The Terse Guide to Eliminating Riding Pain, Perfecting Posture, and Building a Stronger Rider By Harrison Mullin

Legal Stuff
2011 by Harrison Mullin. This ebook is for personal use only. It is not intended to act as professional medical advice, nor should it be considered as such. Use your head, consult a doctor.

Table of Contents
1) Introduction: The Curious Rider- 5 2) The Purpose of this Guide- 8 3) A Culture of Slouching- 11 4) The Little Things Add Up- 18 5) Preparation- 25 6) Recovery- 37 7) Prevention- 57 8) The Posture Checklist- 74 9) Conclusion: The Strong Rider- 77 10) Resources- 79

Introduction: The Curious Rider

I wasn't interested in riding until I turned 19. I watched my brother ride for a while and, for whatever reason, never gave it much thought. I could'nt see the point of scalding in the sun, freezing my ass off in the winter, or blowing my leaf blowing money on riding gear. But as a younger brother who looked up to his elder, I knew there must be some truth to what he said. I listened attentively as he spoke of the fun he had riding and the peace that he found on two wheels. That was all well and good, but what got me going was the way that girls looked at him when he dismounted his mighty red plastic and metal steed. And I was sold. If riding a bike could get me chicks, I was all for it. So, in true gawking and plagiarizing younger brother fashion, I bought exactly the same model and year bike that my brother had. I quickly learned what riding meant to me, but I could not articulate it until I began my first snooty lit class: When I ride I do not direct the bike, it transports me. My body is helplessly exposed to the world while my head is encapsulated in a state of blissful purgatory. I am not anxious to be anywhere and I am not distracted by where I've come from: I am present.

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So why do I blather on and on about my erudite and possibly paraphiliac love of riding? Simply this: riding a motorcycle does not make much sense to me. It uses less fuel, sure, but buying new tires, oil filters, sprockets, chains, fork seals, and carb kits for it is stupidly expensive. We like to think that riding a bike is often cheaper than driving a car, but math --in my case at least-- says otherwise. If it is not cheaper, safer, or somehow more healthy to ride a bike, why do it? Because I think riding a motorcycle is amongst the most badass and enlightening things a human can do. There is, however, a price to be paid for those priveliges. It started in my shoulders, then to my back, and then to my butt. That undeniable, thrumming pain: numbness that tingles. For a while I thought it was a right of passage for riding and I became proud of the pain that riding inflicted on me. "Pain for pleasure" has a nice ring to it, but is just a troglodytic remnant. That masochistic crap will get you nowhere. A kid can only take so much before he gives himself an ultimatum: lose the bike or start funding a chiropractor's kid's college education. Fortunately, there is a middle ground. And as it turned out, I learned I could have my cake and eat it too. After a few years of research, sweat, frustration, and bruised hips, I achieved positive, lasting results. My back pain has all but disappeared, my everyday posture is fantastic, and I can ride for days on end.

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What follows is the result of a quest for comfort. And what I found along the way was that the path to comfort is paved with sexy posture. Enjoy.

The Purpose of this Guide

No Misunderstandings: Small and Simple Change
I will not try to convince you that eating only raw brussel sprouts and getting enemas of vapor distilled spring water from an undersea geyser is the only path to great posture and fantastic overall health. In fact, I have a real grudge against calls for healthy lifestyles from ladies with armpit hair and 420 doctors alike. It is not that I disagree with their intent (which I assume is to live a more fulfilling life through healthy eating and activity), but I don't see that they've made any real, positive impact. Americans still prefer to use two airline seats over one. And who wouldn't? Double the peanuts and ginger ale man... This guide is not going to slap you on the wrist for riding a cafe racer. You already know it is a pain in the ass to ride so I'm not going to reiterate what you know. The aim here is to maintain a healthy (or whatever) attachment to your bike while improving your ability to ride comfortably. I think we can all agree that riding is a major source of back pain. And it is likely that that pain comes from the mechanical pragmatism that defines the cafe racer style.

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Cafe racers favor exposed guts to crappy plastic or childish chrome shrouds. Parts come from the leftovers bin, and the drive to build your own bike using the rusted crap you found on Craigslist is the stuff politicians' wet dreams are made of. This can-do, personalized, Toncruising attitude produces a design that is refined and elegant beyond compare, and we should not let something idiotic like comfort or practicality change that. There is an apt quote from Death in the Afternoon in which Earnest Hemingway says this about bullfighting, though it could just as easily refer to cafe racing: ...(it) has always existed...in spite of them, and any steps to modify it, in an attempt to secure their approval, which it will never have, is a step towards its complete suppression. There will be no gems in this guide about what perfect height you should have your handlebars set at, or what ideal distance you should keep your pegs from the seat to achieve a comfortable knee-bend angle. I will not tell you that riding a cafe racer is bad for you and that you just need to tweak little things on the bike here and there and then voila! you will ride healthy. If you did all the things to your bike that would make it healthy, it would look more like a massage table than a BSA. This is about you --the rider-- not the bike. In these pages you will learn the targeted stretches that will loosen you up before the ride, the relaxing positions that will relieve tension and soreness after the ride, and the fool-proof exercises that will strengthen you in just the right places so you can ride longer still. Preparation, recovery, prevention. Bing, bang, boom.

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Along the way there may be moments when you think I am completely full of it and that there is no way these techniques can work. I get that because I have been there. I used to think that my back pain and slouchy posture was the price I paid for being a desk jockey and riding all the time. But now I know that it is much simpler than that. As it turns out, mending back pain and perfecting posture is a highly economical task. None of the things necessary to doing these require you to leave the house. In fact, as you will learn, leaving the house to relieve back pain and get stronger is a stupid idea for most people. Only one piece of this guide will cost you money (less than $15) and the rest of it is completely free. One final thing: each chapter in this guide stands on its own. This means the systems laid out in the Preparation, Recovery, and Prevention chapters work well solo, but are most effective when used in tandem. Start with the section that most interests you, then go back and bring them all together.

A Culture of Slouching
Disparaging A Degrading Habit Human's

In the United States, few stand tall. If you work in an office setting, think of your colleagues at their desks. How are they seated? The chances are great that most are hunched like Igor: they are slouched forward, their backs contorted into an exaggerated S curve. Their feet are probably not flat on the floor, or if they are, their knees are higher than their hips, further deepening their forward slouch. Even thinking of this posture makes me uncomfortable and my back reflexively straigthens just to counteract this angsty thought. The effects of the slouching habit --in both sitting and standing-- becomes obvsiou when on the motorcycle. If you are like an average American Joe/Jane then you will feel the effects of that slouching on your rides. On one hand we expect some discomfort from riding: the position of the pegs, seat, and handlebars are awkward after all. But this does not mean it is only the bike that is producing the discomfort.

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It is entirely possible that our propensity for slouching in daily life exacerbates the pain we feel after a ride. Therefore it is vital to mend daily posture before any building good riding posture. It is very easy to have bad posture, and unfortunately it is often more comfortable --at least in the beginning-- to sit/stand with bad posture than it is to sit/stand with good posture. Yet chronic slouching will lead to worse back, neck, and shoulder pain than the momentary discomfort of training yourself to use good posture. If you are like most people this means the first few minutes of sitting with good posture is going to be pretty uncomfortable and soon you may slip back to your old, slouchy ways. But if you can get past that discomfort you will be able to keep up good posture long term. Good posture is addictive.

