a look at

tribute bands
of two of
the cheesiest
performers in
rock history:
neil diamond
and boston
PRACTICAL JOKES
way beyond a marker to the face
5
WEIGHTLIFTING
were here to pump. . . you up
TRIBUTE
BANDS
a different kind
of rock star
10
TRIBUTE
BANDS
Jayplay
APRIL 27, 2006
7
JAYPLAYERS
Driving in my car, I am Kelly
Clarkson. I also can bust out
some Celine Dion (Its All
Coming Back to Me =
awesome). In my car
I am an unashamed
crooner. I try my best
to imitate these artists
but I often fall short.
On rare occasions, I will
venture to a karaoke
venue and try my hand at a live
performance. I remember one
particular rendition of Frank
Sinatras New York, New York
that involved elaborate leg
kicks that were so impressive,
they landed me on my friends
Web site with a caption that
read:No one can see
you make an ass out of
yourself at Duffys. So I
am in awe of the tribute
bands mentioned in
Kristen Maxwells story
(p.10). They all have
real guts and can all
perform in ways I only dream
of. I know Frank Sinatra, Kelly
Clarkson and, yes, even Celine
would be unimpressed by my
sad attempts to honor them
and their music. Luckily, I have
the good sense to only allow
a chosen few to see this side
of me.
Unless, that is, Stella Artois is
involved.
Lindsey Ramsey
EDITORS NOTE
EDITOR THE STAR
Natalie Johnson
ASSOCIATE EDITOR THE RAMDOG
Lindsey Ramsey
CLERK GETS AROUND TOWN
Andrew Campbell
DESIGNERS MAKE IT PRETTY
Becka Cremer
Jacky Carter
Drew Bergman
PHOTOGRAPHER TELL ME WHAT YOU
NEED
Kit Leffer
COPY EDITOR MAKES IT RIGHT
Tara Schupner
BITE ALWAYS HAS THE MUNCHIES
Melissa Byrd
Carrie Hillard
Erin Wisdom
OUT HITSTHETOWN
David Heller
Charissa Young
NOTICE TAKES NOTE OF IT
Liz Nartowicz
Malinda Osborne
Carolyn Tharp
HEALTH KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Marion Hixon
Jason Shaad
CONTACT HELPS YOUR LOVE LIFE
Stefanie Graves
Kristen Maxwell
Rachel Zupek
CREATIVE CONSULTANT KNOWS
A LOT
Carol Holstead
WRITE TO US
jayplay06@gmail.com
JAYPLAY
The University Daily Kansan
111 Stauffer-Flint Hall
1435 Jayhawk Blvd.
Lawrence, KS 66045
02

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
VOLUME 3, ISSUE 28
15
TABLE OF CONTENTS
FEATURE
rockin out imitation
CONTACT
when a partner is depressed
SPEAK
sugar addiction
17 15
OUT
pranks: how far can you go?
NOTICE
pumping iron
7
CALENDAR
whats going on
3
HEALTH
drinks thatll jolt you
BITE
the skinny on fasting
10
9
15
5
REVIEWS
we tell you what we think
15
13
19
An article in last Thursdays Jayplay needs
correction. The article,The thin web line,
should have said that Darcy had two Web
sites, the second of which was Finding My
Wings. She quit operating the frst. In the
same article, Darcy landed in the hospital
from an unspecifed drug overdose, not
because of the use of antihistamines.
C
Bomstad, Volunteers, Leo
Nightingale. Eighth Street
Taproom, 10 p.m., 21+, $3, 785-
841-6918
Cosmic Bowling. Kansas Union
Jaybowl, 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., FREE,
www.ku.edu/~calendar
Darfur Beneft Concert.
Uptown Theater, 7 p.m., all ages,
$10, www.uptowntheater.com*
Drive-In Movie: King Kong.
Memorial Stadium, 9 p.m. to
12:15 a.m., FREE, www.ku.edu/
~calendar
Helping Phriendly Band
(Phish Tribute). Jazzhaus, 10
p.m., 21+, $7, www.jazzhaus.
com
Kelley Hunt. Uncle Bos T-
Town Bar, 8:30 p.m., 21+, $18
advance, $20 day of show, www.
unclebos.com*
Mic Mechanics Emcee Battle.
The Bottleneck, 9 p.m., 18+, $7-
$10, www.bottlenecklive.com
Pinback, Aloha, Life and
Times. Granada, 9 p.m., all ages,
$13, www.thegranada.com
The New Tragedies, In the
Pines, Doris Henson. Daveys
Uptown 10 p.m., 21+, $6, www.
daveysuptown.com*
The Receiving End of Sirens,
I am the Avalanche, Hit the
Lights, Weatherbox . El Torreon
Ballroom, 8 p.m., all ages, $8,
www.eltorreon.com*
Tamarind Fold, The Americas,
Cair Paravel. Jackpot Saloon,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$7, www.
thejackpotsaloon.com
The Ants. Gaslight Tavern,
9 p.m., 21+, $4, www.
gaslighttavern.com
Tribute Jam II: El Loco &
Because. Grand Emporium, 8
p.m., 21+, $5, www.kcclubs.com*
University Dance Company
with Guest Choreographer
Wally Cordona. Lied Center,
2:30 and 7:30 p.m., $7-$10,
www.ku.edu/~calendar
Alkaline Trio with Against Me.
Beaumont Club, 7:30 p.m., all
ages, $14.50, www.kcclubs.com/
beaumont.cfm*
Country Wars. Grand
Emporium, 9 p.m., 21+, FREE,
www.kcclubs.com/grandemp.
cfm*
Dixie Witch and The Cast
Pattern. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m.,
21+, $2, www.replaylounge.com

Film: King Kong. Kansas Union
Woodruff Auditorium, 6:30 and
9:45 p.m., all ages, $2 or free
with SUA activity card, www.
suaevents.com

Film: Memoirs of a Geisha.
Spencer Museum of Art
Auditorium, 7 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.spencerart.ku.edu
Hot Lunch. Jackpot Saloon,
10 p.m., 18+, FREE, www.
thejackpotsaloon.com
Lecture:Identity and Power:
Transcribing Oral Histories of
Plant Animism in the Upper
Amazonwith
Renee Hanson, graduate
student in Latin American
studies. Bailey Hall 318, noon,
all ages, FREE, www.ku.edu/
~latamst

Neon Dance Party. Granada, 9
p.m., 18+, $3, www.thegranada.
com
Novalus CD Release Show.
Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+, $3, www.
jazzhaus.com
Shanti Groove. The Bottleneck,
8 p.m., 18+, $8, www.
bottlenecklive.com
UMKC Jazz Mixer and Dixie
Witch. Mikes Tavern, 6 p.m., 21+,
$6, www.mikestavernkc.com*

University Dance Company
with Guest Choreographer
Wally Cordona. Lied Center, 7:30
p.m., all ages, $7, 785-864-2787

