Different languages have different terms for relationships, and even distinguish different relationships.

For instance, Swedish calls your mothers brother morbror and your fathers brother farbror, where Danish has onkel for both, and English has uncle. (In Latin they were avunculus and patruus.) On the other hand, English makes some distinctions that other languages do not. Yourdaughter-in-law and your stepdaughter are both your belle-fille in French. And according to the Encyclopdia Britannica, Polynesian languages use the same words for male and female cousins as for brothers and sisters. Even native English speakers can be confused by some of our relationship terms. A friend asked me to help him figure out what relation he was to his mothers aunts greatgrandson. After we had worked that out (see Example 2), he suggested others might be interested. What follows is an expanded and more general form of our discussion. In English, three sets of terms seem to cause the most difficulty: cousin, in-law, andhalf or step relations. Just to make things messy, each of these terms can correctly be used for several different relationships. Vocabulary: In discussing relationships, phrases like brother or sister and son or daughter come up again and again. Here are standard gender-neutral terms that Ill use to shorten the following discussion: sibling = brother or sister (Some dictionaries call two individuals siblings if they have one or both parents in common. This would include the relationships of half brother and half sister as well as full brother and sister. In this document, Ill use the word sibling in its more restricted meaning: an individual who has the same two parents as you.) spouse = husband or wife child = son or daughter (even if an adult) parent = mother or father

The Basics
Before getting into third cousin once removed, its good to understand the common terms. Please have a look at the following table.

H = W | ----------------------| B0(M)=Z0(F) | B1 | B2 | etc. | C0(F) | C1 | C2 | etc.

H and W (a husband and wife) are the common ancestors of this family. B0 and C0 are the son and daughter (children) of H and W, and H and W are the father and mother (parents) of B0 and C0. B1 and C1 are the grandchildren (grandsons and grand daughters) of H and W, and H and W are therefore the grandparents (grandfather and grandmother) of B1 and C1.

Aunt, Uncle, Niece, Nephew

There are standard words for collateral relationships, where neither person is directly descended from the other. B0 and C0 are brother and sister, or more generically siblings. Going down one generation, on one side only, we have four common relationships: B0 is C1s uncle. Most English speakers use uncle for any of four relationships: fathers brother, mothers brother, fathers sisters husband, or mothers sisters husband. C0 is B1s aunt. Again, aunt in English could mean your fathers sister, mothers sister, fathers brothers wife, or mothers brothers wife. Most people would say Z0 is also C1s aunt. C1 is the niece or nephew of B0; most people would say C1 is also the niece or nephew of Z0. Children of your aunt or uncle are your first cousins. More generally, B1 and C1, and all their descendants, are cousins to each other. A separate section below details all the words used to describe cousin relationships.

Godparents
Many children have godparents chosen for them by their parents, for example in Christian denominations at the time of baptism. While the godparents are not necessarily relatives, in some families they stand in the position of relatives to the child, and may even be addressed as aunt and uncle. The godparents, in turn, may speak of their godson or goddaughter, and collectively godsons and goddaughters would be godchildren.

Honorary Aunts and Uncles

In some sections of the country, it is common for children to call their parents friends Aunt Flo and Uncle Ed. Perhaps because I grew up with this, it has always seemed charming to me: more respectful than first-naming them, much warmer than Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks.

Terms Involving Great

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Third Edition, 1992) gives sixteen definitions of the adjective great. The one that concerns us here is great adj. 15. Being one generation removed from the relative specified. Often used in combination: a great-granddaughter. Apply this definition to B2 and C2. They are one generation below B1 and C1, who are H and Ws grandchildren. Therefore B2 and C2 are H and Ws great-grandchildren. H and W in turn are the great-grandparents (great-grandfather and great-grandmother) of B2 and C2. If we drew the family tree another generation down, B3 and C3 would be the greatgreat-grandchildren of H and W, and so on. The collateral relationships can be great, too. Since B0 and Z0 are the aunt and uncle of C1, they are the great-aunt and great-uncle of C2. That makes C2 their great-niece or great-nephew. (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Third Edition, 1992) says that the unhyphenated spellings great aunt etc. are equally acceptable, and listsgrandaunt etc. as less common forms.) Unfortunately, language is not logical: there are no great-cousins. Instead, the terminology is cousins so many times removed, as explained below.

Terms Involving In-law

There are several of these, but most give little difficulty to native speakers. Any relationship term ending with -in-law indicates that the relationship is by marriage and not by blood; in other words, one of us is a blood relative of the others spouse.