The difference between good and bad posture: Proof and pudding.
It is strange that sitting with good posture should be uncomfortable, but it is important to distinguish between the discomfort of slouching and the discomfort of training yourself good pasture. The pain you feel from slouching is your spine and joints telling you that this is not the best way of doing things. Conversely, the discomfort you feel from sitting properly is mostly muscle fatigue and not from your stiffer innards. Bones are rather unyielding. Muscle on the other hand is quite malleable.

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This is a good thing for two reasons. First, it means that your bones (spine, shoulder joints, neck, etc.) are difficult to permanently damage through bad posture. Second, because it is muscle that most affects the position of your spine and rotation of your joints, you can teach these muscles to support your skeletal structure properly. So why is it bad to slouch anyway? Aside from the obvious discomfort, there are quite a few good reasons. The following are my favorites: 1. Slouching slowly collapses the spine on itself. The compression of your spine means you will become significantly less flexible in everything from reaching into the fridge to touching your toes. Not to mention you'll look shorter because, you know, you actually ARE shorter when you slouch. Sit up straight. 2. Slouching compresses your organs against one another. When the spine presses down on itself, the organs attached to the skeletal frame have to follow. This means our lungs end up hobnobbing with our spleens. I'm exaggerating obviously, but just lean back in your chair for a moment and breathe in deeply through your nose. Because your lungs can expand and contract without extra resistance, you can breath much freer. Nice. Sit up straighter. 3. Slouching is not sexy. When someone slouches it makes him/her small in all the wrong places and huge where he doesn't want to. Shoulders that roll forward make a man look less imposing and a woman appear to have a less healthy chest; hips that cantilever backward produce a larger waist for both sexes; necks that lean forward leave all of us with a prime view of the ground 5 feet in front of us. Are you sitting up straight yet?

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Brangelina goes for a walk

The impact of slouching on our culture is easy to observe. Most men walk around with their heads hung low in an almost dejected manner, too afraid to make eye contact because when you are looking at the ground it is hard to think of anyone but yourself. Most women walk around looking way more boxy than they intend, and also too afraid to make eye contact for fear of breaking their self absorbed repose. I don't think this is unfair to either sex. You can see this for yourself on a daily basis. I used to get a little down when I thought about how much of a downer everyone else looked one of my more joyful periods to be sure. But that self destructive ennui was swept away when I caught site of them. They were like Brad and Angelina gliding down the sidewalk without a care in their sexy world. Their shoulders lightly pushed down and slightly back, their spines as straight as an arrow, and their necks up, yet relaxed, like a carefree giraffe. What a site. Truth be told I'm sure they were just an ordinary looking couple, but because of the way they carried themselves they became the most attractive bipeds I've seen to date. What this meant to me was that the attitude and execution of good posture are reciprocal, and that one can be used to build on the other.

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It became apparent that simply believing I had good posture was often enough to make me walk upright. Try this exercise: go for a walk, wherever you like, and purposefully slouch. How does that make you feel? Now switch it up and walk like Steve McQueen if you are a man or Charlize Theron if you are a woman. Lightly push your shoulders down and back slightly, tighten your stomach just a bit, push out your chest like you are a dominant Silverback (you too ladies), and raise your nose like you're haughtily dismissing pleasant greetings from the plebeians. You may feel dorky or snobby doing this, but it feels so good physically that it spills over into your mental health. This is where the reciprocity of good posture attitude and execution comes into play.

Pens and posture

Recognize why you want good posture. By that I mean actually sit down (and by that I mean sit up straight) and write down WITH PEN AND PAPER why you want to have good posture. Do you want to relieve back and neck pain? Do you want to be a bit more limber so you can hit baseballs farther? Do you just want to ride with less pain? Or do you want to be perceived as a more virile and confident individual? Your goals can be totally unrelated to having better riding posture, for as you will find out yourself, upping your everyday posture game will carry over into your riding stature.

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Simply writing these goals down will help solidify them in your mind and provides impetus to stick to the routines in this guide. These routines will help you achieve these goals quickly. Don't be shy or lie to yourself: if you want good posture so you can be bootylicious, write it down. No one will read this but you. Once it is on paper it becomes more real and not just a fleeting idea or something you should do but will never get around to doing. By following the routines in the following chapters you will have significantly improved everyday posture and before you know it your riding posture will follow suit; a healthy posture that you will tweak on your own, just for yourself. But more on that later. For the full rundown of good posture and how to maintain it throughout the day, see The Posture Checklist. So that is the the mental side of good posture. What about the physical? How can we ensure that we have the physical goods that bring the mental posture game to life? First, we have to take a step back and look at how two modern habits have devolved you.

The Little Things Add Up. Or, How to Reset your Exercise Education
The Curiously Adverse Effects of Common Footwear (And Why you Still Need Them)
It is not only our sitting habit or how we sit that is the problem: it is also our shoes. Most in the working world spend their days sporting shoes with a raised heel. It doesn't matter if they are working girl's stilettos or a 1 inch heel on some steel toe boots: no matter what way you slice it heels are bad for your back. When the foot is elevated at the heel the rest of the body wants to lean forward. To counteract this lean, the lower back arches, pushing the hips backward slightly and the waist forward.

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You must be glowing because you now look 3 months pregnant thanks to that false potbelly. Well the shoulders don't want to stay leaning far backward so they roll forward a bit while the neck and head lean forward farther still. Wearing heeled shoes is a really confusing thing for the body to deal with, so it compensates by making you look like you are constantly walking down a slope on level ground. That is a lot of words to describe wearing heels, so that imagery needs some visual reinforcement. Put on your boots/stilettos and look at your profile in a mirror. Pull your shirt up a bit if you need to so you can really see what your spine is doing. Notice that even when you purposefully stand tall you still can't stand very straight. That is the nature of elevated heels. Now take 'em off and stand barefoot. This time, gently force yourself to stand straight in profile. You will notice a markedly straighter posture. You may have heard of barefoot runners, a group of people notorious for maintaining a "natural" running posture. While I am not one to run around my town exposing myself to hookworms, I believe their mantra has validity: the closer and flatter your feet are to the ground, the straighter you stand and the more comfortable your back will stay. You should make that call for yourself, but in my experience I have eliminated the bulk of my lower back pain simply by not wearing my boots as often. I understand the importance of wearing boots while I am riding, which is why I still do. But I don't need serious foot protection when I am around the house so I don't wear my boots then.

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This means you can heal your back a bit by not wearing heels which will help prepare it to withstand riding a bit longer. Don't change what you love, change how you do a few other things so you can do more of what you love: riding.

The Futility of Physical Education and How I Learned to Love the Couch
Improper sitting and improper shoes are likely the cause of most of our back pain, but there are a couple of other things that can add to the discomfort. Wearing uncomfortable shoes and sitting improperly are rather passive activities that lead to back pain, but these next two are active mistakes. Most of us in this country have memories of phys ed in middle school and high school, and I will be so bold as to say that they are not great memories for many. How crappy I was/am at basketball aside, it is important to not beat ourselves up with these memories for but one reason: almost everything we were taught in phys ed was, and continues to be, not based in reality. That is a bold statement but I will back it up with some experiences that you can recreate and observe for yourself.