Wine & Cheese Lecture:
Environmental Problems
in China with a focus on
water with Jennifer Turner,
coordinator of the China
Environment Forum. ECM
Center, 4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE,
www.ceas.ku.edu
Workshop: Writing on the Job.
JRP Hall 204, 9 to 11 a.m., all
ages, FREE, www.hreo.ku.edu
Workshop: Yoga in the
Workplace. Burge Union, 301
Relays Room, 11:30 a.m. to 1
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.hreo.
ku.edu
a
l
e d
a
r
THURSDAY 4.27
FRIDAY 4.28
SATURDAY 4.29
American Catastrophe,
Roman Numerals and
Olympic Size. Daveys Uptown
Ramblers Club, 10 p.m., 21+, $6,
www.daveysuptown.com*
Art Opening: The Garden:
Season to Season. Fields
Gallery, 7 p.m., all ages, FREE,
785-842-7187
The Band that Saved the
World. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+,
$5, www.jazzhaus.com
Baroque Plucked Strings
Instruments. Murphy Hall, 3:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, 785-864-
9746
Bingo. Eagles Lodge, 7 p.m., all
ages, FREE, 785-843-9690
Cosmic Bowling. Kansas Union,
11 p.m. to 1 a.m., all ages, FREE,
www.suaevents.com
Country Jam. Beaumont Club, 8
p.m., all ages, $8, www.kcclubs.
com/beaumont.cfm*
Developing Democratic
Values. Hall Center, 3 p.m., all
ages, FREE, www.hallcenter.
ku.edu
Film: King Kong. Kansas Union,
6:30 p.m., all ages, FREE with
SUA card or $2, www.suaevents.
com
Free Play. Replay Lounge, 3
p.m., all ages, FREE, 785-749-
7676
Hawk Nights Street Ball.
McCollum Basketball Courts, 5
p.m., all ages, FREE, suaevents.
com
Helping Phriendly Band,
A Tribute to Phish. Mikes
Tavern, 10 p.m., 21+, $7, www.
mikestavernkc.com*
Ladyfnger. Replay Lounge,
10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.
replaylounge.com
Play: Man of La Mancha. Polsky
Theatre, 8 p.m., all ages, varies,
www.jccc.com *
Play: The Marriage of Figaro.
Crafton-Preyer Theatre, Murphy
Hall, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $10
students, 785-864-2787
Poker Pub. Liquid, 7 p.m., 21+,
FREE, 785-749-HAWK
Forget the Fall, Harmless
Addiction and State of
Empathy. Boobie Trap
Bar, 8 p.m., all ages, $5 - $6,
boobietrapbar.com*
Return to Self with Volpine.
Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 21+,
FREE, www.kcclubs.com/
grandemp.cfm*
Seminar: Andean &
Amazonian Worlds. Hall
Center, 3:30 p.m., all ages, FREE,
www.hallcenter.ku.edu
SLAM AIDS Beneft with
Michael Garfeld, The Kinetics,
Emperor Stan, Farewell to
Ashlyn, and Death & Flowers.
Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $5,
www.thejackpotsaloon.com
Trivia Riot. The Brick, 7
p.m., 21+, cost varies, www.
thebrickkcmo.com*
TriPoint Paradox. Granada, 9
p.m., 18+, $5, www.thegranada.
com
Tunes@Noon. Kansas Union,
12 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
suaevents.com
Beaumont Club
4050 Pennsylvania Ave.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-561-2560
Boobie Trap Bar
1417 SW Sixth St.
Topeka
785-232-9008
The Brick
1727 McGee St.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-421-1634
Daveys Uptown
3402 Main St.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-753-1909
El Torreon Ballroom
3101 Gillham Plaza
Kansas City, Mo.
816-561-8349
Grand Emporium
3832 Main St.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-531-1504
Mikes Tavern
5424 Troost Ave.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-444-3399
Polsky Theater
Johnson County Community
College, Carlsen Center
12345 College Blvd.
Overland Park
Record Bar
1020 Westport Rd.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-753-5207
Uptown Theater
3700 Broadway St.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-753-8665
WHERE
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 03
King Kong
Peter Thompson
Shanti Groove
Doris Henson
The PBR Band
*
Poetry Slam
Pulp Fiction
Kelley Hunt
Gould Evans
Robert Glasper
TUESDAY 5.02
Art Department Student
Scholarship Exhibition. KU Art
and Design Gallery, 8:30 a.m. to
4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
arts.ku.edu/art/adgallery.html
Battle for Rock and Metal
Fest. Grand Emporium, 9 p.m.,
18+, 816-561-2560 *
Film: Pulp Fiction. Kansas
Union Woodruff Auditorium,
7 p.m. to 9 p.m., $1 or free
with SUA Activity Card, www.
suaevents.com
Gould Evans Architects
Exhibit. SUA Gallery, Kansas
Union Level 4, 9 a.m. to 4:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
suaevents.com
Lecture:The Apotheosis of
Danjuro the Eighth: Piety
or Parody?by Dr. Melinda
Takeuchi, professor of
Japanese art history, Stanford
University. Spencer Museum
of Art 211, 5 p.m., all ages, FREE,
www.ku.edu/~kuarthis/
The Mansfelds. Bottleneck, 10
p.m., 18+, 842-LIVE
Table Manners. Fatsos,
9:30p.m., 21+, $2, 865-4055
04

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
WEDNESDAY 5.03
Black Box Memoirs. Harbour
Lights, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, 785-
841-1960
Caspian. Jackpot Saloon,
18+, FREE, 10 p.m., www.
thejackpotsaloon.com
Explore Evolution. Natural
History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.nhm.
ku. edu
Exhibition: Transformations.
Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m.
to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
spencerart.ku.edu
Fresh Ink. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m.,
21+, $3, www.jazzhaus.com
Gooding. Grand Emporium, 9
p.m., 18+, 816-865-4055 *
Gould Evans Architects
Exhibit. SUA Gallery, Kansas
Union Level 4, 9 a.m. to 4:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, http://www.
suaevents.com
Kelpie/Headlights/
Supernauts. Replay, 10 p.m.,
21+, $2, www.replaylounge.com
Lecture: University Forum:
State of the Prairie Ecosystem
in Northeast Kansas. ECM
Center, 12 p.m. to 1 p.m.,
all ages, optional lunch, $3
students, $5.50 others, www.
ku.edu/~ecmku
Poetry Slam. Kansas Union
Hawks Nest, 7 to 8 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.suaevents.com
White Ghost Shivers.
Bottleneck, 10 p.m., 18+, 842-
LIVE
MONDAY 5.01
Art Department Student
Scholarship Exhibition. KU Art
and Design Gallery, 8:30 a.m. to
4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
arts.ku.edu/art/adgallery.html
Explore Evolution. Natural
History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.nhm.
ku. edu
Gould Evans Architects
Exhibit. SUA Gallery, Kansas
Union Level 4, 9 a.m. to 4:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
suaevents.com
Lecture: Physics and
Astronomy Colloquium Dark
Energy and the Future of
the Universeby Steve Hsu,
University of Oregon. Malott
Hall 2074, 4 to 5 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.ku.edu/~calendar/
M-Pact and Genuine
Imitation. Granada, 18+, 7 p.m.,
$10, www.thegranada.com
Metal School w/ DJ Cruz.
Jackpot Saloon, 18+, FREE, 10
p.m., www.thejackpotsaloon.
com

