PLEASE MARK UP THIS BOOK. WRITE IDEAS IN THE MARGINS. GET STICKY NOTES.

LET YOUR FRIENDS MARK IT UP AFTER YOU.

IF I MADE YOU LAUGH, PISSED YOU OFF, OR CHANGED YOUR LIFE, EMAIL ME.

GRAFFITI. TEXTING. OMEGLE. PROVE YOUR PARENTS WRONG. KEEP IT UNREAL. LIFE IS HAPPENING. BE FREE. BE HIP. WRITE IDEAS.

DANCE FOREVER.

The reasons I wrote this book: Manifesto, the Anonymous Novel Jenny Holzer Newmans Own Orange Mango Tango juice Vandalism Two people called Greg and Hero vanessa.gregory7@gmail.com lets have a conversation

THE FIRST CHAPTER:

IDEAS

Humpty Dumpty never existed. There is nothing we cant fix. And then there is that moment where the dreamers realize its not all a dream. And then there is that moment where the realists realize its not all real. Imagine sick Americans with eight tentacles. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. iPhone comb hand mirror big mac remote tabloid magazine lubrication red bull

I only like the instances when my blind spots cover the burning truth and leave the supple fantasies alone to dance in my vision. Plunge my face into a sea of color and comfort. If love is your god, why isnt hate your devil? The worlds got a crush on itself. Everyones differences are the same and everyones similarities differ. Trust the dark, its the only thing you will ever see for what it really is. A goat on the edge. Girls in India who are small and young get trafficked. Tiny prostitutes cry. My dream used to be to save them. Now it is to write a book. I am no longer a hero. I feel alone. Plants know more than I do. Zero is more than nothing. Things are see-through. The senses are time machines.

Do you ever feel like your hands are going to fall off? Sometimes I feel like there are too many letters everywhere. People are fake animals. Calm down, son. Phamous. None of it is nonsense. Make a smoothie out of the universe. God is dead. I am dead. You only die twice. I wonder if the twine closest to the spindle yearns for the loving digits that flowed once through the twice given streams. Three times I cried over the thought of it. Suspended in the air. A LITTLE LONGING GOES AWAY. A LITTLE LONGING . . . GOES AWAY. GO AWAY. A LITTLE GOES A LONG WAY. A LONG GOES A LITTLE WAY. GOES ALONG THE WAY. Nothing like this is worth crying over. SLEEP. EAT. SING. GAME. POP. Not worth publishing. Too close. Too fast. Make-up looks phony. I could never run away because there is nothing to run away from. I think at one point I wanted to be a gangster so I could have an alternate family for when I felt nerdy about loving my parents.

I used to want to be very good at DDR and drink energy drinks and be familiar with anime shows but I never fit in. I only started fitting in when I stopped being so fake. Please delete your Facebook. Quit meat. It makes you feel like a hot air balloon. It takes a child to raise a village. (Mikes sticky note: it takes an army to raze a village) Dont ever let aesthetics frustrate you. Ever. When things are ugly around you, learn to be inside them using your brain. It makes things look familiar. VEGETARIANISM. Some beats just sound good. Who needs a fucking calculator. I want to go to a human convention. Answer questions. Question answers. Lifes no tunnel. Deaths no light. What if losers are the ones that keep and finders are the ones that weep? I bought twelve hundred sticky notes and theres no way Im gonna use them all. MANIFESTO REVOLUTION One time in January of 2010, I decided to do what the Manifesto flyer told me to do. The Manifesto flyer was a piece of paper that was tucked into Manifesto: The Anonymous Novel. It had ideas on it and it said to make copies and flood your school with them. Sam and I made a hundred copies. Then the next morning, Evan and Hero met up with us and we stuck them everywhere. We were very sketchy about it so we pretty much knew we were going to get caught.

The losers, pot heads, hipsters, assholes, art nerds, skater kids, and SPED students scrounged for the flyers like it was some fucking Easter egg hunt. It was incredible. We tucked them in bathrooms and in classrooms. Students yelled I FOUND ONE! Kids read them out loud in the hallways and I laughed. The preps, sluts, jocks, sports all-stars, bored bitches, and mindless robots pretended it was a bomb threat to get everybody worked up. Parents came to the school in tears when their Freshmen children called in fear of being blown up. Mr. S said he loves my ideas and thinks I have a great mind and he told me not to scare any more parents. I didnt get a detention. Evan wrote READ ME.I AM NOT A BOMB THREAT on a mirror above a sink-full of flyers in the boys bathroom. It was the best day of my high school life. When theres nothing left to burneverythings right to freeze. I want to go on a deaf date. I wonder why I can never get any sleep on a Sunday night. Its not the end, but its the end of what I know, ya know? Party hard. I dig. Kiss and tell. Hiss and yell. I want to die young. I want to live to be one hundred. Existence expands. My teeth stopped hurting. An expensive revolution. Once upon a time.once a happyevery time after a happily.the end.

Dont count your chickens before they hatch. Dont count on your un-hatched chickens. Out one ear, then in the other. Tomorrow, tell your favorite person that they are your favorite person. Eat conversations. Dont try to win. You choose precious boys to follow. Precious boys choose to follow you. All I can do is make music, add to my book, and try to stop being phony. Then I can leave. Yeah Im just really interested in drinking the flow of information that pours from your life into your Facebook statuses. Most nights, I should really be sleeping but I keep having ideas and they won't stop. I really like it. I have high friends in places. Sometimes I just love to eat energy drinks and meat burritos. Sometimes I love to break all my little rules that make me a stereotypical artist. Sometimes I like to swear too much. I love my friend Amy. Talking about this stuff makes me think of her. She is so smart and she laughs so hard all the time and we never get out of her car and I hide/leave shit in her glove compartment and under her seat and she pretends to get mad but I think she gets a kick out of it. She likes really great music and we just dance all the time and her dog is fucking huge and ridiculous. One is the best number in the whole world. My music teacher is deep. Somebody should draw speech bubbles everywhere like in hallways and stuff.

Gay people don't exist and neither do straight people. (See bullet number eight on page 109) Oh man I heard this excellent thing the other day. I was listening in on a conversation that was happening behind me at a play. It was before the play and these two girls were talking. One of them seemed girly and the other was kind of dykey and had a lower voice. The low-voiced one said "I just hate everyone." And the girly one said "Really? Why?" "No I don't really hate everyone. I actually don't hate anyone, I just try to be clever. At GSA meetings, that's my opening statement. I always say 'Hey, I'm Ally and I hate everyone so Im bi." I just love that so much and I laughed out loud. I can't stand people who hate and I can't stand sexuality labels but for some reason her casual way of saying that made it seem like she couldn't stand any of it either. And it was just so funny and rad that she was like "I just try to be clever." And then after that the girly one said "Didn't Nate go to GSA?" "Yeah he went to one meeting, pissed everyone off, and left." And then I laughed more. I don't know who Nate is but I wish I did. Jesus was a hippie zombie with dreds. TV is like Medusa. If you look right at its face you become motionless. Sometimes Im brain-dead with the rest of the world. We all use math every day. Give the universe to every person you meet. Im in love with every loser who ever lived. I never want my hands to leave. As long as I have hands, I have guitar, I have writing, I have drawing, typing, texting, holding, reaching, strumming! And my feet. I love to stand. I love to walk. Make comments. You probably shouldnt smoke cigarettes, but they make sense to me. 9

I miss people. I learned how to stop missing people. I hope someone reads my book. Im glad Im a girl but one thing Im jealous of is moustaches. Life is a montage of medleys. Life is a medley of montages. When everybody prays out loud, it sounds like a roar. All hymns sound the same. (A church bulletin writes: Creator God, you give us skills, gifts, and passions. You sculpt us with your love and grace.) WE SCULPT OURSELVES. IM PRETTY SURE IM THE REASON I HAVE PASSIONS. BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY. Jealousy rises body temperature. I wouldnt kiss a girl who would kiss a hunter. I could not love a phony. I cant sleep.

REGURGITATION IS THE RESULT OF SELFIDENTIFICATION.

Churn out smiles, dance on the faces of lovesick angels. A new alphabet + An old calendar = CHURCH Theres something about the Freshmen. A boy leaves a library book in the rain. No matter what happens, I still have these hands, ground to walk on, and the music in my head. All my friends have cars and lovers. All my friends got into colleges and lost their virginity. I'm lying in bed without my seat belt on. What are hearts racing against? There isn't even a finish line. Everyone is anxious to be alone.

10

Some beats and steal drums define what it's like to be inside somebody's mind. Time is a tempo. Kids are fake and I really like mirrors. My feet are both on squares of sunshine all the time. I only wish I always wore tube socks. I think about what it would be like if my friends read this book. Anxiety is itchy. Fake Palindromes by Andrew Bird. My fingertips are permanent. What if Jesus had died younger? Of disease or natural disaster? I think his story would still exist. As far as I know, a hurricane brought Jesus and his house down and he never got to heal anybody's eyes or anything. Jesus was some kind of fucking wizard. Now whenever I'm inside of a city, I try not to feel any doubt so I can pretend like I'm still in your heart. If I was a bird with feathers, I would hang onto the ones that fell off. I would want to fly at the front of the V so that I could feel like the string of a marionette. I'm just trying to draw a book that looks like the inside of my mind. I don't like fiction. Color outside the lines and put a tooth under your pillow. I like the Beatles but I don't love them a lot. I don't like to take a lot of pictures. I don't wear plaid things. I don't wear Vans even though that's my nickname. I don't know how to play the drums. I don't like wearing big headphones in public. I dont do Facebook and I dont Skype. Im not adorable. Im not shy. Im not dangerous or thrilling. Im not a dude. Im not your type.

11

I like the cloth band-aids but not any other kind of band-aid. I have a friend who smells really good. And one who has cool hands and one who always looks like she's looking far away. I have a friend who texts back really fast and one who likes the sun and one who is clean. A lot of my friends make art and music and not many of them play sports. It would be cold to live in a stone castle. Kids are suicidal. I wish the hallways had carpets and we were allowed to be barefoot or just wear socks. I want to make a sandwich for a homeless person. Like, a really good sandwich with roast beef or something. Hatred leads to self-resentment. Anything you can do to somebody else you can do to yourself. High school is pornographic. Sticky, thick, hot, pornographic drama fills people's faces. Drop everything you have. Leave your bags on the floor and just fucking LOVE everybody. No matter how much you worry, things WILL work out. Days keep coming, life keeps happening. Music keeps playing, the sun keeps shining, and you will just keep breathing until you're too dead to know the difference. LIFE IS HAPPENING. THINGS ARE OKAY. I'm not positive and I'm not inspirational. I'm not realistic. I just believe that everybody can orchestrate their lives to be beautiful, so they should. I'm not trying to better anybody's life. Happiness is not the goal. The goal is YOUR goal. If your goal is bliss, go find it, okay? But that's not the ideal goal, it's not ultimate. Goals are extremely personal. As in, they vary from person to person. My goal is authenticity, and to find the people who make sense. It'll probably be different in the morning. But don't just chase down happiness because the movies tell you to.

12

Escort urgencies. A wish is like a kidney stone in my brain. Dont be so common. No one does it like you. High school is A nightmare. A porno. A contest. A question. Circle words you like. Cleanse yourself of drama. Stay still. Still stay. Blind people see more than we do. Maddie says I am afraid of the light. Amy says Lifes the best its ever gonna get. The best part about depression is youre not scared of dying. Im excited about all the people Ive been and all the people I might be. Connor wants to be everything. Order of out Crazy famous people Janitors painted over my graffiti. Graphiti. I had a dream that someone hacked into my phone and fucked it up. A man saved as I love you in my contacts kept calling me at 2 a.m. Each morning I would ignore the call.

13

Since I was little, my worst nightmares have been about fucked up electronics. When I was very young I dreamed our computer was making a very loud, low-toned noise and the screen went gray and I couldnt fix it. Its very scary. If you just cant shake a feeling, its alright because that means it cant shake you either. Save some fishies for the water. Theres a skeleton in each of us. School is a change machine. Theres a video on Youtube of the song The Winner Is from the Little Miss Sunshine soundtrack. I read through the comments. One of them said I woke up at 3am last night, played this song and cried my eyes out then went back to sleep.

14

MY FIRST IDEAS
I WROTE THESE OVER A YEAR AGO So there was this fox and he could stretch out like an accordion. It was crazy shit. He lived in a log and the log could stretch out too. So it was fitting for the fox. There was a cactus and he liked to sing, but since its clearly obvious that cacti are incapable of singing, he wasnt allowed to join the choir. So he went to the police and told them he was being discriminated against and that he is sick of his job at the carnival because hes actually never told anyone this but [hes allergic to cotton candy] he had a bad experience with one of the members of the freak show [all he wants to do is sing]. Im done with my stories. I have found people who appreciate my letters including the order in which I place them. I can decide what my art is and what my music will sound like, thank you anyway. People only know the extent of what their brains let them. Manifest something ugly without a plan to color it in. Study. Read, listen, speak, meditate. I FEAR LOOSING SELF AWARENESS. [evolution.] To be truly happy, one must first realize that it is all the same; a love for a woman, a love for a drug, a love for a god. Its the love for a song. One day this [will be] [was] clear. Does the course of life occur in one strip, a hair, or is it conducted in a pool or lake? A BALL OF YARN. THATS FUCKING BRILLIANT. To attach is to grab hold with every possible action. Laws, rules fall away. Common sense falls away. Muttering after-tones. Fucking bound up in a sweet package of frustration. Anxiety is swirling in my head as I revisit December. What fun it was. Sixty-eight etches. Renew. Start over.

15

There are too many restrictions in writing. Not enough room, not enough time, not enough ink to get it all down. Cows can be my paints. I have rejected idea of differentiation lately. There has to be differentiation, but within that there can always be oneness. This is a story I wrote about a night when I painted a chicken instead of having a panic attack. Im excited. Last night I was taken away by a hearse with tall men in orange hats! They took me to a place with a green sky and I met the most beautiful chicken Ive ever seen. He let me take a picture. The sky was speckled with red and yellow. Orange air. So thick and beautiful. Aluminum tubes of beautiful noises smeared onto a stretched out sky. Now empty. Not empty though. They are more beautiful now. Now its the picture the chicken let me take.

16

LIVEJOURNAL ENTRIES
The first is the most recent. It goes backwards from February 2010 to November 2009. FEBRUARY. I am sad music: The Books "I am sick and sad. But you are my best friend, and we are sad at the same times." fuck. music: Lemon Jelly I am panicking about islands. I go over them in my head. I want to walk and never stop walking. Left-handed ideas Most things can't be measured. Never say forever. Days are not separate. Fantasies are potentials. I've never watched someone turn the lights on. What if fire built instead of destroyed? These letters are imperfect. I can't focus. Suffering/depression is what happens when our blindfolds slip off. Yoga is heat. Experience your breath. We are all connected to the earth. People who say that's hippy crap are forgetting that it is scientifically proven that we are connected by gravity. 17

Hillary Swank, reminiscence, and over-stimulating vacations (all suck) mood: deep rest music: Tunng I am depressed again. Everything has turned to shit as I knew it would. My dreams are powerful and ideal. I went to an art museum and it was life changing and raw. I didn't cry until I got home and laid down. I watched a movie about a little girl and Hillary Swank. I didn't cry while I texted, I didn't cry the night before. I cried when I was in my bed again, and saw a bunch of empty Capri Suns next to my bed. I cried when I got under my comforter, which smelled like sleep and Burt's Bees and laundry detergent. I almost cried on the way to the mall on Tuesday but I didn't because it would have been foolish. at the bottom of everything mood: deep rest music: matt and kim I feel low. I don't like arguing. The Freshmen are turning out to all be the same. I cried a lot last night, which I usually don't do. I miss when things were really good. I'm scared for these twenty weeks I have to get through before I can leave. I don't like Mitchell Davis, I think he is dumb and I'm tired of people talking about him all the time. I'm exhausted and sad. I'm kind of pathetic. I've played through half of Zelda Wind Waker without turning my Wii off. I feel kind of like a loser. I know I'll be fine soon. JANUARY. makes sense mood: excited music: Dosh squeeze at lemons fix your coat pots and pans clutter streets 18

fixed toneography blinks in my brain pushes it all in place anticipation for the dream that smoothes down prickly waves all jumbled in a row exhilaration licking at the bottoms of my shoes Delete your facebook, your myspace, your inherited ideas, your comfortable tendencies. The year of the cock. lmao. mood: amazing music: Bexar Bexar A full moon you could barely see and rain that came like magic and people that smelled so good those people who you look at and just feel so content with how people can be. supah rad. DECEMBER. I never write on Thursdays mood: mellow music: Grizzly Bear It's New Year's Eve and today is the perfect day for it to be on. There's a blue moon tonight, and also it's going to rain. I've been living at this sort of different pace, and I'm comfortable with the amount of light that's let it. That's cheesy, that's not 19

what I'm trying to say...I'm saying, people need to come to peace with the negative things in life because they are beautiful too. That's what I mean; everything is beautiful right now, even the ugly things. Be abstract. Live in peace with yourself. It's the only peace you'll ever find, but it's infinite. Random shit. row row row your boat pop goes the weasel three little pigs fixed up their paint and scratched it on an easel There's snow on the floor mood: uncomfortable Fixated on the manipulated. If psychology was a hard science, I wouldn't believe it. Swirls of girls who penetrate assurance hover over the belated path. Dying trees lay across the earth decompose before the jesters inspect your work Quit pushing yourself around Some songs pluck me out of place grind up my philosophies drag yourself along the floor. I'm done trying to explain my reasoning. Existence music: Bexar Bexar It's a castle of cards, a red design I love the friends that hold the line keep it there, it looks just fine soon inside we'll get to dine. 20

Mrs. W is actually really pretty music: Ugly Casanova I found things. I am the universe's imaginary friend. NOVEMBER. Ideas that are stuck in my head mood: cold music: Ingrid Michaelson people from the edge of the cliff they've seen more blood than I could ever hope to deal with with nothing but feathers and paints to blame can up food for when they're all dead write on the ceilings and pray for a dream to be honest, it looks jumbled to me pillow cases aren't big enough for this lift up your face and groan at the clouds crows can tell what you think about try not to shake or move, please hold still the cold will brush over eventually hiss at the fools who made it this way hide in phone booths and run out of air it will all tie together at the end of the day Mrs. B This will ring loud in my head for the rest of my life: "Why don't you accept yourself? You need to stop pretending you're someone you're not. You are not a person who can do one thing at a time. You are not a person who associates with dull people. You do not get involved in boring relationships. You plunge into dangerous communications, you let yourself love as loud as you can. Quit trying to hide that. It's not wrong, it's exciting!

