' USA.


















1-;1"':2
,
IT'S...
REEFER MA))NESS! REEFER MADNESS]

REEFER ZOMBIES

REEFERMADNESS'l REEFER MADNESS1



LECTURER

OHSOMAP.!

{.ll};,lMY Q.nti MARY enterwtth a .set piecedepictingtwo-dimensiotJat, life


size images o.f happy .teenagers-football player, cheerleader. nerdy girl, prom queen,

.army inductee, Boy Scout, etc.)

SEE TIm.ltJiDS

PRECIOUS KIDS
YES, THEIlt.HEAOS ARE ON
THE CHOPPING BLOCK
AND SOMEONE'$'GOT TO DARE TO tAKE A STAND
CAN"T IGNO;RE ANYMO;RE
IT COULD BE YQURSON'DRDAUGHTER.

WITH ADEADLYSTtCKOF REEFER


INTHE BAND!

THEY'RE HEAPING STRAIGHT .. FOR..

(The setpiece .splits in two, revealin.g wild-haired REEFER ZOMBIES .hiding behind it!
Each ZOMBIE is a matched-position counterpart of a HAPPYTEEN,creatjng the

illusion ofa TEEN-TO-ZOMBIE transformation. Each ZOMBIE wears(ltattereiJ 'Version

.of'thecorrespondin.g costume . .J1MMY4nd MARYhandojJthe 'Setpiece


and cower from Z(JM1JIBS. The lights now have a spooky graveyard feel. The

LECTURERdefonds.JlMMYand MARYfrom the REEFER ZOMBIES)

ALL
REEf1"&RMADNES5! REEFER MADNESS!

REEFER MADNESS!REEFBR. MADNESSl



LECTURER

SAVB OUR KIDS!
S'I'BALnIY AS A SOCIALIST
IT SLIWERSUP OURSHORES
lE.CTURER& REEFER ZOMB1ES

TURNING ALL oUR ClIILDRENINTO


HOOLIGANs ANDWHOR.BS

LECTURER
THIS SMOKING BOWL OF EVIL
BEARS THE CHOKlNG STENCH OF SIN
IT BURROWS LIKE A WEEVll..
UNDER TENDER CHRISTIAN SKIN
THIS...

I....
ALL
REEFERMADNESSl R$EFERMADNESSI
[{BEFERMi\DlSlESSl
OH.S:OMAJ)1
LECTURER
PULL'f:jjij WOOL
FRQMYOUR EYES
lUGHTEOUSSOIDlERS
FOR 'llHSMERRYWONj)ERHAS TO BE
DESTROYBl}!
FIGB1 THE1JRGE
OF THIS SOPIJ.R:GE
Tt'S DESTRUC1'1VE BOTSEDUCTIVE..
;lOMBIES
So ;SQM!E DRASnCMEASURES.NEiID TO BE
EMPLOYED
LECTURER
TOPUT.ANEND TO...
ALL
REEFER MA.DNESS! REEFER MADNESS!
REEFER-MADNESS! REEFER MADNESSl
OHSOMAD!
LECTURER
DEADLY AiSTRE DEMOCRATS
THAT EMPTY OUT O(JRSTORES
teCTI,JRER& RE'EFER ZOMBIES
Tt1:RNJNG
HOOLIGANS ANJ)WlfORES
LECTURER
TEENAGERS ACROSSntELAND
AltEGLAZHiJ AND
IF YOU FAlL TO OUWnmuNE
YOUR BABIES WILL iaENEXTI
OR!
(J1MMY and MA.RYare trapped by REEFER ZOMBIES, who to close in.)
ALL
REEFER MADNESS! REEFER MADNESS!
RBEFERMADNESS.! REEFER MADNESS!
OHSOMAD!
LECTURER
REEFER ZOMBIES
LECTURER
FIGHT TIm MENACE!
REEFER. ZOMBIES
REEFER MADNESS!
LEctURER
'KILL THE DEVIL!

LECTURER
.SAVE 1JIECOUNTR.Y!
REEFER ZOMBIES
REEFER MADNESS!
ALL
MADNESS! MADNESS! MADNESSl MADNESS!
US .tRAZYBARK}Nll...
(J'h.eREEFERZOMBIES swarm over JIMMf' and MARY.o1>scuting them fr(}fflview.
worn /by .JJ!Mll1andMARYjlyoutfromthe paakQj
ZOMBIES, who havepres.umablydevoured
MAD1MAD!
'theLECWRER,returns to his podium,)
Scene!: .AB,ckMard
LECTURER
Some ofyou .may feel I'm overreacting.. That'sped'ect.1y undetstandab1e.The sW<:eping.pestilence
ofmarlhutma iswgmlerraln Toru/; all. YO'll would not, I think, quick to scoffifyou kn:ew
the details .of.the Harper affair. A ttue story. Whidh happened.here--.inthis veryltown.
(JIMMYre....enters,R baseball hat over htsshoulderanil schoolbooks under his arm lie
sports.a winning, All-American smik)
LECTURER
Jimmy Harper. A fine, upstanding, American lad of some sixteen .summers. Agood .scholar. A
goodatblete. And rq>resentative of aealiber of young man always been proud to graduate
from our schools. Ourstoty begins seven months ago, when Jimmy hosted an after-school study
.'


(MARYre-entets. She's s4;teen, whaJesotne and SWeet as pie. She .do(!.S needl,!point.)
Yes. 'lbat !MaryLane.We:allreadthe:gnaly!acCOlUltsm the fine :newspaper:sQtMt.WiUiam
taste 'afio\Vedfu:c ,great ntan'topoot tuuy thetipofa
very ugly iceberg. Brace yourselfnDw whatrea1ly we.ntontbat
dead1ysprmg.
MUSIC 4: uBRAgE YOURSELF NpW./'
(REEF.ERZO}"fBIlZ$dka.ngethe settiJcrer:tte bcuikyard. J1MMY.'f1nd MAJ(Y sit
O1'J.tl l:ren:ch. 'Studyingi1ftatpen-and-ftik book-"R:omeQandJufiet. . '')
MARY
It'ssweel:ofyouto 'help me:study Romeo and J:uHet.
(ShyTy ta'king'his hand.)
Without your help'l CPIlle :exam time, I would've been oil amp for biscuits.
JIMMY
My pleasure. Where do youwant to start?


MARY
Howaboutthepruh-LOW..gwee?

JiMMY
Pmh..l'OW...,gwee..;?

(Deciphti!rs
Ithlnk.youmeanP.rolo.gue..


MARY
Oh. I keep getting t.luit coi:lfuseawlthMon.:TAY-:gWee.'Thaf'.snotevenarea1 word. I looked for
it intwo
JIMMY
(Laughs.)
Montague. it':s Roweo',s last lUjme.
'MARY
You aresosniart. MYlIlother says you"reaboywho's goingpiaces.
JIMMY
Aw, you don'ttalk about me to your do you?
MARY
I talk about you everybody.
(JIMMYtu'mS.top.our hotchocolate. He smites-he is SO in!)















JUVIMY
Forsooth, fair juliet. WotildSt thO.u likest yon
MARY
Qh, Jirrnny. 'ever tUdyO.u learn to speak like that?
JIMMY
It's fancy talkft()ttl .Romeo and Juliet. 'Cause when a gaywants to' woo a girl. he needs
1
the.right
MARY
Are you...tryi1lg to woo me., JimmylIarp('.r?
MOSICS;.BOMEO.& JULIET
JIMMY
ImEDWORJ)S 'rOTELL YOU "BOUTMYPOlJN])IN'G HEART
FOUR-DOLLAR. WORDS
THAT MAK.'EAOlIYSOIJNPSMART
IGUESSTHAT'SWlIY
THEY 1NVEN1'BD SHAKESPEARE!
HIS AltflCULATIONS
OF ALOVElt"S PALPITATIONS
ARE SO KEEN
(JIMMYpoints toapassage in the book.)
MYBO:UNTY IS AS BOtJNl)LESS AS THE SEA
MY LOVE AS DEEP, TIIEMORE IOJVE TO TImE
MARY
OH, YOU SOUND SO DREAMY
'W!mN YOU TALK DIKE SlI:A.lCESPEAREt
J1MMY&MARY
ARlO VaCABULARVSHOlJL]) BECUSTOMAR,Y
. . ., .
'WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE
(JIMMY and MARYscan the b()okforromanticphrases.)
JlMMV
.LA-LA-'LA-LA-U\..LA YOU'RE A SNOWY DOVE!
MARY
BIRTH OF LOVE!
J1MMY&MARY

HIP-HOORAY FOR SHA.K:ESPEARE!
SURE AS I AMBREATHIN'
YOU CAN MAKE ELIZABETHAN
LANGUAGE FUN
WE ARE JUSTLlKE ROMEO AND JULIET

y'know,


WE'R;EHAPPY,YOUNGANDBUSaLINOWlTH LOVE
JIMMY
I CAN'T WAIT TO READ TIiEENDlNa
.MARY
I;CAN'TErrHER
BUTl'M'$UREITTURNSOUTMALSWELL
IBEX ROMEOMARR:IES HISJU.I.1E:r
J.IMMY
TIffiYHA\'EABABY
MARY
ANO MAKE L<)TSOF FiUENDS
J1MMY& ,MARY
TltA'I"S.PR.oB'LY'Il;IE WAY THE PLAY ENDS
MARY
YOUDom TBACHTIfETOR1CHBS
HOW TO BURN REAL BRIGHT
J1MMY
HANGlN' LIKE A roWEL
UPON TliECHEEKOF NIGHT
JfMMY&MARY
fI.ARIC! WHATUGHT
THROUGH YONDElt WINl)OW.BREAKS HERE?
WE'LL BE FIJ11JRESPOUSJ!S
PUT APLAGOEONBOmOURHOUSBS
rFWE'I{EWRONG
SHAKESPEARE!
(rhey kiss in tableau .flS
... up on the LECTlJRER)
LECTURER
But howcou1d the fiowerofyoung love blossotn in a garden choked with weed----'ihebittet weed
ofthe local reefer den?
MUSIC 6:R:EEFERDEN
(A dramatic thunderciapand gothic pipe organ signal the set changes to the Reefer
Den---tl seedy, shabby place reeking ofperiod atmosphere. A door and a large Window
areups/age.Througn the Window, we can see JACK '3 marihuana uTlictoryGarden"
outside. There 's enough pot growing out there to send Tommy Chong into
geosy:nr:hronOU8 orbit. A low ,saxqpnone growl (heralds ifJACK STONE.
who is backlit in liloodred. HandstJm'ei:m.d ntthless, JACK isa 3'O's g(t1fg5ter movie-;type
who speaks with the staccato C(;l(:/;e:nceoj lhe genre. Lights return to ,J:lOI!7J1(J.J 'as .JACK
surveys the camage .after." The 'room is .littered 'With trash, ,aft deeo
asntr.ays,.spilled bettles and discardedctoihlng. JACKya,J/ks a Jila:n!ket from the icourihto
reveaiasleepin:.g ,MAE-:anattrat;tWedatne in ,her mid-thirtt.es, th.e '':ho$tess''o/the
Reder IJen, who is 111.4ternalantiWiI1J.eraole.Y:ears iifmarihuana use givenh?t a
ho-;ggard, M.unted l()ok, ;'but there 's nothing wrong wtthher ,that 4 hundred riol1ars111li1a
month qfrehab p(JutanYcur.e.)
JACK
'Come on, Mae. Getup offyour duff.
MAE
Whatthne is it?
JACK
'over. Looksfik:ethe landed.
MAE
O:Q,thathunch lastnigllt was high enough to take over the'Marines and the Navy.
(MAE kicks a pile 0/pillows. From undernr::ath emerges a gtoggySALLY--..pne o/their
regular clients. The se.t,Y SALLYpossessesthe libidinous soul ofMae West cut with.the
rat-a-tCit mOxieo/vintage Barbara Stanwyek. She is currently wrapped in .a bed
sheet..andnothingelseJ .
Party'S over., Sally.
SALLY
What a!llight. I was in mote laps thana napkin.
(MAE'emptiQ an .asihtrayl?y /)af{giflgltag.aihSta metal waste can. It makes a I:oud noise.
Prom gjJstage wehedl'cthe sound ala crying baby. SALLYgroCi1'l$.)
Great. Na'Wthe "mm baby'saw$:e.
t<':alling,rtJlstage)
Hold your water!T!
i(The cryingstops.)

{SAIlLYheaiJsf/ffinthe direction .ofthe baby. Throtlgnthewindo'W, we :see ,(!. weedfreak
named RALPH'W11:EYattempt}ng 'to:snitch!reshmarihuana frlJT1J theJl'ictoryGarden.
His soiled, tqtIeredfraternity sweater and tbJrlysomething age ,Wtcate it's been alon.g
tilnesinceRALPH attenaedac/ass--1Jr cluJngedhis clothes. He has wild, unruly hair
and a creepy, twitchy laugh.JACK.noticesRALPH outside,)
JACK
Keep your ham-hooks offmy product!
RALPH
Just..;checking for,bllgs.
(JACKpulls out a pi$toland fires .out the window.RALPHflinehes, spooked.)
(RALPHsCtlttlcsojf. JACKholsters hi$ .gun.andJUrnsto MAE.)
JACK
We .needabetterclass:a"c.lientele.
MAE
At lea"Stthey'reoldenoughto know whattheY'rdomg. Not like those young kids you briD,g up
.her.e.
JACK
011, why don't you buttonyour lip? You're always squawking about something. Ya'got:more
static than the :ra&o.
tMA.!E:s ;expression sours, butshe knows better than to JileKbait$ her..)
bricks over to the Five and Dime and 'br;ingback a couple more kids. Yp:ugot a
problettIwith that?
MAE
Yeah,weIlmayhe.I do.
(JACK slaps her. MAE sinks to the couch, holding her cheek. {N:OXE:This moment,as
with all theinidents ofvwlenceyet toc!tme,shoultln't beplayed}:orcllmp, but.should
havt:! .the IJperatic,lJl'er.;the-tt)pinten$h:y of a 1930's Bmo'Vie-4ik.eJames Caxnt!Y
.sho.ving thegrapql'uitinMae Clal'k'sfacein PublicBnem;yJ) .
JACK
Ifyou 'lrnowwbat'sgooQ f.or you, yoti'Ugetpverthat moth:ercotnplex.
(JACK grabshisha.t and heads for the door.)
MAE
Jack?
JACK
A!l:most forgot. Can't get through the morning without a little toot, Y411''1
(JACK pulls a marihuana cigarette outofhisfPOc1cet and holds itall)}!.. JACJ(andMAE
FREEze. Green light illuminates this tableau,)
CHORUS
(Offstage:)
REEFER MADNESS! REEFER MADNESS!
(Resume action. JACK tauntingly dangles the joint. MAE reaches for it, JACK pulls it
back. Then he drops it onto the floor.)


























1--4-10

JACK

SeeYQuinthe futnlypapers..
(JACK eXits as MAE lights the reeferandsmokes.)
MUSIC ;8:1:HESTUFF


MAE

IOUGHTTOLBAVEHIM
BUT SOMETlHN<3MAKESME.8TAY
IT'S THE STUFF
r'DTRY 'fOnLHIM
BUT MY GUY GfVES.ME DOVE
A N D n m s ~
SOMETIMESHE'$ ]tOUGH
BE TFIROWS .NmDOWNnmSTA1RS
BUT DEEPJNSIDE HE CARES
HE BUYS ME LlNGERlE
.ANJ) THE STUFF

I WAS A SnJDENT
GDQD.GRAPBS AND SO NAIVE
TILLntESTIIFF
A:EiA.NDSOME STRANGER
SOME EMPTYPROMISES

LOTSASTUFF
aur IDQN'T GBTHOOKEJ)
I'M NOT ADDICTED,NO
JJUSTENJOY1lB'E GLOW
I LIKE TO HAVE MY FUN
NOHARMTO;AN'YONE

l'HOUGHTHEF'llNSOMETIMESESCAPES ME
wtmN JACK GEtS :Sl'ClNEDiANI> RAPES MEl
N01'HlNGNt1MBS ME BETTER
THANTHEsn.J:PF
(The PUC:A.RDGlRLen.ters. She 'siJ"essf!dina tight-jitting, sexyoutjit, .lJOtunlike a JO's
cigarette seller. She holds a large signtlbove her head like a boxing-ring girl. It reads:
ul(EEFERgets you B.APEDanil .YOUWQN'TCARE! ,,2Ligktsjade4s...
...the LEC1VRER takes the podium once again.)
LECTURER
The American Five and Dime, a place for young people to convene and socialize under the
watchful eye oftbefriendlyproprietor.
(The LECTURER dons an apron and hat.)


