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SpeechGeek SpeechGeek Presents In This Issue: SG Presents: Junior, Vol. 5 Duo Interpretation Two Telephone

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SpeechGeek SpeechGeek Presents In This Issue: SG Presents: Junior, Vol. 5 Duo Interpretation Two Telephone

In This Issue:

SG Presents: Junior, Vol. 5

Duo Interpretation Two Telephone Conversations by Ross Parker

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Duo Interpretation Sitting on the Bench by Ross Parker

ISBN 978-1-61387-040-2

Price $25 US

http://www.speechgeek.com

Junior,Vol.5

Duo Interpretation Not-So-Identical Twins by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation Not-So-Identical Twins by Ross Parker Duo Interpretation Michael Two by Ross Parker Duo

Duo Interpretation Michael Two by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation The Time Traveler Visits Noah’s Ark by Ross Parker

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Two Telephone Conversations by Ross Parker DAD. Hello,speak to me. SON. Dad,it’s me. DAD .

Two Telephone Conversations

by Ross Parker

DAD.

Hello,speak to me.

SON.

Dad,it’s me.

DAD.

It is “I;”me is objective case.

SON.

It is I, your son.

DAD.

My favorite son

SON.

Dad,I’m your only son.

DAD.

So, what’s up, champ? I’m knee-deep in someone’s questionable

SON.

tax deductions. Dad, you missed my soccer game.You said you’d come!

DAD.

I said I’d try to come,but fending off starvation and homelessness

SON.

for my family got in the way. (pause) So, what happened? We lost…but I got one almost-goal and one almost-assist.

DAD.

Silly me, I thought almost only counted in horseshoes and hand

SON.

grenades. Anyway, that’s good… I’m proud of you.You must lead the league in almost-assists. Very funny,Dad. (pause) Hey could I have a photo of you to keep in

DAD.

my wallet? Well,sure.Why do you want one?

SON.

So I’ll recognize when I see you.You leave before I wake up.You

DAD.

come home late. Don’t tell your mother,but I have another family I have to spend

SON.

time with… I’m kidding. Hey, your sister had to go to college out of state,your mother had to have a new kitchen,and you had to have a “WY” and an “Ipud.”. It’s “Wii” and “iPod,” Dad. Enter the twenty-first century. I’d give

DAD.

up someWii time for some us time,you know? That’s objective case. Yeah, I would too, bucko. It’s just a bad time now. I’m trapped in

SON.

this cubicle they call my “work station.” Dad, I’m sorry I broke your finger that time when we were wres-

DAD.

tling.I didn’t mean to. What? Hey,it was just an accident.No big deal.Anyway that was

SON.

months ago. But we haven’t wrestled since then. And I was getting close to

DAD.

beating you finally. Age and treachery will beat youth and intelligence every time,

SON.

kiddo. But it was my favorite thing to do, and now you never have time.

DAD.

Hey,the day I mail the last house payment,we’ll wrestle‘til the cows come home.That would be in about twelve—no thirteen— years… I think.

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SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

Very funny, Father. You always have a joke, but we never talk anymore. What do you want to discuss… the birds and the bees? Did we have that talk yet? You’re about two years late on that one;Sis’gave me that lecture (sister’s voice) O-M-G, little bro’, didn’t Mom or Dad sit you down yet? That sounds like your sister. Hey, Sport, my supervisor is staring at me,and I’m in serious violation of his no-personal-calls-over-thirty- seconds rule. Okay,Dad.Uh,I’ve got a problem. Could we talk about it tonight? I’ve got a meeting in about three minutes. I might get suspended from school for three days. What!What for? I made what the principal thought was an“inappropriate gesture” while the class pictures were being taken for the yearbook. What! That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard! What were you thinking? Obviously you weren’t thinking at all. It didn’t mean anything.We were just fooling around. Maybe it will mean something to be grounded for two weeks.Okay, I’ll call the principal and beg and wheedle as soon as this meeting is over. I’m supposed to have a parent in his office first thing tomorrow morning. Not me,Bucko.I can’t blow the morning off—especially for some- thing as idiotic as this.Ask your Mom.She’ll go. Dad,I’m sorry I disappointed you. Okay,okay.Whatever.You’ll survive. Dad, I just wanted to tell you I…. (interrupting) Sorry.I gotta run.We’ll discuss this later. (hangs up) … need you Dad.

(ten years later,a second telephone conversation)

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

DAD.

SON.

