How to meet God and what to expect.

(More of the same, some of part 2 so to say) Then you will know that it is I the LORD who strikes you. Where is God? Where is he to be found? And what is he and how? Where is he livin g? In a multidimensional time or space? The bible says, God is in heaven. Heaven is where God is. But where is it? Where does he start and where does he end? Wh ere is the place God starts or God ends? Is there a no-God-place? The bible says that even hell is not a completely God-less place. How much less our world. But where is he? And where is he not? Where does heaven start? There is a sky, the birds share it with planes and sta rs. Is heaven in the sky? The sky starts at our feet, where solid ground ceases to be and reaches up into what to us is infinite sky. But heaven? Is it part of the sky? Is the sky part of heaven? Do they overlap? It seems to me that heaven describes another dimension of being. Parallel to the sky, the earth, to our everyday life. And still in the midst of it. Maybe heaven is behind all material things if he can be found. Heaven isn't mate rial, doesn't describe material or physically proven reality. It seems to me ant i-materiel, whether that refers to its being ant-matter, I don't know. I do know that heaven is the other, the different, as God is different and yet a deep par t of all being. Heaven is not necessarily a term referring to some touchable or visible entity b ut to a spiritual reality. A realm, whose impact we feel, maybe resent, but nont heless are unable to find with greedy fingers or minds. Heaven is the place wher e God is. It usually begins in somebodys heart. God is rarely concerned with bui lding and may not live in a church, if no-one knowing him lioves there. To go to church to find God isn't really how it works. It is like having a washing machi ne without knowing what it is there for or without instructions and water or ele ctricity. The washing machine in itself will help nothing, if not filled with wa ter and driven by electricity. So are we before God. The church in itself is very useful. But without God's Spi rit or without our making it work by God's presence it will not accomplish anyth ing. There is much to our dislike often enough no touchable part of the kingdom of Go d. As much as God has always refused to be seen or to be visible part of our mat erial reality. Still he may be in the smallest longing of the heart for purity. For a better world. His kingdom is not bound to respect the borders of countries or continents. It transcends all notion of space, planets, languages, people. T o be found in the most unlikely places. Its majesty cannot be put into words or pictures and yet it is so small, for God has bound himself to mankind by his wor d. Even more so, God has bound mankind to himself. And he has bound himself to mankind. To become whole as a human being, as a nati on or a world, is necessarily bound to God. Only with him can our need for perfe ction, for wholeness, for fullfilling be satisfied. Satisfaction sang a famous ban d, searching for more of it. Never finding it. Too true. For no earthly way can give it. Only in God can a man find his ultimate satisfaction. We are build that way. It is like using a piano for an aquarium or a closet. That may be ways to use it, but its fullfilling will be to be played upon by a master pianist. No ne ed to ask why. It is build for this one purpose. To give music when well played. All the tuning or cleaning in the world cannot change its purpose. So is it with mankind. Nothing can alter the purpose. We can find tons of things to divert us from the goal, but full the satisfaction will only be reached wher e in contact with the master player. We can stand up against it, protest it, mak e petitions against it or demonstrate. That doesn't change reality one tiny bit. If a car is build to be driven, that's its purpose. Nothing else will do in the end. And nobody wouldn't even question that need to be driven but search for th

e most perfect car, the one that is driven most easily. Just with human nature usually we will not adhere to our own counsel. We need a d river, a player, to fulfil the purpose of life and to find satisfaction. Even if it means being crashed against a wall or forgotten in a garage, hammered upon by u nknowing fists or torn apart by discordonate sounds. Nothing else will do. And as long as we resist that, as long as we refuse to cooperate, we get further and further away from finding that last satisfaction. That's why Paul so admoni shed to have nothing to do with the ways of other people. Like a sportsman, to be single-minded. For as long as we are easily turned away, there is no getting eve n close to that point where we can get in touch with the ultimate reason for bei ng. So leave it all behind. