It has been going on in my mind for sometime now. I have mentioned it to some, I have not mentioned it to many.

It has been suffocating and illuminating my mind at the same time. You know the feeling somewhat close to a headache? The one in duced by serious contemplation? The one which you get when you try and think abo ut the origin of universe? No I don t mean read about the origin of universe, I mean think about the origin of the universe, origin of the consciousness. I won t commen t about others, but I have strong suspicion that my brain is designed not to be able to think about it. I remember going into that thought for like two hours st raight, without any other thought claiming an iota of my mind, and then comes Mr . Headache. It aches as if the god damned Big Bang is happening in my ever so re verberate head. If God exists, I ll kill him for that. If you are not getting what I am saying, then it is like five times the effect, a bottle of vodka lodged in your head leaves you with. Ok so well now you know t he pain, so let s come back to what has been lingering in my mind for a long long ti me now. It is another question which is not as humongous as the origin of consci ousness, but is as narrow as a dagger-thrust-in-tender-most-part-of-my-brain, in its scope. It is about the being of a man. Being a man has two aspects to it. W e all have known that Homo Sapiens is a social animal, and he formed societies a nd all the greatness we quote from the past, is about how great men were great m en because they contributed to the society in one way or other. At the same time , Homo Sapiens sapiens. He has his being as a wise man. I don t know what wise man w ould mean to you, but to me in its purest form, it must have been all about disc overing knowledge, reflecting on it, questioning it, rejecting it, adding to it, and not allowing self to accept any thought without letting it pass through thi s process. If you observe, the former has been dominating the world thought for millions of years and getting re-enforced by every great civilization coming into being, an d it has made it almost impossible for the latter to exist. What all can I refle ct on, what all can I question, what all can I reject, what I can add to, and wh at all should I not allow myself to accept without letting it pass through the p rocess? Is the battle already lost? It is like the mythical gift of free will, w hich exists and not. We can blame the myths / god / scriptures for the failing o f free will, but who is to blame for failing the other aspect of our being? Are we meant to be like this, or is it our collective failing across ages, or it is the wrong question at the first place?