Hello Hey,big guy,how are you? Dad… I’m fine… Okay… Kind of busy. Are you and Mom okay? Sure,we’re fine.Just miss talking to you… Now that you moved across the country, it seems like we never see you guys. We’ve gone over that,Dad. It was a great opportunity.I’ve finally got a job with some future. Sure,sure.I know.I’m not laying any guilt trip on you.I just called to chat. I miss seeing my favorite grandson. He’s your only grandson,Dad.Look,I’d love to chat,but this isn’t a good time. I’ve got this report due by the end of the day, and Sarah

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Sitting on the Bench by Ross Parker BOTH. ( singing ) O’er the land of

Sitting on the Bench

by Ross Parker

BOTH.

(singing) O’er the land of the free, and the home of the

DELANEY.

brave! (hands out) Go Lady Bulldogs! Here we go, ladies and gentlemen, with another hard-

STELLA.

hitting middle school hockey game between the beloved Lady Bulldogs,representing the forces of good,and their crude and uncultured cross-town rivals,the evil Lady Warriors. What are you:an announcer or a hockey player?

DELANEY.

Hey,even the announcer will get more ice time in this game

STELLA.

than we will on the bench… fourth line alternates, sheesh. Actually,I’m the fourth line alternate;you are the substitute

DELANEY.

for the fourth line alternate. Whatever…There goes the puck…Oh! Oh! Look at that

STELLA.

Amazon go through our defense… She scored! Yikes, what a slapshot! I would have ducked, too, Mary Kate. Goaltenders aren’t supposed to duck. That’s what they

DELANEY.

have pads for. “You have nothing to fear but fear itself,” Mary Kate. Franklin Roosevelt. Anyway, this game is looking up, bench sister. Coach says

STELLA.

we might get to play if we are 7 goals ahead or 7 goals behind. Nice to know we can really have an impact. Hey, we’re lucky to make this team. “Ask not what your

DELANEY.

team can do for you—ask what you can do for your team.” John Kennedy. Come on, let’s do a wave. Stella, no one has done a wave since 1987… It could be

STELLA.

worse. We could be referees skating around in that zebra costume. “The credit goes to the girl in the arena whose face is

DELANEY.

marred by dust and sweat and blood and not to those cold and timid souls who never know victory or defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt. Stella, concentrate on the game. It’s three-to-nothing

STELLA.

already. Actually, I wish I were home reading social studies. I

DELANEY.

love social studies. Look,Stella,we’ve been best friends since pre-school,

STELLA.

right? Right.

DELANEY.

So don’t take this the wrong way. It’s okay to be weird about social studies and always quoting dead presidents and all, but do you have to do it out loud? At least you

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STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

BOTH.

DELANEY.

STELLA.

could whisper it to me,and I’ll just giggle and pretend you’re telling me a secret about a boy. No one will ever know how really strange you are. Sorry,I can’t help myself. Hey, Mary Kate just stopped a shot by the Amazon! Way to go goalie! The puck… (covers mouth) Go on.Get it out of your system. “The puck stops here.” Harry Truman. There’s your mom in the stands. What is she doing? She’s knitting her latest horrible sweater vest. It’s for my brother. But it’s lime green and purple. You could get arrested for wearing that. Your brother is cool. Does he know who I am? Girls don’t exist in my brother’s universe. He lives only to stuff sixth graders into lockers and torture his siblings. I think aliens took away my real brother and left this one. Some day they will bring him back,and he will be so kind to his little sister. What’s the score? Five to zippo. We still have a chance to play. Maybe we just need a different persona. “Persona.” You and that lit class. Really,we could be the Goon Sisters—checking girls into the boards and slashing them with our sticks. More like the Goonie Sisters the way we skate. You need a positive attitude. See Sarah just scored. Hey, Sarah girl, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Teddy Roosevelt. I see my efforts to save you from being institutionalized are being wasted. Anyway, I do have a positive attitude. We positively are not going to have to take a shower after this game because we are not leaving this bench. Have you ever wondered why we have to be the “Lady” Bulldogs? Why couldn’t we just be the Bulldogs and the boys can be the Gentlemen Bulldogs? It’s because they had a team first. My mom says if it wasn’t for Title IX we would all still be still be pom-pom girls.… Ooh, that Amazon is incredible. Her parents probably put steroids in her cereal every morning. Did you see her check Sarah? Hey, the ref is finally calling a penalty. Duuuum… de dum dum—Dummmmmm! Way to go,ref! I thought you’d swallowed your whistle. Hey,Delaney,you know how you are supposed to tell someone something important when it occurs to you rather

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Not-So-Identical Twins

by Ross Parker

(Both Sarah and Susannah are sitting at the breakfast table.)