1-4-11
MUSIC ,9: DOWN AT THE OL'F'VSANDOJME
(M4RYjain8(l gaggJe'?fhappy .danCing TEENA:'GltRS:in the Five and Dime. IA.CK leans
ca$J1ally(zgai1J;St the Set, his face o.bseuredby a news,paper.)
LECTURER
AlthGugh$(}lne of the n;toQ.ern dance steps might $eem.abit.risqt,le, par.ents'usually tum a blind
eye,assuming it's all in But wben ihe'iilanoing's done...whosnall paytbe
MARY &TEENS
AFTER .:LETOUT
WE.JUST UKETOGET OUT
TO THBPLACE"WHEREJI'I'l'ERBUGGIN'S
,ALWAYSINst'YLE
SATCHMOIS A.tS'ilNGlN'
OORSEYISA.,;SW!NJJIN"
ASYNCQPA'fED WOND.ERLAND
TP..ATBlUNGS()N ASMlLE
CQME.AND.:S'fRlrrCH'YOURDANCE ABILfITES
NOBODYISFEEUN' iLL AT EASE
.W,HEN YOUR TOES ARE TAPPIN'
ANYlIDNG,CANHAPPEN
DOWNATTHEOL' FIVE AND DIME
lMNClN'
IlANCIN'
lU\ZMATAZZ
't.ll:AT ALWAYS lIAS
YOU SASnAYIN'
SWAYIN'
BUY YOUR GAL$Ol\JEroJUBEES
BESWOO,l'1lN'
SPOONlN'
DOWN ATTHEOL'FIVE.Al'ID DiME!
('l'heLECTl)l{JJR. ,dances on and joins the kids. nOW MIt POPPY, .the friendly
ow.nerofthe store.)
M,R.POPPYlLeCTURER
HEY! IF YOIJ'REFEELlN' GLOOMY
GLlDEONOVERTOME
TRY THE FINEST iCHHRRY FIZZ
IN AIL OF TBELAND
MY.l\.FTiElt SCHOOL OASIS
GETSnm HOFELESS CASES
HOPPIN' AND A.;BOPPIN'
TO 'THEFI'VE AND DIME BAND!
TEENS
YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF A PACK OF SMOKES
MR POppy
1-4-12
TEENS
HOI OOTtA TAKETJIE: GANG OUT
TO THE LOCAL HANGOUT
WHEltEl3BNNYGOO1)MANISKING!
(HMMYenters..,Hegreets MR. POPPY.)
Hiya, Mr.PQPl'Y!
MR. POppy

(MR. .POppy paints ito MARY dancing the room)
A little bird tells me you':replMDing to ask that PtettYYOU!lggai ofyours towea:ryour 'school
rum,
(JIMMY pulls ;out agoJd ring to showhitn.)

1dunna who squealed, but keep itrnum, wiUya? Pmkinda nervous.
MRPOPPY
How come?
.JIMMY
Lookat Mary dance. She's like a swan. Me, I gottwo left feet ;and they're on backwards. Itshe
fmdsout what a lunn-:ti1>e I dump $(:.
MR.PO?PV
Anybody can dance, Jimmy. WeJust need toJposeny()uupJ5-6-7-8J
(MR. POPPYjoins the TEENS dancing. MARY sees JIMMY flnd '11uzkes her way
.
over to
him)
.
TEENS
DANCIN'! nANCIN"
MR. POppy
THEN ENJOY SOME FUNNY BOOKS
TEENS
WE GET FRISKY, RISKY
MR. POppy
COOL OFF WITH A MALTED MILK
TEENS
WE"RE ALL BUMPIN'
COMEJUMPlN
MARY
Hi,Jimmy!
JIMMY
Hey. Mary. I've ,got something '.'
MARY
And I've got )something to ask youl TheiuniorLeague is throwing a ;bigliancecontest at the
armory oil Saturday! And I want you to be;m,y partner!
.JIMMY
Dance contest?:! Dh.. I don't know.
MARY
What's to know? I've beenworkillgonour l'Outine.
(MARY ilances--corny,Out impressive. JIMMY ;looks terrified. The TEENS .cheet and
:app/aud.'her.)
MARY. MR.. POPPV,TEENS
FEEL THE CRAZY RHYTHM IN YOUR FEET
EV'RYBQDY KEEPIT.REETPETITE
BLA;ZJNGBRlGIIT AS NEQN
MAYBE WBCQULD BE 'ON
MMOR.BOWBS' AMA1'.EUR. HOUR!
(M1lRY'takes a breather. Sh-eturnstc JJMMY, Who stands beside JACK, /ace still hidden
by tkl!tJ,f:wspape.r.)
MARY
.I :havetQ intomycoverafisfor 4-Hcltih.See yOU there.
(Remembering)
you want to ask me?
JIMMY
(Miserable)
Noth1ng. .It wasn't irnpottant.
{M:ARY exits. Lights on JACK ashe slowly lowers his newspaper and smiles. He smiles a
wicked, . .sexys,nikj
JACK
kid. I'm Jack.
(JIMMY turns to greet JACK, a big trusting smile on his face. All action [reezesercept
for the LECTURER and JACK The LECTURER removes his soda jerk hat, breaking his
MIt POPPcharacter as he sternly .addresses the audience.)











































LECTURER
SOMETIM:ES MENW()umOOMETOCALL
WHO STA;NKOF SW ANDBARBASOL
l'HEY'D ASK..KIDS IFTlIEY EELTATALL
AFEWKICJ(S
(Actionresume.s . .llMMYoffers a hand to JACK)
JtMMY
JACK
Jimmy. Like in Jimt:Qy
JIMMY
Don't I wish...
JACK
Girltrotible. huh? Ijust goUhecure.Wbatsay we blow thispopsiele stand andtind areal party?

awfully mce,MT. Jack, but I'm meeting llly girlfriend at 4H Club later.
JACK
Ctnon, we'll have some :laughs, half.:n:our, tops.
JJMMY
ldunno...
JACK
Suit yourself. you're.t1ot I tookyoufor.
(To the pianop1ayel"::)
Hey, tearit
(Dance brerik. JACK eXcjJert:ly !woft it with A DANCING TElSNITHE PLA.CARD GIRL).
JACJ(/inishes dancing,dramatically dippinghispar/ner.)
JIMMY
Hotdog! ousute shake a wicked calf! Could you teaehine how to dance liketlmt?
JA.CK
Time I get through withya',you:l1make FredAstaKe look likeBarney Googie.C'mon.
JIMMY
Well,ffyou'resure we'll only be ...
JACK
Kid, that' s aprornise from me to you.
(They:exit.)
DANeIN" DAN:eIN'
CEARLESTONTfi...LYOURTOOTSms ACHE
W'E'LL
TOTHE:SAVOYSTOMP
1YE'RE RUG-CUT'l'lNt STltUnlN'
::rHENAS.ACODAWEll1UNK [CECREAM SODA
HERE DOWN AT TBEOL'FIVE ANDDlMEf YEAH!
MUSIC 10: FIVE .AND DIME ;PLAYOFF
(FheLECTlJRER retu.rns to his podium.)
SceneS': A ReeferOen
LECTURER
lhe;mu$icanddancingse(5l11edharmless,butcieadyJimmyhacinow veered from the Garden
Path to the Slippery SiQpeofHelL And what OfYQUI ownchildren?D.o they enJoy "jazz music'"
For Mr.A.ristinger Wam.8US, ladies and gentlemen, ,that Cab Calloway,Fats W811er:,;oUke
Eltingtonatldtnewhole weed,;)blowmg, ,gin,ger"coloredlotaremere1ymasqueradilfgas
musiCians, and are in .fact, Agents orEvil. Reefer slows down the 'smoker's sense oftime
unnecessary "grace notes," giving this voodoom;usic the power to
hypnotiz.eWbite wotttenintoind:ul:gin;g in.actsof.unspeakable degradation. And l!Dake
from heteonm,,tb.e music womd Decameincreasingiystrange'and profane.!!
(Lights .UpOl1 the Reefer Den . .MAE sits ;aione readittga magazine ..SA.l.LY sits behind a
..J1Jkpiano wl.th RALPH---both smoke reefers as SALLYplays.)
RALPH
Yea:h.tha:t'sit
1
SaIly.That'sgoooood. ..da.,da4ieeda-dee-da-dum.. Yeah, tree.p
playjrlg, iSaBy,keep.goingt
SALLY
C'mon,baby...--4U:Jnigattnel
(RALPHlightsup anotherjoint andPlIts it in her mouth. She now .bastwo!)
Ooh!Yeah!
RALPH
Faster,Sally!}1aster!
(SALLY nods,browforr{Jwed with concentration as the music speeds up.)
Dum..dum-dum, rtUll"'te-tum..
(PuJfing
Good. 000, .good. So good. Mmmmmmm!
(Then, .suddenly:)
Faster! Faster!
{The. music speeds up again. SALLY moans with sexualabandol1,}
.1...,.5-16


lUlLPH boutJae.supaniJ down on tile piano he1:.lb. StfLLYseej1J:$ onthebrinkof(>rgqsmJ
$uilderily, the piano setpiece/atlsfotW4td,sending SAU/Y.afia /R:ALPJlto .lheJldor! 'The
reverse side oft1lejlatpiano(:now!acingup) featilresapefl,-oa.nIh'ir:zk depicft<?i1pla fJat
pittno. SAUY
giggles. The P4C4/ID :GlRLcr.O$ses. fier
for NOGQO:D .REASONl" There is theojJstage sound of;a.baby crying. $:tf:lLtno
longer .amuseil,smacks .RALPH. A ,.chastened RALPHttops laughing.)
SALLY
Youstupid/pop";headl You wok.ethedamn
(The baby'scrie:s continue.)
MAE
Hey,$ally.Wheri'reyougonnagive that little nipper .3 name?
SALLY
.rmgetting to it ithought.O:fa good one yet.
MAc
It ain't right. 'Thekid's eleven mon:thsold.
(S4!LLYmdl3. The 'b(1)y continues to .cry. We hear !;lnoffitage SLAP/The baby is now
.quiet.MAE react, butRALPFIdoes---,ne
,(!AtlAE grabs an apple from anearbyfndt howland tosses it to R.A;LPll. Hedev.oursit.
JACK andJ1iMMY;enter. As .JJMMYptlSse,s,RALPli snarl$, protecti4g.htsfooiJ.l?AlJ'H
cack/esat..JlMJ,iff's stanledreaction.) .
JAOK
Ralph. Used tobea boy.
(Leads.JlMMYever
Mae,
MAE
Aw. Jack..be can't be more thanfiftecn.
.J1MMY
Sixteen, madam.
MAE
The name's Mae. A ''Madani'runs adiffere:ntkinda house.
(SALLYreturns. She pes JIMMY a lusty once-over. JIMMY is ton.gue-.tied.)
SALLY
Say, new fish?
JIMMY
JACK
Sany,what;say 'better acquainted?
(Aside to GALLi:)
Give him theiUSUal.
SAllY
{Back to JACK;)
Iflean'! tttrn'hinltln, he ain't got switches.
(Si4.UY!o1JiJlesJIMM'Y's
Mttun. Ki4, youa:reso sJuu:pyo.u'l'e bleeding. Hew tallareyouanyw,ax?
JJMMY
Five feet. rime inches.
SALLY
Let's the five feet and concentrate on the .einches.
(AsSALLY:puUs JIMMY aside for flirting andsmali ta.11c, lights shiftt.o MAE. She pulls
,lACKasideJ
MAE
I want lhatkid outta here. He's too yO'lllJ,g. 1got hooked at :fuatageand I'mllot <Ioing itto
anybody else. .
JACK
Do 1 have water inmyearur
MAE
This is my pbe. Aud.l:say hegoe$.
(,lAC/(. siqpBher, This time, however, !M14.E s.laps him back. JA.CK touche.s ,his mouth and
smiles wUhgrui!gi.flg ad'rfiiratiotl-nicecr;nnectimz. 'Pb.en, with sudden bhlt4i'fty. JA.CK
clocks her intheJace ..iIIJAE sinks to her knees. JA.CKpulls .out(lreej'er cigarette,)
JACK
Listen ,good, youj\ltlked-up chippie. You tofUtl my business, I walkout that doot.
Withem me, you ain't getoo SlD.oke.That what you want? Is that what Y011 want?
MAE
(Beaten)
No.
.JAGK

































What?
No, Jack, that)s not what I want.
Good.
(J/lCKda,.gles ihecigarette . .43 !before, ..MAE grabs for flaM .J4CKjcrltsitaway.Thftn
he lirops ltto thejloor.MAE scramhles q..fter 'it. Lights shift to once againlncluile SALLY
andJIMMY. .JlMMYis in the middfeoj'a,story.)
..
JIMMY
So, anyhow. football's okay, .but my.fayoritesport ishasebaU. Coach :says ifI keep;practidng, I
coUld havea ,$WUtg like Lou Gebrigl . .
(JlM!MYand $ALLYsnare ,4 laugh.R.lfLPHJook:s up from his apple and joitlsin)
SALLY
You sure ate a queer duck, Jim,my.
(SALLY pulis outa joint.JIMMf':patshimseljdownfora lighter...JACKtossesnim one,)
JIMMY
Oh, lettnelight yourcigan:f;te. Sally.
SALLY
This isn't a cigarette ~ it'sar-eal. stnoke .. Reefet.f.,et'sshare it.
(JIMMYbacksaw.qy nervously.)
JJMMv
Ohino.lcouldn't..;um., It'$ been great meeting you folks. but I'vegotta 'get back to the Five and
Dimlil.Mary'sprol$bly ~ t i n g for Ole. ..
$ALlY
[diOO't 'think you wetesuch asgWil!re. Ora,re ye:uairaid...?
JIMMY
rmnot either.
Prove it.
(Then;9
COME ON, JIMMY
COME ON, JIMMY
SUCKITOOWN FOR SALLY
COME ON. JIMMY
..

.
"
..
"
MAE
..
..
JAOK

SALLY

t,
COME ON.lIMMY
t SUCK IT DO'WNFOR.$ALLY
t
(SALLY lights a lighlerand be..gins to wqve the flame before .JIMMY-'seduc;tively,
t
hypnotically.)

t

JIMMY
Thank you, SaUy, but [.honestlydon't .thirik it'-g ago-od idea...

SAL.lY
COME ON, llMMY

COME ON. JIMMY
SlJCK IT 'DOWN FoOR SALLY
COME ON, JIMMY
COME ON, JIMMY

.SUCK IT DOWN FOR SALLY

JilMMY
I thougnt 'You were .go:nnagive me da.i1ee lessonS!


JACK

Oh, we're .
{JilCK/ights ,a l(ghterofhis own andj'oinsin the 11 SALLY repeats
her dhant.'lI$ JA.CKjomsin.) "

TAKE A TOKE,..A TEA STICK
TAKE A TOICE.,A TEA STICK

TAKEA "rOKE-A';rEAsnCK
TAKEA TOKE.,ATEASTICK
(SALLY.an.d JACK:repeat .their cnantas MAE lights a lighter andjoins in,)
MAE
Vc:aOKE .AT.FIRST
BOT"TH1!NT'HE WORST IS OVER
SMOKE rr.YOUl\4ACilOKE AT FJRST
BUT1'I-I:EN'1l!EWOJR,:STTSO'VER
(EVERYONE repeats ihe'irchant as R.;fLPlljoins :inanil lignl$a lfghley. Now there'llre
four in patterns in fr(JlJt ojJ1MMY.Ele is becomingnypnoiized
.by the lights,)
RALPH
DON'TSEAClIlOK.EN!

DON'TUE CHICKEN!
(EVERYONE repeats their chant as the LECTURER steps into the action. JA.CK thrusts
an unlitjoint in Jimmy '8
LECTURE.R




























1-:5-20
D .0.N''T
' J:p)'UV1.:1:
1:0 n.n:T:1
..
D'ON'T
.'
DO ITI
. , " " .' !O'

nON'TBE A FOOL!

DON'T"lJMMYl DON'T DOlT!