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Take stretching for example. Most of the time in phys ed we stretched for no reason at all. Do you really think you were going to tear a muscle going for a layup so you could impress "Jenny"? I doubt it. I contend that because you were aware that you had stretched --and that it somehow made you safer-- you felt more comfortable putting your body under great strain, thereby increasing your chances of pulling a muscle that you had previously warmed up via stretching and other light duty exercise. Consider this: it has been shown that gymnasts who know there is substantial padding beneath them will dismount with greater impact than those who know there is minimal padding below. To this end, stretching can do more harm than good. A similar thought process can be applied to exercise. My favorite form of exercise is lifting weights, so I will limit this discussion to that rather than organized sports. Technically, if I lift a 10 pound weight 100 times, that is equivalent to moving a 1000 pound weight once. That makes me one strong dude. Amazing! Step aside Hercules and mothers of children trapped under cars, there's a new muscle sheriff in town! But what does it matter? Just because my muscle operated under a quantifiable load does not mean it will grow quickly as a response. It is foolish to believe that just using my muscle repeatedly will make it stronger fast. To do that, you have to work smarter and harder. Muscle grows most rapidly when it is pushed to its limits within its natural range at a constant rate for a very brief period, and then is provided with the fuel to propagate while given ample rest.

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That is a fancy way of saying I have to push my biceps to their limit then gorge myself while I lounge on the couch and watch Seinfeld reruns. That is not a theory, and to enlighten the reader of that I recommend studying the works of Dr. Ellington Darden, Ph.D. Et al., especially those based on experiences with Arthur Jones of Nautilus fame. It is upon these foundations and my own experience with muscular growth that much of this guide's exercise recommendations are based. I understand these comments will not be met with tea and crumpets by all, but I hope the reader will at least follow my thought process, even if he is in disbelief. The purpose of this rage against exercise-at-large is to put you in a similar questioning mindset. I want you to follow me into the state of mind where strength training for cafe racing is actually extremely simple and not time consuming, and that it is vital to see that common, complex answers to simple exercise questions are not based on real world results. What this all means is that the exercise you did to alleviate back pain from riding that hasn't made much difference is possibly based on the false paradigms of high school phys ed theory. This is not your fault: we were all spoon fed the same useless information, but it takes an easily frustrated and kill-joy personality to look to the fringe for solutions. Trust me, if I was a fighter pilot my callsign would be "Buzzkill". Ordinary answers to ordinary problems will produce ordinary results. What we need then are extraordinary answers which produce

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extraordinary results. Back pain and bad posture are ordinary problems, so let's get to the extraordinary answers.

Preparation, Recovery, Prevention Forward disclaimer:

and

All the following stretches, exercises, and relaxation postures are purposeful and target the spine and its ancillary physiology. When completed properly they will improve the range of the spine and drastically improve overall back, neck, and shoulder comfort. There are no frivolous elements to the stretches, exercises, or relaxation postures in the chapters that follow. All have been honed to the point of maximum output for the least amount of input (in this case, output is comfort and input is time multiplied by energy plus how much of a pain in the ass it is to remember to complete them). The movements listed in Preparation have been selected from 93 movements that I have tested over the years. Of those 93, 13 produced noticeable results. Of those 13, 5 produced results significant and consistent enough to justify the minimal effort required to complete them.

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Follow them to the letter and you will ride with minimal tension and discomfort. The positions and postures listed in Recovery were selected from about 400 hours of phyisical therapy research and self experimentation. Follow them to the letter and you will recover from a ride in less than 15 minutes and get a boost for whatever may face you the rest of the day. The exercises listed in Prevention were chosen for their efficiency, safety, ease of execution, and bang for the buck. I have logged time with 207 different exercises in pursuit of those that meet these criteria. The 4 exercises listed in this chapter pass with flying colors. Follow them to the letter and you will be well prepared for your next ride and the stressors of extended sitting. All three chapters will produce noticeable gains in your level of back, neck, and shoulder comfort. Consistent application (precise schedules and routines will be provided) of the movements in these chapters will train your spine, neck, and shoulders to stay in optimal position. This will mitigate future back pain and drastically improve your posture without constant mental input. I cannot stress this next bit enough: DO NOT ADD MORE TO WHAT IS LISTED IN THESE CHAPTERS. Resist the temptation to do more exercise at all costs as this will only impede your progress. If someone suggests adding XYZ to these routines, politely run in the opposite direction. Well intentioned though they may be, their suggestions will only complicate things. The information in this guide is as straightforward, efficient and effective as possible. Do not burden yourself with more labor or slow your progress with others' help.

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In each chapter, a general summary of each exercise/movement/ stretch will be given, followed by photo and written instructions of how to perform each activity, then a precise and simple routine for you to follow which provides the maximum amount of benefit for the least amount of effort. Please do not perform any activity until you have thoroughly observed its photo description. I also recommend that you consult a doctor/ shaman/witch doctor/yoga instructor before performing any of these movements. Let's not make things worse, people.

Preparation
The Rundown
Prepping yourself for a healthy ride starts long before you start. While a balanced breakfast and a brisk shower are integral to this, our focus will be on prepping our muscles. A lot of day to day back pain can be healed in our sleep. Sleeping soundly on your back the whole night through is a surefire way to keep the spine and neck aligned in a healing position. Unfortunately, I toss and turn like an 8 month old in utero, so any chance of getting these healing benefits is slim and ultimately means I am stiffest first thing in the morning. Fortunately there are a number of things that can fix this. The goal of preparing for the ride is twofold: to stretch and to warm up. Remember: this is the morning. Everything done here is being performed on cold muscles and joints that haven't moved for 7 or so hours. Normal methods of stretching and warming up can be too violent and do more harm than good, especially at this time of day. Instead of intense stretches, these are gentle. Instead of trying to warm up muscles using internal heat created by running around (and breaking a sweat before having coffee), we will use an external source to go from the outside in.

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Consider the uselessness of most phys ed techniques designed to do this and the techniques below will make sense. You may want to perform the following movements in private because they look hilarious. First up is a brief rundown of the routine. Photo and written instructions follow.

Cobra!
First I hit the floor for some super cobras. This is to gently loosen up the backward and forward motion of the spine. This is also an abdominal stretch, so be gentle. Now I get up off the floor and perform what I like to call The Slump. I learned this move from an erudite acting class. I failed to discover the inner actor. But it did show me some great moves which you'll see sprinkled throughout the guide. I stand and then, basically, lightly force each vertebrae (a single bone of the spine) to roll onto its underfloor neighbor while my arms hang loose and nearly touch the ground. The point of this exercise is to further loosen the forward motion of the spine. When at the bottom, it helps to jiggle and swing the arms a bit to loosen things up further. Next it is time for a little self-massage. Muscles work best when they are warm, so it is time to get some heat into the area that causes much of our back, neck and shoulder tension. The jaw. Most of us don't think of how much tension we carry in our jaws. Whether it is from forcing smiles at coworkers' baby pictures or

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gritting teeth at parents who let their kids scream it out on planes. No matter what way you slice it, loosening up the jaw will keep your neck, and consequently your spine, happy. I start things out by chewing an imaginary mouth full of gum. This will eliminate the clicks and clacks of a night on a crappy futon. Next I need to actually get some heat on that mandible, so I Mr. Miyagi my jawline to get things loose, then perform some relaxing jaw massages with my thumbs. At this point the jaw is relaxed and will remain loose for hours. This keeps tension from building at the jaw. With less tension in your jaw, you are less likely to tense the upper portion of the spine. These little things add up, so don't forget to focus on the moneymaker. Next up is the hips. There is a collection of muscles on the upper part of the inner thigh called the hip flexors. This series of muscles perform one very important job: to pull your knees up and keep you bipedal. The gravity of that task should be not overlooked. Unfortunately the hip flexors get tight very quickly, much like the jaw, so it is imperative that you stretch them often. Because their job is to perform one job only (lift the knees for walking), tight hip flexors will actually restrict greater leg extension. Well, a lot of leg extension is precisely what is needed on a ride. Because the foot peg distance from the saddle is typically short on most cafe bikes, the rider's knees are pushed higher than they would be in a normal sitting position. Keeping your hip flexors loose will go a long way toward keeping hip pain and subsequent lower back pain at bay. Hip flexor stretches should not only be performed in preparation for a ride, but also for recovery and just before prevention. More on that later.