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or g reedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with su ch people. (1 Cor. 5:11). Paul says so. He doesn't even talk about non-believers. He talks about keeping away from brothers and sisters who will not run the race. For it is much worse to have known the truth and rejected it than to have never known it. These may yet turn. Those Paul delivered to Satan for destruction. They can only be a hindrance as bad company will corrupt ultimately. It always d oes. A car standing in the rain will at some poitn be rusty, no matter how hard he'll try. Sin is a terribly sticky, sweet looking and smelling thing, if not it wouldn't be tempting anyone at all. Get out. It is the one way to fulfillment, to satisfaction, to perfection and it is what man is meant to be. Holy is the word the bible uses. Separate. Different. That i s no selfishness or pride. For if I see a fire in the house, try to get out and call to everybody to get out as well, dragging along a child maybe. If I stay in there, nothing will be one. I will perish with the ones who will not rise to ge t out. And I cannot drag out everybody by myself. To get out and call the police or fire departement is the wisest thing to do. Why can we, who are so earthly wise and knowing all the tricks to turn things to our own advantage, not be so concerning the heavenly, the unseen things? Why ar e we so stupid and lazy in our dealings with the eternal goal? This may be hard to hear, but usually we are slow where we are dumb. Where we are already condemn ed or lost. Nobody tries to win a race he has never heard of or felt the need to train for. I won't win ever a triathlon for I am way too lazy to even start training. And I am overweight, which wouzldn't help. I wouldn't even think of entering a contes t. So maybe when someone is unwilling to move closer to God he is unable. Alread y condemned in his body, already in hell in this life. For this is the promise of God: When we leave all else behind, a small part is a lready in heaven. Being saved seems to be three-fold. One part is saved the mome nt I accept Jesus as Lord. That part is in heaven already. And you can feel the slight breeze coming from the throne of God sweeping through your life. Then the re is one part that needs constant saving. That is the part of every day life th at needs to be cleansed. That's where the frontier lies.That's where the fight i s hardest. That's where the fate is decided. That's where it matters what I do, how I live, where I go. Actually, it shows whether the first part is real. For i f it is, it will influence all following decisions and ways of a man. It will sh ow what stuff we are made of, that decision to follow Christ was made of. If the sweet smell of God's presence is there, everything else will fade away. Must fa de away or the presence of God will be lost. And then there is a third part, that part, that one day will stand before God, a waiting judgement. For those, who followed God's ways, there will be redemption. As through the fire, everything will be melting away, but redemtion it will be

and the wonderful grace of God'S presence will be ultimate bliss. But to those w ho will not pass, it will be like a wall they run up against, like a locker they don't know they secret number to. Like awatched door whose passowrd is unknown. There are things, that are only yes or no. I learned that from my computer, the hard way. If he is not given correct information, no amount of wailing or cryin g or lamenting or cursing will change his refusal. Only to get it right, to get the coding right will bring the desired result. It is a 0-1 solution. A yes or n o process. Is this right? The I will get the desired result. If I got it wrong, the computer will remain silent and lifeless. Figure, if even a computer knows r ight from wrong, in coding terms, not in ethical matters, how much more so heave ns doors. And what if you never new the code-word to enter? That won't be funny. I know, I spent a certain amount of time on the wrong side. And it feels. It hurts. And there is nothing to be done about it but to turn an d try again. If there is no God, lets live and to whatever is pleasing to the greed and envy in us. But beware if there is. I know, he deserves unreserved love. But how can we give that to someone largely unknown? First of all he deserves respect. Awe. Fear. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom the proverb says. Like you usually cannot for always avoid paying at least a certain amount of tax es, no matter how hard you'd be wishing or striving for it, as much the end may well be unavoidable. To take precautions is the first step of wisdom. The man cl aiming to be shrewd or clever or smart needs very certainly to first set his way s right with God, or all will fail in the end. To do a clever short-termed trick is what demons do. It will only lead to perdition. Have you ever wondered why rich people so often claim to be lonely, sorrowful, h urtinh, unsatisfied? There may be a part of it that is a lie to protect there ri ches. For if they brought unlimited pleasure, everybody might be jealous. To kee p people quiet with this: I am no happier than you are though I am rich is a very nice way of keeping everbodies mouth shut and make you look towards other goals. But part of, this lack of satisfaction, maybe very real and may drive those who can to do all kinds od evil things? Why? Becuase they must. They may please the mselves to be smart and able to behave in a way, that put a deep blush on their faces if they were to read about somebody else behaving like this or if they wer e on the receiving end. But if there is no God, that