DON'TBBAFOOL!
DON'TCRA DO IT!
DON'TOHA DOlT!DON'TCHA DO IT!
nON'TCHA DO tTl
DON"TCIlA 00 IT! N00000001
(Tableau. All four iightersarethrust in frontolJIMMY:, who ,lights the reeforstick and
takes ,his first hit! As JIMMY inhales, the lights go su.ddenly red. EVERfOIVEtlWves

away .in slowmotioh .as JJ.MMY 'C'ol{ghs /Tom the smtike. Time and space seem .to be
.dtst(frtingjat' him ....)
MUSIC 13: THE ORGY
(Suddenly, we hearpoundingjun,glet/rums! A ITHEPLilCARDGIRLJ
wHirils onsJa,ge,dancingwith sexualfrenzy. JIMMYis a71JllZed. sbestrips.him down to his
.boxers, which 'ma/res himgiggle---apparently, he's ticklish. OTHER BEIlLYDANC'ERS
enter and help strip .JIMMY. Once JIMMY .is d'Own to his boxer$.. he stumbles center
stage,giggling with mad delight. H.e .clumsily atfemptstomimicthe sexual peve'lo/the
DANCERS. As thedane.e sequence ,ends, the .PLACARD GIRL tearsojfher outfit,
revealing afle$h-colored body stocKing with large marihuana Jeaves(!overing her
breasts and priv.ates. SALLY leads .JACK, RALPH, MAE, MARY and- ihe CHORUS
onstage. Allars 'SimilartyC!ad, marihuana leaves covering theirprimtes. JJMMY rea.cts
:with terr!fied wonder (lSSALLY sings to him.)
SALLY
SMOKETHEM.ARIHUANA
SAlLTIlE.SEA OF SIN
REACH A HOT NIRVANA
TREMBLE FROM WITHIN
SALLY & CHORUS
SERVE YOUR APPETITE
PLAN TO STAY THE'NIOHT
.JHvIMV
I AM STANDING
ATTEMPTATION'SOOOR
I HAVE NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
JOIN TIIE WONDER DANCE
LOSE THE UNDERPANTS
CHORUS
SALLY
"
SAllY & CHORUS
"
SMOKE THEMA.RlHUANA II
"
SAIL THE SEA OFS1N
REAca A HOT NIRVANA
TREMSLEFR.oM WITHIN
"
"
"
"
I}
"
I}
"


.JIMMY CHORUS

SOMEONE SAVE ME SM<)KETflE MA.luHUANA
THERE'S NO PLACE TO HIDE SAIT/I'fffiSEAOF SIN
FROMnIIS SALACIOUS REACH A, HOT NIRVANA
MAGIC CARPET RIDE TRj1MBLEFROM WITHIN
SALLY &CHORUS
DPENVP YOURMlND
LET Y01)R BODY SOAR
ARMS AND LEGS ENTWINED
MORE! MORE!
CHORUS MEN
IF A YEAR GOES BY, IT MIGHT SEEM A DAY
CHORUS WOMEN
IF ADAYGOES.BY, IT COULD TAKE A YEAR
SALLY
SPACE RECEDES AT.BL1NDlNG SPEEDS
SAL LV & CHORUS
YOUR LUST IS ONTHE.RISE!
(Music break A weird orgy commences. The belly dancers pa;ss(1roundthe hoses ola
gigantic hookah.. .JIMMY Jooksterrjfied-,-:he'sinwayover mshead. He :haVi;gatesthe
heaving'bo(lies, ad..lib'bingpolite excuses ashe looksforanescaperoute.1'he
is bloc1tedby SALLY, who flOW hold$xmecfthose big-assobocs thatsnttke ,Charmers use.
.As SA:!JLYpJays,JIMM'f loses all voluntaljlcontrol c(i)jihis pelvis, which i$ now in thralilo
Pied Piper 8:IfLLY.SALLY leads .:hitn around the stageantimtotke center ofthe orgy.
TheORGf' FOLK pawandpet JlMMf: A hit from ihl! giant hookah begins to thaw his
inhihitions.l1egiggles, starting toefJioy kim-self. High above, [THE
LECTURERjenters, a satyr with clow!nhoojs. forry legs and horns. He does a dramatic
pagan dance.)
GOAT-MAN! LECTURER .8ALLY&CHORUS
(Whisper.-:sur,g)
TENDER VIRGIN SMOKE THE MARIHUANA
FRESH AS MORNING DEW SAll, THE SEA OF SIN
PVE BEEN EAGERLY REACH A BOT NlRV ANA
(Bleats.,)
EXPE-E-ECTING YOU TREMBLE FROMWITHlN














,
..
,
,
SALLV & CHORUS
LIVE THE GREATER LIFE
..
LIVE THE SA'ifYRLIFE
..
..
:SALLY& J1MMY CHORUS
EROS nB<$.t)NS

,
..
FEEL 'l'HENEEPlNCREASE SAU,.THE.SEA OF SlN
..
$Ai.,:LV. JIMMY '& CHQFtus
..
EV'RYFIBE'R:BtJRNSFOR
..
SWEETRELEASB! tREMBLEFROMwtl'HlN
ALL
..
Lf\TE ALttTLED,J,tEAM
LEA.VE A.LrITtJ!. MESS ..
..
SALLY
EVER:YBOPY SCREAM
..
..
ALL
..
YES! YES! YES!
..
CHORUS MEN
..
CAN'T YOU FEEL THEFLUSfI
OFPULSlNG .PAGAN .FIR.B?
SALLY
SALLY &OHORUS
GOA1,.,MAN
DANCINGNAKEO.A8UffiSINFUL AllAM
Al+l
JIMMY &.SAlLY
..
OQUPIf';D .Wl1l:I A WICKED MADAM
'fILL nmMORNI:NGCOMEs
ALL
YES, WE'RE WAITINGFQR YOUR. BUSINESS
IN nuSCARNALCAR.NtVALE
TAKE A ONE-WAY TICKEr TO THE BACCHANAL ..
..
GOAT-MAN & CHORUS MEN
SO COMEONJlMMY, COMEON,'GlMME
..
..

..
..
.ALL
(SiJLLYandGOAT-MAN.$ingaJYJVEZZINdu(!!t. fNOTE: this part is difftcult to sing,S()
the ilirectQftf1.ay CJ1()R.(JS
.ALL
YES, WE'lU3WAlTING FOR YOUR.'SUSlNESS
{Nuns CARNAL CARN1VALE
TAKE A ONE.;WAYTICKE1'TO THE}3ACCHANAt
,GQAT-MAN&CHORUS MEN
SO COME ON JIMMY,COME ON,GI'MME
ALL
(Blackout.)
MUSIC 14: ORGYiPLAYOF.F
:Sc(Jne$; ASchooly'ard. APa!jJs. A ubur'ban Hom.e
(Over the playoff, the LECTfJR$R boQgiesover.to his podium. Herenwves his Goat
liorns. :Snapping immediately .backintostemcht:tracter:as .hepidksup ,ll newspaper.) .
:LECTURER
Please note thefol1ow.i:ng head:1ine: "MarihuanaM.es Fiends ofBqys.in Thirty Days." Which is
.preciselylJ:ow long it took to transform YOUllg Jimmy from "good egg" to''''ad apple."
(Light UP()'l'lJIMMY. 'He/urtiV(!!/ypqfj's on a roach. After a .'beat,MJtRYenlers.)
MARY
(JlMJIifY practically jumps out qfhis Skin as hefomblesto hide themarihut;tna.)
JIMMY
Aah!
MARY
Oh you arel [missed you at the4:-H club planting Without
you, we were one tree short. Mr. Jarvis was lookin.g for youeye:rywhere.
JIMMY
(Vio/(:!nt!y:)
I haven't been "everywhere!"



























..
"
MARY

..
Well, 'what a,thingto 'say! Issl1l11let'h,i1lg ,the matter, limnIy?
JIMMY
Why shmrld. .SQinething bewrollg?! Stop hounding me! Stop,.. hounding... ,me!
MARY
think I was.
(Sobs.)
It's me,isn't it? You don't lovemeailymore. Youhaven'1 tried to kiss me in avera week.
JIMMY
Akiss?Is that what youwant?LetmeshowyQlla rew,new moves...
{JIMlMY grdbs her roughly and kiss.es her.,Mi[RY.breOkstheclinch,looking up at JIMMY
in shodkednorreJrJ '
MARY
That was your tOll;guel Jimmy what's come 'Over you?!
(Tableau. .JlkfMYand MARYfreeze.)
MUSIC 15: "THAT WAS YOUR TO,NGUE1,t
CHORUS
REEFERMADNBSS! REEFER MADNESS!
(MARynms lJjJ.,.JJMMYruns the other wtZ}'butstops when a .sTUFFED ,DOG appears
aha park 'bench 'and.oegins,bq.rki13:g.)
JIMMY
Hey there fella!Wba.t"s y.our lWJ1le?Who's a ,good boy! Who's a good b
(Reactlngta
Huh? Wbat',d you .Shy? Wbatdid yoU say? Yo:uthinkl'm(ganna let yop toot the whlstleoll1;lle'l
Well, get an ',ead.Ulofthls, $toolle: yoU DIDN'TSlEE NO')."HIN"!
(JINfJ.ffgrabs thedogand.startsptmJ:11Jeling it. Jile hUes thedog:s tongue and hurls the
po()r muttuffotqge, He chasesq,fter itfor more Qfthesame, but JSslopped h)' .!the $oundtif
:oS:rI1PFEDJ(ft'1'f CATWho lapp.ears on the same bench. To the cat:)
You didn't 'Seenof.bip.'!
..
(He li{tsa .chainstlW into vieW. The roar ojthe chainsaw isdeajening. Tableau. JIMMY
freezes.)
.,
"
CHORUS ..
{Offstage.}
..
REEFERMADNESS'! REEFER MADNESS!
..
(JIMMY's Home. Night. JIMMYsnatches afor coat and holds it up.)
J:IMMY

"
..

..
..
Oh, yeah. Gen.;.u-inechlnChilla.This'l1 keep me in the strawfor at least ia week.
(Jimm.y'sMOM ITHELECTURER] andh.is FOP [lULPlf}ente'r. POPjlips ,Dnthe
lights..JIMMYhides theforcoat.; .
POP/RALPH
.latnes JumP!? Have you seen your mothersgood.mrc::oat?
MOM/LECTUR.ER
JIMMY
Aah, tell it to Sweeney.
(MOMbegjns to soh.)
POP
(Aghast,)
Do you kiss YOllr:tnother with that mouth!
(JiMMYteers .evitly,)
JIMMY
Naw, butl sure:could ...
(Lurchingtow4rds MOM:)
C'monMa, let me ,ghowyoua few new mOVeS....
(JIMMY:grabsnis MOMwit'h lasciVious intent. Tableau. EVERYlJNEfreezes)
CHOR.US
(OffstageJ
REEFER.MADNESS! REEFERMADNESSl
.$.cpne7:Ae!lurch
(Light up 1JnMARYi;lioneinr;:hurch. Shesils in a church pew which is just a ltltle bit too
big!orher..lJeside the pew is afreestanding
MARY
TIIESERMON rOPAY WAS 'REALLY ExClTING
YAHWEHWASMAJ)AND DID PLENTY OF SMITING
wtrn:LOCUSTS AND PLAGlJES
AND LITTLE GREEN FROOOIES
ALL THAT AND MORE
THUNDERED DOWN FROM THE SKY
I REACHED FOR YOUR HAl'ID
LIKE I ALWAYS DO
BUT BESIDE ME WAS JUST







































(MARYml$, bTiniringback tears. She just misses JlMMYand lUI/PH, whosnedk in
while p1ljJingre/er.clg.arettes, tryi.11,g to be quiet. Checking neh)DJ1$lytosee ifa1JYOne 's
wattillinghim. JIMMYvl'.eaksopenthe
RALPH
HOW01UCh you thinkis in there? Jackdou'tget his 'green, we don.'t .get'ours.
JfMMY
CoolYOlU."jets..
.(He J,qll#
This'll keep tiS Inthe$wfot week.
(As .I1NMYCQufJtsthe cash, RALPHbeCOtm::8 tiistr4ctedhy,an incense burner. He gives
4nexperimtmtalsniJf_ lights iit. He'tnnales-'!!!(:stctsy!)
MLPH
{RALPH sinks down into the pew, snorting incense smoke .and laughing. Suddenly,an
IRISH PRIEST {THE LECTURER] enters. He reacts to the broken Poor Box, thererifer,
and the snorting, giggling RALPHJ
...
AN
A..'NJ) ARQSAlty
AN'DFILL MY LONELY PEW
A;GLOOMY'CfIURCH THAT Y()U';RE NOT IN
CANLEAJ) fA GrlRL 'irOMORTAl,:SlN
AL,ADYASKED"lIS nnSSEATTAJ<iBN?"
I.LJEl),

I PRAY A HOLY SamlNG STAR
WlLLLEAD YOUHOME FROM WHERE YOU ARE
IN A POGOaLOST AT SEA
OaCoVLD lTBEYOU'ltEtm.ED OF ME?
froS A LINE of mOUGHT
T'DRA'I'HER NOT PURSUE
JIMM'Y, CQlV1EiSACK
ANDFltL MY LONELY PEW

..
..
.
CII.ORUS
TW1NI{LING 81M
WHEREOH WImR,EYOU ARE
RA'fHERNOTPURSUE
IRISH PR1E$T1WECTURER
JESUSIJACK
rOffstage.)
Did :sQmebody cali forme?
fil !an!areplays ias .JESUS CHRIST iJglittering
cr.osS,....-{J virlleTom J<t'nf?;S .i1'la8pangled.;rob.e and c:rown .ofthorns.;RA:LPFlscurnes .Q./j;
taking thepe:wsetpiece with nim . .JJMMYstarttlotJESUSindfsDe.lie{astheL/lCilT.1RER
removesnispriest garb 'I1ndsnaps 'Oackintocharacte1",)
LECTUReR
Andtbus, the Lol'dofHostS,tneHoliest ioffIofies,the 'Son'ofMan
JiI:nnlym a sacred v1siptt..
JIMMY
Aw, I got a great ...Don't bringll1e down.
JESUS
On the contrary, Jinuny. I'm hereto 'bring you up. With dope. Not your brand ofdope"but the
straight dope. You thinktho.sereefer fiends are "cool?" I don't thlrik yourea:IizebDw ".cool" God
.can be.
(Sings)
I FLOATED DOWN FltOM BEAVEN
'WH.EN .[ .HEARD A L.:AMBHAD STRAYED
LOOK
YQURBRAIN'BAS 'TORNEDTOMARMALADE
I'M JtijRETOllELP YOU J1MMY
ANDRETORNYOUl'OTHEFOtD
lltYflLLlNGVOURLUNGS wrmOOD
AND NOT GOLD
SATAlQ"$BOLD
LOVES TO LIB
I}(lN'rruil?LY
DO OtJWANTTO MAKE
(A backup-singing ANGEL CRORUSenter.s. They look like showgirlslboys.;
ANGELS
cav-Yl..Yl-YI
LIStEN TO msus JIMMy .. . . '. -,
JESUS
JUST SAY NO TO THE MARIHUANA
ANGELS
LISTEN TO JESUS, JIMMY











































JESUS
THIS COMESS'rltAlGlIT.RQMTHE .MAl)ONNA
ANG'E:LS
LISTENTOJESnS,1IMMY
JESUS
I'M THE .FACEO:N'IHESHR.oUDQF 'I'UR1.N
ANGELS
JESUS
DO INnED TO TESTYOUR. URINE?
.(JESUSwhip$offhisrobetore:veala Dujf,oiled chesta1;lda sequinedloinp/oth,)
JESUS ANGaS
SATAN SATAN
WENT ANPCONNED YA OH,:llECONNEP YA
MUSTN'T TOUCH HIS
.TWMY
EmGANIA NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
JIMMY JIMMY
DON'T TURN YOtIR.J3ACK ON GOD
{JESUSdips .hismi!keintoa chalice and spritzes the crowd with H.olywater.J
AMGEL GROUP '#1 ANGEL GROUP #2
DQNAEISRBQU1EM DONAEIS REQUIEM-.-.REQUIEM!
NUMQUAMFUMAS CANNAl3XS CANNABIS!
AUTlNCENDES lBI INFERNO YOU;LL BURN IN HELU
(JESUS worksthecrowdJ
JESUS
I'VECURlID A Lor OF LEPERS
AND IV'E RlSENFR.OM THEDEAD
:(Spllken, to (1udietl.ce member)
Howya 4oin'?
{(Sings)
IS THAT WHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE
TOOET THIS l"liROUGH YOURFmAD?
(Spoken, to audience member)
Go a h ~ d , yo", can touch.
(SilW)
IF OUINS1STON SMOKING
TO INDULGE THOSE TEENAGE KlCKS
JESUS ANGELS
SOON YOU'LLBEFLOATlNG NAKED
IN THE RIVER STYX WHOA.,OH
-
1-7-29
WHATAFtX!
SULFUR ;POOLS
TORTURE TOOL$
;SEPARATION'FROM YOUR
FAMILV mWBlJS
ANGELS
'Ri\MA LA1\1A- ,
tHEY'R:EOONNACUTYOUR DING nONG
LISTEN TO JESUS,JIMMY
JESUS
GOl7A GIVE rr UP FOR LENT, BOY
ANGELS
LISlENTO JESUS., JIMMY
JESUS
OR WINDUP AS SATAN'S RENT BOY
ANGELS
LISTEN TO JESUS,JlM:MY
JESUS
DON'T VET REEFER KICK YOUR KEISTER
ANSELS
LISTEN 1'OlE5U5, JIMMY
JESUS
J'MTHE roST,ERBOYFOR EASTER
JESUS
,JlMMY
I.;E'fi\.1E8EE VA
tQCI<.TItB 8m AND
SlN$BMlt-LA
,lIMl\fi
Jesus
DON'T TURN YOUit.BACK ON GOD
ANGELS
FOR nmWRDOOD OMNIPOTENTHATETH
MARffiUANA! MARJHUANA!
LISTEN TO JESUS, JIMMY
JESUS
THOU SHALT HEED THIS HOLY OMEN
WHOA-OH
WH()A..OH
WIIOA"OH
AlI!
ANGELS
..l1MMY
'WANNA SEE YA
1tMMY
00 00 GO! GOTI'AKICK n
llMMY

