If I want to refer collectively to the blood relatives of my spouse, I can call them my in-laws". Sometimes this term means just my spouses parents; other times it can mean any group of my spouses relatives. In-law relationship terms are always written with hyphens, by the way. And the plural is formed on the part before the -in-law; for example, brothers-in-law and not brotherin-laws. The only exception is the general term in-laws, which is always plural.

Father-, Mother-, Son-, and Daughter-in-Law

My father-in-law is the father of my spouse; my mother-in-law is the mother of my spouse. If my own parents get divorced and remarry, their new spouses are my stepparents, not my mother-in-law and father-in-law. The husband of my daughter is my son-in-law; the wife of my son is my daughter-inlaw. If my spouse has children from a previous marriage, those are my stepchildren, not sons-in-law or daughters-in-law. I am their stepfather or stepmother, not their father-inlaw or mother-in-law. In these days of more fluid relationships, it is becoming more common to say daughter-in-law of the woman my son or daughter has lived with for a long time. On the one hand, thats a nice way of recognizing long-term relationships that dont involve a traditional marriage. On the other hand, its a bit confusing to use the term in-LAW for relationships that are not recognized by law.

Brother-in-Law, Sister-in-Law
These are the only really tricky in-law terms. Brother-in-law and sister-in-law each have two or three meanings. All authorities agree on the first two meanings, but there is some controversy about the third (and I personally dont accept it). My sister-in-law could be: 1. the sister of my spouse, or 2. the wife of my brother, or 3. the wife of my spouses brother. (This meaning is accepted by The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Third Edition, 1992), but not by all authorities.) Similarly, my brother-in-law could be 1. the brother of my spouse, or 2. the husband of my sister, or 3. the husband of my spouses sister. (This meaning is accepted by The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (Third Edition, 1992), but not by all authorities.) Consider the following example: Al marries Betty; Betty has a sister Bonnie, who marries Calvin.

Harry = Sally | + -------------------| Al = Betty | Bonnie = Calvin

The siblings-in-law: Al is Bonnies brother-in-law (definition 2), and Bonnie is Als sister-in-law (definition 1); Betty is Calvins sister-in-law (definition 1), and Calvin is Bettys brother-in-law (definition 2). So much is agreed. The question is, are Al and Calvin brothers-in-law (definition 3)? Someone once wrote to Ann Landers, the advice columnist, describing this situation. Ann replied: You are no relation; you are just two men who married sisters. Though I agree with Ann on this one, I admit that its awkward for Al to refer to Calvin as my wifes brother-in-law or my sister-in-laws husband. Probably thats why Al might refer to Calvin as my brother-in-law.

Terms Involving Cousin

Children of the same two parents are siblings, brothers and sisters. (If they have only one parent in common the relationship needs the modifier half; see below). Other relatives who are descended from a common ancestor are generally called cousins. This section explains more specific terms for various degrees of the cousin relationship. Please refer to this family tree for the following discussion.
H = W | ----------------------| |

B0.......siblings......C0 | |

B1....first cousins....C1 | |

B2...second cousins....C2

B3....third cousins....C3 | |

B4...fourth cousins....C4 | etc. | etc.

H and W are the common ancestors (husband and wife); B0 and C0 are their children, B1 and C1 are their grandchildren, B2 and C2 are their great-grandchildren, and so on.

First Cousins, Second Cousins, and So On

B1 and C1 are called first cousins. Because their parents (B0 and C0) were siblings, they are the first generation below siblings. Another way to look at it is that B1 and C1 each have two pairs of grandparents, of which they share one pair (H and W). (First cousins are sometimes called cousins german, or simply cousins.) Next consider B2 and C2. Their respective parents, B1 and C1, are first cousins. B2 and C2 are therefore second cousins: they are the second generation below the level of siblings. Each number in front of the word cousin corresponds to going another generation downboth sides of the family tree. These cousinly relations all assume that the generations trace back to (full) siblings (B0 and C0 in the diagram), who had both parents (H and W) in common. If B0 and C0 had only one parent in common, they are half siblings, and all the cousinly relations below them would be preceded with the word half, according to William Addams Reitwiesners article First Cousin Second Cousin in alt.talk.royalty on 24 Jun 2000, archived here. Though the terms exist, they are not used very often in ordinary conversation about ones own family.