SARAH.

Mom, isn’t it possible that Susannah isn’t really my identical

SUSANNAH.

twin sister? That we found her in a reed basket floating in the fishpond or something? If anyone was mistakenly left by the stork on the doorstep,

SARAH.

it would be you, Sarah, not me. I am the more mature one—fifteen minutes more mature,to be exact. I mean we have got to be the most un-identical twins on

SUSANNAH.

the face of the Earth. Maybe you are just some genetic anomaly. Sure,it is just a one-in-seven-billion coincidence that we

SARAH.

have the same DNA, look exactly alike, and sleep in the same bedroom. But consider how different we are. You like history.

SUSANNAH.

I love history.

SARAH.

Okay, you love history and can’t do a forward somersault to

SUSANNAH.

save your life;whereas,I detest the study of dead people and am the acknowledged queen of the basketball court. (pantomines a jump-shot) She shoots,she scores! Look at us! We can’t even eat the same breakfast. You—cultured yogurt with slices of grapefruit and granules of wheat germ. Yuck! Good for brain development.Better than extra-cholesterol

SARAH.

scrambled eggs and a slab of pork fried in its own juices. Double yuck! My breakfast is packed with protein to build muscles for

SUSANNAH.

athletic competition and great for punishing opponents under the backboards. Actually, maybe we should switch breakfasts today. You need some muscle food and I need some brain food. I’ve got a history test that is going to kick my…. (interrupting) Please don’t be vulgar at the breakfast table.

SARAH.

It is true that I need an infusion of maximal aerobic energy to excel at cheerleading tryouts. So actually, my dear sister,perhaps you have the germ of an idea for a tempo- rary change of diets. You! A cheerleader! Aren’t you the one who took out mom’s

SUSANNAH.

favorite lamp,trying to do a cartwheel in the living room? I was only eight years old.

SARAH.

Nine!

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SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

Okay.Nine.Anyway,I have been studying the biomechan- ics of cartwheels and I am now confident of achieving one…at least theoretically.Anyway—about your history test—let’s see how prepared you are.What are the pros and cons of the Electoral College? Uh,Electoral College,Electoral College…strong backcourt but weak in the paint? That’s what I thought.You haven’t a clue about this test, do you? Okay, okay. Hey, instead of just switching breakfasts, why don’t we trade our entire days?You be me and take my history test, and I will be you and go to cheerleader tryouts. What do you say? That is ridic… It is prepost… Actually,that might be a great idea—just for today,of course.I do so want to be a cheerleader. And I would like a respectable grade in history.It will look good to travel team recruiters. Come on,or we’ll be late for school.I do not want you getting my very first tardy of the year. Right behind you,Sister Sue,or should I say Sister Sarah? We will each give a full report of the day’s events at supper. Good luck, Sister Sue.

(Both girls walk away,then pause,and re-enter the kitchen.)

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

SARAH.

SUSANNAH.

Well,Sister Klutz.Congratulations!You are now a member of the cheerleading squad. That’s fabulous! And you received an A+ on your history test. That is great! I could actually end up with a B in that class! Not only that,but I signed you up for the Forensics Team. Four-and-six? What team is that? I’m already the starting point guard on the b-ball team. I don’t know if Coach will want me playing on another team. Forensics,Miss Jocko.Like public speaking competitions. You are scheduled to compete in the Impromptu category. Imprompt-what? You know,like,you are assigned a topic on one of the great issues of public policy,and then you have two minutes to prepare an extemporaneous speech to be presented to the judges and other competitors. What? Are you crazy? You know I have a deathly fear of speaking in front of a group. Oh, I forgot about that unfortunate fainting incident in English Lit class.You went from vertical to horizontal in

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Michael Two

by Ross Parker

MICHAEL.

(stage whispering) Hello.My name is Michael.That over there is Michael Two.Please,please try not to make any noise to wake him up.He scares me when he’s awake.He does things—bad things.Oh,I know what you’re thinking. It’s just a ventriloquist’s dummy; it’s made of wood.It couldn’t hurt anyone.Yeah,that’s what I thought at first,too. You think I’m emotionally disturbed,don’t you?You think I’m crazy, like my parents.Well…at least hear my side of things.