Pretty Girls Make Graves.
Bottleneck, all ages, 7 p.m., $10,
785-842-LIVE
SUNDAY 4.30
Acid Mothers Temple. Record
Bar, 10 p.m., 21+, $10, www.
therecordbar.com*
Art Department Student
Scholarship Exhibition. KU Art
and Design Gallery, 1 to 4:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.arts.
ku.edu/art/adgallery.html
ArtReach Opening Reception.
University of Kansas Hospital,
2 p.m. to 3 p.m., all ages, FREE,
www.kemperart.org
Moonlight Towers. Replay
Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.
replaylounge.com
The PBR Band. Harbour Lights,
10 p.m., 21+, $2, 785-841-1960
Koufax, Marry Me Moses, The
Midday Ramblers, Adams Eve.
Pearson Hall front lawn, 3 p.m.,
all ages, FREE
Play: Marriage of Figaro.
Crafton-Preyer Theatre, Murphy
Hall, 2:30 p.m., all ages, $18,
www.kutheatre.com
Psychic Ills, Sad Fingers,
Superargo, Davan. The
Bottleneck, 9 p.m., 18+, $7-$10,
www.bottlenecklive.com
Shaggy 2 Dope. The Granada,
7 p.m., all ages, $20, www.
thegranada.com
Voodoo Blue, Aberration. The
Boobie Trap Bar, 8 p.m., all ages,
$5-$6, www.boobietrapbar.
com*
Embodiment
Pretty Girls Make Graves
Is your life lacking mischief? Play a prank
to enliven things.
Last January, Re Scott got a phone call
from a number he didnt recognize. When
he answered, a woman he didnt know
said something about being an operator
for a replay program. The Topeka junior
was confused.
Then she asked a question: Who would
win in a fght: Johnny Lawrence, the
leader of Cobra Kai and the teen nemesis
of Daniel LaRusso in Karate Kid, or Biff
Tannen, the guy who bullies around
Marty McFly in the Back to the Future
series? Scott started
laughing. He knew hed
been pranked.
Along with cheap beer,
bad pick-up lines and
late-night pizza, pranks
are a hallmark of college
night life. They range from
harmless phone calls to
elaborate stunts. And
whether theyre offensive
charades or innocent fun,
pranks let us vent our
inner mischief.
Scotts friend pranked
him using a free online
calling program called
IP-Relay, which allows
deaf people to place telephone calls over
the Internet by typing to an anonymous
relay operator, who then makes the call.
Calls placed with the program come
from an unknown number, which allows
pranksters to avoid caller-IDs. While
clever, the prank has a fip side. Due to
pranks through IP-Relay, deaf people who
use the service are experiencing a higher
rate of hang-ups by people who assume
theyre receiving a prank call.
Prank calls arent the most popular of
college hijinks, says Amir Blumenfeld, a
senior writer for the Web site CollegeHumor.
com,which receives hundreds of photo and
video submissions from college students
each week.The number one prank in college
today, he says, is shaming using a marker
to draw on someone who is passed out. In
second place is the dorm door obstruction
prank, which involves blocking someones
door with anything from liquid-flled cups
to phone books. Third is the surprise wake-
up prank. Blumenfeld says he has seen this
prank range from waking someone with a
megaphone to flling an entire room with
loud disco music, strobe lights and erratic
dancers.
Prank etiquette dictates that nobody
sustains physical harm or injury,
Blumenfeld says. Markers are temporary,
and eyebrows have about a three-month
grow-back period, he says.
But how much compassion can
someone expect from jokesters? Not
much, Blumenfeld says.We used to think
there were boundaries and regional rules,
like you are safe if youre in your bed. But
there are no rules. Even in our own beds
nothing is sacred.
For Scott, the prank call recipient,
the only rules for pranking are that you
dont intend to hurt someone and that
if youre going to dish it out, you should
be prepared to get it back. Keying
someones car is just mean, he says. A
prank is something you can do to bust
your friends without being hateful.
The elements of a good prank, Scott says,
involve humor, creativity and surprise. The
more original, the better.
V. Vale, author of the book
Pranks, agrees to some
extent.
Vale takes a
philosophical approach
to pranks. For him, pranks
dont involve victimizing
other people. Instead, they
are harmless ways to point
out irony and problems in
society. They need to be
humorous, convey an anti-
authoritarian message and
involve a poetic image.
He says the best prank
he recently saw involved
a billboard mocking
Abercrombie and Fitch advertisements.
Were more in favor of pranks that
perpetuate some sort of surrealist image or
subvert authority,he says.
Vale traces the origin of pranks to the
legend of the trickster archetype that is
present in many early cultures. He says
the trickster functioned to give people
a wake-up call whenever they were just
foating through life. Today, modern
tricksters serve the same purpose. Its in
our nature, Vale says. Many pranks are
crimes of opportunity.
Indeed, sometimes there is a thin line
between a prank and a crime. There is no
legal defnition for pranks, but frecrackers
in a dorm could be construed as arson,
egging a house could be criminal damage
to property, and shaming (depending on
intent and how physical it is) could be
construed as battery, says Sally Kelsey,
a general practice attorney for the Law
Offces of Donald G. Strole, 16 E. 13
th
St.
But most pranks are intended to annoy
rather than infict harm, she says. Kelsey
says she has only seen a few cases tried
that involved pranks gone awry.
John Frydman, a Lawrence criminal
attorney, says police usually know when
something is intended to be a prank.This
is a college town. Theyll understand the
fne line, he says.
But remember,just because a line exists
doesnt mean your prankster friends
wont cross it. Pranks are funny until
somebody gets hurt, says Blumenfeld,
the College Humor writer. Then they get
really funny.
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 05
ouT
by Jason Shaad
The greaTesT college Prank of all TIme:
KIT LEFFLER
arTful shamIng
Here are some of the
most prevalent images
drawn on people during
a shaming:
A Charlie Chaplin
mustache
A penis on the cheek
An arrow on the
stomach pointed south
A Frankenstein scar
Although college students have
pulled innumerable pranks, general
consensus among prank Web
sites and books maintains that the
Rose Bowl hoax of 1961 is the best
college prank ever accomplished.
On January 2, 1961, NBC televised
the Rose Bowl football game
between the Minnesota Golden
Gophers and the Washington
Huskies. At halftime, Washingtons
cheerleaders prepared to lead
Washington fans through a
huge fip-card show that would
produce giant images. Each fan
had been given a large card and a
personalized instruction sheet.
When the cheerleaders gave
the signal, the fans were supposed
to fip their cards according to
the instruction sheets. As cameras
televised the halftime show across
the nation, the cheerleaders began
to signal the audience. The frst few
images went according to plan, but
then the word SEIKSUH appeared
HUSKIES spelled backwards.
Assuming this was just an incidental
faw, the cheerleaders gave the next
signal. But instead of a giant image
of Washingtons mascot the
husky a giant buck-toothed
animal appeared. The cheerleaders
quickly signaled for the next image.
As the crowd fipped the cards,
everyone grew silent. The cards
above Washingtons fans read:
CALTECH. Fourteen students from
the Pasadena technical college
had managed to infltrate the
Washington cheerleaders hotel
room and replace all the instruction
cards the night before the game.
Variants of this prank have been
accomplished since 1961, but it
was the Rose Bowl hoax that set
the stage for all elaborate college
pranks to come.
Source: www.museumofhoaxes.
com
the great roSe bowl hoax of 1961
Pranks gone wild
retty Girls Make Graves third
album, lan Vital, is one of their
most exciting to date. Bassist
Derek Fudesco talked with me
about the bands new album and
their upcoming tour. The band is bringing an
explosive live show to the Bottleneck May 1.
Q: How did you want lan Vital to sound
different from New Romance?
A: We didnt set out to make it different. We
lost a member. In the past, all fve of us would
write songs together. When we went in to
make this record, individual members brought
in songs or we paired up to write. Thats the
biggest reason it sounds different. There were
probably two or three collaborations on this
album.
Q: How did the addition of Leona Marrs on
keyboard and the loss of Nathan Thelen on
guitar affect the group?
A: It opened up a whole new world. Before, we
were very guitar-dominated. With Leona we
could open up a lot of new territory. Plus, she
also plays melodica and accordion. The more
we wrote, the more everyone began swapping
instruments.
Q: What infuences your music?
A: Everything. I get it from books, movies,
friends and friends bands. Its kind of a day-to-
day thing. We all have very different infuences
and styles.
Q: What are you hoping lan Vital will do for
you?
A: I hope it will fnally shake off the people
whove been expecting us to make the frst
record over again. With every release, there are
people hoping well make Good Health again.
Q: You sing a little during your show. Do you
consider yourself a good musician?
A: No, Im a funny singer. Im just funny enough
so that no one notices how bad I actually sing.
Q: How do you think the band has changed
since the self titled EP?
A: Were a lot more open to different things
than we used to be. In the past we were really
stubborn. Every person had to have their
stamp on every song. Now were open to
letting someone else take the reigns. Its more
about writing better songs, instead of ego.
Q: What bands would you like to tour with?
A: TV On The Radio. Theyre one of my favorite
bands right now. Flaming Lips would be cool,
too. Id love to tour with Fleetwood Mac. For
my 31
st
birthday this year, when we were in
Australia, Andrea [lead singer] took me to see
Stevie Nicks. It was great.
Q: What words would you use to describe
your live show?
A: Our live show can go two ways. When its on,
it can be pretty good. When its off, it can be
a total train wreck. Its like 70/30. Even when
its a train wreck, it can be pretty entertaining.
Lawrence is a cool town, though. We like
Lawrence.

Chris Brower

With
Derek Fudesco
of Pretty Girls
Make Graves
P
&
a
Q
JAYPLAY SAYS
WATCH
SUA comes to rescue your Tuesday night
with a $1 showing of the 1994 Tarantino
classic. The flm did no less than resurrect
the career of John Travolta, receive seven
Academy Award nominations (including Best
Picture) and spawn a poster that graced the
walls of countless dorm rooms. Lights dim at
7 p.m. in Woodruff Auditorium.

Natalie Johnson
Modest, sad and so good, Shopgirl
should be required viewing for guys who
cant see past appearances to the beauty
underneath. Claire Danes plays a lowly
glove saleswoman who is pursued by a
penniless goofball
(Jason Schwartzman)
and a suave, wealthy
older gentleman (Steve
Martin). Adapted from
Martins charming
novella, Shopgirl is
absolutely worth the
tears it causes.

Lindsey Ramsey
RENT
SHOPGIRL
Sunset is late,
weather is warm and
homework is lame.
Invite some friends
over and cook out. The
gods of springtime
see this gesture of
appreciation and will
surely award us with
more sunny days and
mild nights or a
tornado. Either way,
steak rules.

Natalie Johnson
EAT GRILLED FOOD
Support your local dancers and see this performance at the Lied Center for just $7.Youve
got three shots at it; performances are at 7:30 Thursday and 2:30 and 7:30 Saturday.

Natalie Johnson
GO UNIVERSITY DANCE COMPANY
WITH GUEST CHOREOGRAPHER WALLY CORDONA
UNITED 93
Is it too soon? Obviously Hollywood doesnt think
so, as the frst of several September-11-themed
flms makes its way to theaters. The trailer gives
chills with its black screen, airplane noises and
panicked voices of
passengers. Director
Paul Greengrass (The
Bourne Supremacy)
took special care to
get the passengers
families blessing
before dramatizing
the tale of the fight
that went down in
rural Pennsylvania.
Controversial, but
too potentially
riveting to miss.

Lindsey Ramsey
SEE
PULP FICTION
06

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
PGMG is, from left: Nick DeWitt,
Andrea Zollo, Jason Clark,
Leonna Mars, Derer Fudesco

|f the wang 8urger ls
(00%&/06()'03&41/
ls lt good enough for you!
7he 7radition of the WheeI
has been roIIing for over 50 years
(All of Peb., Mon.-Thurs.
ll a.m. - 2 p.m. wlth KU|D)
Upgrade to a
WANG for $1