21

You're not a person who's going to be able to survive here. You cannot live in Sandwich. You need to get out of here. You're not the kind of person who lives at home, and you're not the kind of person who would be successful in college right after high school. Leave, make your music, do your art, and amplify your relationships as loud as you want! No one is going to criticize you once you're out of this prison. Do the time. Get the degree. And get off this sand bar. Go back to class." Music music: illustrates existence To me, it is the only proof I have of sincere existence. It is reality; it is the successful communication of original ideas. It is the life force that sustains us when we've got nothing left. It is purely authentic and globally understood. Early percussionists set a tempo for the world and named the song Time. It is the only infinite, the only definite, the only guarantee. The strings hum about the details of existence. The timpani bellows and throbs like a heartbeat. Wood and brass and silver all push out song like wind. Electronic tones and pulsing sine drums talk about the immediate, and harpsichords reminisce. When everything has fallen away, when everyone has repainted their masks, there's really not much else to do but to let music hum to you. When all your energy is drained, you can just...plug into your iPod and recharge. Places I've been mood: awake Cafes in book stores and violins and giant arch ways and long pianos and snow and large windows and harpsichords and wooden desks and grey paintings and small vases and bent cages and roller coasters and pullies and stages with red lights and long curtains Fluorescent lights and spongy ceilings and sheets that smell like hotels and strange food and people groaning in the hallways and easels and large black sweatshirts and word puzzles and reality television shows and dominoes and criminals and brown paper bags 22

Musky seats and sturdy wheels and plastic window frames and old blue pillows and electric suits of green and giant mushrooms in the sky and music blasting until it's fuzzy and cigarettes and tiny mirrors and shopping malls and large pine trees and the elementary school at night Freshmen and scarves and pencil sharpeners and children who won't cut class and text books and straight hair and straight girls and We the Living concerts and glow sticks and high pitched voices that talk about who kissed who where on Tuesday at tech crew Earth and long wooden planks and old bikes and side walks and bird houses and large green boats and buckets and pails and chicken with rice and sugary sodas and chapter books and couches with complicated designs and inappropriate television shows Midnight and a white telephone and a series of unanswered rings and a bottle of grapefruit juice and a pair of scissors and snow outside the window and Christmas drawing near and disappointed parents and a box of band-aids and Game Cube and a bathroom mirror Waves of heat and iPod touches and air planes and new ideas and a girl who blew the rest away and summer school and Jake and parties and strange new friends and grass and Bob Marley and brick walkways and toaster ovens and tents in the woods Libraries and Rastafarian ideas and Botany and corn and Cliff Bars and ramps covered in graffiti and live music and pills and paper hearts and failing grades and white shoes and skinny jeans and dirt paths and walks that last til the sun goes down

23

IDEAS FROM WHEN I HAD AN IPOD TOUCH

Ideas: May 10-27 As of May 10, 2009. A man with the head of some kind of horse or a cow or something like that. Something suspended in the sky instead of clouds like probably mushrooms or maybe something less clich like watermelons. Trees growing out of the sun or the moon. What if blood is just paint that fills up the sacks of skin we call "humans" and it was supposed to spill in the name of Art? A hand with a bunch of pinkies and a bunch of thumbs and they swirl and twist and dance in the dark. As of May 11, 2009. Blood and white acrylics make orange. The washed-up rain stick is hollow in all the right places like a wailing widow. Time travel is completely possible. If time and space are interconnected and we can move along massive amounts of space, this is time travel. If taking three steps takes three seconds, this is time travel in is simplest state. Every simple state must have some kind of complex version. Therefore, time travel is possible, we just have yet to discover how to alter this simple state in a way that it can be reversed or moved at a rate faster or slower than the default. As of May 12, 2009. Better run away, birds. You'll get squished by the stones of the thunder. [now it's raining bones]

24

So very tired and she's so very worried. At some moments, time completely freezes and glazes over and an image is snapped of that instant with my Polaroid camera and as the picture develops, I sit and watch the fog slowly fade from the slick paper and the image gets revealed. In the mean time, everyone else goes about at the regular pace. As of May 13, 2009. This is false, clich, and redundant. More clich sentences are brought to my attention, only this time it brings salt in my eyes. If it's true, I'll be upset. I find such beauty in these rusty moments. I do remember the pure happiness of sunlight and rain, but sometimes it's necessary to dig up the grime and muck and to paint with mud on the stretched-out canvas. A windmill burns to the ground in front of me. As of May 14, 2009. I once had a heart-to-heart with a magic bus driver. You just have to accept the fact that you're not real. I saw magic octopuses and they told me that it's going to be okay and the sea turtles and the stinging rays backed him up. My depression is an art project. As of May 15, 2009 Hopefully after this awful battle, I'll be able to write more about it. I feel a sense of wholeness and safety radiating from my fingertips to my toes in an outline of light blue. As of May 16, 2009. My brain is empty and numb today. I'm excited and anxious to get home. I'm scared to see what I'll 25

be like when I get back. As of May 17, 2009 So maybe I'm supposed to go back to that magic state of mind as to think with real clarity as opposed to false clarity. Out of real clarity comes long-lasting understanding and innocent happiness and balanced bliss. Out of real clarity comes connection with other people who are experiencing real clarity, and from that, words and ideas can be effectively exchanged. This is ideal. Out of false clarity comes a blind comfort, a satisfaction easily obtained. It brings heavy amounts of sticky attention. I crave this atmosphere. I blame the pick-pocketer. A one-eyed monster looking out onto a field of yellow dandelions. As of May 18, 2009. I saw a tiny person in my stove and since the stove light was on and it was all I could see, I figured he wanted to show me something. I sat on the kitchen floor and peered into the stove to see what he had to say. He looked very determined to get his point across. I feel awful because I didn't stay long enough to see what he had to show me. Hopefully the next time I look into the stove, he will be there and then he can show me whatever he was gonna show me. As of May 19, 2009. Tomorrow I have a speech to give and a race to run. I bask too deeply in the company of my dark companions. [This isn't a war. It's an extermination.] As of May 21, 2009. And now I'm in the hospital. The widow put toxins in my blood this morning, causing a ruckus. White men had to pull it out. 26

As of May 22, 2009. Theres this sickeningly sweet toxin in the air, the kind they put in cigarettes, the kind they use to put sick dogs down. Maybe I'm just a sick dog. [I feel like there's nothing left to do but prove myself to you] As of May 23, 2009. Not many ideas today. Only that I miss her. Will I start missing them both? As of May 24, 2009. I'm trapped! Right now, in this instant!! I've now got it on record. I'm stuck in this second!!!! Gahhhh get me out, pull me out of this complex vortex of confused gravity and salt whipping around in the sky and the moon is hidden by the scars on my eyes! False agreements and rebuttals and tokens of understanding make it that much harder for me to connect. Maybe it's a sign that she's not the one I'm supposed to be connecting to. As the sirens sang and pulled me closer, my eyes censored the edges of my vision. I let the tree's vines grow around my ankles. I let its fruit feed me until it was all my body could digest. I am here now. I still sit here with uncomfortable indigestion and anxiety. The painfully ironic thing is that the oak knows of my longing for the sapling, but not of the deceitful song I sing at the oak's expense. The sapling doesn't know how much it's burning my skin, and its fake limbs hold me up in teasing support. I'm sure this victimized oak would be upset if it found out I was using it as an excuse for my insanity. As of May 25, 2009. A foreign creature tried to give me words of blankets and pillows. The oak labeled this beautiful. Her sudden agreement with my view of this false perspective gave me an unexplainable kind of comfort.

27

As of May 26, 2009. That look. That gut-stabbing look. It pours out of its cauldron like steam and into the airs of reality. Terrifying. It sinks into my eyeballs and melts the inside of my brains. It crawls like an inchworm down my neck, down my spine until it gets into my nervous system. It spreads through my veins and my muscles, the pink and red and blue threads that control my arms. How toxic. As of May 26, 2009. [I need a gun cause all I do is dance] I want to be talking to someone else right now. And now there's a parade of those ridiculous Chinese dragons. (I miss having these kinds of ideas. Its now May 2010, and my imagination has gone from explosive and colorful to perplexed and organized. I am glad that my ideas make more sense now, though.)

28

Clouds pile up. Make the news, get your face on the front of a magazine. Someone over the rainbow. Thats not the point. There is no point. Points are sharp and dangerous. Avoid them. Muscles are better off burnt than rusty. An energy drink is a can of poison, chemicals, and false excitement.

REVOLUTION
Clouds lined with silver. Silver lined with clouds. Over vacation, I plan to stay up all night and snooze through the cold mornings so I can wake up in the middle of warm afternoons. Build and imperfect utopia. Hypnotize yourself. Its a good thing ignorance is bliss, because I dont want either of those things. The electric chair is a tool of avoidance. The chair only wanted to be sat on. The razor only wanted to cut carpets. The Sudafed only wanted to get rid of colds. The aerosol can only wanted to clean tubs. The tobacco only wanted to photosynthesize. All those people who say All I want to do is dance should get together and

dance forever.

Dont ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody. Im calming down and winding up. Holy crap I cant believe I wrote a whole entire book.

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30

THE SECOND CHAPTER:

THEORIES

PHILOSOPHIES. ADOLESCENT RANTS. OPINIONS.

Please dont be offended. Open your brain. 31

Your brain is play dough. It doesnt matter how old you are. You have a clay mind. The only consistency is color, which can represent personality or soul or essence or whatever. Constantly let things mold it. Mold it yourself, just HAVE opinions for crissake. Because if you dont continuously kneed it, roll it, pat it down, its going to harden and youre not going to be able to shape it anymore. My opinions are putty. They are real but they are never eternal. They changed tomorrow. They will change yesterday.

LOVE VS. HATE

I dont hate. I hate hate. I am a hypocrite. Hypocrisy is hypocritical. It is only toxic when used as an act of criticism. We are all hypocrites, fools, children, losers, heroes. People say that without dark, there can be no light. With no hate, there can be no love. I dont believe in hate. I dont believe in love. All hate can be stripped and boiled until the anger has diminished to sadness. Hatred is a blind, hot disease. Sadness is what happens when our blindfolds fall off. Through sadness, we can experience clarity, ideas, eventual healing, and above all the avoidance of inflicting pain. As for love, I am skeptical of its sincere existence. I believe that a human can feel deep passion, painful longing, or mutual bliss with another. I believe one can love their self, their dog, the trees, anything. This happens the way humans hate each other, disease, war, paper cuts. But like hate, I do not think that love brings clarity or strength. I dont believe in true love. If love was true, we would all be lying. I always say dont hate to people. It isnt because I dont believe in it, though. It is because I think it puts toxins in the air and in ears. I wouldnt say dont love just because I am skeptical. A parallel to my last comment: I do not believe in heaven or hell. However I strive to experience heaven on earth, and to avoid hell on earth. Assume love is heaven, hate is hell. Fictional places. I have felt love. I have been to heaven. I have been in love. I have felt heaven. I have dreaded hell. I have avoided hate. I have been to hell. I have dreaded hate. 32

All these adventures happen in my head. Hate kills. Love kills. Dont buy too far into either.

MUSIC
Patience is no virtue. Elaboration leads to validity. Cover art determines popularity. Music is orchestrated air. Fools pretend they love it more than their neighbor. Just because you understand the chemical formula of oxygen does not mean you breathe any more sincerely. Listen to music. Hear those songs that you can feel in the back of your neck or the pit of your stomach. Songs are little cars. They come by when you open cans. OPEN CANS. Let things out, empty cans. When something very sad or memorable or lovely happens, you open a can. A little car drives by, you hear a song. When a car comes by at the same time you empty a can, you tie the empty can to the little car. If it comes by again when youre opening another can, you tie that on too. Some little cars have dozens of your empty cans on them. They drive by and clang and just make a lot of noise and watching it makes you cry. Or thats what happens to me at least.

DEATH
People have got the wrong idea about death. Death is entirely dependant on ones individual perspective, ones expectations, and ones level or fear and anticipation. Death, in my theory, is a distorted concept. My theory is a byproduct of incredulous reluctance to accept death, and a fear of things coming to an absolute end. Death is the absence that stings our friends when it happens to us. 33

Some people theorize death is the parallel of the realm we were in before we were born. That is impossible. Existing is the biggest thing that will ever happen to you. There is no going back. Death is the inverse of pre-birth. Also I have this theory that you can live forever. Imagine time as the x axis of a graph. A line graph. When we are born, a point is placed. There is only one way to go on the x axis. You move right, you move forward in time until one day you stop moving in time and you are dead and it is over. Your x value is a real number, an age. 67, 21, 2, 100, 0. Thats all you get and no one knows how much they will get. Thats all people typically see. Think about the y axis and what it could represent. I think it stands for VOLUME of existence. For example, maybe when you are sitting in class, being lectured, and wishing you were not alive, you are at 2. Maybe going to punk shows brings you to 100. BUT LISTEN. THERE ARE MOMENTS. In which you can peak up to infinity. You reach down across the axis, into the positive and negative numbers, into every number there can be. A revelation, enlightenment, a miracle, giving birth, making love, a song, a girl from high school. CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN. If you can reach infinity in a moment, you will live forever. Find the things that make you feel infinite. (WEVE ALL DIED ALREADY. I WANTED TO SAVE ALL THE LIVES THAT WERE IN FRONT OF ME. SHOW LOVE. FEEL LOVE. FAKE LOVE.)

PAST VS. PRESENT

Everything on this planet is a result of past occurrences. Trees are large because of seed fertilization and time. Rocks are shaped by erosion. Houses are here because we built them. We decorate rooms and create moods. Our environment is completely dependant on the past. Some theorize that the past is dead, but it is as alive as everything we know to exist. 34

Humans, in the spiritual and emotional sense, are also products of the past. Things that happen create who we are. We remember, we reminisce, we experience nostalgia. I have a theory that the only existence that is present is the physical human body. Yes, we grow, we scar, we discolor, but the body is immediate. I cannot think of any other concept that is present in the way our bodies are.

IM NOT AGNOSTIC. THIS ISNT ABOUT GOD.

There is something out there, I swear it. I fear writing about it because of the overwhelming disdain I feel towards fucking phony writers. I never want to sound fake. I never want to use superfluous vocabulary. (Im trying to be clever) I fear age because I know very little due to my lack of education, but as time goes by and I learn longer words and bigger theories, I fear I will lose the raw angst I have. There is something. A realm, a sense, a man, a word, a song, a world, a dimension, a fluid.I have no goddamn idea what it is but there has to be something other than stone and grass and houses and people and headphones and minimum wages. There is something nobody will talk about. Im referring to that twang of random panic one gets when they realize they will someday be in dirt. Im talking about that indefinable category so many concepts are placed under. Why does one man believe in Christ while his neighbor relies on science? What determines these balances? Why are so few exceptionally intelligent? I want to be able to fit more in my brain. What if I am not that smart? 143 is only a number. A number that I am sure is exaggerated by the invalidity of IQ tests and probably no longer applies to my damaged mind. Something pops in your brain. Go ahead and call it God, but Im desperate for a new name.

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(Dont be offended by this next bit. I am just trying to be clever. I know I generalize but that is the point.)

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING SPECIAL IF

You are depressed You are tired Your parents yell at you You can play a musical instrument You are sick of high school You dont like your job You are small You are lost You are alone You have ADD You want to run away You had a strange childhood You get picked on You procrastinate You died. Because EVERYBODY would check off at least ten of these. FIND THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT ARE SMALL AND INTERESTING AND COLLECT THEM. WE KNOW YOU ARE TIRED.

NEWMANS OWN ORANGE MANGO TANGO

THIS IS NOT PRODUCT PLACEMENT, IT IS FACT. Orange Mango Tango is the best juice ever created by anybody anywhere at any time. You can argue with me but I know Im right. If youve never heard of it (which also means youve never met me), Ill try to explain it. But really there is no way to experience it truly without running to the grocery store and picking some up. Its only $2.50 for a carton. Its next to the orange juice with the other (inferior) Newmans Own juices. 36

I was trying to tell my friend Alex how glorious it is, and I think I used something along the lines of these words: It is the most delicious combination of fruits. They combine pure, pulpless orange juice, the succulent and plump experience of eating a mango, and a direct, liquid-form extract of tango dancing. I speak the truth, ladies and gentlemen. Not only all of that, but it has been proven (to me) to cure a myriad of seemingly incurable symptoms! This is not fact so dont sue me but its also not fiction so try it. Orange Mango Tango cures colds, headaches, sore throats, stomach pains, muscle cramps, thirst, hunger, insomnia, depression, confusion, anger, boredom, hatred, sweatiness, bad breathe, loneliness, anxiety, writers block, heartbreak, and I think maybe cancer but I donno Ive never had cancer. But if I did Id try Orange Mango Tango before any other treatment. TIMES THAT WERE MADE BETTER BECAUSE I HAD ORANGE MANGO TANGO A hot summers day spent with David, driving around and jammin out to music. Accompanied by alphabet Cheeze-Its. A long afternoon spent working on my book and organizing things. Accompanied by a tomato and black bean burrito. A warm day after school spent walking around with Alex. Accompanied by an entire roll of cookie dough and trail mix. A sad, dark morning spent at home instead of school, watching My Sisters Keeper. Accompanied by Chips Ahoy cookies. A rad half day spent with Megs, goin to Gutsys and making music. Accompanied by this summers first brownie sundae. An hour-long walk to Stop and Shop with Alex, spreading the word of Mango Tango to celebrators of 420. Accompanied by tortellini with sun-dried tomatoes and olives. A windy Thursday spent sleeping in Amys car in the parking lot of Dunkin Donuts. Accompanied by a vanilla frosted donut and half a jelly stick. An afternoon meant to be spent practicing for a coffeehouse, but instead was spent hosing a gallon of ketchup off a driveway, getting drenched, and dancing. Accompanied by ridiculous Indian food. 37

TIMES THAT WERE MADE WORSE BECAUSE I HAD ORANGE MANGO TANGO That one time I brushed my teeth and then drank Orange Mango Tango. REASONS I LIKE ORANGE MANGO TANGO The word LEGEND is on the box which just makes my life better. The description on the box cracks me up. Go read it. It cures everything. Theres no high fructose corn syrup in it. Most of my friends like it. Its easy to carry around. It tastes good even when its not really cold. FOOD THAT TASTES BETTER WHEN YOURE DRINKING ORANGE MANGO TANGO Burritos A marble bagel with cream cheese Chocolate chip cookies Ham Pop tarts Mexican burritos Anything with chocolate in it Chicken wings with hot sauce and ranch dressing Hawaiian burritos Hot peppers Nachos with chili and guack and everything else A chicken ceaser fajita with sour cream on the side Breakfast burritos Pretty much anything else you could think of

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NURITION FACTS Ingredients: Pure Filtered Water, Sugar, Orange Juice Concentrate, Mango Puree, Citric Acid, Passionfruit Juice Concentrate, True Love, Ascorbic Acid, Natural Flavor. WHEN TO DRINK ORANGE MANGO TANGO After yoga, before hiking, while youre walking, before yoga, when you wake up, with any/every meal, while youre sleeping, or just always would be fine. HOLY CORUMBA! HOW TABANGO DID TANGO DANGO!

WHEN I GROW UP
I want to be a mooch. I want to be kind of scummy. I want to have only three outfits and eat cans of food and burritos. I want to live in cities and meadows and woods and on roads. I will follow people around and talk to them and borrow their clothes and let them spend nights in my apartment. I hope I make music and maybe become kind of famous. I hope to be on Youtube and have a blog and that people come to my shows. I want to paint everywhere and everything and everyone. I want to inspire everybody to write everywhere. I want to have every kind of animal and just carry them around and share food. I hope I am a street performer or something. I want to do something nobodys done. I want to carry a wagon around with food in it and people can take some and put some in. I want to buy a buggy with a horse and just ride around everywhere and maybe have a bed inside it. I want to live in some small country town. Id love to move to a hillbilly area and have late night shows in an open park. I would set up Christmas lights all around and set up my stage with wooden crates and stools and people would come hear me sing and kids would join. Men with banjos could play too and just dance and drink beer and everybody would jump around.

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I want to live by myself in some woods and drink from a creek and sleep in a tree with a tarp on top so I wouldnt get drenched when it rained. I want to hike everywhere and be barefoot. I want to get all scratched up. I wish I could move to a city with underground cults and scary things like that. I wish I could be in a loud nonsense band that was obsessed with revolution. I would do lots of drugs and run in alleys and maybe even sleep on the streets with my friends and some dogs. I would have scarves for the winter and tank tops for the summer. I would smoke all day and paint graffiti at night and be one of those revolutionary hipsters. I hope someday I get to go to space. I want to live in space where there is no gravity and food is freeze-dried and there is a chance of explosion at any second. I hope I get to sleep in a floating sleeping bag next to some really cool astronauts. I want to live with lions because they are so beautiful. I wonder if they like being kings. I want to buy a gigantic house that is really shitty. I really wish that I could just find a group of musicians, loners, potheads, chefs, poets, and painters to live in a huge house with. It would be so incredible to live with like ten people all in one place that was really run down so wed have something to work on. Imagine it, we could paint everything up to be real weird and just have giant mirrors or makeshift curtains or just really weird rugs in every room. It would be so much fun and we could eat weird peppers and rice and drink Newmans Own Orange Mango Tango every day. Maybe my huge house could be this incredible place that people could come to and drink juice and just play music really loud. They could buy food from me or buy my book or add to it. They could write on my walls or on the floor or on the fridge. God that would just be so rad. I hope someday I calm down a little bit and maybe get married and have kids and stuff. I would never be normal though, and NEVER realistic. Not EVER. I would have little tots that could dress all studious and it would be so cute. I would take them to the zoo ALL the time and we could just watch Baby Einstein because I love that show anyway and Im not even a baby.