It all started two months ago when my dog Levi disap- peared.I loved that dog like a brother.I don’t have very many friends. Levi waited for me every day to come home from school.We played fetch in the backyard.He always wanted to lick my face. Every night he slept by my bed. Then one night,I overheard my mom and dad talking downstairs.Sometimes I listen to them through the register in the floor in my bedroom. I heard my dad say,“That’s it. It’s either me or that dog.These allergies are killing me.”

The next day Levi was gone. Mom said he must have run away,but I know better.I miss him so much.I was heart- broken.The next day Dad said,“Hey,Sport.I have a present for you.And his name just happens to be the same as yours.Michael.”

He gave me the dummy and a book on how to learn to be a ventriloquist.At first I had trouble working the dummy.

(demonstrates using his hand as a dummy)“Hello,how are

you? My name is Michael,too.“

MICHAEL TWO.

So that’s why I named him Michael Two. (waking up) Did someone mention my name?

MICHAEL.

Oh, no…

MICHAEL TWO.

Hello, Michael One. Please, go on with your story. I do so

enjoy a good

mystery.I hope it has a happy ending.

(creepy laugh)

MICHAEL.

See what I mean? …Well,anyway,I studied the book and

MICHAEL TWO.

practiced. After a while I got the hang of it. I took him to school, and the other kids thought it was cool. (Michael lip syncs.) He thinks I’m the dummy,but did you

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see his last math grade?

Hey Michael One thinks you’re cute.You better watch out!

MICHAEL.

Michael,you know how I hate it when your hands are cold. From now on I expect you to warm them up before you pretend to control my voice. Then one day in study hall I heard a strange voice.

MICHAEL TWO.

Hey,Scott,could you give Michael One the answers to the

MICHAEL.

science assignment.He’s not too B-R-I-T-E. It was him! That really creeped me out.I hadn’t said a thing.

MICHAEL TWO.

Really.I looked at him but he just gave me his wooden smile.Scott told the teacher but I just pretended it was a joke. Your grades in science are the real joke.

MICHAEL.

The next night at dinner Mom said that $10 was missing

MICHAEL TWO.

from the money jar in the kitchen.When she was putting clothes in my sock drawer she found a $10 bill. I said that Michael Two must have done it, not me! You can imagine her reaction to that explanation. Fortunately,wooden hands have no fingerprints.

MICHAEL.

A couple nights later,I woke up smelling smoke.Some

MICHAEL TWO.

papers in my trash can were on fire! When my parents came running into my room, I was shaking Michael Two by the neck. He said:

MICHAEL.

I’m such hot stuff,the papers just went up in flames just from my personality. Dad was so mad.He thought I had started the fire and then

MICHAELTWO.

made that smart remark using the dummy.I was grounded for a week. The next night I went down to the basement and got my Dad’s saw.I was going to put an end to this dummy once and for all.Just as I put the saw blade on Michael Two’s neck,he woke up and gave me that weird laugh.Before I knew what I was doing I was sawing on my bed post. Next time I’ll make you hurt yourself,Michael One.(creepy

laugh)

MICHAEL.

That did it.My parents took me to the school counselor.I

MICHAEL TWO.

told them the whole story and now they think I’ve com- pletely flipped out.Now I have to go to a psychiatrist. Maybe the shrink will send you to an institution.Then I’ll

MICHAEL.

have the room all to myself.(creepy laugh) So that’s my story. I found my Swiss Army knife in his boot

MICHAEL TWO.

two nights ago. I decided to take up whittling,as a hobby,you know.

MICHAEL.

I locked him in a suitcase and went to bed, but in the

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The Time Traveler Visits

by Ross Parker

ALEX.

(sweeping) I am so lucky to have this job,cleaning up the physics lab. It’s so quiet. No one to talk to but myself. The professors are never messy, and I have plenty of time to catch up on my reading assignments.Even Professor Schmidt’s time machine just needs an occasional dusting. What a joke! He’s been working on this thing for 20 years. Watches too much late night television, if you ask me. (climbs in) Just set the way-back knob to, let’s say, 600 B.C., and push the“start”button. (reacts to whirring and vibration)Yikes! What is going on? This thing is doing something! Houston, we have

a problem! (lands with a thud, climbs out and looks around) Where

ZEDKAT.

in heaven’s name? Welcome visitor. I am Zedkat, wife of Cham, and child of Noah. You

ALEX.

must be a special Time Traveler, chosen by God to help with the Ark. Ark? Ark—as in Noah’s Ark? I am not a Chosen One. I’m just Alex,

ZEDKAT.

the cleaner of the physics lab. Welcome Just Alex…You have arrived in time to help Father Noah

ALEX.

fulfill God’s directions to build a great vessel to preserve a righ- teous mankind from wickedness. That is one big boat!