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At this point the spine is relaxed, the hips are loose, the neck feels like it's on a swivel, and the shoulders are loose. In total, this morning stretching/warm-up routine takes less than 4 minutes. I like the way it feels so much that I do it nearly every morning regardless of the day's plans. To answer your question: No, I normally do not exercise in jeans and v neck sweaters. Carry on.

How to Prepare
Cobra
Super Cobra 1. Stand with a wide stance, about 6 inches beyond shoulder width on either side. Feet pointed straight forward. 2. Lower yourself to your knees while maintaining the same space between your feet. Keep the balls of your feet planted. 3. Place your right hand directly under your right shoulder and the left under the left. Angle hands out a bit. Next, move your right hand out 10 inches to the right. From that point, move it forward 10 inches. Do the same with the left. 4. Push your butt up. Move until your hips are as high as possible. Straighten your arms and lock your elbows. Straighten your legs and

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nearly lock your knees. Keep you feet as flat on the floor as possible (photo 1). 5. Lower your hips to the floor. This should take 5 seconds. 6. Tilt your head back slightly and push your hips to the floor (photo 2). 7. Return your hips to the start position and repeat. *1 full cycle equals hips at the start point, then the return to the start point.

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Twisted Cobra 1. Lower the hips to the lowest point in normal fashion. 2. Slowly twist your upper body to the left and hold for three seconds (photo 1). 3. Repeat on right side (photo 2). 4. Return to center 5. Raise the hips as per normal. *1 full cycle equals hips at the start point, then the return to the start point.

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The Slump
1. Stand with your feet pointed forward, shoulder width apart. Let your arms hang loosely and keep a moderate bend in your knees.

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2. Roll your chin forward to your chest. Roll your shoulders forward. You will now be starting to hunch (photo 1). 3. Carefully curl your neck farther downward while keeping your shoulders pulled together. Continue curling forward slowly. Imagine that each vertebrae is curling forward like a sleeping back. Be deliberate and keep this image in your head (photo 2). 4. Lower until your hands nearly touch the floor. Do not force your hands to the floor. This is not a stretch; it is just an extension (photo 3). 5. Slowly uncurl yourself. Maintain the deliberate movement of moving one vertebrae at a time. Continue until your spine is straight 6. Now, place your hands behind your head and press your head back into your hands with your neck muscles until you are leaned back slightly at the waist (photo 4). 7. Hold for 5 seconds 8. Slowly return to normal stance. *1 full cycle equals starting at normal, to lower position, to backward stretched position, and back to normal stance.

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Gum Chewer
1. Stand in front of the mirror so you can laugh at yourself 2. Imagine you have a massive mouthful of gum.

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3. Slowly and deliberately chew that imaginary gum, rotating the lower jaw clockwise 10 times followed by 10 counterclockwise movements. *1 full cycle equals 10 clockwise lower jaw rotations followed by 10 counterclockwise rotations. *** If you want to take this exercise a step further, do some tongue exercises. Curl the tip of your tongue backwards and press the underside of the tongue to the roof of your mouth 10 times. Now curl the tip of your tongue under itself and press the top of the tongue's tip to the inside of your bottom front teeth. Do this 10 times. Now you can yak for hours without fear of straining something.

Jaw Massage
1. Place your open palms on either side of your head so that your ears are in the U shape between your thumb and pointer finger. Your palms should now be right over the main jaw muscle (the masseter) (photo 1). 2. Rub vigorously up and down for 10 seconds. Your hands should move over the skin and not force the skin to move over the muscle. 3. Now find the slight divot in your jaw bone that the masseter covers. This is the area we want to target with our thumb massage. Place your thumbs directly under your ear lobes, then glide them forward toward your nose. As soon as they hit the jawline they will be guided directly into this divot. Press in lightly with your thumbs (photo 2).

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4. Press with a moderate amount of force on the masseter divot with your thumbs and rub clockwise 10 times. Repeat with 10 counterclockwise motions. *1 full cycle equals 10 clockwise motions and 10 counterclockwise motions.

***This is a great massage to perform throughout the day. Jaws get tight quickly and once you've loosened it up you'll know how great it feels to keep it that way.

Hip Flexor Stretch

1. Mimic the position below. Really lean forward into it and you will feel the stretch on your inner thigh (in this case, the right one). 2. Repeat on the opposite side.

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*1 full cycle equals 30 seconds on each side (1 min. total).

The Preparation Routine

Throughout this entire routine keep your breathing even and deep. Consciously inhale through the nose for 5 seconds, hold for 1 second at the top, and exhale through the nose for 5 seconds. It helps to audibly exhale (no grunting). Do not pause at the bottom end of a breath (i.e. when you have fully exhaled).

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1. Cobra: 2 full cycles of straight Super Cobra, 2 full cycles of Twisted Cobra 2. The Slump: 3 full cycles. At bottom of 3rd cycle, wiggle hips slightly to loosen shoulders. 3. Gum Chewer: 1 full cycle 4. Jaw Massage: 2 full cycles. Repeat as necessary throughout the day. 5. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle. Repeat as necessary.

Recovery
Self Myofascial Release and the Art of Self Massage
DO NOT USE THESE MOVEMENTS ON OVERTLY SENSITIVE AREAS, PARTICULARLY THOSE THAT ARE STILL RECOVERING FROM INJURY. When performed properly, these movements place pressure on your joints, muscles, tendons, and ligaments with the same intensity of a deep massage. Remember: you are in control of how much pressure you apply to an area, so don't push it. If it hurts, don't do it. Self Myofascial Release (SMR) is an extremely simple and effective tool to immediately relieve muscle tension and improve muscle pliability. This makes it the ideal first stop in relieving the tension you accumulated while riding. SMR can be performed with a number of implements. While foam rollers of different densities, medicine balls of different sizes, and flexible plastic sticks are common choices, we will be using the crude and incredibly effective tennis ball.

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The Rundown
The first stop on the Recovery Routine is the hips. It is common to get a dead butt after riding thanks to constant and uneven pressure. In my case, I put uneven pressure on my glutes (gluteus maximus, medius, and minoris) because of my bad seated posture. Rather than slumping forward, I would usually collapse to the right, curving my spine in a U shape to the right. Also, I had a habit of standing with my left foot farther ahead of my right. This meant that over time my left hip was always ahead of the right. Both of these put a lot of pressure on my right cheek which meant it was the first to go dead on a ride. Not comfy. Because of this unevenness I also developed a lot of tension in my glutes: both in my left from trying to counteract that lean and in the right from trying to rearrange my position. By doing this I only made things go from bad to worse. Fortunately there is a simple SMR remedy and a couple stretches to fix this problem. Using the simple tennis ball, we can massage our hip muscles and regain hip flexibility while relieving tension. We will also use the tennis ball to relieve some tension in the shoulder muscles and joints. A lot of pressure is placed on the shoulders after a ride of leaning forward on them. Most of that tension actually is based in the back of the shoulders (posterior deltoids) due to the full arm extension common in cafe riding, thus that is the place that we will target.