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I hope someday I end up going to Africa for a while with my friends and hopefully we can learn some of the language and make African friends. I would bring clothes and food and tents for people who dont have a place to crash. And then we could sing and dance all day and hopefully one of my African friends would teach me how to play the drum. I would love that. Then at night we could lie outside and look at all the stars and feel the scorching night heat. How incredible. I want to one day go crazy and isolate myself for like a year. I want to write a hundred songs. I want to make a hundred paintings and a hundred books. I want to live in a hot attic with three computers and hundreds of books stacked all around me. I want little instruments like telescopes and compasses and just go insane about the shape of the world or wordplay or a terrible heartbreak. I wish I could live in Hawaii. I wish I could surf. Ive never been surfing but I hope I get the chance. I totally wish I could be a surfer chick and wear hemp jewelry and eat lobster every day and have lots of friends who also play ukulele. I want to cut down a tree and make a surfboard and a ukulele out of that one tree. I want to believe in old Hawaiian legends. I want to live in the mountains of India in a little, beautiful building with nothing but a bed and a gong. I would love to be a monk or something and mediate for twenty-four hours every day. I would do so much yoga and breathe really deep all the time. I would stand outside with my feet planted firm in the grass and stare out at the mountains. I would want there to be terrible monsoons to stand and bathe in. I want to live in Japan or somewhere in Asia. Id want to be an artist or maybe one of those people that dances inside the big dragon heads during parades. I just really like the idea of never wearing shoes and sitting on the floor when you eat. I want to live in Amsterdam. I dont know a lot about it though so I wont elaborate. I hope someday I get to live in a stone house. I want to live in a house made of rocks with the boy who wrote Manifesto. He wrote about growing beans and working in the sun and wiping the mucus off his face. I want to do that so bad.

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I want to live inside hills with round doors, like little Hobbit houses. I want to play folk music and have horses and chickens and run on dirt paths. I want to build bridges and move bales of hay around for people. I want to pick apples. Id love to live in Jamaica. I would love to never have to shave again. I want dreads with beads in them and I want to play Reggae music forever. Too bad I am very white. Thats okay, I know a lot of white Rasta girls and theyre rad. I want to live on a boat. I wish pirates would take me away so I could be one. I want to be covered in salt water all the time. I want to wear baggy trousers with rope to keep them up. I want to carry a silly sword and climb all over the ship. Id swab the deck during the day and get drunk at night. I want to sleep in a hammock. I wish I could be part of a traveling circus. I want to live with a huge bunch of fools and lions and elephants and freaks and assholes that rip people off. I want to have my own bus thats got my name painted on it. I hope someday I get to be part of one of those really pretentious indie-rock groups that go on tour and make documentaries and inspire lost kids who dont know what to do with their personalities. I hope I can get really emotional about it and worry about make-up and be in music videos. I want to graduate high school. I hope I do not fail Precalc and I hope I can keep getting money from teaching guitar lessons. I want to have a very good summer. I know this is a lot of stuff but I bet I can get it all done by the time I die.

THIS IS THAT
MADNESS IS THE BYPRODUCT OF UPSET DOCTORS AND DISSAPOINTED MOTHERS. CELL PHONES ARE AN EXTENSION OF THIS PLANETS ELONGATED OBSESSION WITH ITSELF. VIOLENT FILMS ARE PORNOGRAPHY. GUNS ARE SEX TOYS.

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WAR IS MASTURBARTION. SELF-MUTILATION IS RENIVATION. RENIVATION IS SELF-MUTILATION. SQUARE ROOTS ARE MAN-MADE. TEMPERATURE IS CONDITIONAL. MONEY WILL MAKE US FAT. NIGHT LIGHTS ARE ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF NECCESSATIES WE DISPOSE OF AT PUBERTY. COMEDY IS MORE CLEANSING THAN HIS AFTER-SHAVE OR HER EXPENSIVE FACE WIPES. MEN ARE FILTHY. WOMEN ARE TOXIC. KIDS KNOW MORE THAN TEACHERS. MIND-NUMBING REVELATIONS ARE ETERNAL. For an instant, I am alone. I hear a sound, a hypnotizing melody with a fatal bass tone. It doesnt hit me in the ear drum. I feel it in the backs of my legs. I feel it in my hands and I get very warm and my heart starts pounding. My eyes fixate on something random, and I get very dizzy. An awareness of something I normally cannot see. A sudden pang of self-contempt. My compositions are repetitive. My writings are redundant. Each idea mimics the last. Each phrase imitates the latter. I use distasteful wording to fake differentiation. I use cacophonous letters to stage diversity.

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AUTHENTIC IDEAS AND PORNOGRAPHIC RESENTMENT

Ideas lead to conversation. Conversation leads to contemplation. Contemplation leads to renovation. Renovation leads to the absence of familiarity. The absence of familiarity leads to longing. Longing leads to sadness. Sadness leads to genuine thought. Genuine thought leads to eventual inner peace. Inner peace leads to authenticity.

ALSO
Resentment leads to bitterness. Bitterness leads to discomfort. Discomfort leads to avoidance. Avoidance leads to phoniness. Phoniness leads to the loss of self. The loss of self leads to disguise. Disguise leads to lust. Lust leads to pornography.

HOMOSEXUALITY
Before I piss anybody off, I want to apologize for any offense you might take. Understand I have immense respect for homosexuals. Three years ago I realized I like girls and I told everybody about it. Some people got uncomfortable but I had pride so I didnt care. I cut my hair and wore rainbows and listened to Tegan and Sara and I was a lesbian.

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People taunted me and called me dyke and I mock-flirted with girls to taunt them back. I had girlfriends who held my hand. This year I realized that the words gay and lesbian do one of three things to people. (1) make them very uncomfortable, (2) allow them to feel open-minded, accepting, and look hip, or (3) make them proud about nothing. Its not even a thing. Homosexuality means you like to have sex with someone who isnt opposite. Also it means you will fall in love (if you believe in it) with somebody of the same sex. IT IS NOT A CULTURE. IT IS NOT A FASHION STATEMENT. IT IS NOT A MUSIC GENRE. Gays and lesbians complain about discrimination and cultural discomfort. Alright brothers and sisters, lets further alienate ourselves by creating organizations, subcultures, websites, and clothing. I just dont tell people anymore. If somebody asks, I say I dig chicks and also I date them. Im no lesbian. Im just a person. The day gays and lesbians come together and drop their labels is the day all the homophobes realize everyone is just people. The word faggot will die with the word gay. The word dyke will die with the word lesbian.

PILLS
You dont need Prozac. You dont need Aderall for crissake. If your depression and anxiety are ruining your life and tearing it apart, I understand. Take the vitamin to get back onto your feet because you are in a hole and you can get out with chemicals sometimes. But that hole is not permanent and once you are better, you can stand on your own. I believe in you! Seriously! Depression, distraction, and anxiety are all art supplies and conversation fuels. When I was ten I got diagnosed with ADD. WOW COOL IM A PERSON. Thanks for letting me know and giving me pills that make me less funny. When I was fifteen I got diagnosed with depression. Depression is an emotion. If its going to be a diagnosis, then I

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think anger, hatred, and jealousy should all be conditions too. Hell, lets just give everybody random bottles of pills so we can exterminate the rest of human emotion. HUMANS ARE THE SYMPTOMS. When I was seventeen I got diagnosed with anxiety disorder. They gave me pills and I stopped getting excited about stuff. Without excitement, time goes at sixty beats per minute. Ive taken Aderall, Focalin, Ritalin, Celexa, Welbutrin. Listen to the names! CELEXA. It sounds like some alien virus. Pills work for some. They poison most. Pills are addicted to humans. Work to pay the pills. P.S. Stop eating at McDonalds. Its only making things worse.

VEGETARIANISM
I am a vegetarian for a few reasons, and Ill be brutally honest. Here are my reasons from highest importance to lowest. 1. Animal rights. Not only am I disgusted by the treatment of animals (which I wont get into because honestly I do not know that much about it), I am disgusted by the thought of eating a tortured animal. Tastes like torture. We grow animals like crops. 2. Feels good, bro. I was a vegetarian for a long time when I was little and it felt awesome and it does now too. It makes you feel light and I feel like I can breathe better. 3. Its hip. I am sorry, I know its shallow, but vegetarianism enhances my image and I wont deny it. Alright, I know Im a tool. 4. Sam. She inspired me to start up again. 5. Health. Its good for you! And it got me to stop other stuff like milk, soda, high-fructose corn syrup, anything fake.

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FACEBOOK
Delete your account please. If you need an explanation, or you dont know why I suggest that, you are doomed.

THREE IMPORTANT HOW-TOS THAT SAVED MY LIFE

None of this stuff is factual. It works for me and I told my friends and it worked for them too so try it out.

NUMBER ONE: HOW TO STOP NIGHTMARES AND SLEEP BETTER

1. Never eat sugar before you go to sleep. No fruit, cereal, sugary juice, nothing. 2. Make sure no moonlight is getting on your face while you sleep. It messes with your head. Thats why crazy people are called LUNAtics. 3. Dont fall asleep while watching TV or a movie. Colors and lights mess with your eyes even if they are shut. 4. If you cant get to sleep, try meditating. Breathe as deep as you can. Try to see how still you can stay. Youll fall asleep.

NUMBER TWO: HOW TO USE BOXERS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Alright people, lets face it. You have a stinky vagina. It happens! But you know why? Ive cracked the code. Ive found the secret. WEAR BOXERS. Boys dont stink because they are free. Women sweat because we trap ourselves in tiny pants! Buy some boxers! Sure it takes an extra minute to get into skinny jeans, but once you smooth your boxers out, its wicked comfy and youre set to go. Trust me. Also the best part about boxers is when you get home from school or work, you can take your pants off immediately. I wear 47

pants for maybe eight hours out of my day. Its never awkward with my family though, because they look like shorts, and my sister does the same thing. The truth lies in the BOXERS.

NUMBER THREE: HOW TO GET RID OF A COMMON COLD

1. Shower. 2. Drink orange juice, and/or Newmans Own Orange Mango Tango*. 3. Avoid ALL DAIRY. 4. Halls strawberry-flavored instant vapor-action cough drops. I call them Jesus Drops. 5. Eat a really spicy/ delicious burrito*. 6. Suck on a lemon. 7. Shower again. Really. It feels great, warms you up, and the steam melts your mucus and stuff. Plus blow your nose in the shower. I know thats gross but its better to get it out there than on a tissue because tissues irritate your skin. 8. Nap*. 9. Try not to take too much Advil, that stuff is kind of toxic. *Actually just do this all the time and youll have a better life.

STOP TEXTING HER.

And dont just do it so shell miss you or shell yearn for you because she wont. If shes ignoring you, dont pretend to ignore her back to save some dignity because honestly youre just making yourself look like an idiot. Pride and dignity are going to get you run over. I swear to god. Its not about acting super happy so shell miss you more because nobody misses a phony. Just do what you do and feel what you feel and quit playing all these dumb games because no one is going to win. If a girl or a guy breaks your heart, be heartbroken. Be sad about it for crissake and dont do weird shit to try to get them to talk to you. 48

ALSO the other really important thing is dont make up fantasies in your head. They are ignoring me because they want to protect me from this overly passionate relationship! Hes smiling but he is secretly miserable about our break-up! She keeps looking over here because she wants me to start a conversation. It has nothing to do with the fact that Ive been looking at her too. Quit it with that. A little longing goes away. Be authentic and dont badger the kid or youre just gonna feel like a damn fool.

A FEW HEARTBREAK TIPS

You dont have to pretend youre happy for them; theyre probably not even your friend anymore. Only friends get enthusiastic about each others relationship successes. Jealousy doesnt work. Get all your depression out in one go. Dont pent it up for months when you could sit in your room for three days. The darkness, loneliness, boringness, and increasing smelliness of your room will motivate you to start living again. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT CREEP ON THEIR FACEBOOK. It just makes everything worse! And theres that hope that somehow they will magically find out that you still care enough to creep, but Facebook doesnt work like that so shut off your computer, cry, and go to sleep. Buy some Orange Mango Tango. Just a thought.

ONE TIME
I had to visit the hospital at three a.m. for an alcohol incident. Five minutes into my stay in the waiting room, I began to feel uncomfortable among the sicks and crazies. I counted seven patients in the waiting room. They ate from the vending machines and had asinine conversations. All I could do was breathe deep and count to ten.

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STUFF I DID
Freshman year: Started digging chicks Tried to look hip Started going to church Discovered Youtube Had my first cigarette Let a Senior break my heart Sophomore year: Got tight with Aimee Got serious with guitar Hated writing Bought dyke clothes Got obsessed Junior year: Got in fights with Aimee Got serious with ukulele Loved writing Ditched my dyke clothes Obsession got me Senior year: Started digging people Tried to look hip Stopped going to church Got popular on Youtube Had my last joint Let a Freshman break my heart

STUFF THAT REPEATS IN MY HEAD WHEN IM SAD

These are the stories my brain jumps to in my head when Im crying. I dont know why. One time in January I stayed after school for some foolish reason. I sat in one of the nice arm chairs in the library. I stared out the window at the terrible grey sky. I ran my fingers against the cuts on the backs of my hands and cried. 50

Mr. S walked in and sat in the other arm chair. He looked at my wet face and didnt even ask what was wrong. He just looked out the window with me. That grey sky is pretty terrible, isnt it? I just said yes. Its so vast and huge. He looked at me and continued, But the snow is pretty, isnt it? Just dont look at the sky, okay? Look at the snow. I cried and smiled. What are you staying after for, anyway? My friend needed signatures for her schedule, and now Im waiting for the 4 oclock bus. You stayed after for two hours just so your friend could get a couple of signatures? yes. You are a good friend. One time I was depressed and I missed school for a few days. My very good friend Sam brought me tea and toast when I returned. It was so nice of her. Also she made me a painting of her hand and wrote a very nice letter on the back. It was about how she is always there for me and her hand will always reach out to me. One time I told my therapist I am depressed. He said dont be depressed, but dont try not to be sad. Just be sad. I really dug that. One time I laid in bed for three days and played Zelda, Wind Waker. I cried every day for hours and listened to Department of Eagles on huge headphones. I felt very dumb and loser-ish. I cut myself which was so dumb. That didnt last long because after the three days I stopped being depressed. I went to a party. It was very fun and made me smile for weeks afterwards but now when I think back on it, it makes me very sad because things turned out to be different than I had fanaticized. One time I got so down that I could barely move. I pinned a very dark towel to my window to seal off any light. I didnt shower or change my clothes. I bought some chocolate chip 51

cookies and Newmans Own Orange Mango Tango juice. I sat on my bed in my boxers and called Hero on the phone. I cried really hard and we fought about something, I dont remember now. I turned off my phone and watched My Sisters Keeper. About an hour into the film I began to cry, because it was very touching. I didnt stop crying until maybe fifteen minutes after the movie ended. Ill never forget that as the longest sobbing Ive ever done. It wasnt just the movie, it was everything, and I hurt all over. All this stuff is recent, it happened within the last six months. But I used to get very sad last year, too. I dont remember a lot of it, but I remember one time, maybe a year and a half ago, I got very sad about a girl. It was the first time I woke up and couldnt move. My friend, well actually I think she was my girlfriend at the time, called me after school was over. She asked why I wasnt in school and I said I couldnt move. She said she was gonna come over and help me. The reason I was so sad was because the night before, I told her I loved her over the phone and she didnt say she loved me back. She said shed rather say it to my face but for some reason I thought she was lying, covering up for the fact that she didnt say I love you too right away. Anyways, I didnt want her to come over because I was so embarrassed. I crawled downstairs wrapped in a big quilt and waited for her on the couch. She came in and got in the quilt with me and we just kissed. Then we kind of hugged, she just held me and I think I cried. She said I love you right to my face. I totally believed her because her eyes were so blue and she smelled so nice.

INDIVIDUALITY
Second graders ate hot dogs. I became vegetarian. Friends stuck together. Mine were in my mind. Prepubescent children shared gossip. I ate alone. Girls texted boys. I dug chicks. People made Facebooks. I deleted mine. My friends got licenses and jobs. They lost their virginities.

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Im unique just like everybody else. I text. Im a musician. I wear argyle. My hair does that flippy thing. I read philosophy and books about anarchy. I carry a copy of Catcher in the Rye. I dont eat meat. I paint. I wear Chucks. I dont wear make-up. I listen to The Beatles and Vampire Weekend. I sneer at authority and skip class. I bum cigarettes off people I dont know even though I dont smoke. I write graffiti. Im not that kid, Im one of those kids.

I MISS FACEBOOK
I miss scrolling up and down a page with little chunks of peoples boring lives. Chunks of people I dont even know, people I dont even talk to. I miss sitting on my ass in a chair for three hours and clicking on peoples names and pictures. I miss when me and my friends would hang out and take pictures of our activities so we could prove to the internet that we were having fun. I miss untagging myself from unflattering pictures and worrying that people would see them anyway. I miss having eight hundred friends, knowing that I only talked to maybe fifty of them in person. I miss that feeling Id get when I signed in after three days without Facebook to find two notifications. Both from Farmville. I miss worrying that one of my dumber friends would post something obscene or revealing on my page. I miss worrying that my aunts and uncles would see something obscene or revealing. I miss reading information about people I knew nothing about. I miss clicking through the profile pictures of preps and jocks I had never talked to. I miss hearing Did you see Jills status?! Read what John wrote on my wall. Omg. Holy shit, Tina and Billy are DATING?! Yeah, it says on Facebook!! I miss wall-to-wall.

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I miss chatting with five people at the same time, knowing that theyre doing the same thing and are probably as uninterested as I am. I miss the popularity contests. Likes on statuses, comments on profile pictures, wall posts, Top Friends. I miss hiding my Facebook activity to make it look like I wasnt as addicted as I was. What I really miss the most is those late, sobbing nights I would spend clicking through the hundreds of pictures of a kid who had broken my heart. I miss reading their statuses about how elated they were even without me around. I miss reading old wall posts from when we were happy. Yeah. Maybe Ill make a new account. In Junior year, I failed out of English. I stopped going to class two months before the semesters end. Thats not a very good story. I just had panic attacks every day and it was embarrassing. Anyway the point is I had to go to summer school. We kept journals. Here are some excerpts from my journal. .all she did was smoke joints and sing the periodic table song. Sir, that is soy milk. TO HELL WITH THAT! We talked about toxins and spirits. I changed her life just by smiling. The nurses told me to stay away from him, but I couldnt. She stole my heart in Sweeny Todd. I think I am in love with Helena Bonham Carter. I finger-paint on my walls. I just wanna write. They try to medicate me. I could sit and write about my constant, heart-wrenching search for an unattainable answer, and how I cant stop reading, but I feel this journal is beginning to sound self-important.

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Pem came over yesterday. All I can do is roll the day over and over in my head until its stuck in my brain. I cannot focus on this. I regret nothing. Legalize marijuana. I went to a psych ward. I met this woman named Crystal. She was my roommate. She was depressed and suicidal and she cried a lot. We ate a lot of ice cream and we talked about pot and drinking. She talked about being clever and living loud and being young. We talked about being sarcastic to society and proving people wrong. On my way out, I walked down the corridor behind the security guard that would open the door and let me out. Crystal was coming in the opposite direction. She walked by me and said Hey. Kid. I looked back at her. She was maybe ten feet behind me, standing there in her sweater and hospital pants. Give em hell. I will never ever forget that moment, ever.

