Margaretta Groves

1, 2, 3 The Toddler Years, A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers by Irene Van der Zande is a guide about respecting toddlers. The goal of this book is to make it easier for parents and caregivers to make the most out of the toddlers years. The author hopes that after reading this book the reader will have a better understanding of the centers philosophy of development communication of respect of toddlers. There are three parts to this book. The first part is about respect for toddlers. The second part is about successful parenting. The last part is about finding and keeping quality childcare. The first part of the book is about respect of the toddler. To be respectful each child needs to be considered individually about their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Also each child needs to be able to learn and grow at a natural rate. Another way to respect a toddler is to let them invent and decipher their own problems. Feelings are and important part of how toddlers accept themselves and each other. Toddlers grow confidence by solving their own problems without any help from parents and caregivers. Being respectful to a toddle means saying goodbye when you leave them and not sneak out. Waiting to toilet train a toddler when they are ready instead of pushing them before they are ready is another form of respecting toddlers. The second part of the book is about successful parenting. Being a successful parent means helping ourselves learn from other parents experiences. A parent needs to trust in them self that they know their own child better than anyone else. To be a successful parent, the parent needs to make time for them self. Parents need to make sure their toddler is safe without being overbearing. Toddlers need our help to understand their grief and loss. Parents need to be able to ask for help when they need it. Dont feel guilty because we all make mistakes as parents but how we learn from them is how we can become successful.

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The third and final part of the book is about finding and keeping quality childcare. When choosing childcare a parent should consider when to look, where to look, and how to look. Parents should not wait till the last minute to find childcare. When looking for childcare parents should ask friends who have children in childcare how they found their childcare. Make sure to figure out what you are willing to spend on childcare before you start looking. When visiting the childcare center or home make sure to ask lots of questions. Always have a backup plan childcare because toddlers do get sick. A parent should ask every day their primary caregivers about how their childs day went. 1, 2, 3 The Toddler Years, A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers by Irene Van der Zande has a lot of practices that compares with the book, Infants, toddlers and caregivers, a Curriculum of Respectful, Responsive Care and Education as well as some practices that contrast of each other. One way both books compare is the practices of letting toddlers solve their own problems. In 1, 2, 3, it says that toddlers learn how to do things for themselves by not having a parent/caregiver do everything for them. In Infants, toddlers, and caregivers, it says that infant/toddlers should solve their own problems because they are leaning opportunities. Also in Infants, toddlers, and caregivers, they use the term scaffolding. Scaffolding means to keep a constant eye on the infant/toddler that is trying to solve their problem by encouraging them to. Both books believe that solving their own problem can be valuable learning opportunities. Another way both books are similar is they both believe that saying goodbye should be quick and to the point and by that way, builds trust. In Infants, toddlers, and caregivers, it states that parent/caregiver sneaking out without saying goodbye the infant/toddler will think they will be deceived each time they do not see you. In both books it says that its a babys right to feel sad if the parent leaves and that the parent should not feel guilty. Infant/toddler can learn to

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predict that parent will return after the parent says goodbye. The infant/toddler does not feel tricked or lied to when they are said goodbye to. It is better if the infant/toddler cries and wails loudly when the parent leaves because they will learn to trust that their parent will come back. Another comparison in both books are spending quality time with your toddler is important. Quality time can be during diapering, dressing, and feedings. Caregivers should be able and encouraged to spend one on one time with the infant/toddler. It is important for and infant/toddlers to feel that we like to spend time with them. Little moments of one on one time can be more special to and infant/toddler than big occasions. Infant/toddler needs to lean that they live in a busy society. One more comparison with both books is that they believe that a parent/caregiver should respect an infant/toddler as a person. When parent/caregiver goes to pick up and infant/toddler they should walk up to them and tell the infant/toddler they will pick them up before they do it. Parent/caregiver should let the infant/toddler know what they are going to do before they act on it. Being respectful to and infant/toddler means letting them express their feelings and acknowledge them. I believe the main contrast between 1, 2, 3 and Infants, toddlers and caregivers and all the other material we have used so far is one is a how to guide and the rest are based on curriculum and theories on infants, toddlers and caregivers. 1,2,3 only focuses on toddlers ages one to three, the other materials have a broader coverage area of infants, toddlers and caregivers. 1, 2, 3 explains how a parent can deal with everyday problems with toddlers only. Infants, toddlers and caregivers not only focuses on infants, toddlers and caregivers but they also focus on the childcare environment, 1,2,3 does not.