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How to Recover
SMR with a tennis ball
This particular SMR movement targets a small internal hip muscle called the piriformis. The piriformis is a small muscle in the hips which aids in hip rotation. Pain in this muscle is often associated with sciatica and similar nerve discomfort. Targeted massage on this particularly tiny muscle greatly reduces hip tension and discomfort. 1. Get your tennis ball and some clear, flat floor space 2. Find the most sensitive area on your hips by lightly digging with your knuckles. In my case this was almost solely on my right cheek. 3. Hover over the tennis ball (photo 1). 4. Place the tennis ball directly under the sensitive area and lower the affected area lightly on top of the ball. Find a comfortable level of pressure (photo 2). 5. Slowly rotate your hips in tiny circles while maintaining even pressure on the spot. 6. Continue rotating for 15 seconds then repeat on opposite side even if that side is unaffected.

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7. Repeat this routine over any other sensitive hip areas. Be sure to dig a little with your knuckles to find them all. *1 full cycle equals 15 seconds of rotation on each side (30 seconds total).

2 ***Some tips: Only increase the amount of pressure on a sensitive area after a few massage sessions. These are muscles which you have probably never massaged before and they will be very sensitive to bruising.

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Hip Extension
1. Lie on your back, knees together, and bring your heels 8 inches away from your butt. 2. Wrap your hands around your right knee and pull it toward your chest (photo 1). 3. Slowly press with your left foot, pressing from the heel. Keep your right knee as close to your chest as possible. 4. Raise your hips as high as you can then slowly lower your hips back to the ground (photo 2). 5. Repeat at least 15 times, then switch sides and do it with your left knee to your chest. *1 full cycle equals 15 hip raises on each side (30 hip raises total).

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2 ***Note: it is likely you will hear some little pops while you are stretching. This is fine and is a great way to gross out anyone that acts like a 12 year old girl.

Hip Stretch
1. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and drop to your knees. 2. Place your hands in front of you: about 10 inches in front your knees and a couple inches to either side (photo 1). 3. Slide your right knee back until it is beyond your left foot (photo 2). 4. Bring your left heel in front of your right knee and press against your left heel a bit with your right knee (photo 3). 5. Slowly lower yourself to the left and feel the stretch on your outer left hip (photo 4). 6. Lower as far as you comfortably can and hold for 5 seconds (photo 5).

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7. Bring your hips slowly back to center then lower again for 10 seconds. 8. Return to center. Repeat process on opposite side *1 full cycle equals 15 total seconds of stretching on each side (30 seconds total).

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SMR Shoulders
1. Hold the tennis ball against the wall at shoulder height (photo 1). 2. Press the back of the right shoulder (posterior deltoid) into the tennis ball (photo 2). 3. Slowly rotate with comfortable pressure for 20 seconds. 4. Repeat on left shoulder *1 full cycle equals 20 seconds of rotation on each side (40 seconds total)

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Back Stretch
This is another stretch from that stupid acting class. I call it The Rack (I really hated that class) and it goes like this: 1. Sit against a wall (stay away from picture frames and patchy spackling) and press your back as flatly against the wall as possible. The deeper the bend in your knees, the easier this will be. *It may be difficult to get your back truly flat against the wall. In this case it is more important to get the mid and upper back flat to the wall, so if it helps, push your hips away from the wall. This will force your mid and upper back flat against the wall. 2. Place your hands over your head to form a diamond shape (photo 1). 3. Slowly raise and straighten your arms over your head and bring your hands together. Your arms and hands should stay flat against the wall throughout the motion (photo 2). 4. Now lower them so that your upper arms (triceps) press against your sides (photo 3). *1 full cycle equals 1 full motion: arms at start, stretched overhead, then down to your sides.

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Besides SMR and stretches, there is one other item to add to your recovery routine.

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Breathing
It sounds simple and it really is, but like proper posture, proper breathing is tough to remember. It is helpful to check yourself throughout the day. If you find that you are not in a clear state of mind, take a couple seconds to hit the breathing reset button. Most people (myself included) take very shallow breaths. In and out through the nose, only taking in enough air to slightly expand the chest. While this method provides enough oxygen to the bloodstream to prevent brain damage, it is another source of tension in your body. Adjust your breathing situation and you will be less tense all over. You could of course take slow, deep breaths all day (10 seconds in, 10 seconds out), but that takes a surprising amount of mental energy. So instead of that, follow the theme of this guide and just use the quick and dirty fixes to set yourself right so you can go about your day like normal. The particular breathing technique that has given me massive relaxation benefit in 10 seconds flat is called the Three Part breath (or dirga pranayama if you prefer). It works like this: 1. Inhale deeply (through your nose), filling your belly. 2. Relax your rib cage and fill that with air (imagine stacking air starting with your belly). 3. Fill your upper chest cavity with air. 4. Exhale (through your mouth) in the reverse order: upper chest, chest, belly. Ahhhhh.

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You don't need to do this throughout the day, but 2 or 3 Three Part breaths will relax you like valium from a Pez dispenser.

The Recovery Routine, Part 1

As in the Preparation routine, keep some focus on your breathing throughout the Recovery routine: slow and steady, smooth and even. Perform this routine after every ride so you can relax your tense muscles while they are still warm. 1. Three Part Breath: 2 breaths 2. Hip Extension: 1 full cycle 3. Hip stretch: 2 full cycles 4. Hip SMR with tennis ball: 1 full cycle 5. Shoulder SMR with tennis ball: 1 full cycle 6. The Rack: 4 full cycles 7. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle (30 sec. each side. Refer to Preparation for photos)

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Recovery: Continued. How to Eliminate Lower and Mid Back Pain in 10 Minutes. The Rundown
The following movements (they are mostly static) are drawn from a form of physical therapy called the Egoscue Method. Clinics which specialize in this form of therapy are pricey, but the benefits are enormous. For the sake of this guide, only the most effective movements are shown. I sit alot. All told I sit for about 9 hours a day. This sucks, but I have learned that breaking up these long sit sessions with some Egoscue lets me sit for days on end. Thus, the Egoscue method is perfect for our purposes: it is simple and provides actual healing which allows us to continue riding.