I WANT TO LIVE IN PARADISE

I want to strut around the smooth pavement, through the ally ways, under the arches of stone. I want to wear white shorts and tank tops, I want to wear beanies and sweat. I want to pick at the ivy growing on my house. I want to paint graffiti with my friends on the bricks that line the town. I want to smile at the old men with no teeth selling carrots and cucumbers. I want to buy bread for five cents. I want to be the only one in town with a guitar. I want to have friends with drums who have kids with maracas and wives that bake pies. I want to plow. A horse could pull the tool along, collecting onions and cabbages and zucchini. No one would have a computer or a phone. We would scribble in journals and read old literature and shout poetry in the streets. We could have dances, beat the drums and sound the alarms. The kids would dance with the pigs and the goats. I want to never eat a cow or a pig or a chicken again. I want to fish all day long. I want to have old rusty buckets to put the fish in, and an old fishing pole with no crazy contraptions to reel it in. We could eat the fish, bake them up with peppers and lemons and sweet vinegars. 55

I want to run from coyotes in the middle of the night. I want to howl with the wolves. I want to chase, and be chased. I want to see the moon every night, whether it be its full face or a tiny sliver. I want to sleep outside in the wet grass and get eaten by bugs. Gnats would pick at my face while I worked in the rain. I want to live in a clustered town with fruit stands and beaches all over. I want to drink the juice from coconuts and use the shell as a drum. I want to make natural music. I want to watch little kids kick stones across the ground. I want to watch old couples sitting on their rotting porches. The smell of pineapples, salt, and grass would fill the air. I want to hear chirping birds, laughing kids, yelling dogs. I want to break skin. Against a root, my ankle would scrape, a sharp cool pain would shoot up my leg. Ill wash it out in the water pump; wrap it up with a cloth. It will heal in a few days. I want it to burn, to scab, to scar: a mark of hard work. I want the summers to be scorching. I want to feel the skin burning on my back, turning to leather. I want my hair to be bleached by the sun. I want to gulp down buckets of cool water from the creek, tastes like ice and sweat and mucus. I want to pour water on the dogs and chickens to cool them off. Ill build a tent of shade for my cows; the pigs will roll in the mud. Ill roll with them, and the kids will join. I want the winters to be biting. I want my nose to turn blue, my toes and fingers to be numb. I want to dress up like an Eskimo, and invite my neighbors over. Ill have the biggest furnace in the whole town. Well roast fish and bell peppers over a fire. Well pass cocoa around to warm our stomachs. I want to sleep under quilts of wool and down blankets filled with the puffiest feathers. I want to make lemonade, I want to build a boat. I want to run away, pack up my smallest things in a burlap sack and run until I show up here, in paradise. Wanna come?

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THE THIRD CHAPTER:

STRANGERS

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OMEGLE ANSWERS
Go to omegle.com. You get set up in a one-on-one instant messaging conversation with a random stranger. Some people are creepy, and some are boring, but they all have answers to big questions. Ask strangers big questions. It will inspire you. (Each space signifies a new stranger and a new conversation.) You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! What is the meaning of life? (My answer, when people returned the question: to either think about the meaning, ask others their opinion, or just never start wondering) You: what is the meaning of life? Stranger: life is simply what we make it to be. Stranger: the meaning of life is to be alive and to love both men and women Stranger: have fun Stranger: Im not sure Stranger: Some say death Stranger: i always think about that! but i dont find the answer You: do you think is is possible to find an answer? Stranger: No! i think there is no answer Stranger: to define love. Stranger: drinking beer and having fun all the time Stranger: that reminds me i have sum weed You: yeah? toke up, kiddo Stranger: thats just what i was thinking :P

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You: so brother, whats the meaning of life? Stranger: ask me after ive had the spliff haha Stranger: weed Stranger: Summer Stranger: born, having kids and die Stranger: a characteristic state or mode of living Stranger: haha ummmm to have fun Stranger: to prepare everything before you die Stranger: The child must like it. Stranger: happiness You: what do you think the meaning of life is? Stranger: doing what you want, and not letting anyone get in your way. Stranger: ive asked myself that question more than once an ive decided the answer is to make decisions everyday to make the world a positive place. Stranger: fun Stranger: money Stranger: a gooood time Stranger: we live for something You: what is that something? what do you live for? Stranger: something that we cannot found in animals. I live for my family and friends Stranger: like love Stranger: Death. 59

Stranger: Were born into the world, only to die. Stranger: no idea, who cares? Stranger: just live it through Stranger: and then its over Stranger: and you get a new one You: i do? Stranger: yes You: reincarnation? Stranger: yes You: so brother, what is the meaning of life? Stranger: carpe diem.....you only live once, experiment, think twice as well........laugh, do your things well, try to be a good person, if not dont tell the wrong people .......remember the good forget the bad and tomorrow is another day! Stranger: I m 27 year old guy, french of origin.....and this is my philosophy going through life! What inspires you? (My answer, when people returned the question: strangers) You: what inspires you? Stranger: Pineapples Stranger: ehm life? Stranger: my mom Stranger: football, sex You: cute. Stranger: u still a virgin You: are you? Stranger: yes 60

You: really? You: you said sex inspires you Stranger: it does but it does not mean i have had it Stranger: it intrigues me what people do Stranger: usually alcohol Stranger: hot girls Stranger: SEXXY MEN!!!! Stranger: sex You: why? Stranger: because it teaches you that if you try hard enough each time you will always improve Stranger: study Stranger: those who need inspiration Stranger: motorbike, sport, fiesta You: what inspires you? Stranger: [sends link to "Zombie Kid Likes Turtles" video] Stranger: you inspire me Stranger: making something out of myself Stranger: you:) Stranger: nothing You: that is interesting Stranger: come to think of it Stranger: there is one thing that makes me inspired You: yes? what Stranger: deep breath 61

Stranger: of my belly button You: what? Stranger: every time i breathe out Stranger: i feel trance You: wow. thats very beautiful Stranger: yeah Stranger: you tried? You: sort of Stranger: it's not a joke. You: i know. Stranger: Very difficult question, if I knew, I would be always reproducing the context which does Stranger: adrenaline Stranger: money Stranger: sex Stranger: booze Stranger: hmm, can't answer that yet. honestly don't know that at the moment. Stranger: preserve the species Stranger: hmm Stranger: the stuff in my head.. chaos Stranger: you maybe Stranger: success Stranger: music!

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Stranger: My country inspires me, and my countrymen Stranger: People doing things for themselves. Making positive changes in their lives Stranger: sex Stranger: life You: why? Stranger: cause its something to live for Stranger: red colours, flowers. Stranger: matt damon Stranger: successful people Stranger: art Stranger: stuff Stranger: people like you Stranger: hmm a lot of things, weed for one Stranger: Any art. Stranger: Particularly genre-changing art. Stranger: I don't like to reveal the source of my inspiration. Stranger: god Stranger: people Stranger: spring :D Stranger: hah, you (;

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What is your goal before you die? (My answer, when people returned the question: save a life) You: whats your goal before you die? Stranger: to climb using my bare hands to the top of the eiffle tower Stranger: to be as happy as i am rich Stranger: travel the world Stranger: and have sex in as may random places as possible Stranger: to be a singer Stranger: idk live life? Stranger: be rich Stranger: speak 5 languages Stranger: To be genuinely happy. Stranger: to become exalted Stranger: idk. financial security for my family, or performing an action that's textbook-worthy Stranger: to get married and have 27 kids Stranger: to be surrounded by ALL my friends and family without there being beef between anyone Stranger: i dont like to have ambitions You: why Stranger: because if you achieve it then thats the end of it. if you dont you are miserable for the rest of your life. so its better to just enjoy whatever life throws at you Stranger: hug a penguin 64

Stranger: i wanna ROCK Stranger: be happy Stranger: very happy Stranger: hm probably get a full scholarship Stranger: learn sign language Stranger: have a conversation with my dad Stranger: i wanna try to help as many people as i can too, that's another one Stranger: travel as many countries as possible Stranger: sleep Stranger: my goal is to find someone i love, and travel the world around with that man.. i think.. and he should be german hehe ;) Stranger: to find out your asl Stranger: maybe kill someone dat i really hate Stranger: going to college and becoming someone, experience life more, travel Stranger: a lot more than that but its too much Stranger: Hi, Princess Peach here. You: what is your goal before you die? Stranger: Be saved by Mario. Stranger: To retire in Norway. Stranger: to eat a sandwich Stranger: marry 65

Stranger: :) Stranger: have a family Stranger: understand Stranger: my goal would be to go sky diving Stranger: to be very happy Stranger: make my own robot Stranger: and possibly kiss a guy Stranger: Impact lives and stuff. You: what is your goal before you die? Stranger: to become famous and i did You: you are famous? Stranger: ya i am emily osment You: whats your goal before you die? Stranger: I've got a bucket list of 21 things. You: can i hear it? Stranger: Sure thing. Stranger: 1. Publish a book Stranger: 2. Ride a mattress down a set of 30+ stairs Stranger: 3. Live in New Zealand for six months Stranger: 4. Visit Disney World with someone who is really damn fucking awesome Stranger: 5. Get a tattoo Stranger: 6. Change as many lives as I physically can Stranger: 7. Watch all ten movies on the "Ten Greatest American Movies of All Time" list Stranger: 8. Get a tattoo Stranger: 9. Go Cow Tipping Stranger: 10. Stage Dive 66

Stranger: 11. Kiss an absolute stranger Stranger: 12. Tell Someone a Secret Via Post-It Note. Stranger: 13. Get over my fear of heights Stranger: 14. Do a B+E Stranger: 15. Be hypnotized Stranger: 16. Accidentally get locked in somewhere Stranger: 17. See an eclipse Stranger: 18. Fix a regret Stranger: 19. Go a full 48 hours without communicating with anyone Stranger: 20. Donate blood Stranger: 21. Build a really hardcore tree house from planks of wood and nails. What do you live for? (My answer, when people returned the question: for thought, for music.) Stranger: Muuusssiiiicccc You: nice! Stranger: Woohoo! Stranger: i live for freedom Stranger: skype, i live for skype Stranger: for love Stranger: my life Stranger: um, i guess i live for the hope that theres something i can do well, that makes my existence worthwhile in a unique way Stranger: Space on the fuckin sun!!!!!!!!!

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Stranger: pride Stranger: rather, satisfaction Stranger: errrrrr, wow you've caught me off guard here :/ performing on stage i reckon Stranger: nothin Stranger: for life. Stranger: cheese Stranger: for to be a good person Stranger: to make it out of college alive. Stranger: oh that's a good one.. Stranger: love? Stranger: I live for love and luck! Stranger: FREEDOM! Stranger: its better than dying Stranger: for watching anime Stranger: and for playing video games Stranger: and for thinking about people i love Stranger: just thinking Stranger: and yes Stranger: for hating my dad Stranger: i think i will try to travel and see new things as much as possible to discover it You: what do you live for? Stranger: my ultimate goal is to know the whole world

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Are you happy? (My answer, when people returned the question: I think so.) Stranger: My life is a pretty happy one Stranger: and I wish to contribute to the world someday Stranger: I'm pretty happy (: I'm insane but my friends are amazing Stranger: yes Stranger: partially though Stranger: i may be content but i lack friends Stranger: hmm yes Stranger: yes, euphoric You: why? Stranger: cuz its more fun than being sad Stranger: pretty much. some things could be better, but overall not too bad Stranger: nope You: why? Stranger: why should i be? Stranger: yes im very happy:D Stranger: nope Stranger: no Stranger: are you a dude You: no. why aren't you happy? 69

Stranger: it sucks You: why does your life suck? Stranger: cause i would rather die then live Stranger: i have nothing to live for You: that is very sad Stranger: yep Stranger: but im ok with that Stranger: sometimes You: would you say you are happy? Stranger: yeah I would You: why's that? Stranger: Because I dont feel sad Stranger: i would rather have never been born You: would you say you are happy? Stranger: i would say i'm happy sometimes, sad some other times, mad some others. it changes often. You: yes. what do you get happy/sad/mad about? Stranger: i get happy when people are cool, i get sad when people die, i get mad when people suck. Stranger: i'm well on my way. Stranger: i'm coming out of a slump. Stranger: but it's looking up. Stranger: how about you? You: i am in a slump, but i'm making art out of it. so it's alright. Stranger: that's one of my favorite things to do.

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How do you know when you are in love? (My answer, when people returned the question: When the person starts to make sense.) You: how do you know when you're in love? Stranger: well when all u can think about is that person and when u want to be with them all the time Stranger: and when u are around them its like no one else is in the room Stranger: thats when u know youre in love You: how do you know when you are in love? Stranger: u feel it You: where? Stranger: in ur head Stranger: or heart Stranger: butterflies in stomach? Stranger: your insides feel swelled i guess Stranger: When you always think about the person. Stranger: i've never been in love Stranger: when you accept the person no matter what their flaws are Stranger: u just feel it Stranger: because of the butterflies in your tummy Stranger: when you get that butterfly feeling in your stomach from merely catching that persons eye Stranger: when Im thinking about a girl all the time, I think

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Stranger: u know if there is a connection between both of u Stranger: u know cause unicorns dance around u in dreams Stranger: when you bake them cookies Stranger: I guess it's when you can't see yourself with anyone else

Stranger: youll know when it happens. Stranger: umm Stranger: i guess you just know Stranger: well u just know when ur in love Stranger: u dont care what ur friends think and u just cant live without that person Stranger: believe me when ur in love ull know

Stranger: when you can't live without the one you love Stranger: You cant think of something else Stranger: than that person Stranger: you feel very happy all the time he is looking at you Stranger: texting you Stranger: you wake up with that feeling and you go to sleep with that feeling

Stranger: when the person makes you so happy they are all you think about Stranger: night and day

Stranger: when you feel like nothing else matters :D

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Stranger: when you can sit there and say nothing. Stranger: and it was the most comfortable conversation you have ever had. Stranger: when your heart beats when you hear the person name

Stranger: when you cant stop thinking of the person=) Stranger: and they care for u in return=) Stranger: when u cant stand to be without some1 :) Stranger: I guess you just know i suppose Stranger: I think it would be when you realize that this person fills the gaping hole in your life. But I could be wrong. Stranger: Not terribly good with this sort of advice. You: oh i'm not looking for advice You: just opinions Stranger: Well, I'm not the kind to fall in love Stranger: Too much pain with "love" when I was a teenager, and something clicked inside me.

Stranger: Love hurts, Stranger: so if you hurt you're in love. Stranger: I don't know, I'm thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend Stranger: so no help here now, sorry Stranger: When I'm in love when I don't get enough sleep and won't eat well

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Stranger: when its over. Stranger: Well, you just know. You can tell from when you're around them. Stranger: Sometimes you care for them more than you care for others. Stranger: Sometimes your heart beats incredibly fast when you are around them.

Stranger: when you become happy every single time you see a certain person Stranger: you're happy :)

What is your philosophy on life? (My answer, when people returned the question: Create. Initiate. Find the people that make sense.) Stranger: we're absolutely free, which is frightening and amazing, and as a consequence the "best" way to live is by giving every tiny thing consideration and not just taking anything for granted Stranger: make sure you approve of everything you do Stranger: and with that in mind do what you want Stranger: why have you started with this question? Stranger: it's not usual Stranger: i studied philosophy for a while, but i didnt like it You: oh really? Stranger: yeh Stranger: it was too 'omg, what if nothing exists????' Stranger: i disagree with plato, for a start 74

Stranger: and descartes fucking annoys me Stranger: i dont include god Stranger: and i think most things are actually real Stranger: idk.....to be with someone the rest of your life that each day is a new adventure. Stranger: umm..well...i like sexy people Stranger: sex sex sex Stranger: my philosophy on life is...god is getting payback on us on the 21st of december 2012, because of what the people did to jesus all those years ago!! Stranger: life is..live every day till you die Stranger: Live it while u can Stranger: fuck it Stranger: use protection Stranger: never eat yellow snow Stranger: i just take things as they come Stranger: donate to needed ones Stranger: To live happy Stranger: hakuna matata Stranger: Make the most of your life Stranger: you only have one Stranger: nothing at the moment Stranger: Mine is do whatever it takes for something important in my life 75

Stranger: Live, let live, and smoke some weed while you're at it. ;) Stranger: may the force be with us all Stranger: life sucks You: really? Stranger: mostly You: why? Stranger: i dunno Stranger: shit never goes your way Stranger: have fun Stranger: dont worry be happy Stranger: It's pretty good. Stranger: nothing. only come and go. Stranger: i think life is friggin awesome!!! Stranger: and that we're all gonna die Stranger: eventually

Stranger: Do the best you can, then at the end, it's all for naught. Stranger: Live long, die youngish Stranger: Mine is, Take what life throws at you. Stranger: and throw it back. Stranger: stupid people should die Stranger: there is no need for them

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Stranger: Drive it like you stole it. Stranger: to die. You: why? Stranger: because so many people are living Stranger: i just wanna be different Other interesting/funny/beautiful strangers Stranger: when driving through the desert to arizona the vastness of it just amazes me. we grow up in these urbanized cities and think nothing more of it. but in reality, there is this whole other side of the earth where people just live off the subsistence of agriculture and are happy with themselves and don't have to worry about the pressures of society. It inspires me to know that there is so much i still need to explore and that where i live isnt just the end of it. I live for making people laugh and the feeling of victory when being the under dog. the meaning of life has not become clear to me yet. i think its in writing though. the end Stranger: my gf committed suicide a month ago You: that is the universe's most ultimate heartbreak Stranger: i know. it feels so painful You: is it very hard to live? Stranger: sometimes i just wanna stop existing Stranger: but ive decided to try to live You: things will get harder. existing will get better. Stranger: yes. You: what are the kind of things you think about? Stranger: i think about what it would be like to be in a world renowned band.. i think of what it would feel like to fly, and how to start a threesome.

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You: what do you think we are here for? humans, I mean. Stranger: I think to have a good time. no huge purpose in general You: alright. if you could only love one thing in this universe, what would it be? Stranger: people... our relationships with people mean more than anything else. love for an object or food or music or art can't return love like another human being You: what about hate? if you could only hate one thing? Stranger: i would hate the absence of love Stranger: i am aging and i still havent found my soul mate Stranger: dont make the mistake i did sweet pea, find love at a young age and stay loyal Stranger: Do you pronounce the word OFTEN off-tin or off-in You: off-in Stranger: Best friend!

