Defence Mechanism

Gems cannot be polished without Abrasion..

Chhavi Swarup
( Academic Co-ordinator & Counsellor) GIIS, Noida

Children are good perceivers but poor interpreters of situations and intentions; thus very often misinterpret their parents, guardian or teachers action and intentions and develop erroneous beliefs that they are not being accepted or loved. The contentedness and stress free upbringing, even today results in well behaved children despite pampering. This baffling phenomenon is very noticeable in some families where modern day stress is missed and they have a happy congenial atmosphere. This time my focus is to curb the problem of Defence Mechanism in children especially those who are experiencing great difficulties. My genuine concern is to create an era of peace, culture, balanced thinking and true education that manifests the spirit of a healthy relation in mentor and a disciple, felicitator and a student; parent and a child. Personality Disorder Syndrome transgresses in children who suffer from this problem and later becomes a part of their personality. This problem is about a conflict between their ego, super ego and their identity in the conscious, subconscious and unconscious state of mind. They very conveniently escape from their responsibilities and show signs of anxiety, frustration, conflicts, confusion, fears, mal-adjustment and struggle with any given situation. They behave in a stubborn manner and erode all moral values. Such a child feels powerful if he can make anyone upset, angry or helpless. Every individuals personality is assessed by the effectiveness with which he /she is able to elicit positive reactions from a variety of people under different circumstances. It is this sense that the teacher who refers to a student as presenting a problem of DM (Defence Mechanism) is probably indicating that the childs social skills are not adequate to maintain satisfactory relations with fellow students. It is clear that there is an element of evaluation as commonly described, good or bad.

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.

The symptoms of any problem have a cause, significance, meaning and above all problems come with a SOLUTION: Let us have a look at some of the causes which lead to Defence Mechanism: Repression:- This is a deliberate thrusting aside of the present desires or natural drives for emotional expression. Self Identification: - In this symptom the child attempts to mould his own personality to someone elses. Reaction formation: - Creates excuses if unable to complete the task. Negativity: - Refusal to obey commands. Mistaken belief:- Love always means giving attention. Seek attention by:a) b) c) d) e) f) Continuous interruption during your conversation. Repetition of odd gestures to make you laugh or angry. Screaming if not paid any attention to. Persistently quarrelsome. Takes up the hostile position even for trivial matters. Physical violence at minimal provocation.

Sometimes the questions are complicated but the answers are simple Solutions:My dear parents, Finding a solution for an aggressive behavioural problem is a challenging task but not impossible to handle. It requires a thorough introspection which cannot happen without parents realization that this has stemmed from their own faults. Have Patience:- This is one virtue that is absolutely vital to modify such kind of behaviour. Allow a cooling off period to take an edge off his/her power struggle. Encourage the child to shoulder responsibilities. Channelize the child by offering choices to make him/her more focused. Give the child the opportunity to voluntarily make amendments for the wrongs done.

Occasionally ignore misbehaviour; do not give any attention; good or bad. Dont be too available for the child; let him/her solve his/her own problems. Teach new skills:- Develop some vocational courses like music, painting , dance or reading. Try to find out the reality if they distort the actual situation. Dont scold them for lying instead, correct them or make them aware of the factual situation. Encourage the child to do the right thing on his own volition to come up with solutions to their problems. A strong disciplinary action can look like an irrational vile act for the child perpetuated because the parent is stronger authority. Thus while disciplining, keep the childs dignity and identity intact. All this sure looks tough but then respect doesnt come cheap. Rest assured that keeping a firm yet gentle hand is the way to discipline your child. The reward will be lucrative which will make the effort worthwhile.

Have a determination of a mirror which never loses its ability to reflect, even if it is broken into hundred pieces