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Static Back
1. Get a block, table, or chair that you can rest your lower legs on flatly. The block's height should be about equal to the length of your upper legs. 2. Lie flat on your back with your lower legs resting flat on the block. Press your butt against the block so you mimic the position below. If your lower back is curved a bit, that is okay. This position will slowly relax it and soon it will be flat against the floor. 3. Rest your arms flat on the ground, palms up, at about 9:30 and 3:30 on the face of a clock. 4. Stay in this position for at least 5 minutes. The longer the better, so it is up to you. I like to take naps in this position because when I wake up my back pain disappears for over a day. *1 full cycle is 5 minutes minimum

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Static Back Pullovers

1. Stay in the same position as above. 2. Bring your hands together over your face (photo 1). 3. Slowly lower your arms (elbows locked) to the floor above your head. You will feel a moderate stretch in your upper back. It is vital that you keep your elbows locked, so if you can't touch the floor yet, don't worry about it (photo 2). *1 full cycle is 25 lowers to the floor

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Pillow Pinchers
1. Lie on your back. Feet flat on the floor, heels about 10 inches from your butt. Feet must pointing straight or even pointed inward a bit. 2. Place a cushion (about 5 inches thick) between your knees and pinch it place with your knees (photo 1). 3. Lift your hips as high as possible. Now increase the pinching tension on the cushion and hold for 2 seconds. Repeat that pinching about 30 times (photo 2). 4. Keep the cushion in place. Raise your hips high and then lower your butt to the floor slowly. Keep tension on the cushion. Repeat 15 times (alternate between photo 1 and 2). *1 full cycle is 30 pinches on the floor plus 15 pinched hip raises.

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Static Extension on Elbows

1. Get on the floor on your hands and knees, hips over your knees and shoulders over your hands (photo 1). 2. Move your hands about 8 inches forward, then put your elbows in those exact spots (photo 2 and 3). 3. Make your hands into fists and do a thumbs up. Then lightly point your thumbs away from each other. 4. Push your hips back a bit until you have a small arch in your lower back (photo 4). 5. Relax your neck and let your head drop. 6. Hold for 1 minute *1 full cycle is 1 minute

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4 ***This is the Egoscue money move. 1 minute of this is as good as 20 minutes in a hot tub.

The Recovery Routine, Part 2

I highly suggest doing these moves every day, regardless of riding. In fact I highly suggest you get every member of your family to do these because it feels so good. In any event, do the following routine for every 2 hours you spend seated or in the saddle and most back pain will stay at bay. 1. Static Back: 1 full cycle (or nap) 2. Static Back Pullovers: 1 full cycle 3. Pillow Pinchers: 1 full cycle 4. Static Extension on Elbows: 1 full cycle

Prevention
The Rundown
Up until now the focus has been on relieving the tension that comes from riding, but now is the time to nip that tension in the bud. What follows is the most important chapter in this guide. In the chapter The Little Things Add Up I yammered on and on ad nauseum about how your gym teacher lied to you, how everything you know about exercise is wrong, to kill your television blah blah blah. The purpose of that rant was just for this chapter. In it I hope to dispel the myth that exercise is time consuming and complicated once and for all. First, some housecleaning: I want you to stop exercising. If you like jumping jacks, stop that. If you like basketball, go nuts. Exercise --and more specifically, strength training-- should never interfere with your favorite sport or activity. This means you should never be unable to play basketball because you worked out your calves too much in an attempt to get a higher vertical leap just for basketball. For the sake of this guide, consider riding to be your favorite sport. This means that whatever exercise routine we undertake should benefit that sport and should never interfere with it.

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If any exercise impedes my ability to enjoy something else I really like, that exercise does not belong on my list. It could be the most effective exercise in the world (seriously heavy squat programs come to mind), but because those would make me walk like a zombie with hemorrhoids, heavy squats have no place on this list. We all know zombies can't ride Nortons. Exercise should be elegant. That means it must be simple, ruthlessly effective, and --to me at least-- should not be enjoyable. I want to enjoy the results of my exercise, not the act of exercising. Deluding yourself into loving the gym environment for its social opportunities is the straightest path to wasting time, so let's nip that in the bud and work out at home. There are a number of excellent reasons to do that. 1. A lot of the time wasted in common exercise lies in getting to where you will exercise. Ditch that commute and replace it with the complete routine below. What a time saver. 2. Working out in gyms is an expensive way to gab with strangers. Chatting with your fellow meat heads over a refreshing bottle of vanilla protein powder while trying to achieve the over-hyped and orgasmic "pump" will earn you gym cred and 1 less hour that you could have spent riding. 3. Working out around other people --especially in a gym rank with people with propensities for audibly giving birth to each repetition-will inevitbly lead to "friendly advice" that will only serve to impede your progress. I have followed the latest and greatest tips for years and gotten as far forward as 2 steps back.

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For our purposes, there is no need to leave the house to strength train because the most effective exercises are dirt cheap and stupidly simple. Simple, elegant exercises don't require fancy equipment, thus there is no need to leave home. Let's get to it.

Start at the Back

Every muscle on the backside of your body is included in the posterior chain, from your calves to your trapezius. When riding cafe, you have to lean forward a bit. Most of the time this doesn't actually mean hunching over: it means sitting with a rather straight back while cantilevered forward at the waist. This means two things: 1. Your waist is effectively sliding ahead of your hips, creating an uncomfortable arching in the lower back. 2. Your arms are nearly locked in an attempt to maintain this upright position. This is the natural state of things when cafe racing and to change that would be to no longer cafe race. So, grow those muscles to better handle this stressful position. You are not going to change the shape of your bike, so change the shape of your muscles.

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How to Prevent
The Prevention Routine targets the areas of the posterior chain inextricably linked to riding cafe: the hips and waist, the center back, the neck and the shoulders. Performing the routine will be blindingly simple. It is the rest period that you need to be mindful of. Rest is vital to gaining strength, so there will be a fair number of days between performing the routine. During your days off it is imperative that you avoid other hard exercise (that includes running) because your muscles need all the leisure they can get to rematerialize stronger than they were before. Follow the Prevention Routine to the letter and you will be right on target.

The Glutes and Lower Back

The best part of the female anatomy is a tricky thing to get right. While we don't need to be bootylicious to ride comfortably, giving the butt some shape will go a long way toward doing that. What's more, increasing glute strength will ward off numbness and the ever lurking "dead butt" that can quickly kill the mood. Lower back strength is integral to butt prowess. A stong lower back will help keep your hips and glutes in place. Stationary hips are a good thing because that will prevent unnecessary strain on the back, the base of which is of course right at the hips. In addition --in my case at

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least-- the lower back is often the first thing to fatigue on a ride, so a strong lower back is going to let me ride that much longer. So soft butts and weak lower backs are bad news, not only for riding but for looking sexy in general. Luckily for us, there is a way to kill both these birds with one kick ass stone. The single best home exercise for strengthening the glutes and lower back in one fell swoop is the vertical hip extension (or more crassly known as the Air Hump). It is a favorite of many an aspiring hip hop back-up dancer whose livelihood may one day be determined by Bonita Applebum. My thanks to Christina for teaching me this and subsequently taking me on the most embarrassing date of my life: hip hop dance class. It can be performed with no additional weight or with as much weight as you can manage. If you want to use weight, start with 45 lbs. See the Prevention Routine for more info.

The Air Hump

1. Lie flat on your back. Feet flat, bring your heels about 8 inches from your butt. Toes pointed straight ahead (photo 1). 2. No weight: Place your arms and hands flat by your sides. With weight: support the weight in place directly over your hips. (I like to use weight plates from the gym, but you can even use milk jugs filled with whatever. Keep track of the weight so you can track progress.)

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3. SLOWLY raise your hips, driving with your heels. This should take 5 seconds. 4. Raise until you cannot anymore and your glutes are fully contracted (photo 2). 5. Hold this position for 1 second. 6. SLOWLY lower your hips (for 5 seconds) until they just kiss the ground, then raise them again. Do not allow any pause at the bottom of the movement. 7. Repeat until you cannot do any more.***

2 **Using weight will dramatically increase your glute strength, but no weight has benefit too.