You: hello Stranger: seattle You: owl city Stranger: finally someone gets me Stranger: everyone is like oh, you live in seattle? You: lame Stranger: yeah lame sauce to the max

Stranger: asl? You: seventeen. girl. small town. Stranger: living in a lonely world

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Stranger: she took the midnight train goin annnnnnnnnnny where You: i did, actually Stranger: well i AM just a city boy Stranger: born and raised in south detriot You: i think we should probably not stop believing Stranger: that would be a most acceptable suggestion Stranger: i have recently just had my 78th birthday You: well, you type very well, and modern Stranger: it is not the same when all i have left is nephews and nieces You: before finding love in somebody else, you need to find love in yourself Stranger: You sound like a very smart young woman You: thank you very much Stranger: We need more caring and thoughtful people in the world these days You: i agree Stranger: We are being poisoned by sin and hatred Stranger: at least I will not be around to see the worst of it You: it won't get that bad, i promise You: i feel a revolution coming on You: i really do Stranger: tell me, have you found love, dear? You: i think so You: i hope so Stranger: whoever he is he must be really lucky You: thank you. but i am very young, only seventeen. i have time, i havent even been to college yet Stranger: I thought that someone who speaks with such wisdom would have to be older than 17

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You: thank you so much . Stranger: Dont ever give in to desire and stay true to yourself You: i will. Stranger: You have many years to find the right path, so don't rush the decision and choose the wrong one. You: how do i know which the right path is? Stranger: look inside your heart and the answer will be there. Stranger: If you waste school, you won't know that you have until it is too late You: i think i have made an incredible use of my time in high school Stranger: In what way? You: i learned how to make mischief without being disrespectful, how to spread the word of revolution through my peers, how to mend a broken heart, how to write with big words, and how to live with clarity and authenticity Stranger: yes, grades may be important, but it is these life qualities that you have learnt that will be really important Stranger: if we all thought like you ........the world would be a much better world Stranger: Please select a category A: Guy wants to talk B: Girl wants to talk C: Horny guy wants to talk to guy D: Horny guy wants to talk girl E: WoWhead wants to talk about raiding Icecrown Citadel F: Hipster fag wants to talk about how genius Animal Collective is G: Pothead wants to talk about anything that doesn't involve any contemplation

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H: Gamer kid wants to talk about his Xbox accomplishments, and how "Teh Cake is a Lie, lulz"

Live

I: Bob Dillian wanna-be wants to talk about stupid so-called sophisticated metaphors and drugs J: Someone trying to read Dante who can't fully understand so wants to spam the internet for the truth K: 1337 hacker wants to talk about DDOSing ur mom L: Confused little kid wanting to talk about anything related to sex M: /b/tard 4channer wanting to fuck up scientology You: lol M is a wicked funny answer. i'm F Stranger: really? You: yeah that matches me dead on haha Stranger: so u think Animal Collective is genius? Stranger: why? You: i donno theyre my favorite band You: also i'm pretty much a hipster. but i'm a chick so i'm not much of a fag Stranger: i like em but im tired of indie wanna be's You: yeah all those bands are hip as shit and they show off a lot You: at least i know i'm pretentious Stranger: lol!! Stranger: you are officially the freshest person ive ever met Stranger: how old r U? Stranger: let me guess. let's say round 20 Stranger: you have just started to learn something new Stranger: maybe a new school? Stranger: collage? maybe studies? You: i am 17

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Stranger: high school You: yes, i didnt start anything new. i dont know why i just started thinking. Stranger: You looking at colleges or anything? You: nah, i'm taking a year to live You: i have stuff to do, ya know? Stranger: Yeah. Stranger: I'm jealous Stranger: Wish I could do the same You: why cant you? Stranger: Because I know how I am, ahaha Stranger: If I take a break, I'll never go. You: ooh right. thats what people keep warning me about. Stranger: Well, kudos for having the balls =] Do a lot of really cool shit, okay? You: okay :)

Stranger: r u a horny girl You: r u a desperate guy Stranger: yup looking for a girl to flirt with me because im lonely You: you are worth more than internet sex Stranger: i dont think i am, i have been rejected by so many girls in my life, nobody likes me! Stranger: i just a pile of shit sitting in a corner hoping for a girl to come into my life Stranger: fuck all of this, i hate my life You: dont! You: there is a lot to live for You: i promise. things are going to get better for you. You: whats your name, friend?

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Stranger: jimmy You: hi jimmy You: i dont know you, but i feel compassion for you. Stranger: wuts ur name You: vanessa Stranger: i like that name, nice to meet venessa You: :) You: youre going to be okay You: do not hate life, it is the only thing you truly have. Stranger: you have sparked a new chapter in my life, to morrow im going to be confident as ever and peruse my dreams father than ever! thank u venessa! You: you are very welcome! i am so glad i could help!! Stranger: u should be, thank u, now u can fall asleep knowing that u helped a man greatly in need, u should be proud of ur self You: i am :) i am so happy. Stranger: well i have to go, im going to apply to a job that i have always wanted to do but never had the courage to apply to! im going to become a sails rep for a major company! thanks!! good bye You: you are very smart, and interesting. show peace, feel love. good bye for now. Stranger: i will talk to you in another life. Stranger: goodbye. Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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THE FOURTH CHAPTER:

OTHER PEOPLES IDEAS

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MADDIE K. IS INSPIRATION
THE SMARTEST, MOST AUTHENTIC FRESHMAN I EVER MET
Trouble is merely a difference of opinion. The world has created unlimited limits, but limits only exist if you accept them. When you think about it, life is created by love. Therefore death is caused by hate. Joy is hatred being conquered and love being embraced. Sorry Mr. President, but I do not believe that there should be a Supreme Jury because I do not pay my taxes so that I can have even more people judge me, or anyone else. My life will not be complete until pigs fly, but luckily I have until then to live. If you love to hate then do you hate to love? Pokmon are surely better than humans, sorry, its just a fact. Oranges are named after their color so lets start calling bananas yellows! Dont hate people for being judgmental, love them for having an opinion. Opinions you are entitled to. You are also entitled to hatred, but use this sparingly. You can swear all you want, but after a while it just becomes another word. Swears are most effective when used on occasion to truly get a point across Mommy Life must suck sometimes so that when life rocks you have something to compare it to. My words can only hurt you if you know how to speak English. I may be drunk, but tomorrow Ill be sober and youll still be ugly. Winston Churchill

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Animals must have feelings, otherwise they could not survive. They do, and if you think they do not, they wont survive anyway because they will be eaten. I have trouble staying awake when I lay on the floor, but I am perfectly awake when I lay in bed. Infinity: There is no start because there is no end. Luck is absurd, there is only will and want. Another thing that is absurd: literary, artistic, and musical college, how can someone be graded on their opinions? I understand the teaching of these things just not the grading. My goose bumps dont quack, is there something wrong with me? We live, but we are never born and we never die. There is only pain if you pay attention. Dont: regret, hate, take for granted, or believe in what you are told. Do: live, love, appreciate, and believe what you believe. We die to begin again. Jambon! Vanessa Gregory Nothing can be broken that cannot be fixed so dont be cautious. Love so that people know you lived. Life is only how you see it. If you think that people _______, then they do. If you dont think that people _______, then they dont. Only care about what is important. What is important is what you care about. Hobbies fill the spaces between, so find one. Ketchup is a vegetable.

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The worst thing that you can do with life is: a. Throw it away b. Regret c. You choose. Life only exists so that you can be happy. If you were not happy then you would not exist. When people say oh that is bologna! are they saying that because it is made up and fake? I think they are. I also think that bologna is fake meat. This saying now makes sense. Cyclopi blwink. Judge only if you are ready to be judged in return. People go with the flow, which they have the right to do, it is their life. But to me that is not life at all. Life is not worth it if you are not the only you. If everyone else is you and you are everyone else then, to me, why not let them live your life. You must be original, be you and not them if you wish to consider life your own. As Oprah once said, people care about themselves, they do not spend hours pondering over what you were wearing or what you did. You can live with having someone think you are weird because it is not all that they think about. It is self-centered to believe that you are on someones mind for more than a fleeting moment, so do not care. Either you live or you live in the literal sense but not in the mental sense. If the latter, it is either not worth living or cannot be considered living, either way you look at it the first option is the better one so live. The only thing that you can do to live is believe. But there are two types of believing. You can choose to believe what others have told you or you can believe in what you think. If you believe what others say and do what they tell you then you are not living your life, you are just completing theirs. Therefore, do what you want and complete your own life. The way I see it, sexuality is a circle. Girl Girl, Girl Boy, Boy Boy, Boy Girl, and everything in between. 88 Be cautious d. Go with the flow

Just be happy that the circle is complete. Prejudice: discomfort with oneself leading to the need to take it out on others. If you care about someone, help and support them, but if you dont care for someone, dont hurt or disregard them. Gender, race, religion, etc. are all just titles that enable people to draw a line between them and others who are different. The worst murder is the murder of hope. #1 reason for murder: lack of enlightenment To be a brat is to be ignorant because you refuse to accept other opinions and refuse to learn. Pretty is ugly. Accept or choose to not be accepted. Next time that someone hurts you, thank them for sharing their own pain with you because they should not need to endure it all themselves. Apologize to them for the fact that they feel the need to be mean because of their own insecurity. The best way to conquer ignorance is to know that you dont know. Words can only have the power to hurt if they are heard with negative connotation, so choose to hear them with a positive connotation. Would there still be problems if everyone could read minds? Doubtful, because they could see, then they could understand. The synonym of myopic is nasty. Be secure with insecurities. Yes, Martin Luther King Jr., you are correct. Everyone is made equally. However, everyone does not stay equal. Everything is possible if youre Kim Possible if you believe. Giraffes are spotted ponies that grew fuzzy horns and have neck issues.

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Abnormality is greatness. Normality is a sign that change is needed. Permanent is horrible unless it is permanent change. The true test of a person is how they handle defeat. The best way to accept defeat is to enjoy the challenge and find a new, better approach. Do not strive to be standard, but rather strive to exceed standards. No matter how much you dislike your own, parents will still always be godly. If Paris Hilton and the rest of the dumb media told us that fat and ugly were the new skinny and pretty chances are that fast food sales would fly through the roof and unibrows would become a trend. Microsoft Word just told me that unibrow is not a word. Preposterous! Also, the suggestion for the correct spelling of unibrow is unbornfollowed by narrow. Strive- synonyms: struggle, endeavor, go all-out, do your best, try hard, do your utmost, attempt, try, try hard, do all you can, pull out all the stops. Thank you Thesaurus. No spell-check, I meant what I wrote and I will say whatever the heck I want whether or not it is grammatically correct! I lost the game. Well yeah duh, Michael Phelps won that too a long time ago. The best thoughts come at one of three times: first, when you do not have any work needing to be done; second, when you are a procrastinator; or third, when you are a winner and simply choose not to do the work. I dont believe that I have to live like today is my last day, but I know that someday will be.

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Do not cheat yourself out of tomorrow by screwing up today. Get high off of the happiness that life provides, forget the sadness that yesterday created. Are cannibals animals or are they simply tremendously hungry, mentally and physically? Feel free to ask questions, they make the world worth living in. Arguing is just putting opinions into words and seeing what other people have to say about it. Its perfectly healthy unless it involves any sort of yelling, screaming, kicking, punching, karate chopping, or bitch slapping. Dragons and leprechauns and such do exist, they just are very nice and therefore do not want us to be jealous of their greatness. Be you because if you arent then it isnt you that people like. Be that person. Do not hide your tears behind smiles, hide your smiles with tears. Pills and drugs are not going to fill your weak and empty heart, so let people help you do that instead with joy, love, and laughter. They say that smiling even when you are unhappy automatically makes you a little bit happier, so why would you ever frown? If you feel lonely or like you need someone to be there for you, chances are that there are people out there who would help you if you only let them. I believe that when you die you do not see flashbacks of your entire life, but rather a pile of shit: the pile of shit that you are forced to go through during your life. It is so easy to be nice to people: smile when you walk by someone, start up a conversation, say hi, or at least

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acknowledge them. You may not realize it, but it could truly have an impact on someones day. If you related coldness to puppies and sunshine and roses you would never want to be warm, but instead we choose to see cold as a negative feeling and therefore it is. This theory holds true for just about anything. It is not the feeling or thing that we dislike, it is the connotation and the things we associate with it. You could mean so much to me, to people, to the world if you tried, and you dont even have to try hard. Live life to the fullest so that death wont suck so much. Why is it that if your pet cat dies you cry for days but if your pet fish dies you flush him down the toilet? Or is that just me? Love is never enough, but true love is. There should be a dog zapper thing for people, which zaps you if you love someone who does not feel the same way. To me, anyone who would rather live in todays society rather than that of the sixteen or seventeen hundreds is considered vain. Society is ridiculous. Tanning, really? I, I anti-tan because it looks better when you are 60 years old and you are not covered in wrinkles and as orange as a carrot. What is the verb form of lightning? Lightninging? You will never truly be you, because you is made up of everyone else. Bark in public, it shuts everyone up and it makes you look perfectly normal. Shrieking also works, especially if you are one of those people who have music playing in the background of their life. If being you is normal then is it all right if I be me? Do you what you want because your ideas will always be better than anyone elses, at least in your head they will be. 92

Best way to get that warm, fuzzy feeling: wear cozy comfy socks. You matter. If you died people would care, believe me, they would. The littlest things can either hurt or help, but the biggest things have the power to change. Losing weight is like giving up happiness; if you love to eat then why would you do that to yourself? The only way to actually be somebody is by having your own opinion. Life can suck and it can be fun, but dying always sucks so which one should you choose? Scallion is a majestic word. Being Great comes at a cost. Being early reduces stress by a million. Poop people order our patties. If you are reading this book, you have a brain. Marco Polo is only a great game when you are playing it somewhere where you and your group are surrounded by complete strangers. Be the one to start a conversation. Dont wait for someone to ask. Take a leap, you might fall but that is why skydiving is so popular.

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MIKES IDEAS
THIS IS ONE PHILISOPHICAL EGYPTIAN
I live in space, because gravity is optional. The past is imaginary; the future is fake. The best part of anything is not knowing what it is. Fear is poisonous. Hate is poisonous. Why would you drink poison? Reality is imaginary, so lets pretend. You cant get old if you never stop dancing. I love my friends, and Im not afraid to say that. Sometimes, I stop thinking. Its nice. If everybody likes you, youre doing something wrong. Art is just pretty pictures; music is just pretty noise. I like it that way. Since when was simplicity a bad thing? Smiling makes me happy. Go with the flow that runs against the grain. Ive never killed two birds with one stone. I dont multitask. All my attention is yours. Never trust anything you read.

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MY VIEWS ON LIFE AND STUFF LIKE THAT

BY MEGAN ORTH.
IF EVERYBODY THOUGHT LIKE THIS, THE WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE. MEGAN IS MY BEST DODE. I MEAN FRIEND. - I believe the only things you need in life are people who love you, something to put effort into that you really enjoy, and a good attitude. You cant go through life with a bad attitudeit really wont get you anywhere. You just need to look on the bright side of things more often and appreciate the little things in life more to really get the most out of your life. - Music and art are lifes best ways to express yourself. It doesnt matter how much experience you have in painting or drawing, how good of a voice you have or how well you can playall that matters is that you put your heart into it. Whether its listening to your all-time favorite song, painting something great, or performing at a coffee house, you can really bring out the best in yourself through music and art. - Nature. Todays society is so focused on material stuff like technologyso much so that the beauty of the world around becomes a distant part of life. - I will never understand labels. Who cares if youre gay, bisexual, straight, transgender.were all human, why should that matter? - Life is beautiful, but its complicated. - I wish I could save the world, like some sort of superhuman. - I wish I could cure cancer, and put an end to that terrible disease. - I wish people would wish for better things more often. - I try understanding why some people do what they dobut I just come to the same conclusion: once again, were all human. We think differently, we have different ways to express ourselves, whether good or bad. We have flaws. - Everythings going to be just fine.

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- Making promises is a stupid thing to do if you ask me. If you cant follow through with that promise, you let that person down. Making people feel bad is never a good thing, ever. - Wish on stars, it works every once in a while. - Youre a better person than you make yourself out to be. - Miracles are real, just look around you. - Beauty is everywhere. - Dream, all the time. Doesnt hurt to dream. - Be you, not someone else. - Laugh more, love more, give more, make more. - Say thank you whenever you can. - Listen to what kids say, they make sense. - Courage. Possess it. - Have dessert first. Do it. - Animals are great because they love unconditionally. They dont judge, and they are only sad when theyre sick or not around their humans. I wish people were more like animals the world would be a better place. - Your best friends are the people who will tell you the truth all the time. If they lie to you, I dont think theyre really your best friends. - Everyone is negative sometimesits negative all the time that hurts you the most. when youre

- All I know is that there is someone extraordinary looking out for us all. Maybe its not God. Maybe its just a great person. - Politics are stupid and way out of line in todays society. If you ask me, I believe that instead of government, we should just believe in things like love, peace, and thought for others. Thats all we really need. I know its a lot to ask for, but I think its possible. - Look to the future, embrace the past, and devote yourself to the present. - Love is the best thing ever once you find the right person. Believe me, its worth the wait.

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LastlyI just want to say how amazing I think Vanessa Gregory is. Shes my best friend, and shes going to do great things with her life. This book is going to be a bestseller someday; I believe it. I love you, Vans. Keep rockin, youre going to change the world someday. Also, dodey. Dodey allllll da way. <3

SAM IDEAS/CONVERSATIONS/POEMS
ART WITH WORDS. WORDS WITH ART. [A poem about love or death] In our hearts we may burn, But soon sizzle clean. Our ashes blown Into the unseen. Our misty foil flaws, Sink beneath the cracks. Our past and our sins, No longer burden our backs. Meatless and Mindless. Beatless and Bindless. Our palms wear down our minds Our bones collide, Tears and taunting All set aside. Whispers woven Through our cheeks. Covered by contentment, Our limbs we speak.

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A love aside of A love forgotten. Bite until our teeth have rottened. Me. Sam. What is death? Death is nothing but the next step to a different life. Reincarnation, the body decays, given the proper memorial the soul will move onto a new human or animal experience. We are not humans living a spiritual experience, we are spirits living in a human experience. Death is irony. If you had the chance to show one song to everybody in the world, which song would you choose? The one song I would show to the world is clich but true. All You Need is Love by the Beatles. They get the point across. Clear and simple: All you need is love, its the title obviously. People hear this song so many times, they forget to listen to the message behind the words. Is God real? Of course God is real. He just doesnt do shit. Face it people, that idea you had last night did not come from God, it came from your own mind. God was just a girl who got drunk and had a one night stand, gave birth to the Earth, abandoned it, watched it squirm. Humans, animals, wildlife, the Earth itself made the world a livable, likeable, oxygen-breathing organism friendly environment. Give yourself a pat on the back for helping Gods mistake succeed. Name some toxins. HATE. Nothing bad would happen if hate did not exist. Sure it sounds hippie-like, peace, love, happiness, but weapons are nothing but tools. They are not the problem. The problem is when those tools are held by a heart full of hate and I head full of angry, unclear plans to destroy a brother. DEATH IS JUST AS AFRAID OF YOU AS YOU ARE OF IT. THATS WHY IT ATTACKS. [A text conversation on Easter Sunday.] Church is terrible. What are you doing? Sitting in a pew and crying a little. 98

Why? All these poor people. Nobody knows what theyre worshipping. Why are we here. Go home and find your own god. Maybe theyve already tried but couldnt find anything on T.V. or on their computer, something weaving through their video games or crawling out of their cell phones so they turn to someone elses imaginary friend. My god is dead. You only die twice. My god was never really alive. Id rather that. I miss God, you know? Yeah I know but what would life be without the pain. Of course I get embarrassed. Who doesnt get embarrassed? But I shrug it off and say everyone will forget it all in a day or two cause theyre too hungry for more drama to eat.

MAN.
Try your best to picture a man with swollen pupils rimmed with blue and a tint of violet. Those swollen pupils simmer in sulken eye sockets, eyelashes thick, a velvet curtain to cover their jerky, nervous, stage-frightened actors. Above these sulken sockets are large paint brush-like eyebrows, furrowing high in worry and shock. Forehead crinkled and wrinkled. Hairline receding, not from heredity genes but from being worn down. The pull and yank of each hair by the hands of everyone who has walked a part of his path with him. What was once a gorgeous black flow of hair has now thinned and frailed. Broken ends and shiny skin show through his hands as they cup his brain inside his skull. His nose is sharp and heavy, holding his neck bent. It is set out of his face like a nail from its wood. It dangles like a credit card stuck in its slot. The change dispenser rests below, turned down, dapped lips. A faded shade of blossomed pink. Skin pealed off and accenting his mouth with white caps. Hair protruding above, flaky and spiky. Tousled and confused. Beneath this untamed front-yard crab grass is pale dirt. Pale, sandy dirt. Thin leathery canvas lies scared from teenage 99

pimple scars. His scars spell target. His coughs cripple his cheeks. He releases his revelations through a sneeze. They come as mucus, the way they are valued. He vomits over his fingertips. The acid wears away his prints. Bitten nails catch and rip. Hands dry, drugged with hair and cuts. Twins that once twinkled in lightly-lit water. Stretching across streaks of molecules. His hands hang off arms that drain. Arms that are lank and limp limbs. Black, blue, bruised, and bothers day after day by harmful hands, words screeching through its pores, puncturing lobes and cartilage. Once mountains that sheltered and held tiny tots above mucky molten rock. A neck a stem, the block that holds his dripping migraine. Im sorry, I would finish except this man does not want to be exposed. He tortured me in my dreams and will continue if I tell you more. He told me to tell my own story of sadness and not feed on someone elses. I am ashamed and sorry. Who? Us. What? The imaginary friends puttering around the mind of Earth. Hiding in the cracks, or shining like silver. Those blessed are his favorite. Those weary are his lab rats who he tests his powers on. Earth is just a lonely boy with a grand imagination. (Those who travel out to space only lose a little bit of connection. Thats why they float and cant breathe. Other planets arent as smart as Earth so they dont make up their own world.) Where? Our sleeves got caught on a snag that pulls us into this Mind. We are now cemented into the sidewalk of a timeline. A timeline that drags us by the neck to death. The stronger we resist, the sooner it comes. When? Now, then, forever. Why? We are simply an accident born from freedom. How? Unknown.* *Unknown is what we dare not to find out of fear. DO NOT FEAR THE UNKNOWN.