Cheeseburger,
Iries and a Pop
Arnold Schwarzenegger
has played many roles, star-
ring in more than 35 films
and snagging the title of
Californias 38th governor in
2003. Hes come a long way
from his Mr. Universe title,
but even his transformation
fromTerminator toGovena-
tor couldnt end his endur-
ing role as the butt of body-
buildingjokes.
Media and the general
public have treated fans of
bodybuilding the process
of building muscle through
lifting weights, increasing
caloric intake and rest as
punchlines. Weightlifters
have been associated with
steroid use, sub-par intel-
ligence and obsessive exer-
cising. But dedication can
be misread as obsession.
Withstanding jests and que-
ries about their time logged
atthegym,weightliftersrise
above to show the benefits
ofpumpingirondaily.
Everymorningat6,Johna-
thanMiller,LeesSummit,Mo.,
sophomore,isattheStudent
Recreation and Fitness Cen-
ter. Besides regularly play-
ingracquetballandclimbing
the rock wall, Miller lifts five
times a week. Changing his
lifting routine weekly, Miller
puts in between an hour to
twohoursadayatthegym.
His roommates joke that
hes an exercise addict, but
Miller says he maintains a
healthy balance between
the gym and the rest of his
life. Hes not a freak about
working out, Miller says, even
though he does take supple-
ments.
Hetakesacreotineanden-
ergy supplement to enhance
his training, he says. Its com-
mon for people to associate
steroids with weight lifting,
though most lifters arent
even on a supplement, Miller
says.
Its just years and years of
lifting, Millersays.
Another misconception
surrounding weightlifters is
the idea that their lives re-
volve around the gym. But
Millers workouts motivate
himevenoutsidethegym, he
says. Duringhisfreshmanyear
he didnt go to the gym or to
mostofhisclasses, Millersays.
But when he started lifting
weights regularly, he says, his
attendance and performance
inclassimproved.
Asforbeingobsessedwith
exercise, actual exercise ad-
diction or abuse is uncom-
mon, saysLynnMillar, physical
therapy professor at Andrews
University in Michigan. The
American College of Sports
Medicine actually recom-
mends daily moderate-to-
vigorous workout between
20 and 60 minutes for ftness,
Millar says. Exercise only be-
comes harmful when a per-
sonover-trains, orover-usesa
muscle.
Over-trainingoccurswhen
a person damages a muscle
by not allowing sufficient
time to heal, says Robert
Gregory, a KU biomechanics
professor.
Over-exercising certain
muscles can even lead to a
decrease in strength. Lifting
places a lot of stress on the
lumbarvertebrae,andexces-
sive pressure can actually
weaken the spinal column,
Gregory says, as well as in-
crease the possibility for in-
juries.
Brent Pitts, Olathe fresh-
man, realizes the potential
danger of overworking mus-
cles and therefore developed
a routine to ensure healthy
training. Alternating days,
Pitts trains arms and shoul-
ders twice a week and chest
andbackthreetimes.
Usually, Pitts spends no
more than two hours at the
gym,butlastyearwhileplay-
ing for the Minnesota Junior
Hockey League in St. Louis,
heputinfourhoursadayon
average.
Pitts, now a member of
the KU club hockey team,
says teammates give him
flak about his gym sessions,
asking why he works out so
much. Its just a habit and a
hobby, he says, something
that makes him feel good
about himself and brings
himenjoyment.
When looking at the ben-
efits these lifters receive, its
difficult to see how body-
builders got a bad rap. But
its clear to see that weight-
liftingisnothingtoscoffat.
NOTICE
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 07
Pump up your health by pumping iron.
GREGGRIESENAUER
by Liz Nartowicz
Lifting misconceptions
9
6
5
8
4
chinese president hu jintao visits the u.s., meeting with president
bush and computer impresario bill gates.
Adding to his growing list of forehead-smacking social blunders, Bush offended the Chinese
leader at a joint press conference when he said most terrorists were yella.
HAWK TOPICS
RAINE AND RUIGH REVIEW
NEWS YOU CAN USE
1
miss kentucky wins
the miss usa pageant.
3
THe lAWrenCe CITy COmmISSIOn
CAveS, AllOWS WAl-mArT TO buIld
neAr SIxTH And WAKAruSA.
2
Her older brothers
congratulated her soon after the
victory by dousing her face and
breasts with a pint of Kentucky
Gentleman.
track stars and
sadomasochists
descend on
campus for the
kansas relays.
Rumors swirled that Sheen
had threatened to kill
Richards, but all he actually
did was invite her to the
premiere of his latest
project, Scary Movie 4.
hippies in lawrence
celebrate earth
day.
The Earth responded, saying,If you
guys really want to help me out, start
wearing deodorant seriously.
7
embattled former ku running back john rundle
lands in jail for the sixth time in three years.
We would write a joke here, but were afraid Randle would beat us up.
Oh, God, there he is! Run!
brawl erupts
at abe & jakes
saturday night.
Apparently, a group of Stephenson
schol-hall kids instigated the melee
after they mistook Abe & Jakes for The
Hawk and realized they (probably)
wouldnt get in.
GAS pRICES
ON tHE RISE...
AGAIN.
To that a-hole at Phi Psi:
How do you like your
Hummer now?
denise
richards
receives
restraining
order
against ex-
husband
charlie sheen.
If we wanted to see people
run really fast, wed hang out
at The Hawk until the ABCs
showed up.
the lawrence journal-
world wins top award
for newspapers in
kansas.
The judges reportedly made the decision after a double-
blind test in which the LJ-World soaked up 50 percent
more cat urine than its leading competitor.
In truth, the principal of Free State High School
spearheaded the campaign for approval, saying
I want my students to know where theyll be
working in a few years, if they dont stop going to
the parking lot every lunch period to smoke the
marijuana cigarettes.
7
10
Chris Raine and Dave Ruigh
WESCOE WIT
Add dimension while drawing attention by
draping an extra long necklace around your
collar. The length not only catches the eye,
but also guides the eye from top to bottom,
creating coordination.It really pulls an
outft together by adding layers, says Jessie
Earleywine, Lawrence junior, who likes to pair
her long neckwear with plain t-shirts.
The best way to get the layered effect is to
double loop the necklace, having one loop
end mid chest and the other slightly above the
navel. Thin chains sprinkled with bright crystals
or funky charms are best used for the double
drape. For the classic one-wrap, chunkier or
multiple chains look best.

Liz Nartowicz
FASHION TREND
W
Guy 1: Dude, I saw a picture
of your burn yesterday.
Guy 2: Yeah, it was pretty
bad, dont you think?
Guy 1: Eh, its nothing I
couldnt do sticking my arm
in a microwave.
Guy 1: So my bicep measures
14.5 inches.
Guy 2: Well, you know thats
nothing compared to that
womans 21 inches.
Guy 1: What?
Guy 2: You know, that
transvestite woman.
Guy 1: Oh yeah. Wasnt she a
competitive wrestler?
Guy 1: Dude, look at how
much weed I just got.
Guy 2: Whered you get that?
Guy 1: This place. They have
even more weed than we do!

Malinda Osborne
08

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
nOTICe
ExtRA LONG NECkLACES
One addicts stOry
Wide aWake
a new surge of energy drinks allows you to stretch those 24 hours a little longer.
by Marion Hixon
On top of an unfnished 10-page
paper, a group project and three
upcoming fnals, you probably still
need time for working out, going
out, staying up and sleeping in.
And even though youre ashamed
of your American Idol addiction, it
demands at least two hours of your
attention each week.
Its no surprise that caffeine will
put a perk in your step, but as our
dependence on it builds, energy
drinks that speed up the energizing
process are growing in popularity.
Heres a breakdown of whats out
there to tempt your taste buds and
test your longevity.
Ingredients
Many energy drinks, like Red
Bull, include taurine or other
amino acids, which build protein
and protect the body. Some
other drinks contain herbal
supplements, such as ginseng, a
classic Chinese root, says Bianca
Storlazzi, a wellness assistant at
The Merc, 901 Iowa St. Storlazzi,
who is the stores herb and tea
buyer, recommends another
root called hoodia, used by tribal
bushmen for multiple-day hunts.
It suppresses your appetite but
also gives you energy, she says.
And how much caffeine is
in these cans of energy? Most
energy drinks claim to hold
approximately the same amount
of caffeine or guarana, a herb
containing caffeine as a cup of
coffee, or roughly 75 milligrams.
B-group vitamins can be
found in most energy drinks.
They affect your mental well-
being and work indirectly with
your immune system. B-group
vitamins, such as B-6, B-12 and
folate, help improve the speed
of information processing and
memory, says a 2000 study by
CSIRO, an Australian scientific
research agency. Storlazzi
recommends B-group vitamins
as a strong first choice when
youre dragging. Your body
doesnt produce these vitamins
and minerals naturally, she
says. They come from our food,
thats why youre supposed to
eat well.
Risks
The Mayo Clinic reports that
caffeine increases blood pressure,
insomnia and irritability. Dont
use these energy drinks before
an activity that will naturally
raise your blood pressure, such as
strenuous exercise.
The natural alternative to
relying on energy drinks is to
get regular exercise and sleep,
while maintaining a healthy
diet. However, if youre reaching
for an energy booster at 2 a.m.
on Sunday night, it may be too
late to consider sleep an option.
Heres a guide to the tastes of
some energy drinks. All are
available at most grocery stores
and gas stations.
starbucks dOuble
shOt espressO
Caffeine: 121 milligrams
Calories: 140
Tastes Like: Cold coffee in a
can. I guess I could stand it if I
really needed to stay up, Jenny
Wilson, Topeka sophomore, says.
Price: $1.99
I was probably the only middle school kid
who had coffee with her frosted fakes in the
morning, says Melissa Baranek, Overland Park
sophomore, who got hooked on her moms
black coffee when she was 11. Since then shes
become a bona fde caffeine addict, a Dr. Pepper
lover and drinker of double espresso shots. And
while her friends think shes crazy, Baranek cant
get through the morning without her drug of
choice. After one attempt at quitting, she found
that caffeine withdrawal gave her migraines
and achy muscles.I tried to give up caffeine as a
senior in high school for Lent, she says.I didnt
last. I started on Ash Wednesday, and by that
Friday I was getting a Dr. Pepper out of a vending
machine.
Are you bored with a classic cup of joe and
turned off by energy drinks? Fret not, because
the caffeine market is expanding daily. Most
students know they can grab NoDoz or other
energy aids at most drugstores to help them
fnish a late-night paper. But have you tried
energy powders? The energy boosters can be
dissolved to digest in a variety of ways.You can
put them in tea, sprinkle them on food, any way
you want to take it, says Vanessa Royer, a grocery
buyer for The Merc. On a sweeter note, there
are now candies, mints and gum infused with
caffeine. Check out ThinkGeek.com for special
caffeine products like Jolt Gum, Buzz Bites
Chocolate Chews or Foosh Energy Mints. Or to
rouse your bed-headed roommate, switch his or
her normal soap with Shower Shock Caffeinated
Soap.
aMp energy drink
frOM MOuntain deW
Caffeine: 75 milligrams
Calories: 120
Tastes Like:An overly
carbonated Mountain Dew. Kind
of rough to handle, says Laura
Frizell, Lawrence freshman. Jay
Benedict, Roseland freshman,
rates it higher than Red Bull and
Rock Star.
Price: $1.99
rOck star energy
drink Juiced
passiOn fruit
Caffeine: 75 milligrams
Calories: 105
Tastes Like:This tropical favor
is much more manageable than
regular Rock Star, Benedict says.
Natasha Harper, Kansas City,
Kan., junior, says she never uses
energy drinks but the mango
favor won her over.
Price: $2.09
red bull
Caffeine: 80 milligrams;
Calories: 110
Tastes Like:Fruit punch and
orange soda mixed together,
Monique Waters, Kansas City,
Mo., junior, says. She partakes
in the drink about three times
a week, but only uses Red Bull
to mix with vodka, never just to
stay awake.
Price: $1.99
sObe adrenaline rush
Caffeine: 50 milligrams
Calories: 140 (SoBe Adrenaline
Rush Sugar Free has 0 calories)
Tastes Like:Orange Fanta.
Its tangy and has a little bit of
a kick to it, says Laura Frizell,
Lawrence freshman.
Price: $1.99
cOke blak
Caffeine: 46 milligrams
Calories: 45
Tastes Like: First you taste
the Coke, and then comes the
coffee. I dont know if Id drink
it again, Steven King, Lawrence
freshman, says. John Macias,
Wichita freshman, swears it
tastes like fat root beer. Hes
not imbibing again anytime
soon. Still more debate: Wilson
compares the drink to a
liquefed, toffee-scented Yankee
Candle.
Price: $1.49
alternatiVes
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 09
health
KIT LEFFLER