ANGELS
LISTEN TO JESUS, JIMMY
JESU.S
STOP INDULGING LOCE;A ROMAN
ANGELS
LISTEN TO JESUS".TIMMY
JESUS
ALL THE CHERUBIM SAY YOU GOITA
ANGELS
YOUGOTI'AI
LISTEN TO ;JESDS,JlMMY
JESUS
nUJS'T THE MANWIrH THE STIGMATA
JIMMY DON'T YOU
ALL
TURNYOUR BACK ON GOD!
ON GOD!
(After ... )
JESUS
Jimmy,takeabit 'OfOod inStead. Do you think you 'could handle the high?
.JIMMY
I've,goLa new God now!
(lIVERfONEgasps. Blackout)
MUSJC18:: .,fJ3USPLAYOFF
.. . .. , .. ,- -, . - -.
Scene .8; A aWer .Den
. - -, ,.. . . .. . . ,. .
MUSICt;9:JtIIV ,LUCKY
. - ... , . _. - _.
(Re:!!fer Den. Slow, sultry music plays on .the radio. JIMMY and SAlLY dance and smoke,
as JlM},tY tries to unhook her bra. MAE appears Clgitated. Suddenly, SAELYpushes
JlkfMY away.)
Ow! Kid, careful with the merchandise.
Don't wony-I've almost got it unhooked.
(pained)
tI
SALLY
tI


tI
JIMMY

tI
SALLY


fFimilly, MAJihasha.d .enough. ShepJucks thejoint
JiMMY
Mary ..Janel
MAE
You don 't own the Mary J:ane,ldd. The Mary Jane owns you, So clean outyourears,'cilZ I'm
onlygonna saythfsonce. Get out ofh.ere and don't look back. too latefor us, but
you. Hyou're young. You've still ;got.a e'hahce. It":s dangeroll8 here.
JIMMY
These days I got me a .tastefor danger.
,(JlMMfwhoops lowJlya.s he pulls SA.l;LYintoan embr.ace. MAtries to flutetinem.)
MAE
Jimmy. limmy.Jinuny,be qUie1J
(MA.Eelicks :qfftneradio.)
You'il 'Sally's baby.
SALLY
(Quickly:)
Ohthaf'scikaY,Mae. Don'lworry about it.
MAE
;(8uspicious.)
Sally ... lIowcomel haven't heard your baby crying tonight?
MUSiC 20: TOUGH QU.ESTJDN
(Lights converge on SALLY;. who Jooks very guilty.)
SALLY
Idunno.
(Blackout. Light up on the LECT'lJRER.)
LEctURER
Or did she?
(Lights doW1'J .ontheLBCTURER and up on th.e stairs. SALLY'S BABY [RALPH] is
r:el1ealed, wearing a baby bonnet.)
SALlY'SBABY/RALPH
MY MOMMY NEVER NAMED ME
I GUESSSliE WAS TOO HIGH
1-:9-32
MYTI:JMMY WOULD GETR'UMBLY
1')) CRY ANDCRY.AND CRY
SHE SOLD HEReM
:SHE
SHESTOOPED TO TURNiNG TRICKS
ANDnmNSHEsowHERBABY BOY
TO GET HER DAILY FIX
LULLALDLLA
(Lightsfade :on the BABY. Lights ,up on the Retffer Den. The PLACARJ)GlRL iS1"eve.aled
n
holding a Sign: "'REEFER makes you SEll YOUR BABIES... She flips the sign. The
reverse side reads;' .....for DRUGMONEY! ")
MUSIC 22: JOYRIDE
Scene 'SireelA;.Driveway, A Balcony
(SAlLY.and .JIMMY 'd.rive" omtage in :MARY's Packard. a flat pen-and-ink set piece
with grille. windshield and steering wheel. JIMMY and SALLYface the audiellCe. holding
up the car as SALLYpantomimes driving.) .
JIMMY
So you werejustjoking,rlght? You didn't really sell your baby for reefer money, did you?
SALLY
Ifsokay, Jimmy,
(Pats her tummy.)
Igotanotber one on the way.,.Ught?
.JIMMY
Because thatkindofjokeisn't...
(SALLY sticks 1M! joint in his mouth. .lIMMY begins to giggle. The Packard veers,
narrowlyavoiiling a!PEDES1'RJjIfNwho.jumps out opthe way. Close call,)
SALLY
JIMMY
Boosted it. From my girlfriend.
(SALLYtll:msandputs her hand on JlMMY's lap,conveniently blocked by the car.)
SALLY
Girlfriend?!
(Ihe Packard veers again, narrowly avoiding another PEDESTRIAN. SALLY is the worst
driver ever.)
Y011 expect me to believe some little bobby-soxer's got what it takes to chop your suey?
(Ihe stonedJIMMY is getting rewed up.)
J1MMY
Sally" y.ou'tegttill:g' mestearned up like a
SALLY
11u:'s the idea, baby! Tonight youan:dme:aregoDna bre.ak 'Out like the measJ!es!Whoo!
(S.Al.LYthrowsboth .amrsaround JIMMY.
JJMMY
Sally! Keep your eyes Olltheroad!
(Strobe lights .om.e u.p. Slow motion action ..(1$ .an 011JMAN[the lJfJCTUR.R.) 'teeters
across the ;stage, uSing :aCtine for support..Jl!MM a1J,d SillLY lookup, horrified, as
SALLY "'speeds '!'towards the man.)
. .
OLOMANILECTUR;R, SALLY & JIMMY
(Enilmusie..TheOLD MANfaUs to thegroztn4. SALLYanil JIMMYput down the car and
warily approach the OLD MANwho lies in the street.J1JMMYkne(J/s beside him.)
SJ\LLY
Serves,hiIn right for trying tojt1.mpovet the car like that.
JiMMY
Mister? Are you okay? We didl:i't see you I think he's dead.
{SAlLYpokes the OLD MAN with her toe. No response. Now she's spooked.}
SALLY
I was never here.
(The ilrog""aildled SALLYteetersoj!'erratically. $ALLYbangs into ihesetonherway OU.!.
She shoots the set a dirly iookandconnnuesoJfstage.The PL4CA.RiJG1RL .C7:0SS!S ,and
f:X1ts.holdingupasign: "REeFER kills POOR OLD MEN!" JIMMY,cradJes the DEAD
OLDMA.N.)
MUSIC 23:'MABY JANE/MMY.LANE
JIMMY
I'm sorry. I'm so sony.
(sings)
TImRE'SBLOOD ON MY HANDS
AND MlJl) ON MY NAME
MYID THREW A PARTY
AND EVERYONE CAME
MYINNOCENCE RAVAGED
MY VIRTUE DEVOURED I CAN'T COUNT TIIE STRANGERS
wrm WHOM I HAVE SHOWERED


I'VETAKENAUFE

BEENS'fRIPPEDTOMY ESSENCE

AND TO THINK ALL I WANTED


WAS SWING DANCE LESSONS

(A POLlCEMA.JVf [CHORUSMEMBERjcanying his own pen-and-ink police car set


piece, enters andsees the accident.) .. .


POLICEMAN

Police! Freeze!

(The POLICEMAN fires his gun. JIMMY picks up his Packard and runs oJf.The

POliCEMANfires two more .times, then gives chase .. Music continues as the LECTURER
rises and removes his OLD MANgarb,)


LECTURER

To employ theatgot of,seedy,underwoild types, Jinnny wasp.ow "on the lamJ" Under cover of
darkness, he incrlminatingPaekard toits rightful owner, Mary Lane.

{Lights up on .MAR.Y's house. There's a trellis leading toa balcony and a maUbox

informatively labeled "LANE.'j

Yes, you hear:dcorrectly- . he had in fact stolen a ear fromms very own sweetheart!

(The LECro/lSRe:xits, .ClS .JIMMY enters with the Packard. He leans it against the set

and looks around. He seems to have lost his pursuers. JlMMY's hands start to shake. He
pulls .out ajoint and looks at it with disgust ...but he can't help but light it.)

JIMMY
Mae was right about the Mary Jan.e. It owns we.
(Sings.)

MARYJANEOEMARY JAl\lE

YOU CRUMPLE ME L1KE CELLOPHANE


YOU STIR ME UPLIKJ:! BEEF CHOW MEIN

YOU WRECK ME MARY JANE

MARYJA,NEOH M.ARY.;JANE
YOU'VE CONQUERED ME LJI(E CHARLEMAGNE

PLEASURElNTER..TWINEDWITHPAlN

MAItY1ANE
YOUR. TOXIC IOSSESMA..TCE MY HEART RACE

FASTER 11lAN ACHEETAH

I'VE BEEN STAPLED AND SPINDLED


MY WILLPOWER'S DWINDLED
YOU MELT RESISTANCE DOWN

LIKE HOTvELvEETA . .

MARY JANE OH MARY JANE

YOU FLUSHED MY FOTURE DOWN THE DRAIN

YOU SMEARED ME LIKE A KETCHUP STAIN


BUT I NEED YOU... I LOVE YOU...
I'M LOVED BY MARY...


-
f

JIMMY CHORUS
(QjJstage)
LOVED BYMAIty
LOYBPBYMAR:Y
LOVED BYMARY.LA;NE
fLights retumto nof7f1lil.JJMMY looks .up to the baicony. Lights up to reveal MARY in
silhouette, saying herprqyers btiforebed;)
LOVED BYlMRY
I'M LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BY MARY LANE LOVED BYMARVLANE
(NJoment1)ftruth. A determined ,iIMMYstubsoutthejoint.)
JIMMY
1'h:ere'somyroom{or oneMary in my life! Mary Lane withatt "L't--;for love! 110veMary Lane!
(M.ARY step$onto the bIilcony to investigate the
CHORUS
{Offitage.}
LOVED BYM.f\RY
LOVEDBYMAR:Y
LOVED BYMi\RYLANE
LOVE{) BYMARY
tOYED BYMARY
LOVED BY MARLANE
MARY
JimmY? What )are out here night? It'sahnost9 PM.
(.f/JIffMYclimbs the treliis.)
J:lMMY
MAR:YLANE OR MAliY.LANE
TWO WORDS THAT FALL LIKE GEN'rLERAlN
MARY
(Noticing the
Did you take my cat.?
JIMMY
YOU TOUCH MY HAND AND KILL MY PAIN
I LOVE YOU, MARY LANE
(JIMMY starts .to dance with MARY.)






MARY

J
.
..
.
, .
. ght
".
'I I'
nnmy..mmmy.m
.
,g.own.
.

JlMMY
YOU FLOQD MY WORLD WITH ALLTIffiCOLORS

OF tHESUNDAV Ft1NNIB'S

'IHE lNNOC$NT SPLENDOR OFIOSSESSOTENDER


SOFfER THAN APtLLOWSTUFFED WITH BUNNIES

MARY


Bumries? I don't know what you're talking about, but rlike the sound of it!
(Sings.)
MARY LANEOH MARY LANE
WILL HELPYOV SING ANEW REFRAIN
JIMMY
WITHYOlJ .BESIDE WE'LLSTART AGAIN
JUST :ME AND MARY
MARY

YOVANDMARY
BO"rH

YOU/ME AND MARYLANE


WHEN LIFE BECOMES A ROLLER COASTER AND

ICAN'T KEEP MYFOOTING
I'LL LOVE YOU COMPLETELY
AND STEADY ME SWEETLY
ASSWEETASSilIRLEYTEMPLE
DlPPED IN PIJDDING!
MARY
SWEET ASSHtRLEY
TEMPLE PUDDING
MARY LANE
om MARY LANE

MARY

JIMMY


JIMMY

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

YEAH YEAR!
MARY


JJMMY

BOTH

OURHEARTS POUND LIKE A DIESELTRAIN


1HE WORLD MAYCRUMBLE, WE'LL REMAIN


JIMMY
MARY
I'M LOVED BYMARY1
MARY
LOVEDBYMA.R:Y:,.LO'VED BY MARY,
LOVED BY MARY LANE
(The CH{)R{JSenters tojoinMARYJ!lndJIMkfY, :singing and dancing in
Given a chorus 0/4 weWsee (I, FIVe ilND ;n.lMErEEN, ANGEL, BELLY.lJANCER,
ZOMBIE. lftlte ca9tis vigger .. ;go
JlMMY, MARY &CHORUS
LOVED8YMARY, LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BYMAltyLA'NE
LOVED BYMARY. LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BY MARY LANE
(JAc;Kand RALPH's /leads popupfrom behind a set piece.)
JACK, AAI.,.PH& CHORUS
LOVED BY MARY, LOVED BY MARY
(MR. POppytLECTURlSRptJps upbetw.een them)
MR. POPPV/LECTURER& CHORUS
LOVED.BY MARYLANE!
(ALL 1'11REEdrop ()utojs.ightas MAEandSALLYpbPUP elsewhere.)
MAe,$ALLY & CHORUS
LOVED BY MARY,LOVEDByMARY
(SALLY'SB41JYIRALPHpops up to join ;them.)
SAU.Y'S BABY/RALPH & CHORUS
LOVE!> BY MARYLANE!
(GOAT-MANpops up elsewhere)
GOAT-MANILECTURER& CHORUS
LOVED BY MARY, LOVED BY MARY
(JESUSlJACKjoins them.;



















.I..-:9-J8

JES.U$/JAOK CHORUS
NOTMARY MAGDALENE, BUT LANE! LOVEDaY MARVLANE

flom zh(! .ce.iling. It reads.: "LOPED BY' MARYILOVeJ) BY


MARrlLoVED /BYMARY LAN'E. .. T'h PLACARD GlRJ,pFompts (o]oin In,

usitJ.giheLECTf.1RER ':s pointer tt) help everyone sing;al()ng With ihe cast.) .
ALL
LOVEDBV MARY, LOVED BY MARY,

LOVED BVMARY.LANE
(And bey,ij'the audience ishavingfun, feel.free.to repeat .the above section! .JlMM:Yand
,MARYdescant as the rest ofthe cast repeats the CH.ORUS.)
JIMMY MARY OTHERS &CHORUS
LOVED.BY MARY
LOVED BY MARY
LOVBDBYMARY LANE
LOVEDBY MARY

BY MARY LANE
YEAH, SHE LOVES YOU
YEAH, I LOVE YOU
yOU GOT TO Got TO
OOTTOGOTTO
LOVEME--.:WHOO!
[LOVE YOU JIMMY, YEAH
ALL
LOVED BY MARY,LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BYMA}tYLA.,A-A-AA-A-ANE
MARY & JIMMY
WE'LL SlNG TO THE R..AFTERS
OF HAPPILY AFTERS
I LOVE YOU
YOU'RE LOVED BY
MARY LANE
JIMMY
MARY
ALL
(.JIMMY and MARY kiss. Music out as the CAST'exits. The PLACARD GIRL yanks down
the sheet tmt! nmsojJstage. After applause, sirens begin to blare, growing.louder.
Jl1.dMYbreaks off)
JIMMY
(fo himself.)

Sirens.

(ioMARY.)
Look, there's something I've been meaning to give you, and I may not get another chance ...