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MORE OF SAMS IDEAS

Idees-Ideas-Ideen-Myslenky-Ideer-Ideeen-Ajatukset-MiyauOtletek-Idee-Ider-Pomysly-Ideias-Idei-Ideja We all have our rightsexcept when it comes to pleasing the Almighty. Society calls the children of this generation obese. So to solve this they force us to sit still for 7 hours every day for 180 days, wasting our minds, letting our bodies sag, letting our thoughts drag out our asses and ears, and be lost to black holes. They create meals packed and caked with grease and fat and call it healthy because it gives you protein, builds your brittle bones. Brittle bones caused by layers of fat. Its a cycle. Let us out of our educational classes to actually get some exercise if we are so obese. Let us think our own thoughts if we are so mentally retarded. Our generation is falling apart because the one before us has given up after seeing a minority of our abilities and a majority of our disabilities. Give us all a chance. We gave you one. I want to make my own world. My mind erupted. Bomb shells hit the tiles, Glass shattered As my past splattered The back wall. My present now Stews on the ceiling. My future will lie on The floor in front of me. Civilians cower As I stuff my memories, my life, My hopes and dreams back into my skull. This abnormality is ghastly to their eyes. I am as messy as mayhem. As constructive as bowling balls. As sporadic as twitching snow sprung from the kick of my Vans. Clocks are the devices that count down your life. BECOME SOMETHING GREAT. SOMETHING WORTH TIME. MAKE YOUR LIFE MATCH YOUR STANDRADS AND NOT YOUR NEIGHBOURS. EAT AWAY ALL YOUR SANITY; YOU SHALL SOON BE FREE. Inanimate objects are so much more polite and kind 101

The sight pries out their worst fears; Hollow and deep. They claw at their own scalps Wondering if anything will come out. But they all have kept their sanity. Their heads are on tight. Mine blew up from all The buildup of Insanity in my nostrils.

than human. But you never know until you talk to them. INSPIRE BEFORE YOU EXPIRE Call to the walls; whisper your pain loud and clear. Invent in vents. RUN-A-RIVER SDRAWKCAB Industries create catastrophes. NEVER OVER-ANALYZE IF YOU WANT TO SAVE LIVES

REGENERATE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. Thread your thoughts through turquoise turtle-necks. Let go. InvestToRest. I want to feel spring on my finger tips. To count each peddle puddle that lingers under my lips. Speak the hills and whisper the white winters whips of the wind. Bleed rivers, rocky, rough; spindled. I want to scar my body with lashes of the pines. Needles shall puncture my skin Skim the surface of my back and leave stars on my flesh I want to inhale the heat of the sun Let it soak my lungs, blister and brand them. The moon shall slave me. Pull me backwards, push me forwards. I shall wear down the rocks, sooth sands and erode earth.

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These passages came out of various books, only I took words or phrases out so it said something else. Bio Book: Because there are possibly six starts and three stops, like sentences that signify the end. We should be joined together, to assemble complex instructions. Information to produce --- class over. Random Articles from Online: ONE structured relationship among US it is the only system important dynamics togetherness is stable challenge stability serve relative developments go back decades create independency work as one transform attention shift to attack nothing clear war violence and hatred takes defeat defend our values Evolve economic acceleration it handled crisis call power stimulate success approach a growth and change return to the performance of the world develop S remarkable dominance was expected collapse visit the world sustained prosperity and peace foundations arrangements --- loss of pen

ALEX N.
INCREDIBLEY PROFOUND RANTS/IDEAS
So Im pretty sure Im now past the point of insanity. So the question is, where does one go from here? Do I just let my emotions take a hold of my every move? Or do I sit patiently with a blank smile plastered on my face and wait for something to happen? It may not seem like much but it is actually a life altering decision. Im actually quite amused how Im known as the advice giver, and my main advice is dont peg your happiness, and look at me. I cant even follow my own words; I can barely spell them out. Im not an English major either. The things Im writing are not meant to be taken out of context; theyre not meant to move people to tears. These letters being spelled out are only being jotted down for one (me) to find a way out this rut called life. I have no right to complain though, I have friends, I have a family. God, I have everything one could ask forexcept for one thing. Someone once told me a little longing goes away. But what if I dont want it to leave? What if the one thing killing me makes me feel as alive as I can get? Love is a weird matter. And maybe deep down it is whats keeping me going. What if this IS happiness and not sadness?

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What if living is dying and dying is living? What if reality is dreaming and dreaming is reality? What if everything we know or at least think we know is just all wrong? What if our minds are actually the world itself? God, Im just rambling now. As an advice-giver though, I have one thing left to say before this silly note is over. Never give up. Never let go, because who knows who one may meet on the journeys that we make in life. IN THE END, LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL. Loves first kiss is the greatest magic of all. Because back then, you only kissed the ones you loved. Moving is the action of standing still. Even the most stunning moments have an aspect of agony. Why do we fall in love when we know the landing wont be smooth? Fuck this shit. Without imagination, reality ceases to exist. Love will conquer all. Rain pours, I smile. Holding onto sadness is what makes the world happy. Living is just the beginning of life itself. Just stop talking is the best advice one can give to America. I have a love-hate relationship with teenage angst. Look closely at the capital letters. Its not about what you think it is. if this is love then it is most certainly Not all the rage that it has bEen made out to be. so many unnecessary tears shed, so much water lost the liquid could help the whole rain foreSt Flourish. too Many broKen hearts that wont sooN be Mended, and as much as time flies it has officially stopped. no clocks are ticking anymore; their unbarring sounds have just seized all

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together. so now its silent for quiet is an understatement in a situation such as this. eVerythinG is oddly at ease though. no one is sad, just not happy. no one is truly alone even though one might think so. The World is still spinning at same pace as yesterday our eyes have just become too aware of the motions. eveRythinG will be okay foR it has Been okay all along it just takes obnoxious freshman, stupid boys, stubborn girls, jealous races, brilliant people, dumb humans, and every little inch in between to figure that out. life is a journey within a journey and no matter what people say the meaning has not been discovered. so where is this little rant going? no idea. just to whoevers reading this know that people do care, friends do exist, and things will work out, whether its the way you planned or not. the end.

ALEX B.
THE MOST RAW, HONEST, AND BREATHE-TAKINGLY BEATIFUL WRITING YOULL FIND IN THIS BOOK Vanessa, This is some pretty heavy shit, but I know you won't judge: I don't have a name. I really do, of course. Everything has a name. Even if its just "nothing". I have a name, but I don't at the same time. It's a funny paradox. What I mean to say is that I have many names and no name at all. I can call myself something and make that the truth. I can lie. I am a liar. I'm good at it. So good I start to believe my lies. I stick by them. I lie to myself the most. I tell myself I'm special. But is that a lie? I tell myself I can't die. Maybe I can. Am I special? Do I have some big purpose? Maybe. Yes. I don't have a name. Or rather my name is meaningless to me. Because I can lie and say its something else. In doing so I can become that new name. Start over. Cut ties. Am I really special or just a pawn? Will I die? Sometimes I want to die. Just to see. I am very young. But growing older fast. We all just want to be happy. Karma can take control. Forces like that, you know? Karma, fate and destiny. We don't have a choice. It's all planned out from the start. But we're still alive. And I'm still special. I can do whatever I want. And I won't die. I can't die. Not yet.

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The following is an experiment I did. I took every single thought in my mind at a conscious and given point in time and wrote them down: "What happened? I used to be so innocent and pure. Now I'm a liar. I'm not a model. I'm not colorblind. I'm a thief. I've betrayed so many people and stolen from them. And a cheater. Lately I'll do anything to win and I've given into desire twice now. I never used to think the way I do now. I often think I'm insane. I convince myself I'm valiant and fearless. But am I? I'm not special. I can die. There's no one to blame. I've broken hearts and haven't cared." After this point the thoughts became more hasty and scattered: "Karma is out of control. Stop. I'm not evil. I'm crazy. Can I kill? Why do I do this? No matter where I go. I'm not a thing. I'm a puppet. A toy. Soulless, lifeless, heartless. This isn't Kingdom Hearts, you idiot. This is life, grow up. Why can't it be? Why can't this be Kingdom Hearts? Or Lost? It's my reality. You're 18. I'm 18. Don't speak for me. Write out your numbers. I'm heartbroken. Good. I understand now why authors write about loss of innocence. Shattered. Im going to loose it all. Only unless you already have. Can't loose nothing. Nothing is something. Just a word. And I'm just a toy. Stop lying. Pretending. Make believe. I'm a child after all. How ironic. Context. Does it matter? Everything does. He doesn't. Stop it. It can't be stopped. Insanity knows no bounds. I'm a fool. Yes. No. Fittingly so. We're poets now? I, not we. Liar. Thief. Cheater. All 3? I told you to write out your numbers. All three. Yes, Father. He was cruel. Bitter. But why? Does there always need to be a reason? You have none. Stop over analyzing. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I just can't do it. I can't submit to another person like that. It's not submission. You don't understand. I refuse. I can't. You won't. Part of you wants to. Lie. From a liar. Of course. Please help me. Help yourself. You always do. I try. So selfish. We won't go back to this. Sex is everything. It's going to crumble. Show me. The door is still shut. Stop it. It's a game. So what? Its a story as well. Story of your life? Maybe. I lied. I know. Honesty is the best policy. Possibly. I wish he were different. Are you a woman? Stop it! You can't say that. Kill me then. Kill both of us. I'll let fate handle the assassination. Who knows? I thought you had a

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purpose? No. Just a delusion. Of course it is. My story is a complex one. It doesn't matter. It never ends. How would you know? You can't just stop existing. Why? It's impossible. Why? Fate. Why? Yes." I am no longer a child. I'm not as innocent as I once was. I have grown up and experienced the world and its many lifestyles. I have dated boys and girls. I know who I am now. I just want to tell you all something. Whether I was nice to you or mean to you, said I loved your or said I hated you, made an impact on your life or was just a stranger, was the object of your affection or just a disappointment, hurt you or treated you like royalty... No matter what. I am sorry. I know better now. I do not need to be anything. I do not need to have a soul. A heart. A body. A purpose. And sometimes I think I truly do not have any of those things. But I still am. I still exist. I still breathe. I still love. I still live. But then I think that all of this is wasted on those who are not like me. Why exist in a world of people who do not know who they are? Why breathe in an atmosphere that is slowly and painfully dying with each passing day? Why love someone when you are not sure that they will always love you back? Or at all even? Why live with all these things? I just can not wrap my mind around it. Or maybe I am not supposed to. Any of us can die. Nothing stays constant. There is nothing I can rely on. False hopes and promises are all we can cling to. Why can't these be real? Why can't we say what we mean? Why must we lie, cheat and deceive? At our very core we all want the same thing. Just to be happy. So why can't we? Why can't we put all our superficial needs behind us and just attain the one thing that will make us happy? It doesn't make sense. It does not matter if you are still growing and learning. We all know what we want, even if we claim not to. Push the little things away and for once focus on what truly matters. Just be happy. (He sent me a these incomplete sentences in a Facebook message one time. I filled it in and sent it to him but then I deleted my Facebook so my answers are gone. Here are his, and my new ones follow.) I want to be in love. I hope the person loves me back. I wish I could read minds. 107

I need some consistency. I dream of being famous. I feel sad. I've discovered that I have a lot to make up for. I want to know what it's like to have a long term relationship. I already do know that I've made terrible choices. I am sure that I can redeem myself. I am not a bad person. I will be happy one day with a little luck. I care about the wrong things in life. I don't care about the people who do love me. I love a select few. My pain comes from love. My joy comes from love. I'd kill for revenge. I cry over fictional characters because I'm too afraid to trust real people. I live in the hopes of one day being happy. -Alex B. I want to dance forever. I hope people read my words. I wish I believed in love. I need this music in my head. I dream in black and white. I feel like my hands are going to fall off. I've discovered how to touch infinity. I want to know every single person who lives. I already do know maybe a couple thousand of them. I am sure about nothing. I am not heartbroken forever. I will be a tree someday. Im pretty sure I am one already. I care about losers. I don't care about winners. I love humanity and ideas. My pain comes from very late nights and answering machines. My joy comes from meditation and conversation. I'd kill for absolutely nothing and no one. 108

I cry over heartbreak and revelation. I live and breathe. I sing, I uke, I dance. I drink Orange Mango Tango and I will write ideas until I am dead. -Vanessa

EVANS IDEAS/ANSWERS
THE HIP WORDS OF MY FAVORITE BRO
Weve just begun our journey. Were so young; weve got all the world to look forward to. Make the future YOU. I would like to meet sadness as an emotion and it would appear to me as a troubled adolescent. I would ask it why it casts its spell on the world when other emotions cannot be conceived. But I would also compliment it on its rare ability to produce fantastic ideas, when it brings people to rock bottom. if animals are so "wild" and "savage" then why don't they have religion to overcome their "primal instincts" I want to see what a baby would grow up to be like with 0 societal and human or animal or plant interaction, it would be interesting. Would it be good, evil, or neutral? why do I have to give paper to people in stores to obtain objects....if that paper has no value anyway? "music is what feelings sound like" I want to be able to scream at things and know where they are, like a bat. I want to be able to tense my back and have quills protrude outwards, like a hedgehog. love freely, gender should not come up to stop you an altered state of mind should not get you in trouble (though I have never experienced this before) why is it wrong to drink before age 21, when you know you're gonna right when you turn 21? everyone in the world should play an instrument, the world would then finally know what it feels like to have a voice

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the sounds of animals fighting why do bones crack? if eyes are heavy when they are tired, do they work out while you sleep? naked is not a crime, and should not be treated with such ferocity in these days, it's silly, sometimes (all the time) naked is natural Jesus' story is a guilt trip, he didn't want us to constantly beg for his forgiveness, he just wanted us to think I need time for a break, all my life I've had something to do everyday, I need a week or a year to not do ANYTHING, but chill make believe so hard that you believe you make (anything) People who commit evil are lemons Be S.I.L.L.Y. All the time, makes life interesting (super ideas leave lips yearningly) I want gills, to experience the best of two or worlds pigeons fly according to the magnetic field of the earth, I want to know this feeling I want to be struck by lightning my one word: intertwined why can't men have earrings/gauges in a professional work setting...but women can? I want to be a celebrity one day, but not a Hollywood-like celebrity. I just want my name and message known people should make art everyday, helps to stimulate the mind, man.

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HARLEY TEXTS/IDEAS/CONVERSATIONS
CUBE2THE3RD
Me. Harley. Cry and die. Is that a song? No its just what I want to do. How do you know God does not exist? [blank text] Is that text blank on purpose? Because if it is, its the smartest text I ever got. No it was a mistake but not unfunny. Anyone who believes they have to explain, the burden of proof is on them. What if life is an illusion. A lot of it is an illusion and mainly a work of fiction. Here is another Harley original: I want to die young, look good in my casket. A lot of my writing is from doing drugs and just typing with my eyes closed in the dark. Everyone is just people Write on. Left off. I am Scorpio and I need a Sagittarius. softly it sinks into melting hot liquids meet me to hit hate a martyr throw falls strong from skies to high the burning the mast struts for long hideous horrendous horrible 111

watch the monster strike teeth hard flesh lips fetch this scream fits the teeth bite blood brood mood the scene has warm and cool the on goers look watch carefully horizon broken by bone opposites attack from color to form bows dropped from corner to corner the four perspectives, circle open cut court and skip the date, make the run four feet hit hard running on a repeating pattern.

RANDI
A LETTER TO MADNESS To whomever is reading this, I am fairly sure I am going crazy. The thoughts in my head all contradict, but I can accept them all as true and genuine. How can that be? The hypocrisy my mind is inflicting upon me is surreal-feeling. All these thoughts are flooding from my head down my arm to my hand controlling the blue pen I currently have clenched in my fist. I do not dare let go. I can't. If I let go I will forget, and I cannot, I must not forget these words which once I held so dear. Their importance may have diminished overtime but frozen in this one moment they remain perfect. Untouched. Unscrutinized. The most important thing in the world. GOD! What is wrong with me?! I AM going crazy. What else but someone as insane as I would let such thoughts and words control her? Who dare let such thoughts, so impure and filled with insanity contaminate her mind, flood it until there is nothing else but a slight hint of sanity? That small portion of sanity is what allows me to write this today. It is the small portion that I accept as truth.

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But what if my mind is solely pure, and what I am now accepting to be reality is simply a farce? a red herring. And I am simply feeding into it? What if this is truly the poison? And I let it infest my mind? This is truly going mad. All these thoughts, bouncing through my head. Growing angry and restless from within me. Hating each other. Hating me. Making me crazy. Making me mad. Making it so I cannot sleep at night. Only Think. Think of such thoughts that oppose each other so. Thinking of them, all of them and accepting them for what they are: Truth. Am I mad? maybe. Should I be saved from this? probably. Do I want to be? Now the answer to this I still do not know. Simply, Me

TYLER W.
PROFOUND ANSWERS TO SIMPLE QUESTIONS
Write about life: Life isnt a measurement of a heartbeat, who when a couple cells divide enough to qualify for it. A person comatose in a hospital is not alive. Free thought, emotions, simply existing doesnt make you alive. What is death?: Death is where life ends. Your body is recycled into the earth, really, no one ever dies. We are made of the same materials as when the earth was first created. Your ideas, who you were, that information, the memories dont disappear, they exists somewhere. Who do you love?: hayou already know who I love. Why do you love?: I went for a long time without letting anyone love me or loving anyone in return. It was a bad period for me, I did a lot of shit I regret. I love, because it gives me purpose. Where do you want to be?: Right at this moment? Well now that the previous question made me think about it, curled up in a bed with the only person I love.

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Why do you think hatred is this huge fad? Do you feel hatred more often than sadness or vice versa?: First of all, its not hate, its fear. Humans fear what they dont understand and there are a lot people, and especially teenagers dont understand. The easiest way to cope with this is unfortunately with hate or anger. So many people are insecure, you ask me if I would want to be one of those rich billionaire celebrities id tell you no. For all their money, and fame and extravagant lifestyles. Most of them are miserable and scared. It is fear, fear of being an outcast, or a freak is what drives hate. The best way to show that youre not that is to oppose yourself to what they represent. I feel so much sadness and empathy for the whole human race as a whole. So many people dying daily, every single fucking day. And you know what? We could prevent it, fuck you, me, everyone COULD. But I wont, neither will you. Because it doesnt affect you, youre not getting shot, or starving, or homeless. Its just easier to ignore it, and live your lives. Theres blood on all our hands. Ask yourself, do you have an iPod, or a cell phone? I bet you do. And I bet, if you took that money, and put it towards a shelter for refugees in Sudan, or medical supplies in Africa you could save a hundred human lives. What is the value of a human life to you? Because you already took money, and material possessions over someone elses life that you could have saved. So ill ask you this last question. Are those who sit by, and do nothing to save a life, where they could, any better than those who are the ones holding the guns, directing the air strikes, or overpopulating their country? Explain your passion for music: Music is life. Its my passion, and my therapy. Music is the sound of emotion. Anger, Love, Fear, Joy. Its in every note and in every song. Music is MY god, its the only thing that has, and always has been there for me. And when the world ends, all the music we have will be silent. Then youll hear me sing. I guess I already sort of ranted with that other question but I have one last thought. Everything in the world, in existence, is subject to perception. Good, Evil, Love, Hate, Time, Everything. I ask you, what is a GOOD person? You say a person is someone who does nice things. And I ask you WHY. Why is that good? A serial killer views his murders as setting people free from their mortal bounds, in his own mind is he not good? Perception, from his view he is good. Do you think any 114

of the worlds infamous dictators or murders thought they were bad people? Not a lot I would imagine. There is no good and evil, because there is no basis for comparison, ah but what about god? Didnt he define what good and evil is? Assuming you believe in god (I dont think I do) wouldnt it be fair to say that it was his WILL that allows all these supposed evil things to happen. Time even doesnt exist, its just a human way of trying to measure something. We made it up. A man traveling at light speed for years would age drastically slower than a man who lived on earth, Time is perception. How do you know that to you, what is a second, to another man doesnt take place to him in the time of a year? Or that the color green isnt something that someone else sees as blue? Everything is relative to perception. I will leave you with this. Dont waste your life on the small shit. People spend decades making careers, and millions of dollars. It doesnt matter, none of it matters. You are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things it doesnt matter. Dont waste your life, just do what makes you happy. The time you have alive is so short you had better start spending it living. If you dont, you will end up dead long before youre in the ground.