10 JAYPLAY 04.27.2006 04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 11

Dave Damm doesnt look like Neil Diamond.
His chin-length black hair and lineman build
hardly suggest he could impersonate the
singer of a romantic melody likeHello Again,
but thats just what he does.
But of all the performers and bands out
there, why Neil? The answer is simple: the
Wichita senior loves Neil Diamond. And it
shows in an interview as
much as in performance.
Upon calling Damm for an
interview, I got his voice mail.
Ten seconds later he called
back.
Sorry, Kristen, he says,
sounding out of breath.
I had Neil cranked up on
my headphones and was
practicing some moves in the
mirror.
Damm remembers seventh
grade, when his mom came
home with a Neil Diamond
cassette. He couldnt stop
listening to it. That year he
also saw the marvel in concert
for the frst time. Ten years
later, Damm celebrates his
love and admiration for the performer and his
music with his very own Neil Diamond tribute
band, Dave Diamond.
Kevin Brown loves and admires another
successful band: Boston. The Kansas City,
Mo., junior is a typical college student. Hes a
business major, member of Sigma Chi fraternity
and he plays the guitar. Brown has been a part
of many original bands, but says nothing is like
his tribute, More Than a Feeling, named after
one of Bostons greatest hits.
He got involved in the band six months ago
when his friend and bandmate, Matt Vianello,
came to him with the idea.
After laughing at him for a few minutes, I
started really thinking about it, Brown says. I
thought, This is actually kind of brilliant. The
two recruited four other guys and the band
was formed. They are now represented by two
entertainment agencies, AME Entertainment
and Omni Entertainment.
Its fun because its not very stressful. Its
like a novelty, Brown says.
A bit of history
Although music critics
claim that tribute bands
are a new American
phenomenon, tribute bands
have been showing up
around the globe, especially
in the United Kingdom, ever
since the time of Elvis and
The Beatles.
They (tribute bands)
may be more popular or
well-known now in the
Midwest, but theyve been
around for years,says Frank
J. Moyer, president of AME
Entertainment.
Moyer signed his frst
tribute band 15 years ago
when Jimmie Van Zant, frst cousin of Lynyrd
Skynyrd lead singer Ronnie Van Zant, was
bringinga tributededicated to his cousins band
to Lawrence. Moyer says he recalls watching
them and thinking this was a name he could
sell, market and do well with. He quickly began
representing the band. To date, Moyer and the
band have put out tribute albums as well as
three albums of original work.
Brown says he wouldnt be surprised if the
popularity of tribute bands has increased in
recent years.
The quality of popular music has been
goingdownhill in recent years. Someoneneeds
to bring back the good bands, he says.
A look into the world of tribute bands
by Kristen Maxwell
The sinceresT
form of
flaTTery
Ten seconds later he
called back. Sorry,
Kristen, he says. I
had Neil cranked up
on my headphones
and was practicing
some moves in the
mirror.
Dave Damm, aka
Neil Diamond
DreAms Do come true
Most groups initial draw to
impersonating a band is a love for the
original. For some, just singing the
songs is enough. For others, every note
has to be perfect. Tim Owens, 29, is one
of the perfectionists. An offce supply
traveling salesmen by day and Rob
Halford impersonator in a Judas Priest
tribute band by night, Owens is proof
that the ultimate dream of a tribute
band member can come true.
In 1993, the real Judas Priest
decided to re-form and record
another album, but their lead singer
the real Rob Halford had left the
band. This left them needing a new
lead singer. A tape of one of Owens
performances was sent to the band by
two Judas Priest fans and after a live
audition, in which Owens sang only
nine words of Victim of Changes,
he was offered the job. Before joining
the band in London, Owens returned
to his hometown of Akron, Ohio,
where he signed his first autograph.
The lucky recipients were his parents.
It was a picture of him and the band
and it read,Mom and Dad, dreams do
come true. I love you.
Owens, now known as Ripper
Owens, recorded Jugulator, the bands
first album of new material in seven
years in 1997. He recorded one more
studio album, two live albums and a
DVD in 2002, before leaving the band
to make way for their reunion with
Halford. Owens soon became lead
singer for another band, Iced Earth,
and released an album with them in
early 2004.
the quality of populAr Music has been going Downhill in
recent years. someone needs to bring bacK the gooD bands.
Kevin brown, MeMber of More than a feeling,
a boston tribute band
Matt Vianello thought of the idea
to create a Boston tribute.
Dave Dammstars in a Neil Diamond tribute band. He says he
makes the crowd go wildwith cheesy remarks and poses.
Jeremy Kiddle plays guitar for Bos-
ton tribute More Than a Feeling.
Former Dave Diamond guitarist TimUtter plays with key-
board player Bill Suchan and Neil Diamond impersonator
Dave Diamond at a showat Wichitas Cotillion in February.
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11
Whether theyve been popular
for decades or a few years, these
imitations have grown so much in
popularity that some tribute bands
have established their own fan base,
adding to the pre-existing fans from
the original band.
Sometimes tributes can be seen
as a cop-out, Damm says, because
they capitalize on someone elses
work. But he and Brown agree that
its easier to establish
a tribute band than
an original one.
Lets face it,
Damm says, as if
shrugging off the
critics. People like to
sing along and know
the music of the
performer.
Not all tribute acts
are as dedicated as
Damm and Brown, yet
some are even more
so. They vary from
act to act. Some are
small and informal
while others have the songs, notes,
costumes, instruments, equipment,
staging and quirky habits down
perfectly. Regardless, a tribute band
requires dedication.
As tributes become more popular,
newer singers are starting to inspire
some acts. According to a tribute band
catalog Web site, tributecity.com,
singers such as Beyonce Knowles,
Creed and Britney Spears are starting
to have tributes established after their
original work. Still, older bands that
dont perform or tour anymore seem
to be the most popular for replication,
says Jeff Economy, director of . . . An
Incredible Simulation, a documentary
about tribute bands.
People want to relive concerts
and the time of their life when they
saw these bands, Economy says. And
that seems to be just what they are
doing.

Why bother?
. . . An Incredible
Simulation follows
and explains the
world of tribute
bands and takes
a look into the
mystery of these
music enthusiasts,
Economy says.
We wanted to
answer, Why do they
bother? Economy
says.
Because its fun,
Damm says, as if it
should be obvious.
But Moyer says tribute bands can
make a decent amount of money, too.
Putting it in perspective, Moyer says
original bands make about $50 a gig,
while cover bands make between
$300 and $400 a performance.
Tributes are even more successful,
bringing in as much as $1,500 or
more per show.
Whatever we make, it ends up
being about $50 to $100 per person,
Brown says.
This is a typical payment for a
start-up tribute, Moyer says, but he
insists band members can make a
living doing a tribute. He has a few
that actually do.
Were booking them all the time and
they are going places like Trinidad to
perform, Moyer says.
So, besides the fun and the money,
Moyer says, people get into and stay
with tribute acts because of the
recognition.
Theres no fame or glory in cover
bands, says Moyer.But in tributes, they
treat you like the real deal.
A successful tribute
To be treated like the real deal,
you have to embody the real deal.
Throughout Economys research for
An Incredible Simulation, he says,
he found that the higher the level
of devotion, the more successful the
band.
The more you can be a carbon
copy, the happier the audience is
going to be, he says.
Damm, although not a physical
look-alike of Neil Diamond, does
a fair amount of preparation for
his role. Donning a sequined shirt,
either silver or gold, and Neils
signature white scarf, Damm looks
as though he stepped out of a Neil
Diamond concert or
the movie Saving
Silverman. Besides
the costumes and
the songs, Damm
says, its the little
poses and cheesy
remarks he does
before songs that
make the crowd go
crazy. He does one of
his favorites before
the song Cherry,
Cherry.
This is my acoustic
guitar, Damm says,
doing an impromptu
imitation of Neil. But
the only problem
with my acoustic
guitar is that it only
plays oldies. And
then the crowd goes
wild, Damm says,
smiling.
More Than a
Feeling, Browns
Boston tribute band,
also goes to extremes
to make themselves as believable
as possible. Mustaches glued on
every performers upper lip and loud
printed button-ups
or cut-off t-shirts
paired with jeans, the
six typical college
students transform
themselves into
the band, with two
guys playing Tom
Scholzs multiple
guitar parts and no
Kimberley Dahme
representative.
Economy says its
these costumes and
other personalized
tidbits that make the
band believable.
Its not just about
the songs, he says.
Its about the bands
whole personality.
And tributes will
continue to capture
these personalities.
Whether its for the
money, the fun or
the fans, tributes
will continue to
recreate the bands
they and we love.
Dave Diamond
What: Solo performance
at Cinco de Mayo party.
When: May 5 at 7:00 p.m.
Where: On the Border,
3080 Iowa St.
What: Full-band
performance
When: May 13 at 7:00 p.m.
Where: Jazzhaus
What: Charity event
When: June 24 at 8:00 pm
Where: Wichita
www.davediamondlive.com
More Than a Feeling
What: Group performance
When: May 13
Where: Alley Cats, Lees
Summit, Mo.
What: Group Performance
When: April 29
Where: Beaumont Club,
Kansas City, Mo.
CHECK EM OUT
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 12
The names of tribute bands are usually a pun of the
original band. Here are some of the names found on
tributecity.com.
Fully Clothed Gents: a Barenaked Ladies tribute
Hotplay: a Coldplay tribute
Bootylicious: a Destinys Child tribute
Dookie: a Green Day tribute
Stone Free: a Jimmy Hendrix tribute
Departure: a Journey tribute
Ricky La Vida Loca: a Ricky Martin tribute
Proud Mary: a Tina Turner tribute
Lets face it,
Damm says.
People like to
sing along
and know the
music of the
performer.
theres no faME or glory in cover
bands. but in tributes, they treat you like
the rEal deal.
Frank J. Moyer, President oF
aMe entertainMent
From left, Jeremy Watson, Matt Vianello,
Kevin Brown, James Perryman and Kevin
Cerovich make up More Than a Feeling, a
Boston tribute band.
WHaTS IN a NaME
Kevin Brown
12