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***VITAL NOTE: when I say repeat until you cannot do anymore, I mean until you are shaking and cannot move another millimeter. THIS IS IMPERATIVE and this is also where this way of exercising really differs from the days of phys ed. Perform repetitions to muscle failure with PERFECT FORM and you will see rapid growth no question. Determine your own point of failure by testing different weights before performing the full Prevention Routine. For more information on this technique refer to the High Intensity Training Principles in the Resources chapter.

The Center
There is one exercise that targets your waist and sides with aplomb. The Plank will strengthen the sides of the hips (gluteus medius). This means greater glute side support. Better glute side support means the hips will remain on the same plane for longer and this is good for long term comfort in the saddle. In addition, the Plank strengthens the sides of your waist (the obliques). These thin, sheet-like muscles stabilize your waist and help keep the waist directly over the hips. That is a good thing for extended riding comfort and straight posture alike.

The Plank
1. Lay flat on your stomach on a hard surface.

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2. Elevate your shoulders by placing your elbows directly beneath them. 3. Lift your entire body onto your shoulders and balls of feet. Stay as stiff as, well, a plank (photo 1). 4. Hold for 30 seconds. 5. Now roll to the left side (photo 2). 6. Hold for 30 seconds. 7. Repeat on right side. *1 full cycle equals front plank, left plank, and right plank.

2 ***Once you can hold 30 seconds on each plank easily, increase by 15 seconds until you reach 90 seconds.

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The Neck
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and UFC will put your neck under some pressure. All that grappling can really do some damage. Riding for any period of time can be damaging too. In the case of cafe racing, where the head is slightly tilted up, that pressure will mount quickly. It is tricky to mitigate that pressure while riding, and if you can it probably means you will be looking directly at the gas tank. Not safe. So in lieu of relieving that pressure, we will strengthen the neck to keep that pressure at bay a bit longer. Take a page from some professional grapplers who know a thing or two about keeping the neck safe and use your own two hands.

Manual Neck Resistance

Front 1. Put your palms to your forehead (photo 1). 2. Press the chin down to the chest using the hands for resistance. Maintain a constant and very stiff resistant pressure (photo 2). 3. Once the chin hits the chest, press with your hands to bring the chin back up. Resist that movement with your neck.

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Back 1. Put your hands behind your head (photo 1). 2. Press back with your neck using hands for resistance. Maintain very strong resistance (you should be shaking a bit) (photo 2). 3. Press forward with your hands using your neck for resistance.

Side 1. Put the left hand on the left side of your head (photo 1). 2. Press your left ear to your left shoulder using your hand for resistance. Do not raise your shoulder to meet your ear (photo 2).

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3. Press your head back up with your hand using neck for resistance. Maintain very strong resistance throughout. Again, you should be shaking a bit from the intensity. 4. Repeat on right side. The side of your neck (not shoulders) should be very tight. There should be no cramping if form is correct. ***Press for 4 seconds no matter which direction you move your neck. Be deliberate and slow.

1 2 *1 full cycle equals 5 reps front, 5 back, and 5 on each side.

Bringing It all Together: One Stop Shopping

The preceding exercises have targeted particular parts of the posterior chain. Each represents the minimal amount of exercise needed for

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specific and significant results in improving riding posture and comfort. However, there is one final exercise that brings them all together. If anyone knows anything about gaining muscle the quick and dirty way, it is the Russians. Discount the instances (anecdotal and otherwise) of steroid and substance abuse and you will still find that there is more to Russian athleticism than pulling beets and lifting bottles of . They have honed an exercise so effective that it is nearly one stop shopping on the quest for good posture. It is the Russian Kettlebell swing and it is awesome. Kettlebells are funny looking things. Imagine a cannonball with a metal handle and you basically got it. They are stupidly simple tools, therefore they are perfect for our needs. Kettlebell swings are designed for one thing: to strengthen the entire posterior chain and prepare the athlete for the physical stresses of intense throwing competitions (shot putting, hammers, dwarves, etc.). The swing will improve your mobility and strengthen your butt, back, shoulders, and neck so that your posture is more imposing than Zeus or more tempting than Aphrodite. The kettlebell swing is a unisex exercise that produces profoundly gender specific results. It makes waists smaller, chests larger, and butts firmer. Women will not become bulky from this exercise, men will not become Tinkerbell either. It just works. If there is one drawback to this exercise, it is the kettlebells themselves. They are not cheap. There is however, a cheap solution that mimics and in many ways improves upon the kettlebell. It is homemade and will cost less than $15 to make.

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Locate the Make your own Kettlebells section in the Resources chapter to learn how to do this. In the demonstration photos I am using my preferred design of homemade kettlebell, the T bar. So what weight to start with? Well if you are a guy (or a girl that looks like one), 40-45 lbs is a good place to start. If you are a girl (or a guy that looks like one), 30-32 lbs is a good starting place.

Kettlebell Swing Pointers

1. Shoulders pushed back and down 2. Shoulders stay behind the knees at all times 3. When the bells swings back, you perform a sitting, not a squatting movement (hence, the shoulders staying behind the knees). 4. For the pushing motion, flex your ass like you never have before. 5. Pick a spot at head height on the wall in front of you and do not break eye contact with it throughout the exercise.

The Russian Execution

Kettlebell

Swing:

1. Stand with feet about 10 inches beyond shoulder width. Left toes should be pointed to about 10:30 on the clock face, right pointed to 1:30 (photo 1). 2. Raise the bell with a straight back (photo 2).

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3. Sit back slightly to initiate the swing (photo 3). 4. Quickly and strongly push the hips forward while lifting lightly with your straight arms. This will swing the bell forward to where we want it (photo 4). 5. As the bell swings back, sit back slightly. Your hands should be firmly under your crotch. 6. Swing the weight forward by pushing forcefully with the hips. The bell will move higher and higher over the next 3 or 4 reps. Full peak is reached when the bell swings nearly to eye level (photo 5). Hit that point on every swing for the rest of the set. 7. Once eye level height is reached, each repetition will alternate between photo 3 and 5.

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Unlike a lot of weight training exercises, I do not suggest markedly increasing the weight you use for the Russian Kettlebell Swing. Say you start with 45 lbs. As your routine becomes easier, peak at 60 or 65 lbs rather than continuing on to your max weight. This exercise (nay, this whole guide) is about preparing the body for riding and having great posture, not becoming beefcake. If you want that, check out the Resources section. Besides, if you think swinging 45 lbs in front of you is dangerous, just imagine 100 lbs out there. And there you have it. The Russian Kettlebell Swing. It is a great standalone exercise and, to be honest, if you did nothing but the swing you would have ridiculously sexy posture and drastically increased riding comfort poste haste. That being said, I highly recommend following the Prevention Routine to the letter for the best results. P.S. Your ass will be sore for a couple days, but not so much that it hurts to use it. You will get past that after a couple sessions.

The Prevention Routine

Perform this routine every third day. If you do it monday, that means you do it thursday, then sunday, wednesday and so on. Allow 2 minutes rest between each exercise except just after hip flexor stretches which will increase your hip extension on the kettle bell swings and air hump. 1. Plank: 1 full cycle. 2. Manual Neck Resistance: 2 full cycles.

