Feliz Nevermind Pt.

1 You know, Dad, youre always welcome to come visit I said into the phone, knowing that I would be blown off as always. As he rattled through his usual laundry list of reasons why he couldnt just now, but soon, something in me snapped. Oh, lets just drop it, okay? I interrupted. Im so sick of this. We both know youre never going to come visit, so lets not talk about it anymore. He stammered and blustered a bit before I cut him off and hung up. What was the use? For nearly four years I had been asking my father to come see me, mainly in hopes that he would bring my little brother along. In those four years I had: Bought a house Gone through a long and painful divorce and given up said house Lost a much loved job Totalled my car Gotten into a very serious relationship Had to reboot my life from ground zero

Even if it wasnt sincere, a pretense of interest from my father on any of those counts wouldve been a comfort. But I knew better, and just didnt feel like playing the game anymore. The next day, he surprised me by calling back. Ellen and I were talking last night, and we thought it might be nice if Ian came to visit, the week between Christmas and New Years. Translation: I thought about it, and realized you were right. I felt a twinge of guilt. Not enough to go to any physical bother myself, mind you, but heres a consolation prize so we can have some peace and quiet for a week. My heart started pounding. Just Ian? I breathed. Yes. Hes thirteen now, plenty old enough to travel on his own, I think. Translation: We really, really need a break. Like a week in Hawaii. Quality time with The Weenie, and no Dad bullshit? It was beyond perfect. YES! I screamed.

The next day my heart sank as the phone rang again. Dad calling three days in a row? Unheard of. He was probably calling to tell me that they had changed their minds. Which they had. Sort of. We talked it over some more, honey, Dad chirped, and we thought it would be even more special if we sent Missy along too. Translation: We decided Ian isnt really ready to travel alone, and now your pathetic, chronically unemployed sister will be out of our hair for the week too. Not the ideal scenario I had been promised the day before, but not a cancellation either. I could tolerate my sister better than my father and his wife, after all. Okay, Dad. Just get me their travel itinerary when you have a chance. Will do he said, and hung up. Well see I thought. * * * The following weekend Dad surprised me yet again by taking the initiative to call. Again I couldnt help but think he was calling to cancel. It had happened too many times before. So I just want make sure its still okay for Missy and Ian to come over Christmas Dad said. Im pretty sure Ellen got the tickets, and theyre non-refundable. If this was true, it was really going to happen. No way in hell would my tight-fisted stepmother would eat the cost of plane tickets. Yeah, Dad, thats great! Give me their flight info. Okay, hang on a minute I stayed on the line for several minutes, happily envisioning all the things I was going to do with Ian. Sledding. Ice skating. And of course the Experimental Aircraft Museum in Oshkosh. Ian was obsessed with aviation, and Im sorry, honey Dad breathed into the phone. I cant seem to find them, and Ellens not here right now. Ill have her call you with the information when she gets home.

Okay. I hung up feeling positively giddy, and went on with my planning. My enthusiasm started to wane when no call came that night. Or the next day. Or the following week. I called on Saturday, when Ellens sister answered, informing me that she was the only one home. Far from reliable, I asked her to take a message, told her it was very important, and hoped for the best. And another week went by. I called again, getting the machine this time. I left a long message explaining that I still needed the flight information, no one had called me back, were they still coming or what? When two more weeks went by and Christmas arrived with no word, I had figured out that they werent coming and nobody felt it was important enough to let me know. Since I had already arranged to take the week off, I made other plans and tried to console myself with a lazy Christmas day and cooking a nice dinner for me and the man. On Christmas, in between the Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon and cooking, the phone rang. Assuming it was Dad, whom I had zero desire to speak with, I let the machine get it. The deep, husky voice of my younger stepson crackled over the speaker. I snatched the receiver. Charles? Well, this is a surprise! Merry Christmas! How are you? Not too good actually. Im here at Dads, he went to Europe with his new girlfriend. Im really bored. He doesnt even have a tv, and Wait, wait youre at your Dads? Here in Wisconsin? Yeah. I dropped out of high school when I turned eighteen, so Mom kicked me out. Dad gave me your number before he left, told me to only use it in case of emergency, but It seemed there were a lot of people choosing to not give me important info, I thought. But, honey, its Christmas. You shouldnt be there alone. Would you like to come have dinner with me and Rob? Oh my God, would I! came the immediate response. Okay. Sit tight and Ill come get you. After a quick shower and

instructions to Rob about keeping an eye on the food, I was out the door, mind reeling. An hour later Charles and I were headed back to Madison. He filled me in on how he had come to live with his Dad (whom I was none too happy with at the moment), and I filled him in on the Ian fiasco. He erupted with laughter. Oh my God. Your family is even more fucked up than mine he guffawed. Tell me something I dont know I grumbled, but couldnt help smiling. Well, he gasped, wiping his eyes at least some things never change. And then we both lost it. Whatever had happened between his father and I, I have never stopped loving him and his older brother. It was a wonderful treat to see him again, and I was beginning to finally feel some Christmas spirit. An hour later we walked through the door, still chuckling, when I noticed the terrified look on Robs face. What happened? Did you burn something? I asked. No he squeaked. Just just dont shoot the messenger, okay? You better check the machine. I froze. No. Just check it. Hi honey. Merry Christmas! Dad intoned. Listen, when you get a moment, can you call me so I can go over Missy and Ians itinerary for tomorrow with you? Theyre COMING? I screamed at the machine, and then let loose with a string of expletives that wouldve made George Carlin proud. Rob and Charles gaped at me for a minute, then spontaneously burst with laughter. Yep! wheezed Charles. Thats your family all right! Stop it! I commanded. I have to call him back, and and Im pissed, and It was no use. I was suddenly howling along with them. Finally I got control of myself, and Rob led Charles into the office to show him his prop gun collection. Which actually meant crouching by

the door to listen to the epic butt-chewing my father was in for. What the fuck do you mean, theyre coming? I screamed at Dad when he answered. What do you mean? he stammered. I told you Ellen got the tickets. No, you son of a bitch. You told me you thought she got the tickets, and then I never heard from anyone again! I left repeated messages and NOBODY CALLED ME BACK! Snickers from down the hallway. I grabbed a couch pillow and threw it in the direction of the office. Really? Oh. Well, we meant to. Oh. Okay. That changes everything. Tool. Ive already made other plans for the week. Now you pull this on me with one days notice? Well, I dont know why you would do that. I told you they were coming. Back to that again. Ive had more productive conversations with the toaster. A voice in my head shouted Say no! Just say no! Show him he cant get away with treating you like the family doormat anymore! But almost as soon as it piped up, another, calmer voice said And if you do that, he will hold it over your head for years to come, and never let Ian visit again. A more horrifying thought than ceding this one to him. Fine I snapped. I got the flight information and slammed the phone down on him. Applause came from the office. Charles? I asked. Would you have any problem spending the night? No. That would be great. Good I said. I opened the wine and poured us both the first of many.