would be the one way to go. Go, get it all. Mostly we are not evil, because we don't dare to be so. No matter how ell covere d up the excuses are. The fear to be caught is usually the biggest and best reas on to do as asked. But if you and I were free to do just as we pleased, just as our nature would lead us to do, we might very well all be that, no matter how ma ny holy words be put upon. For we are slaves to sin. Let nobody deceive you. It is the one you obey to who is master. If you need to sin, than sin is the master . The more so, the deeper the dependancy. Today or maybe throughout human histor y, man has called freedom the act of breaking God's law. If you think of what yo u know about freedom, it includes at some point turning away from God. That is t he deception. A train can never be free. It makes no sense at all to let a train run free. If he doesn't have his rails, he will go nowhere that deserves to be gotten to. Thi s our whole concept of freedom is a deception. An illusion that leads into deepe st slavery: The slavery to be evil, to be bad. To go nowhere that is worth going to. And it brings a dissatisfaction with the self, when the small rush of adre nalin that meanness undoubtedly brings, is gone. So man has been bound to God like he is bound to breathe. Like it or, enjoy it o r not. It is one of the laws of life. You and I, we know the result of not breat hing- death. The result of being separate from God is just the same for the inne

r man. Death. But does it have to be Jesus? So many people believe in their gods, why does it have to be this one God when there seem to be so many? The word of God, at least the New Testament, doesn't say much about people of a different faith. The old testament has been quite clear. No other faith will lead to purity and peace wit h God. Sometimes, because of their practices, entire people had to be slaughtere d by early kings. Saul, first king of Israel, fell into disgrace with God becaus e he didn't do so. He saved the little girls and the little lambs from the onsla ught. And where we would nod and say: Why, those have not sinned, let them live, God decides differently. He says, he wants obedience even where it is not under stood. And Sauls kingship is broken. To be given to a small shepherd boy: David. Why would God do that? Genocide. A whole people extinguished? I can only guess. Some of the old people had very cruel gods that encouraged every sort of evil be haviour. Temple prostitution was only one of the many common parts. Because of s o much immoral behaviour, many children where born with sexual diseases. Transmi ttable sexual deseases. God had told his people again and again to kepp pure and separate from other peo ple. Because of these reason. Many of the laws of the old testament, to us often little more than smiled at relics, where imminently practical. For example pork meat was forbidden. Why? Pork meat deteriorates very quickly in the hot sun. It is not safe to be eaten very quickly. No frdge in the desert. So to remain safe from diesease there is a interdiction of pork meat. There may be more spiritual reasons. God always has his reasons. Often we cannot see the whole picture and cannot understand why he is wanting to be obeyed. Like in the slaughter of little girls or little lambs. Where they im pure? Carriers of desease and genetic defect? Probably. The laws on purity, bodi ly purity, had allowed the Israelites to be strong. Healthy. To keep people that way, God gave very specific laws, that would ensure the surv ival of his people. So those gods guided their followers into paths, that were less than healthy for them. They were mostly cruel gods. To slaughter the first-born was quite common with them. Some of the greek mythology still tells about those gods who wanted a favorite daughter or a beloved son in exchange for favour, lucky winds, succes s in war. Serving other gods doesn't lead to peace, healing, humility, love. So it seems. Of course Jews as well as christians have committed so many atrocities , that this notion seems to be almost lost or daring to be referred to. So many cruel deeds have been committed in the name of God and still are. But God still wants our obedience as much as those gods wanted it. To trust and obey the known deity has always been part of the pact between man and God. Paul writes in the letter to the Romans, concerning a different faith, that ever yone stand before his own conscience as prosecutor. In God's light we will one d ay see ourselves as God sees us. And condemn us where we have been living far fr om God. No need for a big judgement, though their may be one. Just the light of God will be unbearable to those, who have not found his grace. In Isaiah people are often measured not by their own faith but by their response to God's people. And where they have supported and helped God's chosen ones, th ey were saved as well. As Paul writes this, it is not my term to judge. Their ar e many powers in this world and in the other one. I don't know them all by far. I am not their judge. To great is my own need for God's grace. Everyone can find it, where it is wanted or needed with a whole heart. The first commandment stil l applies: Love the Lord your God with all your might.