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There are a lot of methods of parenting in the book 1, 2, 3 that I agree with. One method of parenting I agree with is giving the option of choice to a toddler. In most situations you can offer a toddler a question. When offering toddler choices, make sure you will like the choice they will pick. Offering toddlers choices are good as long as you use them within your limits. I also believe that when you give toddlers choices they will develop good self-esteem and confidence. I also agree that toddlers should be free to express their feelings. I do not believe caregivers should change the subject and distract the toddlers from expressing their feelings. It can also make the toddler believe that their feelings are wrong and not appropriate. When the caregiver would acknowledge the toddlers feeling I thought that was good practice. Caregivers should also spend a lot of time giving names to the toddlers feelings. I also believe that toddlers need to know that all feelings are acceptable not just the pleasant ones. Another practice that the book uses that I agree with is spending quality time with your toddler. Toddlers need to feel that their parents actually want to spend time with them. The time spent together does not need to be elaborately planned; it just needs to be quality time. Toddlers do not realize that when you say you will spend time with them tomorrow. All they know is what a long time from now is and it might never come. Also toddlers need to know that people who love them want to spend time with them. Diapering, feeding and dressing can be quality time as long as you make it so. The practice that to a toddler there is only one difference when it comes to sex roles, I agree with. I will say that the first time my oldest came out of his female cousins room wearing a Cinderella dress and high heels was shocking, but eventually I came to realize that he only wanted to play dress up with his cousin. He did not care if it was more stereotypical female

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gender clothes as opposed to stereotypical make gender clothes. The next time he visited with his cousin and played dress up and I made him feel comfortable that it is acceptable to play dress up. Eventually he grew out of the phase of wanting dress up in female gender type clothes. Toddlers should not be told they cannot play with something but other toddlers can because they are a different gender. I also believe that is important for toddlers to see men and women in not typical gender roles, such as a male cook or female construction worker. There are two parts of this book that I agree and disagree at the same time. It is how the book explains how to say goodbye. The book believes that if the parent tells the toddler a quick goodbye that the toddler will learn that farewell does not last forever and they will learn to trust. As opposed to if the parent sneaks out without telling the toddler goodbye, and then the toddler will always believe that people will disappear when they are not paying attention. I personally have used both methods with my sons. The primary caregiver at the time told me not to sneak out and why that can be hurtful to my sons feelings. Sneaking out is definitely easier on the parent because they do not have to see their child upset. On the other hand, it is hard for me to believe that when you say goodbye to your toddler and they are screaming and crying because you are leaving them that they will eventually realize that you will come back for them. The main reason I have mixed feelings for this practice is because I have had two different outcomes from my sons. My oldest son no matter how many times I would say a quick goodbye and leave, he would always scream, cry and chase after me. He never realized I would be back later to pick him up. The other times I would sneak out and he would be ok. When he realized I was not there, he would ask the caregiver where I was and was told I would be back and he would not be upset. However, my youngest son only after two weeks realized that when I said a quick goodbye, that I would be back later to pick him up.

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The second part that I agree and disagree is the practices of letting toddlers eat how they want to eat. Keeping toddlers clean during meal times is a lot easier if you are feeding them. Meal time is also a lot quicker if you feed them. Toddlers can lean to serve and feed themselves, and to drink out of a cup but doing so will be a very messy process. It is hard as a parent to let your toddler dictate when it is meal time because it feels like it is never at the same time as the rest of the family. Having a conversation during meal times is almost impossible with the toddler at the table because you have to devote every second to the toddler. Talking to you toddler positively at meal time is very difficult because they are so busy making messed or making noises. The one practice that I disagree with is that parents need to trust themselves on how they know there toddler the best. The parents judgment of their toddler is easy and will come naturally. I disagree with that and I believe the only way to trust yourself is through time and experience. The moment your toddler is born there are people giving their opinions on what they think is the right way to do this or that. All the opinions received are very overwhelming. It is easy for the parent to not trust themselves in their parenting skills. Parents do second guess themselves all the time. Every child is different and they learn and develop at the different rates. One toddler may learn to potty-train faster than another but that does not mean that child is any better than the one who does not. Only with experience and time are parents able to trust themselves on their parenting skills.

Groves Gonzalez-Mena, Janet. Infant, Toddlers, and Caregivers: a Curriculum of Respectful,...includes Caregiver's Companion. [S.l.]: Mcgraw Hil, 2009. Print.

Van, Der Zande, Irene. 1, 2, 3-- the Toddler Years: a Practical Guide for Parents & Caregivers. Santa Cruz, CA: Center, 1995. Print.