LOVE]) BY MARY

(LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BY MARY LANE
LOVED BY MARY
LOVED BYMARY
LOVED BY MARY LANE


,
,
(Jl.MMYtries to removes his school rjrig... btitWs'S41ck.j
MAR.Y
Oh, Jimmy, your school ring!
(Noticing hfsstruggle.)
Isyour Are you putting on wejght?
.JIMMY
Maybe. Lateiy.heel'll tobe hungty.aiLthe time.
MARY
"A IDOlllent.onthefips, forever:on
i(1nterruptingherse!f.J
What did you mean. yoUtnay not get another chance?
JIMMY
I've gottamil :away.Faraway.
MARY
r'lilconUng'with you.
JIMMY
only nrlnyourlife. You.have no idea what l'vedone.
MARY
It doesn'tmatter. 'rm wearing your ring now..ior I will be as soon as you get itcoffyourt'i:i1ger. If
Romeo bas to.tun Rway,so.;does ,Juliet.
(The sirensaregrowinglouderJ
JIMMY
OkaY. 00 put on some clothes and pack a bag ..I'll wait.
MARY
that'srnorelike it. I believeiny:ou, jimmy Harper.
(Smiles)
Even ifyou do have pudgy1:tQ.gers.
(MJfRYkisseshimana neaaeS iRSide. .nMMY*S smilei:rn1'n(3diateiy drops.)
J,IMMY
(To himself,)
Goodbye, Mary. You better.
(JIMMY descends the trelli$ aTJti runs QjJinto the night. After a moment, MARYre-enters,
now}itllydtessed. She sees JIMMY's gone.)
MARY
JimmY,no!
MUSIC 24:A.Cl.0NE FINALE
..




























1-9-40

LECTURER
Thou:gh Mary's 'heart was melting, her resolve ret1.la'inedfiIin.
.
MARY

TO MY.POORLO$TROMEO
WAND'lUNG 'm'&OUGH TEmNIGHT
..
YOUR J U L I E T ~ L FIND YOU
ANJ)'MAKETHlNOS ALRIGHT
ttl
THOUGH MY TE:A:RS ARE FORMING
ttl
GREAT BIG SAt,TYLAKESHERE
WE'LL FlNO OUR LONG-LOSTLAUGHTBR
AND LIVE HAPP'LY.EVER AFTER LIKE THE PLAY .. '"
HANGON,rMONMYWAY
.,
I'M ON MY WAY..
.
(MA,RY,descends the trelJis aniigrabsherPackard,as the LECTURER enters)
LECTURER
so~ y DROVEOPFAND BRA \fBLY SWORE
TO RESCUE JlMMY .FROM TIJE'DEVIL'S DOOR
BUTBEFQRETHISDEADLY NIGHT WAS DONE
THEIR LOVE WOULD BE SHATTERED
BY A LOADED GUN!
(l'h-el;ECTURER handsapistol.to JJl.CKaslights come 'uponanabbreviate(J version 'OJ
the Reefer Den. The LECTU!RERsteps hehtnd JACK and MAE and prmtides a .lMJJIO
ANNOUNCER voice.)
>RADlO ANNOUNCER/LECTURER
...and the unidentified 'oldman was pronounced dead upon arrival.at Mercy General. Police are on
the lookout fora latel110delPackard spotted leaving the'scene ... cliCk.
(JACK "clid/cs"offthe RADJO ANNOUNCER/LECTURER.)
MAE
Jinttny?
JACK
Gorta be. And the kid was hopped upon 'birdwood provided by yours truly. He squeals, I'll have
every copper in town looking toca:nce1ttlyChristJ:nas.
(JACK.loads his gun,)
MAE
What's with the firepower?
I'm bringing him back. One way or another.
(Sings.)
JACK













































(End.simuttaneous $ecticm.The LECWRER brandishes a joint.)
LECTURER & CHORUS WOMEN MARY, J1MMY;, JACK & <CHORUS MEN
IT ALL:$EGAN'W1!H ARBEEER BUD
!TENDS wrt'HBUCKETS OF HUMAN BLOOD FJEEEEEEEY!!H!
(The follf)wingfourlinesaresungsimullaneous,ty.)
MARY
JIMMY
PLL RUN AWAYl
JACK
BLOWHlMAWA'Y!
LECTURcER;& CHORUS
SOMEONE MUSTPAYI
(T:abIeG:Uon tfte final beat as the,PLACA.RD(;IRL unfo1dsa large Chinesfan. Letters
on thepteats read: "INTERMISSION!" Blackout) ,
END OF ACT I
IDS TROUBLE'S JUSTOOlTENBIGG:eR
IGOTMY.RANDONTHETIUOOER
ANDIF ITCOMES.[)O'WNTO HlMOR ME
I'LL PULLfl', ONEl3ULLET
TBAT'S ALLlT'SGONNA'TAKE
TO BLOW mM AWAY
THAT KID AWAYJ
(MARY drIves Jzer Fackariion stage.JIJdMfruns in place. NOTE: 'The following
sections are ali'Sutl,g
MARY
TO MY POOR LOST ROMBO
WANJ)'RlNG'l'HRPUaH THE NIGHT
YOUR JULIET WlliL FIND YOn
ANt> 'M4KE'nliNOSAUlIGllT
THOUGRMY :rEARS ARE :FORMlNG
GRBATBIG SALTYL.AJms HERE
WE'LLFfi\ID (}UR.LONG....LOSTLAUGHI'ER
AND LIVEHAPP'LYEVERAFTER LIKE'rHE PLAY
HANG ON, I'M ON MY WAY
JIMMY
I AM DEPRAVED
rVEBEEN ENSLAVED
1 CAN'T BESAVED
J{EEP RUNNfN',KEEPRtJ.NN!N'
.
'WHAtWlLLBECOME OF HER
IF I:CHOOSE TO:STAY
I'VE GOTTO RUN AWAY!
JACK
HlSTROUBLE';S lUs:rGO'f1l3.\l BIGGER
I GOT MYHAND ON THE 'IRI.OOER
AND IF lTCOMES D0'W'NTO.lfiN{ OR ME
I'LL pIJIl,lT, rU.POLL IT
ONEBULLE1',O'NEBULLET
THAT'S ALL IT'SOONNATAKE
T'OBLOWHIM AWAY!
I'lVIOONNA BLOW TRATl<IJ) AWAY!
CHORUS
LOOK. OUT IDvIMY! LOOK. OUTMARYl
REEFER MADNESS HUNGERS TO DESTROY YOU!
MALE CHORUS
IT WILL BURN YOUR LIFE AWAY!
HE-E",EY!
II-143
Acrn
Scene t:ACityStreei. ;ATTain Station
MUSIC
(In dar.kness.we ,heara1Jiusicdl stin;g. Lights up on RALPH, MAEandSilLLf dressed as
a trio pj;enthus:itlsfic Manhattan 1'ra71'sj'er-typesingerspositioned bejoreanola4itne
stani/ing raaiolrii<:rophone bea.n:ng the 'call .ff!tters"W-:.T..,H..C. n oiJ,othl;!r ..l1MMr
hallucination.)
.RALPH, MAE & SALLY
REEFER.MADNESS....POW!
RALPH
MAE & SAllY
RALPH. MAE &SALLY
MADNESS! BOP.,BADOP! BOP"BOP-BOP1
RALPH
OO":.EE.,.AH!
MAE & SALLY

..AH!
(M'usiccontinues iIS the come up on the LECTURER, at hiS podium.)
LSClUfijER
When. last weleft Mary Jimmy'S steadfast sweetheart was comboingthe dark rain-spattered
street8:in 'searcbofher wayward young inan.
(MA.RYcrosses in her Fackard.)
MARY
.,JIMMY,nMMY WHERE ARE YOU?
RALPH. MAE & SALLY
OOO..,A.HH.HHHHI:iHHH
JIM-JIMMY-JIM!
MARY
JIMMY, JlMMYWHEREARE YOU?
11-1-44
.AALF'H, MAE &SALP(
OO.,AH..OO AH";C)O.!
JIM..J1M.MY.,JIM:
(JIMMYpops (Jut a/hiding. He runs lnplaceJaaing theaudienceJ
JlMMY
GOTTA OQITAHIDE
OR THE SHAME,QH11{ESHAME
iRAlPH, MAE &SALL Y
SH.AME SHAIvJ.1 SHAMESHAiME
SHAMEl
JIMMY
TfJ.ER,E's ANOWMAN IN
BEEN SMEARED LlKEMELTED}3UTTER
AND I, JIMMY.RARPER, AM TO BLAME!
RALPH, MAE & SALLY
ALWAYS ENDEAVORNEVER TO SMOKE AND DRIVE!
(MARY enters, this time s/ze'sdriVing .apen-and..,ink speedboat. JIMMY reacts and runs
faster.)
MARY
!WMY, JIMMY WHERE ARE YOU?
HALPH, MAE & SALLY
OO-AHHH!JIM';l1MMY.,J1M!
MARY
iIMMY, JIMMY WItERB.:ARE YOU?
RALPH. MAE & SALLY
OO.,Al:I"OOAH-QO
.lJM-.JlMM.,JIM
JIMMY
nnNKOF:MOM
n:IINK. OFPQl'
AND MY SWEET JULIET
RALPH. MAE & SALLY
RO-ME-D, ME-DH, ME-OHHMH!
JJMMY
IF I STAY, THEY WILL DISOWN ME
UIEY WILL WISH THEY'D NEVER KNOWN ME
OUT OF TOWN'S THE PLACE IOOTIA GET
RAlPH. MAE .& SAJL;LY
lJ.MMY'S iON' ON 'Il;tB.Li\M
WHER:ENQBOD;:CAN FThID.alM
(MARY 'ifmte.rs, this time .she 's iina .airplane. She wears goggltts (indascaif
on stiffwires rigged ./)ehlndher.) .
MARY
ARE YOU?
RALPH. MAE &SALl...Y
(planedive;'J

MARY
J'IMMY,J!MMY WREREARE YOU?

;RAL'PH. MAE & SAL:LY
TRAIN STATION!
(ThePLACAJUJ GlRLenters w#ha sign 't'hatsays"TRAlN S1'ATlON. 'J> t'helC1VRJtR
dons.'agreeneyeshade lind mounts a tiekt.(aker window to thefrontofhispodiU11l.)
RALPH, MAE & SALLY
WOOO..()O..OOO! WOOO-OOOOO!
CHla..CHIOOA.,OOGGACHIOOA-CHUG-CHUG
CHIGGA.(CHUG..CHUG
tr:ainnoise.;)
WHOO()O$lI!
(.!IMMY amvesat theneketWindow. Light out on RALPH, S4LLYand MAE.)
JJMMY
HeUo,sit. I'd like aone-way,t;rain
tJJheLECT(lJ?I#l. .iSfJOW atICKT.;TA,KJ{ withan4vuncular ul-playei/....tne-:Stage..
M(i1in:ager-once.. jJlJ;11tCanorJ
Where to,sorl'l
(After apainfolpause..J
JIMMY
Parts unknown.
TICKET-TAKER
Looks to me like you've got yourself into a pickle with the Reefer.
JIMMY
(NervousJ
.II--146
Reefer? Hah! Whatev.ergive$ you that idea?

Runawa.y Reefer Fiends,a1'ways tlyoohqpattam for Parts UnknoWil. You try your level best to
nm.away, hut ittur,J:1S out in the end you're only fromyourseIf.
JIMMY
(Suddenly, .MARYenters on .anupper level,riding tl rickshaw pulled by the
ldndof exaggerated aepictionofa Chinese Man that wot#dn seem mit ofplace in a
1930's Charlie Clum movie.)
MARY
JIMMY. DMMY WHEREARE YOU?
(Everything back to nortmal, ,JIMMY rubs his (eyes and turns to the .TiCKET..:.TA!KER
(THELECTURERj,)
JIMMY
I tbiDk I'm seeing things. By any chance, didyouu.seeagid in aricksbaw?
TICKET-TAKER
No, but I once saw a girl o:n a swing in Tijuana. Heck ofashow.
(JACKsteps outfrom the
JACK
That'sjll8tihe withdrawal symptoms kicking in. Long time ho see, kid.
JIMMY
Jackl HQw'4 you know whereto find me?
JACK
Runaway Reefer Friends always try to hop a train for Pans Unknown.
(.JlMMYglances at the LECTURER, who gives him a See? Toldja" look. JACI(sRoot5a
threatening look, and ,the LECTUReR pulls down 4 window.shade that says "CLOSED"
on the ticket window,)
Lees take it on the heel back to the R:eefer Den.
Nix to that. I'm through With Reefer!
JACK
Mind's all made up, huh?
JIMMY
You bet. And don't think you call pull some dirty trick to get me back there -it won't work.
n-1-47
JACK
I guess tbing left todothen...
(An ominous moment as JACJ(reaches into his gun? But.instead,
hepulls i)uta .bro'YiTnJe! Music out,) ,
JACK

a'like 'brownies'?
JIMMY
Notbin'dom' .
JACK
Baked it myself:
{JIMMY wavers.lt,looksgoodj
JIMMY
Well .. .Iamkinda hungry.
(JlMMYtakesia bite. Lights ,change. Everything is too happy.)
MUSIC 26: tHE BROWNIE 'SONG
,JIMMY
'I'HIS BROWNlEIS YUMMY
IT'S 1lIBGREArns'f'BltOWN1E KNOWN TO,MAN
IT'S CHEWY;, l1".8 '.NOTrY
'fH'IS.13kO\VNIB'SRBALLYOOOD!
DONit OFFERMEA'MACN&OON
MY BROWNIE SUITS ME FINE
THERE'SFROSTINGQN"TIm TOP
AND BEST OF ALL rr's
(Th:e CHORUS MEMJ}JERS fha/mill (lbout the ,station--bums"COnilUc.tor3,passengers,
f!.t.c.ALL begint<Jdanae and sing.1Jhe LECTUliR joins in hypeeld11,g ar{)und his
sbutter.et1tickel window.)
EATTHE.BROWNJE
BAT 1B.BBROWNm
EAT'ltIEBl&OWNIE
EAT nbE.B:ROWNIE
LET'S 00 HOME
JACK
JIMMY
OKAYl






















,

ISHlM.MER
ELECTRlC
f'MA ONE.;MANMARCHIN(i B;ROWNlE BAND
..
ILO\lEtt, MYB.ROWNlE
i
AND MY BROWNlB LOVES METOD!
IT's SMOOT:H, tr'S SWEET ..
IT'S CHOC'LATEY!
..
IT.FORMS A ;PERFECT SQUARE
ANDTHEB;ES'fESTPAltT OF .ALL IS
t1
IOON'THAVE TO SHARE!

t1
JACK & CHORUS

tl
JlMMY
ANDTHEJ3ESTEST PART OF ALL IS
IDON
1
T HAVE TOSHAR.E!
(The setc'hanges bacle to the Reefer Den everthefolluwittg. J
Ii
'"
eM
JACK & CHORUS
..
EATTllB BROWNIE
EAT THE'BROWN!E
EAT THE BROWNIE
EATnmBR()WNIE
ALL
Ii
"
YEAH!
.
(As the song ends, JIMMYsinks onto the Reefer Den .coucn, surrounded by SALLY, MAe;
II
J.ACKand .RALPH. He greedily smokes a joint as the .LEC'lVRERremoves the ticket
windowjh:ilfJ, his podium and addresses the audienc(!,)
LECTU.RER
At tbispoint" Dear Parents and Concemed Citb:ens,tliere he some oorit\lsioll over what has
"
just transpired. How hrowmepQssib.lyhave luredJitnm,y 'bakto
Den?
(Be thiS/1,si/it wereoco1tJpletelyalien ooncept)
It'f:U:OlSout known to .actually bake the maribua:na into the
browmesby chopping the&ied into small bits and mixingiheI1linto the batter..,
(l/the.audience is laughing, the LECTlJRfER should use it.)
Nervous laughter. Yes, yes. let it out. An underStandable release, glventhe sbockingreality.
(If it's a slow night, .the LECTURER says "Yes. Stunned silence. An understandable
release, given the shockingreality.'J .
(Lights up on the Reefer Den. w.here we find JIMMY on the couch, puffing greedily,
flanked by MAE, SALLYand RALPH.)














Careful Jinnny, trot too fast.


JIMMY
Ohyeah! Yealt!This weed's ,a triple scremnandone big yell! I need more! More I tell ya' ,more!

,JACK

Mwa,ys happy to ciblige a ustomet.