Many powers in the other world are for good, others are for evil. God will revea l knowledge as it is needed, where it is wanted. For many believe faithfully in a thing completely wrong. We all do. We believe it will rain, in a much simpler way, and the sun shines brightly. We may have been persuaded, but are proven wro ng by brilliant sunshine. Believing in something doesn't make that thing right. Not even sincere belief, deep hurt, martyrdom for the wrong cause. All Spirits ar e to be tested for not all Spirits come from God. That has often puzzled me, I admit. For I have seem such bravery from men in sea rch of a goal. But if it is the wrong direction, no amount of faith or good will or hard work will make it right. We, so worldly wise with many things, often fa il to apply this wisdom to the heavenly things. Even so these have way longer la sting consequences. An example? If I want to drive a car, I have many regulation s to follow. The usual car needs some form of empowering, mostly gas. If it does n't get some, it won't go far. Or won't go at all. Exceptions admitted. But most ly, no matter of good faith in the ability of my car, no matter how much I know about cars and the way to drive it. If there is no fuel, it won't go. It doesn't help to be sincerely convinced it should. If it doesn't, there is not much to b e done. Get someone knowing what is wrong or get out the manual to find out what is wrong. The carwill not move till the reason is found and removed. And then, on the road, wanting to go to New York, example. Will not be achieved by following instructions on how to reach San Francisco. No matter how hard I be lieve. It won't. If even those simpler material things in our daily life obey to such logic, how can we suppose God would let us get away with anything else but truth and knowle dge? Where even a clock will not stike the hour we have agreed upon to be having right now, if it is not correctly tuned into that time zone. No matter of how h ard I believe will make it ring where it has not been set to the right time. No way. Exceptions admitted. And God has given us a body, whi is supposed to be like a tent for the Spirit. N ot the tent is the importance, though it needs to be kept with minimum standard, but the indwelling Spirit is. The Spirit God has given us. The Spirit yearning to go back to where it came from. To God. No matter of martyrdom, hard work, dee p faith will change this fact. No matter of deep faith will help us omit breathi ng. Though some can go pretty far in that direction. But ultimately, we have to breathe. And our Spirit has to breathe the presence of God in order to remain a living entity. I'd like to come back to the idea of sacrifice. We all do. I don't in the least intend to make it look a bad thing. Jesus still shows the meaning of sacrifice t o all. Leaving heaven to live in relative poverty, ridicule and persecution is a sacrifice he has made on our behalf. Following him brings many sacrifices of it s own. While being obedient to God, many sacrifices on earthly things will happe n. Choices have consequences. Much may be dared for the love of God. But daring and sacrificing are no goods in themselves. They need to be directed at a worthy goal. Many dictators dare and sacrifice their own people. In war man y gave their lifes, many still do so today. Often we think, he has been brave, I 'll see him in heaven. But it seems, that bravery, sacrifice, daring are not wha t gets us to heaven. For we are evil and all our longing is evil from childhood on. (Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. Gen. 8:21) Even our most heroic effort cannot be g ood, if it is not driven by God, inspired by the Spirit. We, from our own hearts , cannot be good. The dictator, considered a bad man by most, may be just as evi l as all those who judge him. Judge not, warned Paul, for what you judge is what you would do if you could.