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
ALL PHOTOS COuRTESy OF DAVE DAMM AND KEVIN BROWN
When Ryan Pierce went on
a juice fast, he was looking for
a quick remedy. The former KU
student says hed spent too
long destroying his body and
needed a way to rebuild it.
He smoked cigarettes, drank
several times a week and never
paid much attention to his
diet. He wanted to detoxify
his system and, as a full-time
student with a part-time job, he
needed a method that didnt
require a lot of time.
Nine days on nothing but
water and all-natural juice did
the job. Pierce had to remain as
inactive as possible to conserve
energy, he says, but during the
fast he began to feel better. He
could breathe more easily and,
in general, he just felt healthier
cleaner.
Although weight loss wasnt
Pierces purpose for fasting, he
did lose 10 pounds in the nine
days he didnt eat. The weight
loss didnt stick he gained
back the pounds soon after
returning to solid food. What
did stay with Pierce after his
fast, though, was a sense of how
to better care for himself. Now,
almost two years after his nine-
day detox, he has quit smoking
and eats healthier than he did
before.
Both the physical and
spiritual benefts of fasting
have long been recognized.
Despite these advantages,
fasting requires caution and
isnt for everyone.
Fasting cleanses the body by
increasing the processes that
release toxins from the colon,
kidneys, bladder, lungs, sinuses
and skin, says Elson Haas,
author of Staying Healthy with
Nutrition: The Complete Guide
to Diet and Nutritional Medicine.
Fasting also allows many of
the bodys systems a chance to
rest. Haas believes that much
disease is due to biochemical
suffocation, which occurs
when cells dont adequately
eliminate their wastes. Fasting,
he says, allows each cell the
opportunity to catch up on
its work of eliminating these
toxins.
Fasting is like turning off
and cleaning a complex and
valuable machine so that it will
function better and longer, he
says.
True fasting is the avoidance
of all food and drink, and the
next-strictest form allows only
water. The most common fast,
however, allows both water and
juice. Haas usually recommends
this juice fast rather than other
kinds, he says, because its
safer and easier to maintain.
Juice provides calories and
nutrients, which support the
body nutritionally and enable
it to recover more quickly after
the fast.
A person should work up
to longer fasts by frst going
on ones that last only one or
two days, Haas says. It is also
important, he says, to come
off of solid foods gradually in
the days before the fast and to
reintroduce them into the diet
equally slowly in the days that
follow it. In order for the fast to
cleanse the body as much as
possible, its vital that the juices
be free of preservatives.
Preservatives may not be
as much of an issue, though,
if a person is fasting for
spiritual purposes. Elmer
Towns, author of Fasting for
Spiritual Breakthrough, doesnt
mind drinking juice with
preservatives when he fasts.
I dont get upset about
additives because I believe God
looks at the heart, he says. He
doesnt look at what goes into
the mouth.
Spiritual fasts should always
be accompanied by prayer,
Towns says. The purpose of
going without food is not to
impress God, he says, but rather
to take prayer to a higher level
and to demonstrate sincerity.
Spiritual fasts can have
physical benefts, as well, even
if those benefts are not their
main purpose. Towns says that
when he had a check-up during
a 40-day fast, the doctor told
him he was in better health
than anyone hed ever seen.
Fasting for such a long time
made him weak, Towns says,
but also healthier.
Like Towns, Chris Carter fasts
for spiritual reasons. The Kansas
City, Kan., junior says he has
fasted during diffcult times
as a way of calling on God for
help. At other times, hes done
it as a reminder to himself of
the people in the world who
experience hunger on a regular
basis.
Most of his fasts are only a
day long, Carter says, and he
usually drinks only water during
them. He says these one-day
fasts arent too diffcult, and
that most of the time they leave
him feeling cleaner inside. The
four-to-six-day fasts hes done
made him feel weak and sleepy,
but not necessarily hungry.
Carter says during some of his
longer fasts especially those
in which hes gone without
both food and water one of
the most distinctive things hes
felt has been the sensation of
his blood thinning.
It feels kind of like your foot
falling asleep, he says.
Haas warns that not everyone
is a good candidate for long
fasts. If fasting is overused, it can
lead to nutritional defcits and
lowered immunity rather than
having a positive, cleansing
effect. He adds that some
people, including those who are
underweight, pregnant or who
have serious health problems,
should not fast at all.
Haas emphasizes, however,
that if a person meets the
physical requirements and
takes the proper precautions,
abstaining from food can be
incredibly healthy.
From a medical point of
view, I believe that fasting is
not utilized often enough, he
says. We go on vacations from
work to relax, recharge and to
gain new perspectives on our
life why not take occasional
breaks from food?
A FAst Fix
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 13
BitE
KIT LEFFLER
When it comes to food, sometimes less really is more
where to find
fAsting- friendLY
fAre
The Community
Mercantile
901 Iowa St.
The Merc carries organic
juices.
The Underground
Sells Odwalla juices.
Juice Stop
812 Massachusetts St.
4821 W. Sixth St.
3514 Clinton Pkwy.
Juice Stop makes drinks with
all-natural juices, and offers a
protein booster option.
Freshens Smoothie
Company at the
Kansas Union
Sells blended smoothies.
by Erin Wisdom
14

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
KISS THE COOK
BITE
Ingredients:
8 squares (1 ounce each) semisweet
chocolate
3 tablespoons confectioners sugar
3 tablespoons hot strong coffee
3 egg yolks
1 carton (8 ounces) frozen whipped
topping, thawed
In a double boiler over simmering water,
melt chocolate. Remove top pan from
heat; stir in sugar and coffee. Add one yolk
at a time, stirring until smooth. Place top
pan over boiling water; cook and stir for
3-4 minutes or until thick. Pour into bowl;
chill 6-8 minutes. Fold in 3 cups whipped
topping. Spoon into dishes. Top with
whipped topping. Makes four servings.

Source: www.tasteofhome.com
Melissa Byrd
rich chocolate
mousse
Lets face it: drunk food is the best food, and a burrito always hits the spot after a night of drinking. If
you have tortillas, cheese and whatever vegetables and meat you like at home, burrito satisfaction is only
45 microwaved seconds and a tortilla-rolling away. If you prefer to pay someone to make your burrito,
hit up any of these:
Chipotle, open til 10 p.m. Taco Bell, open til 3 a.m. Taco Johns, open til 12 a.m. Qdoba, open til 10 p.m.
911 Massachusetts St. 1220 W. Sixth St. 23rd and Haskell Streets 945 Massachusetts St.
4000 W. Sixth St. 1408 W. 23rd St. 1101 W. Sixth St.
23rd and Ousdahl Streets
POST-DRINKS EATS Carrie Hillard
928 Massachusetts
Downtown Lawrence
843-0611 www.theetcshop.com
Sophisticated
Professional Style
Tickets: 785.864.2787 TDD: 785.864.2777
Paid for by KU
Lied Center of Kansas
www. l i ed. ku. edu 785. 864. 2787
Thursday, May 4 7:30 p.m.
Featuring lavish costumes
and settings from the
Academy Award-winning
lm Topsy-Turvy.
The Royal Carl Rosa Operas award-winning production of Gilbert & Sullivans classic
This re-creation of
W.S. Gilberts 1885 opera
is a hilarious tale of love,
marriage, trials,
tribulations and heroics.
T
H
E
Half-Price Tickets for KU Students!
Available at Lied Center, University Theatre, and SUA Ticket Off ices.
REVIEWS
The perceptive and funny Friends
With Money thoughtfully examines the
relationships and friendships of four
thirty-something friends in Los Angeles.
The flm depicts three wealthy women,
played by Catherine Keener, Joan Cusack
and Francis McDormand, all of whom are
married, and their single, blue-collar friend,
Jennifer Aniston.The fnancial divide is
apparent in the opening scenes of the flm,
which shows Anistons character cleaning a
house for her job as a maid, while the other
three women are remodeling houses and
chatting about fundraisers. Because there
is no plot to this flm, one would think it is
not engaging enough to sustain anyones
attention.
Surprisingly, though, the flm is
interesting, as it drifts through marriage
troubles, aging and fnancial woes with a
fresh wit and believable characters.
The flms version of a plot consists
of all the characters gossiping about
each other. Aniston, who is the most
recognizable, is mediocre in a role that
any thirty-something actress could
handle.
The best aspects of the movie belong
to her three friends, who give it a realistic
poignancy with their revelations and
disappointments. Catherine Keener
shines as the wife of an insensitive man,
and Joan Cusack provides the comedy
effortlessly. In a challenging and often
changing character, Francis McDormand
has the most material to work with, which
she realistically and capably handles.
One of the main problems with the
flm is that the friendship between
Anistons character and her diverse
friends is very hard to buy. The three
wealthy women gossip and say they are
concerned about Anistons character and
arent overly friendly to her when they are
around one another.
In the end, Friends With Money quietly
impresses with its bold and truthful
script and layered performances. This flm
proves, through the tumultuous lives of
these women, that money doesnt solve
everything.
South Wind 12
Rated: R, 88 minutes

