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Pak-US Relations A Synopsis

TUESDAY, 14 JUNE 2011 15:20

by Amber Aziz

Osamas presence in Pakistan gave a big blow to twist oriented US-Pakistan relations and placed Pakistan in an awful position. Pakistan's relations with US were never easy but the recent chain of ferocious incidents like Abbotabad operation, Drone Strikes, Raymond Davis fiasco andQuran burning day has further deteriorated the situation and made it pretty intricate for the two strategic partners to continue their alliance in war against terror. Pakistan is a key ally in the war on terror with US but all goes up in smoke with fingers pointing at it. In this harrowing situation, Pakistani masses seem frightened over the repercussions of tidings that Pakistan served as a hideout for Osama. Although it isn't something new for Pakistan as it has bore the brunt of its assistance to the US at number of occasions in the history. Therefore, .in order to review the Pak-US relations in the current scenario it is necessary to turn the pages of history. US-Pakistan relationship has been marked by periods of both cooperation and discord. Their relations can be divided into three distinct phases: The Cold War period; the years of crisis in the relationship during 1990s; and the current phase after 9/11 of rebuilding and redefining their relationship. The Cold War Episode Throughout the Cold War era Pakistan's foreign policy was focused on security and territorial integrity. The colonial history of Pakistan, the Kashmir dispute and the Indias hostile expansionist policy made Pakistan more prone to its security and territorial integrity. Out of these concerns in 1950 the first prime minister of Pakistan Liaquat Ali Khan visited US. In 1953 third Governor-General of Pakistan Mr. Ghulam Muhammad paid a visit to US and in 1954 US selected Pakistan as its frontline ally in South Asia against communist threat. Thus in Feb 1954 a Mutual Defense Assistance Agreement was signed. According to which Pakistan will receive assistance, equipment, materials, and exchange of technical information for defense. Pakistan received a military assistance of $1.5 billion and economic assistance as the gift of treaty. Moreover Pakistan joined SEATO (South East Asian Treaty Organization) in 1954 and CENTO (Central Treaty organization) in 1958 to further strengthen Pak-US relations. However during cold war the strategic concerns of both the partners somehow remain divergent; forPakistan it was India while for America it was the containment of Communism. In 1962 situation somehow changed when Indo-China conflict arose and US supported India by providing heavy military assistance to India, that assistance brought military imbalance in South Asia.Pakistan felt

betrayed as a member of SEATO and CENTO; therefore it resulted in strained Pak-US relations. Furthermore,

during the wars of 1965 and 1971 US gave no military assistance to Pakistan being a member of SEATO and CENTO. It was the time when Pakistan realized that US can support India against China but cannot support Pakistan against India thus Pakistan withdrew from SEATO in 1972 and CENTO in 1979 and joined Non-Aligned Movement. Afghan Jihad: Pakistan's Himalayan Blunder