So even big strides in the fight for human freedom or rights or integrity, as mu ch as I appreciate my freedom to sit at a computer writing, may not be worth muc h more then the atrocities of tyrants. That sound horrible, does it not? But it is what Jesus said. A small step taken in the right direction, led by the Spirit , is much, much more than the speedy marathon run in the wrong direction. And al l directions without God are wrong. Strangely, many people who believe in more terrifying gods than we do, or at lea st seemingly more terrifying, are way more careful in what they say or do than w e liberated civilised people. We commit more often then not the biggest atrociti es of all. And we maim people and terrorize and harass and torment those who beh ave differntly. Maybe even more so than the most terrible regime does. We put to ns of people to death for not being able to play along the rules. Just watch chi ldren exclude the one who happen to not be up to date in clothes or gear. Deadly . Even our efforts to protect nature are very self-centered. Protecting those cute whales, that other people may need for food, without giving them any choice? Pr otecting rainforest probably a very good thing to do whose cutting down feeds ec onomies that desperately need the money. Not that, in many cases, they will get it. It may well disappear into big corporate hands or go to powerful people. The re are many more really worthy causes undertaken by brave men and women. But non e of this will save mankind. Only getting rid of the evil inside first will maybe help to get rid of an evil outside. If I get rid of the evil inside me, I have made this world a bit bette r. So this is the foremost battle-field, a field on which everyone can and has t o fight. The frontline is not this water or that country. The frontline is withi n me and whenever I do a bad thing, the other side won a battle. The battle of w ho I am in God is the front. All else are diversion, sidekicks, illusions. I don't know about those brave fighters for freedom, if they are not fighting fo r the freedom to sin. It is not mine to judge. But it is mine to fight my own fi ght against evil every day. My own heart will betray me more then Judas betrayed Jesus. I may be willing, but unable. Paul again. The good I want to do, I do no t, but the evil that I don't want to do, that I do. So I justify the law, that s ays all have sinned for all have commited sin against the law they know in their hearts. Sin, again, is not hitting the center, going astray from the intended purpose. L ike the arrow that will not go into the goal but fly far, like a bullet without sure aim. We all do that. And we all know we do. Happy those, who are truly awar e of their bad nature, for there is hope for them to turn. A man considering him self righteous has little chance of ever seeing his own heart. To deep are the d eceptions and the illusions that go inbetween, even hinder any attempt at truly trying to figure out what a man is made of. Man is made of a body firstly, it is the first noticable thing a man may be awar e of as being himself. This body and his posibilities or the lack thereof may be the first limitations man will become aware of. Limitations to move it certain ways, to run at a certain speed, to live without food or drink, this body forces us to do a lot of things we may not initially like doing. For it is made of man y fluids that do not flatter the nose nor mans perception of himself. Many men h olding themselves in very high esteem don't consider at all what they are made o f. It might make them a bit humbler, if they'd realize that. Or it would make us all a lot humbler. There are so many vegetarians wearing lea ther shoes, ecologically straight people that smoke till their neighbor gets nea rly sick, enjoying a hearty draft from the cigarette in those endagered forests,

the man who is so social, being interested in the homless or socially difficult people, but who is completely unable to see why is maid or servant needs a day off or even more so a week-end. We are all bundles of paradoxon that are as unpl easant as many of the liquids evaporating from the healthy human body. But we are creatures formed in the image of God and although much has been lost, sometimes true beauty gives a hint of what might have been, of what has been a man, a woman. Even so, God had limited the body of man and woman. But he has giv en into this body an eternal Spirit, breath from his breath, mind from his mind. Which is why heaven begins right here; where the Spirit of God is, there is heav en. Were we share God's world, God's universe, there heaven is present. It doesn 't say, that the mind or the spirit of man is all and the body nothing. Both are closely linked. There have been many great teachers, whose philosophy included a complete neglect of the bodily aspects of man. Plato thought that spirit is al l important whereas material, bodily aspects are nothing. We could have been cre ated thus. But our God did not choose to do so. Maybe to limit the flight of the Spirit by the daily needs of the body. Even the greatest saint needs to go to t he bathroom, which may but a quite prosaic point into even the highest thought. As Paul stated, the body is tent, habitation for the Spirit. It has to be kept i n a healthy state of living. In working order. I myself eat too much, even thoug h too much healthy food. Sometimes the writing makes my nerves wearing really th in and a nice meal helps tremendously. It is part of my pleasures. For God has g iven us a sense to enjoy many things. We could have been created just going alon g, but we are able to feel and think and pray. We can laugh and cry, enjoy