TRUTHFULLY TOLD TRUTHS

THAT MEGHAN WROTE. THESE ARE FUNNY, INSIGHTFUL, AND AWESOME.
(I bolded my favorite ones.) Our shoes tell more about us than our mouths ever will. Paint the picture of your life. Live it up. Prejudice doesnt exist. Religion doesnt exist. I wonder if worms get mad when we walk on their roof. Violence shows weakness, not strength. Sometimes you do your hair and sometimes your hair does you. When we say shoot for the stars why do we aim so low? 115

Life is beautiful. If you disagree, you are too selfish to see otherwise. Touch people. Human contact is needed, wanted, required and healthy. We dont get enough of it. Dont wear underwear for longer than you normally would. Thats what freedom feels like. Racism doesnt exist. No one affects your beliefs or views. Make your darkness your light. A regret is a mistake you didnt learn from. Rain is the sky cleansing itself and us. When a bird flies through the sky, it sees is for who we are without judgment. Just because spandex comes in your size doesnt mean you are supposed to buy it. Mom Life is a game. Take what comes and laugh it off and learn from what went bad. No one dies. They become a memory and a heart string. The crazy cat lady is the happiest person ever. We are sad and lonely. Cry. It helps. Kiss. Its fucking awesome and its nice. Do we really know ourselves? Go find out. The treadmill: Satins hamster wheel Dont be fake. Then its like their normal persona wasnt worth the effort to show you. If someone holds you at that much of a distance, do you really want to know the person underneath? You may not want to, considering they put up a fake persona. Ice is a blanket for the fish. All you need is a single person who gets you. You dont have to agree to be right. A domino chain of reactions is what life is. Keep it going. Be the change someone needs to move forward.

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You should brag about the people you slept beside, not the people you slept with. Find that thing that can cleanse your soul. Use it. Make up makes you up, makes you fake, makes you ugly, made you up. Three words: Now its five. Stickers make everything better. If only the ideas we get in the shower and before bed happened all the time. Try to change that. How does the chicken feel when we talk about him crossing the road so much. Half full = optimist. Half empty = pessimist. Theres something in there = apathy? You dont have to have anything to feel good about yourself. All the other things are like a boost of star power. Dont hate on gamers. Everyone does it. Not to mention they know more about what to do with their hands than you ever will, their hand-eye coordination plays to their advantage, and they know that up up down left LB RB X B does something AWESOME. Try to see the colors beneath the surface. Sing with your mind, heart, and soul. Death should not be the thing that brings us together or reminds you to live life. Fear is natural, common, and conquerable. Sunshine is the only medicine. Be your own superhero. Who dubbed stripping as an undesirable job? Most of those people are trying to put food on the table, and most women out there are way more slutty than strippers. Unleash the same imagination and creativity you have in dreams into real life. Obsession should never happen. Our love for someone should extend beyond I love you.

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I love you should be said because you mean it, not because the other person wants to hear it or you want head. Bumper stickers say what we dont have the balls to. Dont think about what others think for once and do what you want. Make your own pattern. Sew your own quilt. Maybe dinosaurs can see the future. They saw how terrible we are and left. Feel the music in your soul. You just have to find it. Give your parents credit. They care for you and love you after all the dumb shit we do and all the annoying things that happen. Any other person would have just given up. Never insult friends. Without them you are nothing. Not everyone dances well, but if we dance with our own style and have fun, who fucking cares? No one has power. Power can always change. Eat an entire pizza or pint of ice cream. If you do not throw up or die, think of what else you can do. Growing up doesnt mean losing your innocence. A second chance should be earned. Take it as a gift. Save the drama for someone who wants to see the play of the story of your life. Exiled for being different? We should be exiled for being the same. Cock blocks happen. As do falcon punches. When an appendage falls asleep, its that part of your bodys way of saying FUCK YOU. Headphones are good for listening to music and teaching you how to untie different kinds of knots. Find something that you can do better than most people. Share knowledge. Learn. Nothing should hinder your creative thoughts. 118

Let laughter spread. Maybe Hansel and Gretel wanted to get lost. Maybe they wanted to be found. While playing padiddle watch out for sun roofs and door handles. Dont complain. Someone has it worse off than you. Sometimes the best things in life are unplanned My good friend Brian Be eclectic in what you like. Speak your mind. If you have boobs, you make the rules. Dont cheat. No one wins there. A mirror is your best friend or your enemy. No in-between. Life is both an illusion and a reality. Solar powered carsthat flywhy the fuck not? Weight is only a big deal to the paparazzi. No one actually notices your weight. The honey bee is natures cupid. We shouldnt have to write thank you cards. If someone does something nice, they did it out of the kindness of their heart and they dont need or ask for anything back. Traffic doesnt have to be miserable and boring. Entertain the other people around you. If you dont like the way someone acts, dont act like them. My grandmother Be good or be good at it. Teacher Dad (Mr. Muse) Express yourself in whatever way you can. Lose yourself just enough so you dont lose yourself. Playground: (n) a place where a persons recklessness is unleashed. Mosh pits: (n) a place where your fun depends on how hurt you get; see slow, painful death Amusement park: (n) a place where you spin in circles and get tossed around to the point where you throw up or fear death. 119

If you overcame an addiction or any type of deathly disease, you are one of the strongest people alive. Fuzzy blankets are the best thing on the planet. If you got it, flaunt it. But really what was the chicken doing when it crossed the road? Childhood games are the most fun when they are dangerous or someone gets hurt. Be curious. If you are a leader, you are a leader for life. Its the new experiences that give you a new, interesting, and different view. The littlest things in life bring the most comfort. The littlest things in life make the biggest difference. Tell someone off. They may need to hear it. Mind reading is the power we want, but dont want. You cant blame everything on others. Be blunt. Its better than beating around the bush, and a lot of people like it better that way. Socks are like people. There are always a few that are alone, and the will always be lonely. All that can help them is the others to keep them warm. Everything breaks. Just fix it up as well as you can, and move on with your life. A notebook can be filled with ideas, smut, clutter, or paper. Outdoor showers: because everyone wants to feel exposed. Bouse houses: fucking disgusting place you go when a thorn patch or your own floor is the next viable option. People should hibernate. Everyone could use more sleep, and you can get a lot more accomplished with more sleep. Make your own journey. Use cruise control only in your car. Even if you dont have a good voice, you should sing. My good friend Amy 120

What do you see when you close your eyes? Does the eye play tricks or does the mind? Why do we kill weeds but let flowers live? Beauty is the deciding factor. Why do we put flowers in pots? Wouldnt we want them to grow free? Make a mark. War is the cancer of society. We are all beautiful in our own way. Look at the ugly caterpillar that turns into a butterfly. Go and change for someone else. Its not like your own self was important or of any value to anything or something like that. Dont ever change yourself. Hey dumb skinny bitches! Eat a fucking burger! You gross out half the planet with your bone marrow! Do you honestly think you look good? Do something stupid. It shows you what not to do. Time goes slow when youre bored stiff. It goes by fast when you dont pay attention or when you dont want it to. Most awkward word: moist. Getting out of the shower will always suck. Every time we get a letter, we have a new chance to open it neatly. Most of us fail every time. Think you know your own house? See how much you bump into when you try to navigate your way around at night. Labels on people exist because we dont know who we are. Find the unfamiliar in the familiar. Who came up with the English words for animal noises? They sound nothing like one another. Your opinion is wrong and right to someone. Everyones handwriting is unique and messy. The beat-up possessions tell the best stories. Find the one person that makes you happy in every way. Then you will be truly satisfied. 121

A fuddy is a normal and awesome person to have in your life. The government should not be in charge of censorship. You are the only one who should be in control of what you and your kids see or hear. Laughing is the greatest experience and feeling. Phone sex is only a dumb idea until you try it. Why cant the Trix rabbit and Lucky have their cereal, but Tony the Tiger can? If you take pictures of yourself, you are wicked vain and have no friends. There is no gold at the end of the rainbow. The leprechaun figured out that everyone was after his gold, and probably moved it. Nothing ends. Nothing is final.

SARAH F.
HERO
Blank papers are inviting People are floating around me trying to find the right way. Sheppard vs. sheep. Always cheer for the underdog. I am ___________________ Fill in adjective here I have opinions. If the truth will set you free, why am I always in so much fucking trouble? Fuck shit up, get people talking. Never have plan B. Vandalize everything with ideas. 122

Dont reject the unfamiliar Live up to the standards you set in the beginning, dont give up cause theyre too fucking difficult. Karmas a bitch. Dont sit back and watch. I live off of cocoa puffs, Diet Coke, and music. Oxygen is overrated. Everything in the world connects When I look in the camera, I see a different world In reality, reality doesnt exist. Everything kills. Suicide is this new fad. Thunder combines with sound making the perfect recipe forUnfinished ideas are perfect. Fill then out in 10 years. Repeat, rinse, lather. And one day I woke up and everything was filled with colour. The grass was purple, and the sky was red. Thank you friend. You changed my life to see everything how I want it. I search for ideas in the back of my mind. Maybe hatred for a person is when you see yourself in them. I pledge to something I do not know about every morning. The future is scary, the present is scarier. I want this big revolution that no one even knows about to happen. Marijuana=Nature. Solitude is my sanctuary.

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I wonder what I am doing here. What peoples ideas are. If people have ideas or if they are just thrown away in a recycling bin for other people to grab. Crayons stream through my blood and eventually form into one. I feel infinite and we will grow to trees, share our soil and dance forever. I do not paint a happy face anymore. I lied down in the dark with my head to speakers, tears streaming. Glares igniting Hearing every soda carbonation pop. I wrote this with my left hand. We are all humans with electricity that flows into ideas. Do not cross out ideas. I just contradicted myself again. You are older. You are my hero. People underestimate, prove them wrong. I will always be put down, but sometimes being kicked to the ground in front of people is better than being lifted into the shadows. I get pushed around, but when I start bleeding the ideas pour out too. Humans and the universe are equal to each other. We both let out an equal force off one another Once you add science to music and art, it turns to shit. Everything is clich, everyone is predictable. This world is so fake, its becoming real. Our plants are dying, and so are we. We will bury them and when we die we will be buried with them. Everything will decompose and grow into one big tree. Will you join me walking barefoot in the summer?

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My phone and computer let out toxic fumes of addiction. Beauty and Ugly equal each other I have been alone since 1995. I have one trillion and 3 years to live. I dont want to live 3 years without you. We are all brothers and sisters, do not hate. No matter how many times I cross out that I am afraid for the future I can still see it, and it burrows in my mind. The thought of there being a God scares me, the thought of there not being a God scares me. Life is moving slower than thoughts. I am afraid my thoughts will change when Im older. Traditions can be broken, traditions will be broken. Recovery exists, were all too weak to admit were not completely broken. I will pack a sweater and be on my way. Music is in my cells. Happiness is an illusion, a cover-up above whats really there. I get high without all the drugs. (Alexs sticky note comment: You cant get high without drugs. Its called emotions. High is a chemical reaction of the brain. *applause*) Peter Pan is present in everyone in a point of time. I hope I dont turn into Wendy. This Universe is not magnetic, unless we are its special exceptions. I start to think of an idea and realize its just lyrics imprinted in my mind. I imagine the future in two ways: 1. Telling people of how strange I was and regretting it. 2. Being the same. 125

Id rather the second. Running away isnt my result of angst. Angst is another word for figuring things out. I will be teen angst forever. I hope I dont repeat ideas. Hopelessness is worse than anything. It is now March, Ill cry til May. I try to not be violent, including to myself. Theres a scientific explanation towards everything but art and miracles. Good ideas come from depression. Bad depression comes from ideas. Theres no such thing as time. Where does the time go between when the pen hits the paper? Im sitting in math and everyone around me is happy. I know you are lonely, you will regret it. Dont regret. My handwriting is messy with ideas. Id like to visit Tokyo if its anything like the song. I hope heaven exists, I hope it is ever-changing and were not stuck in the same place for eternity. Our minds control the time. Every time a blade hits the wrist of a kid, I swear I can feel it on my skin. The pain is released through me. Depression is one of those things where people lie about being in it, until they cant move or talk.

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There is gossip and lies that travel within my body, and are transported by my blood which seeps out the wrists of teens everywhere. Id like to trace my veins with a marker and see where they lead to. Phones are a matter of miscommunication, ironically enough. Share ideas with your neighbors, friends, enemies, local potheads. There is no such thing as an even score. I think the goal we are supposed to be trying to reach is death. TRUST YOUR HANDS, TRUST YOUR BRAIN, MAKE ART WITHOUT YOUR EYES. You can make yourself see things without drugs. Its that thing called imagination. Pen will never wash out of your pores. I will wake up in a land of green grass that grows eight feet tall, with sand between my toes. I am tired and cannot write ideas. I will have dreams about getting this book published. If anyone is reading this, we proved all you jackasses wrong. I havent begun to trust my mind and my hands over my eyes. Everyones given up on me, its too fucking hard. This is ridiculous, and no one ever makes it out safe in the world. Im deathly afraid of change, I pretend I want it. Everyone has ADHD, no one has ADHD. Distortion of reality is Reality. Exchange souls on the count of three. I exist in the tracks reality is leaving behind.

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All of my ideas are just stupid and angry. I hope one day my hands run away so I dont have the chance to write unintelligent things. Anger is a raw emotion. Breaking and smashing and healing and breaking again They put tape over my eyes and hid me from the horror and heartbreak of the world. Always 2nd place. Always. Art isnt meant to be shown off. If it was, wed be able to read minds. Close your eyes and write forever. Never start on a new page, new chapter. Let your old mistakes shine through your new ones. Laugh at the world. Laugh at yourself, were foolish. The skin on my fingers is peeling off, and new skin forms in its place. Ideas are peeling off my brain and new ideas form in their place. I smell alcohol. [Barbara Kruger once said We dont need another hero. Because like any girl all she really wants is that fickle little bitch romance. WERE JUST TRENDY THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.]

AMY M.
WE EAT BURRITOS, WE SEE LITTLE KID MOVIES IN THEATERS, AND WE DONT WEAR SHOES. WE EAT, SLEEP, AND SING IN HER CAR. WERE PHAMOUS. People are good. Humanity is corruptible. Have faith in people. Every big thing is made up of a myriad of little things. Enjoy the little things in life.

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Our idea of heaven is created from our idea of hell. Our world is the immediate reality of both. Lack of natural talent is not an excuse. No one gets along with their family. Someday, your kids will say you dont understand too. To be is to be connected. The world is perfect in its imperfection. Trees are the wisest story tellers. Music brings people together. It is the universal language. If we spent more time dancing, and less time fighting, wed be healthy and happy. Self-righteousness is the downfall of humanity. The Sun is not just ours. It warms 7 other planets, and shines in the sky of a million other worlds. Money is make-believe. Do not let yourself fall into a cycle. Theres always more ink. Swagger [all]ways. The comfort of logic has no place in reality. We are all gods of our own universe. Not seeing is believing. Life is as good as it gets. GO ADVENTURING! Shoes are a fallacy. War is not a necessary evil. Evil is never necessary.

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Fate is a hollow excuse recited by those who are too cowardly to create their own future. To step beyond comfortable observation and instead create something completely ones own: this is what it means to have purpose. Self-awareness leads to the discovery of ones reason. Everyone needs a reason. And now, a poem I share from my past: They have walked this path before. It is paved. It is set. It is safe. I am not life. I am existence. I am flesh and brittle bones, A hunk of slowly rotting meat. I am a system of organs. I am the system. I am not a question, I am a statement. A fact in a long list of statistics. And on that note: Everyone, EVERYONE feels this way at some point. Life is what you make it, and there is no set path, just the most obvious one. Anyone can find their own trail if they look hard enough. If you do not find it, create it.

In Regards to Reality:
Make-believe is reality, It is possibility. Men of fact and science, Children of pretend and fantasy, They sleep, and dream possibilities, Reality is in every world but logics. Dont be realistic, Know everything is impossible, Until you realize it is possible, 130

Carve, paint, declare, create, Your own reality of make-believe.

In Regards to Conformity:
Nonconformity is conformity, Define yourself, not your surroundings. Do not be the negative of someone elses impression. Make your own impression, And where yours overlaps with anothers, You will find a friend.

In Regards to Both:
When only fairy tales are real, Make-believe is serious. Conformity is the only pretend, And the real world is built from the imaginary. Pillows cover teeth and make fairy tales real. If reality and make-believe blend together, Then there are no lines, so color everything.

MR. MUSE
MY MUSIC TEACHER IS BRILLIANT. ALSO MR. MUSE IS NOT HIS REAL NAME SO DONT GET TOO EXCITED. I said that we are each individually the center of the universe since the universe goes on for infinity. And he said sell that to me. Make me believe that. And I didnt know how to because nobody ever asked me to explain, they either just immediately bought it or gave that my brain just definitely shut down look. He kind of answered the question for me and started talking about how we each have our own universes and we can control them and find our own realities. I said dont be realistic and he said well sometimes you have to, but you can be unrealistic in your own universe. It goes back to the infinity thing. To him, being unrealistic means going against the flow and doing your own thing. He used another phrase but I forget now.

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I said prove your parents wrong and he said yes, you can control your own destiny and that also goes back to the universe and infinity thing. It can all relate to that first idea. Maddie said If love creates life, hate creates death. He said yes but love can also create death. I asked how and he said if you love somebody so much, and they dont love you back, it can kill you. It physically hurts you, it wears you down, you dont get sleep, and sometimes people do crazy things. I asked if love can create death then can hate create life. And he had to walk away to think about it for a few minutes. He came back and said yes; think about hatred for a parent. And then he started talking and it was very incredible but I cant think of what he said now because I was so hypnotized by his rad words. I wish I could remember it. He says I am just a hippie and its so rad and we would be friends if I was in high school when he was. Then he gave me this idea: Right now, think about what you need to happen for you to be happy. What needs to happen in your life for you to be happy? Write it in the space below.

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133

NOTHING.
Nothing needs to happen in your life for you to be happy.

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SARAH B. IDEAS/PHONE CONVERSATIONS/TEXTS

THE ESSENCE OF LIFE IS NOT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU, BUT WHAT YOU COLLECT OUT OF WHAT YOU DO. Sarah. Me. The mind is made of ideas, creations, mental notes. What is yours made of? My brain is made of nonsense, mischief, numbers, madness. And inspiration. Lover Not a Fighter. Hugger Not a Hater. Smiler Not a Crier. Dont worry Be happy :D A tribute to inspiration. I love how you get so excited about everything I say! Haha sorry, Im just really enthusiastic about words. Im enthusiastic about everything, so its okay! What inspires you? I dont know. I dont think anything inspires me. I feel like when things inspire you to do something, the action isnt truly original. I like to be original, and not just copy what somebody else does. So I guess Im my inspiration.