In 1979 when soviet forces entered in Afghanistan the tables were once again turned. That alarming situation reminded US that Pakistan is its frontline ally for securing peace in the world, so once again military and financial assistance was provided to Pakistan. Henceforth Pakistan resumed its role asAmericas forefront partner in South Asia and was also exempted from the Symington and Glenn Amendments for a period of 6 years ending 1987. Therefore Afghan war with the help of Pakistan led towards the end of cold war. But the end of the Cold War did not leave Pakistan in a state of peace and stability. Indeed Pakistan is still paying a huge price of its US assistance. After10 years of partnership in Afghan Jihad, US attitude towards Pakistan started changing dramatically and in October 1990 US President George Bush refused to certify that Pakistan is a non-nuclear state and does not possess nuclear weapons nor it is engaged in their manufacture. As a result Pressler amendment was imposed on Pakistan as a punishment for its loyalty during Afghan crisis, supply of forty F-16 aircraft to Pakistan was withheld and amount of $ 1.2 billion was suspended even though Pakistan had paid for this. Instead of strengthening relations and crafting new ways of cooperation Pak-US relations went all time low especially from 1990-1993. Afterwards some efforts were made to normalize the relations, Defense secretary William Perry paid a visit to Pakistan in January 1995. Moreover because of this visit the Pak-US defense consultative group was revived which had not met since 1990. The Clinton administration also took interest to put back relations to normal course and to revise Pressler amendment. Therefore Brown amendment came according to which embargoed military equipment worth about $368 million was released. For Pakistan the symbolic significance of Brown amendment was more important than the material benefit as after 1990 it was the first concrete step towards the normalization of relations between Pakistan and US. The irony about US non-proliferation policy in South Asia was that India was also involved in the nuclear proliferation activities but all the sanctions, embargos and penalties were just for Pakistan. In May 1998 as a result of nuclear tests conducted by Pakistan a second set of sanctions were imposed by invoking the Pressler, Glenn and Symington amendment which prohibits military and economic assistance to any country that delivers or receives nuclear assistance. When in October 1999 President Musharraf came more Democracy Sanctions were enacted on Pakistan. 9/11 And The U-Turn In US-Pakistan Relations: It was the incident of 9/11 that changed the face of US-Pakistan relations completely and once again brought the two states close to form an alliance but this time against Taliban. Pakistan's leadership without learning from their past mistakes joined hands with US and became a critical ally and is still bearing the brunt of its unremitting support to U.S. Since 2001 till today Pakistan is fully supporting US in its war against terrorism. . Yet it has failed to achieve the status that should be given as a recompense for its sacrifices. Even after 10 years of agony, US does not show any regard to Pakistans significant role in curbing the militancy. Instead it has kept on accusing Pakistan from time to time and demands to do more. These kinds of US accusation harms Pakistans image in international community and are disliked at Pakistans end. Osama raid has further tensed the already cold relations between the two partners and has brought the future of US-Pakistan relations under intense consideration. Today the people of Pakistan have given even more sacrifices then the NATO/US troops in Afghanistan. Pakistani public already fed up by the mess created by Afghan war wants US to end this menace. Amidst national, economic, social, religious crisis, unstable political regime,

escalating drone attacks, loss of civilian lives and news of Osamas downfall has created trouble, which is spreading like a wild fire. The demand of Go America Go is being chanted all across Pakistan. This shows a growing wedge between the two strategic partners. A Pakistani private channels survey explored that 77% Pakistanis see US as their enemy. A new survey conducted by Washingtons Pew Research Centre also shows that only 11 per cent of Pakistanis view the US and President Obama favorably. The US- Pak relations have not proved much fruitful for Pakistan, and the nation feels betrayed by the US administrations. US wants Pakistan to become its vessal state, where all policies are made only to serve the interests of US. The government should devise such policies that ensure to safeguard our own land and people not the US interests. Therefore, it is now time for politico-military leadership of Pakistan to sit and review their policies before this unconditional assistance to US costs the lives of the entire nation. Albeit despite growing hatred towards American policies and its presence in the region the war against terrorism has now become Pakistans own war and therefore needs genuine concern of our government.

Timeline: History of Pakistan-US relations.

United States of America remains one of the first countries to have established diplomatic ties with Pakistan. Although the relationship dates back to October 20, 1947, it can be extrapolated that the relations have been based strictly on military and economic support. During the initial years of Pakistan, the country had the options of building allegiance with Soviet Union or United States, however, Pakistan opted for the latter. 1950-1953: Pakistans first prime minister, Liaquat Ali Khan visited United States to meet president Harry S Truman. It is alleged that during PM Khans first visit to US, president Truman requested Pakistans premier to let the CIA formulate a base in Pakistan, strictly to keep an eye on the activities of Soviet Uniona request which was not granted by Khan. Throughout the course of these years many officials from Pakistan such as commander-in-chief Ayub Khan, foreign minister Zafrullah Khan, foreign secretary Ikramullah, finance minister Ghulam Muhammad, defence secretary Sikander Mirza and special envoy Mir Laiq Ali visited US, aiming to receive financial aids from the country. 1954: Pakistan signed Mutual Defense Assistance Agreement with the United States in May. Under the agreement, many Pakistani soldiers went to United States for training whereas US also established a Military Assistance Advisory Group (Maag) in Rawalpindi. 1956: President Dwight Eisenhower requested prime minister Suhrawardy to lease Peshawar Air Station to the American Army for keeping an eye on soviet Union and its ballistic missile programme. The request was granted by the prime minister. 1960s: During the decade, the pro-American sentiments in Western side of Pakistan were at an all time high. However, the military and financial assistance was directed more towards West Pakistan, which caused an uproar and feeling of distrust in East Pakistan. Ayub Khan allowed United States to fly spy mission to Soviet Union from Pakistans territory and accompanied by his daughter visited United States of America. United States increased the amount of aid Pakistan was designated to receive from the consortium of Pakistan, half a billion dollars of which were lost in 1965s Indo-Pakistan warwar staged to cause a rebel in Indian occupied Kashmir. The war also led US to place economical and military embargoes on Pakistan, which resulted in an economic collapse. 1971-1974: Being an important ally for US during the cold war, United States supported Pakistan, despite the arms embargo. Pakistan also assisted president Richard Nixon in making his first visit to Peoples Republic of China. During 1971s war, US is speculated to have provided Pakistan with arms and military aid, in order to discourage India from penetrating further into the cities of Pakistan because losing Pakistan meant losing an important ally in the soviet war. Moreover, as per the elections result, Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto was elected as the president of Pakistan and later on became the prime minister in 1974. 1976-1979: President Jimmy Carter, an anti-socialist, won the presidential election of US and announced to seek a ban on