thin gs, be bored or angry. Probably these are God-like qualities too. The old testament is full of a God co ntent, angry, jealous, kind, loving, commanding, watching and much more. Anyway, my point is, that even though none of us is perfect, we are asked to car e for this body, to keep it healthy and like a car in good working order. Or to use it where it needs to be used to achieve a great thing. Like a marathon will use a lot of strength or a walk in the mountains may bring the body to its limit s, so a believer may stretch his bodys abilities, maybe in fasting, maybe in pra ying, maybe in just going on. The body needs attention without being indulged. He is a servant and like a good servant he needs his food and clothes in order to remain so. And God gives us w ays to do us, usually. But pain to the body, if coming from outside sources, may have to be born like many prophets and apostles suffered greatly because of the ir faith. There have been monks, searching suffering for the suffering, thinking that the suffering in itself would bring them closer to God. They have been bea ting themselves, hungered, lived lonely in difficilt places. I don't know whether they were successful or whether their brain would give them hallucinations for lack of sleep or food. The brain does that at times to cope. But pain in itself should probably not be searched for, but not be avoided eith er. There is more then enough of it in the life of a believer. But the body is teaching humility too. Dependance on food and drink, dependance on sleep. The constant flow of liquids that have to be takeb care of. Sweat, pee , spit, teeth that grow dirty, hear that grows greasy, skin that produces hundre ds of thousands of new skin cells, leaveing the old ones to be washed away, the list is much longer but I don't necessarily want to go into detail. Many of the old philosophers taught, that the body needs to be overcome in order to achieve enlightenement or to come close to God, who has no material body him

self. Science says, nerves and arteries are closely interwoven. Even the brain, carrying to much of what we think ourselves to be, is a muscle, so body and mind are closely intertwined with the body. They life within it and need it to thriv e. To my opinion it is important to keep the body servicable, which would be a midd le stance in life, for it means to neither overcome it by too much fasting and s uch, nor to indulge it by giving in to every wish the body has. It is, once tasted, a huge temptation to forget about the body and its limitatio ns. Or to not be touched by it any more. To abandon the self, loose it into God' s presence or to loose all feeling for it in drugs and drinks or shopping or foo d most of it is a form to avoid the humiliation of having this body. Of being ab le to go beyond. And doesn't it sound just the right thing to be immersed comple tely into the Spirit, to live in God's presence and the likes? And the feeling i s so sweet and beautiful. Just it is not the way God made us. He made us with limitations. And man lost pa radise when he rebelled against those limitations. He wanted to be like God. And God said: now that they know about good and evil, let us keep them away from th e tree of everlasting life. And he put an angel with a sword of fire to protect the tree from being reached by a human being. We are not meant to overcome all limitations here on earth. We are asked to live and learn and grow through them. To not avoid it but to embrace it. To know, Go d made it part of the human body, of the human experience, to give birth in pain and blood, to die in sickness and loss of control. And the way inbetween is cov ered with those well-known liquids we sweat. God's word says: for dust you have been taken and to dust you shall return. It is a good thing to remain conscient of where we come from. How many young people are so proud of their bodies and capabilities. Eternal you th is so inspiring, isn't it? I think the faster it is overcome the better, for man is rarely so stupid as when young. Wisdom has most often been gained through many years of difficulties and sorrows. Jesus went bodily to heaven and returned with a body. So there must be some impo rtance to that fact. He asked people explicitely to touch him after he rose. Pau l says we will have new bodies in heaven. We will not be Spirits floating throug h heaven. The body will then be as different from this one like the acorn is fro m the tree growing out of it. Which is just what it is. This body is the acorn t o grow a beautiful tree in the next life. So everything that nurtures the acorn will add to the beauty of the tree. And al l that hinders its growth will make it a poor thing in heaven, giving much room for regret. For having lacked the wisdom to take care of the eternal rather than to care for the present. The wonderful thing is, as said before, a little down the way and heaven begins here, where I am now, for a part of this me is already in heaven with God. That gives a lot of strength throughout a day, a year, a li fe. And it is a feeling of a strength greater then the forces that hold the eart h in its place. To be in contact with God's force is a treat truly. Strangely enough this seems to be greater where the body is given its place. The body, the material part of the self, is at least carrier, container of the m ind and the spirit. Up to today it seems that nobody has truly proven, what the soul is and where it lives. Some religions have special places for it, but there seems to be no unity. But as every being seems to have a slightly unique soul, even if that uniqueness may be fragile, so it seems to be linked to the body as long as a man lives.