Sarah Tucker
MUSIC
Elan Vital
by Pretty Girls Make Graves
lan Vital is one of Seattle-based Pretty
Girls Make Graves most exciting albums
to date. PGMG dabbles in a variety of
styles and continues to evolve their huge
sound. While bands, like Nickelback, are
content with releasing the same album
over and over again, the members of
PGMG dont repeat themselves.
A lot of this is thanks to the addition of
keyboardist Leona Marrs, who also plays
melodica and accordion. Take Pyrite
Pedestal, one of the most upbeat tracks
on the album or the insanely catchy
The Number both feature great
memorable keyboard leads. Pearls On A
Plate features heavy strings and a dreamy
feel, a total surprise to any PGMG fan.
Vocalist Andrea Zollo says it best on
Pyrite Pedestal: The real tragedy is that
your act is just boring and old, further
showing PGMGs desire to never repeat
themselves. And thats one of the things
that make lan Vital a very exciting album.

Chris Brower
FRIENDS WITH MONEY
MOVIE
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 15
Youll wish you were dead You'll want to leave the theater earlyYou'll say "eh"You'll rave to everyone who asksYoull have a religious experience
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kansan.com
Now.
24: THE GAME
American Dreamz
I hope that a person like
Jack Bauer exists in the
world, because I feel a lot
safer knowing that he is out
there fghting terrorism.
If you watch 24, then
you already know the main
premise of the game. Its
up to you, as Jack Bauer
and Co., to stop a terrorist
plot in 24 hours. The game
stresses this the same way
the show does, by making
every mission a race against
the clock. This gives a sense
of urgency to the player,
saying: you must do this or
the terrorists will win.
This game isnt about
going into the feld and
shooting everything that
walks. It incorporates many
aspects of the TV show.
The player has to defuse
bombs, break into secure
places, sneak around and,
yes . . . shoot people. The
game uses other aspects
of Counter Terrorism Unit
practices in the form of
mini-games. This is another
innovation to encompass
all the aspects of the series.
The mini-games are mostly
of the press-the-correct-
button-at-the-right-time
variety.
A downside of the game
is its use of split screens.
Sure, its a neat part of the
show, but its not necessary,
especially during the
middle of gameplay. The
quick switch of camera
angels and new shots of
the area are annoying.
Also, the driving aspect
of the game is terrible.
Most of the driving has to
do with getting away from
enemies. However, the
big problem is an inability
to successfully get away.
Youre better off just trying
to kill them and get to your
destination in time.
The voice acting is a
defnite plus for the game.
The actors from the series
lend their voices for their
digital selves. I dont think
I could fully respect a Jack
Bauer character if I didnt
hear Kiefer Sutherland say:
Damn it! a few times.
24: The Game makes
it possible for players to
experience Jack Bauers job.
The game doesnt leave out
any aspect of the show.
System: PlayStation 2

Chris Moore
MOVIE
GAME
REVIEWS
Satire, when done well,
can inspire. And satire of a
political nature can instigate
change. But political satire
with no cleverness or hint
of originality can cause a
desire to bang ones head
against a hard surface, and
that is what it feels like to
watch American Dreamz.
A self-confessed and
unashamed Mandy Moore
fan, I am concerned if this
is the type of flm she will
be gravitating toward in
the future. But Moore, as a
wannabe star participating
on an American Idol-like
show, is only part of the
problem. She is aided by
Hugh Grant, who usually has
enough charm to make even
flms like Two Weeks Notice
watch-able, but, in American
Dreamz, tries to emulate
Simon Cowell, a daunting
task in itself. Mostly, Grant
just annoys everyone, which
Simon does, but with a little
more poise. I just wanted
him off the screen as soon
as possible and I normally
would never wish that of
Grant. Then theres Dennis
Quaid, doing his best George
Bush impression, which is
possibly the worst George
Bush impression ever caught
on flm/video, complete with
southern drawl and idiotic
meanderings.
The plot, as contrived as
this may seem, is concerned
with the President who,
in order to win popular
appeal, appears as a guest
judge on the uber-popular
show, American Dreamz,
hosted by Grant. Moore is a
Southern belle willing to do
anything to win. Meanwhile
Omar (Sam Golzari), has
been chosen as a token Arab
contestant but he is secretly
plotting to smuggle a bomb
into the fnal show to kill the
president.
The sheer amount of
stupidity astounds. I was
hoping that they were
making the characters
deliberately ridiculous in
order to make a point but
no point ever came. If this
is a correct refection of
the American people, a
collective shudder should
resound from coast to coast.
South Wind 12
Rated: PG-13, 115 minutes

Lindsey Ramsey
16

JAYPLAY 04.27.2006
Eight months into her relationship
withanex-boyfriend,Stacey,Memphis
senior, told him that she thought it
was time to take a break. Soon after,
he attempted suicide by overdosing
onpills.Thatswhensheknewhehad
aproblem.
Each year, depression affects an
estimated 19 million Americans (not
to mention their partners), according
to the National Mental Health
Association.Maintainingarelationship
with a depressed individual can be
frustrating and draining. The good
news is, depression is treatable,
and by taking the right steps, your
relationshipcansurvive.
Educating yourself about
depression is the first step in a
relationship with someone whos
depressed, says Debbie Goldberg,
a Lawrence licensed psychologist.
Clinical depression isnt just when
you get the blues and the next day
you feel better, she says. I ts a
mental illness that debilitates some
people, so its important to know
whatdepressionactuallyis.
Stacey says that once her ex
admittedtoherthathewasdepressed,
sherantheoccasionalGooglesearch,
but she learned most from what her
boyfriendtaughtherfirsthand.Talking
about it and knowing more about
what he was going through helped
tremendously, she
says.
Addressing the
problem with your
loved one can be
hard, but once its
out in the open,
seeking treatment
is the next step to
recovery, Goldberg
says. If theres an
extreme chemical
imbalance, the
best combination
is therapy and
m e d i c a t i o n ,
because it can
help someone get
better,shesays.
Even though it
may be difficult,
support is the
best way to help
a depressed
loved one, says
Christine Webber,
ps ychot her api s t
in the United
Kingdom and author of Get the
Happiness Habit. When depressed
people are in good relationships, she
says, the positive feelings from the
relationshipcanhelpthemfeelbetter
aboutthemselves.
S t a c e y
says that small
things, like
just letting her
boyfriend talk
and assuring
him that she
was there if he
needed her,
helped their
relationship.
W h i l e
s u p p o r t i n g
your depressed
partner is
i m p o r t a n t ,
Goldberg says,
the healthy
i n d i v i d u a l
s h o u l d
realize that
modeling non-
d e p r e s s e d
b e h a v i o r
is a good
thing. Doing
something you
enjoy can have
apositiveinfluenceonthedepressed
individual,shesays.
Stacey says that even though she
wanted to help her boyfriend, she
felt guilty when she did things she
enjoyed. Sometimes Id lie about
what I was doing because I didnt
want him to get mad or upset at me,
she says.It was like I was walking on
pinsandneedles.
While Staceys reactions were
natural,Goldbergsays,healthypeople
needtorespectthattheresgoingtobe
times when the depressed individual
just wont want to do anything.Have
theabilitytodothingsindependently
anddontassumethattheydontwant
to spend time with you, but that the
personwantsalonetime, shesays.
Its difficult to stay calm and
confident when your loved one is
so unhappy, but any partner of a
depressedindividualshouldrealizeits
normal to be upset by this situation,
Webber says. Even if youre at your
wits end because your loved one has
lost the ability to raise a smile, or to
appreciate any of the good moments
in life, try to accept that all these
things are simply a part of this awful
illness, shesays.
Trough thick and thin
How to cope when
your partner suffers
from depression
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 17
by Rachel Zupek
contact
depression statistics
18.8millionAmerican
adultssufferfromclinical
depression.Thatis9.5
percentoftheadult
population.
35millionAmericans
(morethan16percentof
thepopulation)sufferfrom
depressionsevereenoughto
warranttreatmentatsome
timeintheirlives.
Womenarealmosttwice
aslikelyasmentofallprey
tothedisease,whilemenare
farlesslikelytolookforhelp.