nuclear weapons. Bhutto lost the favours he enjoyed whilst Nixon was US president as Carter did not appreciate his policies and tightened already placed embargoes on Pakistan. However, Bhutto managed to procure items to enhance his atomic bomb project. President Carter and his administration allegedly threatened Bhutto to disrupt the process of atomic proliferation and research to which the latter did not agree, leading to his differences with the Americans. 1979-1988: During Zia ul Haqs regime, Pakistan and United States enjoyed a warm and congenial relationship, which was primarily based on military ties and advancements. During the decade, US, along with CIA and ISI, launched billions of dollars worth of operations to prevent Soviet forces from further advancing into the region. Although Bhutto was considered a socialist, he was a close and respected friend of president Nixon, which went in Pakistans favour. It is during this period that United States granted billions of dollars to Pakistan in the name of military and economical aid. By the year 1981, Pakistan was discussing a $3.2-billion aid package with United States and in 1987 Pakistan became the second largest recipient of aid after Israel. However, by the end of General Zias regime, Congress adopted Pressler amendment. The amendment banned major military and economical aid to Pakistan unless the state was able to justify and provide sufficient evidence that the funds are not being used for nuclear proliferation. However it is alleged that although Pakistan disclosed that it could enrich uranium and assemble a nuclear device in 1984 and 1987 respectively, the sanctions were not imposed till 1990. 1990: US, under the Pressler amendment, imposed sanctions on Pakistan, as the country by then had lost its strategic importance in soviet war. 1992: The relations between US and Pakistan plummeted further when US ambassador Nicholas Platt, warned Pakistan of being included into state sponsors of terrorism list, in case it continued to support militants causing trouble in India. 1995: Benazir Bhutto visited United States and requested president Bill Clinton to lift the embargoes on Pakistan and launch a joint operation to eradicate militancy from the region. As a reaction to Bhuttos proposal, Brown amendment, which provided for the delivery of $368 million of military equipment purchased but not received by Pakistan before the imposition of Pressler amendment sanctions in 1990, was passed; however, the sanctions on arms were not lifted. 1998: Prime minister Nawaz Sharif conducted nuclear test in Balochistan, in retaliation to similar tests conducted by India, which invited the wrath of Clintons administration on both the countries. President Clinton imposed sanctions under Glenn amendment on India as well as Pakistan. Glenn amendment included suspension of aid, including economic development assistance, credits and credit guarantees by the US government, US bank loans to the governments of India and Pakistan, loans from international financial institutions, such as the IMF and World Bank, and exports of dual-use nuclear or missile items. However, in July of 1998, US lifted the sanctions on both the countries for purchasing agricultural products from US farmers. Later in the year President Clinton exercised his waiver on lifting restrictions on the activities of US banks in Pakistan.