Types of First Cousins

First cousins can be classified two ways: patrilateral or matrilateral, and cross- or orthocousins. While ortho-cousins are children of two brothers or two sisters; crosscousins are children of a sister and brother. Someone is your patrilateral cousin if you are first cousins through your father (and your fathers brother or sister); someone is yourmatrilateral cousin if you are first cousins through your mother (and your mothers brother or sister). Note that these terms depend on the sexes of the parents, not of the cousins. A table and some examples should make the terms clear:
Zebulon = Yetta | William = Virginia |

------------------------------| Abe = Beth | Jill | Cassie = Doug | John |

----------| | Georgina = Hank | James

Ed = Felicia | Jack

Jacks first cousins can be categorized as follows: Jill is Jacks patrilateral ortho-cousin (related through Jacks father Ed and Eds brother Abe). Jack is also Jills patrilateral ortho-cousin because the relationship goes from Jill, through her father Abe, through his brother Ed, to Jack. John is Jacks patrilateral cross-cousin (related through Jacks father Ed and Eds sister Cassie). But Jack is Johns matrilateral cross-cousin because the relationship is through Johns mother and then through her brother. James is Jacks matrilateral ortho-cousin (related through Jacks mother Felicia and Felicias sister Georgina). Jack is also Jamess matrilateral ortho-cousin. (This section was adapted from Cousin Marriage in the 1967 Encyclopdia Britannica.)

Removed Cousins
Now consider B1 and C2. What relation are they? C2 is the child of C1, and C1 and B1 are first cousins. Therefore B1 and C2 are called first cousins once removed, the most common example of a relationship designated removed.. The once removed means that one of the two relatives is one generation removed from being a first cousin with the other. Continuing, C3 is the grandchild of C1, who is B1s first cousin, so B1 and C3 are first cousins twice removed. Each remove corresponds to going another generation down one side of the family tree. The word removed is used only when the relationship involves going down the family tree, to later generations. For instance, B2 and C4 are second cousins twice removed, not fourth cousins twice removed. Example 1: What relation to you is Joe, your mothers cousins great-grandson? Answer: In the chart above, the first cousins B1 and C1 must be your mother and her cousin. (If a relationship is just stated as cousin, usually that means first cousin.) You are then B2, the child of your mother. Your mothers cousin is C1, and her great-grandson Joe would be C4, three generations below her. You (B2) are second cousin to C2; Joe is twice removed, or two generations below C2. Thus your mothers [first] cousins greatgrandson is your second cousin twice removedand of course you are also his second cousin twice removed. Example 2: A friend asked me to help him figure out what relationship he was to his mothers aunts great-grandson. On the above chart, youd place my friend at B2, his mother at B1, and her aunt at C0. Therefore the aunts great-grandson is at C3. My friend B2 and his relative C3 are second cousins once removed.

A Little Cousinly Algebra

For those among you who like algorithms, the idea is that in the phrase Nth cousins R times removed, you go up R generations in the longer branch to get to Nth cousins; then you go up N generations in both branches to get to siblings. Another way to look at it is that you go N generations up the short branch of the tree, cross over to a sibling, then go N+R generations down the long branch.

Terms Involving Half and Step

These terms apply when parents remarry. Sometimes they are used interchangeably, but they have distinct and well-defined meanings. The key distinction is that half siblings have one parent in common but not both; stepsiblings have no parents in common. Ill use the diagram below to illustrate these relationships. Mark and Sally had a son named John, and Harry and Sue had a daughter named Amanda. Mark and Sue died (or the marriages ended in divorce). Harry met Sally; they married, and had a daughter named Amelia.
Mark = (1) Sally (2) = (2) Harry (1) = Sue (1958) | | | John (1960- ) (1968) | | | Amelia (1970- ) (1957) | | | Amanda (1961- )

Step Relations
When a parent remarries, the new spouse is the stepfather or stepmother of any children from the previous marriage. For instance, Harry is the father of Amanda and Amelia and stepfather of John; Sally is the mother of John and Amelia and stepmother of Amanda. The children from a previous marriage are stepsons and stepdaughters (generically,stepchildren). John is Harrys stepson and Amanda is Sallys stepdaughter. By the way, you are no relation to your stepparents previous spouse. John, who is Harrys stepson, might refer to Sue as my stepfathers ex-wife, or simply my stepfathers ex. (If he was hoping for Christmas presents, he might call her Mom!) You are my stepbrother or stepsister if we have no parents in common but our parents have married each other. There are two ways you could be my stepsister:

already has a daughter from a previous marriage, that daughter is my stepsister because one of her parents is married to one of my parents. If my father marries a second time, and his new wife already has a daughter, that daughter is again my stepsister. A similar rule gives the two ways for you to be my stepbrother. In the diagram, John is Amandas stepbrother and Amanda is Johns stepsister. They have no parents in common, but Johns mother Sally is now married to Amandas father Harry. Amelia is not stepsister but half sister to both John and Amanda, because she shares one parent with each.

