Eulogy by Roch Longuepe, Founder & CEO, Restoring Dignity

Tamara Adrian Musgrave (September 27, 1974 - November 4, 2012)

It pains me deeply to learn of the passing of my dear friend Tamara Musgrave. I first came to know Tamara in 2003. Tamara impressed me as a genuine, intelligent and gifted young woman. In my experiences of all those I have encountered, I have always known that those who possess great gifts have often lived a life of tragic suffering. One of my favorite quotes is from Agamemnon of Aeschylus. This quote was also used by Robert F. Kennedy announcing the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in Indiana 1968: God, whose law it is that he who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despite, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. This is sadly where Tamara and I connected. She had a tragic childhood. Like me, I have always believed she had journeyed through life seeking answers to the tragedy of her past. I know Tamara had sought this through her studies at Mount Saint Vincent University in philosophy and religious studies. Tamara often spoke of her ambitions to become a professor in this field.

Tamaras greatest quality was her courage in the face of impossible odds. In the beginning of our friendship, Tamara made a specific request of me, one which I shall never forget. She asked me to always remain her friend, no matter what. I remember my confusion at her request as I did not then understand the magnitude of what she was asking me. Tamara was dying. She had Brain Cancer. Between chemo and surgeries, her frontal lobe had been damaged. Tamaras adaptation and recovery was challenged everyday. In tears, she explained to me, the challenge of maintaining friendships, the strain of medical costs and lost opportunities. I recall one day, Tamara and I were chatting online when the subject of music came up. She told me she had been in training and was to perform on stage soon. She asked if I wanted to listen to a video clip of her rehearsal. Wow, this girl could sing! Tamara had the voice of an angel. Her performance was breathtaking. I was deeply saddened at the injustice of circumstance of this gifted, beautiful and gentle young woman being taken by this horrible disease. Tamara also had a tragic childhood. Tamara learned to adapt without proper parental support on her own. Despite the lack of supports from immediate family, Tamara had fought valiantly to rebuild her life. Edith Hamilton in her book The Greek Way wrote: To suffer is to be alone; to watch another suffer is to know the barrier that shuts each of us away by himself. Last year, I learned Tamara was in her final stage of Cancer treatment. Tamaras days on this world were numbered. This was a day I feared for so long might come. Tamara was a gifted student. She had struggled to get one and a half years of study towards her Bachelor of Arts Degree at Mount Saint Vincent University. Tamara had many bad days. She had many days where she was either house bound or bed ridden. Tamara had struggled with extreme weight loss. Yet, every day, she put on a brave face to carry on. As I think of Tamara I am reminded of the immortal words of Terry Fox, in his letter to the Canadian Cancer Society. Terry wrote: As I went through the 16 months of the physically and emotionally draining ordeal of chemotherapy, I was rudely awakened by the faces with the brave smiles, and the ones who had given up smiling. There were feelings of hopeful denial, and the feelings of despair. My quest would not be a selfish one. I could not leave knowing these faces and feelings would still exist, even though I would be set free from mine. Somewhere the hurting must stop...and I was determined to take myself to the limit for this cause. Today, I am awakened by the face of Tamaras brave smile, and her unrelenting tenacity to go on. I made Tamara a promise to remain her friend, no matter what. Today, I am honoring that promise, in part, through this short eulogy. I appreciate that Tamara was not born out of privilege or prestige. John F Kennedy once said: The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy.

We live each day safe in the knowledge that we will have the freedom to plan out our tomorrows. Tamara did not. Tamara lived a tragic life and faced it with all the courage and strength worthy of immense respect and recognition. Well known ancient Greek lyric poet, Pindar once wrote Brief is the growing time for mortals and brief the flowers bloom that falls to earth shaken by grim fate. Things of a day! What are we and what are we not. Man is a shadows dream. So many people because of their prestige or political importance have been awarded degrees with little or no struggle. The heroes in my life are the Tamara Musgraves of the world. Tamara has a grand tale to tell that can inspire other young women who will inherit her struggles. In his speech to South Africa in their day of Affirmation, Robert F Kennedy said: Few will have the greatness to bend history; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. May it be that Tamaras memory breathes life into the legacy of these ideals once again. Let that legacy begin anew with Tamaras story. God Bless you Tamara, and thank you for being part of my life. Rest in peace my friend. With every best wish,
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Roch Longuepe
Founder & CEO, RESTORING DIGNITY "A worldwide effort to find Restitution and Justice for victims of institutional child abuse."
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