2001: After the 9/11 attacks and USs invasion in various countries to eradicate militancy, Pakistan became one of the most important strategic allies for United States. Initially Pakistan tried to strike a negotiation deal with Taliban and al Qaeda members to handover Osama bin Laden to American authorities. However, when negotiations failed, Pakistan allowed American army to use its military bases for launching attacks on Afghan soil. However, President Pervez Musharraf confessed that the country had no option but to support United States as it had threatened Pakistan of bombing it into stone age if it did not join the fight against al Qaeda. Simultaneously in 2001, US officials introduced a bill to lift all the sanctions, previously imposed on Pakistan under Pressler and Glenn amendments. 2003: United States officially forgave $1 billion worth of loan it had granted to Pakistan in a goodwill gesture and appreciation for Pakistans cooperation. 2004: President George Bush officially declared Pakistan as a non-Nato ally granting it the authority to purchase strategic and advanced military equipments. Since 2004, US army has launched various drone strikes on the north-western side of the country. The drone strikes aim to target Pakistani Taliban and supporters of al Qaeda, however, the strikes have also resulted in latge civilian deaths and caused much opposition from Pakistanis. 2007: A report was issued in which Pakistan was accused of using aid money provided by US to Pakistan for its cooperation on war on terror, for strengthening its defence against India. 2008: The trust, on both sides, has been missing since the war on terror started as US on several occasions has accused Pakistan Army to tip the Taliban and pro-Taliban factions off on US operations. In the June of 2008, an air strike by the US Army killed 11 paramilitary soldiers of Pakistan Army Frontier Corps, along with eight Taliban. The strike and deaths instigated a fierce reaction from Pakistani command calling the act to have shaken the foundations of mutual trust and cooperation. 2009: The famous Kerry-Lugar Bill, which invited much controversy and criticism, was passed in the October of 2009. The bill entailed the approval of granting $7.5 billion of non-military aid, if the command of the country accepted certain condition. The bill clearly showed USs distrust in Pakistans military command and considered Pakistani Taliban more threatening than Afghan Taliban, amongst many other essential points. 2010: In the beginning of the year, Pakistan Army in a joint operation with US intelligence agencies captured Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, a famous Taliban commander, from the tribal belt of Pakistan. The success of the operation was hailed by the United States and Pakistan was praised for its utmost cooperation. 2011: In the beginning of 2011, Raymond Davis, a CIA agent in Pakistan killed two Pakistani men in Lahore, claiming that they came to rob him. Davis was taken into custody for killing civilians, however, American officials claimed that he was entitled to diplomatic immunity and must be released immediately. Raymond Davis was later acquitted of the murder charges and was sent to United States.

In the May of 2011, Osama bin Laden was killed in an operation conducted by US Navy Seals in Abbottabad, Pakistan. President Barrack Obama claimed that the information pertaining to the operation conducted in Abbottabad was not shared with Pakistan Army. However, ISI claimed that the operation was conducted jointly, a claim which was blatantly denied by President Asif Ali Zardari. Since the war on terror started in 2001, Pakistan has received an estimated amount of $20 billion from United States; however, in the wake of OBLs raid US withheld $800 million of aid to Pakistan. US-Pakistan relations plummeted again when 24 Pakistani soldiers died in an air strike by the US Army. Afghan and US officials claimed that the firing was a result of the attack launched from the Pakistani side of the border, however, the Pakistani military and government denied the claims. As a result of the attack, Pakistani government ordered US army to evacuate Salala air base which was being used to launch offensive on Taliban and militants. Moreover, the government also halted Nato supplies for United Sates. 2012: Since the beginning of 2012, various political parties along with the military command of the country, met and held discussions on restoring Nato supplies. Diplomats from United States also tried to reduce the friction. Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani said that the supplies were blocked without any pressure and will be restored with consensus. Moreover, Nato Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen urged Pakistan to reopen Nato ground supply routes to Afghanistan. However, Rasmussen also said that Pakistan had not been invited to the crucial 25th Nato summit to be held in May in Chicago. Simultaneously, US Senator John Kerry, a leading proponent of US aid for Pakistan, said that Pakistan needs to be more cooperative, in order to eliminate Taliban sanctuaries from the country. However, top Pakistani leaders decided to meet on May 15, in order to discuss ending a blockade of foreign military supply routes into Afghanistan and repairing US relations, signaling a rapprochement ahead of a Nato summit. Simultaneously, in a sudden shift in events, Nato, on May 15, said that it will invite President Zardari to the alliances summit in Chicago, after the countrys foreign minister proposed reopening its Afghan border to Nato military supplies. President Zardari accepted the invitation and decided to attend the summit. However, on May 18, US lawmakers in the House of Representatives debating the National Defence Authorisation Act voted 412-1 for an amendment that could block up to $650 million in proposed payments to Pakistan unless Islamabad lets coalition forces resume shipment of war supplies across its territory. However, on the same day, four containers laden with supplies for the US Embassy in Kabul crossed into Afghanistan from Pakistan via Torkham border post. A local official while confirming supplies to the US Embassy via Torkham said he could not say when the cargo had been transported. Pakistan government has never put restriction on the transportation of supplies for the diplomatic missions, including the American Embassy in Kabul, a senior official, who was dealing with the matter, said. Ban on the transportation of Nato supplies is still intact.

