Insights for Parents

Provided by D-G Elementary in recognition of your role as a partner in education

David R. Hill, Principal

Verbal Abuse & Name Calling

It is far easier for teachers, parents, and playground supervisors to spot physical harassment than it is for them to notice something that
can be just as damaging— slurs and name-calling. In reality, the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt
me” has little merit. Words truly can hit as hard as a fist, and unkind labels can follow children throughout their school years.
Don’t allow labels in your home. Forbidding your children to use curse words is important, but it isn’t enough. You
also need to make sure they’re not using ethnic, racial, religious, or sexual orientation slurs. Explain that using labels
like these is insensitive and prevents them from seeing the person as an individual.
Talk about the cruelty some words convey. The phrase “That’s so gay” has become a common slur among
children, although many don’t understand the cruelty that is behind these words. Help children understand the pain
that slurs and name-calling can cause.
Explain that being “different” isn’t justification for being harassed. Although children have always picked on
peers who didn’t seem to fit in, today the abuse has become bolder and, in some cases, led to school violence. Some
children, long-term targets of bullies, have turned to violence—or even suicide—in a form of sick revenge. It is simply not acceptable for
families or schools to allow the harassment of children for any reason at all.
Talk with them about false impressions. A girl who would rather play sports than play with dolls is not boyish; she’s just a girl who would
rather play sports. The same is true for boys who may not enjoy rough-and-tumble activities. Calling children names just because they
choose to follow their own interests is an ignorant choice and cannot be allowed.
Help them understand when words are okay, and when they’re not. Some children may feel that it’s okay to use a slur if they’ve heard
it over and over from others. Help them understand the difference between a word that is being used as a put-down and a word that is
simply a description.
Pay close attention to how your children—and their friends—are behaving toward others and talk with them about how it would feel if they
were the targets of name-calling.

Tame the Teasing

Teasing is not only unkind, but can lead to future personality or
self-esteem problems for both the victim and the teaser. Here are a
few things parents need to know about teasing.
Observe
Does your child tease a lot? Parents often overlook seriously
aggressive behavior. Listening to the comments your child makes
and watching your child's interactions with peers can help
determine whether you have a teaser in the making. If
so, take action. Talking to a counselor about how to
minimize this behavior is an excellent first step.
Monitor your child's Internet activity. With e-mail,
instant messaging, and chat rooms, the Internet has
become the newest teasing forum. Talk with your
child about appropriate use of these communication
methods.
Is your child a silent victim? Many victims are too
ashamed to tell their parents. Pay attention to
changes in your child's behavior and social activities
(e.g., loss of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches,
nervousness) and let your child know that he or she
can talk to you if someone is being cruel to them.
Prevent
Be prepared. Children are most likely to pick on others who come
across as weaker or different. The best way to help your child be
prepared for being teased is to help your child develop strong self-
confidence and self-esteem.
Strength in numbers. Boys and girls with a good group of friends
are less likely to be the victim of teasing. Help your child cultivate a
group of buddies. Encourage social and group activities -- from
Scouts to sports teams -- to give your child peer support.
Take Action
Children can be very sly in their abuse of others, much of
which escapes detection by adults. Teach your child to
report any harassment to the teacher as soon as it
happens. Schools are more aware than ever of the
negative implications of teasing, and are implementing
programs to address the problem.
Teach coping skills. There are excellent materials written
for children who are victims of teasing. Check out online
resources (e.g.., www.no-bully.org, www.antibullying.net,
www.bullying.org, www.ncpc.org) and books for children
and adults. Role-play with your children about how to
respond when they are being harassed, showing them
how to come across as strong and self-confident. Above
all, take action to help them realize that it is the teasers,
not themselves, who are troubled.
Most importantly, children need to know that their home is a safe
haven, a place where they will not be teased by siblings or parents,
a place where they can relax and be themselves.