From this close connection between the unseen and the seen parts of what I call me can be deduced, that they at least interfere. That he body and its spiritual parts are closely linked. Is the Spirit part of the body? It seems certain, that as a body changes, so changes a character. A child growing up, a man loosing a foot, a woman gaining weight, it deeply interferes with who I am, who you are. A nd which is first? Which is more important? I wouldn't know. If soul and body, mind and muscle, spirit and nerve are intertwined, it seems on ly natural that Jesus said the body will rise as well. There is a body here and there will be a body there, even though a very different one. Jesus rose with hi s body and he could be touched by many. Before he was gone to where no living ma n can find him. The materiality of being on this earth seems to rather be a path that point us t owards God than a condition man needs to overcome. Many philosophers habe either completely discarded any bodily aspect of salvation or put much emphasis on the body. Even schools of thought shortly after Jesus lived split into fractions. M any of these chastized the body, for the body is weak, and because they tried to get closer to God through pain. There seems to be some evidence that spiritual experience can be had through pain, through chastizing the flesh. But I am not s ure whether it is God answering such a plea. There are many powers between heaven and earth. Making sure those contacted are the ones desired to be with is important. There is enough pain in life without a dding to it. It rather seems a scheme of the evil one to try make us inflict mor e pain on us than life brings along. Though I wouldn't want to judge, again, man y very pious men and women had decided to chastize their flesh. And some decided it for others, putting them through more pain than not the body maybe but the m ind can endure. Can I encounter God in pain? Many have thought so. Even illumination or enlighte nment taht some teach comes with much pain. In many meditations those sitting ar e beaten. To break through. This kind of teaching is part of many schoold still today, in the 21 st century. Many singers or musicians are treated thus, always believeing that the pain frees the voice or overcomes scruples in singing or act ing. I only report rumors saying that in China beatings are regular part of the musicians instructiuon. Making it very clear there are hundreds who would love t he chance for being taught. C.S. Lewis wrote that it is pain that brings progress in many ways. Be it a danc er on her toes or a runner trying to qualify for some championship, it seems tha t progress is always linked to a certain amount of pain. But usually it is not p ain for pains sake. It hurts to stand up for the first time and it hurts to fall . Without pain nobody would probably learn. But to search pain for pain, again, isn't probably the right way to go about it. Even though many monks in medieval monasteries have been beating themselves til l they were bleeding. Again, not mine to decide or judge. But it doesn't seem li ke Jesus would want to conciously hurt us only to hurt. Though God did take away Job's goods and health and he sat scratching in the ashes wondering what befell him. It was a beam of grace that taught him much in the end. But it wasn't funn y. I don't think it was. It wasn't even funny to look at. Heaven starts where God is. I fear a solid beating may rather chase that away. T o find God has no easy answer. It can be in church. And it can be hiking the cou ntry side, working, praying, eating, cleaning, and on many more occasion as long as they are in accordance with God's word. And though persecution may bring lots of undeserved pain, it is not to be sought after. After all, as we choose not to follow the god of this time, he has the r

ight to have some grievance against God's children. He is hard enough on them wi thout any further assistance. Often we are very hard and unforgiving against our own kind. (Unnessary to say, I think that if we cannot forgive, how can God for give us? Not that forgiving means forgetting and going over and over into the sa me trap.... .) It is humility that helps to forgive. Knowledge of the own often deperately evil heart even within the best intentions. Knowing what any given I would be able a nd willing to do is deeply humiliating and only God's grace can compensate the f eeling of utter hopelessness of the condition of that I, And where God's forgive ness sets in, there forgiveness can be given. And there the knowledge of God, the experience of his presence can grow into hea lthy ground. His wonderful presence makes me humble too. Humbly admitting how mu ch I need it and how easily my scattered brain is driven away from it. Every dis turbance seems to brake it and too gladly I often answer every even unreasonable quest. Avoiding to face this inner self that is so unpleasant to meet. But it is there and it is this the master of the I, allowing maybe a little civi lised kindness to glace it. He who knows all, he knows those tendencies of my ow n heart. He knows my deepest shame and my highest hope, my brightest dream and m y most horrid deed. He knows this pig inside me, that throws dirt in all directi ons. That delights in its own dirt. And the dirt of any other. To reckognize it and to admit to it is the first step to break its mastery. To learn to bridle it is a step to break free. No, maybe it isn't gone, but I ma y not be as much his slave as I used to be. Being able to follow my Lords word. For there is this precious little bird as well in me. He would so love to fly hi gh, to fly into the eternal light. Unluckily enough, often the bird is caged up carefully while the swine are masters. This little bird seems to