Simultaneously President Zardari arrived in Washington on May 19 to attend the Nato summit in Chicago. However, both the countries were unable to strike a conclusive deal on the restoration of Nato supplies as the summit ended. In a fresh warning to Pakistan, a Senate panel on May 23 approved a foreign aid budget for next year that slashes US assistance to Islamabad by more than half and threatens further reductions if it fails to open supply routes to Nato forces in Afghanistan. Sen Patrick Leahy, a Democrat and the chairman of the subcommittee, and the panels top Republican, Sen Lindsey Graham, said money for Pakistan was cut 58 per cent as lawmakers questioned Islamabads commitment to the fight against terrorism. Moreover, the Senate Appropriations Committee, on May 24, voted to cut aid to Pakistan by a symbolic $33 million $1 million for each year of jail time handed to Shakil Afridi, a Pakistani doctor who allegedly assisted the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) in finding Osama bin Laden. However, the United States agreed to reimburse $1.18 billion or almost 75 per cent of the claims Pakistan has submitted for the expenses incurred in the fight against militants along the Afghan border. The approval showed that despite increased tensions, the US financial assistance to Pakistan has continued although it is becoming increasingly difficult to get congressional support for helping Pakistan. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, on June 7, said that the United States was running out of patience with Pakistan over safe havens of insurgents who attack US troops across the border in Afghanistan. Panetta spoke after talks with Afghan Defence Minister Abdul Rahim Wardak on the latest leg of an Asian tour that has taken him to India, but not Islamabad in a sign of how dire US-Pakistan relations are. On June 8, US Assistant Defence Secretary Peter Lavoy arrived in Islamabad, in a fresh attempt to bring an end to a six-month blockade on Nato supplies, crossing into Afghanistan. However, on June 11, the United States withdrew negotiators from Pakistan after talks failed to produce a deal on reopening vital Nato supply routes into Afghanistan. Sherry Rehman, Pakistans ambassador to the United States, still sounded optimistic and said that the return of an American negotiating team from Islamabad, where it worked with Pakistani counterparts on revival of the Nato supply routes, does not represent an institutional US pullout. Moreover, Panetta ruled out an apology over an air strike last year that killed 24 Pakistani soldiers and badly set back efforts to improve US-Pakistani ties, saying it was time to move on. Gen John Allen, the top commander of American and Nato forces in Afghanistan, visited Pakistan on Wednesday, amidst heightened tensions between the two countries. The agenda of the talks remained to restore Nato supply routes and cross-border attacks launched on Pakistani soil from Afghanistan. Pakistan, on July 3, agreed to reopen key supply routes into Afghanistan ending a bitter stand-off after US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she was sorry for the loss of life in a botched air raid. A US official said that as part of the deal Washington will release about $1.1 billion to the Pakistani military from a US coalition support fund designed to reimburse Pakistan for the cost of counter-insurgency operations.


Pak-US relations: A very analytical history

Nadeem F. Paracha | 23rd February, 2012 71

The United States first established diplomatic relations with Pakistan on 20 October 1947. The relationship since then has been based primarily on US economic and military assistance to Pakistan which Pakistan never seems to get enough of. Pakistan is a major non-Nato ally of the United States, even though, for some odd reason, it keeps pretending that it is one of the biggest anti-US, super-duper power in the world. The United States is the second-largest supplier of military equipment to Pakistan and largest economic aid contributor but Pakistanis refuse to acknowledge this and insist that the equipment and the aid actually come from Saudi Arabia via Dubai on flying camels. In 1955 Pakistan became a member of the US-run Central Treaty Organisation (also known as Central Free Treats Organisation). The promise of economic aid from the US was instrumental in creating the agreement. Getting the enigmatic Coca-Cola formula was also a motivation.

During the Indo-Pakistan War of 1965, the US did not provide Pakistan with military support as pledged. This generated a widespread feeling in Pakistan that the United States was no longer a reliable ally.