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What is happiness? You can never explain happiness. Its just something you feel. Its not like you could describe it without using different words. It just IS. What would you kill for? Nothing. THATS THE BEST ANSWER. EVER. Really? Out of all the other answers? Its only a one word answer. No, its definitely the best answer. Miracles are simple happenings that turn out to be amazing. (amazing happenings turn out to be simple miracles.) When the sky falls, keep yourself on the ground, and you can catch it. Singing unites the world. Hey Nessa wisdom doesnt come from the soul but from every part of you. I wanted to say that right after I said hi so I wouldnt forget. (Wisdom does not come from the soul but from every part of the shoe. Mr. Bav) Words have meaning, and yet they do not. Longing, needing, wanting. Those stupid, simple words. I need to tell you. Never once a happy ending. I do not choose this, it is who I am. Because I never end up glorious. Buy me iced tea and Ill be your best friend. Im typing up ideas. Quick, gimme one. Uhmm, Vanessa Gregory is really pretty. Im gonna type that. Oh my god please do. Also mention we are getting married. 136

Alright. In some situations I dont belong, or feel like I want to evaporate. Im not depressed or anything, its just sometimes I feel awkward and I question a lot of things. Thats all. I like the way you think. You think differently than the obvious.

ONE WORD SHUFFLE

MYSELF. REQUIRED Aimee. Comfort Mike. WHAT IS FAMILY? Everyone Required comfort. Comfort everyone. Everyone is required to comfort. WHO IS JESUS? DEAD All dead. Dead bearded. Beardead. WHO ARE YOU? KID Every kid. One kid. Every kid is me. WHY LIFE? THINK Build Spread buildings. Build spreadings. Spread thinking. 137 Spread Every[one] Me All Bearded

WHY DO YOU CRY? PEOPLE Wash Agua Wash people with agua. People wash people. Agua washes people. WHAT DO YOU WANT? IDEAS Me Free me from ideas. Ideas free me. Ideas of freedom. Meedom. WHAT DO YOU FEAR? LONLINESS Fear myself. Fear loneliness. Theres nothing to fear but fear myself. FOREVER? DANCE and ever. Dance forever and ever. Yes and ever. Dance? Yes. WHERE IS INFINITY? NOWHERE Here Yes. Fear Myself Freedom

NOWHERE. NOW HERE.

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WHAT IS NORMAL? MASTURBATION Imaginary masturbation. Abnormal masturbation. Imaginary abnormality. Abnormal imagery. HOW WILL YOU DIE? YOUNG Live young. Fulfill a life. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE? MINDS Unseen eyes. Minds eyes. Unseen minds eyes. Eye unseen minds. Mind your eyes. WHAT DO YOU KNOW? HANDS Enough hands. Enough of nothing. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT? THINGS Simply Sometimes Sometimes, simple things. Some things simply time. Time simple things. Enough Nothing Nothing is enough. Unseen Eyes Fulfilled Alive Abnormality Imaginary

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BEN.
PARTY HARD. If cats could talk they could easily take over the world because if they could spontaneously get the ability to communicate with another species, I dont want to know what else they could do. I thought that would be cool for your theories page. If you got the chance to meet/talk to any emotion, which would you choose? Anger. What would you say? I would say you suck. It would get pissed if you said that. Lmao exactly. Dont hate, contradictiate! Is that a word? You should put that in there because its basically what this whole books about. If you take life too seriously, it just might trick you. Humans are the downfall of humans. If you're only good at one thing it's easier for your talent to be worth nothing. I wish food was edible. Look in the mirror without wiping off the steam. Put your iPod on shuffle but don't skip any songs. You can learn a lot about yourself that way. Remember when you were 4 and you used to draw people without a body, just a circle with arms and legs? Just start again. It feels right. Run away. Everyone can sing it just matters if you have the balls to get up and do it! JUST PASS THE GOD DAMN SALT! Try that foreign guy's lotion at the kiosk at the mall, its smell and righteousness will fill you with content. Don't be a teacher unless you are willing to be taught. Buy something and throw it away. Buy it again and give it to someone who needs it. 140

 Do nothing. It gives you time to think about a lot. I want to start a magazine with embarrassing pictures of paparazzi taken by celebrities wanting revenge. Wave to a lonely stranger. Go to Urbandictionary.com and search your first name its scary how true some of them are. Leave money in your pockets. It adds excitement for the days to come. Lose things and don't look for them. It could pay off in sporadic joy. Make your own Band-Aides. Self healing is Self Acceptance is Self Confidence is Everything. Say something nice when someone did bad. Say something nice when someone did good. Say something nice. SAY SOMETHING!! A hole in a fence means "Just don't get caught." Caution tape really means "Adventure in here!" Try having fun for once. GEEZ. Introduce yourself as someone you admire. Watch peoples Faces. Invent something great. But don't share it. Double Tap. Play with everything. Make music with anything. Stop rhyming. You'll feel free. Rebel. Sometimes it's the only way to restore order. Rewrite the dictionary. Plant a tree inside. Live outside. When you return the tree will be withered. Let it affect you. Let everything change your mind. Don't try to be different. Be natural. Sour isn't sour. Self-pity is. Watch t.v. or a movie on mute. Use your imagination to decide what they are saying. Give yourself a tattoo. The regret will prove youre still alive. Give until you have nothing. Then yes, you may have an opinion. Color in the newspaper. Argue everything. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." 141

 Write with your eyes closed. Period. Answer the phone. Telemarketers are just people who hate their jobs. So ya... They're just like everyone else. No. You may not have my T-Rex Silly Band. Drink Snapple. It will fill your soul with beams of Sunshine. Never. NEVER! Use a pencil. It will erase with your tears of disgust. Black and white is as vibrate as pink and green.

MORE IDEAS
Me. Connor. Aimee.
Whats the answer? Always and never. The answer is bringing all things together and going where youve never been. The world is not made of colors but of one color. The glass is half full because you are born knowing nothing and gradually fill your experience and knowledge. It is only half empty when you think it is. What color is the world? The world is the color. The world is not a color, it is a star that we shape the way we want it to be. (Little Gomez): Its like, if you love someone, or have feelings for someone, why let those feelings go to waste? I mean you never know who can and will change your life.

Me. Margot.
If you could talk to Jesus, what would you say? I would ask him if what my parents have been shoving down my throat my entire life is true. I would ask him if there is hope in the world. I would ask him if Ive been told lies my whole life. 142

If you got the chance to see what one emotion looked like, which would you choose? What do you think it would look like? What would you say to it? I would want to see what confusion looks like. I would want to know what it thought, and ask it confusing questions to see confusion confused. (Maybe confusion thinks in such fantastic sense that we cant comprehend it even if we tried.) What is your favorite place? My favorite place Im not sure if Ive found it yet. Somewhere where I know I am completely safe and happy. Or maybe not. I like to sit in the middle of the road on a windy night and stare at the stars. Maybe thats it. What inspires you? Dysfunction. I like when things dont quite make sense or work together, and I branch out from that. Also, shadows. For some reason, I really like shadows. What is your philosophy? Dont be realistic Be interesting and a little weird. Dont bother with opinions from people who dont matter. Do what makes you feel important. DEATH IS A STANDING OVATION.

JAKE (could coax an army of blood-thirsty Vikings)

THREE WAYS TO COMFORT A LIVING BEING 1. Music: Not only does music provide comfort when we are having strong emotions, but it also provides a sense of understanding from something as wondrous as a musical instrument. How does one connect to a piano or a tambourine? When a baby is in the womb it will respond to listening to music and it actually stimulates brain activity. Studies have even shown that when growing plants if you provide music they can actually grow more efficiently. For those of us that have trouble sleeping we depend on music. Music may be our iPod, listening to the television, or falling asleep to a loved ones voice. Any sound that brings joy to our heart is simply music to our ears.

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2. Vocalization: Even as we grow we maintain characteristics from being a baby. Sometimes when we are treated as a young child we find the most comfort. When I was twelve my father read a book to me called Flat Stanley as we laid on the couch together. When you are reminded that you still contain innocence the world can seem brighter to you. When a child is young it is highly comforting to them if you sing to them. At seventeen years old when my boyfriend is having trouble calming down or falling asleep I simply sing You Are My Sunshine to him and he becomes more relaxed almost instantly. 3. Praise: When you praise someone you give them comfort in knowing that they have value and that they do mean something to another human being. We should all be worth something to ourselves, but everyone finds comfort in knowing that they are valuable to others. When a child loses a soccer game, praise them for what theyve done. Praise them for the effort theyve made.

MAX CAME HOME TO WARM SOUP

Jake Taylor O'Connor September 24, 2009 at 12:19pm It's an adventure you are experiencing as a mature and real human being. Defying what holds us back is the only real way to live. Getting caught is the rush that keeps us going. It's our motivation. If you play by the rules you only have two paths: win or lose. If we break those rules and live by our own we open up an entire world of opportunities. Love is what we fall back on. A lover's arms are our only true home. Be safe. I love you. Sent via Facebook Mobile

AMANDAS IDEAS.
Youre Special, Damnit! Some people dont realize or believe how special they are, whether it is because of bad events that have happened to them or theyre naturally pessimistic. I tell my boyfriend all the time how proud I am of him, how talented and good of a person he is, and hes still working on believing it. I think no matter if someone is having a good or bad day it is 144

important to tell him or her such things because they need to feel good about themselves. Like Ive heard before, a little confidence booster doesnt hurt, and it lets them know you love them. A H. S. Grad & College Student Realizes Some Things She Didnt Before Now that Im in college I realize how stupid worrying about little things in high school really is. It is not the end of the world if you go to school with your hair a mess or if you get one bad grade. High school is not the only world youll live in. You move forward and on to better things. Stuff in high school wont matter once you get out. And as for college, it is not something to stress over. Major/minor in a subject you love and roll with it. If you change your mind thats okay, youll figure it out; we have our whole lives ahead of us to figure out how we work. I think kids make high school and college a bigger deal than what it is.

ME. FULTON.
"To me, God can't be a personified force. It's merely a force. I mean there has to be something more to this place called reality. I think of it like an underlying logic system. A master code with a sense of self. I call it the god machine." "That's fucking incredible. The god machine. I really like that a lot, Sean. So the god machine has a sense of self separate from the collective individuality we posses as humans?" "Exactly. If it was human, we'd be screwed. Everything we do ripples through the system and has an immediate reaction. Several reactions. The "machine" keeps them consistent. You drop a ball, it falls down." "That is extremely interesting. I love your idea. My belief is that there could not be a self-aware god. But I am very interested in your point of view." "I agree. Self awareness in something like that is just hard to imagine. With my belief it's like it has just enough awareness to keep itself in check. Consistency is key. Cause and effect. I believe good cause equals good effect." "Do you believe in evil?"

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"Hm.... Excellent question. I think I don't. It's like people aren't evil, they're just dumb. Unaware. But still smart people who are fully aware enjoy the terrible things some of them do.....I guess I do and don't." "That is smart. I don't believe in it either." "My human nature wants to believe in it, but I'm too optimistic to think people are beyond saving. It's complicated as I'm sure you know." "Yes. No one isn't worth saving. Everyone is a lost cause. And vice versa." "Well put."

MATT D.
(I love you, brother. This boy is a hippy and he understands peace.) If I could whistle a happy tune right now, I would, but I cannot whistle. Water feels amazing when you really feel it. No one can learn at 7:25 in the morning. Sometimes the world can be as beautiful as a plastic bag blowing in the wind. Masturbation shouldn't be frowned upon. Everything is mythical. The opposite of violence isn't love. It's coexistence. We are spoiled. Being different shouldn't cause violence. It should be looked at as interesting. An escalator can never be broken. It can only become stairs. You always have second chances, whether it's allowed or not. Music is what feelings sound like We live in a floating solid ball of land...in an infinite black and white area. Is that normal?

Me. Aimee.
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Chew on pencils. Eat meat. Dont waste the recourses that are already dead. They dont need to die. Oh well. Amy: Facebook is the center of misery. Maddie: Keep your enemies close because they will one day be your friends. Im not humble, Im arrogant like the rest of humankind. Ill eventually stop thinking when I get old and pruney and Ill prattle about the good ol days.

NICHOL.
The truth lies in fiction; read between the lines. (Read between the lies) To control your presence is to make yourself an illusion when the real illusion is control. Every scar tells a story, and its not always about what you write but how you write it. Some people bleed blood, and some people bleed black, I bleed music, and poetry, and art. Life is complimentary, acute, and obtuse. Romance is for amateursobsession is the real thing. You are the essence ofnothing actually.

I asked people this question: if you could only hate one thing, what would it be? If you could only love one thing, what would it be?
Aimee would love Connor, and Connor would love Aimee. Mike would hate nothing and love the idea of everything; unity. Maddie would hate war and love peace (because shes the best kid ever.) Matt would love love and hate prejudice. 147

Alex B. would hate sadness and love love. Mrs. S would hate disease and love everything. Megs would hate war and unrest, and love people. Michelle says dont hate. She does not know what she would love. Sam would love love and HAAATE tortellini. Ben would love love itself, and hate humanity. (Humans are the downfall of humans.) Mr. G would love the peace he finds in nature. Maddies mom would love food and hate cold toilet seats. Jake would hate corruption and love humanity. Sean could not choose only one thing to love, and he would hate greed because greed ruins everything. Nichol would hate ignorance and people who are smart but refuse to apply it and have a lack of respect for things they refuse to attempt to understand. She would love herself because from there, she can find compassion for others. Alex B. would love the questions we have for each other and hate not being able to ask them. Harley said everything and nothing. I said hate everything and love nothing? He said sure. I said some people say the other way around. He said that is God because God is love. But there can only be one God. And I said really? And he said no I am just trying to be clever. I would love love and hate hate because I try to be clever too. Also I am a hypocrite for hating hate but Evan says the opposite of hypocrisy is truthfulness so loving love is truthfulness which is amazing.

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A STORY AMY WROTE ABOUT THE LAST TREE EVER

As I look around this field, I see nothing but destruction. My friends strewn dead and decaying on a plain now void of the spirit it once held. Here, families found their homes, and danced among us. Here, an ancient magic was held, unspoken yet nearly tangible in its intensity. Here was death and life, and the joy of utter prosperity. Here was safe, a haven from the unknown and terrifying world that has changed so much from when my most faded memories began; now seen, tall and menacing in its harsh and metallic reality. And now, not even an echo can be heard of these things now passed. My home is dead, my memories now unbelievable in their impossibility as I gaze upon this empty field. The spirit of life and growth has left me. And so I stand here. Alone. The last tree left on the brink of a coffee jungle. (THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYBODY. EVERYONE WHO CONTRIBUTED TO THIS BOOK, THANK YOU. SO MANY PEOPLE SUPPORTED ME, GAVE ME IDEAS, AND SAT THROUGH MY EXCITED RANTS AND COMPLAINTS. I LOVE YOU EVERYONE!!)

ME AND SAMS ORDER OF OUTS. None dressed down everywhere to go. The tree doesn't fall far from the apple. Sock your rocks off! Fonder absence makes the heart grow. A broken heart heals time. Laundering dirty air. A doctor a day keeps the apple away. All is war in fair love.

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First minute. If it means to write, the end is justified. Stab backer. A case of baskets. Choosers can't be beggars. The beholder is in the eye of beauty. Better sorry than safe. Little sister is blind. Half better. Never better than late. Bright future, dull past. Beat a better path and the world will build a mousetrap at your door. Don't cover a judge by his book. (SAMS ORDER OF OUTS IN RESPONSE TO MY IDEAS) (I feel alone.) Alone feels you too. (Calm down, son.) Hype up, daughter. (Lifes no tunnel. Deaths no light.) Theres a light at the end of every tunnel. Theres a tunnel at the end of every light. (Once upon a timeonce a happyevery time after a happy.the end.) End the happily ever after once upon a time Jesus is just a sponge-boys name. (Give the universe to every person you meet.)

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Give every person you meet to the universe. (When everybody prays out loud, it sounds like a roar.) Even when prayers are whispered in the corner of ones mind it is a roar. (A boy leaves a library book in the rain.) The rain leaves a boy with a library book.

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I HAVE A QUESTION. OKAY, WELL ITS MORE OF A STATEMENT IN WHICH I WANT A RESPONSE. ONE WORD. Alex N: RAIN Aimee: LOVE My word: FREE. Connor: OCEAN Mike: YES Catherine: LOVE David: RANDOM I cant decide. Little Gomez: PEACE Alex B: EMOTION Matt: THINK Ben: ANONYMOUS Katie: LOVE Mr. Muse: ACTION Amanda: LOVE Megan: UNCONDITIONAL Jaryd: UNCONVENTIONAL

Sam: SCHIZOPHRENIA Maddie: OM Matt H: PERPETUATE

Champagne: ETERNITY Jen: LOVE or PANCAKES. Mum: LOVE Hannah: COMPASSION Harley: SPEAKEASY Delia: PANCAKE? Evan: INTERTWINED Margot: ENTHUSIASM Hannah: COMPASSION Arthur: MAYBE Amy: ECLECTIC

Sarah G: FREEDOM (weird, right?? I never told her FREE is my one word) (Write your word below. Tell me your word and Ill print it in the next edition.)

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EXPLANATIONS FOR THINGS

DONT BE REALISTIC: My title comes from the book Manifesto, the Anonymous Novel. Its the phrase that sticks out the most to me, and I live by it. I write it on stuff all the time, like shoes and bathroom walls and text books. DANCE FOREVER: Despite an idea you probably found in the OTHER PEOPLE chapter, this phrase has nothing to do with a girl or trees or soil. I drew a shark one time and he looked like he planned to dance forever so I wrote that next to him. Then I used it for my book cover. THIS BOOK: I dont really know how or why I wrote this book. I put some reasons on the first page but I feel like Im forgetting something. I guess I really wanted to make something huge. Ive had that feeling since I was a tiny kid. Right on, feels good. Write a book, you feel invincible when its done. ORANGE MANGO TANGO: Its not a metaphor, its not an inside joke. I really love it that much. SARAH F/HERO: They are the same people. Sorry I know thats confusing. Its just a nickname. ALEX N/ALEX B: Alex N. is a girl and Alex B. is a boy. Yea thats confusing too. HOW I EVEN GOT THIS PRINTED: Maddie mentioned lulu.com to me one day, and said they print books but she didnt know that much else about it. I checked it out and it turned out printing a book takes a lot less time than I thought it would. Thank you Maddie. Dear reader, this book wouldnt be in your hands if it werent for that casual suggestion. THE NEW IDEAS: I said I wouldnt add any ideas to the book so the first-edition people wouldnt get jipped, but I added Harleys ideas and also Bens because theyre both geniuses and I really wanted their words to be in here. The rest you can probably figure out.
By the way, this is the fourth edition of the book. It has even less spelling errors and some new material.

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STUFF THAT CHANGED MY LIFE.

(There is no significant order.) Manifesto, the anonymous novel Marijuana Burt's Bees chapstick The Books My parents and my baby sister Newman's Own Orange Mango Tango juice Where the Wild Things Are the book and also the movie Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole Megan Tic Tacs Zoos The idea of infinity Freshmen. Maddie and Alex N. and Sarah B. and Little Gomez and Nicole and even Pem. Every person I ever talked to in psych wards Meditation Argyle sweaters Sam "My Sister's Keeper" AP Psychology Arizona Iced Tea Mrs. B Brave New World Lemony Snicket John Butler Thumb picks Most of the teachers Ive had The Buddhist temple at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts Hiking 154

A juggling street performer I saw when I was seven Omegle Catcher in the Rye First Church Choir Amy Dunkin Donuts (and Juanita) iPods Montreal, Canada Mall food courts Little Miss Sunshine Eleventh grade English My dog Notebooks full of new paper Alex B. Self-mutilation Summers Every burrito I ever ate Skipping class Evan Jenny Holzer Hippy flops Lulu Tube socks Really hot pavement. Mr. Muse Live music Non-violence Mars Argo Ideas. Sarah Fishman.

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THIS IS THE LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK. HERE IS THE REVOLUTION YOUVE BEEN LOOKING FOR. LET EVERYTHING CHANGE YOUR LIFE. PLEASE, WRITE IDEAS FOREVER.

THE END
OF AN ERA
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