ZEDKAT.

Yes, fifty cubits wide by one hundred and fifty cubits long by thirty

ALEX.

cubits high, as God has specified. That’s a lot of cubits.What’s with all the animals?

ZEDKAT.

When the time comes, we will load seven of every kind of clean

ALEX.

animal and two of every kind of unclean animal onto the Ark so that after the Great Flood we will be able to re-populate the Earth. Just as Cham and his brothers and their wives and now you will build a new society for the just. I’m not so sure about being a seventh wheel.So what‘s going to

ZEDKAT.

happen now? It looks kind of cloudy today. We are sorting the animals and loading enough food for them for

ALEX.

our voyage to Mount Ararat.Soon you will be on board with the other Chosen Ones.And you will contribute to the repopulation of the world. Repopulate the world! I haven’t even taken biology yet.

ZEDKAT.

(examines scroll) Let’s see.You could help Japheth with the large

ALEX.

carnivores. Actually,I am more of a cute,furry,and snuggly little animal kind of guy. Wait, no, that might include creepy little critters, rats and such. How about medium-sized,but gentle,creatures who taste good when barbecued, and also chickens and pigs for eggs and bacon?

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ZEDKAT.

Maybe some shrimp cocktail occasionally. Oh, we could never sacrifice the animal guests of the Ark.Watch

ALEX.

out for the water buffalo! (dodging) My,they are aggressive,aren’t they! Maybe you should

ZEDKAT.

leave them out of the plan. Also,the bats.They creep me out. Oh, no. All of God’s creatures, large and small, must make the

ALEX.

voyage. Well, what are we going to eat for forty days and forty nights?

ZEDKAT.

We have a delicious assortment of nuts, dried berries, and wheat

ALEX.

germ. Wheat germ! Normal people don’t eat wheat germ. Do we have

ZEDKAT.

assigned seating or formal dining? I’m not crazy about that, but I am a big fan of the midnight buffet. I do not comprehend “buffet,” but I promise you will not starve. I

ALEX.

hear the thunder.The time grows near. It’s getting dark.It looks like it could… Hey,I’ve got to get back to

ZEDKAT.

the time machine.Professor Schmidt will be furious if I don’t bring it back in one piece. I’ve got to get back to the twenty-first century. I can’t live without my cell phone and iPod. I do not comprehend “cell phone,” but do not worry, Just Alex. We

ALEX.

have much to do on the Ark.Many enjoyable entertainments. Really? Like hitting golf balls off the deck into the water?

ZEDKAT.

I do not comprehend ”golf balls.”

ALEX.

What about skeet shooting? (Zedkat nods) A talent show?

ZEDKAT.

No,but the Fern Planning Committee meetings can be quite

ALEX.

stimulating.And the animal husbandry debates can be positively raucous. You Chosen Ones just want to have fun, huh? Oh, no! It’s starting to sprinkle.Look,Zedkat,I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate all you and the other Chosen Ones are doing.I do.I really do.But, but…I haven’t finished sweeping and I have a paper in lit class due

tomorrow.And, and

I

just don’t think I am cut out for the pre-

ZEDKAT.

historic lifestyle. But Just Alex, this is a once-in-a-millennium opportunity to change

ALEX.

the history of the world. Hmmmmm… That’s it! I can’t stay because in my reading of the

ZEDKAT.

story of Noah and the Great Flood I remember the three sons and their wives and the animals loading two-by-two,but nowhere do I remember an extra guy named Just Alex hanging around.I could throw off the entire balance of the universe. Oh,Just Alex,gone will be the chance to be the Father of Nations,to

ALEX.

make decisions to set the destiny of all of mankind. Mankind! I have trouble deciding between jeans or khakis in the morning, clean t-shirt or not-so-clean. Really, I am just not the kind of guy I would like to have for an ancestor.Maybe I could send you back a genetics or philosophy major—much better decision

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Duo Interpretation

Two Telephone Conversations

by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation

Sitting on the Bench

by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation

Not-So-Identical Twins

by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation

Michael Two

by Ross Parker

Duo Interpretation

The Time Traveler Visits Noah’s Ark

by Ross Parker

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Junior,Vol. 5 Copyright 2012 ISBN Number 978-1-61387-040-2