According to the US it cut off weapons supplies because Pakistan military had started the war with India by using its soldiers disguised as Kashmiri Mujahideen. However, the Americans did consider nominating these Pakistani soldiers for the Oscars in the Best Character Actor category. They lost due to the obvious Christian-Jew bias in Hollywood.

In 1971 Pakistanis were angry at the US again for not bailing them out from yet another war they started against India. Just why Pakistanis kept testing their friendship with the US by starting hopeless wars with India is anybodys guess, but some experts believe Pakistanis found bullets and bombs better tasting than the Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookies the US send instead for the Pakistani war effort. In April 1979, the United States suspended most economic assistance to Pakistan over concerns about Pakistans nuclear program under the Foreign Assistance Act. The Pakistan government, then under the benevolent dictatorship of General Ziaul Ghaznavi, retaliated by banning the sale of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookies and publicly flogging over 200 young men just for the heck of it. However, since God works in mysterious ways and (according to the Pakistan Ideology) is more akin to listening to the prayers of pious military generals, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan forced the US to rethink about its Pakistan policy.

The Russian invasion of Afghanistan (inspired more by smuggled John Wayne movies than Karl Marx), highlighted the common interest of Pakistan and the United States in opposing the evil Soviet Union. In 1981, Pakistan and the United States agreed on a $3.2 billion military and economic assistance program aimed at helping Pakistan deal with the heightened threat to security in the region and its economic development needs. The deal was code named LOL!

The poised, pious, powerful Zia regime distributed the military aid among the Pakistan military, Afghan mujahideen, enterprising gunrunners, drug barons, university students and wedding planners; whereas the economic aid was used to develop Pakistans economic infrastructure by building madrassas, madrassas, madrassas and mosques. Pakistan with US, Saudi and divine assistance armed and supplied anti-Soviet fighters in Afghanistan, eventually defeating the Soviets, who withdrew in 1988 but left behind a number of bored Arab, Afghan and Pakistani fighters. These fighters wanted to recreate Afghanistan not like what it was just before the Soviet invasion but what Afghanistan was like on the eve of the first Bronze Age.

After the Cold War

Prior to the September 11 attacks in 2001, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia were key supporters of the Taliban in Afghanistan. The Taliban were a large group of herdsmen who were convinced that goats were more valuable than women and sheep had more feelings than human beings.

By 1996 they were ruling Afghanistan. The Pakistan-Saudi support to these unkempt herdsmen was an integral part of the Pakistan militarys strategic depth objective vis-a-vis India, Iran, Russia and the Vatican City. After some reckless piloting by some Arabian camel jockeys who went on joyrides on planes, eventually ramming them into New Yorks World Trade Centre, Pakistan, led by General Puppu Musharraf, reversed course and dumped the herdsmen after he was put under pressure by the US. US president, George W. Wuss, had threatened Musharraf, growling that the US would bomb Pakistan back into Stone Age if he didnt dump the herdsmen. What Wuss didnt realise was that a back-to-Stone Age scenario was exactly what the herdsmen and their supporters in Pakistan were working for. Hee Hee. Nevertheless, imagining an age when the military was made up of club carrying half-naked ape men, and when macho men and petite women didnt have a uniform fetish, and when Coca-Cola was yet to be invented, Musharraf joined the US in its Error on Terror as an ally. Having failed to convince the Taliban to hand over Osama Bin There Done That and other members of alCalendar, Pakistan provided the US a number of military bases for its attack on Afghanistan, along with other logistical support such as double-talk, half-baked cakes, diarrhea pills and a pair of poodles. Since 2001, Pakistan has arrested over 500 al-Calendar herdsmen and handed them over to the US, but they have kept the more muscular and pious looking ones for themselves, lodging them on the mountains of Pakistans rugged rock n rolling tribal areas to tend to the militarys strategically depth sheep. In return for its support, Pakistan had sanctions lifted and has received about $10 billion in US aid since 2001, primarily military, whereas rest of the aid is used in growing juicy grass which a majority of Pakistanis eat so that their military can keep eating cake. In June 2004, President George W. Wuss designated Pakistan as a major non-Nato ally, making it eligible, among other things, to purchase advanced American military technology and Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookies with extra icing. Pakistan has lost thousands of lives since joining the US Error on Terror. Most were killed by the irritated Taliban herdsmen (approximately 35,000) and some by American drone attacks (approximately 9000). But many Pakistanis believe most were killed by the drones (approximately 2 million) while the rest by innocent men with an abnormal combustion condition in which normal, peace loving and pious men suddenly combust in and outside mosques, shrines and markets. This condition is blamed on the tempered polio drops these poor souls were given in childhood by Zionist agents masquerading as NGO workers. Ruing its strategic mistakes in the area, new US president, Barack Obamarama, conceded that the US had made the mistake of putting all its eggs in one basket in the form of General Pappu Musharraf. In Pakistan, Musharraf was eventually forced out of office under the threat of impeachment, after years of political protests by lazy lawyers, confused civilians, overexcited politicians and bored mullahs.