If my mother marries a second time, and her new husband (my new stepfather)

Half Relations
You are my half brother or half sister if we have one parent in common but not both. For instance, if my parents divorce or my father dies and my mother remarries, her new husband is my stepfather. If she and my stepfather have a daughter, that daughter is my half sister because we have the same mother but different fathers. The same is true if my father remarries and has a daughter with his new wife: that daughter is my half sister. In the diagram, Amelia is Johns half sister and John is Amelias half brother, through their common mother Sally. Similarly, Amelia and Amanda are half sisters through their common father Harry. Do you see the difference? If you are the child of my stepparent, you will be either mystepsibling or my half sibling. Half means you are the child of my parent and my stepparent; step means you are the child of my stepparent and someone else (not my parent). Half siblings have one parent in common; stepsiblings have no parents in common. By the way, stepbrother and stepsister are always written as single words, without hyphens. Half brother and half sister are each written as two words (source: The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language [Third Edition, 1992]). Isnt English a strange language?

Consanguinity, or Degree of Kinship

Degrees of consanguinity are used to compare the closeness of relationships in a legal context. For instance, if a person dies without leaving a will, his estate will be divided according to a legally prescribed order. Also, incest taboos prevent people marrying who are too closely related. Consanguinity can be lineal, where one person is an ancestor of the other, orcollateral, where the two people have a common ancestor but neither one is an ancestor of the other. Computing lineal consanguinity is easy: how many generations of descent are there? Thus a father and son are related in the first degree, a grandfather and grandson in the second degree, and so on.

H = W | ------------| B0(M) | B1 | B2 | etc. | C0 | C1(F) | C2 | etc

Collateral consanguinity is trickier, and in fact there are two main systems: The Roman method or civil law counts up from one person to the common ancestor, then down to the other person. On this system, B1 and C1 (first cousins) are related in the fourth degree (up from B1 to B0, to H and W, then down to C0 and C1: four transitions in total). B0 and C1 (uncle and niece) are related in the third degree. The Germanic method was used by Catholic canon law until 1983 and also historically by English and American law. It simply counts the length of the longer branch. On this system uncle and niece (such as B0 and C1) are related in the second degree, exactly the same as first cousins (such as B1 and C1). (The above draws somewhat on Franois Veldes Usenet article Degrees in alt.talk.royalty [28 Oct 2003, archived here], and the 1911 Britannica article Consanguinity. Recent editions of the Britannica go into computation of consanguinity on the basis of shared DNA. On that basis great-grandparent and great-grandchild are related in the same degree as first cousins, because statistically each relationship involves 1/8 shared DNA.)

Life Changes, Relationship Changes

The terms given above have a long tradition behind them, but they came into use when society was a lot less mobile than it is today. Professional genealogists do it with diagrams and symbols, but how do various life events change the terms the rest of us use for relationships? Adoption: The rule here is simple: Unless youre a member of a European ruling house, someone whos adopted is every bit as much a relative as someone who was born into the family. Whether your sister adopts a little girl or gives birth to one, that little girl is your niece. Whether or not little Jennifer knows she was adopted, you are her Aunt Helen and she is your niece. You wouldnt refer to her as your adoptive niece, implying shes not your real niece. What about parents? Most adoptions occur when the children are very young. Theiradoptive parents are most likely the only ones they know, and are usually referred to asmother and father. The woman who actually gave birth to the child is called, logically enough, the birth mother. Death: For instance, if your husband dies, are his sisters children still your nieces and nephews? Almost everyone would agree that they are. Theyre not going to stop calling you Aunt Helen, presumably. Divorce: This is the trickiest area. If you and your husband divorce, obviously his mother is still their grandmother, but is she still your mother-in-law? Some people would say yes; some would say no. Judith Martin (in Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior; Atheneum, 1982; pages 5656) favors some creative ambiguity, especially in everyday speech. Particularly if you are on good terms with them, whatever your relationship with your ex-husband, theres no reason you cant continue to call his children your nieces and nephews or why they shouldnt go on calling you Aunt Helen. If you need to make the relationship clear, you can always use a few extra words. My ex-husbands stepbrother is much more precise and accurate than my brother-in-law, but if you and the latter are on good terms theres nothing wrong with speaking of each other as brother- and sister-in-law. The one exception, of course, is that divorced spouses can no longer refer to each other as husband and wife but must use ex-husband and ex-wife (informally, just ex), no matter how amicable the divorce. Remarriage: Here, as with divorce, theres no hard and fast rule. Depending on the connection you feel with the people in question, you could describe them as my nieces and nephews or my first husbands nieces and nephews. Of course common sense comes into it too. Wouldnt it be rather sweet, Miss Manners asks, to hear one grown man refer to another as the father of my children? Well, maybe; but my wifes first husband is a lot more clear.