{'Benolds up (fljaint . .!lMMYttnXllously reachesfor it. JJlCKpulls :thejoint aw4.}1.)
Make thatapaylntrcustomer. Pony up.
JIMMY
But'---'but I'm broke, Jack.You'yebledme dry.
JACK
Not quite.
(JACK grabs Jimmy's handandyanks 'the sehoul ring--:hard.)
JIMMY
It doesn't come off, ,so .don't waste your ...eeeeeeyowww!
(JACKexamines
JIMMY
l:wassavingtnat ringfor Maty.


JACK
Wh.ereelse you gonnaget your5K? From.theooloteds down in1heJ?ZZ Qlilartei? Those chow
chows over'at Madatne 'Ling1S? like a lead
Leave tmmaione, Jack.
(JACK wheelsfOfl MAE.)

JACK
IwillIGLL y(nl.

(MAE shuts up. JACK bites the ring, giving it the B-movieauthenticity test)

JACK

Real gold.
(JACKstujft somejoints in JIMMY's shirt pocket.)


JACK
Smoke up, Pipsqueak. This'll get you tbroughthe entire weekend.



til
(JACK flings ihe joint to thejJoor, but freezes in miil:mo'Ve. An eager J1M;MY Starts to
leap after it, .Cf$ do the QPporlunistic RA.EPHandSALLY....tmt they also!reezemid-move.

..
..

Tahleau,) .. .,
.,
.,
OHORUS
(Offstage,) .,
REEFERMADNESSl REEFER MADNESS!
.,
(Aptian 'resrtmes..JACKflips thej()int to thefiooF. JIMMY, R,ALPH.and SALLcontinue
..
diving after it, $cramblingonthefioor,) .
.JACK

..
See you in fhe funny papers.
..
(JIMMYsnatc'heS up the prize, then gUards it protectivelyjrom would-!bereefer thieves ..
RA.l..PH.andSA.LLY. MAE/ooks a little ,queasy ov,er the degree ofJiMMY's degradation.
Blackout. Th.f! LECTflRER stands at the podium as.he ,ties.on nis.MR. POppy apron.)
"
..
LECTURER
Meanw'bi:lf1. judicjous-inquirysoon led young Mary Lane tos_:;ms:we.ts...
..
his soilajerk hat, he is onceagaifJkindly MR. POPPY.) "
... Down At ,the Ol'Five and Dilne!
tJ
Scene 2: Store
.,
MUSI28:FIVEANDDIME(REPRISEl

up ion ithe Five and Dime. Several .TEeNS dance .about to swing music. MARY

enters lxeelinefor MR. POPPY, who dances with lheTEENS.)



MARY


Mr. Poppy,have you seen Jimmy Harper? I'm awfully worried and I've been searching filf.him
all dver to'W11. .

Jimmy Harper, Y',say?


.(Mlt POPPYta'kesMARY aside:)
You might try Mae Coleman's piace.420 Elm Sweet. Lost boyfriends have a habRofendingup

there.

MARY

.(Kissing/tim on the cheek:)

Thank you,Mr. Poppy, thank you!



MR. POPPY

(Knowingly:)

Have fun.

(MARY The music gets creepy and the dancing gets sexual and Fosse-like. The

KIDS grind lasciviously with MR. POppytJ.s he picks up the phone. RlNG ... RlNG ... )


KlNDLY MR.. poppy
;OWNERbF 'I'HESHOP, HE
ICElJ.A SECREt UEE
OFREEFBR,FLOQZIES ANJ)GlN
,(Llghits on 1?AJ;PH, smokinga/ofJein the Reefer Den. RALPH picks ,up the
phone,)
MRPOPPY
1ack1That you?
(lUJ:LPHcacklesm(ldly intothephtme.)
04,hl, Ralph.
KIDS
.Im WOULD MAKE ABUNDLE
HELPING lAO{ TOiRl1.NDLE
LITI:LECHlLI>1tEN OFF
"rOPAY nmWAGBS OF.SlN
MRPOPPV
(Into phone:)
Listen, tell Jackthere's.a.:i1ew victllncoming up. Tell hiDl to work the soft sen. She's a sweet
littIeMaryPiCkfordtype.
RALPH
be waiting.
(The lights dim ,on :th(3 Reeler Den, but not on the Five and Dim, where MR. POppy
shows the KIDS aserylittle Bop P(Jssepole dance. The KlJ)S whoop itU{J,cheering him
on.)
MR.POPPV
YA' NEVER-KNOW WHAT EVIL
R.EALLYLURKS
IN THE HEAR.TS OFFruENDLY SODAJERI(S
MR. POppy & KtDS
I'LL VEAD YOlJRKlDS TO RUIN
'CUZ NASTYTHING$ AREBREWlN'
DOWN AT THEOL' 'FIVE AND DIME
(Lights fade on a tableau. The LEC1VJlliR stepso.ut o.f the tableau, removes his MR.
POppygear and crosses to hispodium. He brandishes a newspaper. Back to business,)
LECTURER
A :recent headline in Mr. Hearst's Los Angeles Examiner reads: "Deadly Marihuana Harvest
Means Enslavement ofChildren." And poor, unsuspecting Mary Lane was about to meet her new
master.














..

fA. DOOImE.L.Lring in BMCKtakes ~ tfJ.".
Scene 3.: AReefe.r ,Den
.the Ree/er!Den. SALLY a:nd JIAfMY.are getting hOi and heavy on the couch. JIMMY
humps 4nything within re.ach. The doorbell rings.4frantic:RALPHnins .tn.)
RALPH
I need the room! GotcottylanY at the dooi! You .mind takin' it upstairs?
,

..
SALLY
Don't mind1akin' it anyWhere.
(Lifts JIMMYbythe shirt.)
, Lefsgo, lover.
,
RALPH
C'mon....c'motl, step on itl
(SALLY ana .J1MMY exit upstairs. 1UJ;LPH tears around ina panic, .straightening 'Up as
theyerlt. Then he vault$ove.r the couch and throws open the door. He's suddenly' Errol
Flynn suave,)
.
"
RALPH

Hi there. I'm Ralph.


..
MARY
..
,
Hello, my name's Mary Lane. I was told I might find my hoyfriendhere. Jimmy Harper? Have
you seen b.i.tn? . .
..
.RALPH
..
He..Juststepped out to pick up some Bibles for our prayer breakfast.
..
..
MARY
That's;my.Jin:ttny.
..
(Notes J1.i1,LPH's sweater.)
..
Say, is that aftaternityswea.tet? Is Jimmyhatl:p.g out with college boys?
..
RALPH
Why yes. Yes he is. We here at Phi Beta Cannabis were ;so taken withJittrmy that we decided to
pledge him em:'ly.Whilehe'8 still inblgh school.
..
(The PLACARD GIRL crosses: "REEFER MAKES YOU A PATHOLoGICAL LL4:R/'')
..
MARY
(Squeals.)
..
That's the bees'knees! Wait till that Susie Maybeny heats about this!

(RALPH lights his joint.)


..

..
RALPH
Let'scetebtatemth.a :smoke.
MARY
Hold on-tbisisn't that "'reefer" rvere.adabo:u.t. is it?
RALPH
No" nO,ofcourse not. .Never touch the stuff.
(M;tR'y impulsively takes thejointJ
ifnll1 goi:qg he dating,aftaterriity.man.
MARY
LII"l'LHMARY SUNSmNE
WITH HER REMClYfSOLOW
WARycoughs.)
LITTLEMARY 'SUNSHINE
WlTHHERnUCKSINAROW
RALPH
MARY
RALPH
LlTTLEiMAR,Y S(JNSHlNE
NEEDS A CHANGE IN fIER.LIFE
MARY
Myhead feels Ralph..
RALPH
LITTLE MARY SUNS:ffiNE
NeEDS A MAN..
(llecacliJes.)
NOW COME
IT'S tIME TIlAT YOULEAR;NED TO BE BAD
YOU MA.ICE A CHAltMlNGARMFUL
SOSNUGGI UP, MY BVITERCUP,
'CUZ YOU BEEN.HAO
MARY
(Giggles)
Ob, Ra:lpb, I think you tricked me ...
(RALPHgives her another Pf!.jf.)
























AALPH J
OaSMOKEIT, MARY SUN"SlIINE
DISSO;LVB.INTItESWEEf13lJRNING GLOW
COME LOSE YOl1ltSELF IN PLEASURE
WHEN tHEBAMBALACHA'S G01'CHA

YOU'LL .FORGET nmWORD''NO'"


'(:I'ri:es tofocusJ
Oh-Ican't-.,....;whatabout Jimmy?
.JIMM'S AROOE
PROVlNCIAL.AND DULL
;(Make.s a "square "sign in the air with hisfingers.)
,
DON'T BE TRICK:ED
B'E'SSTRICTLY QUADRILATERAL

MARY

TIMI\4Y'S A BOY
I'M READY FOR MEN

BOTH

LET'S GO UP AND POWN AND UP AND DOWN


(SholJing llALPH to pelvis-;level.)
AND DOWN AGAIN
Little Mary SunShine, you are ultra-ultra,!
I PEEL A Ll'f'rLE NAUGHTY
BABY. I'LL HELP YOU RELAX
!'LLTlE YOU UP WlTHPHONE CORD
WE'LL.PLAYWITH WHIPS AND NIPPLE CLIPS
AND CANDLEWAKl
NOW HOLD ON, MARY S1)NSHlNE
LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY
(MARY tears open her blouse.)
JUST CALL ME MARY "WANNA"
MARY
,
RALPH
,
,
MARY
RALPH


MARY
RALPH
MARY
RALPH
MARY

41
41
ANDMMYGOTSbMESCA'RY
LITtLE GAMES TO
(She ,asst1#ttshzm with wild sexual
I'LL LATltEa YOtTOP
AND GlVEYOU A SHAVE
A PAJ)DLlNGWHILEStRAJ)DLING
MYU'tl'LE'SLAVE
(R.A,LPHscreamsandst'rl;tggles 10 get away.)
DOWN ON yOuRKNEES .
IT"S .POlNtL13SSTOFIOHT
.SAVE YOURSl'RfBNGnt
IT'SGONNAaB ALENOTHY NIGIlT
RALPH
Help! Thiscrezy tomato's takin' liberties!
(RALPH sthJggles against MARY's superior ree[er--'i;ntluced $l:rengtltJ
BOTH
GOODBYE"rOMARY;SaNSHINE
REEFER HAS BLOWN OUT-HER MIND
SHE'S NOW A HOT.,HAY HUSSY
(RALPH begins crying.)
MARY
DON'T "ODRUN
I'M NOT DONE
CAN'T YOU '!'ELL. WE'VE JUST BEGUN
WHAT'S YOUR RUSH? YOU'RE NOT HAVWG FUN?
RALPH
I'm not!
RALPH&:f\IIARY
MARY.--MARYSUNSltINE
BURNS.FOR
YEARNS FOR DI.R.TY LOVE!
(MARY pulls RALPH down toa pile ofpillows and begins tearing his shirtoJJ. Music
out.)
RALPH
Come on! Let me up!
MARY
Shut up, bitch.
(The PLACARD GIRL crosses: "REEFER gives you a POTTYMOUTH!" JIMMYenters,
SALLY tries to draghimback.)
;SALLY
Jtmmy,c"mon. What do yoo. ;want to .go mthere for?
JiMMY
I need somernore bug1eaf. I got a andI don't wanna lose it.
(Sees N/ARYana }ULPH.) .
MARY
Jimmy, come on andjoinus. We're havin'a hotsy totsytime.
'RALPH
Kid, it':8 notwhatit look's.Hke-
JIMMY

MUSIC 30: .JIMMYATTACKSRALPH
{A strobe j'lickersas JIMMY leaps O'nto RALPHanil pummels him in
with a'nimaJrage. Regular action resumes as JACK and MAE enterJ .
JACK
What"sali the racket?
RALPH
jack! Ht;lpme! He'.s ldllin:'me!
:(JACK runs over.arawshis gzm and pulls them lIpart.JACK and JIMMY struggle. The
:gunfires. JACK conks JIMMY. who falls Ul'l(J(Jnscious 10 thejJoor.)
JACK
Geez
J
that stupid little weed-freak.
MAE
ls.everybody9ka.y?
(A Jook ofsurprise crosses MARY'sface.)
1...ithink I've beensnot.
(MARY st4.ggers woozify toward the still-unconscious JIMMY, collapsing next to him.
EVERYONE stares.)
SALLY
She fell down!!!
JACK
Mae, get me sPl11e smelling salts.
(Turns to 1ULPllan(J SALLY.)
Listen, you 'two. forget you wer,eever here today. I will handle this. Go!
.(SALLYf!i#Ji 1l:ALPH beat a nastyre.treat. MAEretums with Jhe sme1Jingsalts.Sh.e sntffs
thetntocalmher nerves. :Aaah. Nicertl$h. MiUc'h better.)
Giminethat!
(JACK grabsth!!smelltng salts.. FJeputsttz.eguninJIMMY's trona. then waves the
.smellings.altS ttnd(!,rJ1M;MY's nOse. JIjMjMY wdkes up and Climbs ,(ontsfee.t. He sees the
gun .innls hand....MARYiyillgon theJllJOr .. .)
JIMMY
Mary? Mary! Whathappeaed?
JACK
You sbofher.
MAE
(Sotto.)
Jack, no.
(JACK lifts.a hand,MAEshutsup')
MARY
J.lMMY
Sh'bh.It'llbeok4y.lproOlise.
MARY
.I feel so.cold.
(JIMMYapproaches JacK.j
JIMMY
Give me the ring.
JACK
Welliook-:ee here, Casper Mi11cyMToast is .giVin' me orders.
(JIMMYJf!tsthegunand holds it to JACK~ s face, polntbltuJk.)
JIMMY
I shot MaiY.What makes you think I won'tshoot you?
(For the first time ever, a flicker of uncertainty crosses JACK's face. Behind JACK's
back. MAE silently pleadsfor JIMMY to pull the trigger. She is disappointed when JACK
hands him the ring and JIMMYlowers the gun. JIMMY kneels beside MARY and slips the
ring onto herfinger.)
MARY
Oh, Jimmy, it glitter$ likeastilr.
(SJ11gs,)
WEARE mST Ln<.E ROM]EOANb JULIET
... ":1>'0 .Y;T.ATiP"'T *orr,:n.;:T:G: A""tn
WE .. ..JII.I:l, .. :1. ...:1.' ... Vpl, , ...
(She .cou,ghs,i:ncredutous.)
HEMoRRHAGING BLOOD
.(M:IfR'Ilouks iUP to JIMMY and smiles weakly.)
DIDY.OOGET TO READ THE ENOlNG?
WAS lTPERFEC't'?
nIDTBEYLOVEUN'fIL TImYGOT OW?
JIMMY looks to MAE and JACK Jor help ..MAE and JACK shake their
heads----it wasn't ;a happy ena'it.(g. MARY.and JIMMY both know she '$ dying, ,but they
play the game anyhow . .JlMMYis.chokedWith emotion.) .
JIMMY
It was heautiful. Thc::ygrew:up and .everybody they knew came to the wedd.iI1g.
MARY
Did they have 'babies'?
JIMMY
Yeah.Sixofthein.
MARY
That's good. I love babies.
JIMMY&IV1ARY
IT MAKS.MEJ:OCAPPVKNOWIN'
mATWBW'\lEI) UKEROMEO AN' ...
(MARy dies.)
JIMMY
...JULIET
(Jl}.f;Af.Yweeps. The PLACAlW GIRL crosses: "REEFER annihilates TRUE
Mary. Mary. Huw could I have :shot yoo,?
(We hear the sound ofapproaching sirens. JACKpeers out the door.)
JACK
Coppers.
. I

















,
It
..
.(MAtaKes .advantage (;{ JACK'sdistrapti(}tJ tetty Jo drag JlM!MYaway. Jl!MJJ4Y
..
:resists,)' '..
MAf:
litnn1y, iJ1J.ttbe back window. Hurry.
JIMMY
NQ,Mae. .IpWle4 .the I have to t'aectnyp'Unishment.
'MAE
Don't youge1: it?Jack was;holdingthe gun. lle"splann:in.g tofratne: you. Nowbcat it.
(Btl-dden/p,ll POLICE OFFICER lTHE PUCMUJ ;GIRLjanaaPOLICE DETEC'fWE
[1'llE.LECTlJ:l{EUjemer.The OFPICRClitffo JiMMY.)
p.olrCEOETECT:IVS(LECTljRER
Nobodytnove!
.JAOK
Officers, 'tbarikg0d--4bis.kid'buxstinuere :with a gun and jU$tstarteds)aooting..
laugbfug!W'e think beensm@king
,(TheOFFlCERand1)ETECTlJiE begin to leadJlMJrllY(Jut.)
POUCE OETECTIVE
Just like you read about inthe papers.
t
. JfMMY
t
That's notttue! Tell them w"hat,realiy happened. Mae!
t
{The DETECTIVE stfJpsj
t
t POllee DET5GrlVE
Ma'am? Do y<>uhaveauytbing to say?
t
t
t
(!JJhe momento/truihjbrMA/E,)
t
t
MAE
WeIL.I..

t
J1MMY
Mae, please.

t

(JACK holds up ajointouto!theeye-lineofthe COPS. He threatens to snap it in two.
MAE has no choice.)