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No rest between cycles. 3. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle (30 sec. each side) 4. Russian Kettlebell Swings: 3 sets of 20 reps. Rest 2 minutes between sets. 5. Air Hump Option A: Weighted: Perform one set to failure. Point of failure must be less than 14 repetitions. Option B: No weight: 3 sets of 15. 30 seconds rest between sets

The Posture Checklist

The Rundown
Below is the Posture Checklist. Think of it as a crib sheet for how to sit and stand. Notice that there is no mention of how to position you back. This is because if you adjust everything else properly, the back falls into perfect place. If you constantly readjust your back first, you will cause stress on other areas which will pass their pain right back to the back. I humbly suggest doing the opposite. Adjust and tweak your neck, jaw, shoulders, arms, abdomen, and hips, millimeter by millimeter until you hit the sweet spot for your back. Because you will notice discomfort in the back's ancillary physiology first (such as the shoulders) --whereas backpain typically takes longer to materialize-- you will learn to adjust them incrementally.

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This method will produce the longest lasting comfort results in the back and all over. You will also notice there is no suggestion of how to ride with perfect posture. This is because everybody's bike is different (if they weren't, cafe racing would be pretty lame). What works for me on my bike will not work on yours. Use the adjustment tips above to find your riding sweet spot. Remember, if you don't have success with what you are doing, do the opposite first. Results will come much faster that way than if you dogmatically stick to adjusting the exact same way over and over and expect different results. That is insanity. Good posture mindset and execution are reciprocal. Get into a state of mind where you have Superman's posture: walk like a cape is blowing in the wind behind you. Now that you've got that in your head, do this: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Stand up. Imagine a horse's bit just in front of your mouth. Chomp onto that bit. Feel the bit lifting slowly with you still attached. As the bit rises, your posture naturally falls into ideal position. Now, your nose is high, your shoulders are down and back, and your back is subsequently straight.

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How to Walk Tall

Head: jaw relaxed, chin high Neck: relaxed Shoulders: pushed downward and back slightly Abdomen: sucked in slightly Butt: flexed slightly Feet: pointed straight ahead *do not arch lower back

How to Sit Straight

Head: jaw relaxed, chin downward slightly Neck: pulled back slightly Shoulders: totally relaxed Abdomen: tensed slightly Knees: bent at 45 degrees Feet: flat on floor *slight arch in lower back While at a desk: If typing at a desk, keep the computer screen as far from the eyes as possible. Do not use a keyboard that is more than 6 inches above your lap. Keyboards should be as close to the chest as possible so

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you don't have to extend your arms far, causing extra fatigue. Pull your arms forward and elevate them using your chest first, then shoulders and arms. Make sure you can rest most of your forearms on the desk.

Conclusion: The Strong Rider

To ride a motorcycle is a bizarre choice Somewhere along the way man decided it was a good idea to put 400 pounds of sharp and hot metal 4 inches from his groin and call it transportation. And I have not looked back since. To me, riding is a profoundly stupid activity. It is wrong to want to expose myself to the possibility of dragging my body on asphalt into oncoming traffic. It is wrong to want to spend hours fiddling with the bike when I know I will only screw it up. It is wrong to think that riding is somehow faster than taking the car, because once I put all the gear on, the car would be half way there. But I am so happy I made the choice to ride every time I saddle up and warble down the driveway. Yet, as we know, a price must be paid for that choice. To salve the wounds of the decision to ride, there are many paths which will claim to solve the pain problem. In my short life I have taken many, and I hope it is only the stupidity of youth that kept me going. I eventually found solutions to this problem and it only cost me my time. I believe that all the time researching, testing, and failing has proved fruitful.

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I am genuinely pleased that, no matter how old or in pain you are, you have found this guide. Now that you've read it, apply it. If you follow the teachings presented here, you will benefit. To ride or to comfort? That is no longer the question. Because now you can have your cake and eat it too.

Resources
Self Myofascial Release
--Robertson's Training Systems- Self Myofascial Release: Purpose, Methods and Techniques by Mike Robertson, MS, CSCS- Downloadable PDF at http://robertsontrainingsystems.com/downloads/SMRmanual.pdf A student from Loma Linda School of Medicine's Department of Physical Therapy recommended this book to me. It is jam packed with every type of SMR imaginable and is where I learned the most important piriformis massage. Highly recommended if you have any other areas that could use a deep, massaging touch. A complete and totally free version can be found at the link above.

Egoscue
--Egoscue Clinics- Egoscue.com Founded by Peter Egoscue, this method of postural realignment does not use massage or manipulation to achieve its goals. A visit to a clinic may be worthwhile if you can invest the time and money ($250 for one

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visit, $1495 for the full 8 week personalized monty {prices reflect San Francisco clinic and vary by location}). Go to their website to find the clinic closest to you.

Kettle Bell Swing

For a very good article on the intensity and cardiovascular value of different types of kettlebell swings, read the comparison of Russian and American Kettlebell Swings and the essay, both by Crossfit. Great as the American style is, it is unsuited to our purposes as it places less emphasis on the hips and is significantly easier to screw up. Comparison: http://www.crossfit.com/journal/library/25_04_kettlebell_swing.pdf Essay: http://xbodyfitness.typepad.com/xtra/2009/08/ending-theswing-controversy.html

Make your own Kettle Bells

-How to make a Kettle Bell by Todayfitness.net. http://www.mazzland.com/budgetbody/makekettlebell.htm

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I much prefer the T Bar design using these pieces:

One 3/4 by 12 pipe nipple (if you are shorter than 5'6, go with a 10 or even 8) Two 3/4 by 4 pipe nipples One 3/4 pipe T bar fitting One 3/4 flange As for the actual weight plates that you need to attach to the T bar, those can be had for dirt cheap. Start at thrift stores and root through their exercise stuff. Next, check out a used sports goods store. If those two fail (but they won't), go to Big 5 and troll the sales racks.

High Intensity Training

-The New High Intensity Training by Ellington Darden, Ph.D. DrDarden.com High Intensity Training (HIT) shattered every notion I had about strength training. Simply put: HIT states that muscles grow when pushed to their limit. This means rather than the typical 3-4 sets of 10 reps of a given exercise, you perform one set to failure, consisting of 7-15 reps typically. Large muscle gains are lauded by this technique, often in the 6 pounds a week range. While I don't have the genetics to certify that claim, I have recorded gains of 14 pounds in 19 days while cutting 3 pounds of fat.

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This method is highly controversial and nowhere is the disbelief louder than the meathead camp. I think these people are just pissed that it took them 2 years of highly inefficient exercise to accomplish what can be done in 4 months with HIT. Read up on HIT. Even if you never try it or even half ass it, at least you have conversed with another side of the exercise scene.

How to Perform HIT: the Basics

For lower body exercises (including hips/glutes), aim for 12-14 repetitions. For upper body exercises (excluding kettlebell swings which should not be used with HIT principles), aim for 6-8 repetitions. Form is the most important element of HIT. You must maintain perfect form throughout every repetition and every exercise. Do not pause at any point during most exercises (Air humps excepted). Do not let your muscle rest at the top or bottom end of the rep. Round out your movements and be smooth. For each repetition: lift for 5 seconds, lower for 5 seconds. Rest 3 minutes between each exercise Do not perform more than 8-10 exercises per routine The larger the muscle, the more rest it needs to fully recover.

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