With Obamarama coming into office, the US promised to triple non-military aid to Pakistan to $1.5 billion per year over 10 years, and to tie military aid to progress in the fight against militants. This has rubbed the military in the wrong way which, along with its allies in the shape of fat pious men, has claimed that such non-military progress in Pakistan is against the Pakistan Ideology. The military might have a point here because some extremely brilliant media men such as the scholarly and judicious Sangsar Abbasi (author of the acclaimed books, Jews Must Die and The Wonders of Flogging Women in Public on the Pretext of the Shariah Wah, Wah, Wah) have warned that non-military progress in Pakistan can lead to moral corruption and obscenity in the society and all that juicy grass that most Pakistanis eat will go to waste. The purpose of the new aid is to help strengthen the democratic government led by President Asif Ali Bhutto Zardari Bhutto and to help strengthen civil institutions and the general economy in Pakistan, and to put in place an aid program that is broader in scope than just supporting Pakistans military. BLASPHAMYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Sorry about that. Present US-Pakistan relations are a case study on the difficulties of diplomacy and policy making in a multi-polar world (especially by men with assorted bipolar disorders). The geopolitical significance of Pakistan in world affairs attracts attention from both India and China (and for some odd reason, from Surinam as well), making unilateral action almost impossible from the US. This was explained in an article titled Grrrr by an American policy expert. In February 2011, the US administration suspended high-level contacts with Pakistan after The Everybody Loves to Hate Raymond Davis incident occurred. Raymond Rambo Davis, an alleged private security contractor and Sushi expert, was on an American diplomatic mission in Pakistan when he shot dead two Pakistani locals and claimed that it was in self-defense after the two attempted to rob him. Pakistan acted tough on Davis despite US demands for him to be freed because he enjoyed diplomatic immunity. However, the Pakistanis eventually let the bugger go when the US promised to increase its supplies of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookies, but this time according to the dictates of Islamic law. Thats why Betty Crocker cookies now have the word Halal inscribed on them. On May 2, 2011, shortly after 1 am the head of al-Calendar, Osama Bin There Done That was killed by a United States special forces unit led by an army of T-1000 Terminators, in the Pakistani city of Abburstabad. The operation, codenamed Operation Neptune Spear and Other Phallic Symbols, was ordered by the United States President Barack Obamarama. Numerous allegations were made that the military of Pakistan had shielded Osama Bin There Done That. Critics cited the very close proximity of Bin Theres heavily fortified compound to the Pakistan Militancy Academy, I mean, Pakistan Military Academy. US government files, leaked by Trikileaks, disclosed that American diplomats had been told that Pakistani security services were tipping off Osama Bin There Done That.

Most Pakistanis were scandalised. They were sure that the American accusations were part of a huge international Reptilian conspiracy funded by western multinationals, Jewish bankers and Congo bongo players against the Pakistan military and its fat pious allies.

Al-Calendar threatened to kidnap Betty Crocker and subject her to the torture of listening to Ali Azmat talk about the political, social, cultural, scientific, spiritual and psychological Zionist plot behind Einsteins E=MC2 followed by hours and hours of taped Deepak Chopra lectures. Nevertheless, Pakistan remains to be a major non-Nato ally as part of the US Error on Terror. A leading recipient of US military assistance, Pakistan expects to receive approximately $20 billion, slurp. Perhaps, if the US simply reduced this aid to a couple of stacks of West Virginian grass for Pakistanis to eat? However, in the aftermath of the Osama incident, Pakistan Army cancelled a $500 million training program and sent all 135 US trainers home, but not the hundreds of Uzbek, Chechen, Afghan and Arab trainers training Pakistani herdsmen in the tribal areas of Pakistan. But whos counting.