MAE
No. The kid burst in shooting. Just like the man said.









,

,
"UMMY
Mae, no ...

POLICE DETECTIVE

Kid. you'r-e gonna hutnfor this.

41
(The PQUCEMENt/rag J1MMYq'jf. As so.on as they 'regone., .JACK .Uends dOlvn a'tUi
,
41
retr/fNt;S the rin.g from .MARY's finger. He grins evilly. Music as lights 'Out.)
, .Sc&ne4: A Reefer Den
(The LECTtT:KElJ. crosses iohis podium, re11'/()vinghls overcoat and hat.)
41
41
LECTURER
41
Afta swift trial, lames Fenlinote fIm-perwas found guilty ofMary Lane'srnurderand.sent to
death row.. fu.his book, Marihuana, Weed QfMadness, Earle.Albert Rowell
41
explains how marihuana inmates to fall desperatelY inlovewith each'other,
just as they would with women outside prison walls" end quote.
(lloldsup script pagesJ


I
Some perversions not appropriate f.ordepiction onthe public stage,andtherefore
these .scenes shaJi be omitted.
(Ifl'!nyoneinthe tbis,the LEC'I'URER.registers !shockand
,
disgust. Ifthe moment .seems right, heniight add a sotto, Joan .audience
member.)
It seemed that lack and the Reefer Denizens had .successfully eluded justice. Their getaway was
I

clean.Tb.eirconsciences, alas. were not.
I
(Lights up on the Reefer Den.. RJl.LPH, SALLY .and MAEpl.ay cards on a dim, creepy
night. Low .rollsojthunder b;tt no rain just yet-4he subtle menace.ofastorm about to
I
break. ALL workhard toremaincatm. RALPHfidgets nervously. a reefer dangling from
hisjingef's. The radio plays:)
ANNOUNCER/LECTURER {V.O.}
Hellq,Mr. and Mrs. America lees ,go to bowels
ofCity Prison, Jimmy "The Cannabis Killer" Hatpetea.tshis final nleai his
midnight. .

I
(iMA.E clicksojftheradio. She utterly ignores RALPHand turnsto SALL.Y.)
MAE

We can't just letJin:mJ,y die.


RALPH
Shut up! Shut up!
SALLY
(Ignoring RALPH.)
Look, the kid's yesterday's headlines and there ain't nothln' we can do about it. When's Jack
bringin' some new boys home?
(1?.tJLPHtipsover .thecaI'd tahle.)
RALPH
Shut up,!Shut upl
SALLY
oushut up! Wha:t.a:reyuu,lluts?
(S4.LLY and MAl;; right the cwrdtable as iRAiLPHpaces 'the room, pujJing forious1y.The
m ~ o f w e e d tmdguilt hosariven him quite mad. lIe sit$ (m theflovr.)
RALPH
MUSIC 34: MURDER
(Suddtmiy, aGR()SnrVlSION of.lIMMY :flppeQ/rs, vhible only to RALPH. RAiJ>H
yelps withfear. MA!E,and.SA.LLYcontinue .toresettheir cardgame, oblivious)
JIMMY
REMEM:BERMERALPH?
I'M ABOUT TO FRY
RALPH
Shut up!
JIMMY
W'HILE YOU AND YOURF'RIENDS
STANJ)IDLY BY
MY LIFE [S .NOWA TICKFNGl30MB
i'MGONNA MISS MY SENIOR. PROM!
YOU MURDERED .ME, RALPH!
RALPH
Shut up!
RALPH
MURDERED YOU?
JIMMY
MURDERED ME!
RALPH
MURDERED HIMl
(The WOMEN look upfro.m their card game.)
,


SALLY
4
,
4
4
,
4
MAE
Maybe you hettercoolof[;ontltemugglesthere.
,
,

RALPH

(1tA.!LPH heads for the (Jffstage kitchen. Sudde,nly.(;Q.lfT-,MifN[THE LEC1.'1JI!.EB]a:tJd ,

11EA,i) .MAJfY ,oPPe(JIfon thestair8 ./J,tfiJc7ang l:ziin.MJJ1lf Iscna.inei1 andspfiJrt$a fur
,
J
hrldm. She'sscttred,butputs tmabrave/ace. she:s got pluck. G04.T-MSAN
ravages kfA:RYas she sings.)
,

MARY
,
REMEMBERME,aALPB?
rVEBE:EN$EN"f TOHBLL
A PUBESCENT EDtriONQF mzEBB;L

IT BURTS A LOTtOlfiBND
BUT AT (LEAST l'''\.'EMAllE A FR!JEND
GQAT.,l\\fAN
(Bili}atsJ


RALPH
MURDERED TlIEM!
(JACK enters, noticing RALPHfreaking out.)


It


M.AE

That mug's wound l!pijkean Onetoomany giggle sticks.

RALPH


JACK
Check

HI\LPH
The icebox. 'that's good! That's good!
t
(RAlPH runs back to the stpirwell. He is attacked by..i!1.RE$FER ZOMBIEl RALPH
t runs aroll'ntl ,the room.E;verywherehe goeshispat1t. 1$ .1Jloc'kedby REEFeRZO'MlJIES!
Since this is all inRALPfI'shead, noneoJthis disturbsthe.card game.)

t

.ZOMBfES

OPEN UIEGATE ANDABANlJONHQPB
WITH THE GHOSTS OF THE KIDS THAT GOT HOOKIIDON DOPE

(To the REEFER DENIZENS)




THEY.ARESAVlNGUSASPOT


.(RAT..PUPPE1'S with glowing eyes pop up froJnthe 8et.Theysing inhigh-'pitchedAlvin
ilWlhe Chipmunk!svoices.) .

YOUMUlIDERED T.fIEM,R,ALPH!
RALPH" JIMMY, RATS&lOMB1E$
MOJIDEltEJ) 'EN1!MOlU)mO 'l!M1
MURDERED ''EM! MURDEREDcEM!
(RALPHjumpson th.e rats,tryingta bite .them.)

RALPH

FeUas. wait! ,gotanyci1eese or what?

(Lights return to normal. RALPH's btihaViorunnerves the o.ther REEFER lJENlZEN8.)

SALLY
HE'S LOSING IT, JACK

t
JACK
4
GEE, YOU DON'T SUPPOSE

MAE


HE'S LIABLE TO CRACK
AND SPILL ALLREKNOWS

MAE & SALLY

HE'S REALLY ACTING WEIRD



JACK


PERHAPS IT'S TIMEHE DISAPPEARED
HE'D NEVER BE MISSED!
I COULD

(JACKreachesfor his gun,)



ZOMBIES & JACK

MURDER HIM! MURDER HIM!



MAE

Jack, no! You me thatbean"'shooter, you'U have the cops tigllt back here ...
(Goodpbint. JACK holsters his gun.)

JACK
We'll play.itY0lll" way...fornow.

(Meanwhile, RALPHhas begun to 'nuzzle SALLY's neck. Suddenly, she cries out,)

SALLY

Ow! He bit mel

RALPH
,

Jack? I got me tbemunchiesrem had ....
,
(lMLPHnibbieson SALLY's slaps him away.) ,
,
SALLY
He'sgivin' metbe :cree.pin' heebie-jeebies.! ,
,
JACK
,
C'mon. We'll go and get Ralph a bite.
,
MAE
,
Yeah, he's liable to wake the whole building with all that racket.
,
(SALLY seems prepared togo with them, butJACKstops her.)
,
,
f
f
f









t
JAOK
You stay. .hi.m. pipeddoWIl.
(JACK and MAE eiit.SALLY 'isn.one toop/ea$ed to be left with ,the lunatic. RALPH
advan.ces" a creepy sniileon hlsface.)
SALLV
1 don't like the way he's thatgnib.


. ..
RALPH
Leg..;gtUb...
(Lightning crackles as the ZCJMBIESappear (Jinddeac(!md()nSALLY,al()ng with RALPH.
SALLYscrean:tS. Everything goes ,black. ThePUCA:RJ)GIRLcrosse$ withtlslgn: ";But
l10tTwentyMinutes tAter:... " iLightsbacK upon the Reefer Den,. It's eerily quiet. JACK
andMA!EenterWitha bO:tojChinese tdke-out,shaldngfi}fthe rain.)

MAE
RaJph, we have Hl0'S... Ralph? Safiy?'Where'dtheygti?

{JACK benilsdownandpickshis gun offthe floor. Now he's worried.}

It


JACK
They best not have skipped town.
lV1A:E
Sally? Ralph?

It

(Mus}c crescendos as RJU;PHpqps.upho/ding SALLY':sdisemibodied head and arm!
MAEscrn'l11'l,S:a,s RA.lPBchewsonSA1J:,ysiarm.1'he PLACARD GlRLcrosses the $tage

.' h '. .'i.D'l?1;':r1'T."f'> ,.. = .1IT:i'1t.Tr"r.rr1:'<'I"

n .)l.'rp"oc:r.
..
" 'bl
00
d'.i1":
'ar!PP''fg OJJ
,IT

WIt a SIgn: )\il.j1..:i:l.'Lrtglvesyou niJjl?ggu::S,

hisface. He ,approaches MAE aniiJACK, zotribi:e4ike.)


RA1.,PH
IFOliND ME A SNACK, rrWASNICE.AJ'ID FRESH


JACK,&MAE
'THE WEEIJ.MA.DE aIMJIUNGRY FOR'!ruMAN FLESH!

(MAE containers at R:ALPH. JACKholds up his gun.)
t

JACK
t
STEPA'WAY YOU MUG
'CUZ THAT'S AURAN!>NEWPERSIAN RUG
MAE
HE'S NOTGONNA STOP!


Al,L BUT RALPH & JACK
MURDER ffiM! MURDER HIM!











































(But .RA.LPH cOlrtinuesto .ailvance. JACK ShaDts .l1ALPH .in the .stomach four times..
.1MI.J'Hlodks down at thejresh woundtrnrl bac/;p to .fACK. He .iau,gh$and.con.linues to
a(/VanceonJACKand MAE. In the exdtement,SALLY''S severed 'head is kicked 'Offstage.
R..iILPHlaughs. JJ1CKJjres .athimtwomote times. RA.J}PH's laughterpetersout asJze
sty/Irs to thej}ootandfinally ilitiS. The PMCA1ID$lRLenters With .a sign: "REEFER
makesyou LAveH4TDEATHl'')
MAE
OhGpd, ohGod,oh God...
JACK
Mae! Don't getqueerl:>u
(ONE-c:ARMED DE4D .io .have been
sewn backomoherbody. DEAD.RALPH risesarul joins .his Zombie brethren. DEAD
.MARY,GOAT-MtJN-ALLhut J1MMY. .-Join the ZOMBIES and surround!Ii.JW;.J
ZOMBjES
OPEN THE GATE AND ABANDON HOPE
WiTH '{FE GHOSTS OF THE KIDS
THAT GOTHOOKED ON POPE
MAE
NOW I.SEE TFJ:EM. JACK!
AND THEY ALL WANT 1HEIR. CHlLDHOODSBACK!
WEMlJRDEREOTHEM .JACKl
MAE & ZQMSteS
MURDERED THEM!MURDBREDTIJEMt
MlJRDEIUID THEM! MURDERED 1'HBM!
.zOMBJES
OP.ENTHEGATE
ANDABANDQN HOPE
ZOMBles
WITH THE GHOSTS OFTBEK1DS
THA.T(JOTHOOKEDON DOPE
JACK
(TQMAE:J
PULL IT TOGEnmR.
lToMae:)
DON'T FLIP YOURSKlRT
JACK
JACK
YOU DO THE THlNGS
YOUGOITADO
IN TIllS DOG RAT DOG
EAT POG WORLD
MAE
NOW I SEE THEM, JACK
AND THEY ALL WANT
THEIR CHnDHOODS BACK


ll-4-:67
SURVlVALOF THE WE MURDERED THEM,
FrITEST JACK!
so YOU
ZOMBIES and palssurrotmdMAE.J
JAOK


MURDERED 'EM!
BEFORE 'Il{'EY MUlIDBR yOU MURDER.EDcEM!
THE WINNER IS MPROER.!MURDER! MUR.:J)J:3R!
'fH8.LASr ONE MUR;DERf
LEFTAUVE! MURDER! MURDER! AlI!
(Ligntsout on the DeAD PEOPtEandZOMBIES. Music ,Out..MAEshakes .in horror;
wazting lot .the inmtable ,death..,blo'W. it'l1eVcercomes.Finally. she opens kereyes.
Nobody here but iherse!fand JACK. JACKstnfles..lTHATsmtle!)
JACK
On tb.ebrightside, it looks like we finaliygottheplacetoourse1ves.
MAE
RalphandSaI1y and little whatsernatne are dead. Jimmy'son 'hi:s way to theeleetrie chan-and yo.u
couldn't care lessll may bea monster, but you Jaek."yoU're:the devil!
JACK
So long;as I'm the number one guy.
MUSI.C35: THE STUFF fREPR1SE)
MAE
TllEKlD'S A GONER
taJiV',RE'(10NNA'MAKElDM PAY
FOR TIlE S11.JFF
(:JACK-hanils herajoint.)
JACK
Here. Sin;uneraown,willya?
MAE
rVESEENMYHONOR
.ROLLED UP AND BURNT AWA.Y
WITH THE STUFF
WELL, IT'S GOlTA STOP
(JACK comes up to MAE from behind. He puts his armsar.ound her waist and trlesto
kiss her neck. She shoves him off.)
Let go ofme. '
JACK
(Grabbing her again.)
Hey, rro ttyin' to comfort you .here.
MAE
(Shoves him.)
I said let go!
I SHOULD SHOW HIM tliEnooR
I-iETREATSME.LlKEA Wf:fORE
I DON'! NBt3DJACKN:O.MORE
OR TItESTUFF!
(MAE drops herjointandgrinds it under her heel.)
JACK
oudumb slut! That was haifajay of,gOOODlooteryou jdwasted.
(JACKslaps her. MAEshrngsitoff,utJ(;lJfet::ted.)
MAE
I know.
(She grabs a garden hoefrom ;the Victory Garden area and wields .it threateningly. JACK
putls
JACK
Mae.. think you're doing with that garden hoe?
MAE
Taking care ofa big, fat weed.
JACK
That's it. Say goodnight, Gmcie.
(JACKjires. CliCK. Tries again. CLlCK-'CLICK-CLlCK. He 'sout a/bullets.)
MAE
Goodnight, GraCie.
(WlJACK!MAEcracks him in !hf!. headwith the hoe . .JACK reels from the blow.)
SOunS181T JACK
LAST NIGHT OF BALLYHOO
FOR THE STUFF
(WHACK! MAEhitshirn again.)
JACK
Get away from me, you crazy skirt!
MAE
THIS ONE'S FOR RALPH, JACK
(W1lACK! MAE hits him again.)
HERE'S ONE FOR SALLY TOO
(WHACK! JACK crumples to thefloor.)
HADfENOUGH?
(WHACKl JACK tries toescqpe ./hecouch.)
. .
JACK
Help!
MAE
YEA:H, YOU';RENOT SO TOUGH!
(MAE ,deliver.sthedeath-:blow btihind th couch. Bloodjetsup p{)tn be'hiNl thec(J)uch"
dl)usll;lg.M4E.)
YOll ,oNOE liAD)\,LLTIlE BRAINS
NOW 1llEY'REJUST CARPET stArNS
'YOU'RE IN NO SHAP.E TOFIGFIT
MY SID TO MAKE 'J."I:IIN:GsruGHT
CkUSE TIJERE'$ BLOOP UPON YOURNECK.11E
YOUR CORPUS IS DELECn
AND I HAVElJEENDELIVERl':ID.FROM THE SnJ:FF!
(A triumphant, BLOOD-SPATTERED MAE 'holds JACK's heart aloft and exits,)
MUSfC36: THESTUFFIBEPRISE) PLAYOFF
" , .. " .. , , ...
(Lights up on the J;ECTURER.)
LECTURER
And 'So Maeb.uniedofftosave poorJimmywm a grisly fate.Butcotild theheroi ;effozitsofone
plueky :Dlllggie junktesucceed wherea1l the powers ofheaven had failed'? Only dmewbUld tell!
S(:eneS:AnEpeution Chamber, A TownSgu8re
(Execution chamber .. ;4n elec:trl.c chair stantiscenterstage.)
.fA S.WlTCH..,PlJlLEi? [JMI,PH} thi'.QWS buttons tmdSWitches galore. cackling with
;ogieffjUltmtiiipation. .lie .reaches tip toptillthe POWEll Switch .. amiisinterrupted by ,a
FANFARE...
{lI!/O"ll'I$,:t!LlsrCIiN WM ,PfEUtJ1lM:BDlN 1'ltE
OiJJ(;l1fIALW.SA!1f.(;1!Ll1$ .I1N1JNBW Y(}JJK PlWDOCtIONS.1F ACTHIS./MA.GGlNG,
T11l$ IVf!U/JI!.R r 1J/i CUJ: AT r1IE 1/)l$.CllJtttON OF TIm DIRECTiJR IF 'I'D
SE{2VJ1NCBis DllLJ1rltlJ, RESVMll ASN{}f!Ei:JBELOW.J . .. " ./... , .
:MtJIIC$a:l;'IR'to 4IPI. ,[QPTlQftALl
... heraldingthearrival o!JESUS CHRISTl)
JESUS/JACK
Stop the execution in the name ofa11that's Holy-'--SpecificaI1y mel
(The SWlTCH-PULLER bows down in abject supplication. JESUSplays with the crowd
again. Hejlicks communion wafers into the attdience.)