Source: National Institute of
Mental Health
ChristineWebber, authorofGet
the Happiness Habit, offersadvice
on howpartnersofdepressed
peoplecanhelpthemselvesand
theirrelationship:
Dontkeepsayingyouknow
whatyourpartnerisgoing
throughyoudont.
Dontdespair.
Encourageyourpartnertoget
alltheprofessionalhelpavailable.
Remember: Itsexactlyasifyour
partnerwasrecoveringfroma
seriousphysicalillnessorfrom
surgery. Giveplentyoftender
loveandcareanddontexpect
improvementtoberapid.
Spendtimeeverydaydoing
nicethingsforyourself.
Rememberthatthisperiod
ofyourlifewillpass, andthat
yourpartneristhesameperson
underneathasheorshewas
before.
did you know...?
Suicide Prevention Services offers
hotlines 24 hours a day, seven days a
week.
Suicide hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE
Depression hotline: (630) 482-9696
SCOTTKASERMAN
Brian Bratichak
BITCH
+
moan
Brian: Hey baby, I had
the mumps and now Im
sterile. Wanna have some
amazing, no-pregnancy-risk,
animalistic, unprotected sex?
Thatll be a great line for you
to use while youre in college,
but past that, women will
be more keen on getting a
man with very motile sperm
to pair up with their rapidly
depleting eggs. While mumps
actually can cause infertility
in men, its not as common as
people think. Only about 25
percent of men who contract
mumps become sterile. So
if you do get mumps, which
is highly unlikely, your odds
of being infertile are one in
four. If you really want a good
pick-up line, try this:Hey
baby, I had my vas deferens
cut, so now Im sterile. Wanna
have some amazing, no-
pregnancy-risk, unprotected
sex?
Jessica: Yes, thats true. Have
at it, ladies. That is, of course, if
you want the mumps, too.
with the mumps apparently taking over kansas, ive heard men
can go sterile from the disease. is this true? cause thatd be
awesome! clint, freshman
Jessica: That depends on a number of
factors. If youre having unprotected
sex in any kind of water (ocean,
bathtub, pool, Jacuzzi), you can
defnitely get pregnant. However, if
there is merely semen in the water
in which youre swimming, then you
most likely will not get pregnant.
Chlorine, the amount of water and the
cold temperature of pools prevent
sperm from living very long. The
same rules of dry land sex apply to
underwater sex. Unprotected sex or
even sex with a faulty condom can get
you pregnant if no alternate methods
of birth control are used.
Brian: Its defnitely true you cant get
pregnant in a swimming pool. Sperm
are actually afraid of water, and when
a man has sex in water, he actually
doesnt ejaculate. Unless youre
swimming in a pool flled with sperm.
If thats the case, I recommend you call
a sperm bank and tell them youve hit
the jackpot. Then sell it to them and
youll never have to work another day
in your life. Yes, you moron, you can get
pregnant. Its a line probably invented
by a guy so that some girl would have
sex with him in a pool. She believed
him, told all her friends and now youre
keeping that mans brilliant brainstorm
going. So, on behalf of every guy whos
scored pool sex, thanks, Claire.
is it true that
you cant get
pregnant in
a swimming
pool? claire,
freshman
Jessica: Think of all
the girls you know
that make out with
other girls while drunk.
Do you think theyre
bisexual? More than
likely, theyre either
experimenting or doing
it for the attention
of rowdy, drunken
males. Either way, Im
guessing most of them
arent bisexual. If you
enjoyed it, however,
its a possibility. Talk to
him about it and see
how he feels. I dont
think a single act with
someone of the same
sex is cause for a label
of sexual orientation,
but think about what
youre attracted to the
majority of the time .
. . women? Men? Just
ask yourself these
questions, and Im sure
it will become clearer
to you.
Brian: If it walks like a
duck and sounds like
a duck, its probably a
duck. Youre bisexual.
Being at college is a
great time to try new
things and express
yourself. Test it out with
your friend or another
guy to decide how
much you really like
men. If its just a phase,
itll just have been a
college thing. If you
really like it, youll be
able warn all your future
girlfriends. Being shy
about it can make your
life a living hell later on.
Imagine the backlash
if youre married for
15 years and never
fully expressed your
bisexuality. Imagine
your wife coming home
to fnd you in bed with
your 24-year-old male
secretary. Remember:
hell hath no fury like a
woman scorned.
some TIme ago I made ouT
wITH a same-sex frIend
of mIne. we were preTTy
wasTed. I know we are BoTH
HeTerosexual, BuT BoTH
of us enjoyed IT. do you
THInk IT makes us BIsexual?
guzman, sopHomore
Jessica Crowder
Please send your
questions to
bitch@kansan.com
18

jayplay 04.27.2006
3PORTS"AR'RILL
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T
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c
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S
c
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e
n
s
$2.25 23oz Domestic
Sluggers
$3.25 23oz Import
Sluggers
$1 Wells $2 14oz Domestic
$2 Calls
$2 Wells
$2 Margaritas
$2 14oz Domestic
$2 Domestic Bottles
$2 U-Call-It
$2 Import Bottles
$2.50 23oz Domestic
Sluggers
$2 23oz Dom. Sluggers
$2.75 Select 23oz
Import Sluggers
$2 Domestic Bottles
$2 14oz Domestics
$3 Select 23oz Import Sluggers
$2 Bloody Marys
Coping with the
pains of dessert
addiction
by Charissa Young
To avoid seeing the syringe and
pointy metal objects coming at my face,
I painstakingly try to fxate on a ceiling
poster of furry puppies scampering in a
hazy spring meadow. WhrrrrWhrrrWhrrr.
Eureka! Its a cavity lucky cavity
number 21. The dentist wipes off the
enamel residue accumulating on his
spectacles, shakes out his wrists and
drills further.
Charissa, are you brushing regularly?
he asks with a raised eyebrow. I slightly
nod my head, trying not to disrupt the
excavation party going on in my mouth.
I think back to the half-dozen chocolate
chip cookies I ate the day before, to the
pineapple cake I ate for breakfast all last
week, to the countless Sylas and Maddys
ice cream outings and mini Snicker bars,
and I wonder if its all been worth it.
For a long time I was in denial about
my addiction. I remember when I was
just tall enough to climb onto the
kitchen counter to steal extra helpings
of Oreo cookies from the cookie jar. I
also remember my transparent denial
when my parents confronted me about
the stuffng-less chocolate shells left
behind. Id stash bags of candy from a
recent shopping spree behind books
and in my dresser drawers. I hid my
hankering for sweets because my
parents emphasized self-discipline, and I
was eager to please, pli-ing all over the
studio in ballet class, tripping over my
own feet playing soccer and eating in
moderation at their urging.
The school lunches my mom made
for me in grade school were the worst.
Not only did I have to go an entire day
dessertless, but my lunch also lacked
popular appeal. Against school rules,
students would smuggle in junk food,
reinforcing their godliness among
deprived sweet fends like myself. To my
awe, they quietly, yet proudly, displayed
their contraband of tooth-rotting cans
of Dr. Pepper and candy bars alongside
their creamy peanut butter-and-jelly
crustless white bread sandwiches. I
frowned as I tried to quietly unvelcro
my thermal lunch sack for my sensible
meal of bologna on wheat bread, crusts
intact, washed down with a mysteriously
favored Capri Sun, rounded out with an
apple or occasional pudding cup for the
fnale. Dessert, my ass.
I found release in openly feeding
my sugar appetite when I visited my
California Grandma. When Id hear
Pavlovs bell ringing on a distant ice
cream cart rolling across the boardwalk,
my grandma would urge me with a $5
bill to buy fudge-centered drumsticks.
Extremely shy, I rarely approached
strangers, but I was not one to miss out
on an opportunity for dessert. For my
grandma, ice cream was practical relief
from the sweltering heat. I was as giddy
as a kid on Christmas morning as I tore
away the ice cream wrapper and bit into
the chocolate shell, careful not to drop
a morsel.
Its not as if my parents forbade
me to eat sweets (I was a twiggy
thing and could have used the extra
calories), but their constant harping
on moderation and sensibility led me
to feel guilty about my addiction. As a
young adult, I began to taste my sense
of independence independence
from my role as the abiding daughter,
represented by me no longer restricting
my diet. When I moved to Kansas for
high school, I became known to my
friends as Sweet Cheeks, thanks to
my penchant for sweets as I hoovered
up their birthday cakes each April. I
no longer felt the need to hide my
addiction.
Now, out of my parents house and
their supervision, I eat enough sugar-
laden products to induce an insulin
coma. I make it a point to eat dessert
with each meal, sometimes replacing it
as a meal altogether, and it serves as an
indulgence, a simple pleasure, in my life
of moderation.
I admit that the pendulum of my
addiction has swung into an extreme
overconsumption of desserts, with my
poor parents footing my dentist bills.
I dont know if my parents know the
extent of my addiction, but I assume
that they recognize that my frequent
dentist visits are not the norm. I may
have not grown up to be the graceful
ballerina or goal-scoring Mia Hamm
that they had hoped I would be,
but I am indebted to them for their
unwavering support throughout
my life, from the failures to the
toothaches. I am a sugarholic and
proud of it, even if it means another
drill session the pain has never
been so sweetly worth it.
SPEAK
04.27.2006 JAYPLAY 19
SCOTT KASERMAN
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