exist in all people. All are able of great beauty and depest depravity. Believers as well as non-believers. Sometimes it seems easier for non-believers, maybe because they don't question essentially the mastery of the swine in them. So they are able od a little beauty at ease. To be conscient, aware of that ruler inside is a big step towards finding God. For to man it is impossible to break that chain of slavery. Only God can do so. And even though i t may take years and years to grow out of bad habitudes. God could take them away in an instant, I know. But he doesn't. It would probabl y break us completely. This is more about growing and learning. A part will be f ree from slavery with God, but the earthly part will struggle along. And God has made us such. He allows this to be. So that all can come to repentan ce. That all are inexcusable who do not seek to come free from being slaves of e vil. Since mans fall from grace by his decision he is enslaved to the evil insid e. God has given man that freedom to rebell. So whatever man does, he is ultimat ely proving God right. If he uses his freedom to rebell against God he is giving grace to him as much as his faithful servant. Though with a different outcome f or this guy and that. As much as we'd like to, man is unable to break the chains of slavery by himself . This is a humbeling knowledge. Which is always the right position towards God. It is not for God's good but for ours, for teaching, learning, growing. We need to see mans evil side to be able to repent. So even our being evil reflects God 's goodness towards man. For without this knowledge none would ever be able to t urn. Paul wrote that mans ways are evil from youth on, only rebellious and against Go d's way. The child is born thus. And as it cannot learn about algebra all by him

self, so he cannot learn about God all by himself. As much as the child cannot a pply what he hasn't yet learned, so man cannot apply wisdom and righteousness to his life as long as he hasn't learned about them. It is pride, that makes us wa nt to be good all on our own. Like a child that pretends to know all and judge a ll without understanding, so man tries to be good without knowledge and understa nding. As Jesus said: Only God is good. Without God no goodness is possible, und erstandable, thinkable. This is hard on our pride. Even the best of man is not good without God. That ma y be a hard sentence to read or say. But we need the only good One to teach us w hat being good is. Man needs thre One who can save us from ignorance, stupidity and save us from the rule of the pig within. This, on the other hand, is very good news for those, who appreciate. God is wil ling and able to get us out, Jesus died for it. He gave it all so that we can ha ve some too. And it is for free. At least in the conventionel sense free. There is nothing a man can give for his redemtion that isn't given to him in the first place. But, like a child that would spend part of its allowance to get a birthd ay gift for the father or flowers for mothers day, so we give from what has been given to us. That is a great mystery and a wonderful thing to be able to give. Not to give ba ck. For there is nothing to give. Still, giving is the great secret to being hap py. To become a bit more like Jesus. To give. Not necessarily money. Strength, k indness, mercy, forgiveness, prayer. There are so many things to give. There are so many things we have been given. It is part of the priviledge of the child of God to be giving and forgiving. And , believe me, it is desperately needed. Both. People around need the living water that flows from a believer and as they don't understand. They need to be forgive n. Often both at the same time. Nothing new. For it is what god does to me and y ou. In our most desperate need we kick and scream to get the need met and often kick at just the one who comes to help, for he gets close enough to receive one of those kicks. The need is still there, and the kicking and screaming too. It needs much kindne ss and perseverance to go through. Like the hurt bear will hurt others in his pa in and fury, so is a man without God. He is in such deep need and pain, that he may hurt the one most who came to get him out. That is probably how Jesus died. It hurt so, it made people so angry, they couldn't help it. The more he revealed himself, the more they felt his power, the more they resented it and needed to get rid of it while clinging to it in deparation. Killing Jesus was their cry fo r help, humanities cry for help. We don'tr know how to love you. We cannot love God. We cannot love Jesus. For the evil inside will not let us. T he little bird in the cage my flutter in anticipation, but the pig will prevent it from reaching its goal. Because of the deep need we'd kill Jesus just the sam e. Because where the truth is, there our true nature surfaces. And while crying out in shame and pain the one who can help gets killed to make man feel good abo ut himself again. Close to God no man can feel good about himself. The light od God pierces the de pest recess of mans heart. It shows what he is made of. Getting close to God rev eals the hidden or apparent motives. As Paul says: Even where a man knows what i s right, he cannot do it and so proves the law to be right. Even where the spiri t or the mind is willing, the flesh stands against it and man fails misearbly, k nowing himself to be failing. For Paul again we cannot do, what we have come to know as being the right thing

to do. For in our flesh there is a law that stands against all that is good. And even knowing what I wish I could do, I am unable to do it. Even when I want to be good, which more often than not is not the case, I cannot. I cannot be as goo d as I like to be. Neither can you.