Body,ofme....Bodyofm....Body ,ofme...

(T() audiencemerrtber.}

Bod:yof--hO? JeWish? .Me too.



J1MMY

Jesus! Am I ever glad to see you. 1 knew you wouldn't forsakemem my time ofneed.

JESUS

Actually, Iinuny,Uust "Callleheretogioat.

(The ,ANGELSfmterJ
YOU DIDN'T

ANGELS

JESUS

IT'S TOO LATE FOR ABSOLUIlON



ANGELS

LISTEN TO JESUS, JIMMY



JESUS

I'M JUST IlERETO WATCH THE EXECOTION


ANGELS
SHOULDA LISTENED T03ESUS,nMMY
JESUS
GUESS YOOmOUGHTTHAT I WAS JOKlNG'

ANGELS
REMEMBER JESUS, J1!MMY

JeSUs
WHrEN YOUR SCALP ISCHARRED AND;SMOKING

JlMMY .ANGELS
.JESUS JESUS
iF YOU SAVE ME OOTIA SAVE HIM

I WlLL lIEBD JESUS

THE WORDS YOU <3.A.VE OO!GO!GO!


ME GOTTASAVEHIM

JESUS
SORRy
YOUR SOUL IS BOUND FOR HELL!

HELL, HELL,fIELL!
TALKIN' 'BOUT YOURONE-WAY TICKET TO HELL!
ANGELS
OR., YEAH!


(JNGELS'(mdJESUS.exit.)
$WITCH..PULLERlRALPH
Now,wherewas I ... ? Ohyes.
(The SW/l'CU.PULLERjiildl.es withcfJ.'ntr.otsand topull the switch and ...
RESUMEHBRJ!. IF CUE #38AND #39 HAVE BEENDELETED
...MAE ruShes in pushing FRANKUN lJEUlNO ROOSEVELT {TRE LECTURERJina
wheelchairJ
MAE
the:execution! I have obtained a Pl"esidentialPardon for JinmtyHarpet!
JIMMY
President Rooseveltl
FDR/LECTURER
Hello, everyone!
(MAE hands an official looking .document to ;tbe SWITCH-Pu:r.;tER, wh.ois ptssfU1 as
nell. MAE runs toJJMMJ:. who .i's still strappeilinto thec'hair. She ,kneels bef.or.ehim.)
JIMMY
Mae, am1 eVct gladt{) $OOyou!
(TheSWlTCH-PUUER releases .l.lMMYanilsullenly.siomps qjJ.)
How did you ever .getaccess to the ufthefree wo.dd?
MAE
Ifs afu;onystory, actua.Lly.
(There 'sa/(}ng expectant beat. But that alJMAEhas got 10 say on the subject. After a
bit. FDRjumpsin.)
FOR
So, Jimmy. I've heard a lot about you.
JIMMY
And we read all about you mschool. Thanks so much f{)r coming. I promiserUnever touch :the
reefer again.
FOR
That's simply grand. Y'know, a little orphan girl once told me the sun would come out tomorrow.
Her adopted father was a powerful billionaire, so I suppressed the urge to laugh in her face . .But
now, by gum, I think shennght have been on to something!
MUSIC 40: THE TRUTH






MAE

THE 'I'RAGICVICTINIOF .ORUGABUSE


C
HAS NOW BEEN SPARED FORA.IDGHERlJSE
C
JIMMY C
n1EYWER!E;lmADYTO'COO1C MY GOOSE
4
BUTOODl!AP OTIIERPLANS
4
FDR
4
He wQrks in mysterious ways, jimmy.
4
JIMMY 4
I.FEELLlKE SOMETHING INSIDE HAS STIRRED
4
AT LaNG, LONGLAST LET tHETRU1lJBEHEARD
4
FOR
4
GOPORlH JIMMY, AND SPREAD THE WORD

FOR & JIMMY


FROM SEA TOSHlNlNGSEA

f MAE
YOU HAVE BEEN SET

4
FDR, .JIMMY &MAE
FREE 'TO TELL
THE TRl.Jl'H ABOUT THE WISOOM WERAVE LEARNED...

,(FDRpulls outrJ tambourine.)
THE TRUTH, TRUTH;, TRUTH
EV'RYBODYGOlTAKNOW,OH;,OH

ALL ABOUT THE DEMON WEED


HOW rrGROWS 'FROM ADEMON SEED
FOR


JIMMY

THATPUNGENT SMOKE WILL ROT YOUR BRAIN


TILL YOU'RE INCUR.ABLY INSANE

TRUST ME TO TELtTHEMTHE..
MAE


GONNA TELL 'EM TJIE...
FOR, JIMMY & MAE
TRUTH., TRUTII, TRUTH -
EV'RYBODY GOTIAKNOW, OH,OH
WITH VOICES RAISED IN SONG


FOR
SO LONO:!
FMJ ,JIMMY & MAE
OllltCFIILDREN T.EE1'ERON'TI!EBI{JNl(
WE'NEED'TO1'EACH1'fIEiM: 'WHAT'TO'l'.HINI(
TRUSTUS TO TELL Tl!EM THE TRtrrlI
WEC>VEGOTrO:cAPTtJRETHE NAUQN'SEAR.
SPREAD nmWOlU)'CRQSSTHEHEMISPItEJm
BUT'IlISRE AREN'TTHATMANYP-EQPtE HERE
,J1MMV
FDR
fIa-hal Not to worry, Jinuny!
WE'LL USE THEPAPERSQF MR.HEARST
FLOOD Tfl.EJ\fRWA\lES UNTIL THEY BURST
WlTHCATCHYSLOGANS 'WE'VE ALL REHEARSED
FOR, ,JIMMY &MAE
AND lCONOG:RAPH!
(GEORGE .W$lllN(;l'ON [JACKj,l]NCLE .SAJJ (RALPlfJ aniJT'HESTATUE OF
mJf1RTY[SJJJJ/Yjen,ter!) .
UNCLESAM1.RALPH
GEQRGE WASHINGTON/JACK
GEORGE WASfIlNGTON...
STATue OF UBERTYI SALLY
AND LADY LIBERTY:!
ALL
OONNATEI.L -'EM THE TRtmI, TRUTH, TRt:rrH
EV'RYBODY GOTTA KNOW, Ofl,OH
JtMMY
JUST WHO TO DEMONIZE
MAE
WHAT POLITICS TO DESPISE
GET WISE!
ALL
WE'RETAK:INGDOWNmE FINGERPRINTS OF
JAZZ MtlSIClANS AND IMMIGRANTS
TRUST US TO TI;LL YOU [GONNATELL "EM!!
TRETRUTH, TRilITH, TRUfH
EV'RYBO.DY GOTTAI(NOW, UR, OH
STATUE 'OF UBERTY
THE A.,B-C'S OF SPIN
UNCLE$AM
AND TURNING YOUR NEIGHBORS IN
FDR
ORKIN!
ALL
IT ALL.COMES DOWN TO APPLE pm
GEORGE WASHINGTON
GEORGE WA:SHINGTON WOULDNEVERLffi
(A. CHORUS MEMBER, ,dressed as Betsy Ross, leads in the PATRIOTIC CHORUS
dnum ,andflfe corps. balon-twirling majorettes, all in spangles and sequins.)
ALL
TRUST U5TO TELLYOlJ fGONNA TELL 'EM]
"f'T i:Tn TR mTJT:I'J .. .. . iT:fl";U ":rDT?tr'U
..lfin ... :1.-n:V11'1..:J ..-
EV'RYBODGoTfA KNOW. OR, OH
LET EV;R.Y Sm. AND
Ol3EYTSEIR UNCLE SAM
FDR
HOT DAMN!
MAE
TIIATPAMOUS FINGER'S SETTOPOINT:
(UNCLE SAM stepsi1J$itiea frame, and assUmes the "UNCLE S.AM WANTS YOU"
pose.)
UNCLE SAM
I WANT YOU
TO DROP THAT JOINT!
.(!'he Jilectricchattroll$ offas the ICONS roll (JtlCl ba1!Jfire. .It's,gdtcrepe paper}lames,
lighl$'aMa blowetunderneClth..ffMMf:, .MAE, and the JOONScarry arm/oruis ceO
marihuana pla'l:ll$to the Dr>nfir:e andthrowihem itl)
AU. .EXCEpT STJ.\TUE,OF UBERTY
nUSTUS TO'rBLL YOU [OONNA TELL 'EMJ TIm
STAT\JEOFlIBERTY AUL
TRln:a.,TRu:t':H" TRUJ.Ji
GIVEMEYOURURE)) EV'RYRODY OOITA
lCNOW.OM,On
GIVE ME YOUR POOR WE'M SAVIlllTG E\,'RY
YOUTH
GIVE ME YOUR Jru])DLED
MASSES DULUTH
'CAUSE HONESTY'S !HE
YEARNING !OBREATHE MAGiC KEY TOKEEPlNG
FREE OUR. GREAT
OF REEFER SMOKE! TRlJS'f US 'fO'TELL THEM
FREEDOM1FREEDO!v,(! THE TRUTH!
FREEDOM! WOOl
(Music continues {)s FD/?risesfromhis wheilchair, removeshts glasses 4nd once again
pec()westhe LECWRER. Headdresses/he audience.)
LECTURER
.Freedornindeed. Jesus was so moved that "'lnnmy" had in fact fin3I1y"1istened;',..
(Ligh.}s up .Ona cardbiJard cut-out ofJESUS in fleavenraaiatinghea:ven{y Jight. There is
.a'hole where the face like in a carnival photo booth. Thesmifitzg .faceo.f
JACKlJESUS{whoshouidcurrentlybedressed48 George:W'ashingtonjisposifionedin
the hole. M:.AilYenters. She is .dressed inspotiess white rohes, leatherywtngs, golden
haloanil canying an angel's harp.) . .
.. His Almighty and Forgivin.gFather to release Mary froiD. the fetldsbaCkiesofHell!
(MARY..ANGELascends the:steps towards .JESilJSin hea'rlenand waves as J1MMY
watchestndeiight,)
MARY-ANGEL
I LOVE YOU, ROMEO
JIMMY
PLEASE WAlT FOR ME,JULIET
MARY
Okay!
JtMMY
ONE DAY I'LL GET TYPHOID OR HIT BY A TRAIN
II-4-76
BOTH
AND WE;tLlBB aEl1NI1'ED lNHEAVEN
(JIMMY and Mi1RYwave their good-byes. Lig'hts out :01'1 MARY and JESUs..)
LECTt,JRER
Yes,an that ,happened-right here. To'yOlir pos$ibilityofavertlngother
like it Hesinyourhands.For it is only through frank, 'fruth that w
can safely protect (lur cl1ildr-enfrom,oortuption.Failing this, the .nexttragedy maY be that oyour
daughter...or your SOll ior yours...or yoJ,trcS...ot yours!
(EPERYONE is proudly throwing other .ite.msonto the 'bonfire-,:big, carill:JfJard
of Darwin"s Origin of the SpeCies, a filmcanisterqf It lIappene(i OnetfqJht, a
microscope, a telescope, 'copies ofThe Communist Mooifesto, Thefulportanee 'Of Being
Earnest. .etc.j
ALL
IT'S tIM:liFORPARENTS TO TAKE A STAND
FOR THE PRESERVATION 'OF OUR 'SWEET LAND
TIDL THE TmNGSnIAT :.SC.AR.l3US
ARE BURNED OR BANNED
OR SMASHED TOSMITH.ER.EE;NS!
AND ONCE TI:IEREEFER ilASBEEN DESTROYED
WE'LL START ON DARwrN.A.).l]) SIGMUND FREUD
AND SEX DEPICTED ON CELLULOID
Al{DCOMMONISTS AND QUEENS
(The botJfire smokes. Flags drop from above.)
LECTURER
WHEN EXPLOIT 1'HEIRFEAR
ALL
THE END WILL TIm MEANS
(C()1'J,Jetticannonsjireanashower the audience.)

REEFER&fA.DNESS!
{Blackout.}
MUSIC43:9IJRTAINCALl ("UTTclEMABYSUNSHjNi;U)
MVSIC44: SIlTMUSIC ("DOWN ATT:HS Ql'fIVE .ANpDIM'Ii"l
END Of PLAY
II4-77
ALtERNAT:! l.INESAND lYRICS
1. Instead of:
THOOOHTI:IEFUN SOMETIMES ESCAPES ME
WHEN RAPES ME
NOTHING:NlJMRSME BETTER
lHANntESTUFF
You substitute:
BtIT'TJLL JACK'S AT LONG LAST SATED . .' . .,"
IT PAYS TO STAY SEDATED
AND NOTaINGNUMBS ME .;SEITER
UlAN'lltESTt)FF
2. Insteadoftbepiacard l'eadmg"REEFERGETS YOU RAPED ANJJYOUWON'TCAREr, you
maysubstiMe a placard that reads "REEFERADDICTSget A1JUSED and THEY DON'T
CARE'" .
3. Instead of:
The music and danclngseemed:harrnless. but clearly Jirnmyhad now veered from {the Garden
Path ta the Slippery Slope .ofRell. And whatofyaur own childreri'l.Do they enjoy ''jazzxuusic'l''
FotMr.Ansooger warns us, laQiesand gentlemen, that Cab caUowaY,FatsWalle(, Duke
El.litWon and the whole weed ..lblowmg, lot are merely masgueradihgas
musicians. and are in Agen.tsofEVi1.Reefer slows downthesmoker's sense of time.
allowing him to 'squeeze in'Wmecessary "grace notes.," givmgthis voodoomusie 1hepower to
hypuotizewmte Women into indulging macts of unspeakablcdegradauon. Aro.dmakeilO mistake,
from hf3i'e on. m,themusic wouldbecomeincre8.sin,g1y .strange andpr.ofane.
You may su.bstlmte:
The music anddancmgseetnedbannless, hut clearly Iim1::nyhad ,now veeredfto01 the Garden
Path tathe Slippf'lY SlopeoflieilAndwbat .ofyoutown childxen? Dotheyenjoy')'azz music?"
For Mr. Anslinger wanISUS, ladie.s .and ,gentlemen, that .imptovisationalJazzplayersor',azzbos"
are merely ,masqueradingasmus'lcians, snd arejn fact, 1\gentsotEvil. Reefer slows down the
sll1oker"ssen.se.oftirne" allowinghitn to :squeeze in 11Dnecesst.\ry "gracen.otes,".giving flUs v.oodoo
music the power to hypnotize the weak-minded jnto indulging in acts afUilSpeabibJedCcpdation.
A:pd make n.onllstake. from here .on in, the music would become increasingly :strange .and
profane.
4. Instead of:
Where else y.ou gonna get y.ournx.? From the coloreds down in the Jazz Quarter? Those chow
ch.ows .over at Madame Ltqg'S? 'rhey'dbounce you like a lead dime.
You may substitute:
Where else you g.onnaget y.our fix? From those mugs down in the Jazz Quarter? That crowd.over
at Madame Ling's? They'd b.ounce you like a lead dime.

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